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Hedy Yohana Quintero-Case 1) I have a serious crush on my teacher – should I tell her?

I’m a 16-year-old student harbouring ardent feelings for a teacher. She’s an absolutely wonderful (in my view, angelic) human being, who seems utterly devoted to what she does and is terribly cordial to us students. It is out of awe for her personality, and gratitude for how she’s made a mark in my life, that I feel so attached to her. She’s in her late 20s, I suppose, but I feel she could be 18. My feelings are not sexual, but my social circles make barely any room for this possibility. I can find little solace in my friends for fear that they’d mock me because she’s not considered a looker. I feel an urge to tell her how amazing and adored she is, but fear she’ll be threatened or affronted, or that she’ll feel pained for me and not know how to respond.

Greetings!!

The advices that I can give you according to your situation is that you shouldn’t be afraid about your admiration feelings of her, so it is normal, you must express your emotions and let them go out, on the contrary way you could be affect for many time and be frustrated for that. You might look for a comfortable way to say to her your emotions and explaining your feelings, if she is someone with all the virtues that you mentioned, she would comprehend that it is something normal, above all for your age, is something that could happens to whatever teenager, especially if the teacher is young and sweet. So left behind your fears and be brave. You have to learn how to encourage this kind of situations, you must be conscious that the life demands people who could fight day by day against fears, people who doesn’t hesitate counting with self confidence, people who before guessing, go out the doubts with dialogue as a support. So I invite you that to be brave, you must to tell her all your feelings.

Blessings!!

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JEIMI ALEJANDRA VARGAS CAMPOS -4. My family is great, but I feel as though I have no real friends.

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JEIMI ALEJANDRA VARGAS CAMPOS -4. My family is great, but I feel as though I have no real friends.

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Good Morning

PROBLEM

Q: I am 38, happily married with two children and have a job I enjoy. However I have found myself plagued by anxiety about friendships and feelings of loneliness. Since having children I seem to have been on a roller-coaster of friendships. As our lives have evolved, people have drifted away. I now feel I am left with acquaintances (mainly school mums) rather than actual friends. I find WhatsApp groups stressful and can’t go on Facebook, as I feel jealous when I see events where I haven’t been included. Some of my pre-children friends remain, but busy lives and distance mean I only see them a couple of times a year. I’ve given up on phone calls, as people only seem to want to text! I just don’t know how I can get out of this spiralling anxious mindset. Will it improve when my children are older, or without play dates will my social life dry up altogether?

POSSIBLE SOLUTION

I think the solution is a problem only for children and age has no impediments to socializing and sharing with your friends and the people around you. You must find a way to distribute your time in such a way that you do not leave your responsibilities as father and husband aside or your social life. I advise you to start participating in social and cultural activities. Maintain a social circle of friendships of your work, friends of childhood or around you, Cultivate and develop that set of friendships with those characteristics, interests, hobbies or professional activity; Enjoy the visit of friends, receiving them at home or visiting you. Do not lock yourself up like a hermit. Share your home with your friends; Be with people, respect them, do not judge them, treat them with kindness and sympathy, just as you like to be treated by you,
In the same way you could approach God, he is our most sincere friend and I know that he will give you an answer in your heart to this problem that you are presenting; and never forget Ten good sense of humor and share joy to others

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Pedro Julián Urrego- Case 3: My daughter is dating a man more than twice her age

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Pedro Julián Urrego- Case 3: My daughter is dating a man more than twice her age

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Good morning:

First of all, my dear desperate father, I would tell you some aspects you must take into account:

Generally the parents’ divorce causes emotional damages on children, your daughter could have a trauma since you and your wife split up when she was 7. It may be the reason why she shows her internal frustration being rebellious against her parents, especially against her mother because she might blame on her the fact that she lost her father so early.
On the other hand as she did not have you close to her, the lack of her father and your regularly visits are not enough to fill the emptiness you left in her heart. There are plenty of emotions about to explode. She could be looking for a father to protect her. Very deep inside her heart, she is looking for the image of a father on this new relationship with this man so old. She can see on him the father who was not near her when she was a girl.

As you must know, these are the results and consequences of the adult’s mistakes which are not so easy to handle.

Anyway, I am here to try to help you; therefore, I am going to give you some advices:
-As she wants you to meet her 48 year old boyfriend, I would suggest you to accept a meeting. Control your angriness and all what you are feeling before being introduced to this man, although it is hard, please try.

-After meeting this man you can get an appointment with him to talk about your daughter so you can tell him directly all the reasons why you do not agree with this relationship.

Talk to her, only you and your daughter, and give her the following reasons:
-She should be with a boyfriend of her age so they can share similar activities.

-She could cause damage to other innocent people since this man is still married and he is going to leave his family.

-If he is leaving his family for her, he is being irresponsible with his family and he can do the same with her too.

-Her boyfriend will have to share money and time with his family so he will not be for her only.

-She shall have to receive his children in her house every time they want to be with their father so she won’t have privacy.

-He is older and she can get tired and bored of doing things for adult people.

-One day she can feel unsatisfied sexually because of the age difference.

-She can even be ashamed in front of her friends and relatives since people can think her boyfriend is her grandfather.

If after talking to her explaining all those above mentioned aspects she insists on this relationship, try not to oblige her. You cannot impose her to leave this man. The idea is to let her do it on her own.

Finally, you must ask her for forgiveness for all the mistakes you made including her mother’s. You must not get angry and you ought to try to change your feelings. You have to tell her that you love her a lot and that nobody is perfect, many people make mistakes and tell her you do not want her to make this mistake because life is only one and you want her to be happy. Explain to her that her mother’s mistake did you harm and that you as her father does not want to be hurt again because of this relationship.

Be patient, calm down, and trust God.

Cordially,
Agony aunt.

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Carolina Gar- Case 5: I left my home for freedom in Europe but I'm terribly lonely

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Carolina Gar- Case 5: I left my home for freedom in Europe but I'm terribly lonely

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Hello partner :

I think that the decisions taken at a time in life could be definitive and perhaps for a long time. Before you left home, could you talk to your friend and family? When we take distance from the family, the absence is much more difficult than one couldhave imagined.
Family is the essence of our growth. I could say that is where the main values, culture formation and even personality are built. This would be subject to the context and cultures in which it is immersed.

However, during life decisions have been made that could be detrimental to the same over the years; But it is said that when decisions are made such as the transfer of city or country as it was your decision, after doing higher studies the decisions would be wiser and the changes would not affect so much. In your case perhaps culture is what stops a little socialization with others. It is necessary to think and to evaluate what has been done well and what is not.
Some possible solutions would be to take elective courses or classes that allow socialization and interaction with others:

I would look in social networks groups of people who are from my own culture or others who are dedicated to doing activities in different days to integrate with others.

It would establish schedules where you can attend recreational groups that also allow you to find other sources of employment.

I would think about what I really want for my life and how to establish myself where I find myself so that I can grow in all aspects of life.

It would make a balance between what would happen if it went back to Iran and what it could achieve if it stayed in Germany.

I hope you serve my solution.

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Laura Brand- Case 2: My father is a womaniser. I'm terrified I'll become one, too

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Laura Brand- Case 2: My father is a womaniser. I'm terrified I'll become one, too

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Dear little boy:
Before anything else, let me congratulate you for writing to Agony Aunt! For me, it is a pleasure to help you with your problem. You will see that asking me for advice is the first thing that you should do to overcome your situation. In fact, you couldn’t do anything better than write to me. Next, I’m going to tell you what you can do for letting this agony situation behind. Would you like to start with the advice?

First of all, let me tell you that you shouldn’t think that you are going to become into a womanizer just because your ancestors were womanizers in the past. Actually, behaviors are not inherited but they must be learned in the first place. Moreover, the fact that every man in your family has betrayed his wives and girlfriends confidence doesn’t mean that you have to do the same, but you could see this as an opportunity to make things different. Even your father may talk improperly about women, but you ought not to think the same; In fact, you must avoid that kind of thinking! Also, don’t blame your family for thinking that you can’t fight against this, they might have given up all hope of family’s men. As I’ve suggested you before, you should see their point of view as an opportunity to demonstrate them that you certainly canbehave as a good man with the person you love. You mustn’t stop struggling since it is a constant fight to do what is right. If you would change your mind in this first aspect, you will see the things different, not with fear but with hope.

Now, let’s talk about love. Someone would think that you are already pretty young and you have a lot of new things to learn about, but you are perfectly capable to love a woman. It’s just that you should wait for the right person while you have time to prepare yourself by developing your personality and, even more important, your spirituality;You won’t realize how the time goes on. So before you’re ready to focus on one particular person, you need to take time to study a very important aspect: how to build friendships. Later, when you meet the right person, you may be in a better position to build a solid relationship. After all, a good marriage is the union of two good friends.

Another quite important aspect to bear in mind is that you shouldn’t let the culture, movies or books to build your romantic concept, but you ought to follow a good role model instead. In the Bible you could find a lot of outstanding examples of men with excellent ways of living. You can find in it, men that had good marriages and great romantic stories. May you look for these examples? This might give you a new concept about true love. If you try some of these advices, you would feel better with yourself, with your family, and with women.

I hope this letter can help you

Best regards, Agony Aunt

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