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My school experience, both the ebbs and the flows, fit well, for the most part, with my jagged profile. I was a shy, hard-working, obedient, studious, rule-follower, who did not often deviate from the traditional education pathway that I was on. This made it easier for someone with my traits to be successful in school. Other traits, like becoming easily defeated and lacking confidence when assignments, which had always come so easily for me, became tricky,  did not help me as a learner. Context played a huge role. In the "hard sciences" I felt like a failure and in the so-called "soft sciences" I flourished.

I'm sure there were many gray areas in between, but those are the ones that have stuck. I try using  positive self-talk to erase the "old" tapes that play in my head and focus on building a growth mindset. It's working ... but, like all good things, it takes time - and, right now, I just can't seem to find enough of it (time, that is).

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I try very hard to be the same person, and display the same traits, in whatever setting I find myself in - nonetheless, I come off more hard-nosed in the classroom (particularly with the middle schoolers) than I actually am in real-life outside the classroom. I've tried to think deeply about this trait, as it runs so contrary to my nature. All I've come up with is that perhaps, given that I am so passionate about the library and the lessons that I teach, and some of the students are just as passionate about their apathy towards library and literacy, we are caught in a "catch-22".

I am a warm, compassionate, kind-hearted, loyal, forgiving, people-pleaser by nature (and I'm sure nurture played an important role). This comes off in my interactions with family, friends, church members, colleagues, and the majority of my students - even strangers (like the woman I pulled over to the curb for today in the McDonald's parking lot and handed her all the cash I had in my wallet because she was holding up a sign that said, "out of work"). I truly care about people. But I still find it difficult to work with students who show no interest in being in library class  (they say it's because they shouldn't be graded in library ... I should just read books to them and not teach lessons). Which presents another "catch-22" - I'm required to teach and assess 24 proficiencies, and also score them on their level of proficiency in transferrable skills, from grades 3-8. (PreK-2 is graded solely on habits of work.)

I'm not going to lay the blame at the feet of the students though; I'm overwhelmed with the work load (both at work and at school) and it's beginning to reflect across all the different contexts I find myself in.

Here's a video I uploaded from YouTube. I want my students to have "grit".

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Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance | Angela Lee Duckworth | TED

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I agree with Rose that we each have jagged profiles. Mine, for instance, is comprised of mental and intellectual abilities that have ebbed and flowed over the years.

To put some of these ebbs and flows in perspective, I was placed in the talented & gifted program in elementary school and had high aspirations (others had confidence in me, so why shouldn't I have confidence in myself, I thought). But, on the inside, I was still the backward little hick kid from the hills of Kentucky and didn't quite "fit in" (the impression I got from my fellow TAG classmates was that poor kids weren't suppose to be smart). I'm now dumbfounded that students of this age group were already ranking each other based upon socio-economic status.

Moving into middle school was only slightly better (because there was a wider array of students with whom to associate with and be "accepted" by but, on-the-other-hand, it left just as many students to be "rejected" by) ... but, I remained optimistic because of my academic ability.

High school was a different story - with harder classes (particularly those in the math and science field), I was no longer able to maintain my above-average rank. I felt "average" for the first time in my life and I didn't like it.

College, too, was a struggle. I was a good reader, researcher, and writer, but still, those pesky required "hard sciences" made me feel inferior.

I took five years off before pursuing my Master's Degree in Education, but it paid off ... I graduated with a 3.95 "average". Yes, it was all about the GPA. At that moment in my life, I needed to prove to myself that I was "above-average" to feel successful.

That's been over two decades, but I still, in every class I take, feel the need to "prove" myself. Reading Rose's book has been revolutionary. I can see the power of the principle of individuality, and want to learn to appreciate my own, and other's, jaggedness as I reach my own full potential and help those students that I teach to reach their fullest potential.

Here's a video link that I showed all of my students on the first day back to school about "fitting-in".

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Good Friend, Inc. presents "We ALL Fit" by The Figureheads