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It's OK to be Different: A Children's Picture Book About Diversity and Kindness. This book is written by Sharon Purtill and illustrated by Sujata Saha. This book talks about how children are different and that it is ok to be different. The book discussed how some children like certain hobbies then others, have different likes and dislikes, look different on the outside such as hair color and skin color. This gives the children a since of peace in knowing that being different is a good thing.

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It's OK to be Different: A Children's Picture Book About Diversity and Kindness

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It's OK to be Different: A Children's Picture Book About Diversity and Kindness [Purtill, Sharon, Saha, Sujata] on Amazon.com. *FREE* shipping on qualifying offers. It's OK to be Different: A Children's Picture Book About Diversity and Kindness

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Speak Up, Wonder Pup: A Kid's Guide to Standing Up for Yourself (Self-Regulation) This book is written by Angela Murphy and illustrated by Davis Graham. “There’s a RIGHT way to speak up, and there are WRONG ways too! When kids learn the RIGHT way to speak up, they feel empowered, confident and proud of themselves. When kids use the all-too-common WRONG ways, they often end up in trouble and feeling worse about themselves than when they started. In Speak Up, Wonder Pup - the first book of the Self-Regulation Series - Zane learns how to use his WORDS and his BODY to stand up for himself.  Before Zane was adopted into his new family, his go-to strategies were either fight, flight, or freeze. His emotions were TOO BIG to handle and he didn’t have the words to communicate! With help from his big brother Draper, Zane learns the “I Message”: a simple 3-step technique that helps keep him calm and SPEAK UP for himself. “This explains what the book is about and how it can benefit the children when they listen to the book!

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Speak Up, Wonder Pup: A Kid's Guide to Standing Up for Yourself (Self-Regulation)

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Speak Up, Wonder Pup: A Kid's Guide to Standing Up for Yourself (Self-Regulation) [Murphy, Angela, Graham, Davis] on Amazon.com. *FREE* shipping on qualifying offers. Speak Up, Wonder Pup: A Kid's Guide to Standing Up for Yourself (Self-Regulation)

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Whoever You Are (Reading Rainbow Books). This book is written by Mem Fox and illustrated by Leslie Staub. This book talks about how children around the world are all different such as the homes they live in, the clothes they wear, the languages they speak, the alphabets, the different colored hair and skin. It also discusses how even though everyone may look different and talk different and dress differently, we all bleed the same, we all laugh the same and we all hurt the same. So, no matter wherever we are in the world to always be kind to others and treat them the way you want to be treated.

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Amazon.com: Whoever You Are (Reading Rainbow Books) (8601404297175): Fox, Mem, Staub, Leslie: Books

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Here are a few examples of some suggestions that the teachers in the classroom to help prevent gender bias in early childhood. “Send only nonsexist, non-stereotyped messages (Miller, 2001). Provide equal opportunity for girls and boys to speak (Derman-Sparks, Edwards, 2010, 98). Avoid responding more quickly to children of one gender than another (Miller, 2002). Discuss gender issues by involving children in helping to solve gender-related problems that may arise (Miller, 2002). Use gender-neutral language (Choose plural pronouns, such as “they” and “them,” instead of masculine pronouns such as “he” and “him” and words such as firefighter, flight attendant, garbage collector, and humankind can easily be used to replace the use of “man” as a generic noun or ending.) Change traditional children's music, rhymes, and finger plays so that they include characters of both genders. For example, alternate male and female names: In Mary had a Little Lamb, use “Jimmy” instead of “Mary.” Interchange parental roles: In Five Little Monkeys, interchange “Mama” and “Papa.” Make verses gender neutral: In The Wheels on the Bus, use “parents” instead of “mommies;” in Where Is Thumbkin? use “Friend” instead of “Sir;” in Old MacDonald Had a Farm, use “The MacDonalds” instead of “Old MacDonald” and “they” instead of “he.”

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The foundation for gender identity formation gets established during the preschool years (Derman-Sparks and Edwards, 2010, 91). By age three, although most children can identify themselves as boys or girls, they are still sorting out the concept of gender (Roberts and Hill, 2003). "The support they get or do not get in their preschool years lays the foundation for the rest of their gender identity formation," according to Louise Derman-Sparks and Julie Olsen Edwards (2010, 91).

Adults can take a variety of measures to create fair and gender-equitable environments for young children. They can:

Reflect on their own attitudes and behaviors.

Send only nonsexist, non-stereotyped messages (Miller, 2001).

Provide equal opportunity for girls and boys to speak (Derman-Sparks, Edwards, 2010, 98).

Avoid responding more quickly to children of one gender than another (Miller, 2002).

Discuss gender issues by involving children in helping to solve gender-related problems that may arise (Miller, 2002).

Use gender-neutral language (Choose plural pronouns, such as "they" and "them," instead of masculine pronouns such as "he" and "him" and words such as firefighter, flight attendant, garbage collector, and humankind can easily be used to replace the use of "man" as a generic noun or ending.)

Change traditional children's music, rhymes, and finger plays so that they include characters of both genders. For example, alternate male and female names: In Mary had a Little Lamb, use "Jimmy" instead of "Mary." Interchange parental roles: In Five Little Monkeys, interchange "Mama" and "Papa." Make verses gender neutral: In The Wheels on the Bus, use "parents" instead of "mommies;" in Where Is Thumbkin? use "Friend" instead of "Sir;" in Old MacDonald Had a Farm, use "The MacDonalds" instead of "Old MacDonald" and "they" instead of "he."

(Bias-Free Foundations: Early Childhood Guidebook & Activities for Educators, 2001, 8)

Ensure the environment reflects diversity in gender roles and encourages opportunities for everyone by including:

Alternatives to the pretend kitchen such as a workbench, home office, store, office, hospital, etc.

Gender neutral career puzzles that include images of men and women in non-stereotypical roles such as: girls and women depicted as physical and strong, in leadership roles and having occupations in fields such as sports, science, mechanics, etc. and boys and men showing emotions other than anger, participating in domestic tasks, providing care for families, and having occupations in fields such as dance, nursing, cooking, etc.

Diverse family styles and composition

Children's books that reflect diverse gender roles

(Bias-Free Foundations: Early Childhood Guidebook & Activities for Educators, 2001, 7, 11)

Help children gain comfort with a broader range of activities, regardless of their gender.

Observe the ways children's choices seem influenced by gender lines varying groupings during free play/choice time.

Establish non-sexist routines and experiences by ensuring that all children have equal responsibility in assigned jobs (Derman-Sparks, Edwards, 2010, 97).

Help children develop skills for thinking critically and taking action.

Have them explore their ideas about gender identity and think about what is or is not "fair with respect to gender.

Teach them ways to address hurtful gender put-down.

Honor children when they stand up for themselves or others in the face of gender bias. (Derman-Sparks, Edwards, 2010, 99)

Although gender role norms have broadened over time, attentiveness to the equity and diversity in gender identity can help create a solid and positive foundation for children's future identity development.

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How Can I Prevent Gender Bias in Young Children?

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The foundation for gender identity formation gets established during the preschool years (Derman-Sparks and Edwards, 2010, 91). By age three, although most children can identify themselves as boys or girls, they are still sorting out the concept of gender (Roberts and Hill, 2003).

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Here is a great activity for the children to do that shows the children empathy! “Service Project for Less fortunate-The activity is all about helping others that are less fortunate than you. Even if you don’t have much, giving to others not only develops empathy and compassion, it develops gratitude and attracts abundance to your life. Explain to your child that no matter what a person’s situation, people will always be experiencing a harder time then you! Some people are homeless, some kids lose their families, others are sick while some don’t know what they will have for dinner! I like to explain it to a child like this. “Did you ever fall down and have a friend pick you up? Why do you think they did this? Yes, because they were kind and cared about your well-being. Since we are very kind and caring people, we, as a family, have chosen to be kind and caring to others in need! We won’t expect anything in return, we do it out of the goodness of our hearts!” Pick 1 agency on this list with your child. If it’s too hard, narrow it to 3 agencies, and research them together to figure out which on you want to help. Or help all 3 over the course of a few months!

Women’s Shelter

Food Bank

Children’s Hospital (or regular hospital)

Foster Care Agency

Churches

Convalescent Home

Homeless Shelter

Next step is to complete a service project for them as a family! Here is some ideas for you, but I do implore you to get creative and make the decision as a family.”

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5 Activities That Build Empathy In Kids | Down To Earth Vitality

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Are you interested in learning activities that build empathy in kids? Empathy builds a child's emotional intelligence and ability to be compassionate toward others! In an effort to build more empathetic kids, I have created these 5 activities that build empathy in kids! Empathy is our ability to understand and share the feelings of another.

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This resource helps families and teachers find resources in their state. “Center for Parent Information and Resources (CPIR) CPIR is a key resource for families of children with disabilities. It connects parents to their state’s resource centers so that parents can find local information about disabilities, early intervention (for babies and toddlers), school services (for school-aged children), therapy, policies, and transportation.”

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Find Your Parent Center | Center for Parent Information and Resources

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The people who work on the CPIR are not just advocates by profession—everyone on our team has a personal stake in the disability community as a parent, sibling, spouse, or otherwise.

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This resource talks about ways that childcare centers can help diverse families get involved with their childcare programs. “Creating a welcoming environment is key! First, it is important to note that for some parents stepping into your program is the first time they will step into a school in this country. Some families who have just arrived to this country do not speak English, do not know the system, and feel extremely intimidated. The first and best way to get them involved is to make them feel welcomed. Early childhood programs can make these families feel welcomed by developing relationships with them. Directors, teachers, and other early childhood staff–such as receptionists, cooks, and van/bus drivers–can attempt to get to know these families better by trying to understand their culture and their traditions.  Developing a relationship of mutual trust and respect by the director and staff is critical. Relationship building should be ongoing and have a connection to the family’s home. Once this partnership is established, families will feel more comfortable becoming engaged in their child’s early childhood program.”

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This document may be printed, photocopied, and disseminated freely with attribution. All content is the property of the McCormick Center for Early Childhood Leadership.

Parent involvement is of absolute importance in early childhood education. For many parents, this step signifies the introduction to the education system at large. Many creative opportunities exist for parent involvement in early childhood programs and most parents participate in at least one way. However, there is often a lower percentage of parent participation from parents in the diverse community.

In my past experience as a Parent Involvement Coordinator I learned that it is not because these families don't care or don't want to participate. Culturally diverse families may have many differences from mainstream families; but they also have many similarities. Wanting the best education for their children and doing whatever they can to support them is one of these great similarities.
So how can we ensure all parents become more involved in their children's early care and education experiences?
Creating a welcoming environment is key!

First, it is important to note that for some parents stepping into your program is the first time they will step into a school in this country. Some families who have just arrived to this country do not speak English, do not know the system, and feel extremely intimidated. The first and best way to get them involved is to make them feel welcomed. Early childhood programs can make these families feel welcomed by developing relationships with them. Directors, teachers, and other early childhood staff-such as receptionists, cooks, and van/bus drivers-can attempt to get to know these families better by trying to understand their culture and their traditions.

Developing a relationship of mutual trust and respect by the director and staff is critical. Relationship building should be ongoing and have a connection to the family's home. Once this partnership is established, families will feel more comfortable becoming engaged in their child's early childhood program.Page Break
Where can you go to get started in learning how to better engage diverse families in your program?
I encourage you to revisit the McCormick Center's resource, " The Value of Culture in Your Family Partnerships," for some ideas to help engage diverse families in your program. I also invite you to join us for sessions surrounding this topic at Leadership Connections™ National Conference. Or, consider exploring the  Aim4Excellence™ Module 8: Building Partnerships with Families online module to help you implement new strategies in your program. Below are resources that can provide additional insight into this topic:

Wendy is currently an Assessor and Training Specialist for McCormick Center for Early Childhood Leadership at National Louis University. Previously, Wendy worked as a Parent Involvement Coordinator for a state pre-K program.

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Engaging Diverse Families in Your Early Childhood Program

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This document may be printed, photocopied, and disseminated freely with attribution. All content is the property of the McCormick Center for Early Childhood Leadership. Parent involvement is of absolute importance in early childhood education. For many parents, this step signifies the introduction to the education system at large.

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This resource talks about a teach who did a study on gender identity in her classroom. She explains all that she observed. “Gender is an element of identity that young children are working hard to understand. It is also a topic that early childhood teachers are not always sure how best to address.  Nurture flexible thinking across all situations. Find opportunities for children to step outside their comfort zones in regard to activities, peer relationships, and personal challenges. Foster advocacy skills in oneself and others. If people have the capacity to consider unconventional ideas and bend their thinking, our interactions with one another might look very different and be healthier for individual identity development. Furthermore, I realized that exploring and understanding gender identity shouldn’t be concentrated on the experiences of a select few, such as the girls who were so interested in the camping project. Rather, my goal should be to expand everyone’s mind, thereby making more room for children to express themselves individually across the identity spectrum.”

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Thoughts on the Article | Barbara Henderson, Voices coeditor

Gender is an element of identity that young children are working hard to understand. It is also a topic that early childhood teachers are not always sure how best to address.

It's not surprising, then, that Jamie Solomon's article is the third teacher research study Voices of Practitioners has published that focuses directly on gender, joining articles from Daitsman (2011) and Ortiz, Ferrell, Anderson, Cain, Fluty, Sturzenbecker, & Matlock (2014). Jamie Solomon's teacher research demonstrates how pedagogy that takes a critical stance on gender stereotyping is a social justice issue because the performance of femininity still maps directly onto disparities in opportunity within our society.

Further, she suggests how the male/female gender binary remains a default perspective and suggests how a more inclusive view of the gender spectrum can enhance and inform our practice and worldview. Her work interprets instances that arose naturally in her teaching, and it displays how teacher research is simultaneously a study of our professional and our personal selves.

During the past 10 years of teaching in the early childhood field, I have observed young children as they develop ideas about gender identity. I soon came to understand gender expression as a larger social justice issue, realizing how external influences were already at work inside the preschool classroom, impacting children's interactions and choices for play and exploration.

This matter became a great priority in my professional life, leading me to look for ways to advocate for change. Some of this eagerness stemmed from my own frustrations about gender inequity and how, as a woman, I have felt limited, misunderstood, and pressured by societal constructs. These personal experiences inspired me to help further discussions about gender development within the early childhood field so that, one day, young children might grow up feeling less encumbered by unfair social expectations and rules.

Teaching preschooI for six years at a progressive school, I was able to engage in ongoing learning opportunities, including observation and reflection. The school's emergent curriculum approach required me to pay close attention to the children's play in order to build the curriculum and create environments based on their evolving interests.

Early one semester, while on a nature field trip, I noticed great enthusiasm coming from a small group that consisted mostly of girls. They attempted to "make a campfire" using sticks and logs. After observing several other similar play scenarios and listening to their discussions, I began building a curriculum based on the children's evolving interests. I started by offering opportunities to encourage this inquiry-for example, through drawing activities and providing tools to more closely explore the properties of wood. Several weeks later, I was gratified to see that among those most deeply engaged in our emerging curricular focus on wood, fire, and camping, the majority continued to be girls. The girls' behavior and interests involved characteristics historically categorized as masculine: joyfully getting dirty, doing hard physical work (in this case with hand tools), and being motivated by a perceived sense of danger acted out in their play-for example, pretending that a fire might erupt at any moment.

These exciting observations prompted me to investigate how a particular curriculum might encourage and support children to behave outside of society's gender constructs. My understanding of gender influences built over time; each year I noticed the power and presence of these influences in the classroom.

These questions guided my study:

How can I offer a curriculum that provides children with more opportunities for acting outside of traditional gender roles?

How can I encourage and support children who wish to behave outside of traditional gender roles?

How can I foster increasingly flexible thinking about gender among 4- and 5-year-old children?

The following study highlights excerpts not only from our major emergent project on camping and firemaking, but also from examples drawn from all of my teaching experiences that spring semester.

Literature review

Young children are continually making sense of their world, assimilating novel information and modifying their theories along the way. Most influences in the lives of young children-both human and environmental-reinforce existing stereotypes (Ramsey 2004).

Without prominent caring adults helping them consider perspectives that challenge the status quo, children, left to their own devices, tend to develop notions that conform with stereotypes (Ramsey 2004). If children are regularly exposed to images, actions, people, and words that counter stereotypes-for example through books, photographs, stories, and role models-they are likely to modify and expand on their narrow theories (Brill & Pepper 2008).

Thus, educators of young children should offer their student different perspectives, including those that counter society's confined constructs, to allow children access to a range of roles, expressions, and identities (Valente 2011). Without such efforts, we stymie young children's development, keeping them from realizing the extent of their potential.

During this teacher research project, I found many examples of girls crossing traditional gender role boundaries but only a few examples involving boys. Some researchers believe this phenomenon, a common finding in gender studies, results from our male-dominated culture, in which being male or having male characteristics is associated with power, opportunity, and prestige (Daitsman 2011).

Many young boys demonstrate awareness of these desirable qualities and perhaps worry about losing such advantages if they were to cross gender lines. Accordingly, educators must take an active role in providing both boys and girls counternarratives, and helping children question the status quo. Forman and Fyfe (2012) show faith in our human capacity to evolve, describing our understandings of the world as malleable. They write, "We hold that knowledge is gradually constructed by becoming each other's student, by taking an inquiry stance toward each other's constructs, and by sincere attempts to assimilate or reconcile each other's initial perspective" (247).

My goal is that this research will prompt educators to work on softening the system of gender rules that surrounds and governs our children. As Brown and Jones (2001) explain, "Changes in attitudes will not be achieved until certain fundamental dichotomies, which currently regulate aspects of classroom life, have been shifted" (143).

This study took place at a progressive San Francisco Bay Area preschool offering a full day, year-round program. The school serves 2 1/2 - to 5 1/2-year olds. I conducted the study in my classroom of twenty-one 4- and 5-year-olds.

The children were from diverse backgrounds racially, culturally, and socioeconomically and represented a wide range of family compositions. While all 21 children in my class were observed during the research process, particular children and groups of children became more visible in the data for various reasons. Some children stood out to me as particularly conforming or nonconforming to traditional gender roles, as compared to their peers. Alternatively, I also focused on cases where I felt I had witnessed a child break from their typical role or gender expression. I was the lead teacher and worked alongside and collaborated with two coteachers.

During the spring semester when this study was conducted, the children spent most of the morning hours in unstructured play time with the choice of working indoors or outdoors. We also spent at least one hour of every morning engaged in more structured activities, including circle time. The afternoons also included choices for indoor and outdoor play. Weekly field trips had long been integral to the school's program, so my class left the campus each Wednesday to embark on a local adventure together.

Beginning this study in the Spring, I benefited from having established relationships with the children over the first five months of the school year. By the time I began this teacher research, I had met with their parents during fall conferences and spent countless hours observing the children, connecting with them, learning their idiosyncrasies, and building trust. In fact, I had already come to know many of these children the year prior when preschoolers from various classrooms intermingled while playing in our shared yard.

My data sources included field notes and reflective notes, video and photos, and weekly journaling. The field notes generally consisted of my observations, which were recorded during natural discussions and spontaneous events. After leaving the classroom I revisited the field notes to fill in contextual holes or other missing information. Fully detailed, my field notes offered vivid samples that I could use to effectively recall experiences for analysis. I believe in many cases I reproduced conversations accurately. At other times, I captured more of the flow of an event. Excerpts from my field notes, in the upcoming Findings section, reflect this range of detail.

My analysis uses a theoretical lens suggested by Rogoff (2003), which holds that human thinking and behavior should be understood within its particular sociocultural context, that is to say an environment greatly influences those who live and learn within it and vice versa. Thus, the data is viewed in consideration of situational factors such as structured versus unstructured play, children's varied personalities, and larger societal influences like the media. My analysis also includes self-reflection, as I continually questioned my views on gender, knowing that my data had been gathered through my personal feminist lens.

The data collected-notes and images capturing young children's expressions, behavior, and interactions-was examined for evidence of gendered thinking and possible influences that caused it. After first organizing my data chronologically, I proceeded to go through it, jotting down one to five words to describe each data sample. Moving slowly, I regularly returned to previous samples, making comparisons between records and reevaluating the descriptions I was making. As new words or "codes" came to mind, I again returned to previous data samples to determine whether this concept was visible throughout the data. Thus, the process continued, moving forward and backward to compare, reevaluate, confirm new patterns, and then review.

Next, I studied my list of codes and pulled those that seemed most encompassing to serve as overarching themes. The three themes that resulted, in relation to gender, were (1) influences of materials and teacher expectations; (2) children's desire and search for power; and (3) expressions and behavior illustrating children's state of mind and development. In the following section I explore these themes, illustrating each with supporting data excerpts and my analysis of them.

Influences of materials and teacher expectations

Many factors influence children's learning experiences in the early childhood classroom. This first theme examines how the available materials-whether closed or open-ended-might guide the children's work and interactions with one another.

I primarily focus on the props and tools that I, the teacher, provided the children, the intention behind the materials offered, and my expectations on how they might be used. Of course other compounding factors should be considered here as well. For example, how our school's philosophy plays out in our classroom, the physical environment, and the emergent curriculum topics we teachers have chosen. Such factors combine to create a stage upon which the children and teachers act.

Data collected on two different days revealed contrasting behavior among the children.
The first excerpt focuses on two girls exploring new materials inspired by our emergent unit on wood, camping, and fire. During this play they assume less conventional female roles.

In the second sample, the subjects of my observation include three boys whom I observed handling baby dolls-props available throughout the year in our classroom-in a manner congruent with stereotypical gender norms.

Also included in this excerpt is a girl who was seeking to interact with me while I watched the boys. The first data sample stood out to me during analysis and I have included it for the reader because it caused me to consider how some curricular materials might offer children opportunities for acting outside of traditional gender roles. In contrast, the second sample made me think more deeply about the types of materials that we typically offer children (e.g., baby dolls), how many of these play props have strong associations with only one gender, and how open-ended materials might be less limiting for a child's self-expression and learning. (See "Field Notes, February 12, 2014.")

When the children approached the camping activity table, I gave very little instruction. Instead I explained I had seen them working with wood recently, and I wanted to give them more time and tools for their investigation. Whenever I share such observations about children's work and express curiosity, it seems to validate their interests and encourage their exploration. The group readily experimented. The activity was approachable, open-ended, and afforded a safe place to try out new ideas, actions, and roles.

The girls appeared empowered and stayed with their work for as long as possible. Their verbal expressions resembled those I had heard more often from boys in my classroom. For instance, Caitlyn and Stella deepened their voices noticeably as they loudly delighted in each discovery, saying, "OHHH" and "WHOA!" Apparently, this natural wood paired with carpentry tools served as entry vehicles into the vigorous roles that the girls assumed.

The logs were like those they had been gathering on our field trip when they tried to make fire, while the hand tools suggested new ways to transform the wood. Something about this scenario obviously captivated them, as the girls' interest in working with wood and dramatic play related to campfires and camping continued over the next several months.

In organizing this activity, I had expected more boys to be drawn to the wood and hand tools. On reflection, I see these expectations were based on my own gender-biased assumptions. Instead, this activity attracted more girls, providing them the opportunity to further explore an interest outside of traditional female roles. Such traditional roles are reinforced when girls role-play motherhood, princesses, or female characters commonly found in popular movies and other media-activities far more common in my classroom than these girls' work with wood.

On a separate occasion, much later in the school year, I found myself drawn to a group of three boys working in the dramatic play area-Robby, Peter, and Mason-during unstructured play time. I noticed that they had picked up the baby dolls, and I was intrigued, as I hadn't seen them use the dolls before. They had also brought over a roll of tape.

Perching on a nearby stepstool, I grabbed my camera, a notepad and pen, and began recording. Meanwhile, I was slightly distracted by Ella standing next to me, as she simultaneously began sharing her future plans for motherhood. (See "Field Notes, April 11, 2014"-the following dialogues are presented side by side, as they took place.)

These data samples stood out to me because of the coincidence of these two concurrent stereotypical portrayals of gender roles. While observing the group, I had perceived Ella's dialogue as disruptive, unrelated to what I was in the process of capturing. In the moment, I was not fully focused on her thoughts and did not consider them significant to the situation. When I later reflected, however, I realized that Ella had noticed I was observing this group of boys and their rough play with the dolls. Looking to connect with me, she offered her perspective on babies and caregiving.

Upon reflection, the boys' behavior reminded me of teacher researcher Aaron Neimark's description of his preschool boys playing what he called "basketball babies" (2012). Through his studies, Neimark (2012) noticed how young children often use objects in silly ways that diverge from the expected or intended use-for instance, pretending that basketballs were babies-and that this sense of creativity and comedy is an important component of peer culture.

While there seemed to be an element of humor as the boys played with the baby dolls during my observation, I further wondered about possible gender-related influences that may have caused them to interact with the props in this way. Though connecting the babies to plates and flying them around was a creative idea-a divergent one from how I had expected children to use dolls-I felt that their gender role expressions guided their actions more than simple imagination. The girls in my class didn't play with the dolls often, but when they did, their play was typically nurturing and gentle. I wondered if the boys had a tacit understanding that playing with dolls in a school setting is only acceptable if it is clearly distinct from the typical female version of such play (Brown & Jones 2001).

I find myself caught between a feminist perspective and that of the progressive teacher I sought to be: one who embraces each child's unique interpretation of an activity or idea (Brown & Jones 2001). The gender roles that children assume, as defined by our culture, affect their play, from determining their interests to deciding how to play and how to make use of props (Meier & Henderson 2007). The data samples in this section suggest that the type of materials offered to children may provoke them to assume roles that are more or less stereotypical and could thereby influence their social interactions and learning. For instance, because baby dolls are socially constructed as feminine toys, they are less accessible for young boys.

With an understood purpose for caregiving role-play, young girls can feel comfortable behaving in line with their stereotypical gender role while playing with dolls. Boys, on the other hand, are perhaps implicitly excluded from using these toys, lest they should act outside of their traditional gender role. If they do use such materials, I have observed that their play usually deviates from the expected purpose. As a result, I find such gendered toys to be limiting for both young girls and boys. In contrast, materials that are less gendered and more open-ended-for example, natural materials such as sticks, pinecones, shells-encourage more creativity, stimulate imagination and allow for endless interpretations. Accordingly, open-ended materials are more likely to further children's cognitive, physical and artistic development (NAEYC, n.d.).

Children's desire and search for power

This second theme explores the human desire for control and power. I noticed that the children sought and expressed power, for example, using it to exclude or include others, to influence a situation in their favor, or to feel strong. As with the first theme, the key data samples occurred on different days. I chose examples that involved one child across two similar events: first in a position of subordination and then in a place of power. The first event took place at school and the second on a field trip.

Both events occurred during structured playtime and both observations involved a group of three children-two had already established their play when a third approached and tried to join in. As teacher researcher Chris Taaffee (2012) found, such triangulated situations often prove challenging for the third child. The excerpts from the two field notes (See "Field Notes, February 24, 2014" and "Field Notes, April 9, 2014") demonstrate complex desires for power and how children learn approaches for exercising control.

In the field notes from February 24, Violet used her knowledge of gender constructs and her understanding of her friend Cora's somewhat conforming gender expression to control the situation. Violet did not offer Cora any role, like a sister or mom role, other than a monster. She knew that playing the monster is a less conventional option for a girl, and thus, a choice that Cora would probably not accept. Cora seemed to be penalized here for acting within her predictable gender role, which I found thoughtprovoking, as acting within one's gender role is frequently considered desirable and conducive to acceptance. Yet in this case, Cora's preference to express female gender conventionally gave Violet an easy way to exclude Cora.

More than a month later, on April 9, I was fascinated to see Cora try a similar tactic with Lillian. This time, however, the interaction played out quite differently. Lillian readily seized the opportunity to become the monster, and I was pleased and surprised that Cora and Eddie were completely open to her involvement. While Violet's intentions in the first scenario seemed clear to me, I was uncertain about Cora's motivation. I had observed that unlike Cora, Lillian assumed nonconforming roles on a regular basis. If Cora really didn't want Lillian to join the pair, she would have had to make a different kind of proposal.

Both scenarios demonstrate the complexity of young children's interpersonal relationships within the sociocultural contexts influencing their lives. I and many other teachers have observed countless interactions involving a small group of children trying to protect their harmonious play from outsiders who could potentially disrupt the often fragile unity of young friendships (Neimark 2012; Taaffe 2012). I have witnessed children employ various strategies to exclude others and now realize how frequently they use their understanding of gender and culture to successfully block others from the play and determine who is permitted membership to the group (Brown & Jones 2001).

Like Cora, some children can be understood as behaving from within a dynamic process that includes learning from peers and the media, experimenting with ideas, and making sense of gender roles and relationships.

Expressions and behavior illustrating child's state of mind and development

I have noticed that around the age of 4, children can become resolute in their thinking and uncompromising on their theories about the world, as they try to organize experiences and concepts into neat, often dichotomous categories. The following data sample typifies the kind of shortsighted perspectives children might adopt. Left unchallenged, these early views may be reinforced and become more permanent convictions. (See "Field Notes, February 25, 2014.")

Addie has two younger brothers, one of whom is a very active 3-year-old and, according to Addie, "causes a lot of problems." I thus attributed Addie's concern mostly to her experiences at home. Still, I wondered about her belief that boys don't like her. Where did this conviction come from? Teddy quickly disavowed Addie's notion, and I noted how eager he was not to be implicated in an unfair assumption made about his gender.

In an effort to counter such gender stereotyping, my coteachers and I began implementing activities to acquaint children across genders, such as coed lunch seating arrangements and partnered projects. We also began performing childauthored plays in which crossgender roles were common (Paley [1984] 2014).

Discussion and implications

I began this study wondering how I might offer young children more opportunities to act outside of traditional gender roles. In the end, I realized that the children were working through complex ideas about the world. Our curriculum on fire and camping had encouraged some girls to step outside of gender roles, but it didn't have a widening effect on all children-no single approach would. My findings showed that we needed a broader approach to advance children's ideas about identity.

Accordingly, I selected the following strategies to modify my practice and undertake future teacher research:

nurture flexible thinking across all situations

find opportunities for children to step outside their comfort zones in regard to activities, peer relationships, and personal challenges

foster advocacy skills in oneself and others

If people have the capacity to consider unconventional ideas and bend their thinking, our interactions with one another might look very different and be healthier for individual identity development. Furthermore, I realized that exploring and understanding gender identity shouldn't be concentrated on the experiences of a select few, such as the girls who were so interested in the camping project. Rather, my goal should be to expand everyone's mind, thereby making more room for children to express themselves individually across the identity spectrum.

While this research provides insight into the processes of children's identity development, my findings are based upon one study I conducted independently over a spring semester. My feminist lens and personal perspectives influence all areas of my study-from gathering data to analyzing for interpretations, and deriving conclusions.

However, such subjectivity is inherent in teacher research and considered an advantage of the methodology, as it offers an honest insider's perspective of a practitioner in action (Meier & Henderson 2007).

Conclusion

According to Meier and Henderson (2007), "Since early childhood is the foundation for young children's views and experiences with getting along with one another, and with understanding and taking a stance toward the world of relationships, a focus in teacher research on social justice will deepen our character/social curriculum" (178). I began this research project to take action on a social justice issue, but, over the four months of this study, most of my work focused on first making sense of what I was seeing. I ended up generating more questions than answers. Yet, it was this process of questioning that helped me to deduce some useful ideas for how best to continue identity work with young children.

I hope this study encourages other early childhood teachers to question gender issues that they might have otherwise accepted at face value. Looking critically at gender can allow teachers to have broader perceptions and interpretations of daily classroom events, thereby allowing children more space as they develop their gender identities.

My data shows the complexity of this topic, including compounding factors, influences, and considerations. It also demonstrates how pervasive socialized ideas about gender roles and expression are in our lives. While my findings need to be considered within the study's limitations, I feel that I have successfully achieved a personal goal of sharing my feminist thinking with a larger audience within the field of early childhood education.

Accordingly, this study gives voice to an important issue, and its value lies in my efforts to question the world, ease rigid thinking, and counter oppressive constructs (Valente 2011). Hopefully my teacher research "charges and challenges us to renew our commitment to an active, inclusive feminist struggle" (hooks 1994, 74).

Field Notes: Gender Identity and Expression in the Early Childhood Classroom

Field Notes | February 12, 2014

While on a field trip, a co-ed group of children worked together gathering sticks to build a fire. Several of the girls led the effort, directing others to gather more grass, sticks, and small logs. Meanwhile, the group discussed their theories about stoking a fire. Several days later, I observed many of the same children using trowels to chip away at bark while trying to "make fire" in the school garden. Thus, I decided to offer the class different types of wood, child-safe saws, and sandpaper during small group time in the classroom and see who was interested. I stayed close by to ensure that the tools were used in a safe manner. Four children, Stella, Caitlyn, Anna, and Robby, joined the activity when I invited them over, and I was pleased to see the three girls in this group so enthusiastic to use the tools and experiment with the wood.

Photos capture the children's intensity and concentration and, thus, their interest in the activity. Stella and Caitlyn focused intently on the wood as they worked solidly for over 35 minutes and stopped only because they were asked to clean up for lunch. Before leaving the table, Stella exclaimed, "I've never done anything so serious!"

Field Notes | April 11, 2014

Robby (R), Peter (P) and Mason (M) gather around a small table in the dramatic play area, while I, teacher Jamie (J), watch. Mason watches with interest while Peter and Robby play with the two baby dolls, which they have brought over.

R: Rip the head off.
P: No-you do it.
J: Pause and think, you guys. [They all look up and over, now realizing that I'm watching.]
P: We're not actually strong enough. Shiiiiing! [P pokes a stick into the doll's eye.]
R: Watch this. [R bangs the plate on the baby and then proceeds to tape the baby to the plate. P follows his lead. The two boys fly the babies around the room, having connected them to the plastic plates, which seemed to serve as the dolls' wings.]

Field notes | April 11, 2014

Ella (E) leans in close to me (J), ostensibly wanting to chat, as she so often does. She shares the following idea with me, while I try my hardest to focus on the group of boys. After a couple of minutes, I realize how similarly meaningful Ella's monologue is to my study on gender.

E: I'm gonna be a mommy when I grow up.
J: Oh yeah? [I raise my eyebrows, hoping that my response won't provoke her too much, as I try to return my focus to the other children.]
E: I'm gonna have one baby, because it's hard to carry 120, 120, and 120 babies!
J: [I smile]

Field Notes | February 24, 2014

Ella and Violet, 4 and 5 years old, respectively, are playing house. It's clear that they want to maintain their harmonious two-person play, as Violet tells Cora, "I just want to play with Ella right now."

Usually, I would have respected the wish of two children to play alone, but because Violet and Ella spend the majority of their time playing together, without the inclusion of others, I decided to push and see if they could find a way to include Cora. "Can you think of a way for Cora to play?" I ask.

Violet offers, "She can be the monster."

Cora immediately rejects the offer; she wants to be the baby. But, according to Violet, there are no babies in this game and the only possible role is that of a monster. Cora resigns herself to finding a different playmate, and Violet and Ella continue their game, uninterrupted.

Field Notes | April 9, 2014

Cora and Eddie are playing together while on our field trip in a wooded park. They walk closely side-by-side, talking quietly, every so often looking behind. Lillian follows after them and no matter how many times they change course, she remains several feet behind them, yet not really making her intentions known. Finally Eddie bursts out, "You can't play!" and Cora adds, "Stop following us!"

I move closer, intending to ask Cora and Eddie to tell Lillian their feelings in a kinder way. As soon as Cora sees that I've noticed the conflict, she quickly offers Lillian an alternative: "You can be the monster."

Lillian smiles and begins contorting her face and body to assume the role. Cora adds, "And you can chase us!" Lillian shows them she's ready by creeping forward just as Cora and Eddie take off in the opposite direction, screaming happily!

Field Notes | February 25, 2014

Four-year-old Addie (A) approaches me (J) and shows me a jewel she is carrying in a special container. Her classmate Teddy (T) is playing nearby. I ask about it, and Addie explains why she is keeping her jewel in the container:

A: . . . the boys might break it. [A looks down at jewel while talking]
J: The boys might break it? What makes you think that?
A: Because boys don't like jewels. [A continues to look down; T looks up from work and toward A]
J: Is there a reason why you think boys don't like jewels?
A: Because they don't like me. [Looking down]
T: I like you. [Said seriously and honestly]

References

Brill, S., & R. Pepper. 2008. The Transgender Child: A Handbook for Families and Professionals. San Francisco, CA: Cleis Press.

Brown, T., & L. Jones. 2001. Action Research and Postmodernism: Congruence and Critique. Conducting Educational Research series. Philadelphia, FA: Open University Press.

Daitsman, J. 2011. "Exploring Gender Identity in Early Childhood Through Story Dictation and Dramatization." Voices of Practitioners 14. www.naeyc.org/files/naeyc/file/Publications/VOP_Daitsman_Final.pdf.

Forman, G., & B. Fyfe. 2012. "Negotiated Learning Through Design, Documentation, and Discourse." Chap. 14 in The Hundred Languages of Children: The Reggio Emilia Experience in Transformation, 3rd ed., eds. C. Edwards, L.Gandini, & G. Forman, 247-71. Santa Barbara, CA: Praeger.

hooks, b. 1994. Teaching to Transgress: Education as the Practice of Freedom. New York: Routledge.

Liang, Y. 2015. "A Journey of Journals: Promoting Child-Centered Second Language Acquisition in Preschool." Voices of Practitioners 10 (2): 45-58. www.naeyc.org/files/naeyc/file/vop/VOP_Summer_2015_joumal.pdf.

Meier, D.R, &B. Henderson. 2007- Learning From Young Children in the Classroom: The Art and Science of Teacher Research. New York: Teachers College Press.

NAEYC (National Association for the Education of Young Children). N.d. "What the Research Says: Gender Typed Toys." www.naeyc.org/content/what-research-says-gender-typed-toys.

Neimark, A 2012. "'Do You Want to See Something Goofy?' Peer Culture in the Preschool Yard." In Our Inquiry, Our Practice: Undertaking, Supporting, and Learning From Early Childhood Teacher Research(ers), eds. G. Perry, B. Henderson, & D.R. Meier, 53-64. Washington, DC: National Association for the Education of Young Children. www.naeyc.org/files/naeyc/file/vop/Voices_NeimarkGoofy.pdf.

Ortiz, A, D. Ferrell, J. Anderson, L. Cain, N. Fluty, S. Sturzenbecker, & T. Matlock. 2014. "Teacher Research on Boys' Literacy in One Elementary School." Voices of Practitioners 9 (1):1-19. www.naeyc.org/files/naeyc/file/images jvoices/9_ortiz%20v9-1.

Paley, V.G. 2014. Boys and Girls: Superheroes in the Doll Comer. Chicago: University of Chicago Press.

Ramsey, P.G. 2004. Teaching and Learning in a Diverse World. 3rd ed. New York: Teachers College Press.

Rogoff, B. 2003. The Cultural Nature of Human Development. New York: Oxford University Press.

Taaffe, C. 2012. "Two's Company, Three's a Crowd: Peer Interactions in a Preschool Social Triangle." Chap. 3 in Our Inquiry, Our Practice: Undertaking, Supporting and Learning From Early Childhood Teacher Research(ers), eds. G. Perry, B. Henderson, & D.R. Meier, 21-35. Washington, DC: National Association for the Education of Young Children.

Valente, J. M. 2011. D/ Deaf and d/ Dumb: A Portrait of a Deaf Kid as a Young Superhero. Disability Studies in Education series. New York: Peter Lang.

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Gender Identity and Expression in the Early Childhood Classroom: Influences on Development Within Sociocultural Contexts (Voices)

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Thoughts on the Article | Barbara Henderson, Voices coeditor Gender is an element of identity that young children are working hard to understand. It is also a topic that early childhood teachers are not always sure how best to address.

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This is a resource in that is very well know to help families from birth to three years old in the community. “Feeling good about themselves and feeling capable (“I can do it!”) are two very important ingredients for babies’ developing self-confidence. The things you do to help your baby feel safe and loved also make her feel good about herself. This includes responding sensitively to her needs and showering her with love and affection. This lets your baby know she is special and valued and builds her self-confidence.” Here were some tips the site suggested that parents can do at home to help support their children.

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Confident babies are free to explore and learn because they know that a loved one will always be there for them. When they crawl away to check something out, you will wait for them and be a safe "home base" in case they need you. And when your baby sees your delight when she makes a new discovery-like finding the ball that rolled behind the chair-it makes her want to explore more and more.

Being confident also makes it easier for babies to move into group situations such as child care and school later on. They carry that sense of security you have given them wherever they go, even when you are not together.

Nurture a sense of safety and security

You help your baby feel safe and secure when you respond to her cries and other communications-for example, picking her up when she needs comfort or getting the toy she is pointing to off the shelf-and by showing her lots of love and affection. It is this loving bond between you and your baby that makes her feel safe enough to move away from you (little by little) to explore. She has learned to trust that you will always be there for her. This trust gives her confidence.

Think about a baby who sees an interesting object across the room. He feels safe to crawl off mom's lap to check it out if he knows that she will still be there for him if he needs help or gets scared. After he crawls away, he may look back at his mom as if to say, Are you still there? Are you watching me? Then, when he reaches the toy, he presses a button on it which makes a loud noise. This sound startles the baby who quickly scoots back to his mother for comfort and reassurance. She is there for him and gives him the support he is looking for. Then she encourages him to head out again on a new adventure.
What you can do:

Be a safe "home base" for your baby. When she goes off to explore, be there to give her a big hug and to offer the encouragement she needs to explore some more.

Respond to your baby's signals for love and comfort. This builds her trust in you. Babies who trust their caregivers feel safe to venture out and learn from the people and world around them.

Help your baby feel good about herself and her abilities

Feeling good about themselves and feeling capable ("I can do it!") are two very important ingredients for babies' developing self-confidence.

The things you do to help your baby feel safe and loved also make her feel good about herself. This includes responding sensitively to her needs and showering her with love and affection. This lets your baby know she is special and valued and builds her self-confidence.

Babies learn "I can do it!" when they succeed at a task or develop a new skill. Picture the joy on a baby's face when she pushes the correct button to get the bear to pop-up. Imagine that smile getting even bigger when Mom or Dad notices and tells her what a good job she did figuring out this problem. Babies develop a positive sense of self-esteem and self-confidence through the play and interactions they have with the adults in their lives. Their parents and loved ones reflect back to them messages like: You're clever. You're good at figuring things out. You're loved. You make me laugh. I enjoy being with you. These messages shape a baby's developing sense of self.
What you can do:

Show your baby how much you adore her. Give her lots of smiles, hugs and kisses.

Delight in your baby's discoveries. You found Mommy! You pulled away the scarf hiding my face and here I am!

Help your baby become a good problem-solver

You can nurture your child's self-confidence by providing him the support he needs to accomplish a task, rather than simply doing it for him. So hold back from jumping in right away when your baby is facing a problem-like trying to fit a block into the opening of a container. (You know-no pain, no gain.)
What You Can Do:

Provide hands-on support to help your child complete a task, like pushing the round block into the round hole or supporting him as he pulls up to a standing position.

Provide activity-based support by introducing activities that challenge your baby "just enough." This means the task is hard enough to be interesting but within her ability to master it. For example, imagine that your baby has figured out how to push all the buttons on her toy to get the animal figures to pop up. Next, offer her a toy that has different devices to make the animals appear.

Provide emotional support by using words and facial expressions to encourage your baby as he is working on a task. You are working so hard to get the top off that box! This also means sharing in his joy when he succeeds.

Be a role model

Your reactions matter. Children learn by watching and imitating the important people in their lives-first and foremost you. When you go with your child into a new situation or to meet a new person, he watches to see your reaction. If you look calm, confident, and happy, it lets him know this is safe, good place or person and he is more likely to feel safe and confident as well.

Think about separations from your child. He is more likely to feel safe and adjust to being away from you if you give him a warm hug and kiss and tell him in an upbeat tone of voice that he is going to have a great day. Imagine how different he may feel if you show that you are worried and upset while saying good-bye to him. Babies are quite skilled at interpreting our facial expression, tone of voice, and even the level of tension in our body as we hold them.

Another way to model confidence is when you face a challenging situation-like having trouble putting together one of your child's new toys. When your child sees you stay calm and not give up, it shows him how he, too, can handle challenges he faces.
What you can do:
Establish routines with your baby

Knowing what to expect helps young children feel safe, confident, and in control of their world. So it is useful when their daily routines happen in the same way at the same time each day-as much as possible. For example, after bath comes story-time, then a lullaby, and then bedtime. When children understand the sequence of events, they can prepare for these changes. And when they don't have to worry about what will happen next, they can focus on the important work of childhood playing, learning, and connecting with you.
What you can do:

Plan for times when your baby's routines will be "off." There are always going to be times when your baby's routine doesn't go as planned, like during trips to the grandparents' house. Plan ahead for these times. If you can help your baby experience some sameness or consistency, it will make routines like mealtimes and bedtimes go easier. For example, you can bring a familiar bib, spoon, and bowl for eating, and a favorite stuffed animal, book, and crib sheet for bedtime.

Accept that there are some transitions that may be particularly tough for your baby. You can do everything right-have a loving routine set up and stick to it consistently-but your baby still protests. Bedtime is often one of these times. The night-time separation-saying good-bye to a loved one for a long period of time-can be hard for very young children. Be sure to say good-night in a positive, upbeat way (remember your child is looking to see how to feel and react). It can also help if your child has a "lovey" that is a substitute for you and is a source of soothing for your child. Hang in there, it will get easier. For all of you. (For more information about sleep in the early years, visit our Sleep section.)

Be flexible. Even though routines are important, don't be a slave to them. If there is a beautiful sunset one summer evening, go ahead and take your baby out for a walk even if it's right before bed. These out-of-the-ordinary "treats" (for you and your child) are what memories are made of.

Let your child do things over and over

Children need lots of practice doing things over and over again to master a new skill. Think of the pride a baby shows when she can finally grasp the rattle and put it into her mouth by herself. It is through practice that babies succeed. One of the ways that babies develop a sense of self-worth and self-confidence is by overcoming a challenge.
What you can do:

Be patient. While repetition can be boring for adults, it is fascinating and critical for babies. Babies can be quite satisfied looking at the same mobile or mouthing the same rattle for a period of time. So it's important to remember to follow your baby's lead and wait until she lets you know she is ready for something new. (She may drop the toy, look or move away from the object, make frustrated sounds, etc.)

Help your baby explore his interests in new ways. Is your baby thrilled by opening and closing kitchen drawers? Then give him other objects that provide a similar experience: show him a cardboard box with a top that comes off and on, a blanket draped over a bowl that he can lift and discover what's underneath. As your baby uses his skills to explore in new ways, he learns more about how things work.

What You Can Do

Help your child develop self-awareness

Point out the result of her actions. You put the toys away. That makes Mommy happy. Now we have time to read another book before bed.

Help your child understand who she is as she grows

Trying new things can feel scary to you. You need time to feel comfortable. Or, You have such strong feelings! Sometimes it's hard to keep them in control. This kind of self-awareness helps children use what they know about themselves to manage successfully in the world.

Support your child by using language
Are you looking for a big puzzle piece or a little piece? What about trying another space?
Offer direction

Such as taking a puzzle piece and turning it so that it is easier to see where it might fit.

Point out positive steps taken

Such as noticing when your child tries a piece in a different space (even if it doesn't fit).

Recognize progress

By helping the toddler see how she has gotten closer to finishing the puzzle: Look, you just got one more piece in. Now you only have two more pieces to fit in their spaces and the puzzle will be done!

Focus on the process more than the outcome.

For example, point out how hard he worked to make his block tower taller.

Make a photo album that shows your child's progress

For example, take photos of a small block tower he has made and then another photo of the skyscraper he eventually created.

Devise steps based on your understanding of what is challenging for your child

For example, if your child is afraid to go down the slide, you could slide down yourself to show him it's safe, or have him slide a favorite stuffed animal or doll down first. Then offer to stand behind him as he practices climbing the slide's steps. Then see if he'll go down on your lap, and then perhaps alone while holding your hand. Throughout, let him know you believe in him. Also, make it clear that it is okay if he's not ready to go down on his own yet. You are there to support him whenever he wants to try again.

Show understanding and empathy when your child is struggling with a challenge

You tried to pour your own juice. Good for you. Some juice is in the cup. Some spilled. That happens when you're learning to pour by yourself. Let's wipe it up with this sponge. This lets children know it's okay not to be perfect and helps them develop important coping strategies when things don't go as planned.

Model persistence

When you model persistence and confidence in yourself, your child will learn this too. This jar just won't open! It is sooo frustrating! What else can Mommy try? I know, how about I run it under some hot water? I heard that can help. Then, when you are successful: Yea for Mommy! I didn't give up. I did it! This shows your child how to persist and cope with challenging situations.

Model confidence in new situations

When you go with your child into a new situation or to meet a new person, if you look calm, confident and happy, it lets him know this is safe, good place or person and he is more likely to feel safe and confident as well.

Parent-Child Activities That Promote Self-Confidence

Let your toddler do it "By myself!"

Give your toddler the opportunity to practice "big kid" skills like choosing his own snack (from a selection of healthy options), washing his face or body in the bath (with close supervision), or brushing his teeth (of course, you get a turn, too).

Follow your child's lead

When you take a walk with your toddler, you may want to show him the neat bug crawling along the sidewalk. But your toddler may be more fascinated with the garbage truck. When you follow your child's lead and let him follow his interests, he feels supported, loved, and important, you build his confidence and self-esteem.

Let your child be a family helper

Give your child tasks that match his age and skills. After you slice the strawberries, ask him to put them into the oatmeal bowl. When he drops his elbow macaroni on the floor, ask him to help you pick them up. Have him help you put napkins and spoons on the table while you set down the forks and knives. Helping out makes children feel good about themselves and builds their confidence.

Frequently Asked Questions

My 1-year-old lets other kids take toys from him without protesting at all. Does this mean he is too passive or submissive? If so, what should I do about it?

It is hard to know exactly what this means for your son now and for the long run. By nature, he may be a laid-back kid and simply may not mind when other children "share" his toy. This doesn't mean that he won't become more assertive as he grows and matures. You will likely see him becoming at least a little more possessive as he enters the toddler years and begins to understand the idea of "mine!"

If you are concerned that his lack of assertiveness reflects a lack of confidence, look for ways to be his coach. When you see he wants something, encourage him to go for it. For example, if he is waiting patiently for a turn on the slide but is letting kids cut him, stand beside him and say, "Do you want a turn? Go ahead," while guiding him to the stairs. When a child takes his toy, you might say, "Oh no! Jim took the train. But it was your turn to play with it. Let's go ask for it back." The idea is to guide him and give him the words so that eventually he can take action himself.

It's important to find that balance between being a coach (which helps your child feel more capable and confident) and fighting your child's battles for him, which leads to less self-confidence, not more. But with your encouragement, he will begin to gain the skills and strategies he needs to stand up for himself.

My 9-month old and I are in a mommy and me music class, but she's scared to participate. However, by the end of class, she does start to get involved. Should we keep going?

Stick with it. What you describe is quite common. While some children naturally go-with-the-flow and jump right into new situations, others are slower to warm up. They tend to be more comfortable with one-on-one play and can feel easily overwhelmed in a group. Another factor may be sensitivity to sounds. Your daughter may love hearing music at home, but in a class, the noise and movement of the other children may at first be too much for her.

The good news is that kids are very adaptable. It sounds like, while this experience may be challenging for your daughter, she is able to cope with her fears when given some time. Staying in the class is an opportunity for your daughter to learn how to feel safe in new situations and to find pleasure in new relationships and experiences.
Here are some things you can do to help her along:

If possible, arrive at the music class early to give your child a chance to explore the environment without others around.

Play with musical instruments at home and gradually add different sounds.

Find ways for your daughter to spend time with children around her age so she can get used to being and getting along with others.

Give her other opportunities to feel comfortable in social gatherings by attending other organized activities like play groups or story time at the library.

When in new or group situations, follow your child's lead. If she clings to you, help her explore from the safety of your arms or lap. If she needs a break, take a stroll around the room or go to a quiet area. If you give her the time and support she needs, she will soon feel safer to join the fun.

I have a 12-month-old. Whenever he falls down or starts to cry because he wants to be picked up, my husband won't pick him up or comfort him because he says it will make him a "mama's boy." I disagree. As a result, our son prefers being with me (which seems to support my husband's hypothesis!). Is it true that answering my son's cries quickly or comforting him when he falls will make him "soft"?

You raise two important issues: how to respond to a toddler who is upset and establishing a way for you and your husband to effectively communicate and resolve child-rearing challenges when you have different ideas about them.

The first issue to think about is this idea of raising a child to be "soft." I am assuming that for your husband, his concern is that comforting your son will not make him independent and able to handle challenges-that he will always look for and expect someone else to help him when is upset. Your husband is not alone in his beliefs. Many dads, and moms too, share this concern. These ideas often come from the messages parents received from their families as they were growing up. And of course, many come from a person's ideas about gender-that for a boy to be "tough," he shouldn't cry or need help when upset.

I am also assuming your worry is that by not comforting him, your son may feel insecure and less trusting of you, which in the end may be what actually makes him "soft."

What tends to happen in situations in which parents disagree is that they get polarized. Both argue their points and the more they defend their position, the more extreme a stance each needs to take in order to make their point.

A much more useful approach is for each partner to start by looking at the big picture. You both want your son to grow up healthy and strong. You both have his best interest at heart. Neither of you want to harm him. You simply have different ideas about what is going to help him reach this goal.

Next, each of you clearly articulates what you think and feel about the situation and why, while the other listens without interrupting. As you listen to each other, think about what your partner is saying that makes sense to you and validate that. In this case, you might validate not your husband's behavior, but his underlying intention-to help make your son a competent, independent person. It would also be helpful to point out some things your husband does with your son that help him thrive. Having been heard, and also complimented, your husband is much more likely to be open to hearing your thoughts and feelings.

Children are not born with the skill of managing their own strong emotions. In fact, young children ultimately learn to comfort and soothe themselves by having the adults closest to them comfort and soothe them. When parents and caregivers help children calm down when they are sad, scared, angry, or overwhelmed, children are better able to manage their own feelings as they grow.

The response that would most benefit your son actually takes into account both your and your husband's beliefs and values about child rearing. Here's how it might look in "real-life." Your son falls down as he is playing a chasing game with you. He starts to cry.

1. You or your husband say something like, "Uh oh! You fell down." (Use a loving, but matter-of-fact voice, not one that is overly concerned or panicky because kids pick up on their parents' cues about how to feel or react to any given situation.)

2. Provide some physical comfort, a hug, or a gentle stroke to the affected area of his body.

3. Encourage him to play again, letting him know you think he can do it.

By combining your approaches, you and your husband can team up in this extreme sport we call parenting.

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Developing Self-Confidence From Birth to 12 Months

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Children need to feel safe and secure to develop self-confidence. When you comfort your baby, respond to his cries and needs, talk and play with him, he knows that he is loved and important. Learn how else you can help your baby develop self-confidence.