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I felt jealous of a friend: not for a single opportunity, but for a series of times he would just get “advanced” money for a new instrument or to travel to NYC or London…but looking at it now, I’ve probably benefited just as much from others’ generosity…and have hopefully shown a little myself

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Playing a packed fraternity house at my college on a Saturday night, when our short-lived fusion band was at its peak. Everybody knew everybody: there was a connection and empathy with and from the audience that could never be replicated.

A quieter highlight was the “grand opening” of two friends’ restaurant bar. I’d already played there once or twice before (hence the quotes) and was a regular doing mostly-instrumental dinner music. But this was meant to be a celebration, and a little rowdier. By luck, the battery in my acoustic died, so I just played my electric archtop, which can do most acoustic stuff fine, and more if the rock stuff. Anyway it fit me and that room just right that night, which helped me solo and even sing more confidently, which I’m turn made it easy to maintain a fun & relaxed rapport with the audience.

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Seeing a large scale cover band for the first time at the local fairgrounds. Just doing Bad Company, Cars and ZZ Top covers, but there was so much power, and it felt so real to me, like all the records I’d been listening to brought to life.

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you know, i don't think i need to do the same kind of performances i did before pandemic. i want some scaled down, scaled back stuff to play at house concerts that when i play it'll give me the same good vibes i feel when i bake someone a cake. that's where i'm at.

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you know, i don't think i need to do the same kind of performances i did before pandemic. i want some scaled down, scaled back stuff to play at house concerts that when i play it'll give me the same good vibes i feel when i bake someone a cake. that's where i'm at.

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Less past, less future, more present moment. Focus on the community and not the individual!

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Write something that taps into the same thing that the music I loved did, and have people hear it and have it mean something to them the way that music did for me. Venue / format doesn't matter so much. Headphones would be fine!

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The word "goal" implies something linear to me: a timeline, a deadline, final, static. I find my musical/creative life is more cyclical in nature and something that I'm constantly experiencing with opportunities that I'm hoping for coming in and out of focus.

I do think I'd like to make more time in my life for live performances, jams, etc. once covid isn't such a huge impediment!

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The term "goal" is maybe a poor fit for this idea, but: continuously riding an edge of change and growth, finding a place/modality to function within that is familiar enough for me to be articulate and sensitive within it, but also foreign enough for me to be deeply engaged with sorting through an unknown space, manifesting spontaneous new elements out of uncertainty.

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The term "goal" is maybe a poor fit for this idea, but: continuously riding an edge of change and growth, finding a place/modality to function within that is familiar enough for me to be articulate and sensitive within it, but also foreign enough for me to be deeply engaged with sorting through an unknown space, manifesting spontaneous new elements out of uncertainty.

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Fear can definitely a hinderance of what we can and can not due as well as who we surround ourselves. Learning to conquering it and surrounding yourself with positive people and open more more motivation, learning opportunities, and inspirtation as well as motivation

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Fear can definitely a hinderance of what we can and can not due as well as who we surround ourselves. Learning to conquering it and surrounding yourself with positive people and open more more motivation, learning opportunities, and inspirtation as well as motivation

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Writing for myself to perform, not just writing for others and performing others' work. For some reason I've always been intimidated by that!

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Writing for myself to perform, not just writing for others and performing others' work. For some reason I've always been intimidated by that!

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its about doing wHAt you are aching to do. "use the good china even if is plastic". do it now...like even if your playing is compromised, have the solo concert anyway.

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To have my compositions be requested (without prompting) for performance

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To have my compositions be requested (without prompting) for performance

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produce an indie hit--hopefully only 2-3 years away!

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produce an indie hit--hopefully only 2-3 years away!

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I've admired the technique of some performers very much and been envious of it. Later, I've realized that there's no music I'm inspired to make that requires that kind of technique. I've also realized that, after getting over being dazzled by the technique, I haven't actually enjoyed the music that much.

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I've admired the technique of some performers very much and been envious of it. Later, I've realized that there's no music I'm inspired to make that requires that kind of technique. I've also realized that, after getting over being dazzled by the technique, I haven't actually enjoyed the music that much.

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I was jealous of people's confidence rather than opportunities that they would get

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I was jealous of people's confidence rather than opportunities that they would get

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observing how "the hang" is just as effective and sometimes more effective at creating opportunities than the work you could put in on your own

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observing how "the hang" is just as effective and sometimes more effective at creating opportunities than the work you could put in on your own

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I don't remember one. All good!

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1) We each have a unique spot in the whole, 2) Fear of other's success is the wrong motivation when not doing something yourself, 3) We're not competitors to be in the big picture of artistry

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Group consensus is that competitiveness sucks...

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I'm jealous when someone has an exciting project that is through a relative or personal/social relationship

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I'm jealous when someone has an exciting project that is through a relative or personal/social relationship

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I become jealous when I see another arranger write for a great ensemble, and I didn't get that chance, especially when I know or feel that I'm better than them.  I have to remind myself that that's their blessing/opportunity, not mine.

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I am very uncompetitive. I do, however, deeply resent it when sh*t floats to the top. 

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I am very uncompetitive. I do, however, deeply resent it when sh*t floats to the top. 

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jealousy of other's opportunities arising from non-career relationships, such as working with a successful childhood friend or relative or...

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Singing with my parents. Dad passed away 9 years ago and the memories have become more satisfying over time.

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watching students new to improvisation go for it and be fearless in their first concert

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watching students new to improvisation go for it and be fearless in their first concert

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making/composing a musical experience for students and watching them enjoy it!

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making/composing a musical experience for students and watching them enjoy it!

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1) Audience was so immersed that they were dead silent at the conclusion of performance.  2) When the audience clearly 'got it' in the context of a new work. 3) Original work performance with positive feedback.

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1) Audience was so immersed that they were dead silent at the conclusion of performance.  2) When the audience clearly 'got it' in the context of a new work. 3) Original work performance with positive feedback.

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Performing my first live-stream show solo, for my Birthday Dec 2020...

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Free improv with a group of people in reality.

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The result of a piece I wrote and re-wrote for a dance company over 10 days with daily revisions .Most fun work I have ever done.

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The result of a piece I wrote and re-wrote for a dance company over 10 days with daily revisions .Most fun work I have ever done.

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collaborating with my no-wave trio. we would meet and write together and spend 2hrs at a time, writing and arranging every second in person. When we didn't know what came next, we would search by jamming. then SUDDENLY, we'd find it in the middle of playing....we would all lock eyes and know we found it

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It was very special performing the percussion break in the larger context of this piece...

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It was very special performing the percussion break in the larger context of this piece...

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Methuselah II (Masuro Tanaka) - CUC Wind Symphony

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Having my music performed often makes me feel like some of my self-control is undermined by how deeply it affects me. I find that release/surrender deeply satisfying.

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Having my music performed often makes me feel like some of my self-control is undermined by how deeply it affects me. I find that release/surrender deeply satisfying.

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biggest advice - you need to play how you'd sing it or you'll never feel it.  The movement/the meaning won't connect unless you're feeling like you're talking/singing to the audience.  

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biggest advice - you need to play how you'd sing it or you'll never feel it.  The movement/the meaning won't connect unless you're feeling like you're talking/singing to the audience.  

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feeling powerful - like the most of myself that i can be!

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feeling powerful - like the most of myself that i can be!

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playing live music for the first time last residency made me feel high for days

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playing live music for the first time last residency made me feel high for days

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I remember a lot of meta-levels of satisfaction, i.e. having a conflicted or ambiguous musical experience, but feeling a growing satisfaction over the following days and weeks as the experience progressively integrated with/contributed to my broader interpretations of my life experiences.

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I remember a lot of meta-levels of satisfaction, i.e. having a conflicted or ambiguous musical experience, but feeling a growing satisfaction over the following days and weeks as the experience progressively integrated with/contributed to my broader interpretations of my life experiences.

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playing in a big circle for hours with 19 other bassists, all very different musical personalities

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playing in a big circle for hours with 19 other bassists, all very different musical personalities

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Participating in international choral festival as a 13 year old. First experience traveling abroad as well, so total culture bomb while experiencing overwhelming level of musical collaboration.

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The first time I heard Kiri TeKanawa sing Strauss Four Last Songs; the first Mahler 2nd; Ravi Shankar at Monterey Pop.

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Listening to Rhapsody in Blue, alone in a dark room at age 11 or 12. First experience of concert music as being transcendent

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Listening to Rhapsody in Blue, alone in a dark room at age 11 or 12. First experience of concert music as being transcendent

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In Sept 2021 I got to take part in a choir tour with Northern Harmony, got to teach and perform 2 of my compositions in our program. After years of not singing in a group, it was such an amazing, heart-warming experience to sing and play instruments non-stop for almost 2 weeks - A "consuming" experience...

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Seeing Jazz legends like Miles Davis etc. in person in the 60s.

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Reading a book about Wagner and listening to the examples

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Reading a book about Wagner and listening to the examples

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After an intense gig with a punk-rockabilly band, my buddy Dave and I drove home. The band morale was pretty low and, despite having some fun at the gig--playing all choatic-like, were just in "a mood." Dave asked me to put something on so I put on "Through the Fire" by Chaka Khan. It hit both of us hard and was a fantastic deep cleanse

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Listening to Songs in the Key of Life by Stevie Wonder in 1976 on my Aunt's stereo on her shag carpet.  Changed my life and melted my brain.

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Listening to Songs in the Key of Life by Stevie Wonder in 1976 on my Aunt's stereo on her shag carpet.  Changed my life and melted my brain.

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Pink Floyd - Wish You Were Here in middle school changed my life!

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Pink Floyd - Wish You Were Here in middle school changed my life!

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Traveled to Europe with Father and recorded Jewish orchestral music with Slovak Radio Symphony. First time dad had been back to Europe after surviving the Holocaust. It was an incredibly healing experience for him and connecting with the musicians was important for me.

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On the way home from Radiohead concert - hour and a half in a rowdy train full of strangers singing together all the way home - incredibly organic, subversive and magical.

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On the way home from Radiohead concert - hour and a half in a rowdy train full of strangers singing together all the way home - incredibly organic, subversive and magical.