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Me and Carnavan had just returned to the tomb. We discovered many interesting and wonderful discoveries . I have something which gives me a strong instinct that these aren’t just any normal treasures it’s something beyond that. From the smallest detail we can tell how rare this is. We possibly have discovered the rarest ever artefact. These treasures are extremely high in value

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Dear Diary,This is..amazing!Fascinating! All of these objects, all of this furniture. I’ve never seen such a thing before! I carefully broke through what needed to be inspected. This is marvellous; it holds so much history within its crevices - well of course, it’s ancient. The groggy rocks hissed and crumbled down, there was suddenly a revolting, sickening, pungent smell. I realised that this was my queue to go. I didn’t feel welcomed here, at all and I shouldn’t be here at all! If I were to be found here, when i was told not to, there will be serious consequences I’m facing, for even crossing this noble plot’s path.I will make a return with my assistants and we will observe and examine everything.

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Dear Diary,This is..amazing!Fascinating! All of these objects, all of this furniture. I’ve never seen such a thing before! I carefully broke through what needed to be inspected. This is marvellous; it holds so much history within its crevices - well of course, it’s ancient. The groggy rocks hissed and crumbled down, there was suddenly a revolting, sickening, pungent smell. I realised that this was my queue to go. I didn’t feel welcomed here, at all and I shouldn’t be here at all! If I were to be found here, when i was told not to, there will be serious consequences I’m facing, for even crossing this noble plot’s path.I will make a return with my assistants and we will observe and examine everything.

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- lesson 5 discovery

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Lesson 05- discovery Dear Diary,This is..amazing!Fascinating! All of these objects, all of this furniture. I’ve never seen such a thing before! I carefully broke through what needed to be inspected. This is marvellous; it holds so much history within its crevices - well of course, it’s ancient. The groggy rocks hissed and crumbled down, there was suddenly a revolting, sickening, pungent smell. I realised that this was my queue to go. I didn’t feel welcomed here, at all and I shouldn’t be here at all! If I were to be found here, when i was told not to, there will be serious consequences I’m facing, for even crossing this noble plot’s path.I will make a return with my assistants and we will observe and examine everything.

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Lesson 05- discovery Dear Diary,This is..amazing!Fascinating! All of these objects, all of this furniture. I’ve never seen such a thing before! I carefully broke through what needed to be inspected. This is marvellous; it holds so much history within its crevices - well of course, it’s ancient. The groggy rocks hissed and crumbled down, there was suddenly a revolting, sickening, pungent smell. I realised that this was my queue to go. I didn’t feel welcomed here, at all and I shouldn’t be here at all! If I were to be found here, when i was told not to, there will be serious consequences I’m facing, for even crossing this noble plot’s path.I will make a return with my assistants and we will observe and examine everything.

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me and carnarvan have just arrive a the tomb of Tutankhamun and we saw some jawdroping artefacts one off the artefacts was the golded mask but they we saw two guard it said ENTER IF YOU DARE...

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Me and Carnarvon have just returned to the tomb we had discovered some breath- taking treasure! However something gives me the instinct that these magnificent objects are way more than ordinary treasure. Although from minor detail i can tell myself that we have found Egyptian artefact that are so significant and have been given so much value i think ill find way more.

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Carnarvan and I have just returned to the tomb where we discoverd the most astounding treasure!
Although these marvellous objects are more than just a regular treasures.
Eventhough, from the tiny  detail, I can tell we've discovered egyption artefacts that's  tremendously significant, Although, the objects being ancient have been given a lot value and major that should be explored.

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don't talk about punctuation so much when marking, that is boring- offer higher level advice 

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don't talk about punctuation so much when marking, that is boring- offer higher level advice 

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The tomb of Tutankhamun hold some amazing treasures ones that I have seen before and had to stay and explore more but after noticing the  two guards ,I felt like trouble was near by. But we couldn't leave not when there was stills o much to be discovered.  Soon after me and Carnavan were just about to leave when something had caught my eye and I knew this was something we had to take from the tomb to discover and explore.

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WWW: high vocab ao5 correct use of grammer

Ebi: put more puctuation

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www- you’ve used A05, higher vocab and A06, correct grammar      Ebi- Try fixing your spelling, and try using some more of the sucsess criteria, as you’ve only met 2.

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www- you’ve used A05, higher vocab and A06, correct grammar      Ebi- Try fixing your spelling, and try using some more of the sucsess criteria, as you’ve only met 2.

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-aiza

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Me and Carnarvon have just returned to the tomb we had discovered and we had seen the most bewildering, astounding, breathtaking, treasures!!However, something gives me the instinct that these glorious objects are so much more than just ordinary valuables.Even from the smallest feature I can tell that we have just discovered EGYPTIAN ARTEFACTS!!!They must be extremely important but the objects being ancient have given them so much value and significance that must be explored.I have a feeling that I will discover something even more shocking and I can't wait to find out what more lies in this mysterious tomb.

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Www: used high vocab
EBI: Try and use correct punctuation and spelling

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Once me and carnarvan had realized the trouble we have gotten into, we covered up the hole with a basket and left as soon as we could. But why were there so many gold and statues everywhere? What were those 2 guard statues doing? As for now my nose is very itchy as the tomb was infected with dust? I have been sneezing all night and I think my neighbours are beginning to get worried.

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www- Good use of high vocab
ebi- Follow more of the success criteria

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www: high vocab (ao5)
correct use of grammar (ao5)
ebi: add more punctuation (ao6)

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WWW- Good use of high vocab, grammar  AO5  and AO6
EBI: Next time correct spelling.When you say 'Me and Carnarvan' it should be ' Carnavan and I'

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www: use of ao5
high vocab of ao6
ebi: use more of the success criteria and more punctuation

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Me and Carnarvon we have just came back from the  tomb. What we have discovered and we have seen some spectacular treasures, so cool. I am not sure why something is just giving me the instinct. What I think is there is something better and deeper in these amazing cool treasures. I feel that we have to dig deeper to find out.  Just from the smallest detail I can tell that just we have found out something important. I can tell because the artefacts are Egyptian artefacts they are quite important. what they have given is lots of importance and also value and we must explore and find out more

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www:good use of adjectives-AO5
Ebi:add more punctuation-AO6

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www: good use of high vocab well writed EBI: use more AO6 next time

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www - had good reasons for its opinions
ebi - check your spelling and add punctuation.

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im glitching

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www: the paragraph  used some of the ao5 techniques like some high vocab
ebi: next time maybe the paragraph can include some dramatic punctuation

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Reminder of what the task was for the paragraph

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Reminder of what the task was for the paragraph

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Lesson 05 Discovery
You are Howard Carter. You have just
returned from secretly examining the tomb of Tutankhamun with Lord Carnarvan.
Continue your diary describing:
-What you have seen at the tomb.
- How you feel.

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1. If you've submitted this paragraph (Title- 05 Discovery), it is marked so I want you to check my marking and respond to the EBI. Redraft it now, hen post it here on Padlet and THEN submit it on GC on a google doc so I can mark it.

2. If you haven't submitted the work for this lesson, then you do not have an EBI to complete because you didn't allow me to mark your work. SO YOUR  TASK IS: Rewrite this entire paragraph that you just marked,  then post it here on Padlet and THEN submit it on GC on a google doc so I can mark it.

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(Descriptive techniques) (A05)

Metaphor

Simile

Sensory description

Higher vocabulary- adjectives. Verbs, adverbs

Emotive language

(A06)

Dramatic punctuation

- Ellipses, exclamation, question mark, dash

Spelling

Punctuation

grammar

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1st TASK: Mark this descriptive paragraph using the success criteria

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1st TASK: Mark this descriptive paragraph using the success criteria

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write a detailed WWW and EBI

Me and Carnarvan have just returned to the tomb we had didcovered and we have seen some amazing treasures, but something gives me the instinct that these wonderful objects are much more than  just ordinary treasures. Even from the smallest detail I can tell that we have just discovered egyptian artefacts that are extremely important but the objects being ancient have given them so much value and importance that must be explored .