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Incivility is defined as rude or unsociable speech or behavior.

It can also be described as a low intensity deviant behavior with ambiguous intent to harm the target, in violation of workplace norms for mutual respect and courtesy(1).

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Incivility can be subtle or overt. Here are a few examples(2):

SUBTLE

asking for input and then ignoring it

"forgetting" to share credit for a collaborative work

speaking with a condescending tone

side conversations during a formal business meeting/presentation

OVERT

disrupting meetings

overruling decisions without giving a reason

disrespecting workers by comments, gestures or proven behaviors (hostility) based on characteristics such as their race, religion, gender, etc.

giving public reprimand

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DON'T

Fighting fire with fire is not recommended and could potentially make the problem worse. Example: you were rude to me, I’m going to be rude to you!

Don't let emotions drive decisions.

Don't assume anything -- try to communicate first.

DO

Pick your battles and avoid conflict for the sake of conflict. If the issue is important, communicate calmly.

View conflict as an opportunity for growth. Where there is disagreement there is an inherent potential for growth and development.

Talk to people, not about people

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What To Do If You Have Been Affected By Workplace Conflict (4)

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What To Do If You Have Been Affected By Workplace Conflict (4)

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10 Steps to Resolving Conflict

1. Schedule a meeting to address the problem, preferably at a neutral place.

2. Set ground rules. Ask all parties to treat each other with respect and to make an effort to listen and understand others’ views.

3. Ask each participant to describe the conflict, including desired changes. Direct participants to use “I” statements, not “you” statements. They should focus on specific behaviors and problems rather than people.

4. Ask participants to restate what others have said.Summarize the conflict based on what you have heard and obtain agreement from participants.

5. Brainstorm solutions. Discuss all of the options in a positive manner.

6. Rule out any options that participants agree are unworkable.

7. Summarize all possible options for a solution.

8. Assign further analysis of each option to individual participants.

9. Make sure all parties agree on the next steps.

10. Close the meeting by asking participants to shake hands, apologize and thank each other for working to resolve the conflict.

When Should HR Get Involved?
HR professionals and conflict management experts recommend that HR get involved in workplace conflicts when:

Employees are threatening to quit over the problem. Recruiting and training are expensive; it’s often cheaper to work out a solution.

Disagreements are getting personal, and respect between employees is being lost.

Conflicts are affecting morale and organizational success.

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1. https://www.hrzone.com/perform/people/what-is-workplace-incivility-why-should-we-care-and-what-should-we-do

2. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Workplace_incivility#Subtle.2Fcovert_examples

3. https://www.forbes.com/sites/mikemyatt/2012/02/22/5-keys-to-dealing-with-workplace-conflict/#4e4bcae61e95

4. https://www.shrm.org/hr-today/news/hr-magazine/pages/070815-conflict-management.aspx