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During the past few weeks, I've been paying close attention to the people around me. While life has its ups and downs, I've witnessed a whole lot of joy radiating from those closest to me. Being able to witness good things happen to beautiful people who deserve it is a blessing. I thought about how all of these things add up to a state of happiness. These are some of the things that come to mind when I think about happiness. Happiness is when not a care in the world crosses your mind, when you smile, not because you're supposed to, or because of anything other than joy. It's when you pass by a stranger and they smile. It's when you let go, when you laugh until your tummy hurts; it's when you giggle at something or nothing at all. It's when you dance like no one is watching. It's when you wake up with a smile on your face. It's the birds singing in the morning. It's that feeling you get after having a really nice conversation. It's when you feel understood, or when you understand someone else. It's when you feel peace. It's when you see the light at the end of the tunnel. It's when you accomplish something and give yourself a pat on the back. It's when that person acknowledges you. It's when you're encouraged, or when you encourage others. It's when you feel loved, or when you love others.

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The research suggests that happiness is a combination of how satisfied you are with your life (for example, finding meaning in your work) and how good you feel on a day-to-day basis. Both of these are relatively stable—that is, our life changes, and our mood fluctuates, but our general happiness is more genetically determined than anything else. The good news is, with consistent effort, this can be offset. Think of it like you think about weight: if you eat how you want to and are as active as you want to be, your body will settle at a certain weight. But if you eat less than you'd like or exercise more, your weight will adjust accordingly. If that new diet or exercise regimen becomes part of your everyday life, then you'll stay at this new weight. If you go back to eating and exercising the way you used to, your weight will return to where it started. So it goes, too, with happiness.

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What's your definition of happiness? Research in the field of positive psychology often defines a happy person as someone who experiences frequent positive emotions, such as joy, interest, and pride, and infrequent (though not absent) negative emotions, such as sadness, anxiety, and anger (Lyubomirsky et al., 2005). Happiness has also been said to relate to life satisfaction, appreciation of life, and moments of pleasure, but overall it has to do with the positive experience of emotions.

The key to these definitions is that positive emotions do not indicate the absence of negative emotions. A "happy person" experiences the spectrum of emotions just like anybody else, but the frequency with which they experience the negative ones may differ. It could be that "happy people" don't experience as much negative emotion because they process it differently or they may find meaning in a way others have not. In fact, using the phrase "happy person" is probably misleading because it implies that certain people are naturally happy or that positive things happen to them more often. Nobody is immune to life's stressors. The question is whether you see those stressors as moments of opposition or moments of opportunity.

Regardless of where you are on the happiness spectrum, each person has their own way of defining happiness. Philosophers, actors, politicians, and everybody in between have weighed in on their own view of happiness. Read some of our favorite definitions below and let us know what resonated with you.

Shirley MacLaine, Academy Award winner, said:

"To be happy, you have to be willing to be compliant with not knowing."

Michael J. Fox said:

"My happiness grows in direct proportion to my acceptance, and in inverse proportion to my expectations."

Mastin Kipp, the founder of Daily Love, said:

"I don't expect to always be happy, I simply accept what is. And that acceptance is key. This is what self-love is all about, really, acceptance and the ability to love yourself right where you are."

Aristotle said:

"Happiness is a state of activity."

Dr. Shefali Tsabary, psychologist and author, said:

"Only when we fill our own need and feel satiated from within can we truly be fulfilled and happy."

Eleanor Roosevelt said:

"Someone once asked me what I regarded as the three most important requirements for happiness. My answer was: A feeling that you have been honest with yourself and those around you; a feeling that you have done the best you could both in your personal life and in your work; and the ability to love others."

What's great about all these definitions is that commonalities start emerging. Shirley MacLaine and Michael J. Fox tell us to accept life's situations and to accept uncertainty as a natural part of life. Mastin Kipp tells us it's OK to not strive to be happy, but accept whatever we're feeling. He hints at an important concept, which is that we so often try to fix things and to be "happy" or "at peace" or "over a situation," but sometimes we need to acknowledge what we're feeling (whatever that is). What you often find is that acknowledgment will allow you to move into the "happy space" more quickly because your emotions aren't trying to get your attention. Your emotions aren't screaming at you, telling you that you're sad or angry. You've already begun the work of processing it.

Lastly, Aristotle shares a crucial part of happiness, which is staying active. How many "happy" people do you know who sit at home all day, every day? They might be content, but are they truly thriving? Happiness is often found in the doing of what you're passionate about and in building connections that are meaningful to you. Research has supported this with findings showing that strong social support is correlated with a number of positive outcomes. You might be in a rut now and you might have moments where you lose your connection to life, but you always have the opportunity to rebuild that connection.

So now it's your turn to begin finding the happiness in you. What brings you joy? Maybe it's a night in watching TV. Maybe it's a night out at a new restaurant in town. Maybe it's staying up late with your significant other. Maybe it depends on your mood. Wherever your happiness resides, go enjoy it. And tell us which of these definitions of happiness resonated with you most. Leave a comment and let us know how you define happiness.

Dr. Rubin Khoddam is a Clinical Psychologist currently working in private practice in Los Angeles, CA as well as at the West Los Angeles VA as the Team Lead in the residential rehabilitation program for individuals dealing with issues related to substance use and homelessness. Dr. Khoddam currently provides individual, couples and family therapy, as well as group therapy. He also runs the IMPROVE: Outpatient Substance Use Treatment Program, a low-demand, harm reduction substance use treatment program for individuals hoping to decrease their substance use or examine the impact of their substance use in their life. For more information, visit his site www.DrRubinKhoddam.com and follow him on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter.

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What's your definition of happiness? Research in the field of positive psychology often defines a happy person as someone who experiences frequent positive emotions, such as joy, interest, and pride, and infrequent (though not absent) negative emotions, such as sadness, anxiety, and anger (Lyubomirsky et al., 2005).

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"Happiness is a choice. You can choose to be happy. There is going to be stress in life, but it is your choice whether you let if affect you or not."

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We all want to be happy. Who doesn't? But most people fail to realize why their attempts to secure happiness are typically fraught with disappointment and failure. They too often chase this elusive state of being in misguided ways that ultimately fail them. They also tend to ignore quality research that highlights the true do's and don'ts of pursuing happiness. Certainly much has been written on this topic in both the popular and academic presses. As I review this work, as well as reflect on my experience treating patients in my clinical practice for the past three decades, I tend to think that the following four principles should always be kept in mind as we seek happiness:
1. Forget about obtaining happiness; aim for life satisfaction.
An exalted state of happiness is challenging to obtain and nearly impossible to sustain. Certainly both minor and major life events will give us moments of happiness and joy, but then we quickly return to baseline levels of happiness (or unhappiness), a phenomenon which has biological and psychosocial bases. Rather than striving to maintain an ongoing state of happiness or bliss, then, aiming for life satisfaction is more realistic-and sustainable. It's a better goal.
2. Money might rent happiness; it won't buy it.
Having financial and other resources can provide us with lives and lifestyles that are comfortable and enjoyable, but far too many people believe that money buys happiness. It just doesn't! Both research and clinical practice has demonstrated this fact again and again. We are reminded of this insight when we hear about the great distress, major life troubles, and even suicidal behaviors of our society's rich, famous, and powerful. Many celebrities find themselves deeply unhappy and suffer through drug addiction, bitter divorces, difficult relationships with their children, and tragically self-destructive behavior, including suicide-all despite their great wealth. Research from multiple sources in multiple countries has clearly shown that after securing basic needs like food and shelter there is surprisingly little connection between happiness and money.
3. Relationships matter.
It is especially sad to see so many people spending so much time and energy chasing after money and status that they neglect their significant relationships with family, friends, and others. I see this often here in Silicon Valley, where many people work so hard that they are neglectful of spouses, children, and close friends. As has been said so often (because it's true), few people say on their deathbeds that they wished they had spent more time at the office, or securing a bigger bank account. Rather, they tend to focus on key relationships because that's what truly matters. Act accordingly.
4. Happiness and life satisfaction is often secured when you aren't the center of the universe.
We live in a "me first," often narcissistic culture. This focus on me is assumed to result in more happiness. It doesn't! Surprisingly, people actually find more happiness and satisfaction when they put themselves in the background-and put others in the foreground. Focusing on the welfare of others and moving the focus off ourselves often gives us great, unexpected joy. I have heard this time and again from my patients. They so often find themselves happier and more satisfied when they focus less on themselves and more on others. (This is true of college students too.) There is empirical data to demonstrate this as well; see the references below to a few of our studies on this topic.
We all want to live a happier, more satisfied life. And while we can't control all of the variables, we can draw on quality science and best practices to maximize the odds that we will achieve it. Why not give it a try? Check out my website and follow me on Twitter @ThomasPlante Copyright 2014 Thomas G. Plante, PhD, ABPP Check out some of our studies in this area....
²Plante, T. G., Lackey, K., & Hwang, J. (2009). The impact of immersion trips on development of compassion among college students, Journal of Experiential Education, 32, 28-43.

³Mills, B.A., Bersamina, R.B., & Plante, T.G. (2007). The impact of college student immersion service learning trips on coping with stress and vocational identity, The Journal for Civic Commitment, 9, 1-8.

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4 Things You Need to Know About Pursuing Happiness

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We all want to live a happy and satisfied life. While we can't control all the variables we can use quality science and best practices to maximize the odds that we will have a happier and more satisfied life. Surprisingly, focusing on relationships and others rather than money and status is likely to help you achieve what you desire.

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Here's a little song I wrote
You might want to sing it note for note
Don't worry, be happy
In every life we have some trouble
But when you worry you make it double
Don't worry, be happy
Don't worry, be happy now

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Bobby McFerrin - Don't Worry Be Happy (Official Music Video)

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" Somewhere I read that the greatness of America is the right to protest for right. " - Martin Luther King Jr., 1968

Conflict and adversity are recurring themes throughout American history. Here, conflict is defined as the opposition between those opposed to the actions, reactions, or motivations of another entity. For example, the Union against the Confederate States during the Civil War. Adversity is considered social evils or discrimination practiced by a society against a minority. For instance, the experiences and forced segregation faced by Japanese Americans during World War II. The collection of the Smithsonian American Art Museum demonstrates this far-reaching theme in many of its artworks. From some of the earliest artworks dating to the American Revolution, to some of the most recent artworks which address the events that transpired on September 11, 2001. In each of the following artworks we will explore how artists responded to these themes of conflict and adversity in their artwork.

Click on an artwork to learn more about how that artwork connects to the theme of Conflict and Adversity.

Adversity: Man versus Society

Conflict: Man versus Man

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" Somewhere I read that the greatness of America is the right to protest for right. " - Martin Luther King Jr., 1968 Conflict and adversity are recurring themes throughout American history. Here, conflict is defined as the opposition between those opposed to the actions, reactions, or motivations of another entity.

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Glennon Doyle Melton is a powerful voice with a lot to say about identity, acceptance and learning to love ourselves as we are.

Her first book, Carry on Warrior: The Power of Embracing Your Messy, Beautiful Life, captivated millions by humorously and poignantly sharing her stories of finding her voice. Her latest book, Love Warrior, reflects on the infidelity and betrayal of Melton's previous marriage and how she used crisis to find her true identity and a better life.

Finding one's identity and building a better life are ongoing processes, Melton told Maria Shriver when the two sat down in October 2016 for an Architects of Change conversation. Those truths are evidenced by the changes Melton has continued to make in her life over the past year, including marrying soccer star Abby Wombach in May.

Today, she shares her perspective on finding acceptance and the importance of intersectionality with readers of The Sunday Paper.

On Acceptance:
We win others' acceptance by accepting ourselves and our decisions - without the defensiveness that accompanies fear of losing what we've decided we want.

It's easy to stay peaceful inside the storms of others' reactions when we know that whether they approve or not, it won't affect our decision. So when we know what we must do, we do it - and then we reveal it to people with steadiness, certainty, shamelessness and love. Then, no matter how they react, we carry on being our brave, happy, new selves.

We prove to people that we're okay by actually being okay.

And while we're carrying on, we can be patient with people who take longer to accept us because we're not waiting for their acceptance to live our lives! When we were coming out to our people and the world - Abby and I told each other, everyday - "No Lies In, Only Love Out." Listen: Eventually, people will either come around or they'll stop coming around. Either way, lovely!
On Intersectionality:
Our country is at rock bottom and since I'm a rock bottom expert, I know that it's a painful and scary place but also a place that's full of possibility. I'm hopeful.

Lots of folks in this country have been in pain for a long time - women, children, sick, poor, differently abled, non-Christians and people of color - and somehow our efforts for justice have been largely separate from each other. This moment in American history is begging all of us to rise up and join together to demand that America lives up to her promise: Freedom and justice for all instead of for a privileged few.

I see this solidarity among all marginalized groups happening all over the country and it's thrilling. First the pain, then the rising.
To read more inspiring content like this, sign up for Maria's Sunday Paper newsletter below.

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Seeking Acceptance? Start With Yourself. | Maria Shriver

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Glennon Doyle Melton is a powerful voice with a lot to say about identity, acceptance and learning to love ourselves as we are. Her first book, Carry on Warrior: The Power of Embracing Your Messy, Beautiful Life, captivated millions by humorously and poignantly sharing her stories of finding her voice.

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For many people self-acceptance is hard to come by on a good day. It's tenuous, a glass with tiny cracks, at best. On a bad day, when you've made a mistake or two, don't like how you look or feel absolutely miserable, your self-acceptance is in shards.

Fortunately, self-acceptance is something we can nurture. Look at it as a skill that you can practice versus an innate trait that you either have or don't.

Below, clinicians reveal 12 ways we can cultivate self-acceptance.
1. Set an intention.
"Self-acceptance begins with intention," according to psychotherapist Jeffrey Sumber, MA. "It is vital that we set an intention for ourselves that we are willing to shift paradigms from a world of blame, doubt and shame to a world of allowance, tolerance, acceptance and trust," he said. This intention acknowledges that self-loathing simply doesn't lead to a satisfying life. "If I set my intention that a life with self-acceptance is far better than a life of self-hatred then I begin a chain reaction within my being geared to a life of peace," Sumber said.
2. Celebrate your strengths.
"We are much better collectors of our shortcomings than our strengths," according to Ryan Howes, Ph.D, a psychologist in Pasadena, California. Psychologist John Duffy, PsyD, agrees. "[Many people] fail to see their strengths and cling to antique scripts they carry about their lack of worth," he said.

Duffy helps his clients hone in on their strengths and abilities by writing them down. If you're having a tough time coming up with your list, name one strength each day, he said. Start with something basic like "I'm a kind person," said Duffy, also author of The Available Parent. "Typically, lists evolve as the script loses its strength, and people recognize they are intelligent, and creative, and powerful, and articulate, and so on. Sometimes, we can't see ourselves until we clear the weeds," he said.

Howes suggested making a similar list: "Make a list of all the hardships you've overcome, all the goals you've accomplished, all the connections you've made, and all the lives you've touched for the better. Keep it close by, review it frequently, and add to it often."
3. Consider the people around you.
What kinds of people do you surround yourself with? Sumber suggested asking yourself these questions about the people in your life:

Who speaks negatively to me? Who reinforces negative self talk? Why do I allow such people to hurt me? Are they just doing my own dirty work because I'm not willing to choose a different reality?

4.Create a support system.
Distance yourself from people who bring you down, said Joyce Marter, LCPC, a psychotherapist and owner of Urban Balance, LLC. Instead, "Surround yourself with people who accept you and believe in you," she said.
5. Forgive yourself.
Past regrets can prevent us from practicing self-acceptance. Forgive yourself, and move on. "Whether it's about something you've done or a personality quirk that resulted in a social faux pas, it's important to learn from the mistake, make efforts to grow, and accept that you can't change the past," Howes said.

When the tinges of remorse resurface, remember these words, he said: "I made the best decision with information I had at the time." "The behavior or decision might not seem correct in hindsight, but at the time it seemed like the best choice," Howes added.
6. Shush your inner critic.
Many people equate their inner critic with a voice of reason. They think their inner critic is simply speaking the truth. But if you wouldn't say it to a loved one, it's not honesty or sincerity. It's unwarranted - and harsh - judgment.

To quiet your inner critic, Marter suggested choosing a realistic mantra. "I believe in the power of mantra and encourage clients to select a mantra that is normalizing, calming and encouraging during times when the inner critic rears its ugly head," she said. For example, you could use: "I am only human, I am doing the best that I can and that is all I can do," she said.

As Marter said, "Our mistakes and our imperfections are not bad or wrong or failures-they are the fingerprints of humanity and opportunities for learning, healing and growth."
7. Grieve the loss of unrealized dreams.
"Many of our problems with self-acceptance come from our inability to reconcile who we are as compared with the idealized dreams of our youth," Howes said. Maybe you dreamed about becoming an Olympic athlete or a multi-millionaire or staying married forever or having a big family, he said. Whatever your dreams or goals, mourn that they didn't come to pass, he said. Then "get back to being the best you possible."
8. Perform charitable acts.
"When you sacrificially give to others, you see how your deeds are a positive influence on other lives. It becomes more and more difficult to maintain the idea that you are no good when you see how your deeds help other people," Howes said.
9. Realize that acceptance is not resignation.
Marter described acceptance as letting go of the past and the things we cannot control. This way, "you can focus your energy on that which you can [control], which is empowering," she said. In fact, for some people accepting that they have a problem is the first step to making positive changes, she said.
10. Speak to your highest self.
Marter suggested readers try the following activity that includes imagining and interacting with your highest or best self.

I often ask my clients to visualize their highest and best self that lies deep within them. I ask them to imagine that highest self stepping outside of them and looking at them in their current life circumstance or situation. I ask the client to imagine what this highest or best self advises them to do.

This process of visualizing a separation or detachment from the current [or] suffering self often helps clients tap into the wisdom that already lies within them - their highest self - to promote healing.

This exercise teaches clients how to be their own best parent and demonstrate empathy, compassion and love towards the self. I advise clients to take a few minutes to meditate and practice this visualization whenever they are in crisis [or] need some direction or some self-soothing.

11. Be kind to yourself.
Many people are hesitant to show even a shred of self-kindness because they see it as selfish or undeserved. But the key to self-compassion is "to understand that weakness and frailty are part of the human experience," according to Deborah Serani, PsyD, a psychologist and author of Living with Depression. "Coming to accept who you are involves loving yourself because of your flaws, not in spite of them," she said. You'll find more on practicing self-compassion here and here.
12. Fake it 'til you make it.
If you're unconvinced that you're a worthy person, keep the faith and keep at it. Keep practicing self-compassion along with the other suggestions. "Most of us do not have direct communication from our deity of choice, yet we take the leap and trust that our God is true and real. The same goes for our self-acceptance. I first must think and do before I know," Sumber said.

Therapists Spill: 12 Ways to Accept Yourself

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Therapists Spill: 12 Ways to Accept Yourself | Psych Central

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For many people self-acceptance is hard to come by on a good day. It's tenuous, a glass with tiny cracks, at best. On a bad day, when you've made a mistake or two, don't like how you look or feel absolutely miserable, your self-acceptance is in shards.