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Quite believable except the part where he has a concussion due to severe blood loss as concussion is caused by impact and not blood loss.

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I think the vocabulary in your story is good! However, I think you can add more juicy baits or a plot twist to engage the reader better. Also, you used the phrase ‘tall tale’ in the beginning, but tall tale means that the character told the people a story with unbelievable elements. Why would the character do that? And wouldn’t the character be too anxious to talk? I think you can use more good phrases and describe the character’s feelings instead since you have pretty good phrases. Other than those, I think you are off to a good start for your continuation for your story!

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Janya and Zainab to Drishyaa and Desiree 

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Janya and Zainab to Drishyaa and Desiree 

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Your continuation does not exactly follow the storyline of the example. However , it is believable as it has happened many times before in Singapore. The portrayal of the characters behaviour seems as if it is not related but it was .

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Very believable story, as it is very common for the MC to feel sad and very anxious after an incident like that. We were very interested in the small girl and felt that she was so, um, cute? We also felt

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-Believable?Why?
Yes. Depression can cause self harm and even suicide however in the beginning of the story, the MC had been in the train and in your continuation the MC had already seen her brother other than that your story is quite clear.
-How did the author sustain your interest?
You described your feelings very clearly and

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All of a sudden, a soft voice caught my attention. Turning around, I spotted an inquisitive, small girl tugging at her mother's dress. " Mummy, why is this girl pushing her way onto the train? Hadn't you told me that pushing people and not waiting for your turn is bad manners?"  I heard the little girl ask her mother. The girl's mother shook her head and waved her hand dismissively at her daughter. Seeing me stare at her, the woman smiled sheepishly and hurried her daughter off. I jumped with a start when I felt my phone vibrate in my sweaty palms. Seeing the caller id as "Mom", I crossed my fingers praying for good news from my distressed mother.

My prayers were answered.

"Lucy, where are you now?" my mother asked me.
" How is Oliver? Is he better? What was the doctor's report?" The stressed-out me bombarded my mother with infinite questions, instead of answering her one question. " Chill, girl! Your brother is doing fine. He suffered a minor head injury and many scratches. Do you want to talk to him?" my mother replied, laughing at how worried I sounded.

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"According to the doctor, he is now suffering from a concussion due to severe blood loss."

I knew that my brother had been depressed for a long time, but I did not knew the cause of it. He was always sociable and I was struck with disbelief when I saw him harming himself. Seeing the injuries on his arm felt like a knife piercing through my heart. I knew I had not been a good sister as I was not able to prevent this outcome from happening. The guilt would always haunt me like a nightmare and eat me alive.

I sat beside my unconscious brother with tears rolling down my cheeks like rain, the cloud of depression that was once above my brother was now above me. Suddenly a piercing scream could be heard.

" No! No! No! Don't!"

My brother'still eyes that were now open was filled with fear. Calming down, he told me about the nightmare that was his life.

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The other commuters heard the loud mummuring from the corner of the  carriage where I sat and gathered around me to hear my tall tale. "poor thing, is he alright?" I heard one person say.
After a while, I could see the faint silhouette of the Singapore General Hospital from the window behind me. I could not help but recall what my mother had said.
"Your brother is in the emergency ward.Try not to make a scene."
As soon as the train doors opened, I raced out of the carriage, barely noticing the well wishes from the other commuters far behind me.
I practically flew to the emergency ward, blinking back tears.
Mother was sitting on the bench outside the ward, her eyes red and puffy from crying. I comforted her,  telling her that he would be alright, although I felt strongly otherwise

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" Car crash... pool of blood...rushed to the hospital... ICU..."
The crowd parted, giving me a snake like path towards the exit as soon as it was my stop. I dashed out of the train merely thanking the people who made way for me.
Shuffling into the ward, a million thoughts rushed through my mind- Was he alive ? Where were mom and dad?How did this happen?I gaped in horror as i saw the bloodied mess on the gaudy,linoleam floor. I clapped my hands over my eyes as i did not want to see the morbid scene but I was curious.
Curiosity  killed the cat.
I reluctantly separated my trembling hands only to reveal the now unrecogniseable face of my beloved brother. I struggled to hold back tears as I stared into his lifeless blue eyes .His usually immaculate hair was now dishevelled and his skin was pale and bloody
Just then Mum and Dad, followed by the doctor, rushed through the doors  with only one question on their mind-Is he alive? they stuttered to ask questions to the panic-stricken doctor. Just then , he opened his eyes fully and gave us his tired but usual  grin. "Thank goodness you're here.."He muttered

Hearing this we all slumped back in relief.He was alive.

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It was a typical Tuesday afternoon .Students were walking in and out of the school.I was slumped on my chair listening to Mrs Tan's boring "lecture".I glanced at the clock, which was slowly ticking by. Tick. Tock. Tick Tock. Those were the only sounds that I was paying attention to. When I realised there was only minute left till 'jailbreak' time, my eyes perked up with joy.
Problem starting:
As i dashed towards my brother, who was waiting outside the school gate,we strolled to the pedestrian crossing,hoping to cross and catch the bus.Being the playful and mischievous boy he was,my brother ran ahead not realising that a grave and deadly incident would await him..
Accident:
"James, stop right there! Don't dash across the road--", I screamed at the top of my lungs.However,by the time those worss were heard,it was too late.A speeding red car dashed like a lightning bolt across the road,knocking James out of his consciousness."James!!",I yelled my heart pounding in my chest with shock and fear.It was no use.The damage had been done..

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"Excuse me! Excuse me! Family emergency! I squealed awkwardly as I threw myself against the full train carriage in a selfish attempt to create that little bit of standing space for myself, steeling myself against dirty looks thrown my way by irate commuters who bore the brunt of my body weight hurled against them.

"Excuse me! Brother dying... in the hospital... accident..." I panted breathlessly, hoping for some sympathetic display of camaraderie from my fellow commuters.

It worked.

More space was created by empathetic commuters and one even asked me what had happened. While relating the incident with whatever sparse details I could remember of that fuzzy conversation a short while ago with Mother, I ended up peppering the story with an exaggerated hyperbole of crashes and muted imagination of bloody scenes and details re-enacted and re-created only in my mind.

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Is he even alive?Am I too late? What if...TOUCH WOOD! My thoughts wrestled each other. I tried to be optimistic. Praying that it was just a misunderstanding or miscommunication. He can,t be dead.

My eyes widened when I was greeted by a trail of blood. I felt sick.Hey, maybe it is not my brother's blood? I tried to assure myself. Crash! "I'm so so...AH! GHOST!" A yell escaped from my lips causing everyone to turn to my direction. What was my brother doing? Wasn't he in critical condition. Not that I wanted him to...To top it off, he was perfectly normal except for a small bruise. What? How was that possible? Was he Harry Houdini in disguise?
"How are you.. but Mum said... What?" I stuttered, utterly confused.It was quite obvious that he too was puzzled. His normally down-to-earth sister became some lunatic who was making a scene in the hospital. "I'm glad that you are okay..." I muttered.