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I think I spend too much of my time on social media. The first thing I do in the morning is open my Facebook and the last thing I do before I unconsciously fall asleep is retweet everything I see on Twitter. Every notification makes me anxious to the point that my heart beats fast every time I check my notifs. Am I getting cancelled once more? Why am I receiving too many notifications? Questions like those come rushing in my head. Additionally, social media makes me really, really unproductive. College is near and I am certain that I will need to really lessen the time I spend on social media and focus on academics.

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As much as I want to know my true identity, I think I need to slow down. I often get pressured seeing that people of the same age as mine have already found their identity. I have a feeling that the Gab that I am today is a combination of all my friends' identities -- my music taste, my personality, the way I talk to people. I adopted literally everything from others, and therefore, I am having hard time finding out who I really am. However, I should not be speeding things up. I need to take things slowly but surely.

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Well, for me, rest is not necessarily a nap or a sleep. Rest is vibing to my current favorite songs. Rest is watching the next anime episode from where I left last, last week. Rest is playing with my younger siblings.

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Of all things, I fear being forgotten. In my 17 years of existing (living and wanting to die at the same time), I hope I have already left a mark on someone. Like, whenever they hear my name, I wish they would remember me as the person who finds peace in other's company and comfort in the warmth of their hugs. I really enjoy being with someone and physically showing my affection to them, and I wish, we have hugged even once in our life, or at least they saw me hug other people with a smile plastered on my face.

I also wish to hear that I am doing great and that people are proud of me. I always want to feel validated.

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Gab, and I get easily attached to people. It's not difficult to make me laugh, and whenever you do, you make me feel loved. From then on, I'll start looking out for you and showering you with my affection (although people sometimes get annoyed with this, I'm sorry). If you need help, I'll be very willing to help. Just hit me up :>

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Currently, I feel that I desperately need to fix my horrendous sleeping schedule. Although I sometimes stay up late due to finishing school requirements, I usually stay up late doing other things such as playing video games instead of sleeping. I think that I should change this and start sleeping early because my body has really been starting to feel the effects of sleeping late recently. I feel way more sleepy during the mornings and afternoons of the weekdays, and I now usually wake up around 4 pm or 5 pm on the weekends.

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Recently, I feel that I have been thinking way too much about school requirements and rushing in order to finish them. Although it is important to prioritize your school work in order to be able to submit everything on time, I don’t think that I have had many opportunities to practice self care. This is because the current quarter’s subjects are really requirement heavy and there have been a lot of submissions due every week. I think that I should give myself more breaks and slow down as self care is important, and because the quality of my work decreases if I rush things.

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Personally, I feel like the best way I can give myself a break is to hop on Discord and socialize with my closest friends in a voice call. Whenever I feel stressed, this is my go to option in order to relieve myself. I can play a game with them, watch anime with them, or simply just chill and have a conversation with them. Although this may sound simple, I always cherish the time I spend with my friends as hanging out with them makes me really happy.

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Although this may sound simple, I want to be praised for all the hard work I have been doing in school, especially in the online class setting. Requirements have been more demanding than ever and usually, only the teachers can see how much effort we put in through our submissions. I think that being praised will highly encourage me to persevere against all of the requirements which we currently have.

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Although I may be quiet at times, I can be really talkative if you get to know me. I am always willing to be a friend to anyone and although I may not always be the best help, I will always be there for anyone who needs it.

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I am Joseph, and I help anyone who is in need. I would usually put others first than myself. I would listen to anyone without any judge, as I do my best being open to everyone and anyone. I may not be talkative or anything, but I'm very approachable and trust others pretty easily. I enjoy most people's company, as it makes me happy talking with anyone. I will always do my best becoming a true friend to you, being there in your darkest times. Just ask help from me! :DD

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There are separations in terms of my "time" with others: myself, family, friends, and school. "Myself" also has two parts where one focuses on self enhancing, while the other focuses on enjoying time with myself. With all of these, I usually focus on 1 or 2 "time" with others, which kind of ruins the balance of relationship with one out of the other. That is why I want to try and gain the ability of balancing time with others and myself properly, efficiently, and better in general.

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Everything Because of School Requirements

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Everything Because of School Requirements

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School has been on my mind for almost 24/7 ever since the 2nd quarter took place. It has hindered in my growth both physically, mentally, and spiritually. It has slowed down my improvement in all aspects of myself. Despite wanting to become a better person as a whole, I can't seem to do it because I'm very tired, or I'm still doing something. To add to this, technical difficulties in this time of needs is not really helping at all. I really want the school to chill down a bit, so I can find time to improve myself, and actually learn something in school.

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I would really want to take a break from everything today, but school just keeps piling up, even if I do it early or not. It's almost impossible to get one full day of just sleeping, resting, bonding with friends and family, etc. In recent troubles of technical difficulties, it's very hard to just find a time where I could just stop and take a break from anything that's stressful as it affects me mentally, physically, and emotionally. The best break I can have is at 11pm-12am, where I can finally have "me time" instead of school time.

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For as long as I can remember, I've been doing good deeds, and it makes me happy and feel filled. But as time goes by, I realize that it becomes less satisfying and makes me not as happy as before, when I help people. I think it's mainly because, usually when I help people, I feel like I'm just being used for their own needs (which happens quite often actually). I feel like I'm not being welcomed by people much. I just want to feel and hear someone appreciating all my efforts that I have done.

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Julia, and I like to give whatever I can give to people who are important to me. I always try to understand where someone is coming from, and I listen to whatever they have to say. I continuously try to be the best version for myself and for others, so that I can learn to help them in any way. Usually, I am not the first one to open up, because I will always want to listen to other people first.

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This year, I find myself actually spending so much of my time doing schoolwork then being too tired to try other things, since I am already in bed anyway. Now, I really want to try to fit in more activities into my schedule like reading, learning other interesting topics, crocheting, baking, and spending time with others. I hope to form a habit of trying to be productive every day instead of spending it doing the same routine all the time.

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I feel like when things aren't the best during my life, I always try to make a plan in my head to compensate for whatever I did. For example, if I spend too much on buying new clothes or items, I try to think about how I will get the money I spent back in the future even if it is far off. I think I really need to be more in the present and take my time not to think of these things all the time.

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I think I would be doing myself a favor by listening to whatever my mind or body wants. If I am craving something, then I will go ahead and eat it in moderation without worrying about how this can affect my appearance. If I am in the mood to take a moment to watch some videos or go on my phone for a while, I will listen to what my mind wants and trust whatever my body and mind is asking for. Since, if I continue to deprive myself of what I want all the time, then I will just get stressed and drained.

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No matter what situation I am in, if it is a personal problem, school work, other requirements. I want to be reminded that as long as I start on something and work on it little by little. It is still considered progress, not a waste of time. Even if I would take longer than others, or exert more effort than some people, I still am better than who I was months or days ago. Therefore, I should not beat myself up if I don't notice a significant change on a daily basis, since I am an ongoing work in progress.

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I am the type of person who will always look out for his friends no matter what. The friendships that I have will forever be treasured and I plan to continue developing the relationships I have and will have.

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I have a lot of time to spend at home, yet these hours are mostly used for accomplishing school work. However, I think this happens due to my habits of sleeping late, and then waking up late as well. Due to this, I have less time for myself and for my family because of being pre-occupied of finishing school requirements first. At the end of the day, I would love to continue honing my talent in music, along with spending quality time with my family and friends.

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I would just like to slow down and take my time living in the present. If I dwell too much on the past, it could slow me down due to overthinking about the mistakes I've committed before. On the other hand, if I dwell too much on the future, I may limit the opportunities I have in store for me because of contemplating on whether I am capable of achieving great things. Ultimately, reflecting too much on the past and future may blind me from living in the moment.

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I can give myself a break today by playing Valorant with my friends and family. In doing so, it helps me relax and stay calm amidst the stressful requirements.

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It is difficult to keep up the requirements of the school, especially amid a pandemic. With this in mind, I wish the people around me would recognize the amount of effort I truly put into accomplishing tasks. At the end of the day, I work hard in order to make my family, friends, teachers, and most importantly, myself, proud.