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It is I, Ardently, aka Patricia and/or Tiffany (if you know, you know.)

Anywho, these are my deets!
Age: 22
Birthday: December 3, 1999
MBTI: INFJ
Zodiac: Sagittarius
Pronouns: She/Her
Likes: lmao, obviously gudetama, kim jongdae, and exo
Dislikes: erm, idk,

Well, that's all? jfbvesbfnbef

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Erm, so, I am making this as a little archive for my little musings! pretty random, could be stories, poem, memes, and art. Aheh, also because I lose my pieces most of the time kdkdmdnfnf. So, imma keep it here.

Also! Kinda mixed with my irl friends.

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Where and when? I do not know, but I have faith that

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Where and when? I do not know, but I have faith that

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Sometimes, walking away from people is exactly what you need

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Sometimes, walking away from people is exactly what you need

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As I immortalize your existence through this pen
I write the hurt and regrets with your name
Every line, every curve, it brings me pain
Oh, how I wish I don't need to think what could have been

With shaking hands, I write you beautifully
your glare, your smile, your laugh
So endearingly sweet... so bittersweet
Oh, how I wish I did enough

You were perfect, just the way you are
It is me who turned you into a mess
Caused you too much loneliness
Taken for granted someone so rare

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This pattern that's breaking my walls,
I know it exists, I could feel it.
You are slowly reaching my heart.
Little by little, word by word, you take hold of my affections.

The pattern of your lovely smiles
I think I am falling, no, I cannot
The form of your naughty remarks
I think I am dreaming, no, I should not

This pattern of mine, I see it
I step back, words bit back
I turn around, I breathe, I stay away
I am scared, I want you, but do you want me?

Then you disappear, not once, not twice
In this pattern, you come and go
I should not fall, I should not dream
But I sure did, but where did you go?

The ghosts of your tenderness still linger...
I desperately try to close my cracked walls
But it is too late, you are so good at breaking it but you reached deeply that you broke my heart too

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Serenity in your gaze,
Love so intimate,
Smile so tender,
I'm still in a haze.

I see you still
I feel you here
I hope you hear
I belong with you, always will.

Our love is strong,
Our love was strong
You had my heart,
I have the ache.

I'm still in the haze,
Why's everything gone?
Was it you?
Was it me?

Eyes shut, I see you
Body numb, I feel you
Silence, I hear you
Aching, I love you

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This doesn't make much sense, still pending for editing and revision 

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This doesn't make much sense, still pending for editing and revision 

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They said you should be alarmed if you are more in love with the memories rather than the person that is in front of you. I'd say, it is equally alarming if the person is no longer in front of you, yet you are still in love with the memories you could have had with them. Still in love with them.

I wish this journey is linear, so I would not feel the increase in my heartbeat every time I think of you. I wish it was easy. So I do not have to sink into the endless void of longing and regret. I wish it was that way so I do not have to be stuck in the endless loop of anger, longing, regret, love, and self-loathing. However, it is mere wishful thinking. Perhaps, it will stop the day my heart decided to walk in a straight line.

Mayhaps, it is the pain that is keeping me alive.

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I've written this while looking at bathroom door, 3 am lmao. Raw and pending for edit and revision.

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I've written this while looking at bathroom door, 3 am lmao. Raw and pending for edit and revision.

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The light filters from the ajar door, giving the darkness a ray of direction. There sat a lady, one who loved like a child. Innocent. Pure. Genuine. Sweet. Love to her is forgiveness. Love to her is a sacrifice. Love for her is understanding. In the dark, she thinks about the ugliness that wrong people could bring. Perhaps, she chose to be blind. She saw the signs, she really did. But to her, love is good faith, giving benefit to the doubts. Unfortunately, the doubts did not benefit her.

Love to her is an acceptance. But no matter how kind, understanding, and appreciative you are. It cannot be enough. She was not enough. But still, love to her is longing. Even if she had long accepted that it is no longer working, did not work, nor it will work in the future. The darkness conjures images in the deepest part of her mind. One that she is talking to them again. One where they loved her back. She loves hard, but love is hard to her.

Outside of her mind, she wanders into the dark, and there she saw, in the slightly open door. All her speculations came to life. The doubts, the betrayal, it is real. But love to her is acceptance. And she accepted that she do- did love people but they would- did not love her the same way.

Surprisingly, it did not hurt. She yearns but it no longer causes desperate tears. She knows it is love when it no longer hurts. To her... Love is a beautiful thing that she should have given herself a long time ago. It is love when she values herself amongst all the pointless yearning.

She walked towards the door and closed it. Sometimes the darkness is better than opening the door again for the wrong people. Especially after blatantly showing the realities she chose to overlook. To her, love is a line. Love is a boundary she must protect. Protect from other people and even from herself.

She sat again, wrapped herself with her gray blanket, and hugged the darkness as the darkness embraces her. Slowly, she lays down, a smile dancing on her lips as she closes her eyes. And there she rests.

In there she heals

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I would have said vacation house, lmao. Alas, waiting shed.

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I would have said vacation house, lmao. Alas, waiting shed.

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She was brave enough to walk away from the person she desperately wanted to stay with.

She wanted to hold on, to grasp the possibilities on his hand.

It just so happened... the same hand was reaching for someone else's.

She could have waited. She could have stayed. But she knows, she's not some kind of waiting shed for someone's convenience while on their way home.

She is more than that.

Thus, albeit with fear of the unknown. She walked away, holding her heart in her hands, and gently, slowly but surely, she is taking back all the misplaced affection and love... giving it to where it should belong.

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In my dream, you're the reality I'm living in.

Crossing skies to be in the fields of sunflowers. Though, millions of them cannot compare to the blooming of your hazy existence.  As your petals unfold, my heart could never have felt so full. Your long black hair being caressed by the wind, pushing it back as you turn around to direct your light in my direction. The sun kissing your radiant smile as you take my hand.

I'm stuck there in awe. For in this dream, my reality is you are mine and I am yours.

Devastatingly, with each passing second, you fade away. Desperately, I hold on to your perfect existence. Imprinting your soul in my heart, your heart in my soul

With open eyes, I still dream of you.

In reality, you are the dream I'm living in.

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Every little thing reminds me of you. Funny how little those are, the music, the shows, those words you'd say. Hah. So little yet the pain it brings is deeper than an endless void and more enormous than the universe.

The guilt and the regret are engraved on my skin. Perhaps you've forgiven me, but me? No. I haven't forgiven myself for not treating you like how you deserved. For losing you.

Always, it'll be you.
Always, I'll love you.

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Hindi ko kayang umibig muli

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Lmao, he doggie

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I was just saying I'm setting my priority straight???

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They mean well, hahaha

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My heart was so full, with you, hard tasks seems to be a breeze. Ilysm, p 🖤

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I was so fucking messy that night. I wasn't even drunk. Lmao, I still remember what transpired in this call and I'm glad to have someone like you. That was ugly and it's one of my worst nights ever but you were there to help me make it better. :< Ilysm. Thank you for your gentleness.

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I'm with you, as fossils we'll never part 🥺

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Your ghost still sleeps in my bed

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I LOVE THE WHOLE FUCKING SONG

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I thought that you were holy water but you were just an acid rain

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May you be one of my favorite persons.

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Do I self-sabotage? Lmao. I feel like I do.

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I don't regret meeting y'all