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A strength in your timed theme analysis paragraph was your unique transitions. By using transitions like “This is important in life,” and “Further explained,” you didn’t repeat any of your transitions, which is great! It also helped the paragraph change from one topic to another better. Another strength of your timed theme analysis paragraph was your claim. When you said, “…conveys an unbelievably powerful theme about…,” you used powerful and persuasive word choice to start your paragraph powerfully. Your claim also stated clearly what you thought the theme was, when you wrote, “…treating people the way people wanted to be treated.” However, a part of your paragraph that you could improve was not repeating words. You used the word, “bird,” more than 8 times! The reader might be bored and wonder, “why’s this writer repeating ‘bird,’ over and over again?” If you need help try using the online thesaurus for more synonyms.

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Hey Rohan! Your paragraph is pretty neat and well thought out. I also like your claim and evidence as well, your sum-up is also well though out too. And you also give a good claim and evidence that draws the reader to read more of your paragraph. However, you should look more closely for personal pronouns and remember to highlight all of the transition words like “in life,” But keep up the good work!

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Hey Rohan! I really like your paragraph, good choice in words very well done explanations and a everything else is really good too! I also like your claim and sum-up which are very well thought out. However, if I were you I would try to make the evidence a bit longer. But other than that, you did really good!

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A strength of your paragraph is how you describe the theme of Boundin’ in a unique way and you explain how to rebound from bad things that occur in life. Another strength you have is that you really take your time in explaining how the evidence is important in explaining the theme. One wish I have to help you in future writing pieces is to make sure that you actually put all you can do and make it a bit longer.

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A strength of your analysis paragraph, “The Boundin Analysis,” was your two explanations. You explained the evidence well and showed how the Pixar Short, Boundin’ expresses the theme. As a reader, I understood how the evidence proved the claim. In addition, I also liked how you used different transitions. You never even repeated a single transition which is great since if you repeated the same transitions, then it would have been boring to the reader. However, a change that you could make in your paragraph was that you could’ve used different vocabulary, even though you used different words during the claim and sum-it-up, you repeated the word “different,” more than 3 times in your second explanation.

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A strength of your essay, “Why classroom pets are needed for a basic classroom,” is that you supported your claims well in your CEES paragraph. With the anecdote, explanation, and evidence, I felt like you knew what you were writing about. Another strength of your essay was the “zinger.” Instead of searching up a quote, you made up one, and I have to say, it concluded your essay well when you used a metaphor in your zinger. A part that I felt could be improved on was the introduction. I felt like it was very rushed, and although there wasn’t much time to write the whole essay, I felt like you could’ve made it longer.

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A strength of your essay, “The Beneficial of Video Games,” is the anecdotes in your CEES paragraphs. You created the anecdotes well and descriptively. You also showed in the anecdotes that video games are good for people by supporting the evidence you stated previously. Also, I liked your whole conclusion. In the “sum-it-up,” you said what position you’re on about video games and the reasons why. You stated how people can stop the issue by finding out the benefits of video games. However, I think you could have elaborated in your introduction paragraph. When you said “…most games have parental warnings,” I know that not every game has that, but this is a persuasive essay. You could also have expanded the anecdote.

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You wrote to much bethany in the beginning. You should change that.

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This narrative is very good. Little mistakes. Barely any mistakes.

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A strength of your narrative, “The Release of Cromwell the Pug”, was how you followed the prompt and told how he convinced his dad to get training for Cromwell. It was very thoughtful, and the plot was unique. It also contained some humor in the story.Another strength was how you gave clues about Kevin’s personality, using S.T.E.A.L. It helped me, as the reader, know more about not only Kevin, but also his father. However, I thought that your story could be a bit longer, for the resolution of how Kevin got Cromwell training appeared very quickly in the narrative. In general, however, I thought that your story was very unique and great!

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A strength of your memoir was that you introduced the setting and the reader had a sense of what was going on, which was that you were at school. The reader could probably tell, because of the teachers that were there and the fact that you gave clues like ‘classroom’ and ‘school’ that helped the reader have a clear idea of what was going on and where you were. Another strength was that you used a lot of creative figurative language, like ‘The black concrete ground looked like it cried from how much sweat had dropped.’  The figurative language described the setting and your thoughts. Although you could’ve done a better job on the ending. It could’ve been more thoughtful and you could’ve thought of a better lesson that you learned.

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I really like the setting you used, I know how nervous you would’ve been.  You also used very good descriptions and sensory details. It made me feel like I was there. This memoir is also really good for someone who had trouble when going to school, on their first day or no. Although you could’ve made some of the paragraphs (near the end) more descriptive, I kinda got confused when reading them. But this really good!

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I really liked how you showed every thought you had and how it incorporated with your figurative language. I also really liked how you wrote about how Mrs. Welch was clumsy and funny.
I thought that you could have improved on your grammar, like punctuation, capital letters, etc. Overall I thought it was a very good piece and the lessened learned was great.