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Calpurnia was discriminated because she was a black women in the 1930's. The aunt Alexandra did not like Calpurnia and wanted her to leave the family because of her skin color. But, if it wasn't for Atticus Calpurnia would have been kicked out of the family.

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News about discrimination. Commentary and archival information about discrimination from The New York Times.

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this article shows how the mother sent a babsiter a nasty text basically dicrimanting her becasue of her race and this is what happened when the children went to church with cal and some of the folks did not approve of white children being there

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The wife of a Manhattan financier hired a nanny for her baby, but freaked out when she realized the caretaker was African-American and fired off a text message saying, "NOOOOOOOOOOO ANOTHER BLACK PERSON," a lawsuit alleges.

Lynsey Plasco-Flaxman, a Tribeca mother of two, wrote the message for her spouse, Joel Plasco, upon meeting new nanny Giselle Maurice for her first day at work in 2016.

Only she didn't send the text to Plasco - she accidentally sent it to Maurice. Twice.

When she realized the gaffe, Plasco-Flaxman immediately fired the experienced caretaker, saying she felt "uncomfortable."

She said that their outgoing nanny was African-American and had done a bad job - and that they were expecting a Filipino.

Now Maurice, 44, is suing the couple for discrimination and seeking compensation for wages she says she was promised - $350-a-day for a six-month live-in gig.

"[I want] to show them, look, you don't do stuff like that," Maurice told The Post Friday, saying they paid her for the single day's work and sent her home in an Uber.

"I know it's discrimination."

But the family says their actions were reasonable, arguing they couldn't trust Maurice after offending her.

"[My wife] had sent her something that she didn't mean to say. She's not a racist. We're not racist people," Plasco, co-chairman of the Dalmore Group investment bank, told The Post on Friday.

"But would you put your children in the hands of someone you've been rude to, even if it was by mistake? Your newborn baby? Come on."

Maurice said she never would have treated the child any differently because of her mom's text.

"This is my reputation. Why would I do something to a baby?" she said.

"I was willing to work with her and prove her wrong, but it was her conscience, and she couldn't work with me anymore."

Maurice said she had tried to settle the dispute through mediation and filed the suit after that didn't work out.

Plasco said that they didn't owe her any more money because there was no contract, and that the suit is just "extortion."

"I'm not someone who has millions of dollars lying around to just pay off people that are coming after me for extortion. And now you're playing straight into her hands," fumed the banker, who once ran the UK's biggest brokerage firm.

"My wife was two months off having a baby, suffering from a very difficult situation. You're going to go after someone like that? That's not a very nice thing to do."

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Mother accidentally sent nanny 'racist' text, fired her: suit

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The wife of a Manhattan financier hired a nanny for her baby, but freaked out when she realized the caretaker was African-American and fired off a text message saying, "NOOOOOOOOOOO ANOTHER BLACK PERSON," a lawsuit alleges.

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This is an example of discrimination because this man is being reported due to the color of his skin. Jem and Scout being talked bad about by Lula in the church because of their skin color was a similar event to what happened in the article.

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A Georgia woman has been accused of racial profiling after she called the police on an African-American man who was baby-sitting two white children.

Corey Lewis, the baby sitter, accuses the woman of following and harassing him for the better part of an hour on Sunday afternoon in Marietta, Georgia.

Lewis said he first noticed the woman staring at him as he returned to his car after taking the kids to Subway. Lewis said the woman then drove up alongside his vehicle to ask if the brother and sister were OK.

"Why wouldn't they be OK?," Lewis said he responded. His answer did not satisfy the woman who was apparently concerned for the children's safety.

Lewis said that after driving off, she then returned and asked to speak to the eldest child, Addison.

Lewis said he refused because she was a stranger. "The lady got upset and she said, 'OK, I'm going to take your license plate number,'" he recalled.

Lewis said the woman then followed as he drove home, where he was met by police. The woman has not been identified and Cobb County police could not immediately be reached for comment.

Lewis recorded parts of what happened in a series of Facebook Lives, which quickly went viral.

"It never occurred to me that someone would see us and decide to take such judgment that she took," said Lewis, who runs a local community group. "In 2018, prejudiced people exist. We are still being judged, we are still being discriminated against," he said.

The incident is the latest in a series of cases where African-Americans have found themselves confronted by police for going about their daily lives.

Earlier this year, two black men who hadn't bought anything were arrested in a Philadelphia Starbucks. The incident resulted in the coffee chain closing 8,000 stores for an afternoon of "racial-bias education."

The parents of the two children who were with Lewis on Sunday - Addison, 10, and Nicholas, 6 -said at first they struggled to wrap their heads around what had happened.

"I said are you telling me that because a woman saw a young African-American male with two white kids that they were pulled over by the police?," the children's mother, Dana Mango, recalled asking a police officer.

"He was apologetic and said, 'Yes, ma'am, I'm sorry that appears to be what happened,'" she recalled.

Mango said she didn't believe the woman was truly concerned for her kids. "It doesn't make sense in light of what happened. They weren't crying, they weren't distressed," she said.

"There was only one thing that she saw that was out of place and that was kids of a different race than the person they were with," she added. "That's not a concern for the kids. That's racial profiling."

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Georgia woman calls police on black man baby-sitting 2 white kids

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A Georgia woman has been accused of racial profiling after she called the police on an African-American man who was baby-sitting two white children. Corey Lewis, the baby sitter, accuses the woman of following and harassing him for the better part of an hour on Sunday afternoon in Marietta, Georgia.

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Boo was judged negatively even though people had never even seen him before which is the main point of this article. Boo was prejudiced but turned about being nice but afraid. This is why you should not judge people before you know.

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What Is Prejudice?

Prejudice is an often negative preconception or attitude toward members of a group. It can have a strong influence on how people behave and interact with others-particularly with those who are different in some regard-even if on an unconscious level.

Common features of prejudice include having negative feelings and holding stereotyped beliefs about members of the group, as well as a tendency to discriminate against them. In society, we often see prejudices based on characteristics like race, sex, religion, culture, and more.

When people hold prejudicial attitudes toward others, they tend to view everyone with the defining characteristic as being "all the same." They paint every individual who holds specific characteristics or beliefs with a very broad brush and fail to look at each person as a unique individual.

Prejudice vs. Discrimination

Types of Prejudice

There are numerous types of prejudice, some of which include:

Ageism, such as believing that someone is "too old" or "too young" to work in a particular role or participate in a specific activity

Classism, which may include having a negative belief about someone based on their income or looking down on someone because they are "poor" or a member of the working class

Homophobia, often defined as feeling a sense of discomfort, fear, distrust, or hatred for people who are members of the LGBTQ+ community and do not identify as heterosexual

Nationalism, which involves believing that the interests of your state's group are more important than those of other groups

Racism, which involves having a negative attitude toward members of a certain racial or ethnic group rooted in systems of power and oppression

Religious prejudice, which involves feeling negatively toward someone because of their religious beliefs, practices, or ideologies

Sexism, which involves holding certain stereotypes or beliefs about someone based on their sex or gender, such as feeling as if they can't (or can) do something based on this factor

Xenophobia, which involves disliking or fearing someone who the person considers "foreign" or "strange," often in the context of their native country

Causes of Prejudice

How is it that we can become prejudiced? There are a few potential causes to consider.

Stereotypes

In many cases, prejudices are based on stereotypes (and stereotypes are based on prejudices). A stereotype is a simplified assumption about a group based on prior experiences or beliefs.

A gender stereotype might be that only little girls can wear dresses or only little boys can play with trucks. Examples of racial stereotypes include "Black people are good at basketball," "White people can't dance," or "Asians are good at math."

According to an article in Current Directions in Psychological Science, prejudice comes from people who aren't comfortable with ambiguity being prone to make generalizations about others. These generalizations reduce the ambiguity while also allowing for quicker, often harmful decisions.

Categorizing

We are inundated with too much information to sort through all of it in a logical, methodical, and rational fashion. So, we often depend upon our ability to place people, ideas, and objects into different categories in order to make the world simpler and easier to understand.

Psychologist Gordon Allport believed that to make sense of the world around us, it's important to sort information into mental categories. "The human mind must think with the aid of categories," Allport explained in his book, "The Nature of Prejudice." "Once formed, categories are the basis for normal prejudgment. We cannot possibly avoid this process. Orderly living depends upon it."

Being able to quickly categorize information allows us to interact and react quickly, but it also leads to mistakes. For example, we tend to minimize the differences among people within certain groups and exaggerate the differences between groups. This is referred to as social categorization.

Prejudgments

In one classic experiment, participants were asked to judge the height of people shown in photographs. They were told that for every woman of a particular height, there was a man of the same height. Therefore, they were not to rely on the person's sex to determine the height.

Despite being offered a $50 cash prize for whoever made the most accurate judgments, participants consistently rated the men as being a few inches taller than the women. Because of their prejudgment that men are taller, the participants were unable to dismiss their existing categorical beliefs and judge the heights accurately.

Outgroup Homogeneity Bias

People tend to view members of outside groups as being more homogenous than members of their own group. This phenomenon is referred to as the outgroup homogeneity bias.

This perception that all members of an outgroup are alike holds whether the group is based on race, nationality, religion, age, or another group affiliation.

Historical Events

Sometimes prejudice develops in response to historical events. An example of this is holding negative beliefs against all Muslims as a result of the attacks that took place on September 11, 2001. This is known as Islamaphobia and still impacts Muslim Americans today.

Family, Friends, and Social Groups

A 2018 study involving children between the ages of 3 and 9 found that if the parents held even a subtle ethnic prejudice, this predicted whether their kids held an implicit prejudice, regardless of parenting style. This suggests that the beliefs of parental figures can influence if a prejudice develops.

Another 2018 study found similar results, but with friends versus family. This one involved 1,009 teens who were either 13 or 16 years of age and found that the attitude of their peers affected the participants' level of individual prejudice.

Impact of Prejudice

When prejudice exists, it can affect people and societies in many different ways.

Poorer Health

Studies have connected the presence of prejudice with poorer physical health, both directly and indirectly. Examples of direct impacts are living in an unhealthy environment and limited access to health resources as a result of prejudice. Indirect impacts include prejudice-related stress and altered health behaviors.

Other pieces of research have linked perceived prejudice with reduced mental health, both in terms of ethnic identity and even feelings of hope. Being part of a group that experiences real or perceived prejudices can impact health both physically and mentally.

Increased Discrimination

Stereotypes not only lead to faulty beliefs, but they can also result in discrimination. They can impact the ability of the person being discriminated against when trying to get a job, secure housing, and more. It may even result in violence.

Studies indicate that discrimination can also negatively impact health. This is because someone who is discriminated against may have poorer living conditions, a lack of access to quality healthcare, and increased stress levels.

Research has even found that discrimination can affect the health of the person's partner, increasing their risk of depression and putting greater strain on the relationship.

Reduced Multiculturalism and Segregation

We live in a world where people can often move around fairly freely. According to one study, the level that people identify with their native country impacts their level of prejudice against people wishing to immigrate to their country.

If there is a high level of prejudice against a certain immigrant group, immigration policy is likely to reflect those prejudices potentially making it harder for members of that group to immigrate. Prejudice and discrimination can also lead to segregation.

How to Reduce Prejudice

In addition to looking at the reasons why prejudice occurs, researchers have also explored different ways that it can be reduced or even eliminated. Training people to have more empathy for members of other groups is one method that has shown considerable success.

Other techniques that can be used to reduce prejudice include:

Gaining public support and awareness for anti-prejudice social norms

Increasing contact with members of other social groups

Making people aware of the inconsistencies in their own beliefs

Passing laws and regulations that require fair and equal treatment for all people

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The Psychology Behind People's Prejudices

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Prejudice is an often negative preconception or attitude toward members of a group. It can have a strong influence on how people behave and interact with others-particularly with those who are different in some regard-even if on an unconscious level.

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This video shows how privilege works and how Scout makes wasn't aware of her privalges when she was eating with Walter and she was able to put food on her plate vs Walter would normally struggle for his.

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Students Learn A Powerful Lesson About Privilege

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This books exposes children to the diffucult discrimination and prejudice that occurred in the time of to kill a mockingbird this book was showing how and why the people in the 1900s were the way the were and there beliefs.

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In the revised and updated second edition of this comprehensive book, the first anthology to integrate social-psychological literature on prejudice with sociological and historical investigations, contributors introduce readers to the key debates and principal writings on racial and ethnic conflict, representing conservative, liberal, and radical p

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In the revised and updated second edition of this comprehensive book, the first anthology to integrate social-psychological literature on prejudice with sociological and historical investigations, contributors introduce readers to the key debates and principal writings on racial and ethnic conflict, representing conservative, liberal, and radical p

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Jem has to cope with grief throughout the entire part one of the book. This is because of the loss of an important figure in his life his mother which is a cause of grief which is listed on the article.

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Coping with Grief and Loss - HelpGuide.org

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The pain of loss can feel overwhelming, but there are healthy ways to cope with your grief and learn to heal. These tips can help.

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Scout feels unbothered at the fact that her mother is dead. This is the complete opposite of Jem who reflects the article perfectly. Jem feels very sad that his mother has passed away which is similar to the feelings of the girl in the article.

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I don't think there is anything that can prepare you to lose a parent. It is a larger blow in adulthood I believe, because you are at the point where you are actually friends with your mother or father. Their wisdom has finally sunk in and you know that all of the shit you rolled your eyes at as a teenager really was done out of love and probably saved your life a time or two.

I lost both of mine two years apart; my mother much unexpected and my father rather quickly after a cancer diagnosis. My mom was the one person who could see into my soul and could call me out in the most effective way. She taught me what humanity, empathy and generosity means. My father was the sarcastic realist in the house and one of the most forgiving people I have ever met. If you wanted it straight, with zero bullshit; just go ask my dad.

Grief runs its course and it comes in stages, but I was not prepared for it to never fully go away.

My phone is never more than 1 foot away from me at bedtime, because the last time I did that I missed the call that my mother died.

The very thought of my mother's death, at times, made me physically ill for about six months after she died. I literally vomited.

Their deaths have at times ripped the remainder of our family apart. I did my best to honor their wishes and sometimes that made me the bad guy. The burden of that was immense, but I understood why I was chosen. It made me stronger as a person, so for that I am grateful.

I'm pissed that my son didn't get to experience them as grandparents. I watched it five times before his birth and I feel robbed. He would have adored them and they him.

I would not trade my time with them for anything, but sometimes I think it would have been easier had you died when I was very young. The memories would be less.

Don't bitch about your parents in front of me. You will get an earful about gratitude and appreciation. As a "Dead Parents Club" member, I would take your place in a heartbeat, so shut your mouth. Get some perspective on how truly fleeting life is.

It's like being a widow -- a "club" you never wanted to join. Where do I return this unwanted membership, please?

Other club members are really the only people who can truly understand what it does to a person. They just get it. There is no other way to explain it.

Life does go on, but there will be times even years later, you will still break down like it happened yesterday.

When you see your friends or even strangers with their mom or dad, you will sometimes be jealous. Envious of the lunch date they have. Downright pissed that your mom can't plan your baby shower. Big life events are never ever the same again.

Here I sit eight and ten years later and there are still times that I reach for the phone when something exciting happens. Then it hits me; shit, I can't call them.

Their deaths have forever changed me and how I look at the world. In an odd way it has made me a better parent. I am always acutely aware of what memories can mean to my son and how I will impact his life while I am on this earth. He deserves to know how much he is loved and when I am gone, what I teach and instill in him now, will be my legacy.
Lisa Schmidt is a Dating and Relationship coach in Detroit and the author of her own blog. She streams regularly on Periscope and is contributor for several online publications. Relationship questions can also be sent to her directly Ask Lisa Here

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10 Things That Changed Me After the Death of a Parent

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I don't think there is anything that can prepare you to lose a parent. It is a larger blow in adulthood I believe, because you are at the point where you are actually friends with your mother or father.

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This article talks about how a kid has really struggled to move on after the death of her mother. This is similar to how Jem does not let go of his mother after her death. This affects Jem in the story because he still thinks of her and every once in a while gets very sad due to that fact.

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Nicki Fuchs got her first period at her mother's funeral when she was 11. A few days before, on Valentine's Day, her family had found her 34-year-old mom, Rachel, dead with no explanation. At the time, Rachel worked at a veterinary clinic and lived with Nicki's stepdad and Nicki in California. Then suddenly they were burying her and Fuchs was bleeding.

"I had to become a woman that day. That was a pretty painful thing for a very long time, getting that period," Fuchs says. "From February until June, I lied about having a period every month because I was in denial about life. I just shut down."

After her mom's death, Nicki's biological dad gained full custody of her, and she had to move from California, where she had a tight-knit, supportive group of friends who were there when her mother died, to Maryland with her dad. There, she says she had to learn how to live a new life. She felt like her dad and his wife wanted her to forget what had happened.

For two years, she didn't believe her mom was dead. She thought maybe her mom was playing a game or testing her. "Because I was so young, I didn't get to grieve her. I just had to keep living life, go through school, and pretend like everything was okay," says Fuchs. "I can't tell you how many times my stepparents and dad asked, 'how are you not over it?'"

Although grief is a normal human experience that most people adapt to over time, losing a parent when a child is young is a significant stressor that requires extra support, says Dan Wolfson, a clinical psychologist specializing in grief and loss. Wolfson speaks from years of personal and professional experience. His mom died from breast cancer when he was 18, and he's the clinical director of Experience Camps for Grieving Children and a researcher at Columbia University's Center for Complicated Grief.

"Having the loss of a parent disrupts our foundation-our sense of security and safety, having secure attachment, having this parent provide everything that parents provide for us. That all gets blown to pieces when we lose a parent," Wolfson says.

An estimated 1.5 million US children lose one or both parents by the age of 15, comprising about five percent of the population. In younger children, grief often manifests in anxiety. Because children rely on their parents to meet their basic needs, kids who have lost a parent may ask who will pick them up from school or make dinner. They sometimes worry about their surviving parent dying, too.

The death of a parent often leads to other losses, too, such as having to move, switch schools, or live with a different parent, like Fuchs experienced. Because the family's financial situation may change if the deceased parent worked, teens may have to get a job to help support the family or watch younger siblings. If the parents were together at the time of death or maintained a strong bond after ending their relationship, the surviving parent may also be grieving deeply, which can impact their ability to support their children.
More from VICE:
As teens, Wolfson says kids' grief can begin to look more like depression or low self-esteem. Having a parent die at a young age is a life-altering experience that can make them feel different from their peers. Feeling socially isolated can hurt kids' self-esteem, which can put them at risk for anxiety, depression, and substance abuse. Fuchs says that almost 20 years after Rachel's death, she still felt out of place up until recently.

In adolescence, kids also typically become more independent and less affectionate with their parents as they develop their own identities. If a parent dies during this healthy individuation process, their teenager may feel guilty about it.

A 2000 Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry and Allied Disciplines study found that about 1 out of every 5 children who've lost a parent will develop a psychiatric disorder. Childhood bereavement research also suggests that having a parent who died due to suicide, an accident, or another sudden cause may further increase the risk for major depression and post-traumatic stress disorder.

But Wolfson is quick to emphasize that with the right kinds of support, children and teens can adapt, learn to express their grief in healthy ways, and thrive. A parent's death is going to have psychological and physical impacts on a child, but those impacts can often be overcome with time and help.

"I feel like I've been able to witness for myself and children I've worked with real hardships, real trauma, real challenges. I've been able to see their individual capacity to adapt and overcome and lead fulfilling, positive lives," Wolfson says. "I really believe in human potential to overcome challenges that life throws at us."

After a parent dies, Wolfson says children immediately feel that their world is unsafe, so families need to provide them with structure and assurances that their needs will be met. To help build those structures, Wolfson tells surviving parents and guardians, "don't parent alone." He recommends drawing on community resources, like support groups and camps, such as the Experience Camps where he works. He says that encouraging bereaved children to connect with other kids is one of the best things parents and guardians can do, as well as telling stories about the deceased parent and helping the child build a redefined relationship with them.

As time passes, it's important for children to know that it's okay to say that something sad and hard has happened to them, but they can also go on to have a positive life. In his 2013 book David and Goliath: Underdogs, Misfits, and the Art of Battling Giants, journalist Malcolm Gladwell details the work of psychologist Marvin Eisenstadt, who found that from a selection of 573 famous or high-achieving individuals, a quarter had parents who passed away before they were 10. Almost 35 percent had lost parents by the age of 15, and 45 percent by the time they were 20. Wolfson attributes this phenomenon to the power of human resilience.

"I don't think I would say, 'it's a good thing to have your parent die,' but what I would say is that it teaches people from a younger age that I can have shit happen to me, I can have really challenging things happen in my life, and I'm able to deal with that," Wolfson says.

In college, Fuchs says she binge-drank and was obsessed with sex. She dyed her brown hair blonde like Rachel's hair because she felt like she needed to look like her mom so she wouldn't forget her. It wasn't until Fuchs was in graduate school that she says she felt safe enough to process her mother's death.

Yet Fuchs' desire to know what killed her mom led her down a path where she's found fulfillment. As a biology major, she took pharmacology class where she had to write a paper on a drug of her choice, so she looked up her mom's toxicology report and read about the drug combination found in her system. That's how she learned that her mom probably acquired at least one of the drugs from her job at the veterinary clinic. Now a scientist and comedian, Fuchs says Rachel's death sparked two of her greatest passions.

"I don't think I would have become a drug scientist if I wasn't curious about what happened to her," Fuchs says. "I think my job is really cool and what I do everyday and how I make money is really exciting. I don't think I'd be able to do stand-up comedy without having gone that low to want to show people that laughing is the cure for everything."

Fuchs says there are still times when she wishes her mom were alive. Other times, she thinks that if Rachel were here, Fuchs wouldn't be leading the life she has.

In August 2016, Fuchs went on a retreat for women who were 21 or younger when their mothers died. Led by Hope Edelman, author of Motherless Daughters: The Legacy of Loss, and a grief counselor, the retreat allowed Fuchs to reflect on losing her mom through writing and sharing exercises and spending time with other women who experienced the same loss. Fuchs says she cried a lot. The retreat showed her that she wasn't alone.

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How the Death of a Parent Affects a Child

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Nicki Fuchs got her first period at her mother's funeral when she was 11. A few days before, on Valentine's Day, her family had found her 34-year-old mom, Rachel, dead with no explanation. At the time, Rachel worked at a veterinary clinic and lived with Nicki's stepdad and Nicki in California.

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This article is an example of compassion similar to the compassion the Finches show Calpurnia. Just like Calpurnia this man was taken in as an act of compassion. Calpurnia being taken in due to compassion is a major reason as to why Scout is who she is because Calpurnia has been very compassionate towards.

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A 30-year-old man with special needs has been given a whole new lease on life thanks to his former teacher who he had not seen in years.

Two months ago, police found Chris Barrington wandering the streets of Gatesville, Texas. Since Barrington's father had been struggling with late-stage leukemia, he had lost the ability to move, leaving him unable to care for his son.

Barrington, who can only function at the cognitive level of a 6-year-old, had been lost in the city for two days before he was picked up by police officers. He told the department that he had no other living family members-but he did remember the name of Michell Girard, his former junior high school teacher.

It had been years since Girard had been in contact with her former student, but when police reached out to her about Barrington's predicament, she couldn't help but feel responsible for him.

RELATED: When Sick Teen Needed Stable Housing to Get a Kidney, His Math Teacher Welcomed Him Home

"I said 'what happens if I don't take him? Will he get in a group home?' They said, 'no he'll go in to an institution,'" Girard told KWTX. "I said not on my watch he's not."

Girard then took Barrington into her care. Since his father passed away on August 1st, Girard has been applying to become the young man's official guardian.

Not only that, she threw him his first ever birthday party earlier this month.

"He's never had a birthday present, a birthday party, he's never had Christmas, thanksgiving, nothing," she added. "So this year is going to be full of firsts."

( WATCH the news coverage below) - Photo by ABC News
Be Sure And Share This Sweet Story Of Kindness With Your Friends On Social Media...

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After Special Needs Man Was Found Wandering the Streets Without a Family, His Former Teacher Took Him In

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A 30-year-old man with special needs has been given a whole new lease on life thanks to his former teacher who he had not seen in years. Two months ago, police found Chris Barrington wandering the streets of Gatesville, Texas.

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in this article the writer explains that compassion can lead to more friends happieness and more success this is something scout could have learned when she was younger because of the fact she was not very thoughtfull when it came to friends at school

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the recipe for happiness and success? try compassion - cnn

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Want to be happy and successful? Try compassion

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Looking for the recipe for happiness and success? Learn why compassion for others is the key.

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This podcast talks about the fact that compassion isnt always about recieving but mostly giving and making someones day but it dosent always have to be giving even when you think youre giving you could be recieving in acts of generosity.this is when the children gave walter food even though they knew they wouldn't get paid back or when the teacher wanted to give Walter the money but he wouldn't accept it

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NIPUN MEHTA You know, this guy came up to me one time and he says, I want to talk to you about, about generosity and kindness. And we were at a cafe. We were having lunch. And he says, "You know, I know about giving, but I don't know about receiving. And what are your tips for receiving?" You know, this guy is a very affluent sort of philanthropist guy. So we start talking and at the end of the meal, it's time to pay the check. And he's like, "No, no, you can't pay." And I said, "No, no, you can't pay. Let me do it."

So what we decided to do was I said, "I'll pay for this table, but you pay for a random table." And so he calls the waitress over and he starts to have a conversation. And he says, "You know, I'd like to pay for another table." And the first thing is the waitress looks at us like, "Why? You know, what's going on here? And then he says, look, I just wanna make somebody's day. And so this woman then says, "OK, fine, I get this. OK? Who?" So somehow he picked a table and this woman now has to go in. And, you know, our waitress, her name was Mandy, goes to the table. And Mandy comes back with this incredible joy. We're like, "What happened? How was it?" And she's like, "Oh, it was. It was amazing. They looked at me and they're like, "Wow, do you guys do this here all the time as we're not from here." And she was no longer just our waitress. She was our compatriot in goodness, you know. And at the end of that incredible interaction, I looked at my friend and I said, "You know, were you giving?" Because he did give right, he provided financial capital. Or were you receiving? And it was so clear with a beaming smile on his face that he was receiving.

DACHER KELTNER Back in the 90s, Nipun Mehta led a group of volunteers in Silicon Valley to use their tech savvy to help others-- without any specifics about what they'd get in return. The movement led to Service Space, a group now helping millions worldwide do daily acts of kindness and generosity.

As our Happiness Guinea Pig today, Nipun tried a practice that speaks to one of his most deeply held beliefs: that kindness brings joy to the giver just as much as the receiver.

Nipun, it's always great to be with you, thanks for being on The Science of Happiness.

NIPUN MEHTA What a joy to be here. Thank you, Dacher.

DACHER KELTNER Tell us about Service Space.

NIPUN MEHTA So the way we started was by building websites for nonprofits. So we went to a homeless shelter and we said, we can't do what you're doing, but can we help you with something else?

And it was great because they initially at that time, they didn't even know what the website was, you know? Say they were like, okay, what do you need? And, you know, I remember the woman at the shelter, she gave me a screwdriver and she says, here's my computer. You can put whatever you want in it. And I was like, we'll do that from home. And they were like, what kind of volunteering is that? And so we told our friends about it and it became this counterculture underground movement in the Silicon Valley initially, and it spread all around the world.

DACHER KELTNER So Nipun, it's not random then that as our happiness guinea pig, you chose one of my favorite of our practices, which is the random acts of kindness practice. Could you walk us through how you do that, what the five steps are?

NIPUN MEHTA The practice here was to do five acts of kindness in one day, which is great. So the steps of the practice is, you wake up and you say, "Today, I'm going to do five acts of kindness," you know? And that's just the orientation with which you meet all your day's actions.

DACHER KELTNER So it's just doing five practices of kindness.

NIPUN MEHTA It's just doing five acts of kindness.

DACHER KELNTER How long did it take you?

NIPUN MEHTA Well, I mean, each act of kindness by itself is just a couple of minutes. But its ripple effect is long. Yeah. So it stays inside your heart and it changes, I'm sure it changes your biochemistry. Yeah. Well we know that I usually quote you.

DACHER KELTNER Mention the old vagus nerve, and how it's activated by kindness! No, it's fundamental.

NIPUN MEHTA But it's kind of fun to go out on the streets and or to just hold your day in the light of, "Well I'm going to do acts of kindness today."

DACHER KELTNER So what did you do?

NIPUN MEHTA I always keep small things in my in my pocket. And so I have these small little heart pins. And so on this particular day, one of my neighbor's kids was walking through and I just kind of ran into her and, you know, you hold your hand up and she gives you high fives. Get excited by jumping. And so I was just kind of just taking like 30 seconds. And at the end, I gave her a little heart pin. So that was great. A little later in the day I was out at the store. And I you know, I was just at the checkout and instead of just saying thank you to the cashier, I asked her her name. And and then, you know, when you say, "Thank you, Helen." It sounds a lot different than, "Thank you." Yeah. And it just kind of brought a smile on her face. And that's a tough job. You know, you're like you're you're doing the same thing again and again and everyone's feeling entitled to their products. And they're using, you know, it's like you're not really seeing this as a person with their own journey because you're sort of in a rush you know, on your way to something else. So, yeah, I think that was meaningful.

DACHER KELTNER You know, and when we go to the science of kindness, there's so much kindness in these subtle acts of like how you use your voice, how you make eye contact. You know, we know scientifically when you make eye contact, you actually you sort of elicit oxytocin release in other people. Like even using somebody's name. When you did these five practices of kindness, what were some of your favorite reactions that you got?

NIPUN MEHTA I was actually at a school and we were talking about kindness and how we can all do small acts of kindness. And it creates an outer ripple effect, but also an inner ripple effect. And at the end, they gave me bouquets and, you know, it was like this whole process. And it was multiple bouquets. And there's no way I'm going to need multiple bouquets of flowers. And so I opened it up and I said, you know, I asked the kids to go out and thank somebody in the school. Like, it could be a janitor, it could be somebody in the in the kitchen staff, it could be a fellow student, it could be a teacher. And the context was there. And so they all lined up and I looked each person in the eye. No, I didn't have the oxytocin view, but I just cared. And so we I would look them in the eye and I would say, thank you for doing this act of kindness. And I would give each one a flower. They even brought more flowers because there were a lot more kids. And by the end of the line, this one girl. This is a true story. I mean, this one girl comes back with tears in her eyes and she says, "You know, can I get another flower?" That she tapped into that goodness in herself that felt so meaningful. And she says, "Can I do it again?" And that's very resonant with my own experience. You know, I can't stop doing kindness. I mean, no one can. If you really started doing that, you just you're like, "Why? Why would you not be kind all the time?" Like, it's just the way to be.

DACHER KELTNER It is.

NIPUN MEHTA But I but I learned that from from these kids, you know. So they're they're very much closer to that core than sometimes adults.

I would recommend all listeners to go appreciate a bus driver. And then ask them how many times has this happened to them in their life? Yeah. And they'll be like the first time. And you're like, what kind of a world are we creating where, you, no one has appreciated a bus driver that's been giving rides to everybody for decades, right?" And so you're like, wow.

DACHER KELTNER So what do you think that says about how we typically live our lives, and how might this practice help us change that?

NIPUN MEHTA So usually our day's actions are very oriented towards me. What am I going to do? What am I going to get? You open each door and you kind of you go in as a consumer and you say, what am I going to take from this? What am I going to get from this? Right. But here are the practices to actually turn it around and say, I'm going to be a contributor. And so you open each door and you say, how can I contribute? How can I give? And as you start doing that and you say, "OK, well, I was just act number one and asked number two." And by the time you get to, you know, four or five, you start realizing, "Wow, maybe I can just do that all day." Like there's a kind of internal momentum that is built, and that becomes very powerful. And then the invitation to yourself, the unspoken sort of invitation, is, "Why don't I do this every day? You know, why am I not like this every hour?" Just because you're opening a door and saying, what can I contribute doesn't mean you're not going to get anything. You're going to get a lot. Yeah. And so it can potentially change your life.

DACHER KELTNER What strikes you about the meaning of kindness as you've done your travels and your work?

NIPUN MEHTA We really have to learn to not keep track of how much we're giving and receiving. If I give you financial capital, I'm saying, "Okay, you're going to bring me back financial capital." But you know, you might give apples and you might get oranges in return. And that actually, it's just not about the oranges and apples. It's actually about the relationships that's built because of that whole process. That does something to you, that changes the world

The way I think about it, I think we give then we learn that in giving we are receiving and then ultimately we stop keeping track of how much we're giving and how much we're receiving. I think of it as dancing, you know. So give, receive, and dance.

DACHER KELTNER Wow, that's really well put.What are some personal experiences that shaped this perspective on kindness?

NIPUN MEHTA In 2005, 2004, I got married and my wife. We sold everything we had and put a few boxes at my parents' house. Took a one-way ticket, went to the guy on the Gandhi Ashram and we said we're going to walk south, do acts of kindness on the way home and eat whatever food is offered and sleep wherever places offered.

DACHER KELTNER How long did you do that?

NIPUN MEHTA So we did it for a thousand kilometer.

DACHER KELTNER Oh, my God.And were there particular moments or families that you visited that really stay with you?

NIPUN MEHTA We were walking through this area where there was a well, you know, very few people, very rural. Water was really hard to come by. And this is probably about 120 degrees heat. And so you're you're wondering, you know, there's so many question marks going through your mind. Yeah. And, you know, from a distance, we see this woman. And she's like this old grandma. And she calls us in and she kind of waves us saying she thinks that isn't who she is, as you must be thirsty. And I was like, yeah, we are thirsty. And so she brought us water in this half broken pot. And it was really powerful because later I learned that it took her four hours to go get that water. And so we received that water.

People would borrow food to feed us. And we were just confronted with that kind of generosity. And you're just like, wow, I'm you know, maybe I'll practice that tomorrow in a deeper way. Yeah. And so we were just so inspired by all these people along the way. And I think I would say the core lesson I was left with was initially sometimes many times I would say, well, you know, gosh, that guy really didn't need to be mean like that. Yeah. And I would say, "Why isn't the world a little kinder?" And I think by the end of the pilgrimage, the question that I was holding for myself was not why isn't the world a little kinder? How can I be a little kinder for the world?

DACHER KELTNER How do you take that kind of radical experience and then find it in your life today? Like on a daily basis, how would you tell your friends, like, if you can't do the thousand kilometre pilgrimage, what do you do today?

NIPUN MEHTA I think the real point of it was that you learn to be the change. You realize that no matter what the context, you can practice love. You can be kind. You can be generous. Yeah. And I think there's this narrative that generosity is a luxury sport. And hello,it's our human right to be kind and to be loving. And I mean you don't need material things to do that.

And so like for example, I've been married what now 14 years. And one of my practices is every single morning, my wife loves tea to wake her up, and I make her Indian chai. And no matter when she wakes up, she's got it. You know, some of the years she's had jobs where it's like she's super early out the door at like 5:30 AM. and I wake up and I'll make it. And it sounds like a chore. But actually it's it's the most amazing thing. I did it this morning.

DACHER KELTNER All right. I always feel that the work that you're doing and the degree of kindness you're promoting in the world just exudes into me. And I'm really grateful to be in conversation with you, to be your friend and for you to be on the show. Thank you so much.

NIPUN MEHTA Thank you, Dacher. The feeling is very mutual.

DACHER KELTNER It's all too clear today that hatred can spread across our social networks, whether that's online or in real life. But can kindness be just as contagious as cruelty?

JAMIL JAKI We had the intuition that conformity could just as easily be a force for positive behaviors, things like kindness and empathy.

DACHER KELTNER Kindness expert Jamil Zaki talks about his experiment exploring why we act the way the ways we do.

JAMIL JAKI And in order to meet that goal, they do what other people around them do. They feel what other people around them feel. They think what other people around them think. And we know that conformity can be a really destructive force. I mean, you think about people who become politically polarized and hateful because others around them are. We see people around us acting kindly, then maybe we might be inspired to do so as well.

DACHER KELNTER Jamil tested this out. He gave a group of people repeated opportunities to donate real money to a charity. But before donating, they saw what they believed was the average amount donated by 100 people before them. Those numbers were all made up.

JAMIL JAKI We wanted to manipulate whether they believed that they lived in a caring and kind or indifferent and stingy world. What we found was that people conformed. If they believe that others around them were acting kindly and generously, they did too. And if they believed that others were mostly indifferent, they acted indifferently as well.

DACHER KELTNER Participants then read short vignettes about homeless people's lives, and they saw data about how much empathy other participants felt afterwards. People in this part of the study only knew how much empathy others felt towards homeless people, nothing was said about donating money.

JAMIL JAKI But then participants had a chance to donate to a local homeless shelter and all of those donations were real.

DACHER KELTER When people thought others felt more empathy toward homeless people, they were more likely to feel more empathy themselves. And they were more likely to donate more money.

JAMIL JAKI So this suggests to us that we don't just imitate people's kind behavior. We actually kind of catch their feelings about other people, their sense of care for others. And that in turn drives us to be more generous and to be kinder.

DACHER KELTNER If you'd like to try the Random Acts of Kindness practice, or want to check out other practices to boost kindness, connection and happiness in your own life, visit, ggia.berkeley.edu. Then tell us how it went by using the hashtag #happinesspod' or emailing us at greater@berkeley.edu.

I'm Dacher Keltner. Thanks for joining me on the Science of Happiness.

Our work on the Science of Happiness is made possible through the incredibly generous support of listeners like you. That's true for all the resources we produce here at the Greater Good Science Center. If you're a fan of the Science of Happiness and you want to help us bring more kindness, connection, and happiness to the world, please visit ggsc.berkeley.edu/donate. We're grateful for every gift. Thank you.

Our podcast is a co-production of UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center and PRI/PRX, with production assistance from Jennie Cataldo and Ben Manilla of BMP Audio. Our producer is Shuka Kalantari, our associate producer is Annie Berman, our executive producer is Jane Park. Our editor-in-chief is Jason Marsh. Special thanks to UC Berkeley's Graduate School of Journalism.

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NIPUN MEHTA You know, this guy came up to me one time and he says, I want to talk to you about, about generosity and kindness. And we were at a cafe. We were having lunch. And he says, "You know, I know about giving, but I don't know about receiving.

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empathy does not laways mean to feel with someone but you can be empathetic in many other ways even when atticus told scout and the other children to climb into someones skin and walk around

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It's hard to watch someone who is suffering. We may feel their pain or absorb their sorrow; we may worry that we won't know what to do or say. Those uncomfortable moments might make us turn away from their distress-to preserve our own well-being or to carry on with our lives.

But this is the wrong approach, says psychiatrist and researcher Helen Riess, author of the new book The Empathy Effect. The ability to connect empathically with others-to feel with them, to care about their well-being, and to act with compassion-is critical to our lives, helping us to get along, work more effectively, and thrive as a society.

Most of Riess's research on empathy has focused on health care. Since doctors are confronted with suffering day in and day out, their situation is fitting for observing how empathy affects well-being. While doctors may think turning off their feelings and creating emotional distance helps them remain objective and provide better care, Riess's research has shown that doing so makes patients distrustful, disgruntled, and less cooperative. And it makes for lonelier, less effective, and more burned-out physicians.

What should doctors-and the rest of us-do instead? Practice empathy, says Riess. Not only does being empathic improve health care, she argues, it also improves human interactions in general.

"All parties are equally enriched when we perceive and respond to each other with empathy and compassion," she writes. "After all, it's the human bond that adds the music to the words in life."

What is empathy?

Many confuse empathy (feeling with someone) with sympathy (feeling sorry for someone), and even researchers who study it have muddied the waters with many definitions. But Riess does a good job of untangling that and explaining the many dimensions of empathy. Empathy, she writes, involves an ability to perceive others' feelings (and to recognize our own emotions), to imagine why someone might be feeling a certain way, and to have concern for their welfare. Once empathy is activated, compassionate action is the most logical response.

Empathy relies on specific parts of the brain that evolved to enable emotional connection with others and the motivation to care. When we see someone in pain-let's say, because we witnessed them accidentally cut themselves-pain pathways in our own brains light up, though to a lesser degree. This is the emotional part of empathy-sometimes called emotional resonance-that many doctors ignore or push away, though that works against their compassionate instincts, says Riess.
"[Your] sophisticated neurological system allows you to observe others hurting and gives you just enough of a taste of the pain to consider helping them out," she writes.

Still, we can't rely on emotional resonance alone. For one thing, it tends to be stronger for people who are similar to us, and that's problematic in a doctor's office...and in life. Luckily, empathy also has a cognitive component-an understanding that our feelings may not be the same as someone else's. Separating our pain from theirs allows us to soothe any discomfort we feel, while staying curious about what they are going through.

"We must understand the situation from the other person's physical, psychological, social, and spiritual perspectives," she says.

The third aspect of empathy is concern-"the inner motivation that moves people to respond and express the urge to care about another person's welfare." Unfortunately, that concern varies a lot from person to person and is influenced by different environmental factors, such as how much the person in need resembles you (and your "tribe"), whether you encounter suffering in one person or the suffering of multitudes, whether you think someone deserves to suffer because of their bad behavior, and your social status (the more powerful or rich you are, the less likely you will be to notice suffering and care to intervene).

This suggests that while empathy is a built-in biological response to suffering, we still need to work at it, if we want to use it in more trying situations.

Empathy can be taught

We may find it hard to empathize with some people. But that doesn't mean we can't strengthen our empathy muscles, according to Riess. She suggests becoming more adept at perceiving others' emotions, learning self-regulation techniques to help us not get overwhelmed by excessive emotional resonance, and finding ways to encourage perspective taking.

To that end, she has developed a program called EMPATHICS that has been taught to physicians and successfully improves their ability to read emotions and their level of burnout, as well as patient satisfaction. This is good news, as doctor/patient relationships seem to make a significant contribution to patient health.

Riess uses the acronym EMPATHY to outline the steps of her program:

E: Eye contact. An appropriate level of eye contact makes people feel seen and improves effective communication. Riess recommends focusing on someone's eyes at least long enough to gauge eye color, and making sure you are face to face when communicating.

M: Muscles in facial expressions. As humans, we often automatically mimic other people's expressions without even realizing it. By being able to identify another's feelings-often by distinctive facial muscle patterns-and mirroring them, we can help communicate empathy.

P: Posture. Sitting in a slumped position can indicate a lack of interest, dejection, or sadness; sitting upright signals respect and confidence. By understanding what postures communicate, we can take a more open posture-face forward, legs and arms uncrossed, leaning toward someone-to encourage more open communication and trust.

A: Affect (or emotions). Learning to identify what another is feeling and naming it can help us better understand their behavior or the message behind their words.

T: Tone. "Because tone of voice conveys over 38 percent of the nonverbal emotional content of what a person communicates, it is a vital key to empathy," writes Riess. She suggests matching the volume and tone of the person you are talking to and, generally, using a soothing tone to make someone feel heard. However, when a person is communicating outrage, moderating your tone-rather than matching theirs-is more appropriate.

H: Hearing. Too often, we don't truly listen to one another, possibly because of preconceptions or simply being too distracted and stressed. Empathic listening means asking questions that help people express what's really going on and listening without judgment.

Y: Your response. Riess is not talking about what you'll say next, but how you resonate with the person you are talking to. Whether or not we're aware of it, we tend to synch up emotionally with people, and how well we do it plays a role in how much we understand and like them.

Empathy beyond health care settings

While Riess has mostly focused on doctor/patient relationships, her book is a plea to look beyond health care and imagine a world where empathy is infused into everyday life.

Even young children can read others' emotions and have a propensity to want to help people in distress, Riess points out. We could help them to build on those skills through role modeling and giving them opportunities to flex their empathy muscles. How well parents understand their children's emotions, try to take their perspective, and affirm their worth is tied to how they do later in life.

"When a child is not mirrored, he may give up trying to achieve his goals, or if he becomes a high-achiever, his accomplishments may give him little pleasure," she writes.

Of course, as children grow, other relationships become important, too. School teachers can increase children's sense of self-worth by treating them with respect and warmth, avoiding harsh disciplinary tactics, and engaging them in learning, says Riess. They can also directly teach empathy through literature, simulations, and other techniques.

Riess describes other instances where empathy is crucial-for example, when we encounter people who are different from us, when we ourselves have made a mistake and need self-empathy, in our workplaces, and even within government. And she examines the potential downsides of empathy, too-like when perspective taking is used to get inside people's heads and manipulate them rather than to show caring.

Still, the importance of empathy in everyday life cannot be oversold. By understanding how it works and can be augmented in ourselves and our children, we have one of the key tools to cultural transformation, Riess believes.

She writes, "We have hope to help shape a more civil society, respectful discourse, understanding of others, and a humane world."

Greater Good wants to know: Do you think this article will influence your opinions or behavior?

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Why the World Needs an Empathy Revolution

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It's hard to watch someone who is suffering. We may feel their pain or absorb their sorrow; we may worry that we won't know what to do or say. Those uncomfortable moments might make us turn away from their distress-to preserve our own well-being or to carry on with our lives.

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this video shows that the importance of empathy is not just helping people when they are sturgling but to get on there level and go through what they are going through just like when scout was being mean to walter

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This videos view on empathy is very similar to that of To Kill a Mockingbird's. This video talks about making connections to other people by understanding and feeling what they're going through. This is mentioned in the book when Atticus says,"You never really understand a person until you consider things in his point of view,"(Lee, 39). This is a vital point in the plot because it is when Scout first learns empathy.