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Ephemeral Warmth

I was condemned to this life of monotony.

Rotting in mold thriving in the paucity of movement, my heart grew numb. Willow trees cast suffocating shadows, reflections of my dissonant feelings of guilt. Bedeviled by the stench of my own demise, meeting you was a breath of summer air.

“What must stop me from thinking of you night and day?”

I hold my reservations in fear of losing you to death and fate. Vines crept to seek any warmth in my heart, none for that matter.

Beauty and terror thrived where love cannot, although in its absence, our friendship blossomed.

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Comments and 5 questions

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1. Is there a backstory as to why there is a feeling of guilt?
2. Is there trauma or near-death experience behind the words "stench of my own demise"?
3. What is the history of the characters - how are they acquainted?
4. Is there a third-person or ulterior reason causing the barrier between the characters?
5. Does the character being referred to in the story have a pre-determined fate or are they in a situation of mortality?

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Solitary

Consequential spears penetrate two lovers. The acquiescent amulet unleashed its entity.

Their child gazed at the mirage across the divide.

It inexorably dissipated.

“Who are you to deny me?” it roars.

A wyvern.

He is hunted by a clan, by his lover’s father in vengeful grimace.

An illness cursed the chief’s firstborn as the wyvern embodied.

A forbidden love was his solace.

He gambles his mortality for Sol, to the wyvern that cheats him of life for her salvation.

Azari lies in his own velvet.

“Don’t leave me.”

“Who am I to deny you?”

Perhaps Azari will love Sol forever.

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Comments and 5 questions

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Blink. I see death. Visions of decaying flora, ashy welkins, murky waters, hell on earth. These fatalistic images are all my foresight will show me.

Blink. I see my grandkids, questioning my sad look.

“You will hear the earth’s cries. Answer her call.”

I withered as the trees, watching the future unfold. I see my grandkids sprouting, influencing widely.

My guidance planted the seed, the cause of their unremitting resolve. Marina’s forefront goal is to free creatures trapped in befouled waters. Avis’ driving force: a dream of a clear atmosphere. Through them: flora flourished, air clean, crystal oceans, earthly heaven.

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On The Esplanade

In the medieval period lived a kingdom on an esplanade, bordered by a swath of grass, ruled by a puissant monarchy. On a dreary day, Rolan was gazing through an oriel; he saw a maiden enter the castle. She captured his heart; the affinity between them blossomed into roses with painful thorns.

Valerie despised this; she poisoned the Maid, causing her eyes to disappear. In distress, Rolan seeks their apothecary, learning that venom stung the Maid’s eye. That same toxin was in Valerie’s dresser. Mortified, Valerie fled. In time, Rolan ascended the throne, while the Maid lived silently alongside him.

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Critiqued by: Ayla Aguirre and Margareth Jacob

Comments and 5 questions

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“3 Assignments Due Tomorrow”

The IV’s sound lingers in her room, phone unchecked by her bedside.

Bzzt.

Dread stops her from moving, paralyzed.

Bzzt.

Her chest tightened.

Bzzt.

She squeezed her eyes shut before the door burst open.

“Idania! Are you okay?” a friend’s voice asked, and pressure was lifted from her chest. Her phone forgotten by her bedside.

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Critiqued by: Zuleika Arceo and Bea Baking

Comments:
- There is a great usage of anaphora with the sound "bzzt".  Every statement afterward portraying the physical manifestation of her mental struggle truly made me feel the tightening of the chest and the paralysis caused by dread as I was reading.
- Her friend seems to be someone she truly relies on, and someone whose presence is a comfort, and she momentarily forgets about the immense pressure she feels. I am glad that the character has a support system in her life.
- Even though the story was simple and short, it was still able to convey its message. I just hope Idiana's story will be expounded on more in the future.

5 questions:
1. What does the IV mean? It gives us the impression of being in a hospital. Does this connect with her mental struggles or does it symbolize something else?
2.  What does the 'bzzt' sound signify? Based on the title, I am assuming they are homework reminders. Could they be notifications for something else too?
3. What exactly are Idiana's struggles?
4. What is the relationship between Idiana and her friend? How did their friendship begin? What has Idiana's friend done for her in the past to help her in her struggles?
5. How will Idiana progress as a character in this story? Will this be a story only be about her hardships? Or will there be growth and recovery for Idiana?

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Patrice Chua and Mary Dela Torre

Comments:
- It needs more "show, don't tell." The concept is very graceful as it is impactful since it merges a fantastical theme with an urgent social issue, but the writing is unable to fulfill the same potential as the idea it wishes to deliver.
- The use of anaphora through the repetition of "Blink." enhanced the story. It signified how much time has passed, yet nothing has changed; the environment is still in the process of degradation. However, it could have been utilized for a third time, near the end. The reader is may wonder when future events take place.
- World-building, especially for environment-focused themes, is critical. Through the use of imagery, they conveyed their message well and successfully. However, it would have enhanced the story if more time had been spent discussing the characters.
- In "my guidance planted the seed, the cause of their unremitting resolve," I was led to believe that, perhaps, Marina and Avis had no personal incentive as to why they fought for the environment. Instead, it was only through their grandparent that they cared. I wish that more of their own experiences were highlighted.

5 questions:
1. Are we under the guise that their grandmother will be narrating the entire story? Or are we made to believe that Marina and Avis are the main characters? If it is the latter, I believe that their introduction for the two was delayed.
2. Why was the description of the environment so intently focused on? It is very much appreciated, but with such a stiff or tight word limit, the use of some of the word count could've been allocated elsewhere that would have given more context to the story aside from its general overview  (i.e. Marina and Avis, with a brief sentence or two on their backstory or personality).
3. Who is this grandmother? She seems to be a very crucial pillar within this story, yet she is given little to no characterization, other than the fact she cares deeply about the environment and can tell the future. With such a bizarre element to her, she requires more writing on who she is as a person than what she is initially given.
4. How did Marina and Avis achieve their goals? I believe that their journey toward reaching their goals should have been explained more, given that they seem to be the major characters that initiated the story's turning point and resolution.
5. Are there any sacrifices, deaths, turning points or twists to be made in the story? The drabble seems to be all too smooth sailing and no conflict seems to arise other than the "almost" inevitable perishing of the Earth, foretold by the grandmother. On this topic, does the line "I withered as the trees, watching the future unfold." imply that the grandmother is slowly passing away, will that be a greiving hardship Marina and Avis need to get over?

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- There was a good amount of imagery in the story that was enough to describe the setting in detail.
- We appreciate the adaption of words from the short story "The Middle Prince". All the words were appropriate and used correctly in this drabble.
- The ending was interesting because it illustrates how Rolan’s love for the maid never died using aureation.
- It would be better if there was more background on who Valerie is. She appeared out of nowhere and without context which could confuse future readers.

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- very creative use of words
- comprehensible and easy to understand; interpretational
- full of emotion

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- very colorful words
- requires heavy thinking and analyzing
- It’s really impressive how the writers were able to build a rich story with a profound setting even with the short word count requirement.

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1. What exactly was the curse given to Sol?
2. What is the association of your title 'Solitary' to the overall story?
3. In the story, is their 'child' a literal reference to Azari and Sol having a child or a metaphor to something else?
4. What is the importance of the acquiescent amulet to the both of them or to the story?
5. Why did Azari and Sol love each other to the point where one of them was willing to sacrifice their life for the other?

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1. What was Valerie to Rolan?

2. Did the maid love Rolan back? Is it only one-sided?

3. How would you further expand the story? What other details would you add?

4. Why was Valerie so driven to poison the maiden when the story had only shown one interaction between Rolan and the maid?

5. What happened to Valerie after she fled?

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Isabella Marquina
Vinnie Del Rosario

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Aliyah Samaniego
Caitlin Tiggangay