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There is an incessant, agonizing sensation in my head. A golden orange furious flame that lingers like a wildfire in a savanna. This sensation tingles like sleeping limbs and aches like aged joints. It is an enraged dog with no teeth to bite. I can not tell if it is a product of my own self-infliction or a secretive memento of my mind.

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Being the loveable fat friend is not as great as it may seem. my whole life i have been recognized as the fat friend that everyone used as a punching bag and an easy target for insults and all you can do is laugh it off and make it seem like everything is okay. 

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Being the loveable fat friend is not as great as it may seem. my whole life i have been recognized as the fat friend that everyone used as a punching bag and an easy target for insults and all you can do is laugh it off and make it seem like everything is okay. 

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Approaching the elementary school from the parking lot it looked like nothing I had seen before, they had a full playground and all classes were inside. There I stood at the entrance of the school in my pink sweater and blue jeans. As a 7-year-old that did not speak a single word of English, I was a nervous wreck for what was ahead of me. I was walked to a classroom by a secretary and sat next to a blonde boy who laughed when I said “hola” to his “hi”. I felt extremely out of place, with a stomach ache that only got worse throughout the day.

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The idea of death doesn’t scare me. I wonder sometimes though, what it’s like to die; how it feels.

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The idea of death doesn’t scare me. I wonder sometimes though, what it’s like to die; how it feels.

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I'm happy despite not reaching happiness.

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I'm happy despite not reaching happiness.

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Being surrounded by people scares me and being alone also scares me, but at the same time, I feel comforted by those two extremities. I had been encased in a room I'd built myself, always longing to open the door and take a step out, but shrinking back whenever it cracked open. But I met someone who has brought me out of that room, someone who I feel safe with, where no matter how the world outside makes me want to shrink back through that door, he became my new and only door. He became everything I needed, everything I wanted, everything I couldn't have. My door became a window, where I sit and smile, acknowledging that I'll never get my happily ever after that lies beyond the glass. But I'm...fine with that...as long as my window to the outside remains.

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Numerous people aspire to have children, get married, and attend college, but often the challenges that come with these pursuits are neglected.

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Life is filled with various obstacles that we cannot control and much rather have to deal with. My life, since young,  has been riddled with various challenges that come with being the oldest daughter in a Hispanic family. Memorizing passwords, translating at appointments, important documents, and so much more.  Having to learn to multitask at a young age to manage them and their lives has also taken a toll on me.

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Childhood for me was a large smearing blur of neon gym shorts and failing at sports, of course being an un-diagnosed kid with severe ADHD didn't help. Yet as I continue on through my life the childhood I never remembered slowly comes back to me; dreams, nightmares, and recollections start to hit the keys on that old skeleton organ from The Goonies sitting in my hippocampus that lead me to remember some of the best (and worst), experiences I've ever had. Anything from rearranging Pokemon cards to marrying dolls to stealing my older siblings game consoles comes back and steals my sleep. All of these memories that stick in my brain leave me with a question, what next?

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She shouted as loud as she could, "Danell! Es importante para ti!" My mother never failed to remind me it was important to do this or do that, but what she failed to tell me was precisely _how_ I could accomplish all the tasks she was asking of me....

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She shouted as loud as she could, "Danell! Es importante para ti!" My mother never failed to remind me it was important to do this or do that, but what she failed to tell me was precisely _how_ I could accomplish all the tasks she was asking of me....

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I am about to tell you so mind-boggling that your brain might implode. This delectable little secret single-highhandedly changed the entire course of my existence.  I am a pickle.

I am a pickle not because I smell like vinegar or am lumpy and green...

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Have you heard the cliche expression about life being like a box of chocolates? My life has been more of a box of half-eaten chocolates, tossed aside but ... yada yada?

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Have you heard the cliche expression about life being like a box of chocolates? My life has been more of a box of half-eaten chocolates, tossed aside but ... yada yada?

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I was stuck in this void that emptied into nothingness. A great disappointment to everyone that had great expectations. But much like the novel, Great Expectations by Charles Dickens being conscious of who you are and what you want depletes the nurture of the world sculpting you into an image. A cliche of words and experience led to the internal question “Could I be more than I let myself?”

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She came. She saw. She stumbled. Instead of conquering, I stumbled in my youth. I...

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She came. She saw. She stumbled. Instead of conquering, I stumbled in my youth. I...

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No one explains how to handle your father's absence and the enormous switch in your life. No one teaches you how to express yourself when you watch your immigrant mother make a life for herself and want the best for her daughters while hurting inside. No one talks about how your parental marriage difficulties can affect mental health and can completely change your perspective on the world.