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Why Do Families Change? By Dr. Jillian Roberts (Digital Picture book)

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Why Do Families Change? By Dr. Jillian Roberts (Digital Picture book)

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Why Do Families Change? This book explains what the words "separation" and "divorce" mean. The author also explains that people in relationships sometimes take a break and that it is OKAY. The story clearly states that some people stay together forever and some do not, that life is unexpected. Also says that people cannot take it personally when they see two people in a relationship separate, because it happens. It is intended for the reader to understand that separating/divorcing is a normal thing and that you cannot do anything to change the situation.

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Separation and divorce are difficult on the entire family. Often young children blame themselves or are unsure of their place in the family if these events occur. Child psychologist Dr. Jillian Roberts designed the Just Enough series to empower parents/caregivers to start conversations with young on…

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The List of Things That Will Not Change By Rebecca Stead

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The List of Things That Will Not Change By Rebecca Stead

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This book is about an 8 yr old girl, Bea, who finds out her parents are getting divorced. She learns from her parents that they will be separating into two different houses and that her dad identifies as gay. She struggles with this big change but finds herself finding ways to accept it. She realizes that nothing changed other than them living in two different houses. Bea finds herself focusing on all the positives around her.

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EIGHT STARRED REVIEWS! The reassuring book kids and families need right now.

"An absolute original . . . a story that kids will love." --R. J. Palacio, bestselling author of Wonder

At a time when everything is changing for Bea and her family, the important things will always stay the same. A soon-to-be classic by the Newbery Award-winning author of When You Reach Me.
After her parents' divorce, Bea's life became different in many ways. But she can always look back at the list she keeps in her green notebook to remember the things that will stay the same. The first and most important: Mom and Dad will always love Bea, and each other.

When Dad tells Bea that he and his boyfriend, Jesse, are getting married, Bea is thrilled. Bea loves Jesse, and when he and Dad get married, she'll finally (finally!) have what she's always wanted--a sister. Even though she's never met Jesse's daughter, Sonia, Bea is sure that they'll be "just like sisters anywhere."

As the wedding day approaches, Bea will learn that making a new family brings questions, surprises, and joy, and readers will discover why the New York Times called Rebecca Stead a "writer of great feeling."

"An undeniably beautiful book." -- The New York Times

"No author writing today observes young lives with more clarity, tenderness, and grace." --Newbery Medalist Katherine Applegate, author of The One and Only Ivan

"Stead truly understands the inner life of kids." --Newbery Medalist Erin Entrada Kelly, author of Hello, Universe and You Go First

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EIGHT STARRED REVIEWS! The reassuring book kids and families need right now."An absolute original . . . a story that kids will love." --R. J. Palacio, bestselling author of WonderAt a time when everything is changing for Bea and her family, the important things will always stay the same.

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In this children's book, we see Alex, talk about the cool things he has at each of his parents houses. This story talks about what Alex gains as a result of the divorce rather than what he lost. Alex has different things at each of his houses but he is happy with them all. He knows he is loved by both of his parents and that makes him think positively.

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"Parents looking for a book about separation or divorce will find few offerings as positive, matter-of-fact, or child-centered as this one. . . . Simple, yet profoundly satisfying." - Booklist (starred review)

At Mommy's house, Alex has a soft chair. At Daddy's house, Alex has a rocking chair. In each home, Alex also has a special bedroom and lots of friends to play with. But whether Alex is with Mommy or with Daddy, one thing always stays the same - Alex is loved. The gently reassuring text focuses on what is gained rather than what is lost when parents divorce, while the sensitive illustrations, depicting two unique homes in all their small details, firmly establish Alex's place in both of them. Two Homes will help children - and parents - embrace even the most difficult of changes with an open and optimistic heart.

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"Parents looking for a book about separation or divorce will find few offerings as positive, matter-of-fact, or child-centered as this one. . . . Simple, yet profoundly satisfying." - Booklist (starred review)At Mommy's house, Alex has a soft chair. At Daddy's house, Alex has a rocking chair.

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In this adorable book we meet a little girl whose parents are going through a divorce. She needs to bounce between two houses and gets to bring her best friend, Fred to both of them. Fred is her dog and with him she feels comfortable and safe. With Fred by her side, she faces her anxieties and happily spends time with both of her parents. In the story we see conflict and concerns but in the end it is all okay because Fred is there.

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Told from the point of view of a young child whose parents are divorced, Fred Stays with Me follows a girl and her dog, Fred, from one parent’s house to the other’s, giving her a sense of continuity and stability. With a simple text and childlike language, the story expresses and addresses a child’s…

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Divorce Is The Worst By Anastasia Higginbotham

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Divorce Is The Worst By Anastasia Higginbotham

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Divorce Is The Worst takes a different approach towards divorce and talks about the negatives a divorce can have on a child. The picture book has funny images but delivers a realistic message pertaining to children who have seen their parents go through it. It talks about how it is hard to keep your heart whole when dealing with divorce and also talks about how much your world can be changed. It also touches on the different emotions you may face and how to best handle them.

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It's that exact mix of true-to-life humor and unflinching honesty that makes Higginbotham's book work so well...-PUBLISHERS WEEKLY (*Starred Review)

Author/illustrator Anastasia Higginbotham is a book creator who doesn't shy away from tough topics. She tackles them directly in the "Ordinary Terrible Things" series, published by Dottir Press. These kid-friendly books can help start important conversations. -CITIZEN TIMES

A beautiful assemblage of a book-as if Romare Bearden himself rose from the dead and created a sequel to Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.-COURTNEY E. MARTIN, columnist for On Being

As a child of divorce, I can tell you that the worst part is feeling alone, and feeling like no one could ever understand how awful it is. This book counters those terrible feelings in a beautiful, heartfelt, funny, and digestible way. So incredibly important. - PETER PAIGE, executive producer and co-creator of ABC Family's "The Fosters"

Anastasia Higginbotham...doesn't sugarcoat the words or the charmingly rumpled illustrations in her new book about parents spitting up...With real humor and no pretension, Ms. Higginbotham offers kids empathy necessary to gain hope and perspective on any traumatic event. - JULIE BOWEN, actress, "Modern Family"

Honest, frank, and oh so authentic...with a touch of humor, this story helps kids feel less alone and more understood at a time when they feel their whole word is falling apart. - HAPPILY EVER ELEPHANTS

This book provides, through honest language and evocative imagery, a uniquely realistic view of how children experience divorce. While neither softening or whitewashing this difficult topic, Higginbotham offers an ultimately comforting message to parents and children experiencing separation and divorce. - LISA SPIEGEL, LMHC, Soho Parenting, NYC

As families reconfigure through divorce, the best interest of a child should be front and center. Sharing Divorce Is the Worst can help parents focus on their child's needs as distinct from their own, encourage supportive communication, and nourish resilience for future well being. - ABBY ROSMARIN, Esq., LMHC Mediation Counsel, McCarthy Fingar, LLP and Executive Director of the New York Association of Collaborative Professionals

Higginbotham...manages to have compassion for the adults in this story without letting them off the hook. The 3-D collage, paper-bag art is absolutely beautiful...I wish this book had been around for my nephews when they were going through their parent's divorce. - AMY RAY, musician, the Indigo Girls

I wish so much that this book had existed during my divorce, to help my daughter through. I also wish it had existed during my parents' divorce, to help me through. Thank God someone is finally talking to kids about every day, terrible things. That alone makes them feel less terrible. - KRISTA VERNOFF, screenwriter, "Grey's Anatomy," "Shameless"

"Talking about ordinary terrible things is an essential part of healing from them. Sometimes you need other people's words when you can't seem to find the right ones yourself. This is a cool book full of medicine for the heartsick child." - ANI DIFRANCO, musician

From the Publisher

03/02/2015
First in the Ordinary Terrible Things series, Higginbotham's debut children's book offers a frank look at the painful, confused emotions that are often a part of divorce. Set on the brown paper of bagged school lunches, the collaged artwork incorporates fabric scraps, torn photographs, and hand-lettered text as (largely unseen) parents tell their child that they are divorcing. "It can come as a surprise. When it does, it's the worst," writes Higginbotham as the child (whose gender is kept neutral) gasps. Higginbotham draws the child's features in ink, and readers follow a chain of emotions that includes shock, anger, sadness, and (short-lived) hope. "You're getting me a horse?" the child asks. "Um no," comes the response. "A divorce." The illustrations deliver a substantial emotional impact-a series of pages shows the child doing household chores while "reasons" like "We fell out of love" and "We've changed" appear on dirty dishes and thick gray carpeting. But it's Higginbotham's directness and refusal to talk down to her audience that will make this book such an asset to families negotiating divorce. Ages 4-8. (Apr.)

Publishers Weekly

06/01/2015
K-Gr 3-This insightful and attractive picture book looks at divorce from a child's perspective. The title opens on a gender-neutral and ethnically ambiguous child being told by (unseen) parents that they're planning on splitting up. The child addresses readers directly about divorce while going about daily life (riding a bike, going to the bathroom). Higginbotham is honest with kids, acknowledging unpleasant truths, such as typical emotional responses (anger, guilt, sorrow) and what to expect from parents (crying, fighting, even offering kids bribes to soften the blow). She also places the burden directly on parents: "We don't decide our parents' lives. What they decide affects our lives." The beautiful collage illustrations (backgrounds look like ripped or wrinkled craft paper with photos and other images pasted on) and hand-lettered typeface give the book a homemade feel that will resonate with children. Higginbotham's decision not to portray the parents is a wise one: because readers never see a mother or a father, the title could be used for same-sex divorces, too. Appended are instructions aimed at helping kids express negative emotions by making a collage of their own. VERDICT While divorce books are plentiful, this one stands above the rest.-Brooke Newberry, La Crosse Public Library, WI

School Library Journal

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Part of the Ordinary Terrible Things series, Divorce Is the Worst is a funny but frank picture book for kids whose parents are going through a divorce. In her iconic straightforward-but-sensitive way, author Anastasia Higginbotham sheds light on how hard it is for...

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Standing On My Own Two Feet By Tamara Schmitz

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Standing On My Own Two Feet By Tamara Schmitz

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Addison experiences his parents go through a divorce and understands that they will still love him. He sees that even at soccer practice, at school, and other lessons, his parents will continue to be there to cheer him on. This story explains that a child has no control over what their parents do and will continue to find positives in life even after they are separated.

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Addison is a regular kid whose parents are going through a divorce, but he knows that no matter what happens, his parents will always love him. The text in this beautifully illustrated picture book is inspiring, gentle, and uplifting, and teaches kids that having two homes to live in can be just as great as having two strong feet to stand on.

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Standing on My Own Two Feet: A Child's Affirmation of Love in the Midst of Divorce|Hardcover

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Addison is a regular kid whose parents are going through a divorce, but he knows that no matter what happens, his parents will always love him. The text in this beautifully illustrated picture book is inspiring, gentle, and uplifting, and teaches kids that having two homes to live in can be just...

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1. What does it mean to be "divorced" or "separated"?
2. How does divorce change someones life?
3. Whose fault is it when parents decide to separate?
4. What are some positives that can come out of parents getting a divorce?

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This is a video showing that different people live in different houses or multiple houses. It helps children to feel as though it is normal to not all live in one house. The video also explains what "divorce" means and how that may look on a family.

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Sesame Street: Little Children, Big Challenges - Divorce - Sizzle Reel

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In this video it shows the effects of divorce on children. It explains it through beautiful images and illustrations. The video honestly shows the feelings and emotions that children might face. It shows 12 different children's stories.

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 Christina McGhee - Divorce Parenting Expert

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SPLIT: The EARLY Years | A Film for Parents & Professionals

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In this article, it suggests sayings, words of encouragement and how to approach a conversation about divorce with someone. It offers tips on talking points and also lists sayings that you can say to someone to help them think positively.

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Divorce Sympathy Messages and Words of Encouragement

How can you support a parent, son, daughter, family member, or friend struggling with the pain of separation or divorce? It can be difficult to find the right words to say; they may feel hopeless, insecure, worried, lost, lonely, depressed, and distressed during this stressful time.

You recognize their emotions, and you want to use the right words and tone to acknowledge their pain yet encourage them to look forward to the future. In this article, you will find some simple messages you can say or write that may help someone going through a painful divorce or breakup.

What to Say to Someone Going Through a Divorce or Separation

Here are some things to think about when writing an encouragement card:

Be empathetic. Acknowledge their emotions and use appropriate words and tone to convey sympathy and understanding.

Be positive. Send words of comfort and encouragement to give them hope, lift their spirit, and help them look forward to a brighter future.

Be supportive. Let them know that they are loved, and reach out to them to offer your support.

Send prayers. If they are religious, you can send them a prayer or Qur'an or Bible verse to comfort them, strengthen their faith, lift their spirit, and help them get through the pain of separation or divorce.

Examples of Inspirational Quotes

If you aren't sure what to say or write, you can quote someone else. Here are a few examples of poignant and inspirational quotes:

"When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be." - Lao Tzu

"The knowledge of the past stays with us. To let go is to release the images and emotions, the grudges and fears, the clingings and disappointments of the past that bind our spirit." - Jack Kornfield

"New beginnings are often disguised as painful endings." - Lao Tzu

"The truth is unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward." - Steve Maraboli

Example Words of Encouragement Messages for a Divorce Sympathy Card

This collection of messages will help inspire your own words of comfort:

I know the emotional turmoil of divorce can be incredibly distressing. Think positive thoughts, and keep looking forward to better days.

Spending your days making new, positive memories will make a great difference in your life. Remember that I'm always here for you!

Life is full of ups and downs. Don't be discouraged; stay positive, have faith, and know that you will bounce back even stronger than before.

We're thinking of you. Please try not to let the pain of this moment bring you down. We love you!

I know that there are happier and brighter days ahead for you. I hope you know that I'll always be here to help and support you.

Don't feel guilty about how things ended; think about where you want to be, and make a realistic plan to get there. Remember, life is short-make the most of it.

Try not to dwell on the past. Stay positive; there are brighter days ahead.

Life is what you make of it-so go out and make the most of your newfound freedom. You deserve the best!

I'm sorry to hear about your divorce. I just know that although your marriage didn't go the way you expected it to, the universe has great plans for you.

I just wanted to remind you that there is hope; despite the difficult time you are going through, the best is yet to come!

Your spouse walked away, but you are still an incredibly kind, thoughtful, and caring human being who is worthy of love. You are our pride and joy-keep your head up!

We know it is not easy to get your ex off your mind, but now that it's over, you can move on from the past and step into a new, more fulfilling life.

You can overcome this; we are all here to help you. Life is filled with both light and darkness-never give up!

There is no problem without a solution, but the solution depends on how you perceive the problem. So wipe away your tears, smile, and stay positive!

Remember, this challenging time in your life is only temporary-keep your head up!

When going through a difficult time, letting yourself heal is one of the most important things you can do to bring yourself peace.

It's always difficult to accept change, but when we allow ourselves to be at peace with the past, we can move on to a more enjoyable and fulfilling life.

Life is a gift we should all cherish, and with it comes both good times and bad. Don't worry; everything will be alright in the end.

You are not alone-we are here to help and support you.

Everyone has rough patches to navigate through in life. I promise to be there to help you through yours!

We are sending this note to let you know how much we care about you. Your struggles are our struggles, and we are here to help you overcome the pain and move toward a brighter future.

I know that sometimes, you feel like the unluckiest person in the world, but I am here to be there for you as you forge a new way ahead for yourself and your children.

This disappointment you feel now is fleeting. Be strong, and look forward to better days.

Although you are going through rough times now, there are brighter days ahead. All you need to do now is keep looking forward.

Try not to dwell on the memories of the past; keep on believing that your tomorrow can and will be better.

Life is what you make of it-so make this next stage of your life an adventure filled with wonder and joy.

God understands what you are going through. My prayers for strength and endurance are with you. I love you!

I pray God gives you the strength and courage you need to bounce back stronger than ever before.

I wanted you to know that you're our pride and joy, and you are always in our thoughts and prayers.

I'm sending healing prayers your way.

May God take care of you, renew your faith, and give you the strength to get through this difficult time!

I pray that God takes good care of you and gives you comfort and happiness so that you may live the rest of your life with joy and fulfillment.

I pray for God to continue to provide His grace in your life so you may enjoy His blessings.

Have faith that God is fully in control of your life. You shall have a good story to tell in the end. You are loved!

Always remember that you are in our thoughts and prayers.

Commit your heart to the Lord, and all your desires shall be granted to you.

Just continue thanking God for His goodness upon your life.

I pray that God continues to strengthen your spirit and comfort you.

God makes the night to enter into the day and the day to enter into the night. He brought the living out of the dead and the dead out of the living. Just have faith that God has the knowledge of everything you are going through, and He is able to do all things.

Always remember that you are a valuable part of this family, and we care about you very much.

The end of a relationship is always hard, but don't be discouraged; think about how wonderful the next phase of your life will be.

It's hard to pick up the pieces after a painful separation, but I'm looking forward to enjoying the happy and fulfilling lives we will have in brighter days ahead.

Here's sending warm thoughts to help brighten your day, strengthen your courage, and lift your spirits so that you can get to where you are destined to be. I love and care about you more than you'll ever know!

Don't let the past get you down. Look toward the next phase of life with hope and excitement. Keep your head up!

Remember that even in the darkest of times, there is always hope. Keep your head up; everything will be better soon.

I'm thinking about you during this trying time. I know you're feeling down, but remember, in this new phase of your life, you'll out and explore every beautiful opportunity out there.

Don't let this tragedy keep you from living your life to the fullest. Remember, you are destined for greatness.

Just because you are going through a divorce does not mean that you will never find happiness. Try not to dwell on the past; think about all the opportunities waiting for you out there. Things will go back to normal. Keep your head up!

Go out there, explore all the opportunities that await, and enjoy yourself to the fullest!

Don't let this separation get you down. We are with you.

I just want you to know that I understand what you're going through, and I promise to always be there for you.

This marriage didn't work out the way you had hoped. But I know that you'll bounce back stronger than ever!

I know that you're going through a really difficult time, and I promise to be there for you. Just let me know what you need.

Look at a divorce not as the end of a relationship but the beginning of a new life with endless potential. Stay strong, smile, and explore the possibilities life has to offer.

Our hearts ache for you during this difficult time. May you have the strength and courage to move toward the wonderful opportunities the future has to offer!

Stay strong and have faith that everything will be better again in no time. We are here for you.

Now is the time to focus on your passions in life-stay strong and give your energy to things that bring you joy.

Messages for a Spiritual Person

Spiritual Verses of Encouragement

"....And He knows whatever there is in (or on) the earth and in the sea; not a leaf falls, but He knows it. There is not a grain in the darkness of the earth or anything fresh or dry, but is written in a clear book." - Surat Al-An' am 6:59

"If Allah knows there is anything good in your hearts, He will give you something better than what has been taken from you, and He will forgive you, and Allah is Oft-forgiving, Most Merciful." - Surat Al- Anfal 8:70

"No calamity befalls but by the permission of Allah, and whosoever believes in Allah, He will guide his heart. And Allah is the All-knower of everything." Surat At- Taghabun 64:11

A religious friend or family member may take comfort in spiritual verses. Here are a few examples you can write in a card to someone going through divorce or separation.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths." - Proverbs 3:5-6

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." - Joshua 1:9

"I am leaving you with a gift-peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don't be troubled or afraid." John 14:27

"My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life." - Psalm 119:50

© 2018 Oyewole Folarin
For a Faithful Muslim

For a Faithful Christian

dashingscorpio from Chicago on June 01, 2018:

When it's all said and done a divorce is nothing more than a public admission that mistake was made in someone's mate selection process. There are three basic reasons why couples divorce.

1. They chose the wrong mate. (They're too incompatible)

2. A "deal breaker" was committed in the eyes of another.

3. They fell out of love/stopped wanting the same things.

In order for your (ex) to have been "the one" he/she would have had to see (you) as being "the one". At the very least a "soulmate" is someone who actually wants to be with you! (And vice versa).

"Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."

- Oscar Wilde

In a world with over 7 Billion people rejection just means: NEXT!

Every ending is a new beginning!

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Words of Encouragement and Spiritual Messages for Someone Going Through a Divorce

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How can you support a parent, son, daughter, family member, or friend struggling with the pain of separation or divorce? It can be difficult to find the right words to say; they may feel hopeless, insecure, worried, lost, lonely, depressed, and distressed during this stressful time.

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This website is made for children who have seen their parents go through divorce. It offers activities to do that have to do with feelings, it offers advice, and talks about how everything you are going through is normal. This website offers great projects and activities for children do make to help themselves feel better.

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I Am A Child of Divorce - A Site for Children of Divorce

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1. Students will read Two Homes and then each draw their homes and families. They will think about who they live with, the amount of houses they have and who they love. After each child has finished, they will show their art to the class and describe their home and family. Students can also bring in photos.
2. Student will compare their homes and families to Alex, the child in the story. They will talk about how their lives are the same/different. Using a Venn diagram.
3. Next, students will think about the prompt: What does it mean to have divorced parents? They will brainstorm ideas about what this means and how it could change a child's life.
4. Finally, they will take their ideas and make them positive. What are some positive things to think about when your parents get divorced? How it it similar to Alex? Students will get into small groups and create posters using Glogster or Google Presentations on their computers/tablets to show the positives that can come from divorce.

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The Invisible Web explains that everyone has their own invisible string in which we are all connected, no matter what. The string all ties us together whether we are alive or dead. It explains that the entire human race is connected and known as a big family. The author explains death of never actually letting go of your string and still being attached to everyone. That people who die never actually leave us.

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From the author of the picture book phenomenon The Invisible String, which has sold half a million copies to date, comes a moving companion title about our connections to each other, to the world, and to the universe.For twenty years, the modern classic The Invisible String has helped hundreds of th…

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This book is intended for children who are going through loss and grief. It explains that there are many different emotions that can go with grief and that nobody is alone in what they are feeling. "Just remember it is normal to have these feelings during grief", it says throughout the book. The story tries to normalize what it may look like to be going through sadness and gives insight into how to feel better.

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"This book does an amazing job of addressing one of the more difficult conversations to have with children. The broad topics help illuminate the ways that grief shows up for even the youngest child. The resources, activities, and conversation prompts expend the book beyond just the front and back cover. I would highly recommend anyone who works with or has children in their lives own a copy of Why Do I Feel So Sad? in their personal library." -Megan McKeegan, LMHC (Licensed Mental Health Counselor)

"As a children's therapist, I was blown away by Why Do I Feel So Sad?. I believe it is a crucial book for all therapists to have in their office. With vibrant, diverse illustrations and easy-to-read words, children's emotions and experiences are normalized and validated. Prompts and resources included in the book will facilitate important and engaging discussion for families, and the activities will help children further explore and understand their grief." -Laura K. Calkins-Torres, MA, NCC, LCPC, ICDVP

"Grief is one of the most demanding emotions that we can ever feel, and it is even harder to understand. Tracy does an incredible job not only explaining grief but also in providing tools on how to start the healing process. Why Do I Feel So Sad? was beautiful to read-the illustrations, which included people of all cultural backgrounds, tugged at my heartstrings. As a therapist, I recommend this book for little ones who are battling with grief and as a must for clinicians who treat children." -Andrea Gibson, LCSW (Licensed Clinical Social Worker)

" Why Do I Feel So Sad? is a beautifully illustrated, helpful book written in simple language that children can understand. The author makes the important point that grief comes in many forms. The helpful resource guide makes this a must-have for any family or therapist's bookshelf!" -Amie Allain, PhD, Licensed Psychologist

"This book is a valuable tool to help children process and understand their grief. It helps them understand what grief is and what it feels like in their body, and that it comes not just from the loss of a loved one but a range of life changes: divorce, the loss of a pet, moving, or the loss of friends. It normalizes the feelings associated with grief and provides a wide selection of coping skills to help support them through their overwhelming emotions." -Joanna Loredo, Licensed Professional Counselor

"This book does a great job of including many life situations where a child may feel grief, the feelings and/or behaviors they may experience, and ways to cope with it. I found this book to be very validating, which will help the grieving process and allow kids to know although it may not feel normal, it is normal. The author really made this book an easy read; it is relatable and easy to understand. I would recommend this book personally and clinically, time and time again!" -Tara Cameron, LCSW, Licensed Clinical Social Worker

From the Publisher

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Why Do I Feel So Sad?: A Grief Book for Children|Paperback

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Help kids start to heal after grief and loss-for ages 5 to 7Why Do I Feel So Sad? is an inclusive, age-appropriate, illustrated kid's book designed to help young children understand their own grief. The examples and beautiful illustrations are rooted in...

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In this book, it revolves around the death of a fish to symbolize what losing someone/something may look like. It talks about emotions you may feel when you experience loss and what it may be like to say "goodbye" to someone.

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From bestselling author Todd Parr, a poignant and reassuring story about loss.
Through the lens of a pet fish who has lost his companion, Todd Parr tells a moving and wholly accessible story about saying goodbye. Touching upon the host of emotions children experience, Todd reminds readers that it's okay not to know all the answers, and that someone will always be there to support them. An invaluable resource for life's toughest moments.

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From bestselling author Todd Parr, a poignant and reassuring story about loss. Through the lens of a pet fish who has lost his companion, Todd Parr tells a moving and wholly accessible story about saying goodbye.

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I Miss You helps children to realize that death is a natural part of life. It also mentions how grief and sense of loss are completely normal emotions to have when you lose someone. Missing a loved one that passed is okay and encouraged. The book also helps children to understand that it takes time to be okay after you lose someone you love.

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When a close friend or family member dies, it can be sad for kids and difficult for them to express the big feelings they are experiencing. This book will help explain in a gentle way that death is a natural complement to life and that grief and a sense of loss are normal feelings to have following the death of a loved one.

Parents, teachers, and gift givers will find:

language that is simple, direct, and easy for young children to understand

a helpful tool for coping with loss and grief

a book about bereavement written by a psychotherapist and counselor

a whole series of books for children to explore mental health and emotional issues

The A First Look At series promotes positive interaction among children, parents, and teachers, and encourages kids to ask questions and confront difficult social and emotional questions. Books feature appealing full-color illustrations on every page plus a page of advice to parents and teachers.

What parents and educators are saying:

I highly recommend this book for anyone struggling with how to help their children deal with their grief.

The book did a wonderful job of presenting the facts about life and death, as well as explaining, and therefore preparing her for, the funeral and memorial service we attended.

There are good questions towards the end that can help to get little ones talking about how they are feeling.

This little book was a great and gentle way to introduce death and feelings associated with loss to my almost 4-year-old son. I recommend it.

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I Miss You: Grief and Mental Health Books for Kids (A First Look at...Series)

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I Miss You: Grief and Mental Health Books for Kids (A First Look at...Series) [Thomas, Pat, Harker, Lesley] on Amazon.com. *FREE* shipping on qualifying offers. I Miss You: Grief and Mental Health Books for Kids (A First Look at...Series)

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Lifetimes: The Beautiful Way to Explain Death to Children By Bryan Mellonie

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Lifetimes: The Beautiful Way to Explain Death to Children By Bryan Mellonie

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In this story, the author compares all living things (plants, animals, people) and talks about how it is normal for all living things to pass at some point. It talks about the subject in regards to beginnings and endings. That we each have a beginning and all have an ending, and we might not be prepared for the ending. The author makes it known that we all have our own lifetime and need to cherish it.

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When the death of a relative, a friend, or a pet happens or is about to happen . . . how can we help a child to understand? Lifetimes is a moving book for children of all ages, even parents too. It lets us explain life and death in a sensitive, caring, beautiful way. Lifetimes tells us about beginn…

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Ida, Always is about two polar bears that are best friends, Ida and Gus. They learn that Ida is sick and doesn't have much time left. They make the ending of her life as enjoyable as possible, they also reminisce on their adventures and times together. After Ida passes, Gus tries to think of her spit in a positive way even though he really misses her.

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Gus lives in a big park in the middle of an even bigger city, and he spends his days with Ida. Ida is right there. Always.

Then one sad day, Gus learns that Ida is very sick, and she isn't going to get better. The friends help each other face the difficult news with whispers, sniffles, cuddles, and even laughs. Slowly Gus realizes that even after Ida is gone, she will still be with him-through the sounds of their city, and the memories that live in their favorite spots.

Ida, Always is an exquisitely told story of two best friends-inspired by a real bear friendship-and a gentle, moving, needed reminder that loved ones lost will stay in our hearts, always.

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A beautiful, honest portrait of loss and deep friendship told through the story of two iconic polar bears.Gus lives in a big park in the middle of an even bigger city, and he spends his days with Ida. Ida is right there. Always.

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In this video it defines what "grief" means and how people might handle that emotion. It shows real children and has them explain what grief means to them. It is clearly stated in the video that you cannot control death and that it isn't your fault. It also talks about how death is a natural part of life. The video also helps children to understand they are not alone-it talks about things they might be going through when dealing with grief.

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In this video, it is intended for school-aged kids that are going through loss. In the video, it answers possible questions that children might have and explains the process of grieving. It gives suggestions to feel better and offers support for children who are confused about their emotions.

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In Helping Children Deal With Grief, it offers strategies and explanations to help children go through this hard time. It also provides ideas on what to say and how to talk to children. It helps adults be prepared to communicate with children going through loss and helps them to understand what it appropriate and not appropriate to say.

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Most young children are aware of death, even if they don't understand it. Death is a common theme in cartoons and television, and some of your child's friends may have already lost a loved one. But experiencing grief firsthand is a different and often confusing process for kids. As a parent, you can't protect a child from the pain of loss, but you can help them feel safe. And by allowing and encouraging them to express their feelings, you can help your child build healthy coping skills that will serve them well in the future.

Kids grieve differently

After losing a loved one, a child may go from crying one minute to playing the next. Their changeable moods do not mean that they aren't sad or that they've finished grieving; children cope differently than adults, and playing can be a defense mechanism to prevent a child from becoming overwhelmed. It is also normal to feel depressed, guilty, anxious, or angry at the person who has died or at someone else entirely.

Very young children may regress and start wetting the bed again or slip back into baby talk.

Encourage a grieving child to express feelings

It's good for kids to express whatever emotions they are feeling. There are many good children's books about death, and reading these books together can be a great way to start a conversation with your child. Since many children aren't able to express their emotions through words, other helpful outlets include drawing pictures, building a scrapbook, looking at photo albums, or telling stories.

Be developmentally appropriate

It is hard to know how a child will react to death or even if they can grasp the concept. Don't volunteer too much information, as this may be overwhelming. Instead, try to answer their questions. Very young children often don't realize that death is permanent, and they may think that a dead loved one will come back if they do their chores and eat their vegetables. As psychiatrist Gail Saltz, MD, explains, "Children understand that death is bad, and they don't like separation, but the concept of 'forever' is just not present."

Older, school-age children understand the permanence of death, but they may still have many questions. Do your best to answer honestly and clearly. It's okay if you can't answer everything; being available to your child is what matters.

When discussing death, never use euphemisms. Kids are extremely literal, and hearing that a loved one "went to sleep" can be scary. Besides making your child afraid of bedtime, euphemisms interfere with their opportunity to develop healthy coping skills that they will need in the future.

Whether or not to attend the funeral is a personal decision that depends entirely on you and your child. Funerals can be helpful in providing closure, but some children simply aren't ready for such an intense experience. Never force a child to attend a funeral. If your child wants to go, make sure that you prepare them for what they will see. Explain that funerals are very sad occasions, and some people will probably be crying. If there will be a casket, you should prepare them for that, too.

Keep in mind that even the best-prepared child might get upset, and their behavior can be unpredictable. "Kids will not behave in a way that you might want or expect," Dr. Saltz notes. "If you decide that a funeral is not the best way, there are other ways to have a goodbye." Planting a tree, sharing stories, or releasing balloons can all be good alternatives for providing closure to a child.

Discussing an afterlife

The idea of an afterlife can be very helpful to a grieving child, observes Dr. Saltz. If you have religious beliefs about the afterlife, now is the time to share them. But even if you aren't religious, you can still comfort your child with the concept that a person continues to live on in the hearts and minds of others. You can also build a scrapbook or plant something that represents the person you have lost.

Don't ignore your own grief

Children will often imitate the grieving behavior of their parents. It is important to show your emotions as it reassures children that feeling sad or upset is okay. However, reacting explosively or uncontrollably teaches your child unhealthy ways of dealing with grief.

Children find great comfort in routines, so if you need some time alone, try to find relatives or friends who can help keep your child's life as normal as possible Although it is important to grieve over the death of a loved one, it is also important for your child to understand that life does go on.

Some specific situations

For many children, the death of a pet will be their first exposure to death. The bonds that children build with their pets are very strong, and the death of a family pet can be intensely upsetting. Don't minimize its importance or immediately replace the dead pet with a new animal. Instead, give your child time to grieve for their dog or cat. This is an opportunity to teach them about death and how to deal with grieving in a healthy and emotionally supportive way.

The death of a grandparent is also a common experience for young children, and it may bring up many questions, such as, "Will my mom be next?" It is important to tell your child that you will probably live for a long time.

After the death of a parent, children will naturally worry about the death of the remaining parent or other caretakers. Reassure a child that they are loved and will always be cared for. It is a good idea to rely on family members during this time to help provide additional nurturing and care. Dr. Saltz also recommends therapy in the case of a significant death, such as the death of a parent or sibling. "Therapy provides another outlet for talking when a child may feel like they can't talk with other family members because they are grieving as well."

Treating serious problems

If you notice that your child seems unusually upset and unable to cope with grief and loss, they may have something called adjustment disorder. Adjustment disorder is a serious and distressing condition that some children develop after experiencing a painful or disruptive event. It is a good idea to consult your child's doctor if you feel that your child isn't recovering from a loss in a healthy way.

How can I help a child grieve the loss of a parent?

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Helping Children Deal With Grief - Child Mind Institute

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Tips for families dealing with grief, from what parents should say to how they can help kids express their emotions in a healthy way.

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In this blog post by the National Alliance For Children's Grief, it talks about different peoples stories on loss. Each person has a lot to say about their journey with experiencing grief and how they felt better over time. Each person found different strategies helpful. It offers many personal stories about when people lost someone as a child and the resources they took advantage of.

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When my 44-year-old husband died of brain cancer, leaving me a widowed parent of our 9- and 11-year-olds, I did what seemed logical to me: I went looking for the book that would tell me what to do. How to raise grieving kids while grieving myself. How to support them and – hopefully – not completely…

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1. After reading The Invisible Web, have students create a list of people they feel connected to. Have them think about people they have lost and remember them as well.
2. Everyone in the class including the teacher, hold onto a long piece of string. Find a way to attach all the string together to create a web and talk about why they might be connected to people in the class.
3. Using Seesaw or Figjam have students (with possible teacher help) create a diagram of who they are connected to with an invisible string. Have them type out the connection they have with each person.

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1. What does "grief" mean?
2. What could it look like if someone is going through grieving?
3. What are some things you could do to help a grieving friend or family member?

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Big Ernies New Home By Teresa & Whitney Martin

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Big Ernies New Home By Teresa & Whitney Martin

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In Big Ernie's New Home, it talks about a child, Ernie, who struggles with having a new home. His new home is nothing like his old home and that upsets him. The story touches on the emotions of anxiety, anger, and sadness that a child might feel when they are told that they need to move. Ernie starts to accept new home and find things that comfort him within it.

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iParenting Media Award Winner One morning, Little Henry said to Big Ernie, "It's time to put our toys in boxes. Today we're moving to a new home." New home? How could this be home? The colors were all different. The smells were all different. And everything felt different too. There wasn't even a sidewalk for Big Ernie's paws to pad along.

He was mad and sad and scared. But little by little, he began to notice things that were familiar and comforting. And then he began to notice exciting new adventures all around him. Big Ernie started to feel better. A lot better. For young children, moving to a new home presents a unique set of challenges. While older children grasp the concept of permanent change, preschoolers may not until they have been in their new surroundings for several days or weeks. They experience a move on a very sensory level, reacting to changes in sights, smells, sounds, and climate. And while they may not be leaving a school or friends, they are leaving a familiar community and routines that must be rebuilt in their new environment. Big Ernie's New Home gently affirms the normal sadness, anger, and anxiety that young children feel after a move. And as Big Ernie gradually discovers familiar comforts and exciting adventures in his new home, young readers may be encouraged to do the same in theirs. In an extensive Note to Parents, Dr. Jane Annunziata discusses the feelings that young children face when moving and offers a wealth of suggestions for smoothing their adjustment.

Related collections and offers

Product Details

ISBN-13:

9781591473831

Publisher:

American Psychological Association

Publication date:

04/28/2006

Pages:

32

Sales rank:

224,068

Product dimensions:

7.80(w) x 9.80(h) x 0.20(d)

Age Range:

3 - 6 Years

About the Author

Teresa and Whitney Martin have recently survived moving to Santa Fe with their two boys, two cats, and puppy. Big Ernie's New Home is their first book together, after seventeen years of talking about it. Whitney Martin is also the illustrator of Cory's Stories, Ginny Morris and Mom's House, Dad's House, and Ginny Morris and Dad's New Girlfriend.

Editorial Reviews

iParenting Media Award Winner "When Big Ernie the cat moves to Santa Fe, he misses the familiar comforts of home and learns that everyone -- even the very brave -- needs time to adapt to a new place."-Parents.com "Another comforting book for preschool children facing similar changes."- Kids' Books Without Borders "Big Ernie is a cat who is not at all thrilled with the prospect of a new home. Luckily for Big Ernie, his owner, a little boy named Henry is there to love and support him as they go through the transition together."- PopSugar "A book for 2 to 5-year-olds, Big Ernie's New Home gives a detailed account of all the thoughts and worries that come up when a big move approaches. The story is told from the perspective of Ernie's cat, and Ernie comforts him with reassuring thoughts about how moving is not so bad."- Unpakt Blog "This children's book centers around Big Ernie, a cat who unexpectedly discovers that he and his owner Henry will be moving to Arizona. Throughout the course of the book, Ernie learns how to deal with his sadness, confusion and worry in a positive way. Soon enough, Big Ernie begins to love his new home and new adventures with Henry."-Moving.com

From the Publisher

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Big Ernie's New Home: A Story for Children Who Are Moving|Paperback

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iParenting Media Award WinnerOne morning, Little Henry said to Big Ernie, "It's time to put our toys in boxes. Today we're moving to a new home." New home? How could this be home? The colors were all different. The smells were all different. And everything...

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The Berenstain Bears: Moving Day By Stan and Jan Berenstain

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The Berenstain Bears: Moving Day By Stan and Jan Berenstain

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In this classic book, the Berenstain Bears are moving away from their once comfortable, loved home. One day Papa Bear tells the family that they need to move and the family was upset hearing this. They all needed to work together to pack up their things and bring them into a new home. At first, the move was very scary but they ended up trying to think of the positives they might have there.

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Stan and Jan Berenstain were both born in 1923 in Philadelphia. They didn't know each other as children, but met later at school, at the Philadelphia College of Art. They liked each other right away, and found out that the both enjoyed the same kinds of books, plays, music and art. During World War II, Stan was a medical assistant in the Army, and Jan worked in an airplane factory. When the war was over, they got married and began to work together as artists and writers, primarily drawing cartoons for popular magazines. After having their two sons Leo and Michael, the Berenstains decided to write some funny children's books that their children and other children could read and enjoy. Their first published children's book was called The Big Honey Hunt. It was about a family of bears, who later became known as the "Berenstain Bears."

Stan and Jan planned all of their books together. They both wrote the stories and created the pictures. They continued to live outside of Philadelphia in the country. There are now over 300 Berenstain Bears books.

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This classic Berenstain Bears story is the perfect way to help prepare a child for a new move! Come see where it all began in this classic First Time Book(R) from Stan and Jan Berenstain. Join Mama, Papa, and Brother as they pack up, say heartfelt goodbyes to friends, and move from the mountains and into their beloved tree house down the sunny dirt road.

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Bad Bye, Good Bye talks about the negative feelings a child might have when they need to leave their home. The child talks about all the different things he had to say goodbye to when they left their old home. The child realizes that there are new opportunities at his new home though, where he can start fresh and make new memories.

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"Bad truck, bad guy; bad wave, bad bye . . ." A boy and his family are packing up their old home, and the morning feels scary and sad. But when he arrives at his new home, an evening of good byes awaits: bye to new friends, bye to glowing fireflies, bye to climbing trees. The New York Times bestselling author Deborah Underwood's spare text and the Boston Globe-Horn Book Award winner Jonathan Bean's lush, layered illustrations perfectly capture the complex emotions of moving day. The child-centric transition from dreary morning to cheerful evening comforts young readers facing big changes of their own.

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"Bad truck, bad guy; bad wave, bad bye . . ." A boy and his family are packing up their old home, and the morning feels scary and sad. But when he arrives at his new home, an evening of good byes awaits: bye to new friends, bye to glowing fireflies, bye to climbing trees.

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Bella and Stella Come Home By Anika Denise

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Bella and Stella Come Home By Anika Denise

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In this book, we meet Bella has to say goodbye to her old beloved house and get comfortable in a new one. Her new house is unexpected and she doesn't like all the differences this one has compared to her older one. Bella changes her mindset once she meets her new neighbor who she'd like to become friends with. After she meets him, she starts thinking with an open-mind and starts to think about all the positives this house has.

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After Bella says good-bye to her old house, it's time to meet her new one. But this house isn't anything like Bella expected. The entranceway has ten steps instead of three, the bathtub has feet, and worst of all, it does not feel like home. But Bella knows how to be brave, and with her imaginary best friend Stella by her side, it doesn't take long for her feelings about her new house to change-especially when she spies a next-door neighbor who looks like he'd make a perfect new friend.

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Bella and Stella Come Home [Denise, Anika, Denise, Christopher] on Amazon.com. *FREE* shipping on qualifying offers. Bella and Stella Come Home

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In this story, we meet a boy who is fighting to stay in his home, but everyone ignores him and his feelings. The boy feels loss because he has become so comfortable and attached to his old house that he wants nothing to do with the new one. He begs and pleas to stay in his old house even though the movers are packing everything up. The boy's eyes are opened when he settles into the new house. He starts to see possibilities and start to accept everything.

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This boy has trouble. The movers are here and they're loading the truck without a care for his feelings.

'Cause I like my room and I like my school, And we live real close to a swimming pool, And my best friend lives around the block. Why move to a place called Little Rock Anyway?

Any child who has ever had to move will relate to the feelings of loss and also rejoice in the boy's newfound pleasures when he gets to his new neighborhood.

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I Like Where I Am [Harper, Jessica, Karas, G. Brian] on Amazon.com. *FREE* shipping on qualifying offers. I Like Where I Am

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In this book, we meet a girl who feels different and out of place at school. She doesn't know anyone in her new town and feels like she doesn't fit in. She feels like everything she does is unlike everyone else and all she wants is to fit in. This story has to do with having a fresh start and trying to be brave. She eventually tries to put herself out there and make friends and try new things.

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A #1 NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER!

Featured in its own episode in the Netflix original show Bookmarks: Celebrating Black Voices!

National Book Award winner Jacqueline Woodson and two-time Pura Belpré Illustrator Award winner Rafael López have teamed up to create a poignant, yet heartening book about finding courage to connect, even when you feel scared and alone.
There will be times when you walk into a room
and no one there is quite like you.
There are many reasons to feel different. Maybe it's how you look or talk, or where you're from; maybe it's what you eat, or something just as random. It's not easy to take those first steps into a place where nobody really knows you yet, but somehow you do it.

Jacqueline Woodson's lyrical text and Rafael López's dazzling art reminds us that we all feel like outsiders sometimes-and how brave it is that we go forth anyway. And that sometimes, when we reach out and begin to share our stories, others will be happy to meet us halfway.

(This book is also available in Spanish, as El Día En Que Descubres Quién Eres!)

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The Day You Begin [Woodson, Jacqueline, López, Rafael] on Amazon.com. *FREE* shipping on qualifying offers. The Day You Begin

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1. What are some actions you could take when you see someone having a hard time at school?
2. How can you be a good neighbor to people who just moved near you?
3. How can change be hard? Why?
4. What is an instance where you needed to do something you didn't want to do? How did you deal with it?

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This is a video/song explaining the process of moving and how its okay. The song talks about all the new things to look forward to in a new home and how exciting it is to start fresh.

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Moving Home Song | Little Baby Bum Junior | Kids Songs | LBB Junior | Songs for Kids

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This is a social story about a child starting fresh at a new school. The child is faced with anxiety about what lies ahead of him but ends up finding the positives around him.

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This is an online diary where children can journal to unlock special features. When children are undergoing big changes It can be important to write it out and express their feelings, especially if they don't want to open up to anyone.

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DiaryZapp - The fun and Interactive Children’s Diary App

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DiaryZapp is a fun and interactive journal that encourage children aged 4+ to write and about their daily adventures in their own digital diary.

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DiaryZapp

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1. Students will write their own personal stories in their journals about a big change they had to face, or when something was new to them. They will also need to write about how they handled it. If they do not have one, can talk about one of the characters from the list of books in the topic.
2. Students will work in pairs and share one another's stories. From there, they will create a blog post with their stories and share them on the class website. They can use Blogger.com to do so. (Might need help from teacher).
3. Students will then brainstorm a list of things they could do to help others undergoing big change and write those ideas on poster paper.

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This website/blog post is intended for parents to help children go through the moving process. It is important to learn ways to help them undergo a big change and support them along the way.

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Uprooting your child from their home, school, and friends can be as heartbreaking as it is exciting. Here's how to reducing moving stress, help kids adjust to the transition, and even look forward to it too.

When my daughter, Hannah, was 2 years old, we moved across country from Boston to Indiana for a job. It was a huge upheaval for our sensitive toddler-she was leaving her day-care buddies, her favorite playground, and Grandma. But Hannah seemed cheery as she affixed pony stickers to the big moving boxes that clogged our way-beyond-outgrown apartment. She loved to look at photos of our new house with-parental hard sell here-a big backyard to play in!

On moving-in day, however, I had barely unpacked the microwave when Hannah's worries began. "Where's Nancy?" she demanded over and over. Her beloved music teacher from her old day care was clearly a symbol for all she'd left behind. And she wasn't keen on her "big girl" bedroom, down a scary hall from me and her dad. For the first few weeks, she found every excuse to flee it.

Moving is a fact of life for many kids. Typically, about 10 percent of children ages 1 to 14 move in a given year, and for at least one third of that group, the move entails switching schools. With the freedom to work remotely, more families left big cities last year. But recent research suggests that the address changes can have significant consequences for kids. "Moves during both early and middle childhood can be associated with at least temporary decreases in children's social skills and increases in emotional and behavioral problems," says Rebekah Levine Coley, Ph.D., professor of psychology at Boston College, who tracked kids from babyhood to age 13.

Kids who are generally chill may take it in all stride. But by being aware of potential challenges, you can help your kids cope when you're feeling crazed and still can't find the box with all the beach towels. And in the long run, you'll be modeling lifelong lessons in adjusting to change. "Life is full of big transitions," says Ellen Braaten, Ph.D., codirector of the Clay Center for Young Healthy Minds at Massachusetts General Hospital, in Boston. "Moving is a great opportunity for kids to practice resilience when you are there to help them."

Moving with Babies and Toddlers

A child this age is pretty portable because their world is centered around family, notes Roy Benaroch, M.D., an Atlanta-area pediatrician and author of Getting the Best Health Care for Your Child. As long as all The Important People are coming, too, it's cool. At the same time, routine and predictability do matter.

Pause for snuggles.

"A baby doesn't care if the knickknacks are all unpacked. They want your attention," says Azmaira Maker, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist in San Diego. "If you can be engaged and playful with them, that will make a big difference in how they adjust." So make time for lots of hugs and tickles. When they're off to kindergarten in a couple of years, you can alphabetize the spices.

Keep explanations simple.

How much you explain to your little one about your move depends on how verbal they are. Recruiting one of their stuffed animals can be a good strategy, says Tamar Chansky, Ph.D., author of Freeing Your Child From Anxiety. "You can talk to it and say, 'Hey Bear, you will have a new house but you will still get to live in Olivia's room.' "

Pack their bedroom last and unpack it first.

Experts agree that setting up kids' rooms is a crucial first-day goal. Amid the hot mess, they can have a safe haven. "On moving day, I pulled my kids' sheets off their beds at the old house, washed them, then packed them in a special suitcase," says Stacy Gentling, of Oklahoma City. "When we got to the new place, they were able to sleep on their favorite, familiar sheets the first night." Packing a backpack or a small bag for each child with "can't sleep without it" items can prevent ripping open everything in a desperate search for the unicorn night-light.

Keep to crucial routines.

Aim for priorities, not perfection. "Think about the showstoppers in your child's daily life routine," advises parent coach Carla Naumburg, Ph.D., author of Parenting in the Present Moment. "My daughters are a mess if they don't get enough sleep at night. When we moved, I tried my hardest to keep them to their regular bedtimes." But laying out clothes the night before? LOL.

Moving with Preschoolers

Kids this age will sense that big changes are in the air, but they may have no practical concept of what a move entails, Dr. Chansky says. They may wonder, "Do we get to keep our old house too?" "Are we taking the toilet?" or, more harrowingly, "Will I have to leave all my toys and pets for the new family?" You can reassure them and put things in perspective.

Talk about what's happening.

Children pick up on those whispered conversations, so tell them as soon as you can. You don't need to give your kid months of advance warning, but fill them in when it's getting obvious: You're showing the house, readying for the big yard sale, packing. Spell out what is staying the same (the whole family is coming, your bed is coming) and what is changing (we will have a basketball hoop, you will have a new preschool). Even if you have qualms, presenting the move in a positive light is crucial because your child will take cues from you. "I shared with my kids a list of three reasons to be excited," says Ali Wenzke, author of The Art of Happy Moving. "Dad is going to build a treehouse in the backyard, you can walk to school, and we can ride our bikes to the ice-cream shop."

Visuals are useful.

At this age, seeing is believing. Ideally, take your child to visit the new house or play in the new yard before the move. If that's not possible, give them a video house tour or look at photos. "Google Maps was my new best friend," Gentling says. "We walked through the new neighborhood and downtown that way. The place felt familiar when we got there."

Let your child "help."

Put your preschooler in charge of packing up some of their books or games so they feel they're contributing. With the proper spin, kids can even help weed out all the junk not worth moving: "I set up a 'toy store' in our basement, collecting all the toys from around the house," recalls Wenzke. "Then I gave the kids sticky tabs so they could 'buy' anything they wanted to keep by tagging it. We ended up getting rid of a ton because the kids knew exactly what they wanted to buy and what they didn't need anymore."

Take advantage of their total obsession with boxes.

Wenzke moved from Chicago to Knoxville, Tennessee, with three kids under age 4. "While we were packing, I would make little caves for the kids by turning boxes on their sides. I put a blanket and a flashlight and books and snacks in there. We also created villages out of boxes-a school, a hospital-or turned them into race cars. It made them think of the whole experience as a fun time. Meanwhile, I was frantically packing whatever I could nearby."

Be a friendship coach.

Pals help a new place feel like home, but forging relationships takes time. "We did a lot of role-playing together about how to approach a new kid at the playground or the pool," Wenzke says. "I reminded kids: S.E.A.: Smile. Eye contact. Arms open."

Moving with School-Age Kids

They're leaving beloved teachers, teams, and-sob!-friends. "Parents can underestimate the impact of losing friendships," Dr. Benaroch says. "When a kid has had a bestie for a couple of years, that feels like forever. Moving away can be really hard." But there are ways to help them over the hump.

Don't take it personally.

If your kid says something like, "I'm not moving. I hate you," it's easy to get defensive, especially if you're stressed, Dr. Braaten says. "You may want to yell back, 'You can't talk to me like that! We have to move for my job.' " Instead, listen for the feelings behind the words and empathize. Or share your ambivalence. You could say, "I'm excited to move, but I'll really miss our neighbors." Hearing what you're going through can help them put their own feelings into words.

Find ways to say goodbye.

"Giving kids some closure helps them process these significant changes," says Dr. Braaten. "Offer your child choices: Would you like to go to the playground with Ava? Or make something for her to keep?" Dr. Naumburg recalls: "My 6-year-old went around the house saying goodbye to each room: Goodbye, kitchen. Thanks for all the food."

Set up an email for your kid.

Technology makes it easier for your kid to stay in touch with the friends they're leaving behind. If they don't have one already, establish an email address that they can use to send notes and photos. Assure them that they can use Zoom or FaceTime to hang out together. They can also buddy up for online games. Planning a future trip to see a left-behind best friend, if possible, can be a helpful way of making goodbye not feel like forever.

Tips for Making Multiple Moves with Kids

Moving once can be hard enough. But being uprooted multiple times because of job changes, divorce, or being in the military brings extra challenges. Some tips on weathering a new round:

Stick to real talk.

This time, at least, moving is no longer a great unknown. Use that experience to help explain what's ahead, suggests Dr. Tamar Chansky. Try for a positive spin: "You did a good job with all the changes when we moved to this house. Do you remember that?" If you are faced with shrieks and tears, resist the urge to swear that after this time you will stay put forever. "Remain in the present, and don't make promises if you're not sure about the future," she says.

Preserve stability in other ways.

Returning to the same beloved sleepaway camp every summer, arranging just-like-always trips to the grandparents, or enrolling in an activity or sport that kids are passionate about can reassure them that not everything they love is changing.

Give it time.

Another move may unleash big feelings, especially if your older child has to leave friends they worked hard to make last time. Be patient as they work through emotions, but continue to set appropriate, positive, and healthy limits. Being mad about being the new kid at school again: fine. Shoving your sister because of it: not fine. Keep an extra-close eye on your child's adjustment, and check with a school counselor or a therapist if you worry about your child's coping during this stressful transition.

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Uprooting your child from their home, school, and friends can be as heartbreaking as it is exciting. Here's how to reducing moving stress, help kids adjust to the transition, and even look forward to it too. When my daughter, Hannah, was 2 years old, we moved across country from Boston to Indiana for a job.

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The Boy Who Grew Flowers By Jen Wojtowicz

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The Boy Who Grew Flowers By Jen Wojtowicz

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This book follows a boy named Rink who is disliked at school because he has the ability to grow flowers on his body whenever there is a full moon. He is seen as "weird" and "different" at school. This is until there is a new girl who Rink becomes interested in, and finds out that she has a special ability as well. They become friends and bond over their abilities.

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" Rink Bowagon lives with his family in a faraway house up the winding path, through the thick forest, over Black Bear Creek, at the very top of Lonesome Mountain. The townspeople all agree that the Bowagons are quite strange - Rink's Uncle Dud tames rattlesnakes after all! - but they are unaware of the most special of the Bowagon clan's talents. Every full moon, Rink sprouts beautiful, sweet-smelling flowers all over his body. The budding blossoms are a wonderful sight but Rink keeps this botanical secret to himself, and the other children are quick to ignore the shy boy because he is different. But what will happen when Rink has the opportunity to use his eccentric family to help one of his classmates? " --

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" Rink Bowagon lives with his family in a faraway house up the winding path, through the thick forest, over Black Bear Creek, at the very top of Lonesome Mountain. The townspeople all agree that the Bowagons are quite strange - Rink's Uncle Dud tames rattlesnakes after all!

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The main character in this book is Lalla, a muslim girl who wants to wear a malafa just like her older female family members. She doesn't understand what wearing a malafa truly means or her religion. She discovers her true passions and realizes that she still wants to wear a malafa now that she really does know what it stands for. She discovers how much she truly has faith and wants to express it.

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"Poetic language, attractive illustrations and a positive message about Islam, without any didacticism: a wonderful combination," declares Kirkus Reviews in a starred review.

Lalla lives in the Muslim country of Mauritania, and more than anything, she wants to wear a malafa, the colorful cloth Mauritanian women, like her mama and big sister, wear to cover their heads and clothes in public. But it is not until Lalla realizes that a malafa is not just worn to show a woman's beauty and mystery or to honor tradition-a malafa for faith-that Lalla's mother agrees to slip a long cloth as blue as the ink in the Koran over Lalla's head, under her arm, and round and round her body. Then together, they pray.

An author's note and glossary are included in the back of the book.

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"Poetic language, attractive illustrations and a positive message about Islam, without any didacticism: a wonderful combination," declares Kirkus Reviews in a starred review.Lalla lives in the Muslim country of Mauritania, and more than anything, she wants to wear a malafa, the colorful cloth Mauritanian women, like her mama and big sister, wear to cover their heads and clothes in public.

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Drawn Together is about a boy who wants to have a connection with his grandfather but there is a language barrier between them, making it hard to communicate. The two become frustrated and upset that there is no real way to understand one another. They end up discovering both of their love for art. In the end of the story they both are able to communicate through art.

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This acclaimed picture book from two award-winning creators about connecting across generational and language differences shows that sometimes you don't need words to find common ground.

When a young boy visits his grandfather, their lack of a common language leads to confusion, frustration, and silence. But as they sit down to draw together, something magical happens -- with a shared love of art and storytelling, the two form a bond that goes beyond words.

With spare text by Minh Lê and luminous illustrations by Caldecott Medalist Dan Santat, this stirring story about reaching across barriers will be cherished for years to come.
"A beautifully told and illustrated story about a grandson and grandfather struggling to communicate across divides of language, age and culture." --- Viet Thanh Nguyen, Pulitzer Prize winner Don't miss LIFT, also by Minh Lê and Dan Santat!

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This acclaimed picture book from two award-winning creators about connecting across generational and language differences shows that sometimes you don't need words to find common ground.When a young boy visits his grandfather, their lack of a common language leads to confusion, frustration, and silence.

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This story is from the point of view of an exclamation mark. The exclamation mark doesn't know where they fit in and feels upset knowing they are not like other symbols. They stand out whenever they go, and cannot fit in like everyone else. The exclamation mark ends up finding where they belong and being happy in that place.

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Amy Krouse Rosenthal was born in Chicago, Illinois and graduated from Tufts University. Before becoming a full-time author, she worked in advertising for several years. She wrote both children's and adult books. Her children's books included Little Pea, Little Hoot, Cookies: Bite-Size Life Lessons, Duck! Rabbit!, Spoon, The OK Book, Plant a Kiss, I Wish You More, That's Me Loving You, Exclamation Mark!, and Uni the Unicorn. She also wrote a picture book with her daughter Paris entitled Dear Girl. Her books for adults include Encyclopedia of an Ordinary Life and Textbook Amy Krouse Rosenthal. Her short films include The Beckoning of Lovely, The Money Tree, The Kindness Thought Bubble, and Life Is a Marathon. Her essays and articles appeared in The New York Times, Hallmark Magazine, Parenting, O: The Oprah Magazine, and McSweeney's. She was also the host of the radio show Writers' Block Party on WBEZ Chicago Public Radio. She died of ovarian cancer on March 13, 2017 at the age of 51.

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From the bestselling creators of Duck! Rabbit!, an exciting tale of self-discovery! He stood out here. He stood out there. He tried everything to be more like them. It's not easy being seen. Especially when you're NOT like everyone else. Especially when what sets you apart is YOU.

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Jackie isn't like her sister, Susan. Jackie likes to get dirty and play in mud and hunt for bugs. Her sister, Susan, likes to play dress up and pretend she is a princess. Jackie starts to discover the differences between her and her sister and realize that she would rather be known as Jack as compared to Jackie. Being known as Jack feels more like her.

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In this heartwarming picture book, a big sister realizes that her little sister, Jackie, doesn't like dresses or fairies-she likes ties and bugs! Will she and her family be able to accept that Jackie identifies more as "Jack"?

Susan thinks her little sister Jackie has the best giggle! She can't wait for Jackie to get older so they can do all sorts of things like play forest fairies and be explorers together. But as Jackie grows, she doesn't want to play those games. She wants to play with mud and be a super bug! Jackie also doesn't like dresses or her long hair, and she would rather be called Jack.

Readers will love this sweet story about change and acceptance. This book is published in partnership with GLAAD to accelerate LGBTQ inclusivity and acceptance.

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Jack (Not Jackie) [Silverman, Erica, Hatam, Holly] on Amazon.com. *FREE* shipping on qualifying offers. Jack (Not Jackie)

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In, My Shadow is Pink, it talks about self acceptance and gender identity. The little boy in the story realizes that he doesn't like boy things and would rather play with girls and do dress up, and put on makeup. The main character gets help from his dad who explains that everyone has a shadow that they are trying to hide from the world. The boy realizes that he doesn't want to hide who he is.

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My Shadow Is Pink [Stuart, Scott] on Amazon.com. *FREE* shipping on qualifying offers. My Shadow Is Pink

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1. Who do you think YOU are? What makes YOU special and why?
2. Should people pretend to be something they're not? Why?
3. How can you be supportive of people trying to understand their own self?

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In this video, it shows a cat named Sora who goes on a self-discovery journey. With the help of her friends, she finds herself and realizes who she wants to be. It can sometimes be a hard and long journey trying to find yourself, it is so important to find supportive friends and family to help.

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Mofy - Sora's Journey | A Cat's Story of Self Discovery

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This video talks about how to find your own character traits. It helps you realize what makes you special and what to look for when you are trying to understand yourself. The video encourages children to think positively and think about the traits that make them unique.

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Build Your Tree - Learn about your character traits | Self-esteem for kids

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In this blog post, it is intended for teachers to help support their students going through self-identity process. It provides several lesson ideas to use with your students to help support them and encourage them to be theirselves.

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Your personal identity refers to who you are as a human being. It gives you support and it guides your way when making important and less important choices in life. Everyone develops his or her identity at a young age. But developing a personal identity isn't always an easy quest. A lot of students struggle with finding out who they really are and what really matters to them as a person. Even more importantly, school has a huge impact on the development of a student's self-identity.

Katja Schipperheijn talks about identity development in her new bookDigital Citizens. In this blog post, I will share lesson ideas on self-identity from this book. I'll show you how you can encourage your students to speak for themselves and to be open about who they are, and you'll learn how to help them discover their self-identity and self-image.

The teacher's role in finding a student's self-identity

Every aspect of the life of a student plays its own role in identity development. It's important to keep a clear mind and to follow up on a student to lead them in the right direction, without deciding what kind of person that students should be.

As a teacher, you can teach your students the right and wrongs in the world, but never impose a biased opinion. Figuring out what opinion they have and how students interact with certain topics are a huge part of discovering out their self-identity.

That is, if they have their own opinion. It's very common that students just don't really know what they stand for. These students often follow the stream and collapse under peer-pressure. That's why helping students find their self-identity is very important.

Lesson idea 1

Finding out what a student stands for is part of finding self-identity. What opinion a student has and how they react on certain topics reflects a personality immediately.

Gather around in a circle and ask your students to find a small object that represents them. Put a bottle or tall object in the middle of the circle. Now bring out different statements about common and light topics. Students now have to place their object in the area before them. They can place it in front of their feet, or place it next to the bottle in the middle. They can also place it somewhere in between.

Here's an example:

"It's easy to talk to new people and get to know them." If the student finds it very easy, they have to place their object next to the bottle in the middle. If that student finds it very hard, they have to place their object right in front of their feet. Of course, the student can also place it somewhere in between.

As a teacher, you'll see that the objects of your students are in different positions. You can quickly distinguish student personalities from each other. You can also bring up topics like bullying, discrimination, climate change, politics, and so on to spark a discussion and find out about your students' opinions. It's very important to state that everyone has their right on an own opinion. Ask your students to elaborate on their move regarding a particular statement.

Developing a basic self-identity - Who Am I?

When we ask young primary school students to present themselves and say who they are, they often refer to facts. I live there, I have ... siblings, my mom works..., my dad is a..., my pet is.., and so on. Katja Schiperheijn finds this is a missed opportunity, as students don't think about who they really are in this exercise.

Lesson idea 2

Push students to dig deeper. Ask about their interests and expertise. Give them two cards:

One for their interests: whatever they would like to know or do, but can't yet; someone/something they adore and want to know everything about; a country they want to visit desperately.

One for their expertise, something they are really good at.

Let your students write both down on the cards. Start a conversation and let your students explain what they've written down. Then, hang the cards on a classroom wall. Let students look for other cards that might interest them to start a conversation. Let them open up to other students by talking about their interests with each other. If your students need help, they can look at the expertise cards and ask that particular student to lend a hand.

The impact of Social Media on a student's self-identity

To encourage a student developing a self-identity we must take into account that social media doesn't make things easier. We live in a society that rewards having digital friends, and we would go through great lengths to get more and more and more. Having Instagram followers and Facebook likes nowadays directly aligns with being popular or not. And yes, students value that more than they value themselves. So it's hard to develop a self-identity in a world with identities you think you know or that are "filtered".

This is an important lesson to teach your students. A discussion that needs to be held. How much do they value digital and social acceptance over being themselves? Who is the real person behind that social page? And how can you reflect it on your social page?

As Social media plays a huge role in our students' lives, we might as well include it in our lessons. Teach them how to digitally profile themselves in an honest way. Debate on what "an honest social profile" actually means.

Lesson idea 3

Let your students introduce themselves, online, in 250 characters. It's harder than you'd think. There are a lot of online learning environments on which students need to create a profile. If you don't have a safe environment like that, just use little cards that are drafted to look like an Instagram profile or another social platform.

Your students have to present themselves as unique as they are. Why would anyone want to be friends with them? What would it mean to have that student as a friend? Look at it as making a profile for a dating website. They'd want to present themselves in the best way possible without overdoing to avoid disappointments.

Lesson idea 4

Think about how photoshop and photo filters on social media distort a person's true image. Those filters can make students think that they're not as beautiful as others.

When you teach your students at an early age that filters are unrealistic (and even funny), your students' self-confidence isn't influenced that much. A way to do this is to browse the internet with your students (in groups) and look for photoshopped pictures and wrongly edited YouTube videos. Then make a top 10 and show it to everyone. Fun guaranteed! Moreover, this exercise sharpens skills for online search.

You can also take pictures in class and let your students edit them by using Snapchat or other image editing app. What about letting your students edit the teacher's profile picture. You get to choose the winner!

Using avatars to reflect self-image

An important of a student's self identity is its self-image. Students need recognition, confirmation, self-confidence and the feeling of being competent and valuable. How students perceive these things reflect directly on their self-image, the image they have about who they are, who they want to be and who they should be.

A student quickly understands the difference between the actual self-image and the ideal self-image. The difference between both images determines a student's self-confidence and wellbeing.

Truth is that it's very hard for everyone to recognize and acknowledge their self-image, even for adults. And as you know, social media doesn't contribute positively to our self-image either: they give an unrealistic image of reality. Perfectionism becomes the new benchmark.

Of course, online media can positively contribute to our self-image as well. Think about using avatars for instance.

Lesson Idea

Start the first lesson of the year by presenting yourself using an avatar that looks just like you. Ask your students to do the same. An avatar reflects the looks of the students, and thus the self-image. In a lot of cases, a student can also choose its avatar's powers.

When students finished creating their avatar, let them talk about it and explain why they decided to give their avatar that particular look. Make sure to moderate the conversation in a positive way and encourage compliments.

Never force a student to show their avatar, and don't mind starting an individual conversation with a student if you see some tension with a student. This lesson brings into the light a lot of emotions and feelings students have about their self image.

5 Avatar creator tools for your classroom

To help you with this activity, here are some free avatar maker apps you can use in your lesson about self-identity or self-image.

If you're curious to see how this looks, here's me:

Bitmoji is integrated into tools such as Snapchat. It shows your Bitmoji in different settings, which makes it even funnier! When creating a Bitmoji or any other avatar, you could use a picture of yourself as help. It's harder than it looks!

As Avatar Maker is a web-based tool, you don't need your smartphone for this, making it easy to get started. Like Bitmoji, it gives you more choices to add details, and has many possibilities.

Avaracha is another web-based avatar creator just like the one above. Your choices in color are rather small, but you should manage to create something that represents yourself, even if it's just a little bit.

If you want to create a fun avatar without having to choose too much, this avatar creator is the best fit. It has limited choices and is configurated in just a few minutes. The fun thing about this tool is that you get to do a personality quiz afterward, and it shows you what kind of person you are. A good activity when you're teaching primary school students about self-identity.

This one is harder to configure, so it's better to use it with some older students. It doesn't have many choices, and that can be an advantage when you see students find it an uncomfortable activity.

Wrap up

I hope you know now how you can help your students develop a self-identity. Let them positively discover their self-image by using avatar apps. Of course, there are many more inspiring things you can do to cope with your students' wellbeing and personalities. If you want to help them express their own emotions check out this post.

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5 Powerful lesson ideas to help students find self-identity

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Your personal identity refers to who you are as a human being. It gives you support and it guides your way when making important and less important choices in life. Everyone develops his or her identity at a young age. But developing a personal identity isn't always an easy quest.

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This article is for anyone who needs advice on what to do with children when they are developing their self-identity. It goes through babies-school aged children and gives advice on how to comfort them and support them through their process.

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Who am I? The words may be small but the question is one of the most significant ones in life. As might be expected, this fundamental aspect of being human begins construction in infancy.

A person may understand who he or she is from many different perspectives. Those perspectives, too, can be seen in very young children.

I Am My Physical Self

Because very young children are so sensory driven, one of the earliest facets of their identity to develop is their awareness of their physical self-their own body.

Babies seem quite fascinated by playing with their own hands and feet, alternately touching, moving, and looking at them. This feedback helps them identify their own body, especially when they compare the sensations with touching someone else. Touching their own arm feels different than touching someone else's arm. Repeatedly, they move and notice how their bodies feel. As they gain new physical abilities-crawling, climbing, walking-they have more data to add to their understanding of their own physical bodies.

Seeing their own image becomes more and more interesting as well, as babies gradually come to understand the image they see is them. Scientists tell us that before their first birthday, most babies react differently to a video of themselves than to a video of another familiar person. Soon after, they can distinguish between themselves and someone else's image in a mirror.

By 2 years old, children have gathered enough information about their physical selves that they can identify themselves in photographs. At the same time, babies and toddlers are also gathering information about other people as separate from themselves, constantly making comparisons between their own bodies and images and the bodies and images of others. These comparisons help them gain a growing understanding of the distinction between self and others.

I Am What I Can Do

Closely related to "myself as my body" is "myself as my abilities." The first 3 years of a child's life are packed with learning and mastering new physical abilities. Young children seem to get a great deal of satisfaction practicing their new abilities for the pure enjoyment of it. They also, however, quickly pick up on the enthusiasm and pleasure familiar adults often express toward achieving early physical milestones. "Look at me!" soon becomes a regular expression in toddlers' vocabulary as they share their growing understanding of themselves as achievers.

Young children's motor skills are not the only abilities they celebrate. For example, after babies start vocalizing, they seem just as fascinated with the sounds they can make as the movements they can make. They experiment with different kinds of vocalizations and with how loud they can make them! It's just another kind of information that tells them more about their physical selves and the control they are gaining over their bodies.

These physical attributes and abilities make up a large portion of young children's perception of themselves. Even older preschoolers, when asked to talk about themselves, focus almost exclusively on what they look like, what they like to play with, and what they physically can do.

I Am What Others Say I Am

The physical self is not the only aspect of self very young children are constructing. During their first 3 years, children are also learning about their own and others' internal selves-abstract attributes of themselves and other people that are mental, emotional, or aspects of their personality. The sense of self each young child is building also includes abstract labels and descriptions applied to them by other people.

Names

One of the first abstract labels young children attach to their identity is their name. Personal names are a great example of aspects of our identity we learn from other people. A baby learns that this special word somehow uniquely represents her because of the unique way her closest adults use it around her. After many, many repetitions, in many different situations, the label becomes attached to her understanding of who she is. (It also explains why she is so confused and even angry when she learns another person has her same name!)

Descriptive Words

But names are just the beginning. Every time an adult makes comments to a child that include descriptive words about what he is like-whether positive, negative, or neutral-it provides additional data that are added to his mental structure of who he is. If we give that statement serious thought, it should give caring adults pause and motivate us to be more aware of our language toward young children. Notice how many of our descriptions are framed in terms of traits (i.e., who they are) versus behavior (i.e., what they do).

This is important because, just like with a name, if repeated enough, adults' descriptions or labels of children's traits- who they are-become part of their self-image, a part that becomes more and more ingrained over time, and understood as something that can't be changed and that they have no control over. When we attach a description to their behavior, on the other hand-to what they do rather than who they are- children build a sense of control over that part of themselves. They learn that they can change their behavior, make different choices, and see different results. Psychologists call this perspective having a sense of agency and consider it a very important aspect of a positive, healthy development of self.

Shared Memories

Another way young children learn to think about themselves is through the memories others share with them. It's called the remembered self by child development experts and is the internal picture, or model, children construct over time based on the personal stories and memories of events that they have been part of that adults recall with them. Have you ever noticed how much toddlers and preschoolers love seeing pictures of themselves when they were babies and hearing stories about when they were younger? Their fascination reflects their growing understanding of their own history. When Grandma pulls out her grandson's family picture album and looks through the pictures one by one, describing him and what was happening in each photo he is in, she is helping him build a narrative-a story of who he is within the context of his family. When he goes to school and he looks at the photos of last week's field trip to the pumpkin farm, he is building a story of who he is, what he has done, and where he belongs in relation to his educator and classmates.

He is recounting memories that form his autobiography-his remembered self. These personal stories and memories help him understand himself in the contexts of relationships and experiences, which will become an increasingly important factor shaping how he thinks and feels about himself in the years to come.

The remembered self in the context of relationships is one example of the interplay between a child's sense of self and sense of belonging to a group. A child's developing sense of who she is, is shaped in part by the groups-family, classroom, and others-to which she belongs. On the other hand, the person she is also influences the relationships she builds and the group as a whole. The sense of one's individual self and the sense of belonging to a group are both important to nurture.

I Am My Connections to People, Places, and Things

Another aspect of young children's sense of self is the emergence of a sense of ownership of people, places, and things, especially those they have strong emotional connections to ( see section Toddler Property Laws). As anyone who has been around toddlers for long knows, they begin to take personal ownership very seriously! Although their frequent claims of "MINE!" can be annoying to adults, it may help to remember that the concept of personal possession stems from a very healthy, normal advancement in their understanding of self. To even have the idea an object belongs to me (and not you!), I first must have an understanding of myself as a person who is separate from others and who can want, have, give, and take objects.

This strong sense of connection to people, places, and things can create struggles in a group setting where there are people (e.g., educators), places (e.g., play areas), and things (e.g., toys) that "belong" to everyone, mixed together with people (e.g., parents), places (e.g., cots and cubbies), and things (e.g., personal clothing, sleepy toys, bottles) that belong only to one child.

Shared ownership is a really tough concept for young children, especially in Western cultures where personal ownership is a pervasive value, and communal, shared ownership isn't as common as in some other cultures. For some children it can be even more difficult. Circumstances that cause frequent changes in living arrangements or a traumatic event that results in a significant loss of possessions will affect a child's relationship to possessions, making sharing an inappropriate demand of the child for the time being.

The challenge of knowing how to help motivate young children to share people and things when appropriate is a real one for educators. For all of us, our connections to emotionally significant people and things are an important part of who we are. Infants and toddlers are only beginning the process of trying to make sense of the strong attachment they feel toward certain people and things and to understand what and who belong to them versus what and who are shared.

In each of these facets of identity, educators play a big role in infants' and toddlers' growing sense of who they are ( see section Identity, Self-Esteem, and Belonging in Early Education Settings). Understanding them can help educators be more intentional and positive in that role.

For more information about the ZERO TO THREE Critical Competencies for Infant-Toddler Educators and related suite of products and services, click here.

Toddler Property Laws

If I like it, it's mine.
If it's in my hand, it's mine.
If I can take it from you, it's mine.
If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.
If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.
If I'm doing or building something, all the pieces are mine.
If it looks just like mine, it is mine.
(Author Unknown)

Identity, Self-Esteem, and Belonging in Early Education Settings
Editor's note: The following is a conversation with ZERO TO THREE Board Member Ross Thompson, excerpted from video included in the ZERO TO THREE Critical Competencies for Infant-Toddler EducatorsTM Course Curriculum, module SE-6: Promoting Children's Sense of Self and Belonging.
It's remarkable the effect that an early educator can have on a baby's or toddler's sense of self. And all of this is conveyed implicitly of course, because it doesn't matter that you might say to a baby "you are a wonderful child" but rather it is your sense of pleasure in what you are doing and in who they are-it is your almost embarrassingly enthusiastic response to what they are showing you and what they have accomplished. It is that sense of confidence you have as you are working alongside them as they are trying to get through a tough situation that conveys that you are utterly confident that they can succeed. And if they don't succeed, that you are also there to help. Children at this very early stage are absorbing implicitly a sense of themselves by how educators act in relation to them, and with them and along side them, in relationship with them.

Self-Esteem

We know that young children are developing a sense of themselves as it is reflected in how they are relating to people who matter to them. Years ago a famous psychologist talked about this as being "the looking-glass self," the mirrored self, where you see who you are by how others perceive you. It is the reflection of their evaluation that children take into themselves and incorporate into their sense of who they are. And this begins very early. It begins in how a parent or care provider applauds their accomplishments and contributes to a sense of pride, or criticizes the child's behavior and contributes to a sense of guilt. But that may also turn into shame, and shame being not just "what I have done is inappropriate" but "who I am is unacceptable." So how parents and caregivers are communicating their own sense of a child to the child themselves, and how that is being incorporated into their own self-esteem is really important. In our research we have found that a child's sense of self at 5 years old was predicted by how their parents were interacting with them or relating to them a year earlier. A child who had a secure attachment to their parent at 4 years old had a very positive sense of self at 5. On the other hand, a parent who was reporting a lot of stress or depressive symptomology at 4, that child had a more negative sense of self at age 5.

Belonging

One of the remarkable experiences of a baby or toddler in an early education setting is that now they are part of more groups than the family. They are part of a play group, a classroom group, where they are connected to other adults and to other children. And it's easy to miss the signs of that baby's or toddler's sense of connecting to these other partners unless you know what to look for. Part of the looking for it is recognizing that they are enthusiastic and excited to be there. Parents will talk about getting ready for a tearful goodbye but the child is already heading off to the play group to join their friends. We can see it in the ways that babies will play in a more complex way with children they know compared to children they don't know, reminding us of how the familiarity of a partner helps to establish a framework or the groundwork for the child to play in more complex and sophisticated ways. Of course it's also reflected in the inquiries that toddlers make about the experience of their peers. So if a child becomes distressed, for example, a toddler may, with their limited vocabulary, or maybe even with a sign, ask why is that child crying? A baby will often cease what they are doing and show what we call "concerned attention" where their face sobers up and they are attentively still to that other child's distress, so already that connection, that sense of being a part of a group is set in place.

Ross Thompson, PhD, is distinguished professor of psychology at the University of California, Davis, and is director of the Social & Emotional Development Lab. He is past president of the ZERO TO THREE Board of Directors. He has served twice as associate editor of Child Development, was a Senior National Institute of Mental Health Fellow in Law and Psychology at Stanford University in 1989-1990, and served on the Committee on Integrating the Science of Early Childhood Development (1998-2000) and the Committee on the Science of Children Birth to Age 8 (2013-2015) of the National Research Council/Institute of Medicine.

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Who am I? Developing a Sense of Self and Belonging

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This article, reprinted from the January 2019 issue of the ZERO TO THREE Journal, is an excerpt from the ZERO TO THREE Critical Competencies for Infant-Toddler Educators™ Course Curriculum, Module SE-6: Promoting Children's Sense of Self and Belonging.

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1. Have students take a picture of themselves. (might need a friend to take one of them) and print out the pictures. When printed, give each student their picture and have them write out on a digital graph like google docs or seesaw the positive things they notice about themself.
2. After they come up with a list of things they see, have them dive deeper and write down their qualities, what makes them special, talents, hobbies, etc.
3. Have them put the paper with all those positive things on their pictures and have students share in the class.
4. Have students notice the differences between everyone and note how they all have similarities and differences. They all belong there and all bring something new to the classroom.