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You have a good instinct for plotting, and you're building a believable world...Keep going

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Navy Seal, Jet Adams,  is going on his first mission with Bravo Team somewhere in the Middle East. On route to the target house an RPG hits the tail of Jet's helicopter. Jet, along with only 4 other survivors, have to salvage what they can and prepare for the imminent insurgent attack. Jet gets shot at with real bullets for the first time. He builds friendships with his teammates, faces devastating losses, and can't stop regretting that he never fixed his rough relationship with his father.

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I can feel the wind blowing on my face, taking the cold air through my veins. My hand is shivering with nerves as I pick up the cold metal canteen and unscrew the cap. I can feel the canteen on my chapped lips, and the lukewarm water rushing down my throat and through my chest. The helicopter blades rotating above, propelling us to an uncertain fat. As I look down, there's just enough light to see a little village between the mountains. Each square house containing a family that never wanted this war to go to them. If I look close enough, I feel like I can even see people looking up at me. I jerk my head away, imagining that one of those people would have an RPG, ready to fire at any Americans they see. As I turn my head to the East, away from the village, I can see the vast never ending desert rising up into the tall jagged mountains. Right above, the bright red-orange sun about to set, bringing warmth to my body and soul. Below I see Charley Team in their chopper. All the guys smiling. Moving their lips in a way that makes me know they're joking around.
"Woah", I hear the pilot say through my headset as I feel my body being forced to the right.
"Just a little bit of turbulence", the pilot repeats as he giggles. Around me my teammates are laughing. They look like they're at a party, and I'm there, holding my helmet with all my strength, shaking.
"Come one Squid", the name my team mates call me for being the new guy, "lighten up", my commanding officer, Lieutenant-Commander Rollins says.

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With village from this

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Sunset and mountains from this

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In the end he is still in the fight when the second Seal Team that had been in the other helicopter went back for them after completing the mission.

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In the Battle with the insurgents. At first starts picking them off with sniper. Then full on firefight. Loses some men.

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He just sets up an ambush for the incoming insurgents and tries to take them out. He has a sniper, and then only himself and 3 other men

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He's unable to salvage any of the coms from the helicopter so the survivors are now stranded with limited ammo.

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His obstacle is the group of insurgents going towards the crash site to kill him. At the same time he has to take care of the badly injured

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Needs to save what remains of the team and get himself out as well by going into the mountains and waiting for the insurgents to come

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When in the Helicopter on way to the mission, an RPG hits the helicopter and crashes leaving only a few survivors

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Who: Jet Adams
Where: Classified Black Ops Operation
When: Present

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Hi Pablo!  This is good, but I think to keep the conflict within 10 pages you have to stick to one dangerous mission.  What are his feelings?  Does he feel guilty for enlisting because he's an only child? Why does he Want to enlist when there are so many good reasons not to?

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Hi Pablo!  This is good, but I think to keep the conflict within 10 pages you have to stick to one dangerous mission.  What are his feelings?  Does he feel guilty for enlisting because he's an only child? Why does he Want to enlist when there are so many good reasons not to?

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Jet is expecting a small boom and the door to come down

right before louder boom

feels feat leave the ground everything in slow motion to him

boom, hits ground hard

ringing in ears

ons hands and legs

starts to hear "get down"

feel like someone pushes him to the ground

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Pilot says go go go

everyone gets out

feels nervous

describe it

what he see's and hears

is dark out

moves to door

Commander in charge, Rollins, tells him to check door

describe feelings

sets charge

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In helicopter to first mission, having flashbacks about parents

wishes he had said a better goodbye

noisy in heli

hears 5 mike out call

starts to gear up

(describe noises)

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Wants to join Seals

grandfather first wave in D-day (survived), father, Vietnam, now delta team instructor

mom US army surgeon, now retired

just graduated college, 23, doesn't know what to do

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What if an only child joined a Seal Team
What if the only kid that a mother and father had, a father who had seen the horrors of war in Vietnam, were to join a Seal Team and go on dangerous missions all around the globe, uncertain whether or not he would make it home.

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What if an only child got and adopted sibling.
What if a ten year old boy, a boy who has had his parents love all to himself his whole life, gets an adopted four year old brother who takes all the fame.

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1. What if an only child got an adopted sibling.
2. What if a cow were to eat steak.
3. What if an only child joined a Seal Team
4. What if a person abandoned his family to serve his country.

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Being an Only child & getting an adopted sibling
Eating steak & Being a cow
An only child & Joined a SEAL Team

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I wonder what it's like to be dead. what do you see? what do you feel?
I wonder what it's like to be a Navy Seal.
I wonder what it's like to shoot a really gun. How it affects your body physically.

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I am good at soccer. I started playing since I was two years old in my back yard with my dad. Once I was old enough, around four or five, I started playing in town soccer. Every Saturday I would go to a field somewhere in Cambridge where people would organize many little kids like me to play in teams. As I got older I acceled at soccer and when I was nine, I decided to play a year up and start playing 6v6 travel team. I eventually joined GPS, a club team, and then NEFC, the club I'm currently at know