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just because you don't feel emotion doesn't mean you are hurt. it could mean you are just so empty you don't feel anything.

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Some of the most hurt I have been is when I simply wasn't, but should have been. When we had recieved the news of my grandfather's passing, I was, in all honesty, completely emotionless to the fact. It had never struck me to that moment that I did not really know him enough to care. That, was enough to make me hurt. I felt truly empty inside. I doubted there was ever a stage of grief in which one feels no emotion, and completely indifferent to the loss I was just given. logistically speaking, my grandfather, who lived in another country, had no large affect on me simply because I did know him or need him. and logistically speaking, when my family and I would return to america, life would continue as planned, and nothing would really change. what hurt more than the loss was the lack of emotion, and the lack of love.

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The time we visited Jordan was, unlike the other trips not happy. Infact, it was rather dreaded, simply because the reason we were going was not because of celebration of marriage or just to visit family. It was to visit family, one last time. My grandpa had lung cancer, which had metastasized to 18 different parts of his body. It was caused because of his smoking addiction. It is the absolute norm in my home country to smoke. cigarets, hookahs, even cigars were common place in the middle east. my grandpa had began smoking since he was 13, and smoked almost a pack a day till his 60's when he smoked up to 3 packs a day.

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something that is not fully understood about emotionlessness is that there is a difference between not caring and emotionlessness. just because I do not feel sad, does not mean I dont care. sometimes people just dont feel emotion because they use it as a defense mechanism, or just because of significant trauma, it doesn't mean they are unfeeling psychopaths.