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Hi Jax! A strength of your narrative, “Shoes In Wonderland” is the descriptive language you added throughout your story! One moment that I liked was when the character said “Sweat poured down my face making me feel like I was drowning.” In addition, I like the inner thoughts that were very well written! I like how it shows what the character is feeling, I honestly found them pretty entertaining! However, a suggestion I can offer is to describe the setting in the beginning more, so the reader gets a good visual. I also think that you could describe the moment when the character was in the shoes, so the moment lasts, and doesn’t go by very quickly. However, your story was well done!

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Hi Jax! A star in your narrative “Shoes in Wonderland” is your speaker tag variation. I like how you used “She barked while I was walking away.” It makes me feel like there are real people saying and the people have a tone. Another star is your figurative language. I like how you said “the little demonic soles.” There are some typos, some sentences didn’t make sense. For example “CUPS. Two, tree, flour.” Didn’t exactly make sense to me. But other than that I loved your piece a lot.

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Hey Jax! Izzy here! One thing I thought was exceptional about your writing piece, “Shoes in Wonderland” was that you really show the characters in the story and their emotions very nicely. I can just tell what kind of guy this dude is when you say “He lisped and picked up a cigar, lighting it’. This displays the man’s emotions perfectly, and shows how your character sis absolutely relieved to get outa there.The second astonishingly great part of your story, is when the character tries to think up some ways to get the shoes off. The describing words you used were perfect and helped show exactly the kind of person your character is to the reader. They display how the character was rushing to think on what to do and how to get the shoes off their feet. Finally a piece of advice I can offer you is that in some of your paragraphs, the formatting is off. there are multiple return spaces, where there should probably just be one. That’s all! Your story was AWSOMEEEE! ✨

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Hi, Jax my bestie! A strength in your essay is your anecdotes. I really like how in your second CREWS paragraph I could really picture the girl crying in the restroom. I love your zinger acrostic poem. It is so creative, when you say “it demons self-expression” I like the word choice you used. One wish is that you elaborated more on the bullying scene. I think that students would get bullied by their choice. Maybe if you said students with uniforms get bullied because of their uniforms showing the school they go to. Other then that I love your piece.

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A strength of your memoir, “Doomsday on Tuesday” is that you really described your feelings in your inner thoughts! One of my favorite thoughts you added was  “Ack! People are going to look at my foot! Gotta get my shoe on- Ack!” Another thing I like is the lesson you learned. I definitely agree- not everyone is perfect, but you should be proud of yourself no matter what. However, a suggestion I can offer is to describe the setting more, so the reader can paint a picture in their head. Otherwise, nice job!

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One thing I liked about your memoir was the inner thoughts. I thought that they were really fun and funny. My favorite one that you wrote was “Ack! People are going to look at my foot!”  I had a little giggle when I read this. Another thing I liked about your memoir was the ending/ lesson. I thought that the lesson was really good. I liked how it said “I can’t be the best at everything.”and “I am proud of myself.” My only wish for you is to make it a little bit longer. It was quite short wich made me sad because I really wanted to read more. If you were to add maybe a paragraph or so that would satisfy me.

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JAXXXX!!! Your memoir was amazing!! A few things I really loved about your piece were that you really described the gross and dusty taste of dry dirt. Especially when you said “The smell of dry aromas lurking in the air”. Another thing I adored about your piece was that you did a great job on the final realization of the piece. A suggestion I would give is that you could give us as little more information about the ground. Anyways, luv you, byeeee!

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Hi Jax! I really loved your about me, and I agree with maya! It was so..✨AeStHeTiC✨. Another thing I really enjoyed was that you brought the reader a sense of comfortability, and made it feel like I was in your cafe’! It was amazing! One thing I would recommend is to tell us more about what your dislikes are, and make a bit more smooth transitions. But that about it! Have an awesome day bestayyyy! ✨🔥🧀👂🏼🤠✨

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I think your ‘about me’ piece is great! I love how you elaborated on discord and what it is. I found your background very aesthetically pleasing. It was well coordinated. I also loved your introduction and ending, it made me feel warm and cozy. One thing I think you should know, though… your transitions could use some work. You kind of went from one topic to another very abruptly. Besides that, I loved reading it!

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I loved your about me so much! There is basically nothing I can recommend to you. But, I do think that you can elaborate and tell us what you don’t like. But other than that, this is great!