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How a writing prompt can give you insight into your students. The book can be purchased from Amazon for under $15.

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Have students complete the following form for repeated infractions of classroom plans. Major behavior issues should be dealt with according to school policy. This form causes students to think about WHY they are misbehaving.

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I have a “family meeting” with my classroom

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I have a “family meeting” with my classroom

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Several times a week for 10-15 minutes, I let students share what is going on in their life and I also share with them what is going on with me. This is one of my favorite parts of the day because their stories remind me that they are not a number or a score and they have real successes and struggles. I see this time as an investment and feel it pays in dividends in the end.

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I once heard a story about a girl who went camping and hated every minute of it. She hated the hard ground, the bugs-basically the whole experience.

After this, she decided that she was never going camping again, but then...she fell in love with a boy and this boy loved camping. Since she loved the boy, she decided to give camping another shot. Much to her surprise, this time camping was amazing. She saw the beautiful scenery, the falling stars and many other wonderful things.

What made the difference? The difference was that someone who cared about her took the time to help her see the experience in a new light.

It is no secret that building relationships just like this with students is key to success in the classroom. We have students coming to us who have had bad experiences with school and now they hate it. It is our job to help them turn this around and see it in a different (and more positive) light. The ugly truth is that many times we do not know what they have been through or what they go home to, and we might be the only positive influence they have.

I once had a student who lost his mother the year before who was significantly below grade level. I was really able to connect with him and he showed tremendous growth on his end of year tests. I was so excited for him, but I also learned a huge lesson from the experience. The last day of school I had my students write down their favorite memory from the school year, and when I opened his it said, "The time Mrs. Shaw said that she loved me." I have saved that paper for more than ten years because it reminds me that students will remember how you made them feel much more that any subject you taught.

I also learned that academic growth is a natural effect of building relationships with students. It is a fact that students will work harder for teachers they know love them, but that is easier said than done. Making sure my students feel loved is a top priority in my classroom, and here are seven specific ways I try to do it.

1. I greet students at the door every morning. This is one small thing that speaks volumes-it lets my students know that they are important enough that I am going to stop whatever I am doing to speak to them before we even start.

2. I have a "family meeting" with my classroom. Several times a week for 10-15 minutes, I let students share what is going on in their life and I also share with them what is going on with me. This is one of my favorite parts of the day because their stories remind me that they are not a number or a score and they have real successes and struggles. I see this time as an investment and feel it pays in dividends in the end.

3. I use a class social media posting site through . This is a great place for students to share and post pictures and interact with each other. This is safe because it all goes through me before it makes the "wall." It gives everyone a chance to see the new puppy or game ball and builds relationships within the class as we celebrate with each other.

4. I write positive notes and make positive phone calls home. This may be one of the most powerful things I do. It takes just a minute and it will make a student's (and parent's) day. This lets a child know that I value and see the good in them.

5. I make a point to have personal conversations with my students. I know what is going on in their life because of the outlets I have for them to share, so it gives me something personal to talk about with them. I think this can significantly improve behavior as well. The 2×10 Strategy is great to try with your more difficult students.

6. I try to make a connection to my students. For example, I had a student added to my classroom mid-year who had some trouble transitioning. I knew this kid loved a particular basketball player, so I would seek out articles about this player and put them on his desk or find funny memes to share. The difference this made was amazing! His behavior improved and it was noticeable enough for my inclusion teacher to ask what had happened. This small connection went a long way.

7. I try to talk the talk and walk the walk. My goal is for all of my students to know that I love and care about them. I am not only going to tell them, I am going to make an effort to show them by taking time to really listen, get to know them and, in the words of J.M. Barrie, I am going to make an effort to "always be a little kinder than necessary."

Please know that I am a "work in progress" and I have not mastered student relationship building. But I assure you I have seen it's miracle working power over and over in my classroom.

For more, see:
Stephanie is Teacher of the Year at Mooresville Intermediate School in North Carolina, and a Digital Scholar with the DigiLEARN program. Follow her on Twitter: . Stay in-the-know with all things EdTech and innovations in learning by signing up to receive the weekly Smart Update . This post includes mentions of a Getting Smart partner. For a full list of partners, affiliate organizations and all other disclosures please see our Partner page

Stephanie Shaw is Teacher of the Year at Mooresville Intermediate School in North Carolina, and a Digital Scholar with the DigiLEARN program. Follow her on Twitter: @stephshaw413.

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7 Ways to Build Better Student Relationships

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I once heard a story about a girl who went camping and hated every minute of it. She hated the hard ground, the bugs-basically the whole experience. After this, she decided that she was never going camping again, but then...she fell in love with a boy and this boy loved camping.

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Relationship Building is about Influence

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Relationship Building is about Influence

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The goal of building relationships with students isn’t familiarity. It’s influence. If your students trust you because you always do what you say will, and they like you because you’re consistently pleasant, then powerful, behavior-influencing rapport will happen naturally and without you having to work at it.

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It's common for teachers to misunderstand the term "building relationships."

They hear of the importance of creating connections with students-particularly difficult students-and assume it means they need to spend more time with them individually.

They assume it means they need to try and get to know them on a more personal level.

But for a real-world teacher, finding the time to build relationships in this manner is not only unrealistic, but it's also ineffective. In fact, seeking out individual students in an attempt to earn their trust and rapport can do more harm than good.

You see, for most students, being cornered into a non-academic conversation with their teacher is uncomfortable-exceedingly so. It can make them feel clumsy and self-conscious and at a loss of anything to say.

Even the most socially confident students will feel unnerved and wary of your motives. And yet, there are teachers who day after day insist on pressing the issue.

They beckon students out of line, into hallways, and away from the social safety of fellow classmates. They barge into personal space. They query likes and dislikes and commonalities. They become forward and overbearing.

Although their heart is in the right place, what develops is a relationship of awkwardness and embarrassment. What develops is defensiveness and detachment. What develops builds walls instead of tearing them down.

But the goal of building relationships with students isn't familiarity. It's influence. And influence comes about not by one-on-one interactions, not by getting to know a student's favorite ice cream or video game, and not by being hip to current pop-cultural trends.

No, influential relationships come about through your trust and likability.

If your students trust you because you always do what you say will, and they like you because you're consistently pleasant, then powerful, behavior-influencing rapport will happen naturally and without you having to work at it.

Your students will seek you out and want to be around you and get to know you better. They'll be drawn to you and pulled effortlessly into your circle of influence.

Your conversations and interactions then become open and easy. When you sit down to lunch with groups of students or meet them in their line before school, the give-and-take flows smoothly, organically. Nothing is forced. Nothing is inauthentic.

Even quiet and shy students-especially quiet and shy students-will come out of the woodwork to laugh and joke with you and exchange goofy smiles. This in turn gives you remarkable leverage to influence behavior, work habits, and enthusiasm for being part of your classroom.

So stop buying into the notion that you have to build relationships one student at a time. Stop thinking that you have to add yet another time-consuming strategy to your overflowing plate. Stop spending more time with some students and not others.

The fact is, the most effective way to build relationships with students also happens to be the most effective approach to classroom management.

Be true to your word. Follow through with your classroom management plan. Refrain from any and all harmful, scolding, bribing, manipulative, or friction-creating methods of managing behavior.

Smile. Love your students. Bring humor and joy to your classroom. And you'll never, ever have to try to build influential relationships.

They'll just . . . happen.

If you haven't done so already, please join us. It's free! Click here and begin receiving classroom management articles like this one in your email box every week.

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What Building Relationships With Students Really Means - Smart Classroom Management

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It's common for teachers to misunderstand the term "building relationships." They hear of the importance of creating connections with students-particularly difficult students-and assume it means they need to spend more time with them individually. They assume it means they need to try and get to know them on a more personal level.

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5 Ways to Build a Strong Relationship with Students Affected by Poverty

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5 Ways to Build a Strong Relationship with Students Affected by Poverty

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1. Teach vocabulary daily
2. Make your classroom a stress free zone
3. Treat your class like family
4. Take brain breaks
5. Share a mini autobiography

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It's heartbreaking to see children who live in poverty struggle in our classrooms. They face challenges on so many fronts that it can be overwhelming to know how to help. But when we're able to connect with students from low-income families, we can make a difference-a big one.

While home environment plays a role in how children do in school, studies show that for low-income children, school environment matters more than it does for those from middle- and upper-income families. "There is clear evidence that five years of learning from above-average teachers would erase the academic effects from poverty," says Eric Jensen, author of several books including Teaching With Poverty in Mind: What Being Poor Does to Kids' Brains and What Schools Can Do About It and Engaging Students With Poverty in Mind: Practical Strategies for Raising Achievement. "Teachers need to know that."

WeAreTeachers recently spoke with Jensen, who suggested five things that all teachers can do to connect with students affected by poverty and help them succeed in their classrooms.

1. Teach Vocabulary Daily

What you should know: Often, there is less language spoken in low-income homes-fewer words per hour and less interactive vocabulary. For instance, kids may hear more commands from parents, such as "Have a seat" or "Pipe down!" rather than complex sentences or back-and-forth conversations, says Jensen. As a result, many kids raised in poverty often start school one or two years behind their peers and never catch up if they don't receive adequate support.What you can do: Get creative with activities to build vocabulary. For example, try doing a word-of-the-day activity. Give students a sense of control by letting them choose a word from a list you create. Then ask them to do a simple activity using the word, such as writing a question using the word that a partner must answer, or illustrating the word by creating a drawing or collage. You can even offer incentives-like having lunch with the teacher or being able to leave first at the end of class.

2. Make Your Classroom a Stress-Free Zone

What you should know: For children who are surrounded by worries about their parents' ability to pay rent or having enough groceries, lack of stability can take a toll. The presence of long-term stress can cause children to be angry and snap back at teachers or withdraw and give up. "Teachers who don't know better interpret this as 'This kid is a bad seed' or 'He or she won't go anywhere in school,'" says Jensen. Rather than behavior problems, the aggression or apathy may be symptoms of stress disorders.What you can do: While you may not be able to eliminate chronic stressors like financial issues at home, there are things you can do to avoid students experiencing added stress in your classroom. If you need to reprimand a student, for example, don't embarrass him or her by doing it in front of the class. And every time you do reprimand a student, try to follow it up by giving the student at least three positive affirmations-like pointing out how well they followed directions or praising them for a correct answer to a question asked. If you sense your class is particularly stressed during the day, take a break during class to show them how to practice mindful breathing, tense-and-release exercises or fluid arm movements.

3. Treat Your Class Like Family

What you should know: Sometimes children show up at school without a strong emotional base from home and don't have the social skills needed to work together and develop relationships. At the same time, these kids are often looking for strong adult role models, says Jensen. When teachers give students regular opportunities to work together, it helps build their social status and feeling of belonging, which can be key to staying in school and avoiding cliques or gangs.What you can do: Try putting elementary students of similar achievement levels in cooperative groups for activities like reading aloud. Each group member takes a turn reading, and the group discusses answers to questions you provide. In upper grades, students can be grouped in teams of five, by their interests rather than achievement levels, to work on longer-term projects, like a recycling plan for the school.

4. Take Brain Breaks

What you should know: Not getting enough or the right kinds of food can impact student performance in school. Also, there is an array of health issues that, if left unchecked because of limited resources, can affect a student's ability to learn and concentrate, says Jensen. Physical activity, however, can help compensate for the behavioral and cognitive issues caused by poor nutrition.What you can do: If kids are acting sluggish, introduce an energizer to get them out of their seats and moving around the classroom. A simple brain break for elementary students is to have them walk in a line around the room while playing music. In the upper grades, try doing a cross-training simulation by calling out actions for different sports (e.g., catching a football or dribbling a basketball)-you can also let students call out the actions.

5. Share a Mini Autobiography

What you should know: Once you are aware of the issues challenging kids in poverty, you'll be able to think of ways to reach out more effectively. "You have to carry around a little mirror, metaphorically. Always hold it up and think: What could I do differently?" suggests Jensen. Students need to get to know their teachers and understand that they believe in them and genuinely want them to learn.

What you can do: Leave behind complaints and convey a great attitude by saying to your class: "I love being here. You kids are what I look forward to every day," suggests Jensen. The teachers kids want to work hardest for are the ones with whom they've built relationships. Consider taking even just one minute every week to share something personal about yourself-like what you did with your family over the weekend or your goal to run a marathon. Also, try to find out about your students' personal lives on a daily basis-ask them about their dreams, family, hobbies and even their problems.

To find more books, videos, online courses, and other resources to help you address the effects of poverty, visit www.ascd.org/povertyresources.

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5 Ways to Build a Strong Relationship With Students Affected by Poverty

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It's heartbreaking to see children who live in poverty struggle in our classrooms. They face challenges on so many fronts that it can be overwhelming to know how to help. But when we're able to connect with students from low-income families, we can make a difference-a big one.

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The Power of the Post It - This is one that I use all of the time and I LOVE IT.  Easy but effective. Catch a student doing something good, or recognize a struggle and slip them a simple note.

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The Power of the Post It - This is one that I use all of the time and I LOVE IT.  Easy but effective. Catch a student doing something good, or recognize a struggle and slip them a simple note.

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5 Simple Ways to Connect With Students and Build Relationships

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5 Simple Ways to Connect With Students and Build Relationships

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Being a teacher these days is not even remotely easy. The nonsense we have to deal with from developmentally inappropriate standards to endless meetings and data to no lunch or bathroom breaks are nothing short of lunacy. Throw in an unruly class with some serious behavior problems and you have a recipe for early retirement.

The trick is to make what happens inside that classroom with those kids as joyful as possible so that the rest of the crazy in our profession will be easier to manage, We must try to shelter our students and ourselves from the stress and pressure.

We all know that achieving that classroom nirvana of peace and productivity requires an authentic connection with our students. When our students feel loved and understood, they feel safe. Safe enough to take academic and social risks. Safe enough to try and fail. In a close knit, loving environment, failure is part of the process, not an embarrassment.

But how do we form those genuine, loving relationships? There are many layers to that question, but I have complied a list of some of the ways I try to connect with kids in my class.

1. T-Mail

Nope, not email - Tmail! This is a small space set up for kids to write a note to the teacher. When the flag is up, I know I need to check for a note. I usually reply and leave it in their folder or hand it to them personally at the end of the day. The kids' faces light right up when they get that note back from the teacher! They feel so special.

2. Power of Post-its

At the beginning of the year, I grab a a pack of colorful post it notes and write each student's name on one. Over the next week, I jot a note and give it to the child. It might be a note of praise for working hard or a note of encouragement after a rough day. By labeling them at the beginning of the week, I ensure that every kid gets one. When all the notes are gone, I label another set of notes and start all over.

3. Conversation Notebooks

I bought small, 2 x 4 inch spiral notebooks at the Dollar Tree 3 for $1.00 and labeled one for each student. They keep it in their desk. Students write a note to me, leave it on my desk, and sometime that day or after school, I write a reply. We can write back and forth to each other as little or as often as the child likes. I have had kids ask me about my family, tell me about a conflict with another kid, share a joke, tell me how things are at home, or even just draw a silly picture.
I love it when I see a notebook appear on my desk!

4. Morning Greeting

I like to greet the kids as they trickle in the room from the bus and cafeteria. It's easy to get busy prepping for the day, but taking a few minutes to say good morning, ask how baseball practice went or share a tale about your commute, allows kids to gently, and socially, settle in. I'm a huge fan of well taught procedures to keep things running smoothly, and part of that procedure is having a moment at arrival to speak with friends and have quick chat with the teacher and each other. They need time to greet and chat informally before the morning work and announcements and morning meetings begin. It's the same thing I do when I come in to the office in the morning - greet colleagues, chat with someone about their daughter's recital, get the latest news on the broken copier - then head on to class.

5. Share A Meal

Have breakfast or lunch together. Sometimes I eat in the cafeteria with the kids, sometimes I take a few kids back to the room for lunch. On occasion, I bring my breakfast and have it in the room with the kids in the morning. We talk about stuff, tell jokes, complain about dumb siblings, argue about which video game is the best one ever in the world, and other really important topics. But seriously, it is probably the most valuable 20 minutes of our day. I don't do it every day because I really just need a break on many days, but a couple of times a week works for me. I actually enjoy it and we connect in a personal way that is often impossible during the jam packed day of lessons and tight schedules.

How do you form honest, authentic relationships with your students?

Welcome! I am Nikki Sabiston, a 20 year veteran teacher at Title I schools in Virginia. I share classroom management strategies and create teaching resources to enhance literacy, math, and behavior management in the elementary classroom.

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5 Simple Ways to Connect with Students and Build Relationships

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Being a teacher these days is not even remotely easy. The nonsense we have to deal with from developmentally inappropriate standards to endless meetings and data to no lunch or bathroom breaks are nothing short of lunacy. Throw in an unruly class with some serious behavior problems and you have a recipe for early retirement.

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Building Relationships in a High School Classroom

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Building Relationships in a High School Classroom

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Creating a Bio Poem is a great way to get to know your students and start on content at the same time.  This is a great way to get students started in telling "Their Story"

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Hey Teachers! Get to Know Me! | Scholastic

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Kick-start the new school year with this lesson plan designed to help you get to know your students while they get to know each other.

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Behavior Management : Not Systems, but Relationships

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Behavior Management : Not Systems, but Relationships

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Amy Night talks about how getting to know your students will help you teach how they learn.  She does a great job of explaining how fair isn't even and gives great examples of how to explain it to the students to avoid accusations of favoritism.  This teacher does not agree with using behavior charts. Read and find out why.

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by Miss Night on 9 September, 2012

UPDATE, July 16, 2014: This post has morphed into a whole series of posts about how and why to manage your classroom using relationships instead of charts and systems. To read the whole series, please visit my Chuck the Chart page.
Preface: I continue to be overwhelmed, in the best possible way, at the response to Too High A Price: Why I Don't Do Behavior Charts. It seems I really struck a chord with many readers. Thanks to all of you who shared that post, and especially to those who commented, saying it changed (or was going to change) your practice. I am honoured. In the comments on that post (as well as in a question submitted to Ask Miss Night), many of you asked how I DO manage behaviour in my classroom. At long last, here is the follow-up!
How I manage behaviour in my classroom?

As silly as it sounds, this question caught me a little off-guard. How do I manage behaviour without charts or stickers or a treasure chest? I just DO.

That answer, of course, is woefully inadequate. Obviously, there are things I DO, guiding principles I follow. The challenge becomes putting those things into words. You all would not believe the number of showers and car rides I have spent trying to articulate exactly how and why and when and where I manage behaviour in my classoom. (Come on, admit it, you do your best thinking in the shower and the car, too...)

So, gallons of water and tanks of gas later, here are the points that kept floating to the surface. They are sort of in a logical order, but also all inter-related. They have come from so many places: the kind of parenting I received, the schools I attended, reading and research, experience both broad (thousands of children, literally) and specific (singular moments that changed my practice forever). Before I begin, a sidebar: I am not in love with the terms "management" and "behaviour" in this context; both have connotations that make me uncomfortable. I use them here for the sake of clarity. The issue of vocabulary seems like another post, for another day.

Fact: I do not run a permissive classroom. I have heard parents say "there is no nonsense in Miss Night's room," and they are correct (note that, in spite of the lack of nonsense, my room is still full of laughter and smiles and hugs and songs and music and fun). I have high high expectations for my students, but those expectations are grounded in trust and faith that children, given the right support, and the right environment, can manage themselves very nicely. The children in my room get lots of freedom and lots of choice, but they also know that those freedoms and choices are privileges. That said, at first glance, my classroom might APPEAR permissive, because:

I have a very specific definition of "problem behaviour." A behaviour is ONLY a problem if it interferes with a child's safety and learning or the safety and learning of others. Period. A behaviour that is annoying to me is not automatically a problem. Think on that for a minute. How often have you reprimanded or disciplined a child for doing something that was annoying you? I'm embarrassed to say how often I have done just that (let's be clear - I am far from perfect in all this....) With this definition, a whole bunch of things STOP being problems - wiggling during circle; slouching in a chair; looking at the ceiling during a story, sitting on their knees instead of their bottoms; walking in a zig-zag instead of a straight line - unless and until it becomes obvious that these things are dangerous or detrimental to learning.

Fair doesn't mean same. Fair means everybody gets what they need. This is one of the first social lessons I teach, and we talk about this A LOT. The example I use is that, if fair means same, then EVERYONE should eat when *I* am hungry, because otherwise it's not fair. On the other hand, if fair means everybody gets what they need, then everybody should get to eat when they are hungry. Five-year-olds have no problem grasping this, and we discuss it repeatedly throughout the year. Without teaching this lesson, I could not run my classroom the way I do. It lays the foundation for the next two points.

I manage children as individuals, not as a group. Johnny concentrates better sitting on a chair than on the floor; Johnny is allowed a chair at story time. Natasha has no problem on the floor. She does not get a chair. Natasha does, however, have trouble printing her name, so on her work, I write her name in highlighter for her to trace over for the first several weeks. Samantha has no problem with her name, but struggles to keep her hands to herself. She can choose a fidget toy during whole group instruction. Raymond is the only child who frequently falls asleep at rest time; he is the only one who is allowed to rest behind my desk so that he will not be disturbed when we start centres. When you really get to know your students, you know that EVERY child has "special needs." When the children understand what "fair" means, you can meet those needs without worrying about accusations of favouritism. (Although, sometimes, you have to teach parents and colleagues what "fair" means, too.)

I normalize the tools that help children manage their own behaviour. Just as students ask for help with their school work, they need to know it is okay to ask for help with their behaviour. If a child asks for a break from the carpet, she can have it. If he knows he will do better in line by walking with me, he can. If she can't stop chatting with her neighbour, I will help her find a place to work alone. Leaving the carpet, holding my hand, sitting alone, are NOT punishments: I don't present them as punishments, and I work hard to change the kids' perception of punishment. These are choices and tools that help children be their best selves. These are also choices that, as adults, we frequently have the freedom to make for ourselves. And, speaking of choices:

Choice is a privilege. My students get lots of choices. They choose their first activity upon arrival. They choose which "work" to do first. They choose where to lay at rest time. They choose their play centres. They choose when to have afternoon snack. Kids like having choices, having a voice in the path their day takes. But (and it's a BIG "but") if they are not managing those choices well, the privilege of choice is lost. A child who is wondering the classroom, harassing others and not settling into an activity, will be assigned an activity. A child who is kicking her neighbour at rest time will be assigned a spot with no neighbours. I rarely need any consequences other than "loss of choice."

I look for patterns. If I am constantly correcting the same behaviour from the same child at the same time in the same spot every day: is there a way to break the pattern? If there is pushing in the lineup to wash hands EVERY DAY, how can I change the lineup routine? Can I give them more space? Send some to the bathroom? Make the lineup go faster? Give them something to do while they wait? Sometimes, changing the pattern means changing what I think I know about something. After months of intervening with little boys playing "too rough," I did some research, talked to some people, and re-framed my understanding of rough-and-tumble play. Looking for patterns with individual children works, too. If Peter lashes out and hits other kids in the crowded coatroom, maybe Peter would manage better if his cubby was not IN THE MIDDLE of the coatroom. Again, in an environment where "fair doesn't mean same" and children are given choices and tools to meet their needs, Peter will likely accept an offer to move his cubby, and, because he CHOSE, it doesn't feel like punishment.

I don't have "systems." I have relationships. As I re-read these now, it is that simple. I cannot think of a single system or routine in my classroom that is applied universally to every child at all times in all situations. What works for one does not work for another and makes things even worse for a third. I have had situations with specific children where the best way to communicate about behaviour was to have a private "chart" that went home every day. This is not my favourite strategy, but it was the best one for THAT child and THAT family in THAT situation. For other kids, it has been best to cue them in advance of any potentially challenging event. For still others, we have role-played and practiced the right words and actions.

I know there are naysayers out there, who will find this all too nebulous, too airy-fairy and hippie-dippie to be manageable. I don't have an answer for those people. For me, these 8 truths simply work. I don't know if they will work for you, too. I would, however, challenge you to try just one of them. Re-define problematic behaviour. Find and change a pattern. Focus on your relationship with a challenging child. And then, please, come back here and let me know how it went.

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"Behaviour management": not systems, but relationships

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UPDATE, July 16, 2014: This post has morphed into a whole series of posts about how and why to manage your classroom using relationships instead of charts and systems. To read the whole series, please visit my Chuck the Chart page. Preface: I continue to be overwhelmed, in the best possible way, at the response...

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Laura Candler gives multiple ideas for Team Building and Class Building to create a caring classroom from Day 1. She has a bundle of materials that you can purchase on Teachers Pay Teachers for $3.

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Creating a Caring Classroom starts on the very first day of school. I think the most important thing a teacher can do that first week is to establish a warm and caring atmosphere in his or her classroom.