# data[].attributes.headline
Ｔｈｅ　Ｄｅａｔｈ　ｏｆ　ａ　Ｆａｎ

# data[].attributes.subject
Ｔｈｅ　Ｄｅａｔｈ　ｏｆ　ａ　Ｆａｎ

# data[].attributes.body
https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/humanz-deluxe/id1217911994

Today is one of those days that I need to vent about something. The Gorillaz album dropped, the last album they'll make, Humanz. It sucks hardcore. It's a 26 song long album that is nothing but a whiny political message. "Stop the war in Iraq, all you guys are doing is posting on Facebook and forgetting about it, I'm making a difference, look at me, I made an album and drink my problems away." Christ almighty. Damon Albarn lately has been tainting the discographies of his projects that have been left at the wayside. It feels like a solo album, not Gorillaz. He did this with Blur too. I'm open to change in format, by all means. Hell, I can even deal with a political message. Just stop calling others out while also making a political statement. Putting yourself on a pedestal doesn't make your music better, or your message more heartfelt. But yet still, rabid Gorillaz fans flock to defend it., saying it's amazing and that we can't handle a change or a political message. If anyone cared to remember, Damon Albarn already released a Gorillaz album that was primarily loops and techno. The Fall wasn't even supposed to be fully released. But it eventually was, and it was okay. By far the weakest album with Goirllaz' name attatched to it. Humanz is The Fall with trap, politics, and less song variation. Very few songs have progression. They start and end the same. It gets boring. The Fall proved that you can do some interesting things with samples, like the lead single, Revolving Doors. Amazing song. Meanwhile Humanz feels like Damon hit the "make music" button on his computer. Flat. Drab. Boring. Marketable. Bland. Overall, probably the worst way for my favourite band of all time to end. I dunno how to feel about it. I guess betrayed? Cheated? Whatever I feel, the important thing to remember is that people will (hopefully) calm down from the hype over time and will at least admit that this is their worst put together album by far. Liking it is one thing, but believing that it's actually well produced, planned, listenable, and unique is quite another. Once people get that, I can only hope they'll understand my perspective.

# data[].attributes.headline
Ｔｈｅ　Ｓａｍｅ　Ｏｌｄ　Ｇｒｉｎｄ

# data[].attributes.subject
Ｔｈｅ　Ｓａｍｅ　Ｏｌｄ　Ｇｒｉｎｄ

# data[].attributes.body
https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/elliott-smith/id3192181

So the new kid's hot.

He's been around for a good period of time, but I've found him to be amazing since day 1. He's good looking, charming, funny, and just a good person. Of course, I say these things, but my taste is what the public doesn't like, so, I'm the only one who finds him attractive.

Fine by me, tbh.

I told him I like him. He said he didn't know his sexual orientation without dismissing the idea of us dating.

Good sign?

My play "Born Yesterday" opens tomorrow. Kinda stressed, kinda not. I mainly just want free time back. Desperately.

I feel trapped by my responsibilities, but soon it will all be over.

I have an art store now.

You can only buy my one piece inspired from Kid A, as it stands.

https://www.redbubble.com/people/alibleactress?ref=artist_title_name

Ain't that neato?

Buy my art to help me go to MAGfest next year.

Not like I get much though.

Can't complain because they handle the printing process.

I make 20% of the total sale.

So if an item (like the Hardcover Journal) is $20, then I get $4.

Math is great terrible.

As summer/spring lurk around the corner I fear for my life more and more.

Should I dress loosely? Should I not? Bullying? Toleration?

Nah.

I fear for my life, and rightfully so.

There's a kid who I'd think would kill me if I even spat in his direction at this point.

He bullies me with his eyes.

As does everyone else.

Just that kinda up and down nodding glace that shows you don't like or are confused with what someone's wearing.

Everyone's favourite gesture.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I want to leave this town so badly you have no idea.

Sure, yeah, you have some inkling of a thought.

"They don't wanna be here because bullies."

More.

I don't wanna be here because I'm a lone soul wandering in the void.

#edgy

I put up with so much for me to just get nothing in return.

I wanna go to prom with the new kid.

I wanna go to MAGfest with him.

I want Erik to love him.

I want a nice happy little group of love.

That can't happen though, not right now.

Maybe never.

I wanna wear a dress.

http://www.strawpoll.me/12453996

Have a ball/blast/whatever the hell.

Elliott Smith is lovely, wouldn't you agree?

It'd be lovelier if I could listen to it.

Stupid Blanding and stupid phone rules.

I get it, it's a distraction.

I'm not getting distracted.

Ⓐ thats the best i could find for the anarchy symbol, im sorry, dont hurt me ;-;

❤

# data[].attributes.headline
Ｃｈａｒｌｅｓ　Ｄａｒｗｉｎ　ａｎｄ　Ｂｏｍｂ 　 Ｄｅｆｕｓａｌ

# data[].attributes.subject
Ｃｈａｒｌｅｓ　Ｄａｒｗｉｎ　ａｎｄ　Ｂｏｍｂ 　 Ｄｅｆｕｓａｌ

# data[].attributes.body
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JaOLm4z8-Fs

So I got a weekend to mess around with my good ol' buddy Silas.

Hi Silas.

We played Darwin's Demons, which is Space Invaders but the aliens evolve to your play style. Intense fun.

We also played Keep Talking and Nobody Explodes, which is a multiplayer game where you have one person defusing a bomb and another person with a bomb manual on how to diffuse it. They can't look at each other. Communication can be vague and rushed. Both halves need haste, but precision.

But that's not what I'm here to talk about.

I'm here to talk about my dysphoria.

I want to be a girl so desperately that I just can't take it anymore.

I want to be pretty.

And I want people to treat me like a girl (at least romantically, by one person.)

What I mean by that is that I want to be taken out, get to wear a dress, be pretty, be bought.

Basically, I want to have a slight chance at romance because it's been far too long.

I can't handle it anymore.

I desperately want the touch of someone else.

Not even sexually.

I just want them to hold my hand in a way that suggests that they love me.

I don't love me.

Maybe that's my issue.

I don't love me half the time.

The other half the time I feel empowered and beautiful, just so someone can shoot me down and make me feel like a freak of nature.

Lovely.

Wouldn't you agree?

I would.

I need to go to college.

Men like girls with men parts there.

Some men.

I'll find one.

Hopefully.

# data[].attributes.headline
Ｌｏｎｇ　Ｔｉｍｅ　Ｎｏ　Ａｖｏｃａｄｏ　          （Ｍｅｎｔａｌ　Ｓｔｒｅｓｓ　ｏｎ　ｔｈｅ          　Ｒｉｓｅ）

# data[].attributes.subject
Ｌｏｎｇ　Ｔｉｍｅ　Ｎｏ　Ａｖｏｃａｄｏ　          （Ｍｅｎｔａｌ　Ｓｔｒｅｓｓ　ｏｎ　ｔｈｅ          　Ｒｉｓｅ）

# data[].attributes.body
https://soundcloud.com/pinkgod/joji-mixtape-2017 (explicit)

It's been a month since I've decided to sit here and whine about my probably okay life.

Either way, I hope you've been better off than I have.

I'm involved in three play productions, all of which are at different times, and two shows have conflicting times.

My loneliness hasn't exactly gotten better either.

I still crave for the moment I can feel his arms wrap around me and encompass me, making me feel like I'm actually worth a damn to another human being.

It takes a guy over the internet to make me melt. What can he do in person?

Every night I fall asleep alone, just thinking about him curling up and pulling me in. I need him. I'm suicidal and depressed without him.

I can't live off of steam chat forever and I know it.

He knows it.

This is why I don't date online anymore.

He's just worth it, though, and I know it. He's been there for my highest points and my lowest points, helping me through.

I'm nothing without him.

If only I could see his face every once in awhile.

But, y'know, no smartphone, so no Snapchat, no FaceTime, no anything.

Nothing that he uses.

God. Help me.

Life feels like a bad trip.

I've been showering less and less, brushing my teeth less and less.

I've stopped caring. I've become apathetic.

No one gives me any positive reinforcement.

Hell, that's why I stopped writing here for such a good period of time. Sure, I never really had time to post, because that means gathering thoughts and the like, but, I was never pressured to, because I can assume that no one's reading it. How can I be expected to care when I'm not given a reason.

I'm a person made for others. I'm a filler made to make others feel better.

Hell, when I go on a suicidal rant to my good friend, most of the good things he has to say about me help others more than they help me.

I have an addictive personality. I'm habitual.

I'm sailing the sea of sorrows all alone in a boat more rickety than the Orca.

In case it wasn't apparent, I listen to the albums while I type up these posts.

Currently finishing wefllagn.ii and onto the You Suck Charlie cover by a totally average singer.

Not average in the sense of bad, but average in the sense of literally every white female singer nowadays. Voice lessons encourage you to have the same sound. It's kind of terrible, because as a singing fan, who can appreciate good vocals, seeing female singers get boxed in like that kind of sickens me. It needs to stop.

Anywho, back to MY depression.

Besidju.

I talk to my other good friend, and she basically said turn to drugs.

Not DRUGS like coke, molly, etc, but, maybe I need antidepressants. I'm a total disaster who feels as if they have no release from life. Videogames help less and less, and music can only carry me over but so much before I want to actually kill myself again.

That's why I act so much. "Stop being the depressing sack of shit you actually are and become a totally badass independant woman, even if for a few minutes."

Or a shoeshine, cowering in fear of the hulking junkman yelling at you.

There's no break from this hell. There's not a single thing I can do.

I need you.

Please click this link tonight, babe. Understand the things I do just to keep myself kind of afloat.

And please, stop keeping me up past 10.

That last one was a bit of a joke, but you get the message.

Thanks, Erik.

# data[].attributes.headline
Ｐｒｏｂａｂｌｙ　ｔｈｅ　Ｏｎｌｙ　Ｏｎｅ          　Ｍａｄ　ａｔ　ｔｈｅ　Ｎｉｎｔｅｎｄｏ　                  Ｓｗｉｔｃｈ

# data[].attributes.subject
Ｐｒｏｂａｂｌｙ　ｔｈｅ　Ｏｎｌｙ　Ｏｎｅ          　Ｍａｄ　ａｔ　ｔｈｅ　Ｎｉｎｔｅｎｄｏ　                  Ｓｗｉｔｃｈ

# data[].attributes.body
https://fortune500.bandcamp.com/album/the-music-of-the-now-age-iii

So I just finished up watching the Nintendo Switch presentation from last night.

Well, just finished is a lie. I finished it a bit ago, but I've been thinking.

Nintendo managed to piss me off, but no one else.

So let's start from my big personal square one. Backwards Compatibility is completely absent. I cannot use my Wii U games I have physical copies of because it's a bastard child of Nintendo of this point. They're remaking the games for the Switch, as Mario Kart 8 Ultimate Edition was announced. This angers me, because I can't find work and just want to play video games and stay relevant.

Because the console is 300 dollars.

You heard me right, 300 dollars, and it doesn't come with any games. We know of two launch titles, and that's Zelda: Breath of the Wilds, and Nintendo Land 2.

Okay, it's not actually Nintendo Land 2, it's 1,2, SWITCH!. Take Wario Ware and make it a party game. You focus on each other and do things with a joycon.

So, let's speak in the hypothetical sense for a second. Say I can muster up 300 dollars to toss at this glory machine that's gonna save Nintendo. I'm gonna want Splatoon 2, because who wouldn't! Splatoon was one of the best games on Wii U that I never owned! This is the perfect opportunity to get involved while the game is relatively young. So I can get Splatoon 2, but I can't play online.

Online is a payed service now. They did not tell us prices at the event, which means it's expensive. They also didn't disclose the prices of games, which is a HUGE red flag. The launch is just around the corner and we're all in the dark when it comes to how much money we're gonna be dropping on this at launch because IT COMES WITH NO GAMES.

Okay, okay, more hypothticals here. Say I can afford that, too. Say I can afford everything that the Switch wants me to get. Is there anything for me to be mad at anymore? Outside of obligatory battery life issues. The console is playing as a mobile device with demanding stuff, it's not gonna last long, you just have to accept it.

But there's something else.

I like to call it my hipster node.

Nintendo is becoming too mainstream for me. Sure, they still produce their own games, but when they hype up FIFA at the event, it sends out the wrong kind of signals to me. It just shows me that Nintendo is being forced into this corner that they need to have the games that everyone else has to be on top because most people can't be persuaded to buy theirs. It just kills me to see this happen to one of my favourite companies.

To be honest, I go could on longer, but I'm gonna bullet off my last few gripes. Join the discord lobby to chat about it.

MORE SWITCH GRIEVANCES:

-smartphone integration for lobby formation
-no lobbies for nonmembers
-only 3 colors of joycons right now
-analog stick layout
-yet another skyrim rerelease
-high expectations that everyone ever will love it and use it at parties like it's not awkward to pull out a little tablet and give someone a vibrator with buttons and say "lets play a stupid game in the middle of this park and act like it's normal"
-terrible translators at the event who often missed cues and just sounded boooooooringgggggg

That's it. Hit me up on Discord to chat or whatever. I might buy one if I ever get the cash and it turns out to be like the second coming of Jesus.

# data[].attributes.headline
Ｉｎｊｅｃｔ　ｔｈｅ　Ｍｅｍｅｓ

# data[].attributes.subject
Ｉｎｊｅｃｔ　ｔｈｅ　Ｍｅｍｅｓ

# data[].attributes.body
https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/pink-season/id1191715443 (WARNING: RACIAL HUMOR, CURSE WORDS, AND JOKES OF SUICIDE AND DEATH AHEAD, IT'S ALL FOR COMEDY, BUT THAT DOESN'T CHANGE HOW SOME MAY SEE IT. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.)

My boy Pink Guy can make some fire stuff when he wants to.

Pink Season is the second album released by a personal favourite rapper of mine, Pink Guy. His style is to make a trap beat and make memes.

Of course, this album is no different.

I've been listening to it nonstop for the 4 days it's been out.

Anywho, into the story, and how it's unrelated to the title this time.

I feel empty in my hobbies. Not many in the area I live in express interest in my favourite video games, music, or shows.

Granted, I play Animal Crossing, listen to vaporwave, and watch Steven Universe.

I convinced my parents to play Animal Crossing: amiibo Festival with me. My dad has been wanting to play (which makes me hype af, yo) and my stepmom tacked on to make me happy.

She was the worst to play with. It's not her fault, but I don't think she understands that being okay with it, and only doing it for someone else makes it not fun for the person you're doing it with. It becomes a bog because you have to explain and reconstitute things time and time again because they don't want to retain the information.

It's like going to on old folk's home with RISK and asking the especially senile ones to play. They will not and cannot learn.

Anyways, we were playing, and she was in first place. My dad was in second, and I was in dead last.

I can never play in the stalk market because of how broke I am. The poor stay poor.

Until they grow a money tree! I sporadically got 90,000 bells because luck. I'm back in it.

Still get second place because my stepmom fell behind and my dad got the win on the last turn.

It was fun, though, playing, even though my stepmom was only doing it for me. My dad actually had fun, and that makes me really happy.

Now I just need to get an amiibo card reader, Happy Home Designer, and the rest of the amiibo figures.

Y'know, if I could find a job. :^)

# data[].attributes.headline
Ｆｅｅｌｉｎｇ　Ｉｎｔｅｌｌｅｃｔｕａｌｌｙ　         Ｓｕｐｅｒｉｏｒ　（？）

# data[].attributes.subject
Ｆｅｅｌｉｎｇ　Ｉｎｔｅｌｌｅｃｔｕａｌｌｙ　         Ｓｕｐｅｒｉｏｒ　（？）

# data[].attributes.body
https://fortune500.bandcamp.com/album/the-music-of-the-now-age

On the bus ride I home, it's not uncommon for me to play on my 3DS.

Actually it's very common.

Either way, I was playing this little gem (stain) from my past called Dr. Robotnik's Mean Bean Machine. The idea is to take Dr. Mario, make it so any dots left in the open drop, and not reward you for matches of four (the minimum). Oh, and the game gets way too fast if you take too long.

Sounds easy right?

It was easier in my childhood, somehow. Maybe the Sega Genesis version is different than the Game Gear one in that the Game Gear punishes you for being an average player.

Either way, as I'm riding on the bus, I decided to play and opened up story mode. I got the game about two weeks ago and have yet to beat until level one.

I start off pretty well, covering the opponents field in black beans so he  can't make many moves. I feel successful.

Until he makes a comeback.

He came back hard. He nearly got me killed, by filling my field in black beans. By this point, my game was also going crazy fast to the point that control was near impossible.

But I powered through.

I cleared my board, got some nice combos, and finished him off.

I got no bonus points for time, but whatever.

It took my little 9 year old mind nothing to clear this guy all those years back on the Sega Genesis. Here I am as a more developed 17 year old, struggling to even dent him. What was this game like on the Genesis?

Moral of the story: It's not always as easy as you remembered it. Sometimes it can be impossible later.

Alternative moral of the story: Your 9 year old version of yourself was a way cooler person and will totally score more than you.

# data[].attributes.headline
Ｔｈｅ　Ｌｏｎｅｌｙ   　Ｓｔｒｕｇｇｌｅ  

# data[].attributes.subject
Ｔｈｅ　Ｌｏｎｅｌｙ   　Ｓｔｒｕｇｇｌｅ  

# data[].attributes.body
https://blankbanshee.bandcamp.com/album/blank-banshee-0

Living here is progressively more and more difficult. Every day, something new goes wrong, whether my self worth goes down or others start seeing me less and less. I just want the feeling of being looked at in a way that says that I'm okay looking. Something that shows that I'm doing something right with my appearance. Unless of course, I'm doing everything wrong, in which I'd appreciate it if someone would tell me that too.

I want the feeling that most all other girls my age get, of getting their inbox flooded with desperate guys and to have the luxury of turning them all down because "they're not the one." I want to know what it's like to be thought highly of because I have a nice rack or a bubble butt. I want to know what it's like to get spammed on Snapchat from a bunch of different guys so I can string them all along and let them all down at once. God, I wish I had that luxury.

I just don't want to be a man, man. People say it's easier to be a man. Nothing is easier or harder, things are just different. To be a woman, men are more likely to give you handouts. As a man, you're known as a slob, and a pathetic waste of life who only thinks about how he's gonna get off.

There are guys out there who are like that, yes. All that tells me if you think that is that you're a feminist neo-nazi who had a bad breakup.

Okay, maybe not all of that, but certainly a bad experience or two.

If all men were terrible, why do you still crush over Benedict Cumberbatch? If all men are terrible, why are there still a chosen few who are good enough to make the cut? Either hate them all or fess up to your ignorance.

And don't think men are out of this rant either, believe me.

Men need to stop being homophobic. Yes, I know. There are plenty of men out there who are gay, or bi, or anything on the LGBTQ+ spectrum, but the common public can not be gay, but not hate gay. The second you say something "gay" they freak out and spout out about how "they ain't gay, cuz." Yes, I know you're not gay. I have no issues with you not being gay, but let me be gay.

Hell, I'm not even gay.

Point is, I wish people would just get along. It's not that hard.

Unless you're racist, a social justice warrior, or close minded, then we might have some issues.

# data[].attributes.headline
Ｉｎｔｒｏｄｕｃｔｏｒｙ 　Ｏｂｌｉｇａｔｉｏｎｓ 

# data[].attributes.subject
Ｉｎｔｒｏｄｕｃｔｏｒｙ 　Ｏｂｌｉｇａｔｉｏｎｓ 

# data[].attributes.body
https://blankbanshee.bandcamp.com/album/mega

The album was released the day before my birthday, rip.

I'm Alison. I'm a 17 y/o transgender who lives in the land of rednecks and hood rats.

I listen to vaporwave as opposed to using illegal substances.

I like to draw and write, and I hope you like my drawing and writing.

I play a lot of video games, like Animal Crossing (which I have a padlet about, https://padlet.com/alistair_barclay18/Life_in_Cloud_9) and Smash 4.

I have a discord server, and if you're interested, you can join and we can talk it out. (https://discord.gg/kz7sv89)

I hope you enjoy this wild ride with me.