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𝐃𝐢𝐝 𝐈 𝐝𝐨 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐰

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𝐃𝐢𝐝 𝐈 𝐝𝐨 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐠? 𝐈 𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤 𝐈 𝐝𝐢𝐝? 𝐑𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭? 𝐍𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠'𝐬 𝐰𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭? 𝐑𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭?... 𝐄𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐬 𝐨𝐤𝐚𝐲. 𝐑𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭?

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𝐈 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐬, 𝐬𝐨 𝐰𝐡𝐲 𝐚𝐦 𝐈 𝐬𝐚𝐝? 𝐖𝐡𝐲 𝐚𝐦 𝐈? 𝐖𝐡𝐲? 𝐖𝐡𝐲?

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𝐈 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐬, 𝐬𝐨 𝐰𝐡𝐲 𝐚𝐦 𝐈 𝐬𝐚𝐝? 𝐖𝐡𝐲 𝐚𝐦 𝐈? 𝐖𝐡𝐲? 𝐖𝐡𝐲?

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𝐖𝐡𝐲 𝐝𝐨 𝐈 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐟 𝐟𝐚𝐢𝐥𝐮𝐫𝐞

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𝐖𝐡𝐲 𝐝𝐨 𝐈 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐟 𝐟𝐚𝐢𝐥𝐮𝐫𝐞

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𝐋𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐈'𝐦 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐠𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐞𝐧

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𝐋𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐈'𝐦 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐠𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐞𝐧𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡. 𝐍𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐞𝐧𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡.

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𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐲'𝐫𝐞 𝐲𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐠𝐚𝐢

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𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐲'𝐫𝐞 𝐲𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐠𝐚𝐢𝐧..

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I hate the fact that I can't be there for someone

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I hate the fact that I can't hug them
or give them affection
or highfive
tackle
anything
:(

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I hate it so much

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I hate that I'm never on

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bye bye?

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isn't it fun getting left out :)

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like, just ignored and stuff. You're haning out and all of a sudden they just start ignoring you. Isn't is so much fun?

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History: deleted
Holy water: needed
Phone: yeeted
Therapist: greeted༎ຶ‿༎ຶ

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okay so like ik so one is probs here but imma go on a rant. OKAY SO lIKE IN SO MANY FANFICS THAT IVE READ AND THEY HAVE THE MAIN CHARACTER HAVE DEPRESSION THEY WRITE IT SUPER DRAMATIC LIKE THEY SLIT THEIR RISTS EVERY DAY AND LIEK SUUUUPER DRAMATIC THINGS. and I'm like honey that's not how depression works. depression isn't just cutting yourself until you pass out. It's so much more. It's deeper, and raw, and contains so much emotion you can barely take it in. People stereotypically think people who suffer from depression are all sad and "emotionless" but NOOOOOO.

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PEOPLE WITH REAL DEPRESSION ARE USUALLY THE HAPPIEST PERSON YOU KNOW. They're always trying to make someone's day better. They're happy. but they just have immense amount of self doubt that they're not good enough that they're alone. and not some stupid sad little shit who's only happiness is slitting their fucking wrists.

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When you have depression. you don't want to get up in the morning. you can't find a reason too. but you get up anyways. wanna know why? BECAUSE YOU FRIKING CARE. because you care too much. because you don't want people to feel how you feel. you want attention. you've been neglected and they hurt you. you fall into this state of sadness because people neglect you, because you feel as though you don't matter.

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and I've gotten way off topic, but it annoys the absolute frick outa me. When someone writes a book or someone and they make someone depressed and its so fake. it doesn't happen in real life. The type of depression they write isn't real. It never was.

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Real depression. Is when you have so many reasons to get up. So many people to care for. yet you don't believe you're worth it. you believe you fell short of everyone's expectations. You feel as though everyone is better than you. you feel as though they look at you like you're horrible.

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and yeah. I may not seem like I have depression. And some may not believe I have depression. some may even think i do it for attention. But I sure as damn get those moments when I fall into this state of sadness. Thinking of all the worst scenarios, and having so much self doubt. That my mind is on an endless loop of sadness. And I can't think of anything else. I can't pull myself out of that mindset.  So I just sit there, in my head, watching as my mood gets darker and darker.

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And I just can't. It's not like I can't do anything. I'm just unable to be. I'm unable to be present, I'm stuck in my mind. Like I'm in a different world.

And nobody can understand because they don't go through the same things.

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You can't put your exact thoughts into words because they aren't really words. They're like words. But they're words and emotions and colors woven pictures, and landscapes, and textures. emotions sown into the seams of the fabric of your mind. Just exactly put in your mind where you can remember. But you can't form the exact picture and turn it into words.

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....I haven't had the energy to do anything .. I cleaned my room ig thats good but i mustnt be in a very goood place to be actually cleaning my room- i dont ever do that so uh

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....I haven't had the energy to do anything .. I cleaned my room ig thats good but i mustnt be in a very goood place to be actually cleaning my room- i dont ever do that so uh

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must be bad ig

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im so tired :]

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so so tired

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non stop watching minecraft yep watching someone build random shit for the past 3 dys straight

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CAN SOMEONE PLATONICALLY JUST LIKE CUDDLE WITH ME AND GIB ME KITHES ON THE TOP OF THE HEAD PLS IM SO TOUCH DEPRIEVED

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I WANT HUGS SO BAD UGHHHH LIKE GOOD HUGS WHERE THEY SQUEEZE THE LIFE OUTA U UUU UFJSAFAKSJSADFJDFSJDFDFHDFJDJD

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my post disappeared-

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also my boobs feel like they're suffocatin' im wearing shcuh a tight braaa CUZ I CANT FIND ANY OTHER ONEEE UUUUUUUG I CANT BREATHHHHHHH

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avacado

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my youtube shorts is messed up :)

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my eye is twitching

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I HAVNENT SLEPT IN THREE DAYS

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so like ya know the brain thingy where like it doesn't like let you hurt urself like with alot of people ur brain like won't let you bite ur finger off and stuf well mines brocken- I legit just dislocated my toe uh hehe

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The cartilage in my knee is messed up so when I lock my leg for too long it starts to hurt really badly and I end up not being able to lift my leg, like if i put any weight on it, it will legit start shaking so badly and collapse

it also collapses randomly alot :\

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my coach makes me feel like I am the worse player on the team so now I'm crying

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really fucking sad rn :)