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Suicide is a big topic but only so much could be done about it. People can only do so much to help prevent it. The rest is out of their hands and in to the person who is suicidal.

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Suicide is a big topic but only so much could be done about it. People can only do so much to help prevent it. The rest is out of their hands and in to the person who is suicidal.

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Just about every list of "suicide myths" mentions this one: "If a person is serious about killing themselves then there is nothing you can do." But is it always a myth?

In important ways, yes, it is a myth. There are many thingsthat loved ones of a suicidal individual can do to help - things like asking directly about suicidal thoughts, fully listening to the person, providing nonjudgmental emotional support, removing firearms and other lethal means from the home, giving a list of resources for help and support, and helping them to get professional help.

At the same time, especially when suicidal thoughts and behaviors persist for many months or years, loved ones may come to a point where they have to recognize their limitations. In some important ways, their hands are tied.
Recognizing My Own Limitations with a Loved One
I came to the realization many years ago that I could not fully protect a close friend from suicide. She went through an extremely suicidal time for over a year. One night, she came to my house at midnight with her wrist bleeding. She had attempted suicide. She refused to let me call an ambulance, and it even took much persuading before she would let me take her to the ER. They gave her stitches and discharged her to my house (she refused hospitalization and did not meet criteria for involuntary commitment). The doctors advised me to remove all sharp implements and pills from her reach.

My friend stayed with me a couple days. When she went back home, I was left with this feeling of abject helplessness, this recognition that she might kill herself, and also this sudden acceptance that ultimately I could not control if she died by suicide.

Even when she was at my house, even with all my sharp implements and pills hidden in the locked trunk of my car, I could not have prevented her suicide. I had to use the bathroom sometimes. I had to sleep. She could have walked out the door at any time and found other sharp implements, pills or means to die by suicide. Ultimately, though I did what I could, I was helpless.
Recognizing Your Limitations
No matter how desperately you may wish otherwise, there is only so much you can do to stop another person from dying by suicide. You cannot monitor a family member or friend every second of the day. You cannot remove all means for suicide entirely from their world. Although you can talk with them about their suicidal thoughts, you cannot read their mind if they choose not to share them.

Even professionals are not fully able to prevent suicides. That means that in the United States, One study found that almost 1 in 5 people who died by suicide had seen a mental health professional within 30 days of their death. with almost 43,000 people dying by suicide in 2014, more than 8,000 of them had recently seen a mental health professional. A study in Finland found that almost 10% of suicides occurred within 24 hours, at most, of an appointment with a health professional.

Even inside locked psychiatric hospital units, even when patients are under constant supervision, some patients die by suicide. That is staggering. It is also illuminating. If mental health professionals and psychiatric hospitals cannot prevent all suicides, then how can friends and family be expected to do so?
Coping with Your Limitations
When I realized my inherent limitations with my friend, I came up with a saying (I'm sure I'm not the first):

It is hard, terribly hard, to sit with the fundamental helplessness you may feel about your loved one who is in danger of suicide. At these times, it can be helpful to really recognize that most people who end up dying by suicide have depression, post-traumatic stress or another mental illness, a genuine and sometimes severe illness, just like cancer or heart disease. Although the illness is treatable in most cases, and although most suicidal people go on to live many years without ever dying by suicide, the illness might prove to be fatal.

Michael J. Gitlin, M.D., is a psychiatrist who lost a patient to suicide shortly after finishing his psychiatric residency. He wrote about his experience in a poignant journal article. As somebody who specialized in treating people with severe depression, he articulated the high probability of suicide among some of his patients. He came to accept that his work was like that of a doctor working with cancer patients: Not everyone could be saved.

I am not saying that loved ones and therapists should not do what they can to prevent a person's suicide. Of course they should! Many lives have been saved by the actions of concerned others who did their best to help. But if a life is lost, that does not necessarily mean that anyone failed, that anyone made a grave mistake, that anyone is to blame.

You do everything you can, with the understanding that "everything you can" cannot be everything.

EDITED: February 5, 2015

*© Copyright 2013 Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW, All rights Reserved. Written For: Speaking of Suicide

Photos purchased from Fotolia.
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"You Can't Do Everything": Limitations in Helping a Suicidal Person

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Just about every list of "suicide myths" mentions this one: "If a person is serious about killing themselves then there is nothing you can do." But is it always a myth? In important ways, yes, it is a myth. There are many things that loved ones of a suicidal individual can do to help - things like ...

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Talks about suicide prevention month and how that is the best time to spread the word about it. Helps people get notified about how to stop suicide.

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Talks about suicide prevention month and how that is the best time to spread the word about it. Helps people get notified about how to stop suicide.

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September 11, 2017 - When people and communities take action, lives can be saved. In recognition of National Suicide Prevention Month (September) and National Suicide Prevention Week (September 10-16), the National Action Alliance for Suicide Prevention (Action Alliance), a public-private partnership working to advance the National Strategy for Suicide Prevention, and the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP), the nation's largest suicide prevention organization - along with hundreds of other local and national organizations - are joining together to inform the public of how simple actions, such as waiting by someone's side until first responders arrive, can save a person's life and generate community-wide, system-level impact.

Throughout the month of September, AFSP and the Action Alliance will help spur action by changing the conversation about suicide from one of despair and inevitability to one of hope, health, and resilience.

No special training is required to be there for someone in crisis, to promote stories of hope, and to change the national narrative. Combined with systems such as emergency communications, law enforcement, crisis services, and health care systems, simple actions of compassion can help to get people who are struggling or in crisis get to a place of recovery and wellness.

Here are three simple ways to get involved

Join the Action Alliance and AFSP's shared effort during 9/10-9/16 to spread the word that everyone can take steps to save lives. Help get the conversation going by:

using the hashtags #NSPW and #StopSuicide when posting about National Suicide Prevention Week

signing up in advance for the Thunderclap campaign to automatically tweet simultaneously with thousands of others to announce the start of #NSPW

heading to AFSP's #NSPW page, where you can find stories of hope, healing, and tips on how to talk about mental health, add a suicide prevention filter to your profile picture, download social shareables, and much more

visiting the Action Alliance's NSPW website to access information about partner campaigns focused on being there for others

posting the Action Alliance's shareable social media icons on your social media channels

downloading and customizing the Action Alliance's Facebook profile frames

participating in AFSP's Twitter chat (on 9/13) on the topic of "How you can #StopSuicide." Follow along using #StopSuicide from 1-2 PM EST

Stories can serve to inspire, educate, and encourage help seeking. Do you have an action-oriented story of how you or your group has helped to take action for someone who was struggling or in crisis? We want to hear from you! Share with us your story so we can add it to our websites.

Promote resiliency, encourage help-seeking, and publicize prevention successes by talking about suicide prevention SAFELY. To help ensure your messaging is effective and successful, check out the Framework for Successful Messaging, and watch the recent webinar, Developing Successful and Positive Suicide Prevention Messaging - Planning Ahead for Suicide Prevention Month.

While no one person or organization can prevent suicide, it can take only one small action to save a life. The smallest gesture can make a world of difference. This September, please join in our efforts to spread awareness about the many ways that people can help someone feel less alone. Together, we can improve lives, restore hope, and reduce the burden of suicide in the U.S.
By: Colleen Carr, Deputy Director, National Action Alliance for Suicide Prevention & Stephanie Coggin, Vice President of Communications & Marketing, American Foundation for Suicide Prevention
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Like what you're reading? Go to our Sharing Your Story page, where you'll find resources for sharing your own story, including story ideas, blog submission guidelines, tips for sharing your story safely and creative exercises to help you get started, and assignments for upcoming topics.

Write a blog post for AFSP! Click here for our Submission Guidelines.

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Everyone Can Take Steps to Prevent Suicide - AFSP

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September 11, 2017 - When people and communities take action, lives can be saved.

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Anyone can make a different for people who are having suicidal thoughts. And everyone needs to look out for the obvious signs that hints they are going to do such a thing. 

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Anyone can make a different for people who are having suicidal thoughts. And everyone needs to look out for the obvious signs that hints they are going to do such a thing. 

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September is National Suicide Prevention Awareness Month. It is an excellent time to promote resources available to help prevent suicide and bring awareness to the emotional and mental health issues that lead to suicide.

Suicide among our nation's active-duty military and military veterans currently averages a loss of twenty (20) lives each day. Though this is down from twenty-two (22), it is still far too many.

Awareness saves lives and the efforts to promote suicide awareness and prevention are working. We can help save more lives by being proactive in getting the word out on what to look for in someone in emotional distress.

Visit the websites listed below for information on issues our military veterans experience that lead to thoughts of self-harm.

Incorporate suicide education and prevention materials into your program activities.

Ask a VA mental health provider to speak at your Auxiliary meeting or host an event open to the public so they, too, may attend.

Order items from the Veterans Crisis Line such as fact sheets, business cards, keychains, etc. to hand out to the military member, veteran, and/or his/her family member or friend who may be concerned their loved one is displaying signs of anxiety, expressing hopelessness, and isolating him/herself from loved ones and friends.

Wear the Veteran & Military Suicide Awareness Blue Teardrop Sticker. The blue teardrop is the VFW Auxiliary's symbol to give this issue the attention it so desperately needs. Wear the teardrop to open a conversation; when asked what the teardrop is, share that it's to create awareness for veteran and military suicide.

Join the Campaign to Change Direction and learn the Five Signs that may mean someone is in emotional pain and might need help.

National President Dee Guillory and Commander-in-Chief Keith Harman have once again joined together in making Mental Health Awareness their special project. October 2 - 8, 2017 is National Mental Illness Awareness Week. Your Auxiliary likely sets up a table to distribute "Buddy"® Poppies, why not set one up to hand out "Know the Five Signs" materials outside a store?

Guillory's theme is "Catching the Dream for Our Veterans." Our active-duty military and veterans deserve to dream as you and I do about happy times with family and friends, success in their chosen careers, and the freedom to move about without fear. Let's do all we can to help them realize their dreams. Promote suicide awareness and prevention!

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Hospital: Spread the Word about Suicide Prevention

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September is National Suicide Prevention Awareness Month . It is an excellent time to promote resources available to help prevent suicide and bring awareness to the emotional and mental health issues that lead to suicide. Suicide among our nation's active-duty military and military veterans currently averages a loss of twenty (20) lives each day.

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States facts on how many people commit suicide every years and facts on what the rate is.

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States facts on how many people commit suicide every years and facts on what the rate is.

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States what needs to be done with the people who need to stop suicide. Says how to talk to the person who has suicidal thoughts.

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States what needs to be done with the people who need to stop suicide. Says how to talk to the person who has suicidal thoughts.

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I’m worried about someone - Lifeline Australia

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If you are concerned that someone is at-risk of suicide and you aren’t sure how to talk to them, you can call Lifeline for advice on 13 11 14. If life is in danger call 000.

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Shows facts about how to prevent suicide and things that others need to do to help. 

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Shows facts about how to prevent suicide and things that others need to do to help. 

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Apply for and manage the VA benefits and services you’ve earned as a Veteran, Servicemember, or family member—like health care, disability, education, and more.