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The updated and expanded 2nd edition of the Superflex® Curriculum and storybook is an award winner!

If you're looking for a highly engaging social learning curriculum that teaches social observation, social awareness, perspective taking, flexible thinking, and self-regulation, you've come to the right place! Our best-selling Superflex Series is where to start to help children ages 5-10+ learn how to make sense of our complex social world and then figure out how to best navigate within it to meet their social goals.

The Superflex Series features two fun, cohesive curricula & supplementary materials for teaching social communication and problem solving to children in K-5 classrooms and other instructional tiers. Students first learn how to become Social Detectives who observe what's going on around them, read social situations, and interpret clues. They then learn about flexible thinking and self-regulation through Superflex, our very popular motivational tool that empowers them to explore their social strengths and challenges and learn strategies for adapting more flexibly to social situations and taking control of their thinking to manage their challenges to meet their goals.

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If you're looking for a highly engaging social emotional learning curriculum that teaches social observation, social awareness, perspective taking, flexible thinking, and self-regulation, you've come to the right place!

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We Are Indigenous: Big Worries, Strong Spirit

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We Are Indigenous: Big Worries, Strong Spirit

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Big Worries – Confident Parents: Thriving Kids

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Parenting After Separation Courses for Indigenous Families (free)

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Parenting After Separation Courses for Indigenous Families (free)

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Parenting After Separation For Indigenous Families | Province of British Columbia

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ABOUT Parenting After Separation for Indigenous Families is free. The purpose of this course is to provide information to parents, guardians and other family members who are dealing with family issues as a result of a separation or divorce. Issues might include guardianship, parenting arrangements, contact, child support and spousal support.

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Parenting After Separation Courses (free)

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Parenting After Separation Courses (free)

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Overview
This course was developed for parents and family members who are experiencing separation or divorce and need to sort out issues like parenting time and child support. Course Lessons
In this course, the topics covered include: Parent’s Experience of Separation Children’s Experience of Separation and Loss Positive Co-Parenting After Separation Domestic

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A few weeks ago, I had the terrific fortune of getting to present some of the bullying prevention work that I do to a group of children at a local bookstore. As if interacting with smiling, exuberant young people was not gift enough, a reporter also attended the event a wrote a lovely article about my book and the work I do with kids, parents, educators, and youth care professionals. All in all, it was dream publicity and since then, has sparked many conversations with people in my town who saw my photo in the newspaper and immediately related to the examples of bullying that were discussed.

I have been brought to tears more than once since the article ran, while listening to parents share their feelings of outrage and helplessness over their kids' experiences with bullying in school. One gifted but socially awkward middle school student blew me away with his articulate, poised, yet searingly painful accounts of relentless physical and verbal bullying on his school bus. An elementary school-aged girl described how she had to learn to shed her Australian accent within a month of entering U.S. schools because of how she was shunned by her classmates. The commonness of it all routinely astounds me with every new account; the pervasive cruelty makes my jaw drop every time.

It is important for me to begin this article by establishing that without doubt, many of the stories of bullying that are shared with me are horrifying and some are unspeakably cruel. But now, I also want to be honest and share that some of the stories are...well...really not so bad.

Take this story recently shared with me by an acquaintance who read about my professional work:

"Signe, I saw your picture in the paper last week. Congratulations! I didn't know you worked with bullied students. It's so important that you do- things have gotten so bad! Last week, my daughter was bullied really badly after school! She was getting off of her bus when this kid from our neighborhood threw a fist-full of leaves right in her face! When she got home, she still had leaves in the hood of her coat. It's just awful! I don't know what to do about these bullies."
"Was she very upset when she got home?" I empathized. "No. She just brushed the leaves off and told me they were having fun together," she said. "Oh," I answered knowingly, aware that oftentimes kids try to downplay victimization by bullies from their parents, due to the embarrassment and shame they feel. "Did you get the sense she was covering for the boy?" "No, no. She really seemed to think it was fun. She said that she threw leaves back at him, which I told her never to do again! The nerve of those kids." "Those 'kids,'" I clarified. "Was it just the one boy throwing leaves or were there a bunch of kids all ganging up on her?" "No, it was just this one boy that lives about a block from us," she assured me. "Is he usually mean to her? Has he bothered her after school before?" I asked, eager at this point to figure out what the bullying issue was. "No. I don't think so at least. That was the first time she ever said anything about him. It was definitely the first time that I noticed the leaves all over her coat. But it better be the last time! I won't stand for her being bullied by that kid. Next time, I am going to make sure the Principal knows what is going on after school lets out!"
While I always want to be careful not to minimize anyone's experience (it's the social worker in me!) and a part of me suspects that the sharing of this particular story may have been simply this parent's spontaneous way of making conversation with me in a store aisle, I hear these "alarming" (read: benign) stories often enough to conclude that there is a real need to draw a distinction between behavior that is rude, behavior that is mean, and behavior that is characteristic of bullying. I first heard bestselling children's author, Trudy Ludwig, talk about these distinguishing terms and, finding them so helpful, have gone on to use them as follows.
Rude = Inadvertently saying or doing something that hurts someone else.
A particular relative of mine (whose name it would be rude of me to mention) often looks my curly red hair up and down before inquiring in a sweet tone, "Have you ever thought about coloring your hair?" or, "I think you look so much more sophisticated when you straighten your hair, Signe." This doting family member thinks she is helping me. The rest of the people in the room cringe at her boldness and I am left to wonder if being a brunette would suit me. Her comments can sting, but remembering that they come from a place of love-in her mind-helps me to remember what to do with the advice.

From kids, rudeness might look more like burping in someone's face, jumping ahead in line, bragging about achieving the highest grade, or even throwing a crushed up pile of leaves in someone's face. On their own, any of these behaviors could appear as elements of bullying, but when looked at in context, incidents of rudeness are usually spontaneous, unplanned inconsideration, based on thoughtlessness, poor manners, or narcissism, but not meant to actually hurt someone.
Mean = Purposefully saying or doing something to hurt someone once (or maybe twice).
The main distinction between "rude" and "mean" behavior has to do with intention; while rudeness is often unintentional, mean behavior very much aims to hurt or depreciate someone. Kids are mean to each other when they criticize clothing, appearance, intelligence, coolness, or just about anything else they can find to denigrate. Meanness also sounds like words spoken in anger-impulsive cruelty that is often regretted in short order. Very often, mean behavior in kids is motivated by angry feelings and/or the misguided goal of propping themselves up in comparison to the person they are putting down. Commonly, meanness in kids sounds an awful lot like:

"Are you seriously wearing that sweater again? Didn't you just wear it, like, last week? Get a life."

"You are so fat/ugly/stupid/gay."

"I hate you!"

Make no mistake; mean behaviors can wound deeply and adults can make a huge difference in the lives of young people when they hold kids accountable for being mean. Yet, meanness is different from bullying in important ways that should be understood and differentiated when it comes to intervention.
Bullying = Intentionally aggressive behavior, repeated over time, that involves an imbalance of power.
Experts agree that bullying entails three key elements: an intent to harm, a power imbalance, and repeated acts or threats of aggressive behavior. Kids who bully say or do something intentionally hurtful to others and they keep doing it, with no sense of regret or remorse-even when targets of bullying show or express their hurt or tell the aggressors to stop.

Bullying may be physical, verbal, relational, or carried out via technology:

Physical aggression was once the gold standard of bullying-the "sticks and stones" that made adults in charge stand up and take notice. This kind of bullying includes hitting, punching, kicking, spitting, tripping, hair-pulling, slamming a child into a locker, and a range of other behaviors that involve physical aggression.

Verbal aggression is what our parents used to advise us to "just ignore." We now know that despite the old adage, words and threats can, indeed, hurt and can even cause profound, lasting harm.

Relational aggression is a form of bullying in which kids use their friendship-or the threat of taking their friendship away-to hurt someone. Social exclusion, shunning, hazing, and rumor spreading are all forms of this pervasive type of bullying that can be especially beguiling and crushing to kids.

Cyberbullying is a specific form of bullying that involves technology. According to Hinduja and Patchin of the Cyberbullying Research Center, it is the "willful and repeated harm inflicted through the use of computers, cell phones, and other electronic devices." Notably, the likelihood of repeated harm is especially high with cyberbullying because electronic messages can be accessed by multiple parties, resulting in repeated exposure and repeated harm.

So, why is it so important to make the distinction between rude, mean, and bullying? Can't I just let parents share with me stories about their kids?

Here's the thing; in our culture of 24/7 news cycles and social media sound bytes, we have a better opportunity than ever before to bring attention to important issues. In the last few years, Americans have collectively paid attention to the issue of bullying like never before; millions of school children have been given a voice, 49 states in the U.S. have passed anti-bullying legislation, and thousands of adults have been trained in important strategies to keep kids safe and dignified in schools and communities. These are significant achievements.

At the same time, however, I have already begun to see that gratuitous references to bullying are creating a bit of a "little boy who cried wolf" phenomena. In other words, if kids and parents improperly classify rudeness and mean behavior as bullying-whether to simply make conversation or to bring attention to their short-term discomfort-we all run the risk of becoming so sick and tired of hearing the word that this actual life-and-death issue among young people loses its urgency as quickly as it rose to prominence.

It is important to distinguish between rude, mean, and bullying so that teachers, school administrators, police, youth workers, parents, and kids all know what to pay attention to and when to intervene. As we have heard too often in the news, a child's life may depend on a non-jaded adult's ability to discern between rudeness at the bus stop and life-altering bullying.
Signe Whitson, LSW is a national educator on bullying and author of three books includling Friendship & Other Weapons: Group Activities to Help Young Girls Cope with Bullying

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Is It Rude, Is It Mean, Or Is It Bullying?

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Why we all must learn to distinguish between rude, mean, and bullying behaviors.

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Learn how play helps your child develop a variety of social, emotional, physical, creative, cognitive, and communication skills

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BC's Office of the Human Rights Commissioner

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I love my human rights - BC’s Office of the Human Rights Commissioner

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Our “I love my human rights” project uses video storytelling as a tool to help personalize complex human rights concepts and encourage empathy and action.

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Last updated: March 11, 2019

Information

Everyone has a sexual orientation and gender identity (SOGI). It's an inclusive term that applies to everyone, whether they identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, two-spirit, heterosexual or cisgender (identifying with the same gender that one was assigned at birth).

It's important for schools to be inclusive and safe spaces for students of all sexual orientations and gender identities. Being SOGI-inclusive means:

Speaking about SOGI in a way that makes every student feel like they belong

Not limiting a person's potential based on their biological sex and how they understand or express their gender

Welcoming everyone without discrimination, regardless of their sexual orientation or gender identity

B.C. schools and school districts have found the following methods are helping reduce discrimination and risky behaviours among all students:

This improves the school climate for LGBTQ and heterosexual students by reducing discrimination and harassment.

There is no "SOGI curriculum." However, throughout K-12 curriculum and school activities, students and teachers explore the topic of human rights and:

What it means to value diversity and respect differences

How to respond to discrimination

Teachers may include discussions around the B.C. Human Rights Code, sexual orientation and gender identity.

SOGI 1 2 3 is a resource that supports educators in addressing these topics in the provincial curriculum. It helps schools create safe, caring and inclusive learning environments for all students regardless of their race, culture, religion, sexual orientation or gender identity and expression. Educators are not required to use this resource.

Take action

If you or a friend is experiencing discrimination or harassment related to sexual orientation or gender identity

Get involved in supporting each other

Help build a safe and supportive environment by joining or creating a Gender and Sexuality Alliance (GSA) at your school. These clubs can provide a safe place for students to meet, support each other and talk about issues related to sexual orientation and gender identity.

If you're a parent who has questions

SOGI-inclusive education means having conversations about diversity and learning the importance of treating everyone with dignity and respect. Find out more about why this topic is important, check out what your child will be learning at school, and see how you can support this education at home.

Resources

Use lesson plans, online learning modules, templates and tools designed to help teach concepts related to sexual orientation and gender identity.

SOGI 1 2 3
SOGI 1 2 3 learning resources have been formally evaluated by the BC Educational Resource Acquisition Consortium (ERAC) as age-appropriate, and aligned with the provincial curriculum and evidence-based educational approaches

SOGI-Inclusive Education Myth Busting (PDF)

Find out what SOGI-inclusive education looks like in B.C. schools.

Learn about gender identity and how to support healthy gender development

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erase| Sexual Orientation & Gender Identity (SOGI)

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Everyone has a sexual orientation and gender identity (SOGI). It's an inclusive term that applies to everyone, whether they identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, two-spirit, heterosexual or cisgender

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SOGI 1 2 3 helps educators make schools inclusive and safe for students of all sexual orientations and gender identities (SOGI). At a SOGI-inclusive school, students' gender does not limit their interests and opportunities, and their sexual orientation and how they understand and express their gender are welcomed without discrimination.

Where to
Begin

We are currently in Western Canada and looking to grow. Change will come if we work together. Learn more and find your role.

For
Educators

Learn what's happening in your province and download resources. There is a dedicated SOGI 1 2 3 website for educators in each participating province, with resources for creating inclusive policies, learning environments, and lesson plans.

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SOGI 1 2 3 helps educators make schools inclusive and safe for students of all sexual orientations and gender identities (SOGI). At a SOGI-inclusive school, students' gender does not limit their interests and opportunities, and their sexual orientation and how they understand and express their gender are welcomed without discrimination.

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Educators at the St. Croix River Education District have devoted countless hours to creating and developing, and we are proud to allow other districts to freely use the curriculumto benefit students. Be Good People I f you are interested, we ask that you please complete the sign up form and then read our FAQs (below) to find out how to receive updates and share feedback.

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Social Emotional Learning - Be Good People Curriculum

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Educators at the St. Croix River Education District have devoted countless hours to creating and developing, and we are proud to allow other districts to freely use the curriculumto benefit students. Be Good People I f you are interested, we ask that you please complete the sign up form and then read our FAQs (below) to find out how to receive updates and share feedback.

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Whether it's a dispute over who is out during a heated game on the playground or a deeper clash of values or personalities, any educator knows that conflict between students is normal inside and outside of the classroom.

Assisting students in resolving conflicts with peers is an important aspect of classroom management-but solving the problem for students, rather than assisting students in resolving problems on their own, can prevent the development of vital conflict-resolution and problem-solving skills.

Equipping children with these skills as early as possible is crucial and key to their interpersonal success moving forward, explains Carolyn Coffey, a preschool teacher at Educare New Orleans.

"We're teaching them the right way to respond to conflicts, to use self-control and calm themselves," she says. "If we wait until they get to fourth grade or even middle school, they've already learned in practice what they're going to do in order to resolve something... and it might not be the best way."

Many teachers like Coffey have found creative ways to help students identify big emotions, self-regulate, and resolve interpersonal conflicts on their own. We asked educators to share what these activities look like in their classrooms.

1. How big is my problem?: To help children understand the different sizes of problems they may encounter, including how to assess conflicts with other children, teachers at Lister Elementary School in Tacoma, Washington, have students think proportionally about their emotions.

Students actively discuss the kinds of issues they face and also fill out a big versus little problems worksheet using real-life examples. Different types of problems are written down on pieces of paper-from losing your homework to a relative being in the hospital-and students place them into categories based on the size.

"We talked about the different sizes of problems, going from one being the smallest up to five being something that's major that affects lots of people and takes a long time to solve," says fourth-grade teacher Anna Parker. "If I start throwing things and screaming because someone took my pencil, that is an unexpected behavior based on the size of that problem."
Courtesy of Modesto City Schools
2. A pathway to peace: At elementary schools in the Modesto City School District, students can utilize a six-step Peace Path to navigate their own conflicts. The actual path is generally spray-painted or hand-painted onto an asphalt concrete surface with markings for where each student can place their feet. While standing across from each other on opposite sides of the path, students progress through the path answering a sequence of questions aloud: What is the problem? How do you feel? How do you think the other party feels? Collaboratively, with adult supervision, students discuss solutions and agree on a plan to move forward amicably.

"At the elementary level, problems can exist anywhere," says Associate Superintendent of Student Support Services Mark Herbst. "In situations where [students] need to engage in problem-solving, they will go to the Peace Path, and in some cases-depending on the students and [their familiarity] with the process-they're asked to do it independently."

3. Pros and cons, 2.0: Bolstering students' ability to assess their options and examine a range of alternatives-and possible consequences-leads to better, less impulsive choices while navigating conflicts.

Filling out a decision matrix helps students model empathic thinking, providing them with a framework to think about the costs and benefits of their behavior. "Students can weigh options and evaluate the impact (pros and cons) on themselves and others using a simple point system, with positive numbers for pros and negative ones for cons," educational coach Jorge Valenzuela explains.
Courtesy of Jorge Valenzuela
For example: a student may face a decision about teasing a classmate, determining whether to be an ally to the victim or participate in the bullying. If the student can't see any positive outcomes to a course of action, it receives zero points. The student then looks at possible negative outcomes for the action-like hurt feelings or punitive consequences for anyone involved-and subtracts one point for each.

"After tallying their numbers, the decision with the highest score can be deemed the most responsible one," Valenzuela says. While an actual decision matrix is not always handy when on the playground, the method, once learned, can be quickly used to assess the options in a potential conflict.

4. Turning problems into opportunities: At the beginning of class, eighth-grade English teacher Cathleen Beachboard has her students write down a problem or issue they are having on a sticky note. While the strategy can be used for any type of issue-academic or interpersonal-it's applicable to conflict management as well. After being paired with a classmate, each student has one minute to talk about their problem, and their assigned partner can make suggestions on how to solve it.

Students participate in this activity every three to four weeks to help relieve their stress and practice problem-solving. Beachboard says it also shows students that she cares about their well-being and "allows students to see that sometimes you have to go to others with problems for a new perspective."

5. Practicing conflict: Engaging students with hypothetical conflict scenarios or group role-playing provides them with an opportunity to practice their response to real-life conflict. They can weigh the benefits and drawbacks of each option before they make a choice, says English teacher Sean Cooke, and do so in a low-stakes environment. An additional benefit: Students gain an appreciation for the opinions of their peers and are pushed to be more creative in determining how to best solve a problem they may face.

"By seeing others model thinking that differs from their own but that leads to a solution which satisfies their own interests, students learn to accept that there is more than one way to skin a cat, so to speak," he says.

6. A shift in perspective: Educator Neil Finney asks, "if you were me (the teacher), how would you handle this?" to facilitate conversations between students that, he says, produce longer-lasting resolutions to conflicts.

"Seeing the issue from an outside perspective, in this case through the eyes of the teacher, can allow the student to temporarily disassociate from her own behavior choice," he says.

Asking students to talk through the thinking of another-a practice called scripted empathy - may result in an awkward silence at first, but Finney counsels patience, suggesting that teachers wait at least 10 seconds for students to process the question, employ their empathy, and construct a response.

7. A little help from my friends: At Mid-Pacific Elementary School in Hawaii, fifth-grade students are trained in the art of peer mediation. Then, as part of the Peace Team, they're available to help third- and fourth-graders mediate problems that arise on the school campus. If a member of the Peace Team sees a potential conflict, they will approach the students and ask if they'd like to go to peer mediation. Students can also request peer mediation as long as all parties are willing to engage.

Students are escorted to a quiet area on campus set aside for these conversations, and under adult supervision the resolution process begins. This can sometimes take a few minutes or spread out over the course of several days, depending on the conflict, says Principal Edna Hussey. Two students arguing over an "unfair call" in a playground game of Four Square, for example, could agree that a redo would be a simple solution.

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7 Ways to Teach Kids to Manage Their Own Conflicts

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Strengthening students' capacity to evaluate their problems and consider a number of solutions leads to better, less impulsive conflict resolution.

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In my line of work, many of my students tend to be a little dramatic. Even minor problems get treated like an emergency- screaming, crying, throwing things, etc. Because that is not an appropriate response to most life situations, I work with my kids on scaling emotions and problems.

During an actual meltdown or crisis situation, I find it best to utilize grounding techniques because it's hard to get a verbal response from a screaming 5-year-old. When my students have calmed down or during their next individual session, we'll talk about the size of the problem, and how they could have responded differently. Scaling is a great intervention for problem-solving and emotional regulation. With my students, I ask them to scale their emotions and problems on a daily basis, so they can also identify and recognize milder emotions and minor problems.

Scaling Problems

In a child's mind, very small problems can seem very big. In the case of some of my students, they have very big problems at home and a little disruption at school is very upsetting.

For me, it's important to acknowledge the problem but also have my students identify the problem and an appropriate response.

One of my students, in particular, loves to talk to me in the hallway when he's supposed to be waiting quietly in line with the rest of his class. Once a day- without fail-I would hear him yelling for me, running towards me, and waving his arms:

"Ms. E! Ms. E, I need to talk to you! Right now!"

Usually, whatever problem he was having that day did not need to be discussed at that particular moment. As we started scaling problems, I started asking him:

"Is it an emergency? A level 5? Because the screaming and running in the hallway tells me that there's an emergency situation right now."

At first, he would always respond with "Yes, it's an emergency! I have to talk to you right now!"

However, as we've worked through, scaling emotions and problem-solving, he has learned that he doesn't need to speak with me every time he sees my in the hallway and can identify an actual emergency. Now, he will at least start with saying that his problem is a size 4; whereas, his problems used to always be an 11 on a 5-point scale.

Because I'm all about sharing resources, SC Social Work Counseling has a FREE PDF poster for scaling problems on Teachers pay Teachers. Even though I love this PDF, I wanted something a little bit bigger for my office, so I took the elements of this poster and made my own poster board.

Scaling Emotions

At the beginning of the year, I started with my feelings bulletin board, and I've added to it as I've continued discussions with my students. At this point, I've started teaching my kids to identify emotions and how they react in certain situations. Check out my blog post on identifying emotions. Also, I have developed my own Feelings Jenga game to help reinforce my lessons on emotions.

As we've progressed on this topic, I'm now introducing different levels of those basic feelings using paint chips.

Fear (purple)

Disgusted (green)

Anger (red)

Note: Since my clients frequently show their disgust and anger for certain situations, the higher levels of those emotions are omitted, like loathing and enraged. On my poster, I wanted the bottom of the scale to be very low for these two emotions, so that we could also work on identifying triggers for these emotions by looking at what situations are irritating or boring.

Scaling Emotions and Problems

As your students start to see how their feelings affect their problem solving, these two things become intertwined. When I start to see a situation starting to escalate, I try to be quick to respond.

Typical Scaling Conversation:

Me: "What is the size of this problem?"

Me: "Are you in physical danger?"

C: "No, but I'm mad!"

Me: I get that. Is someone else in physical danger?

C: No!

Me: What's the issue then?

C: Ms. Smith said I have silent lunch but everyone else was talking too!

Me: That is upsetting, but I think we need to take a few deep breathes and talk about it. (It depends on the day to whether or not he will agree to take a deep breath.) What's the real size of this problem?

C: It's a 1. Shouldn't be an issue (3rd grade sarcasm, usually with finger quotation marks)

Me: No, it is an upsetting problem. A level 1 problem is just a glitch, and this is more than a glitch. It's not an emergency though, but I would be upset too if I had to sit at the silent lunch table.

C: A 3?

Me: I would agree with that. It's a medium size problem, and you feel awful and sad about it. It's okay to frown and feel sad that you don't get to sit with your friends, but it's not okay to tell your teacher that you're not going to do it. So, maybe during your next session, we can talk about avoiding this situation again.

C: Okay. (still pouting, but not screaming or slamming his chair.)

Not only did we scale the problem and the emotions that he was feeling, it also gave me a few minutes to help him calm down before entering the cafeteria. Was he happy about the situation? No, but he shouldn't be. There was a consequence for his earlier behavior, but his reaction was an overblown reaction to that problem.

Any other suggestions for scaling emotions or problems? Or additional thoughts? Leave them in the comments!

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Scaling Emotions and Problem Solving with Kids - Unseen Footprints

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In my line of work, many of my students tend to be a little dramatic. Even minor problems get treated like an emergency- screaming, crying, throwing things, etc.

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Registered Clinical Counsellor Shannon Husk

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Consent Is a Vital Topic to Teach

Education Week published its special report " 10 BIG Ideas in Education " to identify the most pressing challenges facing education. Consent is named among those top issues for 2019.

What is it about the topic of teaching kids about consent that earns it a place among the most urgent issues for schools?

Far too many young people are being sexually abused or assaulted by age 18: one in four girls and one in six boys.

Education is about preparing young people for adult life, but most high school students say they feel inadequately prepared for taking on adult relationships.

Current events have revealed the widespread incidences and consequences of people violating others' boundaries.

Clearly, whatever we've been doing is not working.

Some Teachers Are Teaching Lessons on Consent

While asking for permission and respecting the answer is not usually a required part of the school's curriculum, many teachers are convinced that it is an important skill for students to learn and have developed strategies and activities to teach consent. Children are aware of the current events that have involved violations, and they have questions.

Many sex education curricula include lessons that teach about consent in romantic relationships or related to sexual situations. These lessons in teaching consent to middle schoolers and upper elementary happen when students are learning what sex is. To be most effective, we need to begin teaching consent much earlier. We can do that by teaching consent to elementary students when they ask for permission before they borrow a possession or touch someone. Some teachers have figured out how to teach consent, even before kids are ready to learn about sex. Read about one teacher's strategy.

Part of teaching consent includes helping children learn what to do if someone violates their boundaries. Adults can encourage children to always tell a trusted adult if someone does something without their permission, or if someone might cause damage or harm. This is called "reporting," not "tattling." Reporting can save lives.

So, What We Can Do to Be More Effective?

1. Start earlier. Consent can be taught long before students are ready to learn about sexual consent. You can teach consent activities to elementary students, preschoolers, and younger children without referencing sex. Children can first learn how to ask for permission in the context of sharing possessions and personal body space. These lessons begin at birth.

2. Be specific. Use correct terms for body parts and functions. Doing so removes the stigma and shame from talking about bodies. It also allows children to report body space violations, sexual abuse, and sexual assault in a clear and accurate way so adults can understand. When we teach children to use slang or pet names for their body parts, we hamper their ability to communicate clearly.

3. Teach verbal and nonverbal communication. Communication is vital to teaching consent. Communication about giving or denying permission includes the words we say, such as "Yes" or "No." However, nonverbal communication, such as gestures, facial expressions, and body movements, are even more communicative. Children need to be specifically taught how to use and interpret both forms of communication. Then, they need to practice listening to the words and interpreting the nonverbal cues in order to be consent literate.

4. Teach listening and speaking. Consent involves asking, answering, listening, and responding respectfully. Children need to be taught and encouraged to practice all four steps if it is going to work. Adults can be consistent in requiring children to ask for permission before borrowing someone's possession or touching someone. Practice makes perfect.

5. Be that trusted adult. When children come to adults, it is important that they are taken seriously. Adults, listen and believe what children say. Adults can support children in using their words to say what they want or don't want. Avoid telling children not to "tattle." Instead, encourage children to "report" the situations that make them uncomfortable or might result in damage or harm.

6. Model consent. Whether borrowing a possession or giving a hug, adults need to be the first to ask for permission. This is the most powerful way to teach the importance of consent in respectful relationships.

Resources for Parents and Teachers

updated 2023-1-29

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Teaching Consent Lessons to Young Children - Puberty Curriculum

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Education Week published its special report " 10 BIG Ideas in Education " to identify the most pressing challenges facing education. Consent is named among those top issues for 2019. What is it about the topic of teaching kids about consent that earns it a place among the most urgent issues for schools?

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" The talk", the birds and the bees....and consent. Consent is an integral part of any sex education, and more than that, it's a critical non-intimate life skill. But where do you start? And when? Can young kids learn consent? How do you make it not so awkward to talk about?

We believe it's never too early to start teaching consent, and we have tips for how to incorporate these skills into daily life at every age.
What is Consent?
Consent has become a more common word in our society since the #MeToo movement in 2017. In its simplest form, consent is an agreement that something - usually something sexual - is OK with both parties. Consent is generally thought of as an adult issue, so parents can find it challenging to think about teaching it to their children.

Oftentimes, consent is expressed verbally as a "yes", but it's much more than just that. You may hear the terms "affirmative consent" or "enthusiastic consent" meaning each person audibly and willingly (without coercion) agrees to participate.

But consent can also look like:

Ensuring both parties are of sound mind to give consent, meaning they are not under the influence, and they are intellectually able to consent to the act. Children are never able to consent to sex.

Making sure there is no coercion or pressuring either party to consent.

Considering authority or power dynamics that may make someone feel unable to object.

Understanding that consent is ongoing, and either party can change their mind at any time.

How to Talk to Kids About Consent

Understandably, you might feel uncomfortable talking with your children, especially if they are young, about sexual abuse. Certainly, any conversation with children needs to be age appropriate and aimed to educate and empower them - not scare them.

The great news is that consent is an easy topic to incorporate into your daily life and doesn't require you to jump right in to those heavier topics. Think of teaching consent like building a strong foundation - one that you can start with babies and grow as your child ages. By the time your kids are ready for more in-depth talks, they'll already have a great understanding of consent to build on.

Talking to Young Kids About Consent

Before these little ones are ready to learn about sexual violence or even have access to the Internet, you can teach consent with simple acts of respect for themselves and others. Here are four ways you can teach consent to even the youngest kids.

1. Model consent for them.
They say actions speak louder than words, and long before kids can understand what we're teaching them, they learn by watching. By practicing consent with our partners, friends, and children, we can model what consent should look like to those ever-watchful eyes.
2. Give them bodily autonomy.
Obviously, kids can't have a choice in everything they do - they have to brush their teeth, for example. But there are plenty of opportunities to give kids agency over the daily choices that affect their body. When we give kids the ability to choose, we teach them an essential skill that they can carry into their interactions when we're not around.

An easy way to do this is asking if it's OK to hug or kiss kids rather than just doing it (and not coercing them into physical affection with others), and respecting a "no" that may follow. You can also incorporate this idea in your daily routine by giving options like, "Would you like to wear the yellow or blue shirt today?" and "We need to brush your teeth. Would you like to do it, or would you like me to help?"

3. Teach kids to trust their bodies.
Our bodies are powerful tools in alerting us to something that's not right. Teaching kids to recognize and listen to the way they feel in their body builds confidence in their instincts and empowers them to trust those feelings later in life.

Talk to kids about warning signs they may feel - tightness in the chest, upset stomach, uneasiness - and that those feelings shouldn't be ignored. Make sure they know they can always voice those confusing feelings to you and ask for help sorting through those feelings and making decisions.

4. Give them empowering language and opportunities to use it.
Start with the basics here - body parts are not dirty words. Teach your kids the anatomically correct names of their body parts so they are both educated and empowered to use them when appropriate.

Along those same lines, give your kids the opportunity to say "no" when appropriate. Teach them it's ok to say no to a hug from their grandma if they don't want to be touched, and no to their friends if they don't want to play the game everyone is playing. Empowering your kids with the ability to say no to small things will build the confidence they need to say no to bigger things in the future.

You can also download our Body Safety Rules PRINTABLE here.
Talking to Tweens and Teens About Consent
At this age, hormones are racing and kids may be ready to explore dating - or at least probably have more of an interest in their first crush. As such, they're probably ready for more serious conversations about boundaries and consent in a sexual context.

The great news is that as you lay the foundation of consent in the early years, more serious conversations about sexual violence, online safety and predation are easier to have.

Here are four ways you can continue teaching consent as kids get older.

1. Teach them that consent is both given and received.
Now that you've laid the foundation of teaching kids to give their consent, they also need to learn to receive consent from the other person. Teach them to ask questions like, "Is this OK?" and "May I kiss you?" and "Are you feeling comfortable?"

Teach them to look for body language, not just the words that are spoken, and to handle rejection with empathy, respecting when someone says no.

2. Turn awkward moments into teaching opportunities.
Growing up your parents probably did one of two things when a racy scene came on in a movie - fast forwarded past it like it wasn't happening, or suffered through it in awkward silence. But what if we used those moments to talk to our kids about what they're seeing and hearing?

There are plenty of popular songs and movies that our kids will inevitably encounter that send positive and negative messages about sex, risky behaviors, and consent. If you're watching a movie with your kids and one of these scenes come up, use that time to discuss what's being done right, and what the characters should do regarding consent.

3. Talk about digital consent.
The reality is that our kids are spending more time online than any generation prior. From apps, to games, social media, and even homework - much of their life occurs online. That's why it's critical to teach kids that consent extends beyond the screen. This can look like not posting photos of someone online without their permission, not tagging friends at a location without their consent, or not sharing private conversations or intimate details or photos online without a go ahead from the other person.

It's also important to teach kids that they have the power to give consent in their online interactions. Teach them they can say no to conversations that make them uncomfortable and to sending or receiving photos or videos. Empower them to decline friend requests from people they don't know in real life. Teaching kids to extend and receive consent in their online activities is critically important to protecting them from online sexual predators.

4. Believe and advocate for them.
Finally, and maybe most importantly, believe and advocate for kids when they share concerns or abuse with you. When we believe kids, it teaches them to trust you and their own instincts. It also encourages them to believe others' stories.

Ask if they need or want intervention. This might mean talking to a family member, coach, or teacher - or in some cases, helping a child navigate the legal system.

Rather than having "the talk" with your kids, think of teaching consent as an ongoing dialogue that spans their entire lives. Consent isn't a one-time thing, and it's never too early to start. It's a million small conversations and daily actions that can help them feel safe in their own body, and respect the sanctity of someone else's.

For more information on Child Rescue Coalition and how to keep kids safe online, visit www.childrescuecoalition.org. And read more posts like this on our education page.
Don't forget you can like us on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter for more helpful online safety tips and news on latest arrests!

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Growing Kids and Boundaries: Teaching Consent By Age and Stage - Child Rescue Coalition

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" The talk", the birds and the bees....and consent. Consent is an integral part of any sex education, and more than that, it's a critical non-intimate life skill. But where do you start? And when? Can young kids learn consent? How do you make it not so awkward to talk about?

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Strategies for educators on how to talk to your students about respecting one another's boundaries - from preschool to high school.

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Safe Secure Kids offers free resources and online learning experiences for caregivers, parents, teachers, and other adults to use with elementary-aged children.

Help prevent child sexual abuse

Encourage adults to communicate with kids to respect their bodies and boundaries

Teach kids about consent, respect, and communication.

SafeSecureKids.org is temporarily unavailable while we work on transferring the website to a new host. Thank you for your patience. In the meantime, please take a look at the resources we have listed below.

Keeping Kids Safe Online (PDF)

Guide to Talking to Your Children About Consent (PDF)
Safe Secure Kids Youtube Channel
Coloring Page (PDF)

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Safe Secure Kids offers free resources and online learning experiences for caregivers, parents, teachers, and other adults to use with elementary-aged children.

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​Our children live in a highly sexualized society where they are exposed to sexual language, images, and behaviors before they are developmentally prepared to handle them. Kids didn't "ask" for hormones at age 12, but they are stuck learning how to handle their changing bodies and urges in a society that shows them "yes" but tells them "not now."

Don't discredit love. Understand the importance of romantic attachments in a teenager's life and the intensely strong feelings that they generate, even if your definition and perspective of love differ from your child's.

Don't abstain from educating your own children. If you don't educate them, someone else will. They learn from behaviors and attitudes modeled by other adults, from the media and popular culture, and certainly from peers. Stand up and let your own views be counted as part of their sex education.

Talk about sex early and often. They don't always hear you. They may not always believe you. They often don't remember, especially if they weren't ready to hear you. (But they are often listening when they are pretending not to be.)

Avoid sexuality conversations that are all "don'ts." Parents often recount that they speak to their teens often about sex. Yet generally those conversations are all about the "don'ts."

It's don't, don't, don't.But what gets left out are the "do's." What can they do to be sexually healthy with a partner that they care about? How can they decide whether a partner is interested in them as a person or just as a potential sex partner? What ways can they address peer or partner pressure to be sexual when they don't feel they are ready? These topics need to be part and parcel of any discussion of healthy sexuality. Give them some things they can do!

Right time, right place. Provide accurate information in developmental context. Meet them where they are. A young child asking, "What does sex mean?" may wonder what the teacher meant when she said, "line up by sex" for recess. Find out exactly what the question is, then try to give an honest answer that meets that need.

Be real. Dispel myths and rumors. Provide accurate information. Use simple language, but respect their intelligence and curiosity. Above all, avoid talking down to children and teens about sex.

Empower your children. Let them know they deserve to feel honored in their relationships, to have their own space, to keep their friends, to include their family, and to feel good about who they are. Teach them to expect a give-and-take, but that, in the end, a good relationship helps you to be more of who you already are and feel even better about it.

Set positive expectations. Let your children know they deserve to have great sex. Discussing what's good about sex will help them to have positive standards by which to judge sexual experiences. Help your kids know why sex is worth waiting for and give them some realistic guidance about how they will know when it might be worth moving forward.

Use the media (the good, bad, and the ugly). Use topics presented in daily media sources and popular teen culture as springboards for theoretical conversations about sex and relationships. Avoid proclamations and judgments, even about fictional characters; your children will anticipate your reacting to them in the same way should they ever be in that situation. Consider role-playing through a situation presented on TV as collaborative, nonjudgmental thought processing; it will provide insight into your child's view of the world and give you the opportunity to offer your ideas for them to reflect on.

Live by example. If you have a good relationship, let your children know it. Let them witness you and your partner having a disagreement and working it out; let them see you kiss and make up.

Teaching kids about sex doesn't mean parenting without values. Acknowledging sexuality is not the same as condoning or giving permission to have sex. Helping their children understand that sexual thoughts and feelings are normal gives parents the opportunity to follow up with conversations about how (and from what) to be abstinent as well as how to regulate their impulses and urges. It opens the door to continued conversation about how to be safe and responsible when their adolescents begin to engage in intimate physical or sexual activities.

You have 2 ears and 1 mouth. Listen more than you talk. Be the sounding board that helps developing teens come to their own good decision about their sexual behaviors. Engaging kids in conversation about sexuality goes much further toward developing independent decision-making than lecturing about what they "should" and "shouldn't" do.

Ask, don't tell. Find out what your child is thinking when talking about their relationships or sexual experiences. What does it mean to have a boyfriend or girlfriend at what age? Listen to what it means to the teen at that time. The teen's level of understanding and participation may actually be appropriate for her developmental level. Understand, don't judge. It is also helpful to talk about her friends and her relationships. Teens can be more chatty about their friends than about themselves, but listening to what their friends are doing will offer insight into how your teen herself feels.

Don't ask too many questions, or you won't get any information at all. Provide a respectful place for sharing what she is willing to share (excitement of first love, feeling valued, wanted, desired by someone else in a very different, intensely intimate way).

Keep it generic. Being willing to speak in generalities allows conversations about difficult subjects like sex to move forward without getting anyone too uncomfortable. Let your children know that you know of people that had certain experiences when they were younger, that you have been in difficult situations or know others who have been, and that you're not afraid to discuss those things on some level. Avoid interrogating your teen about what exactly they did or didn't do sexually; you don't want them to demand details about your love life, either. Keeping things on a surface level gives permission to continue the discussion over a greater breadth (and possibly depth) of topics and allow you to communicate more honestly about sex in ways that may very well be helpful one day.

Adolescence is for practice. The teenage years are great for learning about relationships. What is the difference between a crush and real love? Between a "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" and a friend who is a boy or a girl? What belongs on Facebook and what doesn't? How does he treat you when you're alone compared to when your friends or parents are around? Does she keep a confidence or tell all her friends about it the next day? Without a few battle scars, how will we know a good relationship when we see it? On the other hand, major mistakes that change our lives (like disease or unintended pregnancy) are best avoided.

Things that are hard are not without value. Help your teen learn from his or her mistakes. The goal is to learn to develop and maintain healthy relationship skills. Protecting your children from every trauma may not bring the message home, as well as the lessons learned from experiencing a broken heart themselves.

Beware of the "D" word. Children fear disappointing their parents more than just about anything else in the world. While you should let children know when their behavior is dangerous or wrong, be very clear that there is nothing they could ever do that would make you stop loving them. Reassure them that after your blood pressure comes down, you still want what's best for them and you will see they find help when they need it. Avoid getting into situations where their fear of your disappointment or anger keeps them from coming to you when they need you the most.

Be clear that safety is nonnegotiable. Think about your bottom-line priorities for your children. Chances are nothing matters more to you than their safety. Be very clear, and repeat often, that nothing matters more than knowing they are going to be okay. Establish a code word they can use to get your attention and help when they need to get out of a potentially dangerous or uncomfortable situation. Set a standard for protecting themselves from disease and unwanted pregnancy regardless of whether you agree with their decision-making about sex. Make sure that they know they can come to you for help if something goes wrong.

Find a surrogate. Talking about sex is difficult. When necessary, identify and encourage them to ask for help from other trusted adults; it doesn't always have to be you.

Build your own toolkit. Create a list of Web resources about sexuality that you believe offer sound information and advice. Consider keeping books at home that support your values about sexuality while providing accurate information. Find resources in your community, such as clinics, hotlines, therapeutic specialists, and support groups, in case you or your children need more help.

Edited by Kenneth R. Ginsburg, MD, MS Ed, FAAP, FSAHM and Sara B. Kinsman, MD, PhD

Reaching Teens: Strength-based Communication Strategies to Build Resilience and Support Healthy Adolescent Development (Copyright © 2014 American Academy of Pediatrics)

The information contained on this Web site should not be used as a substitute for the medical care and advice of your pediatrician. There may be variations in treatment that your pediatrician may recommend based on individual facts and circumstances.

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​Our children live in a highly sexualized society where they are exposed to sexual language, images, and behaviors before they are developmentally prepared to handle them. Kids didn't "ask" for hormones at age 12, but they are stuck learning how to handle their changing bodies and urges in a society that shows them "yes" but tells them "not now."

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The truth is we are all surviving parenting one day at a time. Add child anxiety or childhood OCD and it can be overwhelming! On The AT Parenting Survival Podcast your host Natasha Daniels will ride the Parental roller coaster with you. She will teach you parenting approaches to help child anxiety and OCD, she'll give you a new perspective on common parenting problems and will re-invigorate your sparkle for parenting.
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The truth is we are all surviving parenting one day at a time. Add child anxiety or childhood OCD and it can be overwhelming! On The AT Parenting Survival Podcast your host Natasha Daniels will ride the Parental roller coaster with you. She will teach you parenting approaches to help child anxiety and OCD, she'll give you a new perspective on common parenting problems and will re-invigorate your sparkle for parenting.
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‎The truth is we are all surviving parenting one day at a time. Add child anxiety or childhood OCD and it can be overwhelming! On The AT Parenting Survival Podcast your host Natasha Daniels will ride the Parental roller coaster with you. She will teach you parenting approaches to help child anxiety a...

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Gender Spectacular was founded in 2015 to address the gap in services for parents and caregivers of trans, non-binary, Two-Spirit and gender diverse children and youth. We are a grassroots group and do not currently receive funding.

Our mission is to provide a gender affirming, non-judgemental, and caring space for parents and caregivers to build community with one another, learn about supporting gender diverse children, share resources, and create space for caregivers to share openly about the challenges and joys they experience parenting young gender diverse people.

Location: Oaklands Community Association, 2827 Belmont Ave #1, Victoria

Time: Monthly meeting. Please contact us for exact date/time.

What to expect: **MOVING TO IN-PERSON MEETINGS THIS FALL** Come meet parents, caregivers, and close adult family members of trans, gender non-conforming, and Two-Spirit children and youth. This group is facilitated by trans adults who have extensive background working with trans children, youth, and parents and caregivers.

Contact: support@genderspectacular.com
A big thank you to Oaklands Community Association for their support and in-kind donation of space!
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We committed ourselves over 20 years ago to child and youth mental health and our commitment has only grown over time. Exceptional care and caring is what children, youth and families deserve and it's what we stay committed to.
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FamilySmart® supports young people, families and professionals in order to enhance the quality of experiences and services for child & youth mental health.

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Surveys show that the number one battleground for families is technology. Our virtual programs bring parents and leaders together to go through an expert-guided curriculum, have honest conversations, and create a plan for healthy screen use.

Today's parents feel pressure to be "experts" to stay ahead of their kids' tech use. And when they get behind? It can be easy to give up. Our podcast, blog, and social media feeds offer bite-sized, practical tips that parents can use to help them make steady changes to their families' digital health-and we love it when you chime in!

Coaches, educators, healthcare providers and community leaders alike are asking the question: Where do we start? These downloadable tools and perspectives can be shared to spark a conversation about digital health in your community or organization.

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Surveys show that the number one battleground for families is technology. Our virtual programs bring parents and leaders together to go through an expert-guided curriculum, have honest conversations, and create a plan for healthy screen use. Today's parents feel pressure to be "experts" to stay ahead of their kids' tech use.

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M.I. Understanding – Building empathy and understanding of childhood mental health

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Henry & Leslie (A Children's Story About Confidence and Self-Love) kids #bullying podcast

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Connecting with BC Children's Hospital/Kelty Mental Health

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Connecting with BC Children's Hospital/Kelty Mental Health

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The BC Children's Kelty Mental Health Resource Centre provide mental health and substance use information, resources, and peer support to families across BC, with a child or youth up to the age of 24. All of our services are free of charge.

Contact information

Phone: 604-875-2084 or toll-free from anywhere in BC: 1-800-665-1822

Email: keltycentre@cw.bc.ca

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In-person: The Kelty Centre is now open again for families who would like to come in person. You can either contact the Kelty Centre by phone or email to schedule a time to come by, or drop-in during our hours of operation.

Kelty Mental Health Resource Centre
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Room P3-302, 3rd Floor, 4500 Oak Street
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We are open Monday to Friday 9:30 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. (note: we are closed on statutory holidays)

What we offer:

Peer support from FamilySmart Parent Peer Support workers - learn more about peer support at the Kelty Centre.

Information and resources on a wide range of mental health and substance use challenges affecting children and youth, as well as how to support your child's mental-wellbeing.

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Learn more about what the Kelty Centre offers, as well as our background and partners, here.

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The BC Children's Kelty Mental Health Resource Centre provide mental health and substance use information, resources, and peer support to families across BC, with a child or youth up to the age of 24. All of our services are free of charge.

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BC Children's Hospital Keeping Tech in Check

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BC Children's Hospital Keeping Tech in Check

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MediaSmarts is a Canadian not-for-profit charitable organization for digital and media literacy. This site helps to provide information for children and youth have the critical thinking skills to engage with media as active and informed digital citizens.

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MediaSmarts is a Canadian not-for-profit charitable organization for digital and media literacy. This site helps to provide information for children and youth have the critical thinking skills to engage with media as active and informed digital citizens.

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BC Children's Hospital Rolling with ADHD

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BC Children's Hospital Rolling with ADHD

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Dr. Murray works in the ADHD Clinic at B.C Children’s Hospital and in private practice. Dr. Murray has published research articles and reviews on ADHD. She is frequently an invited guest speaker at provincial and national conferences on ADHD.  Dr. Murray lives in Vancouver, B.C with her husband, two children, and two cats. The program is much less effective with cats than children.

She has greatly benefitted from practicing those tools on her family first… although she’s not sure yet if they appreciate it!

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Home Rolling with ADHD – Healthy Minds Learning

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Dr. Murray works in the ADHD Clinic at B.C Children’s Hospital and in private practice. Dr. Murray has published research articles and reviews on ADHD. She is frequently an invited guest speaker at provincial and national conferences on ADHD. Dr. Murray lives in Vancouver, B.C with her husband, two…

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Andrew was the best reader in his class. The New York City first grader was two levels ahead and devoured every chapter book he could get his hands on. But Andrew couldn't ice skate a lick. On a class trip to a local rink, he was embarrassed as other kids whizzed by. After shuffling along the sideboards and falling down a few times, he melted into the ice and sobbed.

Yet a funny thing happened to Andrew (not his real name) the next few times his family hit the rink. He fell down again and again, but each time he picked himself up. Now in second grade, Andrew is the one racing down the ice, and he loves the sport as much as he does reading.

"His frustration was as painful for me as it was for him," says his mom. "But overcoming it was a remarkable moment for him, one that I remind him about when he is feeling frustrated in other areas. Now he has firsthand experience that the most rewarding achievements are the ones that don't come easily."

Bouncing back from failure turns out to be one of the best lessons a kid can learn. In fact, according to Angela Duckworth, Ph.D., a psychologist at the University of Pennsylvania, that skill (along with certain other character traits she calls "grit") matters more to a child's ability to reach his full potential than intelligence, skill, or even grades.

"The idea that kids have to get straight A's in everything and to take advanced classes is misguided," says Duckworth.

Duckworth has been studying the role character plays in success since 2005. She's followed adults, West Point cadets, National Spelling Bee champions, and students at elite universities. In every case, she found that grit, not intelligence or academic achievement, was the most reliable predictor of a positive outcome. The kids who won the spelling bee weren't necessarily smarter than their peers; they just worked a whole lot harder at studying words.

Unlike IQ, which is relatively fixed, grit is something everyone can develop. Sure, some kids are naturally more gritty than others, but there's plenty you can do to help your child develop the stick-to-itiveness that will help him succeed in whatever he wants to pursue.

Follow our advice and get ready to watch your kid race ahead!

Put a challenge in front of him.

True achievement happens when people bust through boundaries and barriers. If your child never has a chance to triumph over something difficult, she may never develop confidence in her ability to confront a challenge. Taking risks is an important way kids learn.

Teach It: Give your child the opportunity to pursue at least one difficult thing, suggests Duckworth. "It has to be something that requires discipline to practice," she says. The actual activity doesn't matter as much as the effort; Duckworth's youngest child tried track, piano, and ballet before settling on gymnastics. "She couldn't do a cartwheel at first, and had a lot of anxiety about it. Eventually, she got over the anxiety barrier and now she likes them so much that she literally does cartwheels two hours a day." Encouraging kids to try new things gives them a chance to prove they can do anything.

Many of us hold on to the idea that skill comes naturally: that if we're good-or not good-at something, it's because we were born that

way. The problem with this belief is that it leads many kids to give up on things. Plus, it's simply not true. Even naturally gifted people have

to work hard to hone their ability with hours of practice.

Teach It: Try one of Duckworth's family rules: Don't Quit on a Bad Day. Giving up the second things get frustrating means you might miss out on something really great-like eventually scoring that winning goal or hearing the roar of applause after a performance. So Duckworth insists that her two girls, ages 9 and 11, follow through on all activities until the end of the season or session. If they choose not to sign up again, so be it. What matters is that they push through the discomfort that's a natural part of the learning process.

No one wants to be that mom, the one who pushes her child every step of the way. But it's OK to let your kids know that you expect them to do their best and to create a structure that will help them do it. When Jill Gawrych's 10-year-old daughter came home from school excited about the number of laps she'd run during gym, the Jackson, WI, mom asked how the other kids did. "That's when I realized that she ran only about half as many," says Gawrych. "It turns

out that she ran with a friend to keep her company, which is fine, but we ended up talking about how someone else's best isn't always yours."

Teach It: Simply sharing what the expectations are, like Gawrych did, is the first step. But when your child is learning any new skill, athletic, musical, or otherwise, nudging also means scheduling-and insisting on-practice times. "I haven't yet heard of a kid who is completely self-winding," Duckworth says. There's nothing wrong with setting aside a daily practice time. Your child will probably still whine about it, but if you're consistent, the complaints should decrease over time, and your child may even begin to appreciate the benefits later on (OK, maybe much later on!).

Welcome boredom and frustration.

Success rarely occurs on the first try. In fact, there's usually a pretty long road peppered with all sort of bumps and potholes to navigate along the way. Being confused, frustrated, and sometimes completely bored out of your mind is part of the journey. And when kids understand that learning isn't supposed to be easy all the time-and that having a tough time doesn't mean they're stupid-perseverance comes easier.

Teach It: Instead of jumping in with a solution when your child hits a roadblock, see if she can come up with a way around it on her own. Say she's struggling to build a school project. Resist every urge to do it for her. Then if it's clear she's at a loss, talk her through the problem: "It looks like you're really having a hard time getting that roof to stay in place. What do you think might work instead?" Help her to think through what the steps might be instead of telling her what they are. "It's so much more powerful for a child to be able to deal with adversity and overcome it," says Paul Tough, author of How Children Succeed. "What the child takes from that experience is, 'Hey, I can solve things.'"

Let him fall - and model resilience.

Being able to pick himself up from low moments is probably the most important skill a child can learn. Sarah McCoy's oldest son was devastated when he didn't do well in a chess tournament. The Eugene, OR, mom tried bucking him up, but eventually just gave him time to feel his negative emotions. "Later, I told him, 'Chess is mostly a game of skill, but it's also somewhat a game of chance,'" McCoy says. "I reminded him that it's possible to be smart and accomplished, and still lose."

Teach It: Share your own struggles. Kids learn from the adults around them, so if you want your children to handle setbacks with grace, model calm and determination in the face of yours. "Lots of parents don't want to talk about their failures in front of their kids, but that's denying kids the potentially powerful experience of seeing their parents bounce back," Tough says. "If they see that adults can mess up and then come back and solve a problem, that's an important example they can use." McCoy takes this advice to heart and reminds her kids all the time that failure is nothing to be afraid of. "All of the most successful people in the world will tell you that it's about trying again for the 112th time," she says. "When you give up after a failure, you never get anywhere."

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The Power of Defeat: How to Raise a Kid With Grit

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Want to build a kid who has the strength, character, and drive to succeed in school and in life? Let him fail.

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Angela Duckworth's TED Talk on "grit" as one of the most important predictors of success went massively viral in 2013. Her 2016 book Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance was an instant New York Times bestseller.

By now, Duckworth's concept has made its way into national education policy and public schools in California even grade schools and students on grit.

But despite grit's prevalence, Duckworth says the concept is often misunderstood. Duckworth's definition of grit is "passion and perseverance toward long-term goals," but she says people often overlook the passion part.

Perseverance and especially passion may sound unteachable but they aren't. It just takes time and consistency. Repeat the following activities with your child to help them develop their inner grittiness, putting them on the path to happiness and success.

Before you continue, we thought you might like to download our FREE When I Feel Worried Poster. Use this popular printable to make a plan with your child for when their worry shows up. Your child will have a list of their own coping strategies to calm their worry and anxiety.

1. Help Your Child Find Purpose

A study by psychology researchers including Dr. Carol Dweck and Dr. David Yeager indicates students are more motivated to succeed when they have a core purpose.

The study involved brief online interventions, including asking students to write how the world could be a better place, reading stories about how performing in school could help students positively impact the world, and having students think about their own dreams and how their education could help them achieve their goals.

As students developed the belief they could achieve purpose in life, they grew more motivated and performed better academically. They were also more likely to persist toward a degree.

You can help your child develop grit (both passion and perseverance) by discussing their goals and purpose in life. Then talk about the steps required in order for your child to reach their goal.

If your child is younger, try a simpler, more engaging approach like a dream board. Also called vision boards, dream boards are a powerful visualization tool to help kids create and achieve their goals.

On a sheet of poster board, your child posts images or text that reflect their passions, hopes, and goals. Visualizing what they want to achieve will help your child develop a positive mental attitude and focus on their passion and purpose.

Creating a dream board fosters grit because it will help your child celebrate their passions and link those passions to specific goals they would like to achieve. Plus, it's a fun activity for the two of you to do together!

2. Encourage Your Child to Conduct "Grit Interviews"

Children learn pessimism or optimism from the adults in their lives, so providing opportunities for your child to learn from positive resilient adults is key.

Your child can interview grandparents, neighbors, or other acquaintances who have worked hard toward a long-term goal.

These interviews will teach your child how to live life with grit in addition to the benefits that come with passion and perseverance.

You can share your resilience stories with your child as well. It's helpful for kids to understand that even adults can make mistakes, but then try again and ultimately solve a problem or reach a goal.

As your child hears stories about grit from people they admire (including you), they'll want to mirror these values in their own life.

3. Share Stories of Resilient Famous People

Your child can also learn from stories about famous people who used passion and perseverance to reach long-term goals, often with failures or setbacks along the way.

Stories like Michael Jordan not making his Varsity team, or J.K. Rowling's manuscript for Harry Potter being rejected almost a dozen times, will show your child how perseverance through failure can lead to great success.

If any of these famous people had given up when they experienced , they would never have achieved their fame and success. "Luck" is an illusion; success is about hard work and persistence toward something you're passionate about.

4. Teach About Grit Through Nature

We can certainly learn lessons about perseverance from nature. Just think about the Tupac Shakur poem "The Rose That Grew from Concrete."

The poem reads:

You can read this poem with your child to discuss what represents the concrete represents in their lives. What are their obstacles? Next, discuss how your child can "breakthrough concrete" like the rose. What can they do to overcome their obstacles and reach their dreams?

This activity is a fun way to practice components of Gabriele Oettingen's WOOP strategy and help your child develop grit. You can also show your child pictures or real-life examples of the resilience and perseverance of nature, then connect these images to how your child lives their own life.

Be sure to check out our Best Sellers Bundle PDF (ages 5-11). It includes our three most popular printable kits packed with science-based growth mindset activities, guides, and crafts for children. With over 50 pages, this kit will help your children or students understand they have the capacity to learn anything.

5. Teach About Grit Through Literature

Similarly, you can help your child learn about grit by reading relevant books, poems, or short stories.

For instance, read stories of perseverance such as The Little Engine That Could or Chelsea Clinton's She Persisted Around the World: 13 Women Who Changed History.

Use stories like The Hugging Tree: A Story About Resilience by Jill Neimark. It tells the story of a tree that grows alone on a cliff. The tree faces many challenges, but it continues to stand strong, find the positive, and ultimately help others with their own challenges.

These are fun, colorful stories your child will request again and again! As you read these stories, you can also help your child form connections to their own life. Talk about their challenges, their response to failures, and how to live their own life with grit.

Don't forget to download our FREE When I Feel Worried Poster so your child has a list of their own coping strategies to calm anxiety and worry.

6. Ask, "What's the Hard Part?"

When your child feels discouraged or tempted to give up, try asking them, "What's the hard part?"- Parenting blogger

Once your child has identified what is difficult for them, repeat the information back in your own words. This helps your child identify their biggest challenge, allowing them to break it down into a more manageable task.

After the two of you have identified the challenge, ask your child what they could do to fix or overcome "the hard part." They'll likely arrive at an answer and realize problems can be solved if they persevere and takes the time to think the problems through.

Don't give your child the answer, even if you have to guide them to it.

Helping your child find "the hard part" and navigate a way to overcome the challenge is a powerful way to teach them about grit.

7. Follow the "Hard Thing Rule"

Angela Duckworth teaches grit to her own two daughters using the "Hard Thing Rule." Duckworth's rule has three parts:

1. Each member of the family has to do something hard, "something that requires practice, something where you're going to get feedback telling you how you can get better, and you're going to get right back in there and try again and again."

2. You must finish what you start. Duckworth requires her kids to finish a season, a set of lessons that were signed up for, etc.

3. No one gets to pick the "hard thing" for anyone else, so your child chooses their own challenge.

This is a rule your whole family can follow, holding each other accountable, and setting an example for your child. The "hard thing" can be an instrument, a sport, a subject or area of interest, an activity, and so on.

The "Hard Thing Rule" combines passion (because you choose what to pursue) and perseverance (because you promise to stick with it), and your child will experience success or improvement with something challenging. This will build their confidence and teach them the benefits of grit.

8. Try the "Grit Pie" Exercise

This activity will work best with an older child, but a young child could complete it with guidance.

Amy Lyon, a fifth-grade teacher from New Hampshire, created an entire grit curriculum based on the book The Optimistic Child by Martin Seligman, University of Pennsylvania professor and co-founder of Positive Psychology. Lyon uses the "grit pie" activity with her students to teach optimism and help them become aware of their thoughts.

The pie represents an obstacle the student is facing. Each slice of pie symbolizes a cause of the problem. For each slice, students analyze whether their thoughts about the problem are permanent ("I'll never be good at math") or temporary ("My friend was talking too much and distracting me") and whether they blame themselves ("I should have asked the teacher for help when I didn't understand") or others ("The teacher didn't teach us this material!").

Hopefully, most of your child's problems will be categorized as "temporary" and they'll take at least some responsibility for causing the problem.

Point out these issues are temporary and within your child's control. How can your child make positive changes to resolve them? Completing this activity will show your child the majority of obstacles can be overcome with problem-solving and perseverance.

9. Share Your Passions

Lastly, you can inspire your child to find hobbies and interests they're passionate about by enthusiastically sharing your own passions.

Show your child your excitement about activities outside of working and parenting and devote time to developing these passions. Not only will this make you happier and more fulfilled, but it'll also set a great example for your child about pursuing your passions.

This will also encourage your child to openly share their own passions with you. Be supportive and interested in whatever your child is passionate about, and provide resources to help them explore and develop these interests.

Looking for additional resources to support building grit and resilience in your child? The Build Your Frustration Tolerance Masterclass is a self-paced growth mindset parenting masterclass where you'll learn how to help your child push ahead and persevere instead of quitting or giving up at the slightest setback. You'll get lifetime access so you can go through all the materials at your own pace. Our expert parenting educators will give you specific tools and strategies to raise a child who has the CONFIDENCE AND DETERMINATION to overcome their frustration and persevere.

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9 Activities To Build Grit and Resilience in Children

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Perseverance and especially passion may sound unteachable but they aren't. It just takes time and consistency. Repeat the following activities with your child to help them develop their inner grittiness, putting them on the path to happiness and success.

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Big Life Kids Podcast - a growth mindset podcast for kids

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In each episode, Zara and Leo will travel the world to discover the living heroes that are making a difference in the world today.

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Empowered parenting doesn't mean being "perfect" or knowing all the answers - what matters most is being present, open, and compassionate. While we can't always control the ups and downs of life, we can build on our strengths to give our children the foundations they need to grow and thrive.

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Kelty MH & Neurodevelopmental Challenges

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Kelty MH & Neurodevelopmental Challenges

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Mental Health & Neurodevelopmental Challenges

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Many mental health challenges and disorders can be treated successfully. The best way to prevent mental health challenges from getting worse is to recognize symptoms early and get professional help. With support, children and youth can live to their full potential.

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How We Can Help

Umbrella has been providing mental health and substance use supports to individuals, and their loved ones, since 2000.
Our services include outreach, recovery housing, counselling, groups, harm reduction and education.
Our team meets people wherever they are at in their journey and we provide meaningful support to help them achieve their personal goals.
Together, we can reach recovery.

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Umbrella Society - Substance use issues? We can help.

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Established in Victoria, BC in 2000, Umbrella Society provides you with support you need from people who have experienced your struggle firsthand.

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Pathways | Discovery Youth and Family Services - For anyone directly or indirectly negatively impacted by substance use

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Provides counselling to assist youth and/or their families throughout Vancouver Island to reduce the harms associated with substance use and related issues

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We all talk about stress, but what is it? Stress may feel overwhelming at times, but there are many strategies to help you take control. Suicide may seem like an answer to the emotional or physical pain you are feeling, but there is help available and you can feel better.

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Life happens and all of us will experience difficult times or situations in our lives that may negatively affect our mental health. In order to be ready when a tough situation arises, we need to build up our resiliency.

What is resiliency? Resiliency is the ability to bounce back from tough situations. Despite challenging or stressful experiences, resilient individuals have developed skills to adapt and move forward. Resilience is not a trait that people either have or do not have. Rather, it is built through the combination of supportive relationships, adaptive skill building, and positive experiences.

Protective factors, such as positive relationships, increase mental well-being, while risk factors, such as toxic stress decrease mental well-being. The more protective factors that we have in our life, the stronger our resiliency, and the less risk factors affect our mental health.

There are a variety of factors within the mental health continuum.

Protective factors (dots on the umbrella): increase mental well-being.

Risk factors (rain drops): decrease mental well-being. All of these factors are key topics within mental health.

Toxic stress: Positive childhood experiences, environments and relationships help build strong brain architecture. Experiencing positive stress is an important part of healthy development. All of us must develop strategies to cope effectively with normal levels of stress. Speaking in front of the class, taking exams, going for a job interview or making new friends provide growth opportunities for developing resiliency skills. However, when the body's stress response system remains activated at high levels for a long period of time, toxic stress results.

Trauma: When the body's systems become overwhelmed and are unable to cope with an adverse or extremely challenging experience (toxic stress), it results in trauma. Fortunately, with supportive relationships and caring adults the impact can be prevented, reduced or reversed.

Child abuse: Abuse, also called maltreatment, is the act of emotionally, sexually or deliberately hurting a child physically. It includes depriving a child of affection and acceptance, neglecting to meet their day-to-day needs or endangering them in any way. Abuse also includes sexual exploitation and exposing a child to sexual contact, activity or behavior. You should tell an adult who you trust if you are experiencing or have experienced abuse.

Stigma: Stigma is the result of negative and prejudicial attitudes and behaviours that are expressed by people to those living with a mental health issue or a mental illness. Stigma is destructive. It leaves a mark of shame that makes people feel different and socially excluded, and it makes getting help extremely hard for those who need it. Among youth, the stigma often associated with mental health issues or mental illnesses can lead to teasing and bullying, and in extreme cases, catastrophic outcomes including suicide.

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Building Resilience Life happens and all of us will experience difficult times or situations in our lives that may negatively affect our mental health. In order to be ready when a tough situation arises, we need to build up our resiliency.

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Childhood Trauma and the Brain | UK Trauma Council

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The National Child Traumatic Stress Network

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A trauma-informed child and family service system is one in which all parties involved recognize and respond to the impact of traumatic stress.

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Neurodiversity and social skills instruction

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Neurodiversity and social skills instruction

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Gabrielle Stigant joins Erika Ng to discuss her niche work with neurodivergent females and social skills instruction. She describes some of the differences between males and females who are neurodivergent and how females are sometimes overlooked, but still in need of support.

Interview Highlights:

Gabrielle Stigant is a BCBA who is local to the Vancouver area, British Columbia. Gabrielle specializes in supporting females who are neurodiverse, specifically with social skill development. [0:20]

Gabrielle has been successful in teaching new social skills to a wide variety of clients, including those with a variety of neurodiverse needs such as ADHD, autism, anxiety and depression. [1:35]

Terms: Based on the research and literature, there is no one preferred term to describe autism. Gabrielle will be using various terms such as ' neurodiverse,' 'autistic person' or 'person with autism' [3:36]

Females who are neurodiverse specifically with autism have the same skill deficits or excesses as males, but the deficits tend to be overlooked or not recognized. One of the reasons for this is that people don't expect girls to have autism or the girls who are diagnosed with autism aren't showing the same trademarks as their male counterparts. [4:20]

Girls tend to be more socially motivated than autistic boys, so they find ways to fit in and 'mask' their autistic traits. Many have described it as being like an actor on the stage. [4:52]

For other neurodiverse girls, some struggle with anxiety or ADHD. [5:37]

When Gabrielle was interning and working for a non-for-profit, she had the opportunity with another colleague to create social skills groups. [6:17]

The difference in the female participants versus the male participants. Females wanted to be there. They talked more openly about challenges with friendships. Whereas the boys that were participating were a bit more ambivalent to being there. They wanted to focus more on the activities and less on the conversation piece. [6:56]

Gabrielle had some girls on her caseload that had a similar skill set and were enough to form a group. This was the beginning of their first girls group, five years ago. [7:30]

In person, Gabrielle had two groups running and they were meeting every two weeks. She tends to run on the semester system and each session is two hours long. A lot of the focus was not just on the social piece, but also they did social emotional check-ins, helping to learn to identify and talk about feelings. [8:25]

They would talk about hypothetical problems, friendship problems, relationship problems with parents and even topics like hygiene. [8:47]

They'd even work on executive function skills through making snacks [9:10]

When COVID hit, Gabrielle scrambled and learned quickly how to engage her clients over the internet. The online groups are much smaller. It's a maximum of four children, but it really depends on their skill set and the abilities. [9:23]

Currently, Gabrielle is running multiple groups. She has a unique name for each age group: Girls Group and Sister Squad and her Fairy Friends are her Kindergarten group. She groups the girls partly based on their age, but also based on their interests, communication abilities and skill set. [11:07]

As the girls get older, parents are less involved with organizing. The other challenge is with that piece. Gabrielle noticed with her older kids that executive functioning such as planning and following through requires some support [12:20]

Gabrielle has been organizing and offering some Friday night meetups every once in a while over Zoom so the girls can just chat and hang out together [13:51]

Gabrielle can teach them the skills, but it's really up to them to be motivated in applying and using them. She's not here to tell them what's right or wrong. She's there to provide the perspective-taking and then help them make that decision of what they want to do going forward. [16:21]

Gabrielle does set goals of measure. So there has been an increase in conversing, topical conversations, seeking information from others, sharing personal information. [18:09]

They've done some homework where everybody gets to choose a movie, or a show, whichever is of interest and then each week they go through and rotate. It's an opportunity to expose the girls to different movies that they may not have otherwise watched. It's an exercise in flexibility and following other people's prerogatives and agendas by just trying new activities. [19:11]

Gabrielle's advice to parents who maybe have a girl at home that is neurodiverse in some way and struggling with social skills is the one thing to consider is there's friendship and there's companionship. [22:11]

"Follow your child's interest and find a social connection even if it's ...just building comfort to be with somebody else and having a shared moment." - Gabrielle Stigant

Gabrielle's personal habits that have contributed to her success is that she's able to laugh at her mistakes. She's just trying to be real with them. If she doesn't have the answers, she's honest about that and says, let's figure this out together. [26:09]

Gabrielle's posts information and resources related to social skills and neurodivergent girls on her Instagram and Facebook page. She also has her own website that posts information about the groups that will be upcoming and for registration information. [26:48]

Guest Bio:

Gabrielle Stigant has been working in the field of Applied Behaviour Analysis with children with autism since 2002. She began as a behaviour interventionist and over the years took on more responsibility as a Senior BI, working under the supervision of a number of well-regarded local behaviour consultants. She completed her Masters of Education with a focus in Special Education and Autism at the University of British Columbia. She became a certified Early Start Denver Model (ESDM) therapist to continue my growth in the field of intervention and early development.

She has worked with children with autism between the ages of 15 months to 15 years. Prior to running a private practice, she worked for a non-profit organization which allowed development in a variety of experiences. This included developing and overlooking early intervention programs, consultation services to family and professionals including parent coaching; and developing and facilitating social skill groups and summer camps. She is a Registered Autism Service Provider (RASP) in British Columbia.

Resources from this episode:

Related articles and podcasts:
We're trying out transcribing our podcasts using a software program. Please forgive any typos as the bot isn't correct 100% of the time.
Read the Transcript:

Erika Ng

Welcome to Behavioral Health Collective podcast, a community of behavior analysts who are passionate about sharing our science by connecting families to information that promotes meaningful behavior change. We're a community of practitioners who seek to empower parents by sharing effective behavioral strategies and evidence-based practices from the perspective of behavior science.

Thanks for tuning in I'mErika Ng, the founder of the Behavioral Health Collective. And today I'll be speaking with Gabrielle Stigant who is a BCBA who is local to the Vancouver area. In the lower mainland here in British Columbia. Now Gabrielle specializes in supporting females who are neurodiverse specifically with our social skill development.

And I'm so excited to be sharing her work with you today because she is in such a unique area that can often be overlooked. As someone who works in the school system, I have noticed this, that we tend to focus on really overt, big behaviors and that's when teachers and staff are calling for help because there might be safety concerns, but we also know that there are girls, females out there who are neurodiverse in some way and really struggling socially and that might be leading to further depression or anxiety or other mental health challenges.

So this really is an important area that sometimes can be forgotten or less obvious as a glaring need. Females with various exceptional needs can present differently as we know from their male counterparts, so having interventions that are specific to their needs is really critical to their long-term success.

I'm really looking forward to having her share her insights and perspective to you today, as an expert in this specialized area. Gabrielle has been successful in teaching new social skills to a really wide variety of clients, including those with a variety of neurodiverse needs, such as ADHD, autism, even anxiety and depression.

If you have a neuro-diverse girl in your life, whether that's your daughter or a family member or someone else you work with and support, this episode definitely is for you. Gabrielle highlight the ways she addresses social skills development with females and I'll also speak about her behavior consultation services to families with other behavioral health needs.

Now, I think it was so surprising and exciting about this episode is I didn't have a great deal of idea about what her social skills groups looks like and there are just an amazing outcomes that have come out of her groups of her female client. So without further ado, here's Gabrielle.

Hi Gabrielle, thank you so much for joining me today. I really appreciate it.

Gabrielle Stigant

Oh my pleasure.

Erika Ng

So given the awareness in our field, these days of language. We want to be cognizant of that and I think BCBAs are trying to be more aware of the language that we use and that we work with such a diverse population of people.

Do you want to start off by just speaking to the language that you will be using as we go through this, these questions and interview?

Gabrielle Stigant

Yeah. So based on the research and literature, there is not one preferred term to describe autism. So I will be using various forms of words to describe such as neurodiverse or autistic person or person with autism.

Erika Ng

Awesome. Okay. Thank you so much.

So starting out, could you just describe for us [00:04:00] what some of the differences might be between a female with autism and a male with autism, and how might females who are neurodiverse present differently from a male counterpart? So that might include some skill areas that are overdeveloped or underdeveloped and so any of those excesses or deficits that you notice.

Gabrielle Stigant

Yeah. So, females who are neurodiverse specifically autism have the same skill deficits or excesses as males, but the deficits tend to be overlooked or not recognized. And I think there's a lot of reasons for this. One is that people don't expect girls to have autism or the girls who are diagnosed with autism, aren't showing the same trademarks as their male counterparts.

So symptoms can present as less obvious and more subtle. Girls tend to be more socially motivated than autistic boys, so they find ways to "fit in" and mask their autistic traits. So, many have described it as being like an actor on the stage. So they're really looking at other girls imitating to see how others are talking or how their mannerisms are. They may pre-practice conversations so that they're saying the right things, they're doing the right things, but it might just come across as a bit more socially awkward. If that makes sense.

Erika Ng

Okay, and have you noticed with girls that do not have autism, but are neurodiverse in some other way, have you noticed any differences there?

Gabrielle Stigant

So for other girls who are neurodiverse, those are girls who are struggling with anxiety or ADHD. So again, it might be many parents have told me, they sort of hold it together at school and then they come home and fall apart. So they're internalizing all those emotions and masking in their own way to kind of survive the day, and then come home [00:06:00] and into their safe space. And that's when all the emotions sort of bubble up to the surface.

Erika Ng

Yeah. Okay. Thank you. And I'm so curious, how did you first get into first of all, teaching social skills and that being kind of your area of expertise, but also specifically with girls?

Gabrielle Stigant

So when, way back when I was interning and working for a non-for-profit, I had the opportunity with another colleague to create social skills groups. And we, you know, we were supervised, but we learned as we went and had groups and at the time most of the participants were boys. When I, when the group that I was with the non-for-profit closed down and I started my private practice.

I had the opportunity to continue doing some social skill groups that include boys and girls where I tended to pair up based on age and the skill deficits that we needed, that we were we're going to work on. And I think the kids were about 8, 9, 10, and I started to notice a difference in the female participants versus the male participants.

The females wanted to be there. They talked more openly about challenges with friendships. And wanted to sort of practice those skills. Whereas the boys that were participating were a bit more ambivalent to being there they wanted to focus more on the activities and less on the conversation piece.

And so at the time I just happened to havea few girls on my caseload that were, you know, enough to form a group that had a similar skillset and so we just started our first girls group and that was five years ago, I think. And yeah, and we just it was just, they taught me so much, it's been an amazing process.

And yeah, so we, just as we started to branch out and create more groups, COVID hit and so I had to adjust but yeah, that's how we started.

Erika Ng

That's amazing. So I guess kind of going with that, could you describe, first of all, kind of the services that you provide for girls and then also, how did you adapt when the pandemic hit? Because I can imagine something like social skills has so much to do with being in person and so how has that gone?
Gabrielle Stigant
Yeah. So, in person I had two groups running and we were meeting, I mean, bi-weekly, every two weeks over like I tend to run on the semester system and the groups for two hours. So a lot of the focus was not just on the social piece, but also we did the social-emotional check-in, helping to learn to identify and talk about feelings.

Some girls are less comfortable in doing that. We would sort of talk about hypothetical problems, you know, friendship problems not just friendship, but various relationship problems with parents. We talked about hygiene. We'd work on, you know, various pieces of learning how to put a pad on and talking about how maybe hygiene routines have to change.

And then we'd work on executive function skills through making snacks. So the groups were two hours as we needed a lot of time, just even the portion to make the snack piece. And then when COVID hit I scrambled and learned quickly how to use and and how to engage my clients over over the internet because it's very different as you say, in person. So the group the groups are much smaller. It's a maximum of four children, but it reallydepends on the skillset and the abilities. So some groups are only two girls and myself and it's really finding ways to continue to have that social engagement so I'm not talking at them but it's a group [00:10:00] conversation and I'm pulling them in.

So, we're still, you know, working on very similar skills and learning to navigate conversations either, you know, listening or following up with topical comments or questions. But we're also working on, again, that social, emotional piece we're working on flexibility following other people's ideas and we still, I've always included a texting component, so we create group chats, so the girls can keep up with the conversation beyond the group because yeah, friendship. Friendship needs to develop outside of just meeting up once a week. Oh and virtually we have we have changed it so it's only an hour cause I really can't capture my audience for more than an hour and it's on a weekly basis.

Erika Ng

Okay, that's amazing. And just following up on one thing you said, are your groups based on age or skill set? Cause you were saying you do try to group based on skills when you moved into the pandemic and only four, do you have a wide range of ages based on skills or is it more based on age?

Gabrielle Stigant

Yeah, so right now I'm running multiple groups. So I have I like my acronyms. I'm dating fairy friends. Do you mean, girls group and sister squad.

So my fairy friends are for my kindergartners girls group tends to be more for the eight to 11 year olds. And then the sister squad or the older girls beyond, I grouped the girls partly based on their age, but also based on their interests and their communication abilities and their skillset.

So even though I have multiple groups of a sister squad, the goals that we're working on look different depending on the group. So I really look individualize the goals and the skills that we're developing within groups.

Erika Ng

And given that they have shared interests and are kind of similar in age there and you've got [00:12:00] the texting going on,do you notice friendships come out of these groups afterwards?

Gabrielle Stigant

I have and it was interesting. And through, I mean, yes. So let me backtrack. So when it was in person, it was really nice that kids were reporting of inviting each other to birthday parties and that was taking place.

It's definitely, as the girls get older, parents are less involved with organizing. Cause they're no longer play dates, they're Hangouts. So, the other challenge with that piece, though, that I've noticed with my older kids is that executive functioning piece that planning and following through and so some of that support is needed. With the pandemic, I would say it's gotten a little bit trickier because girls, you know, they can't hang out together as like they used to. When we first started the Zoom was a bit of a novelty, so some of them were asking if they could stay on, and actually this has happened recently too, where the girls are asking to stay on after group so that they can continue chatting.

So it allows me to shut off my mic and my video camera and let them carry on. I find with the texting, there are girls that, there are certain girls that text and other girls that don't and so, those group conversations do, I mean, definitely there's been an evening where I had to turn my phone off cause it was going ding ding ding ding.

Erika Ng

Lots of socializing.

Gabrielle Stigant

Yeah, which you know, warms my heart, and then I do have a couple of girls who have extended their friendship beyond and have done some meet-ups. You know, social distance scene of what they're able to do, the challenge is that with this population, because it's sometimes tricky for them to plan and execute these Hangouts, I do have we have been organizing and offering sort of, Friday night meetups every once in a while over Zoom and so like last night I hosted in among us. Zero chat so the girls can all play together. Yeah, I think the important key piece for parents to understand and supporting their daughters is that even with your child attending a weekly group or, you know, even attending school to develop a friendship. It really needs to happen beyond that environment and so it's helping to support your daughter in organizing themselves, like of meeting up outside of, you know. Whether it's not even just a social group, but outside of ballet, outside of art class, or karate or swimming. So yeah. Something to consider for as far as the friendship piece goes.

Erika Ng

Yeah. That makes sense. Wow. That is so great to hear. And as someone who works in the school system, I find they're often kids who, especially as I get older, like it sounds to me like the sister,

Gabrielle Stigant

The sister squad?

Erika Ng

The sister squad age group, sometimes those girls or boys have been with the same kids for many years. And if there aren't those bridges there or maybe there's been some social challenges in the past, it sounds to me like that's such a great opportunity to build some connections in the community outside of their immediate classroom, potentially.

Gabrielle Stigant

Yeah.

Erika Ng

And meet meet some new friends, but then learn the skills that they can bring back to school as well and build friendships there. So.

Gabrielle Stigant

Yeah. And I think I want to touch on too, like the goal of my group. Yes. We're working on skills, but I would say that predominantly what I'm creating is, or I, my,my goal is to create a safe space for girls to attend and not mask, to be themselves and, you know, one followed up with me afterwards and was like, I've never met other girls like me.

That's amazing and able to converse and say, yeah, group projects are really hard. I hate finding a partner. What if people say no, or nobody wants to be my partner. I hate being in that position [00:16:00] and you know, all the other girls going, me too. Yeah, no kidding. So, creating a space for them to talk about that, honestly, and recognize that they're not alone, that That's my main goal, but the skill piece and developing the social skills, that secondary. I mean, they're at an age where I can give them and teach them the skills, but it's really up to them to be motivated in applying them and use them.

And you know, I can say like, yeah, you're here. Like you can choose to wear your hair messy like that. These are the thoughts that other people might have, but you need to make that choice of if you want to change or not. So I'm not here to tell them what's right or wrong. I'm more just to provide the perspective taking that maybe others would have and then help them make that decision of what they want to do within forward.

Erika Ng

That sounds incredible. Wow. And such an important thing, like that seems like you're really meeting a need for those girls. Like to hear that, that they're connecting with people for the first time that it feels like a safe space.

Gabrielle Stigant

Yeah and it's been pretty amazing to be virtual because it's you know, a lot of, I have many girls who are actually zooming in from smaller communities across DC.

Erika Ng

Okay. Wow.

Gabrielle Stigant

So they, you know, they don't have, there's not the same offerings in their community and they may not have an opportunity to meet other girls like them because of being in a smaller community.

Erika Ng

Silver lining there, I suppose.

Gabrielle Stigant

I'm learning a lot from zoom.

Erika Ng

Oh boy. Do you also provide groups for boys or mixed groups?

Gabrielle Stigant

I don't currently. It's I, yeah, it's blown up and there's been so much interest right now with the girls that's been my focal point.

Erika Ng

Amazing, yeah!

Gabrielle Stigant

And to be honest, there's so many groups out there for boys.

Erika Ng

Sure. Yeah. Yeah. No, that makes sense. No, I was just curious, I thought.

Gabrielle Stigant

Yeah.

Erika Ng

So you did touch a little bit on this, but are there other changes that youhave noticed yourself in your girls and clients over time throughout the group and afterwards, or things that parents have reported to you?

Gabrielle Stigant

Yeah. So, I mean, I do set goals. I do, sorry my cat's walking around my computer. I didn't mean distraction. I do set goals of measure. So there has been an increased in conversing, you know, topical conversations, seeking information from others sharing personal information. I find some of the girls, you know, if I'm like, how was your day? Fine. What'd you do on the weekend? Nothing.

So there's been, as I think the girls have become more comfortable with the group that they're in and with me sharing more information of not just, you know, what's been going on in their life, but also you know, feeling, sharing feelings, feeling when they were feeling anxious or depressed or sad.

So that's been a huge a huge difference in many of the kids that I've worked with in the group. Just developing new interests and hobbies many come in with their own special interest and it doesn't necessarily align with others in the groups, but providing a platform for that discussion, they're able to expose each other to different interests.

We've done some homework where we have to watch, everybody gets to choose a movie. Or a show, whichever is of interest and then each week we go through and rotate. So it's an opportunity to expose girls to different movies that they may not have otherwise watched. So, so, so flexibility and following other people's, you know, prerogatives and agendas flexibility and just trying new activities.

Some of them have anxiety with just trying something new. So creating a safe space creating an opportunity to ask for help. Some of the girls really struggle with that, or even asserting themselves being like, you know, especially it's been interesting with the virtual piece cause I've had girls who say, I'm just going to turn my camera off today because I don't feel comfortable. And you know that in person, right? We just don't have that ability. So it's been interesting going virtually of what is able to cater of how we can cater to those needs.

Erika Ng

Wow. And do you hear anything directly from parents? Like do parents often report back to you about changes that they see? Or do you specifically ask for feedback from them?

Gabrielle Stigant

Yeah, no parents have been, I mean, the many, it keeps signing the girls ups, and the girls keep wanting to come back. So, that speaks for itself.

That's great. But we, I've had parents respond and have noticed an increase in conversation and sharing personal information with themselves or same family members have noticed a difference.

Yeah, just as you mentioned earlier, like reaching out and creating friendships, like some of them have developed, I wouldn't say all of them, but some of them have developed a friendship with someone else and then they've connected through the group.

Seeing the texting, texting, that's been really cool. One flexibility with fashion and like, it was quite interesting. We did one a spa beauty night. And we all had to put our hair back, right? And a parent reported and said, her daughter, who'd never wore things in her hair was then encouraged and like, okay, this isn't so bad. Maybe I will put my hair back. So, you know, it wasn't an intended skill that we were working on, but it was something that, that was yeah.

Erika Ng

That's amazing and such practical areas too for adaptations, I suppose and for girls to grow.

Gabrielle Stigant

Yeah. Yeah. It was the spa night was interesting. Cause it made me realize how many girls didn't understand how to wash their face, right? Like something we take for granted.

Erika Ng

Absolutely. Wow. That's really incredible to hear that you've done. That sounds like social skills, plus, you know, there's all the additional application, social skills, life skills. Yeah. And then the fun component too. That's amazing.

So would you, so thinking about these incredible outcomes that you've had with these girls, what advice would you give to parents who maybe have a girl at home that is neurodiverse in some way and struggling with social skills?

Gabrielle Stigant

I think I was actually talking to another parent right the other day.The one thing to consider is there's friendship and there's companionship. And friendship were really focusing on those not only shared experiences, but conversation and you know, that intimacy, whereas many girls on the spectrum research has show that, or some of them are just interested in companionship, you know, somebody to you draw anime with.

Erika Ng

Sure.

Gabrielle Stigant

And just talk about anime with, you know finding and sharing that special interest with somebody elsewhere it's not even focused on developing a skillset. So I think my advice for parents is, you know, follow your child's interest and find a social connection, even if it's simply based on that interest where it's not working on a scale, but it's just building comfort to be with somebody else and having a shared moment.

Erika Ng

Okay.

Gabrielle Stigant

And it's been amazing. I mean, now with everything virtual, I find there's so many virtual classes that are advertised and there seems to be more up there that's available.

Erika Ng

That's some great advice and a great way to conceptualize that of the companionship and the friendship. Yeah. I hadn't really thought about that, but that's helpful advice.

And so since part of the goal of this podcast is advocacy for improved services and greater access for families of, with all diagnoses or none at all. What advice or I guess in thinking about big picture, how might we better serve neurodiverse females who are struggling with social skills in the future here in BC and maybe Canada and beyond?

Gabrielle Stigant

I think having more girls groups, I can't serve them all. And I think I've heard more and more practitioners are offering,so that's great. I think it's educating people in the school system. W, you know, I think many are because girls are masking and presenting as capable is helping them understand what those challenges are for her and what that support might look like.

You know, in the school system, I know many times the focus is on supporting academically. But maybe providing opportunities throughout the day where the support can be focused more on the social piece.

Erika Ng

That's great.

Gabrielle Stigant

I think it's really educating, educating others and helping them understand what those challenges are for your daughter, or your child, not your daughter, the girl you're caring for.

Erika Ng

Yeah. Yeah, for sure. No that's helpful and that's a great takeaway for me as someone who is in the school system that, yeah, that education component, and it might not be, it might not appear as the most pressing thing. Like they're not throwing chairs or they're not, you know, avoiding school necessarily. Maybe they are, but yeah, just that they are masking. That's a great takeaway.

So just to wrap up, I wanted to ask you some quick questions, like a lightning round that are less about specifically your practice necessarily, but just your perspective on things. So, first of all, I guess, what is the best advice you've ever received as a behavior analyst?

Gabrielle Stigant

I think that honestly, and this is probably come more recently in the last couple of years is I have increased my following on social media accounts of following women with autism and hearing and learning their experiences. There's so many women who've been diagnosed later in life and are self-reflecting on their childhood or have always grown up knowing they were autistic and are posting on YouTube and Instagram and Facebook and I, yeah. Follow, follow those women.

Erika Ng

Okay. That's great advice.

And what is, are there, do you have yourself some personal habits that you think have contributed to your success with your girls groups in this niche that you're in?

Gabrielle Stigant

I think that I'm able to laugh at my mistakes. I'm I just try to be real with them. If I don't have the answers, I'm honest about that and I say, let's figure this out together. Yeah, I, as much as possible, I want the kiddos that I work with to be a part of the process. I'm not the expert on them. They are just here to help provide some ideas.

Erika Ng

Do you have a resource, like a, an internet based resource or tool or website or something of that might be helpful for families that have a neurodiverse female or other practitioners that might be listening?

Gabrielle Stigant

Yeah, I do. I'm not very good at updating it all the time, but I do have an Instagram account and a Facebook page. So I try to post, you know, recent events or games or what have you that have been successful in groups to share with other professionals. I also try to share books or, you know, even other Instagram accounts or Facebook accounts that I found useful or interesting to me. So I try to post information and, yeah. And then I always have my website that post information about the groups that I'm that will be upcoming and for registration information.

Erika Ng

Awesome. Okay. And I'll definitely put those, all that information into the show notes so people can confine that. So, thank you so much.

Gabrielle Stigant

Thank you.

Erika Ng

Well, Gabrielle, thank you so much. It has been such a pleasure and an honor to hear all about the important work that you're doing and the really positive outcomes that you've had with your clients and just it's so encouraging to hear that girls that are sometimes forgotten because of that masking that you spoke about in the beginning there, are really being served in such a, an incredible way and able to grow and connect. And it sounds like you're really achieving your goal of creating a positive space, a safe space for these girls. So thank you so much for sharing that with us. I really appreciate it.

Gabrielle Stigant

Thank you for letting me tell my stories, so thank you.

Erika Ng

Enjoy the rest of your Saturday before the snow storm comes.

Gabrielle Stigant

I'm excited! I don't have to drive so I'm okay with it.

Erika Ng

It's so funny. It's like big news in Vancouver, I'm actually from Ontario so everybody's like, Oh my goodness. So thank you so much.

Gabrielle Stigant

Great. Thank you.

Erika Ng

Anything that Gabrielle has mentioned today including her social media handles and website, I will link to in the show notes, but just to verbally mentioned to you here, the website is www.gabriellestigant.com, again so that's G A B R I E L E S T I G A N T.com, that's her website. And she did mention towards the end there that her Facebook handle and Instagram account, which are by the same name, Gabriellestigant, all one word on Instagram and Facebook.

She puts resources there, especially on her Facebook that she tries to update as often as possible. And as per her work, she is followingand we'll share a lot of information about neurodivergent females specifically. So do check that out on her Facebook. These will also be list in the show notes. Until next time.

Thank you again for listening. I'm Erika Ng. Bye bye.

The comments and views expressed in this podcast do not constitute or replace contractual behavior, analytic consultation, or professional advice. Views expressed are solely the perspective of the speaker and do not represent the views or position of their colleagues and player or other associates.

Please seek out a behavior analyst with BACB website, if you'd like to receive further behavior consultation. Until next time. Take care.
Here's a podcast you don't want to miss: Trauma-Informed Behavioral Health Services (with Alexia Stack, BCBA from A Block Above Behavioral Consulting)
Need tools for your practice? Here's a list of tools we recommend: 10 Best Practice Management Software For Healthcare Providers

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Teaching Social Skills To Neurodivergent Girls (with Gabrielle Stigant, Behaviour Analyst, Private Practice)

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Gabrielle Stigant joins Erika Ng to discuss her niche work with neurodivergent females and social skills instruction. She describes some of the differences between males and females who are neurodivergent and how females are sometimes overlooked, but still in need of support. Gabrielle Stigant is a BCBA who is local to the Vancouver area, British Columbia.

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What Can You Expect When You Contact FSI?

- A warm welcome by our caring staff
- FSI will never say no to support your family
- Answers to your questions
- Direction to relevant services/supports or community resources
- Up-to-date & relevant information to meet your circumstance
- Connections to parents in your community to share experiences and guide you to supports

What is Family Support?

Family Support is creating a non-judgmental place where families can find information, guidance, understanding and connections.
Our network helps to reduce isolation and loneliness by creating a space where people feel understood and are able to focus on celebrating their family members' abilities

FSIBC has trained volunteer Resource Parents/Resource Family Members (RPs/RFMs) in most communities throughout British Columbia.
We will do our best to put you in touch with a volunteer in your community.

Contact our office at (604) 540-8374 and ask to be connected with an RP/RFM in your region.

Role Of A Resource Parent/Resource Family Member

A RP/RFM is a volunteer for FSIBC who has a child or family member with a disability, and has committed to volunteer for a minimum of 2 years.

Areas of RP/RFM involvement:

1:1 contact with parents/family members

Sit on Parent Advisory Committees at schools

Attend meetings with a parent/family member in need

Give presentations in their community

Facilitate workshops

Click here to view and download RP/RFM Volunteer Description

Resource Parent / Resource Family Member - Map - Where Are We In BC?

View Family Support Institute - RP/RFM Map in a larger map

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Family Support - Family Support Institute of BC

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A warm welcome by our caring staff - FSI will never say no to support your family - Answers to your questions - Direction to relevant services/supports or community resources - Up-to-date & relevant information to meet your circumstance - Connections to parents in your community to share experiences and guide you to supports Family Support is creating a non-judgmental place where families can find information, guidance, understanding and connections.

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As the person who cares for your child, you usually know your child better than anyone else. As your child develops and grows, they may have problems from time to time. If your child is acting unusual or seems to have a lot of distress for a long period of time, it may be time to get help. Other times to worry are when your child is showing highly unusual behavior that is causing them or others harm. A good question to ask is, "Are my child's problems getting in the way of his or her day-to-day functioning?" Also ask yourself, "Is my child having problems with eating, sleeping, concentrating, or doing his or her usual tasks such as social activities, school and family relationships?"

All children have trouble from time to time. It is normal for children to have times when they are sad, angry, frustrated, and act shy or show anxiety- especially when faced with new situations. But, when your child is often distressed, cannot be soothed or comforted or is having problems that seem to be getting worse, it is a good idea not to worry alone. Just like your child's physical health, there is a certain time when you may need to get a professional's help. Also, if you are feeling overly concerned, have questions, or think that your child needs help or support, it is probably time to reach out to a qualified professional.

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Connect CHILDREN AND FAMILIES TO CARE in Connecticut. Our state is working with families, providers and communities to build a statewide system of care network so children and families can access the care they need, when they need it.

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In the wake of a disturbing event or tragic loss in the lives of children, we know parents and teachers will do their best to help kids cope with their grief and anxiety in a healthy way. We have provided some tips on how best to engage kids in a calm and supportive dialog about their feelings-it's certainly not easy to do, but it can make a big difference to kids.

Still, some children are more at risk than others for suffering long-term effects from an upsetting event, including those who have lost close friends or classmates and those who might have learned about the event or loss in a particularly emotional and upsetting way.

How a child experiences an event and how it's handled by those around him have an effect on how traumatizing it can be, notes Child Mind Institute psychologist Jerry Bubrick, PhD. When families come upon news accidentally, parents can be caught off guard and respond in a highly emotional way that can impact children. Television coverage and shocking newspaper headlines can also amplify the impact of a disturbing event or loss.

So even as you try to soothe and comfort children, it is important to recognize the signs of unhealthy coping that would suggest a visit with a professional might be needed. In extreme cases, children can develop post-traumatic stress disorder, but even less extreme PTSD-like symptoms can interfere with a child's life and happiness. Here are some signs to look for and things to keep in mind.

"Everyone grieves at a different pace," Dr. Bubrick says, and an immediate reaction-or lack of one-is not really an indicator of how a child will cope with the loss. "If a child seems to be coping well now, they might still have a poor reaction later," he says. "Or it could also just be a sign that they're handling it well." So while we want to help our children as much as possible immediately after the event, a lasting and hurtful response usually won't be evident until 3 or 6 months later.

Increased thinking about death and safety

One common sign of PTSD or a PTSD-like reaction is what Dr. Bubrick calls a "hyper-focus on mortality or death." And while some kids become notably morbid and fascinated by death, others will develop an obsession with their own safety and the safety of those close to them. In the case of a fire or another disaster, their thoughts might return with disturbing regularity to the possibility of a fire in their own home, or of the earthquake or flood happening where they live.

Problems with sleeping, eating, anger, and attention

Some of the symptoms of trauma in children (and adults) closely mimic depression, including too much or too little sleep, loss of appetite or overeating, unexplained irritability and anger, and problems focusing on projects, school work, and conversation. Sometimes the symptoms appear more like an anxiety disorder-obsessive or pervasive worry, difficulty separating from parents.

A year after a tragic event, we tend to look back, take stock, and memorialize those whose lives were lost. But as Dr. Bubrick observes, there are other anniversaries connected to children's lives that could have unexpected consequences for them- the birthdays of friends or classmates who died, for instance. Children "could be basically OK between now and then, maybe with some rocky periods," he says. "And then around the time of the birthday, they could have more symptoms. It's a trigger."

When an event is connected to school, such as the loss of classmates or violence at school itself, an unhealthy reaction could take the form of avoiding school. As Dr. Bubrick points out, school is "where the most reminders of the kids' deaths will be." While episodes of depression, heightened anxiety, trouble sleeping, and a fixation on the accident may be transient, avoiding school is a clear sign that something is wrong. "For the most part, everyone is going to experience some form of those things, altogether or in pieces," says Dr. Bubrick. "But if, over time, it's not really lifting and it's continuing, it may result in school refusal altogether. At that point we definitely know the child needs help."

You should also know that stress and trauma can manifest differently in girls and boys. Although this is by no means definitive, boys often react more quickly and with more irritation and anger, while girls can have delayed reactions that are more internal.

Frequently Asked Questions

What are the signs of trauma in a child?

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Signs of Trauma in Children - Child Mind Institute

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What to watch for in the weeks and months after an upsetting event - signs of trauma in children and how to begin to address the issue.

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Parenting a Child who has Experienced Trauma

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Parenting a Child who has Experienced Trauma

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Gender Spectacular was founded in 2015 to address the gap in services for parents and caregivers of trans, non-binary, Two-Spirit and gender diverse children and youth. We are a grassroots group and do not currently receive funding.

Our mission is to provide a gender affirming, non-judgemental, and caring space for parents and caregivers to build community with one another, learn about supporting gender diverse children, share resources, and create space for caregivers to share openly about the challenges and joys they experience parenting young gender diverse people.

Location: Oaklands Community Association, 2827 Belmont Ave #1, Victoria

Time: Monthly meeting. Please contact us for exact date/time.

What to expect: **MOVING TO IN-PERSON MEETINGS THIS FALL** Come meet parents, caregivers, and close adult family members of trans, gender non-conforming, and Two-Spirit children and youth. This group is facilitated by trans adults who have extensive background working with trans children, youth, and parents and caregivers.

Contact: support@genderspectacular.com
A big thank you to Oaklands Community Association for their support and in-kind donation of space!
many thanks to Wholesome Handmade for the art!

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Support. Education. Resources. You are not alone.

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Common Sense Media-Books with Characters with learning challenges

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Common Sense Media-Books with Characters with learning challenges

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Books with Characters Who Have Learning and Attention Issues

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Common Sense Media editors help you choose Books with Characters Who Have Learning and Attention Issues. Lively reads show kids living with challenges.

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Barbara Easter

Communications Officer

With 20+ years in accessibility communications, Barb shares stories to highlight those who need to be heard. Supporting all communications at CADDAC, Barb believes that digital communications are essential to effective awareness, advocacy, and education initiatives. "My mission as a person with ADHD in this role is to create and share stories that help Canadians see each other for better perspective-taking. Communicating CADDAC's awareness, education and advocacy initiatives is critical to an inclusive Canada."

Ekin Ober

Board Member
Ekin is passionate about raising awareness and advocating for organizations dedicated to improving the lives of those with ADHD. It is a mission that she holds close to her heart. Prior to completing her JD/MBA, she obtained her degree in Psychology and Economics where she focused on child development and learning disabilities. Her personal experience combined with her academic background enriched her understanding of the various ways in which ADHD can have a significant social impact on individuals' lives, causing disruption at school, work and relationships.
She is also interested in engaging with CADDAC as a board member because it offers her the opportunity to engage with and contribute to her community through an organization whose mission aligns with hers. She acknowledges that there are very limited resources available to charities and believes that her legal background combined with her financial knowledge makes her a great candidate who can help further the impact and reach of CADDAC.

Audrey Gavin
Board Member
Audrey is a British-Canadian with almost 20 years of experience as an HR professional both in the UK and Ontario. Audrey holds both an undergraduate degree in Psychology and a Masters in Human Resource Management; she specializes in Learning & Development and Talent Management. 'Accidentally' diagnosed with dyslexia and dyspraxia as an undergrad research study participant, Audrey was reassessed and diagnosed with ADHD and LDs (interestingly not dyslexia!) 20 years later...along with her 8-year-old son. As a person who has been diagnosed in mid-life and parent to a child with ADHD, Audrey is passionate about creating a community of support, educating the world on ADHD and dispelling myths, particularly in the workplace and in the education system.

Mark J. Poznansky, C.M., O.Ont., PhD.
Board Member
Mark Poznansky is the immediate Past President and CEO of Ontario Genomics, and in retirement, he founded "Saved by Science" ( www.savedbyscience.org) - a visionary and forward-thinking website and blog advocating for genomics-enabled technologies including Synthetic Biology.

He served as President and Scientific Director of Robarts Research (London, ON) from 1993 to 2007, served on the Merck USA Scientific Advisory Leadership Board from 2000-2004 and was Associate Dean of Medicine at the University of Alberta from 1984 to 1992

He was founder of the Council for Health Research in Canada and chaired the Scientific Advisory Boards of the Canadian Medical Discoveries Fund and MDS Capital Corp. Dr. Poznansky was made a member of the Order of Ontario in 2004 and the Order of Canada in 2005.

Earning his bachelor's degree and PhD at McGill University, Dr. Poznansky spent 6 years on staff at Harvard Medical School.

Laura Sharp
Board Member
Laura is mom to a daughter who faces many challenges in school but was only diagnosed with ADHD after her parents engaged support from outside the school system. As a mom who continues to advocate for her daughter, who is both a child with ADHD and a brain cancer survivor, Laura is excited to work with CADDAC in its mission to empower people affected by ADHD. Laura has an affinity for parents facing challenges with understanding the resources available to them and learning how to advocate for their children.

Laura's career is in technology leadership with the last half of her career focused on strategy and innovation in banking. Laura is also an avid and energetic volunteer, primarily volunteering for causes supporting children which include: working in Nigeria to develop technology solutions for the State School Board; being a Board member and treasurer of a children's program not-for-profit; and acting as a Board member for a not-for-profit supporting charitable children's camps.

Annual Report 2021

Annual Report 2020

Annual Report 2019

Strategic Plan 2021-2025

By Heidi Bernhardt Founder of CADDAC

In 1992 my oldest son was finally diagnosed with ADHD at the age of fourteen. I say finally because it took five professionals over three and a half years and a great deal of persistence on my part to figure out what the issue was. The delay resulted in unnecessary confusion, frustration and fear as well as unjust labelling and consequences for our children, and a great deal of unnecessary upheaval and heartache for the entire family.

Over those three and a half years I received so much conflicting information from "experts" my head was spinning. One said he had ADHD, the next one said he did not. Most jumped to the conclusion that it was our fault as parents because he was not acting out at school, instead expressing his frustration at home. I was even told by a physician at a prominent ADHD hospital clinic, that our son could not have ADHD because he was a proficient reader. It was also suggested that I was just an over-involved mother and outright told by family that I was not strict enough and just needed to apply the belt more.

You see the difficulty was that my son was not failing at school. He was getting good grades, yet his frustration and anger were growing day by day. It took a full psychoeducational assessment to discover that his giftedness was compensating for his ADHD while his ADHD obscured his giftedness so educators were unaware of both. As explained by his psychologist, our unique child was perceptive enough to know that unleashing his frustration at school had huge costs, but just like a volcano, the pressure had to be let off somewhere, so home seemed the safer alternative.

Having worked as an RN in psychiatry I immediately started reading everything I could get my hands on once we had a confirmed diagnosis. At the time most material on ADHD was meant for medical professionals. Luckily my medical background in psychiatry allowed me to understand these books but they left me feeling depressed and without much hope. It started me wondering what other parents did. I turned to public health and any other health resource agencies that might have resources or supports but soon became frustrated as I found little help. I kept reading and searching for information but found little.

ADHD World Congress April 23rd 2017 in BC. CADDAC ran a full day workshop for them entitled ADHD World Congress Family Day and had a booth.

Three months later my mom called to tell me that she had seen a brief mention in our local paper about a meeting for parents of children with ADHD at our local hospital. I attended what I found out was their very first meeting, met the four mom's who had organized the meeting and immediately asked how I could help. I had found out the hard way that there was nothing else out there to help parents going through this rough journey. But I knew how helpful these groups could be from my experience starting a local new mothers mental well being after my second child was born. Over the next decade this group gave me the support and understanding I needed and led me to a life long purpose and passion.

Over the next two years my other two sons were also diagnosed with ADHD and giftedness but one with some learning disabilities and one with anxiety. It also became very obvious that their father, my husband, had ADHD too. The next struggle became the schools. My youngest needed support which was not very forthcoming and my middle son was being very badly bullied. It was again reinforced that mostly only those with familial experience seemed to understand. It took almost two years and a teacher with her own son with ADHD to finally alleviate some of the bullying. The school was never able to effectively deal with it. It became clear over the next few years that most educators did not understand my kids, nor did the education system as a whole. I discovered that in Ontario the Ministry of Education did not recognize ADHD as a risk to learning, so little additional support was available.

We also spent the next decade trying everything suggested by medical "experts", medication, diets, neurofeedback, and specialized behaviour management. General parenting classes just made things worse. Medication and specialized behaviour management helped but after years with no diagnoses it took time. I was very fortunate that my circumstances allowed me to jointly and then individually run that local ADHD parent support group, the ADRN, Attention Deficit Resource Network, for the first eleven years after we received our diagnoses. The ADRN was one of two groups in Southern Ontario specifically geared to supporting parents of children with ADHD, the other being CHADD Toronto. A few other support groups were scattered across Canada, but very little networking was occurring.

Lieutenant Governor of Ontario's Reception for CADDAC in 2008

Along with monthly support meetings, in 2001 the ADRN started to run larger evening educational sessions for parents in partnership with Dr. Atilla Turgay and the Scarborough Hospital ADHD Clinic in Ontario. We even organized the first full day educational workshop for educators on ADHD in Ontario. The ADRN became a source of support for families impacted by ADHD as well as a valuable source of ADHD education.

Then in 2003 CHADD who had become ADD Ontario (ADDO) and a charity came to speak with me. They were disbanding leaving the ADRN the only support group in Ontario. They asked if I would take their place and be the voice of parents at an Ontario teleconference on ADHD. During this conference I felt personally challenged when asked why no national ADHD organization existed in Canada. At that time there was no group nationally expressing the voice of individuals and families affected by ADHD, networking small support groups, doing ADHD awareness work or advocating to governments for ADHD resources.

By then I had realized I was not someone inclined to accept the status quo so what came next just seemed the next logical step. I arranged to meet with a small group of like-minded individuals to begin the process of developing a national ADHD organization. CADDAC, the Centre for ADHD Advocacy Canada was formed. We eventually changed the name to The Centre for ADHD Awareness Canada.

2008, CADDAC's first Comedy Night fundraiser featuring Rick Green and his colleagues.

During the next two years I was fortunate to first become Dr. Umesh Jain's research co-ordinator and then the Executive Director of CADDRA, the Canadian ADHD Resource Alliance, which at that time was an independent, not-for-profit organization of expert ADHD physicians. Their support in my working life allowed me to continue my volunteer work building CADDAC. The experience gave me access to leading ADHD clinicians and researchers in Canada and internationally along with exposure to the latest ADHD research. An opportunity for which I will always be grateful.

CADDAC Timeline

The first web site was developed in 2005 soon after we organized CADDAC.

By the fall of 2006 CADDAC was incorporated as a national not-for-profit organization.

In 2009 CADDAC's first national conference occurred which turned into an annual event.

A new extensive web site was started in 2009.

The "2010 Provincial Report Card: ADHD in the School System" was published followed by the first two CADDAC policy papers. These were sent to media and provincial governments. Meetings with provincial ministries began.

CADDAC started Canada's ADHD Awareness week in 2011.

In 2013 we developed another web site focusing exclusively on ADHD Awareness and advocacy.

In 2014 ADHD Awareness Month began, allowing for more media coverage and events.

In January 2020 CADDAC became a registered charity

CADDAC only accepts funding for projects that we propose, or that are proposed to us that we deem to be of benefit to our patient population such as families and individuals with ADHD. All funds we receive are used for awareness, education and advocacy efforts or to directly support individuals with ADHD. We also do not accept any funds for the advertising or promotion of treatments or products being sold for ADHD.

CADDAC's activities - which are primarily focused on education, awareness and advocacy as well as supporting families and individuals with ADHD - are funded in a variety of ways. Funding is obtained through corporate donations and grants, individuals donations, program fees, and grants from federal and provincial governments. CADDAC would like to acknowledge the generous support of, Janssen, Takeda Canada, Elvium Life Sciences, the Zorzi Family, SickKids, Pottruff Foundation.

CADDAC'S MANDATE

CADDAC is a national charity that improves the lives of Canadians affected by ADHD through awareness, education, and advocacy.

Charitable Number: 828460329RR0001

by CADDAC. All Rights reserved.

Designed & Maintained by WP Expert

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Communications Officer With 20+ years in accessibility communications, Barb shares stories to highlight those who need to be heard. Supporting all communications at CADDAC, Barb believes that digital communications are essential to effective awareness, advocacy, and education initiatives.

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If you sometimes judge yourself and feel uncomfortable in your own body, you're not alone. Lots of people struggle with accepting their bodies. We've got some tips to help you have a positive body image.

What influences body image?

Lots of things can influence body image, such as:

What can I do to feel better about myself?

Changing your body image starts with changing the way you think and feel about yourself.

If you can change how you feel on the inside, it's likely to change how you think of yourself on the outside.
Here are some things you can do:

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Want to talk to others just like you?

Join My Circle - your safe, free and private online peer support group for 12-25 year olds

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Here's how to develop a positive body image

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You don't have to have full lips, bulging biceps, long legs - or any other specific physical traits for that matter - to have a healthy body image.If you stand in front of a mirror and judge yourself, you're not alone. We've got some tips to help keep you on track with developing a healthy body image.

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Confident Parents: Thriving Kids - Confident Parents: Thriving Kids

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CMHA is working with an Indigenous Reference Group to develop a Confident Parents: Thriving Kids - Anxiety program to meet the needs of Indigenous families across BC, launching in early 2022. The content and delivery will be culturally grounded in Indigenous perspectives.

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CORE (Center for Outreach Education-UVic)

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CORE (Center for Outreach Education-UVic)

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United Way support helps CORE thrive online

With help from the United Way and the Government of Canada's Emergency Community Support Fund, CORE was able to invest in technology and online program development to support this transition.
Read more

What is CORE?

The Centre for Outreach Education (CORE) is a multidisciplinary centre dedicated to enhancing the education of children and youth. Located at the University of Victoria, CORE is administered by the Faculty of Education under the guidance of the Dean of Education and a steering committee composed of volunteer faculty members.

CORE transforms learning through personalized tutoring services that help children and youth when and where they need it.

Founded in 2011 with a generous bequest from an anonymous donor, CORE is dedicated to providing:

Providing 1:1 support to children with unique learning needs

Since 2011, CORE has supported nearly 1000 children in Greater Victoria with free on-campus and drop-in tutoring services. CORE programs pair Faculty of Education pre-service teachers with children to master literacy and math concepts through tailored learning that meets each child's unique needs.

CORE's aim is to fill unmet needs in the community, and to provide services to children and youth who need help the most. There are no fees for any of CORE's services.
Here is what one of our tutors has to say about working at CORE.

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The Centre for Outreach Education (CORE) is a multidisciplinary centre dedicated to enhancing the education of children and youth. Located at the University of Victoria, CORE is administered by the Faculty of Education under the guidance of the Dean of Education and a steering committee composed of volunteer faculty members.

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Growth Mindset Lessons for School or Home

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Growth Mindset Lessons for School or Home

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LearnStorm Growth Mindset: The Truth About Your Brain

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Elementary and middle school activities | Growth mindset | Khan Academy

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If you’re seeing this message, it means we’re having trouble loading external resources on our website.

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Beata Pastuszko
Graphic Designer

Arsh Bajwa
Community Manager

Have you ever thought "If only my parents taught me THIS when I was little..."?

I have.

Let me share a short story with you...

It was 15 years ago. I walked into my parents' apartment and fell face down on the couch. Breaking into tears, I cried uncontrollably for what seemed like hours.

I remember how I felt to this day - the wrenching feeling in my stomach, nausea, and the irrepressible desire to cry. That day my whole world crashed.

This was the day I failed.

It was my second year of college, and I lost a math competition. Before that I had been told I was very good at math... by my parents, my teachers and of course my grandma. She told me I was a math genius!

"How could I have lost the competition? Was I not good at it any longer? Was everyone wrong?... Now they all will be disappointed in me..."

Ah, this mental chatter... sounds familiar? Have you ever thought similar thoughts about yourself? Do you have a suspicion that your kids might have too?

Well, there is a reason for this kind of mental chatter. And it actually has a name - FIXED MINDSET.

You see, looking back many years later I understand why it was hard for me to process that failure. I was brought up with a FIXED MINDSET (sorry, mom and dad, it's true) believing that failure was not an option. I was certain that failing at that math competition meant something profound about me; I thought it meant I wasn't smart enough. I decided right there and then I wasn't good at math and never would be.

Why do I share this story with you?

Because today I understand the power of a GROWTH MINDSET. And I want to make sure that YOU understand it too.

If I had a GROWTH MINDSET in college, I would not have thought of myself as "being talented" in math. Instead, I would have looked at this loss in a math competition as the way to improve. I would have understood that I failed because I had not tried hard enough. I just didn't spend enough time learning math. That's it.

Now, I want my son Michael to have a GROWTH MINDSET. I know it can literally transform his life, it is THAT powerful.

And as a parent, you too can make a huge difference for your child by making sure they grow up with a GROWTH MINDSET. That's why I created the Big Life Journal. To help you and me on this journey.

Joy Acaso

Joy is a family therapist & anxiety support coach for parents & children.

Stefanie Faye Frank

Stefanie is the founder of Mindset Neuroscience with over a decade of counseling and teaching in schools and organizations across the US, Canada, Europe, Latin America and Africa.

Jen Harrison

Jen is a parent coach and the founder of Supporting Sensitive Children.

Chase Mielke

Chase is a writer, speaker, and award-winning high school teacher. He holds a master's degree in curriculum and instruction.

Big Life Journal helps kids go from "I can't" to "I'll keep learning until I can."

When kids become stuck in negative self-talk or can't push through their fear of failure, it's hard to know how to help them. At Big Life Journal, we create engaging resources to help kids develop a resilient growth mindset so they can face life's challenges with confidence.

Who is behind Big Life Journal?
Our tools and resources are brought to life by a dedicated team of parents, homeschoolers, former educators, family coaches, designers, and illustrators - from around the world!
Together with the team, our founder Alexandra Eidens creates the resources to be as effective (and fun!) as possible for the target age group. In the process, we consult with trusted parenting and family coaches, teachers, homeschoolers, and growth mindset experts.

Then the content is passed onto one of our talented illustrators and designers trained in how to best communicate to kids through art.

But we're not finished here. Before we make our resources available, we put them through a rigorous "field test." Our team includes 22 children who provide honest (as if kids could be anything but!) reviews of all our material before anything goes live! If it passes with flying colors, it's officially released to our community.

How did Big Life Journal start?

Big Life Journal began in 2017 when founders Alexandra and Scott decided to create child-friendly resources to develop a growth mindset.

The husband and wife team experienced first-hand the life changing benefits of a growth mindset and, once they became parents, began searching for personal development tools they could use with their son.

However, Alexandra and Scott were only able to find concepts of mindset, resilience, and self-esteem for adults and weren't able to find any resources specifically designed for children.

It was then they decided to create their own resources using language and stories kids could relate to and easily understand. They launched a Kickstarter project, and it quickly gained momentum. Through support from parents and educators like you, the couple raised enough to fund the first print of Big Life Journals.

Since then, Big Life Journal has continued to grow, with word quickly spreading around the world!

Today, Big Life Journal resources are used in hundreds of thousands of homes and schools around the world and the community has grown to over 500,000 parents and educators.

Get the support you need!

We know how overwhelming it can be to start; there is so much to learn and there are so many resources to choose from.

We've been there - so we've got your back! By joining our community, you will get FREE support and access to parenting experts, coaches, and like-minded parents.
Join our Facebook or Instagram communities to ask your questions and get the support you need!

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What is the Big Life Journal? As a parent, you want your kids to be confident and resilient with high self-esteem and ambition to achieve great things in life. You want them to have a positive outlook on life and try new things.

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With more than 250 episodes and 3 million downloads, the Tilt Parenting Podcast is a top podcast about learning disabilities, special education, ADHD, autism, giftedness, twice-exceptionality, and more. The weekly show features transformational interviews and conversations with authors, parenting experts, educators, and other parents, as well as insightful conversations between Debbie and her differently wired child, all aimed at supporting parents raising differently wired kids.

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A podcast about parenting children with learning disabilities and more

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With more than 250 episodes and 3 million downloads, the Tilt Parenting Podcast is a top podcast about learning disabilities, special education, ADHD, autism, giftedness, twice-exceptionality, and more. The weekly show features transformational interviews and conversations with authors, parenting experts, educators, and other parents, as well as insightful conversations between Debbie and her differently wired child, all aimed at supporting parents raising differently wired kids.

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Elementary Curriculum

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Parent Guide

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Free Social Work Tools and Resources: SocialWorkersToolbox.com

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Over 200 worksheets, assessment tools, information handouts, storybooks and games; all sorted into thematic categories such as mental health, domestic abuse, CSE, adoption etc.

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My child/students need to work on...

Pick a Subject

Being a better listener

Follow your heart and do your best

How to deal
with bullying

Making the most
of things

Managing anger

Telling the truth

The benefits and importance of sharing

Follow food and screen watching rules

Belonging, special needs

Fair play, teamwork & winning isn't everything

Fear and courage

Trust is earned, it's OK to say no and "stranger danger"

Manners do matter

Get along
with others

Loss of pet or
loved one
X

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Parenting Videos - We Do Listen Foundation

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Please feel welcome to contact us by phone or email.

We are located at #40-797 Hillside Avenue, Victoria, British Columbia. Counselling available various hours Tuesday through Saturday.

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Tina Leist & Associates - The Pink House

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Please feel welcome to contact us by phone or email. We are located at #40-797 Hillside Avenue, Victoria, British Columbia. Counselling available various hours Tuesday through Saturday.

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ACES-Adverse Childhood Index and Toxic Stress

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ACES-Adverse Childhood Index and Toxic Stress

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Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University

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What are ACEs?

The term "ACEs" is an acronym for Adverse Childhood Experiences. It originated in a groundbreaking study conducted in 1995 by the Centers for Disease Control and the Kaiser Permanente health care organization in California. In that study, "ACEs" referred to three specific kinds of adversity children faced in the home environment-various forms of physical and emotional abuse, neglect, and household dysfunction. The key findings of dozens of studies using the original ACEs data are: (1) ACEs are quite common, even among a middle-class population: more than two-thirds of the population report experiencing one ACE, and nearly a quarter have experienced three or more. (2) There is a powerful, persistent correlation between the more ACEs experienced and the greater the chance of poor outcomes later in life, including dramatically increased risk of heart disease, diabetes, obesity, depression, substance abuse, smoking, poor academic achievement, time out of work, and early death.

How do ACEs relate to toxic stress?

ACEs research shows the correlation between early adversity and poor outcomes later in life. Toxic stress explains how ACEs "get under the skin" and trigger biological reactions that lead to those outcomes. In the early 2000s, the National Scientific Council on the Developing Child coined the term " toxic stress " to describe extensive, scientific knowledge about the effects of excessive activation of stress response systems on a child's developing brain, as well as the immune system, metabolic regulatory systems, and cardiovascular system. Experiencing ACEs triggers all of these interacting stress response systems. When a child experiences multiple ACEs over time-especially without supportive relationships with adults to provide buffering protection-the experiences will trigger an excessive and long-lasting stress response, which can have a wear-and-tear effect on the body, like revving a car engine for days or weeks at a time.

Importantly, the Council also expanded its definition of adversity beyond the categories that were the focus of the initial ACE study to include community and systemic causes-such as violence in the child's community and experiences with racism and chronic poverty-because the body's stress response does not distinguish between overt threats from inside or outside the home environment, it just recognizes when there is a threat, and goes on high alert.

What is trauma, and how does it connect to ACEs and toxic stress?

While trauma has many definitions, typically in psychology it refers to an experience of serious adversity or terror-or the emotional or psychological response to that experience. Trauma-informed care or services are characterized by an understanding that problematic behaviors may need to be treated as a result of the ACEs or other traumatic experiences someone has had, as opposed to addressing them as simply willful and/or punishable actions.

What can we do to help mitigate the effects of ACEs?

People who have experienced significant adversity (or many ACEs) are not irreparably damaged. There is a spectrum of potential responses to ACEs and their possible chain of developmental harm that can help a person recover from trauma caused by toxic stress.

At the most intensive end of the spectrum are therapeutic interventions, ranging from in-patient treatment to regular sessions with a mental health professional, which are designed specifically to deal with serious trauma.

Trauma-informed care or practice is less intensive, but affects how practitioners in a range of fields, such as social work, medicine, and education, work with people who have experienced toxic stress, and reflects an awareness of the harm that has occurred and takes that into account. There are also many less-intensive practices that can help individuals reduce the effects of stress-from meditation and breathing exercises, to physical exercise and social supports.

ACEs-based screening and referral is an increasingly common approach, in which individuals are given an ACE score based on a brief survey of their own personal history of ACEs. This can indicate a general, non-specific sense of increased risk based on population-level probabilities, but it cannot predict accurately how any one individual will fare. In other words, a high ACE score can serve as a rough first screener to identify people who may benefit from services, but it cannot tell you what specifically you are at risk for, nor what to do about it.

The ideal approach to ACEs is one that prevents the need for all levels of services: by reducing the sources of stress in people's lives, whether basic needs like food, housing, and diapers, or more entrenched sources of stress, like substance abuse, mental illness, violent relationships, community crime, discrimination, or poverty. Supporting responsive relationships with a parent or caregiver can also help to buffer a child from the effects of stress, and helping children and adults build their core life skills-such as planning, focus, and self-control-can strengthen the building blocks of resilience. These three principles-reducing stress, building responsive relationships, and strengthening life skills-are the best way to prevent the long-term effects of ACEs.

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What Are ACEs? And How Do They Relate to Toxic Stress?

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The term "ACEs" is an acronym for Adverse Childhood Experiences. It originated in a groundbreaking study conducted in 1995 by the Centers for Disease Control and the Kaiser Permanente health care organization in California. In that study, "ACEs" referred to three specific kinds of adversity children faced in the home environment-various forms of physical and emotional abuse, neglect, and household dysfunction.

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Family and Children's Trust Fund of Virginia

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Family and Children's Trust Fund of Virginia

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Helping Traumatized Children Learn-Trauma and Learning Policy Initiative (TLPI)

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Helping Traumatized Children Learn-Trauma and Learning Policy Initiative (TLPI)

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Frequently Asked Questions about Trauma-Sensitive Schools

What is a trauma-sensitive school?

A trauma-sensitive school is one in which all students feel safe, welcomed, and supported and where addressing trauma's impact on learning on a school-wide basis is at the center of its educational mission. It is a place where an on-going, inquiry-based process allows for the necessary teamwork, coordination, creativity and sharing of responsibility for all students, and where continuous learning is for educators as well as students.
Read more about the attributes of a trauma-sensitive school.
Why does trauma sensitivity require a whole-school approach?

The nature of trauma is that it can cause feelings of disconnection from the school community that undermine students' success. Experts explain that a welcoming, supportive community can help children overcome these feelings and diminish the severity of the trauma response. As schools are communities for children, these findings reinforce what many educators and parents already know implicitly -that a supportive school-wide environment can play a significant role in addressing the needs of students who have endured traumatic experiences.

It is critical that children feel safe and connected to others in all parts of the school not just in one program or with one teacher. Furthermore, if students are to solidify their skills in developing relationships, in self-regulation, and in academic and nonacademic areas, and use these skills to participate fully in the school community, they need to practice and become fluent using them everywhere in the building, not only in one class or small group. Finally, school staff will not always now if a given child's problems grow out of traumatic experiences. The best approach is to make sure we provide trauma-sensitive learning environments for all children. A whole-school approach that values teamwork, coordination, and collaboration will enhance the school experience for all.
Read more about a whole-school approach to trauma sensitivity.
Should schools engage in the process of screening for students who have experienced traumatic events?

It is not appropriate or necessary to screen all children in an attempt to identify which ones have had traumatic experiences. This can further stigmatize students who may already feel alienated and, potentially, cause more harm. It is also difficult to ensure that disseminating a child's trauma history is handled with appropriate care and responsiveness at a school. Many experts feel that children who speak with their teachers about their experiences often later feel regret and withdraw from these much needed relationships. This does not negate the obligation of teachers to report reasonable suspicions of child abuse or neglect, but rather serves as a warning against probing into the particular details of a traumatic event. When students disclose abuse or neglect to an educator, it is very important to comply with educators' obligation to report. But addressing trauma's impact on learning does not depend on having full information about a student's traumatic experiences. The best approach is to ensure that trauma-sensitive learning environments are provided for all children, regardless of whether an individual student is known to have a traumatic history.

What's the difference between the terms "trauma-sensitive" and "trauma-informed"?

The term "trauma-sensitive" school describes a school in which all students feel safe, welcomed, and supported and where addressing trauma's impact on learning on a school-wide basis is at the center of its educational mission. The focus is on creating a whole-school culture that serves as a foundation for all students to learn and experience success at school.

The term "trauma-informed" arose in the behavioral health field. According to SAMHSA, "trauma-informed" refers to the delivery of behavioral health services in a way that "includes an understanding of trauma and an awareness of the impact it can have across settings, services, and population."

TLPI believes it is important to distinguish between the terms "trauma-sensitive" and "trauma-informed" in order to recognize the different roles of schools and behavioral health providers. The term "trauma-sensitive" helps emphasize that educators are not expected to take on the role of therapists. It also helps emphasize that, while behavioral health services will be an important part of the effort, helping traumatized children learn at school requires more-it also requires a school-wide culture that helps children feel safe and supported in all parts of the school.

What is the difference between a whole-school inquiry-based process for becoming trauma sensitive and a program-oriented approach?

Unlike some educational programs that emphasize fidelity to a pre-established template, a whole-school inquiry-based process for creating a trauma-sensitive school is fluid and embraces the unique circumstances of each individual school community. Such a process empowers educators to look holistically at their school's infrastructure and gain greater clarity about the ways in which its school operations may be encouraging or hindering success. It describes a process for overcoming these barriers so that the school can address locally identified priorities in trauma-sensitive ways. The goal of such a process is for schools to become trauma-sensitive learning communities where new ideas and expansive thinking are nurtured and where synergy and teamwork make it possible to explore complex issues.

What is TLPI's model of systemic change?

Making trauma sensitivity a regular part of how our nation's schools are run will require everyone - parents, educators, administrators, behavioral health providers, advocates, and more - working, learning, and advocating together. TLPI focuses first on learning from some of our most vulnerable families and their children about what students need; we do this through representing families in our Education Law Clinic at Harvard Law School. We also work directly with educators in schools to learn what they require to address students' needs. We bring what we learn from families and educators-along with up-to-date research-together to produce publications, and we work across disciplines and with parents to create a collaborative advocacy agenda. All of this growing knowledge informs our advocacy for laws, policies and funding streams that set the conditions for schools to become trauma sensitive learning environments where all students can succeed.
Further information about TLPI's model of systemic change.

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Frequently Asked Questions - Trauma Sensitive Schools

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A trauma-sensitive school is one in which all students feel safe, welcomed, and supported and where addressing trauma's impact on learning on a school-wide basis is at the center of its educational mission. It is a place where an on-going, inquiry-based process allows for the necessary teamwork, coordination, creativity and sharing of responsibility for all students, and where continuous learning is for educators as well as students.

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Many parents assume that nothing can be done about their nightly struggle to help their child with ASD go to sleep and stay asleep throughout the night. However, research is demonstrating that although common, poor sleep in children with ASD can be tackled effectively and that parent training is key to success. A good night's sleep is fundamental to all children being able to learn and for their parents to function. This event is relevant to both professionals and parents who are looking for practical steps that parents can take to reap the benefits of improved family health and quality of life. While developed specific to autism, many of the strategies that Dr. Malow will describe are relevant to children with a range of special needs.

Topics include:

Overview of Sleep Issues in Autism

Best Practices in Sleep Screening

Practical Sleep Screening

Working with your Health Care Provider

Behavioral Treatment - Strategies from Vanderbilt's Parent Sleep Education Program

Practical Behavioral Treatment

designing a program for a parent volunteer based on their child's sleep habits; constructing bedtime routine

inviting a parent volunteer to design a program for their child.

About the Presenter
Dr. Beth Ann Malow is the Burry Chair in Cognitive Childhood Development, Professor of Neurology and Pediatrics, and Director of Vanderbilt University's Sleep Division. Dr. Malow is the co-author of Solving Sleep Problems in Children with Autism Spectrum Disorders - a Guide for Frazzled Parents. A parent of two children with ASD, Dr. Malow has great compassion for parents and a deep understanding of the practical techniques that parents can use to improve attention and behavior and lessen anxiety through better sleep.

Part 1: Overview of Sleep Issues in ASD (25:51)

Part 2: Standards of Sleep Screening and Screening Tools (10:33)

Part 3: Q&A (22:24)

Part 4: Sleep Screening - Insomnia and Obstructive Sleep Apnea (17:50)

Part 5: Sleep Study - Sleep-Disordered Breathing and Restless Leg (9:14)

Part 6: EEG for Nocturnal Events and Safety Measures (16:09)

Key idea: cell phone videos can be useful aid in diagnosis.

Video examples in this section have been blurred for privacy.

Part 7: Monitoring Techniques at Home and Actigraphy (7:30)

Part 8: Guidelines for Medication Treatment (12:47)

Part 9: Q&A (29:14)

Key question: What is feasible for you as a family?

Part 10: Successful Sleep: Daytime Habits, Evening Habits and Sleep Environment (15:06)

Book: Goodnight iPad

Part 11: Sleep Needs and Timing (10:16)

Part 12: Bedtime Routine Visual Schedule, Worksheet and Q&A (12:02)

Part 13: Parent Volunteer Demo: Sleep Habit Questionnaire (17:15)

Part 14: Parent Volunteer Demo: FISH (19:44)

Part 15: Parent Volunteer Demo: Bedtime Routines Worksheet and Q&A (9:31)

Part 16: Sleep Resistance, Strategies For Night Waking and Q&A (16:51)

Part 17: Bedtime Pass and Other Strategies (12:34)

Part 18: Current Research and Final Q&A (19:51)

Want more? Online interview with Dr. Malow

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Solving Sleep Problems in Children with ASD

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Many parents assume that nothing can be done about their nightly struggle to help their child with ASD go to sleep and stay asleep throughout the night. However, research is demonstrating that although common, poor sleep in children with ASD can be tackled effectively and that parent training is key to success.