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It’s been five years since those days—the heavy mornings, the quiet, anxious commutes, the feeling of being a “nonessential essential” in a world on fire. I still remember waking up each day with a weight in my chest that felt immovable. I wasn’t a nurse. I wasn’t a doctor. I didn’t have clinical training. And yet, I walked into that hospital every day, masked up, heart racing, unsure of how I fit into the chaos unfolding around me.

Now, the world has shifted. The city has life again. But I carry those memories with me—of fear, helplessness, and that ever-present question: Am I doing enough?

Looking back, I know now that I was never useless. None of us were. The roles may have looked different, but we all held up pieces of the system when it was cracking under the weight of the unknown. The things I once thought were small—coordinating, organizing, being a steady presence—they mattered. It took time to see it, to believe it. But I do now.

There are moments when that old voice creeps in, whispering I wasn’t enough. But I meet it with compassion. I remind myself of the long hours and the ways I showed up—even when I didn’t feel brave, or strong, or helpful. Support comes in all forms. And I’ve learned that sometimes, just being there is everything.

To those years, I offer both gratitude and grief. And to that past version of me—the one who walked into the hospital feeling like she didn’t matter—I say: You did. You do. You always did.

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We were asked to stand up a COVID testing center very shortly after NYC was named the epicenter. This was before there was adequate PPE.

I worked the clinic alongside my colleagues.

I recollect one family--Mom, Dad, 2 schoolage children--whose cruise ship had been detained, all passengers required to disembark. Their first planned vacation as a family--the kids had been so excited.

I remember the fear in the Dad's eyes when I entered the room to collect his swab. And the sadness.

And I remember the undying valor of my colleagues. Cleaning their face masks with bleach wipes. Reusing their gowns. Unwavering in their commitment.

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Our ambulatory providers, many of whom had not set foot in the hospital in years, volunteered in droves to go work in the hospitals during the height of the pandemic. I was so humbled by their dedication and bravery, I wept that day.

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"All the women, in me, are tired". This was me on May 6, 2020, I'd been at work for 51 days straight.

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"All the women, in me, are tired". This was me on May 6, 2020, I'd been at work for 51 days straight.

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A day filled with overwhelming emotions.

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A day filled with overwhelming emotions.

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It was 5:00 AM on Sunday, March 29, 2020, when the Bronx VA Medical Center in New York reached out urgently, dispatching me to the JJ Peters Medical Center in the Bronx.

They were in desperate need of medical staff to help triage a surge of ill Veterans and their families.

Everyone was scared and unprepared, lacking proper protective gear, and I shared that fear.

For some, it was the last chance to see their loved ones, who were being triaged in the emergency room, and many never returned. The pain in the eyes of those loved ones was heartbreaking as they turned away, returning home to await news of their family members.

None of us were ready for the challenges ahead, and the following days at the Bronx VA JJ Peters Medical Center were just as daunting.

Research labs were converted into makeshift morgues, filled with the cold storage of research reagents, as we faced the reality of so many who had been triaged to the ER the day before.

I was genuinely shocked. It was a day filled with overwhelming emotions that I held back.

This is the first time I’ve talked about this.

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Who Knew?

Who knew of the coming maelstrom?

Who knew we would all face our “OH MY GOD” moment(s)?

Who knew we would have a shortage of body bags from all those many that were lost to Covid?

Who knew we had to make our own body bags until the supplies were replenished

Who knew I would be asked to create “toe tags” until the supplies arrived?

Who knew that for every body bag 3 “toe tags” were required?

Who knew I would be making hundreds of tags?

Who knew this was going to be my “OH MY GOD” moment”?

and when all seemed at its lowest

Who knew we would all become a beehive of collective unity; who knew we would work in unison to beat back the invader.  Who knew that our spirituality would blossom once again thru our collective humanity.

Who knew?

A. Manzano  May, 2021

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Here comes the sun...will always remind me of patients discharging after battling this virus. Gratitude for its decline. Gratitude for learning how strong we all are...#bettertogether

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Here comes the sun...will always remind me of patients discharging after battling this virus. Gratitude for its decline. Gratitude for learning how strong we all are...#bettertogether

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In reflecting back on those days, Mount Sinai employees will always step up to the plate.

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{sometime I just felt like expressing my feelings of how this moment was effecting me}

WE’RE IN THIS TOGETHER

We’re in this together,
Who’d of thought as we’d begin,
The strangers that met you,
Would become your dear friend.
And friendship to family we soon would
become.
Memories to cherish,
Moments to form.

We’re in this together,
Like the stars in the sky,
Growing closer and closer,
As the days go by.
So close that nothing can stand in
between,
Not stress, fatigue, nor covid-19.

We’re in this together,
As the times get tough.
As the days get heavy.
As the nights get rough.

We’re in this together,
GOD knows how we feel.
Like no end to this madness,
Like restricted by teal.

But there will be an end.
Like the day turns to night.
There will be a peace.
Keep hope in your sight.
We’ve battled before,
And we’re all for the better.
And we’ll win this fight too.
WE’RE IN THIS TOGETHER

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Always find a way for the lighter side

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Always in it together

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we always knew what we were up against

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We were always there for our patients

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Community Heroes Donate their Sera in Hopes of providing a COVID Treatment.

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Many of us look back at the COVID-19 pandemic like a time of war. Our loved ones were sheltered away at home while we marched into the hospital every day to face uncertainty and witness the horror and devastation of an invisible enemy.

I will not forget the many people I watched struggle to breathe, deteriorate, and die alone and isolated from their loved ones.

I will not forget my colleagues who passed away.

I will not forget that feeling of helplessness when we had no treatments and no vaccines.

I will not forget the many people who stood up and took action.

Never forget.

Sean Liu MD, PhD

Medical Director of the COVID Clinical Trials Unit

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The A-B-C's of Caring and the Do-Re-Mi's of Gratitude - Songs for Mount Sinai Play On ...

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During Covid-19, the redeployment of staff to help with critical care was occupying most everyone at the Mount Sinai Health System. While our front-line providers were being stretched beyond the breaking point to battle the life-threatening virus, heart-felt offers were coming in from the community in the form of donations and volunteer efforts. These included hotel accommodations, food, notes of comfort, homework tutors for staff’s school age children, enhancements for the Family Resources Center, and entertainment by New York’s theater community.

Mount Sinai Chief Human Resources Officer, Jane Maksoud assigned three members of the HR team to review, respond to, and direct the offers as appropriate. For that purpose, the trio met almost daily to make the most of these kind offers, and in the spirit of their remit, named themselves the “groovy gals.” Hamel Vyas of International Personnel, Mari Umpierre of Mount Sinai Calm, and Mary Vanderwoude of Corporate HR bonded as they embraced this opportunity to help our caregivers in these unique ways. Most of these offers came to fruition thanks to coordinated efforts across the Health System.

The A, B, Cs of Caring

Today, five years later Mari Umpierre is continuing the School Age Tutoring program as part a Mount Sinai Calm service. These remote one-on-one tutoring sessions are a gift to parent, student, and volunteer alike, and Mari is always in need of more volunteer tutors for our school age children. Could that be you?

The Do-Re-Mi’s of Gratitude

In case you missed it, or if you want to relive the spirit of gratitude that the local entertainment industry shared with health care workers during the pandemic, we have good news for you! Led by a stage and film actor, Jordan Dean whose life had been saved at Mount Sinai Heart just months before the pandemic, and who went on to play Prince Harry in the Lifetime movie, “Harry and Meagan: Escaping the Palace” we have a YouTube playlist you can enjoy. “Songs for Mount Sinai” is a collection of 63 videos that run from 26-seconds to over 6-minutes long.

The videos are by the famous: Audra McDonald, Michael Cerveris, Kelli O’Hara, Brian Stokes Mitchell, Lin-Manuel Miranda, Megan Hilty, Mario Cantone, Melissa Joan Hart, and Victor Garber as well as other creative, generous, and caring performers. Watching these videos today, you cannot help but be moved by these messages of gratitude by classes of school children, the entire cast of the “Les Misérables” national touring group, a marching band, as well as a lone poet-philosopher or two, singers, composers, comedians, and puppets. You’ll see dancers leaping across a roof top, in a field, and on the street and watch as musicians play piano, strum guitars, and sing. Most are fun, many are funny, a few may bring a tear to your eye. All are delightful.

You may have been too preoccupied to watch them back in the dark times of Covid-19, but they are available today as the “Songs for Mount Sinai” YouTube playlist. Watch them. Enjoy them. Choose your favorites and share them with others. They are offerings worth treasuring and revisiting as we continue to heal from that time that seems like both just yesterday and a lifetime ago.

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Pandemic Gifts-Songs for Mount Sinai pix

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Where to start...

What to say...

Why try to ...

When do we...

Who will...

How to end these thoughts of many...

Before Covid-19 came to us and after many years after.

With many Echos of Memories, I can remember how with scrubs or any identifications of proof that we worked in the hospital, people avoided being next to us with the fear of catching Covid-19. But there are so many inspiring stories and sad ones.

Finally, I wanted to say my cousin Miguel and the rest of the world who passed away of these times, will they be remembered forever.

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MSSN Vaxmobile team distributing COVID-19 vaccines

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The Mount Sinai South Nassau Vaxmobile was the region's first COVID-19 mobile vaccination unit! The team visited local, underserved communities to provide vaccines to those would not have access otherwise.

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MSSN staff giving and getting COVID vaccines!

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Mount Sinai South Nassau nurses provided some of the first COVID vaccines to local first responders.

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Retired NYPD cop Tony Greco was hospitalized with COVID and spent 61 days at MSSN before being discharged on May 20, 2020 when the staff gathered to clap him out!

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MSSN EVS team worked tirelessly throughout the pandemic to ensure the hospital was safe for patients and staff.

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Mount Sinai South Nassau employees showed their appreciation for the members of the local communities along with local police and fire departments who organized a caravan of nearly 400 cars that streamed down One Healthy Way and onto Oswald Court in front of the hospital to support our incredible staff battling the COVID-19 pandemic!

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“It was a challenging and frightening time. So many patients arrived in a critical state or deteriorated while in the hospital and so we needed to come together to convert many areas into additional critical care units.

I  believe the experience  transformed the system in terms of sharing information and  resources within the hospital and throughout the system. Critical Care worked closely among the different sites and ICUs and with many departments and consultants. That system of collaboration has been maintained and that’s a very important outcome.

I have the greatest respect for all members of the hospital community  who worked with courage,  devotion, and compassion." - Former MICU Director Dr. Janet Shapiro

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"I was impressed with the response of the community. There are a lot of unsung heroes, from those who work in housekeeping to prepare rooms for the next patient to food services preparing meals. They risked their lives too. They really stepped up. It showed the tremendous resilience of the people who showed up.” - Dr. Larry DiFabrizio

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Mount Sinai Queens nurses, doctors, techs, and all the staff showed their resilience in the early days of, and throughout, the pandemic. Here staff show their spirit with a joyful photo in from of the "Heroes Work Here" window decal.

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Heroes Work Here Jumping Staff Mount Sinai Queens

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Tokens of appreciation from the community and organizations were greatly appreciated!

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Telemed!

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Ice cream day at NYEE to lift spirits and offer staff a much needed break.

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NYEE nurses performing patient and staff symptom checks at the entrance to the 14th St campus during the height of covid.

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MSBI team made many personal sacrifices to care for our patients. We are thankful for the long hours, extra shifts and teamwork exhibited. Your resilience in the face of endless challenges is exemplary and will not be forgotten. If we can beat COVID, we can do anything together.

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During the annual March 11 COVID Remembrance Day observance NYEE staff posted messages and lit candles in memory of those lost during the pandemic.

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Early Pandemic Meeting@ 42nd Street Office

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Early Pandemic Meeting@ 42nd Street Office

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Leaders from various Mount Sinai departments held daily emergency preparation meetings in the early days of COVID 19.