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What mentoring skills should everyone have?

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What mentoring skills should everyone have?

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Even if an advisor is not a mentor, a good advisor should still not do a lot of the things in the previous column

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How can a mentee get help with and possibly extract themself from a non-productive mentoring relationship?

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How can a mentee get help with and possibly extract themself from a non-productive mentoring relationship?

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I had a communication mismatch with my academic advisor.  When I get excited I would raise my voice. My advisor thought my raised voice meant I disagreed. We ended up arguing when we were not.  I figured out the problem too late and was never able to recover the relationship. 

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I had a communication mismatch with my academic advisor.  When I get excited I would raise my voice. My advisor thought my raised voice meant I disagreed. We ended up arguing when we were not.  I figured out the problem too late and was never able to recover the relationship. 

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A lot of mentors were abused as mentees, and may not realize it. This impacts how they mentor others, often in negative ways. These mentors don't know any other way to mentor, and since they survived (and often thrived, according to academic metrics) they figure this is the "right" way to mentor.

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A lot of mentors were abused as mentees, and may not realize it. This impacts how they mentor others, often in negative ways. These mentors don't know any other way to mentor, and since they survived (and often thrived, according to academic metrics) they figure this is the "right" way to mentor.

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My department chair self-appointed herself to be my mentor. I struggled with setting boundaries. I could not say no to what she asked of me, even when it was not related to my research interest.

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Wide range of Knowledge within discipline

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Meeting to meet
Repeating same feedback at each meeting
Changing concepts each meeting

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Navigating the power differential from this side

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Navigating the power differential from this side

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My PhD advisor, who was very absent and didn't help me even when it would have been very easy for him

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My PhD advisor, who was very absent and didn't help me even when it would have been very easy for him

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Being more invested in the research and process than the mentee.
Expecting the same amount of dedication as I did

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My undergrad mentor, he was real with me about the challenges of sexism

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My undergrad mentor, he was real with me about the challenges of sexism

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I think about this relationship when thinking about how to best serve mentees from different backgrounds

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Viewing students and mentees as only as good as the paper count they can output

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Viewing students and mentees as only as good as the paper count they can output

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Having enough patience for each mentee.

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Ability to translate information
organization
focus

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Not taking time to understand where your mentee is coming from

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Not taking time to understand where your mentee is coming from

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"coming from" can mean either what they mean or more literally, as in what their background is

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My PhD advisor. I trusted him and he used that trust against me, sabotaging professional opportunities and making me decide on whether asking for a letter from him for applications was worth the risk.

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My PhD advisor. I trusted him and he used that trust against me, sabotaging professional opportunities and making me decide on whether asking for a letter from him for applications was worth the risk.

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My thesis advisor - he pushed me and never expected less or treated me differently than other students.

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Thinking I know how to solve peoples problems. Sometimes I just need to listen.

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Thinking I know how to solve peoples problems. Sometimes I just need to listen.

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Highly driven person who put personal success over shared success

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Highly driven person who put personal success over shared success

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My PhD advisor, who mostly disappeared towards the end of my program and didn't provide timely feedback.

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My PhD advisor, who mostly disappeared towards the end of my program and didn't provide timely feedback.

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Wanted too much involvement in my personal life!

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Wanted too much involvement in my personal life!

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Erin is the best. She speaks highly of me in public to anyone willing to listen. Talks me past my impostor syndrome. 

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Erin is the best. She speaks highly of me in public to anyone willing to listen. Talks me past my impostor syndrome. 

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A former supervisor, who worked strategically with me to help me gain skills and position me for a promotion.

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A former supervisor, who worked strategically with me to help me gain skills and position me for a promotion.

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Routinely prioritizing mentor's "to do" list over mentee's needs and goals

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Routinely prioritizing mentor's "to do" list over mentee's needs and goals

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Mentoring is a profoundly subjective experience both on the mentee and the mentor. 

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Mentoring is a profoundly subjective experience both on the mentee and the mentor. 

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Listening without judgement,  reacting to each mentee  differently

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Listening without judgement,  reacting to each mentee  differently

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Understanding and meeting the individual needs of mentees

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Understanding and meeting the individual needs of mentees

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Working with people from different backgrounds and cultures, and the variations in communication styles that can arise from these differences

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Working with people from different backgrounds and cultures, and the variations in communication styles that can arise from these differences

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Active and engaged listening, on both sides of the relationship

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Active and engaged listening, on both sides of the relationship