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Rating: 3/10

Not a good example of a paragraph at all. No weighing and substantiation is provided to the case study and poor elaboration is given. Also doesn't address WHY compressing media in a short span of time is inherently detrimental to youth's development. It could be an advantage to consume media in a short amount of time --> more information learnt in less time. (no link between points and no substantiation)

What I consider to be a “very decent” essay:

In this increasingly globalised twenty-first century, the advent of technology has given rise to the propagation of applications like social media. This essay strives to prove that social media inherently has negative effects on the development of teenagers through the wide ranging harms perpetuated by harmful standards.

Detractors of this stand argue that social media serves as an international platform for youth to find motivation and motivate others. One such example would be Greta Thunberg, a youth advocate for climatechange who only garnered huge support and popularity through the propagation of her campaigns and her raw, powerful speeches which caused much furore with respect to our treatment of mother nature. Such campaigns and posts garnered over 30 million youth supporters worldwide who decided to take a stand against climate change. Social media was an integral part of what enabled these youth to pursue their passions and aspirations, which is an integral part of every youth’s development as it serves as opportunities for them to lead and serve, taking part in courses they are motivated in. Thus, it can be seen that social media is actually positively impacting the development of youth.

However, I feel that it is far too parochial of a stand to claim that these benefits are exclusive only to social media. In fact, through other means like specified campaign platforms and even volunteer organisations, youth can also have the chance to develop their passion and learn integral soft skills like teamwork and perseverance, which support their development. While I concede that these means may not have the widespread support and community that social media has, social media definitely has far more negative impacts and standards.

Today, influencers who occupy the bulk of social media space are fashion-based. Influencers like Ocean Orrey and Laerta are photographed seemingly going about their daily lives looking effortlessly chic in skimpy outfits by Dior and Prada. This is harmful because, in an attempt to be more like them, thousands of teenagers on social media not only emulate their sexualised dressing but also proclaim their desire to lead their materialistic lifestyle.

But even if we were to consider influencers like Ryan’s Toy Reviews or Miwu Science where he carries out Science experiments in his home laboratory filled with the latest Science equipment, it is still harmful.

The normal, average child looks at them and thinks that they can only be happy if they own the latest toys advertised by Ryan, or think that they aren’t doing ‘real’ Science unless they have the same equipment as Miwu. This is even worse for poor children because they will look at these videos and feel like they can never be happy or excel at Science because they cannot afford these products.

This is inherently bad as teenagers are in their developing stage and these kinds of thinking patterns lead to them having a materialistic mindset or simply not being grateful for what they have. These kinds of mindsets are the type that a teenager will have for the rest of his or her life as they are constant exposed to these kinds of subliminal messaging, thus causing them to develop the wrong mindsets and values.

(...)

For all these reasons and more, social media negatively impacts teenagers' developments.

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It is a bit repetitive and does not expand on "attention span"

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There is no clear focus or Topic Sentence, and the second-last sentence is not linked to the rest of the paragraph

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This paragraph definitely is relevant in showing the impact of social media on the development of teenagers. It also follows the PEEL format, which is good. However, this paragraph fails to show how being impatient leads to them being unable to function in society. The last line was just thrown in haphazardly without any link to the above paragraph and it does not even link to the topic sentence. But sure, I guess it'll pass.

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It is a relevant paragraph which is ntot fully expanded but provides a decent point on how social media reduces the attention span of youth and supports it using some evidence like shorts and reels

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clear focus on topic sentence, however the explanation and supporting detail/example is lacking slightly. Quite coherent paragraph.

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The paragraph is relevant and the focus is right. Not really well elaborated and could have explained the impact on their attention span better. No offense to whoever wrote this LOL

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Rating: 4.5/10

Decent paragraph but everything feels a little too out of place. The first problem is that there is no clear thesis statement and introduction, and the rest of the essay feels like constant rebuttals pinging back and forth, so it feels a little disorganised and very messy. Decent understanding of social media but organisation and links could definitely by clearer

What I consider to be a “very decent” essay:

In this increasingly globalised twenty-first century, the advent of technology has given rise to the propagation of applications like social media. This essay strives to prove that social media inherently has negative effects on the development of teenagers through the wide ranging harms perpetuated by harmful standards.

Detractors of this stand argue that social media serves as an international platform for youth to find motivation and motivate others. One such example would be Greta Thunberg, a youth advocate for climatechange who only garnered huge support and popularity through the propagation of her campaigns and her raw, powerful speeches which caused much furore with respect to our treatment of mother nature. Such campaigns and posts garnered over 30 million youth supporters worldwide who decided to take a stand against climate change. Social media was an integral part of what enabled these youth to pursue their passions and aspirations, which is an integral part of every youth’s development as it serves as opportunities for them to lead and serve, taking part in courses they are motivated in. Thus, it can be seen that social media is actually positively impacting the development of youth.

However, I feel that it is far too parochial of a stand to claim that these benefits are exclusive only to social media. In fact, through other means like specified campaign platforms and even volunteer organisations, youth can also have the chance to develop their passion and learn integral soft skills like teamwork and perseverance, which support their development. While I concede that these means may not have the widespread support and community that social media has, social media definitely has far more negative impacts and standards.

Today, influencers who occupy the bulk of social media space are fashion-based. Influencers like Ocean Orrey and Laerta are photographed seemingly going about their daily lives looking effortlessly chic in skimpy outfits by Dior and Prada. This is harmful because, in an attempt to be more like them, thousands of teenagers on social media not only emulate their sexualised dressing but also proclaim their desire to lead their materialistic lifestyle.

But even if we were to consider influencers like Ryan’s Toy Reviews or Miwu Science where he carries out Science experiments in his home laboratory filled with the latest Science equipment, it is still harmful.

The normal, average child looks at them and thinks that they can only be happy if they own the latest toys advertised by Ryan, or think that they aren’t doing ‘real’ Science unless they have the same equipment as Miwu. This is even worse for poor children because they will look at these videos and feel like they can never be happy or excel at Science because they cannot afford these products.

This is inherently bad as teenagers are in their developing stage and these kinds of thinking patterns lead to them having a materialistic mindset or simply not being grateful for what they have. These kinds of mindsets are the type that a teenager will have for the rest of his or her life as they are constant exposed to these kinds of subliminal messaging, thus causing them to develop the wrong mindsets and values.

(...)

For all these reasons and more, social media negatively impacts teenagers' developments.

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No clear topic sentence. Examples support the idea but not very well, and there is very little explanation

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The paragraph provides a relevant point on the debate on the impacts of social media. However, the paragraph lacks enough substantiating on the detrimental effects of being impatient, requiring better links within the paragraph.

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The paragraph is relevant. Its main point is about how the short-form content affects youth's patience which in turn affects their development. However, more examples and elaboration on how lack of patience affects youths is needed.

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Topic sentence is not very clear. The explanation is quite clear. Quite coherent paragraph. The phrasing makes it a little hard to read though.

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There is no clear topic sentence so maybe the writer could split up the pros and cons into different paragraph as they are entirely different points. The explanation is decent but could be expanded further to link to wellbeing of youth better

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Yes I think the paragraph is relevant to youth and social media.
Yes the topic sentence relates to to the the negative effects on social media and the evidences are also drastically related to the paragraph, and it helps the explanation on how social media decreases the attention span for students. However there isn’t really a link back to the topic sentence nor a way to end the paragraph, it is a very sudden stop.

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Topic sentence quite clear and relevant. Explanation is clear. Did not really link to the question though.

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The paragraph is relevant and there is a clear topic sentence, but the explanation can be more detailed.

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The text does explain how the short form content affects the attention span which means it is relevant, but the writer does not expand on the negative impacts of being impatient

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1)    Clear topic sentence.

2)    Clear evidence.

3) Good explanation of the negative impacts of shortened attention span

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I believe this paragraph is somehow relevant to the topic. There is a clear topic sentence, explanations and supporting details do support the TS but not really enough, and the paragraph is largely coherent.

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Good examples, they are great in supporting the point. Good distribution of points, positive and negative. Maybe could have specified the key point(or like thru a topic sentence?). Regardless nice job :)

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This paragraph is definitely alright in bringing the point across. However, the formatting of this paragraph and the structure is all over the place. This paragraph consists of 2 points and thus should be separated.

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The paragraph does not contain a clear topic sentence and very haphazardly dives into the comparison of pros and cons of social media. The writer should instead spend a paragraph per pro/con and further expand on the elaboration and explanations.

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Rating: 5/10

Mid. Could be better and more elaboration. Can provide with more example and evidence.

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Yes. The entire paragraph is relevant to the essay question. However, it can be developed even more. It can show how a loss in attention span affects the development of teenagers.

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This paragraph is not fully expanded and is repetitive, however it has a point on how social media shortens attention span of youths but could explain how this affects the development of youth.

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Good and coherent paragraph, good diction as well.

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The paragraph is relevant with a clear topic sentence. However, there is not enough explanation and substantiation in order to support the focus.

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Seems to be an informative essay sort of in which it is just bombarding the reader with facts in short and informative sentences, instead of actually intending to address the main point of the text. The word attention has popped up many times in the passage and the author seems to just be trying to enforce around a same point throughout.

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1)    Unclear topic sentence- tells two aspects of teenager’s development, positive and negative

2)    However,good and real-world evidence that supports both points.

3) But overly short, over-simplified explanation that does not fully explain both points and their impacts thoroughly.

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Great paragraph, explanation is really nice. Maybe could have specificed in topic sentence the issues affecting teenagers. Like this a lot. Nice job

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Vague topic sentence, gives a lot of examples but does not give explanations on how it affects the development of teenagers.

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6?10, decent it can be improved by linking and more evidences.

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The paragraph is mostly relevant, however I find it to be quite repetitive.

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Topic sentence, evidence and explanation are vague and distributed throughout the paragraph... unclear

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Rating: 6/10

Passable.

Vocab is quite weak throughout the essay although some attempt at charactersisation and comparison is given. I would like to see a stronger command of vocabulary in this essay to supplement the very specific examples provided. A case study would be nice and organisation is ok. But I would like to see at least one offensive rebuttal to provide a larger viewpoint of this essay. I think a good introduction can also be included to strengthen the overall feel of the essay.

What I consider to be a “very decent” essay:

In this increasingly globalised twenty-first century, the advent of technology has given rise to the propagation of applications like social media. This essay strives to prove that social media inherently has negative effects on the development of teenagers through the wide ranging harms perpetuated by harmful standards.

Detractors of this stand argue that social media serves as an international platform for youth to find motivation and motivate others. One such example would be Greta Thunberg, a youth advocate for climatechange who only garnered huge support and popularity through the propagation of her campaigns and her raw, powerful speeches which caused much furore with respect to our treatment of mother nature. Such campaigns and posts garnered over 30 million youth supporters worldwide who decided to take a stand against climate change. Social media was an integral part of what enabled these youth to pursue their passions and aspirations, which is an integral part of every youth’s development as it serves as opportunities for them to lead and serve, taking part in courses they are motivated in. Thus, it can be seen that social media is actually positively impacting the development of youth.

However, I feel that it is far too parochial of a stand to claim that these benefits are exclusive only to social media. In fact, through other means like specified campaign platforms and even volunteer organisations, youth can also have the chance to develop their passion and learn integral soft skills like teamwork and perseverance, which support their development. While I concede that these means may not have the widespread support and community that social media has, social media definitely has far more negative impacts and standards.

Today, influencers who occupy the bulk of social media space are fashion-based. Influencers like Ocean Orrey and Laerta are photographed seemingly going about their daily lives looking effortlessly chic in skimpy outfits by Dior and Prada. This is harmful because, in an attempt to be more like them, thousands of teenagers on social media not only emulate their sexualised dressing but also proclaim their desire to lead their materialistic lifestyle.

But even if we were to consider influencers like Ryan’s Toy Reviews or Miwu Science where he carries out Science experiments in his home laboratory filled with the latest Science equipment, it is still harmful.

The normal, average child looks at them and thinks that they can only be happy if they own the latest toys advertised by Ryan, or think that they aren’t doing ‘real’ Science unless they have the same equipment as Miwu. This is even worse for poor children because they will look at these videos and feel like they can never be happy or excel at Science because they cannot afford these products.

This is inherently bad as teenagers are in their developing stage and these kinds of thinking patterns lead to them having a materialistic mindset or simply not being grateful for what they have. These kinds of mindsets are the type that a teenager will have for the rest of his or her life as they are constant exposed to these kinds of subliminal messaging, thus causing them to develop the wrong mindsets and values.

(...)

For all these reasons and more, social media negatively impacts teenagers' developments

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The paragraph is just a combination of several points and does not have a clear topic to differentiate them. Its points are decently elaborated and the paragraph contains examples and elaboration

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1)    Clear topic sentence

2)    Short, not contextual evidence

3) Short explanation.

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This paragraph lacks a clear and succinct topic sentence which then causes difficultly for the reader to locate the main point. Other than that, the evidence provided was quite good and overall the paragraph is alright.

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Organisation of the paragraph is quite messy and haphazard, causing the point of the paragraph to come off as vague

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There is no clear topic sentences and there is a lack of evidence. There are also some parts of the paragraph which is irrelevant.

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Has written down both positive and negative views but seems to be digressing over the passage and speaking about in relevant things which pulls down the overall of the passage.

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This paragraph has no clear topic sentence and the explanation and evidence does not really link with each other.

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Good explanation and deals with its topic sentence effectively. Provides sufficient explanation and examples. Examples support what the author is trying to say effectively. However, the numerous wording and phrasing problems are definitely a glaring issue which lowers the overall effectiveness of the paragraph.

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The paragraph is relevant but the focus would be clearer if the two conflicting point were separated into two different paragraphs, in order for readers to better understand how youths are affected. Other than that, the explanations support the topic well.

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Rating: 2/10

Fail. Completely irrelevant as no topic sentence or link to the question is provided. I feel that no attempt was made to reference the original question or the keywords "negatively impacted" ANYWHERE in the essay.

What I consider to be a “very decent” essay:

In this increasingly globalised twenty-first century, the advent of technology has given rise to the propagation of applications like social media. This essay strives to prove that social media inherently has negative effects on the development of teenagers through the wide ranging harms perpetuated by harmful standards.

Detractors of this stand argue that social media serves as an international platform for youth to find motivation and motivate others. One such example would be Greta Thunberg, a youth advocate for climatechange who only garnered huge support and popularity through the propagation of her campaigns and her raw, powerful speeches which caused much furore with respect to our treatment of mother nature. Such campaigns and posts garnered over 30 million youth supporters worldwide who decided to take a stand against climate change. Social media was an integral part of what enabled these youth to pursue their passions and aspirations, which is an integral part of every youth’s development as it serves as opportunities for them to lead and serve, taking part in courses they are motivated in. Thus, it can be seen that social media is actually positively impacting the development of youth.

However, I feel that it is far too parochial of a stand to claim that these benefits are exclusive only to social media. In fact, through other means like specified campaign platforms and even volunteer organisations, youth can also have the chance to develop their passion and learn integral soft skills like teamwork and perseverance, which support their development. While I concede that these means may not have the widespread support and community that social media has, social media definitely has far more negative impacts and standards.

Today, influencers who occupy the bulk of social media space are fashion-based. Influencers like Ocean Orrey and Laerta are photographed seemingly going about their daily lives looking effortlessly chic in skimpy outfits by Dior and Prada. This is harmful because, in an attempt to be more like them, thousands of teenagers on social media not only emulate their sexualised dressing but also proclaim their desire to lead their materialistic lifestyle.

But even if we were to consider influencers like Ryan’s Toy Reviews or Miwu Science where he carries out Science experiments in his home laboratory filled with the latest Science equipment, it is still harmful.

The normal, average child looks at them and thinks that they can only be happy if they own the latest toys advertised by Ryan, or think that they aren’t doing ‘real’ Science unless they have the same equipment as Miwu. This is even worse for poor children because they will look at these videos and feel like they can never be happy or excel at Science because they cannot afford these products.

This is inherently bad as teenagers are in their developing stage and these kinds of thinking patterns lead to them having a materialistic mindset or simply not being grateful for what they have. These kinds of mindsets are the type that a teenager will have for the rest of his or her life as they are constant exposed to these kinds of subliminal messaging, thus causing them to develop the wrong mindsets and values.

(...)

For all these reasons and more, social media negatively impacts teenagers' developments.

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Short explanation however it does explain its topic sentence well. However, there is no link from the explanation to how social media has affected youths.

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The topic sentence is not very clear, the evidence and explanation is good but the phrasing makes the paragraph a bit hard to understand.

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The topic sentence and its supporting details are clear and easily understood and I can see what the writer wanted to express, however, there was no link provided between social media and impacting their ability to achieve their goals.

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In this increasingly globalised twenty-first century, the advent of technology has given rise to the propagation of applications like social media. Social media applications enable people to share content and interact with others in real time. This level of connectivity causes daily furores over the most petty topics, with many people fighting over the most insignificant of things. In addition, social media engenders harmful “trends” like cancel culture or insidiously disguised suicide challenges. Coupled with the fact that the demographic of social media users consists primarily of teenagers, this essay strives to prove that the rise of social media inherently has negative effects on the development of teenagers through the wide ranging harms perpetuated by its harmful standards.

Detractors of this stand argue that social media serves as an international platform for youth to find motivation and motivate others. One such example would be Greta Thunberg, a youth advocate for climate change who only garnered huge support and popularity through the propagation of her campaigns and her raw, powerful speeches which caused much furore with respect to our treatment of mother nature. Such campaigns and posts garnered over 30 million youth supporters worldwide who decided to take a stand against climate change. Social media was an integral part of what enabled these youth to pursue their passions and aspirations, which is an integral part of every youth’s development as it serves as opportunities for them to lead and serve, taking part in courses they are motivated in. Thus, it can be seen that social media is actually positively impacting the development of youth.

However, I feel that it is far too parochial of a stand to claim that these benefits are exclusive only to social media. In fact, through other means like specified campaign platforms and even volunteer organisations, youth can also have the chance to develop their passion and learn integral soft skills like teamwork and perseverance, which support their development. While I concede that these means may not have the widespread support and community that social media has, social media definitely has far more negative impacts and standards.

Today, influencers who occupy the bulk of social media space are fashion-based. Influencers like Ocean Orrey and Laerta are photographed seemingly going about their daily lives looking effortlessly chic in skimpy outfits by Dior and Prada. This is harmful because, in an attempt to be more like them, thousands of teenagers on social media not only emulate their sexualised dressing but also proclaim their desire to lead their materialistic lifestyle.

But even if we were to consider influencers like Ryan’s Toy Reviews or Miwu Science where he carries out Science experiments in his home laboratory filled with the latest Science equipment, it is still harmful.

The normal, average child looks at them and thinks that they can only be happy if they own the latest toys advertised by Ryan, or think that they aren’t doing ‘real’ Science unless they have the same equipment as Miwu. This is even worse for poor children because they will look at these videos and feel like they can never be happy or excel at Science because they cannot afford these products.

This is inherently bad as teenagers are in their developing stage and these kinds of thinking patterns lead to them having a materialistic mindset or simply not being grateful for what they have. These kinds of mindsets are the type that a teenager will have for the rest of his or her life as they are constantly exposed to these kinds of subliminal messaging, thus causing them to develop the wrong mindsets and values.

(...)

For all these reasons and more, social media negatively impacts teenagers' developments.

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Is social media really that great? In our modern day and age, one extremely contentious point for debate is social media. From the age old scandals of information being leaked and the usage of social media for inappropriate purposes to granting millions of people a platform to communicate. Social media has certainly embedded itself deeply within our society, fitting into our daily lives. With something so common in our day to day lives, it certainly has a wide range of impacts on people, including its largest pool of users. Teenagers. Today, we will be unpacking how social media can and will affect the development of teenagers in our society.

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Social Media impacts the development of teenagers in various ways, which although can be detrimental, it can also be useful. Social Media platforms such as Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat, Tik Tok and even YouTube can critically shape teenagers’ lives by influencing their personal opinions and hence their life decisions. It also negatively impacts teenagers’ attention spans as they get used to watching short videos on YouTube and Tik Tok. However, social media can also have a positive influence on teenagers as they can learn good habits through tutorials, and they can stay up-to-date on the latest news and happenings.

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As the world speedily advances towards a technology-driven society, social media is getting increasingly prevalent in teenagers’ lives. So, what exactly is the impact that social media has on the development of teenagers? How bad is it? To what extent would it harm or benefit teenagers? Well, social media is a double-edged sword: If utilised effectively and carefully, it would benefit teenagers by improving their communication skills, expanding their social circle; but if utilised haphazardly without self-constraint, the effect on teenagers are dire as it would cause a sharp decline in teenagers’ health and also result in a shortened attention span, resulting in them not being able to focus on their studies. Hence, social media has both negative and positive impacts on teens, and how they handle  social media is critical to their development.

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Due to the development of technology recently, the use of social media by teenagers has grown exponentially over the past few years. The effects of social media have been widely debated and discussed on. Many people think that social media affects the development of teenagers negatively. However, this is certainly not the case. Social media affects the development of teenagers greatly in both positive and negative ways and these effects have been exacerbated due to the increase in the use of social media of teenagers worldwide.

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Social media has become more widespread in recent years, and teenagers are consuming more social media. And this worries many people who take on the view that social media has many detrimental effects, especially towards teenagers’ development. While the concern is not irrational, it does not take into consideration the beneficial side to social media. Social media takes up a huge part of teenagers’ life, and has great impacts on their development, and thus we have to understand both sides of social media.

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Social media! The crown jewel of every teenager’s life in the modern era. With its widespread popularity among youths and its seemingly prevalent role in many teenagers' daily lives, it is a defining cornerstone of teenage life. Over the years, the discussion around social media has become increasingly more polarising. Is it a highly useful platform for teenagers to exercise their freedom of speech and develop their knowledge on current affairs? Or is it a harmful platform that carries an array of debilitating psychological and mental effects to the impressionable teenage mind? The impact of social media on the development of teenagers is a complex subject with multiple layers, and this essay is an exploration into both sides of the matter and why it is such a polarising subject.

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Glamorous lifestyles, hilarious videos, trivial news and gossip... A plethora of information bombards you the moment you open social media... Hours have unconsciously slipped past as you mindlessly scroll through video after video. But underneath this superficial facade of entertainment lays a hidden danger, a potential detriment to the development of the many teenagers who use it on a daily basis. Today we will be uncovering the hidden dangers of social media on the development of teenagers.

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Social media can be compared to a double-edged sword, it can be both benefical or detrimental for the teenager’s developing minds. How exactly does a non-tangible system affects the minds of the youths? With the rising trend of the usage of social media, it is therefore important to understand the impacts it has on social media.

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As technology becomes more and more prominent in the society nowadays, new types of social media are emerging at lightning speed. One can easily name a few of these like Instagram, TikTok, Facebook etc. teenagers, being in the phase of life where interests for new things are at its peak, are the most frequent users of such applications. However, social media will have adverse effects on the growth and maturing process of teenagers if they are not used wisely.

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Countless hours have slipped by as I scroll incessantly on my phone while lying on my bed, as if I was paralysed from the waist down. The occasional chuckle or two I get out of what I see is all that is observable, without a single muscle twitch from anywhere else in my body except the swipe of my fingers on the smooth glossy screen of my smartphone and the darting of my eyes on the screen trying to keep up with what is happening. However, there is much more to the story, much more than what can be seen. Little did I know, social media was slowly starting to change the ways I function. I am not the only one that has fallen prey to such applications. Just like me, teenagers from all around the world were experiencing the same thing, and it is starting to affect our development. Granted, it does provide teenagers with some benefits, but also negatively affect them in ways unimaginable. (Insert thesis statement)

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With the increasing prominence of technology in today's society, we are witnessing a rapid emergence of new social media platforms such as Instagram, TikTok, and YouTube. Teenagers, who are naturally inclined towards exploring new trends, are the primary users of these platforms. However, if not utilized properly, social media can impede the healthy growth and maturation of teenagers. How has your experience with social media been? Let me share mine with you.