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This video is a great example of how our actions can cause harm, even if that wasn't the original intention. I'm sure that the bartenders thought they were being kind, thoughtful, and helpful by offering a ride home. At first, the offer was those things. But after being told "no" so many times, it's clear that they weren't trying to help Matthew for Matthew's sake, but their own. It is so important to allow people to make their own choices and live their life how they want to live it, regardless of if you have a disability or not. Walking home is something that many people enjoy, and they should be allowed to make the choice of walking home without being harassed. If I were in Matthew's position, I would feel extremely uncomfortable and unsafe. I would be thinking "I already said no countless of times, why can't they just leave me alone? Why do they want to give me a ride home so bad?". I'm not sure if they wanted to give Matthew a ride home because they thought he was really drunk or because he has CP, but either way, it was out of line to completely disregard what Matthew had clearly communicated.

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I think Matthew was right about how others might want to help those that have disabilities may have personal agenda's of doing it to satisfy there own 'I am kind, because...' need.

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Watching this view, it is a good reminder. That even though you think that someone needs help because it doesn't look like they are doing it correctly to you. Doesn't mean that you need to step in. If ask a person if they need help, and they decline. It is ok. To move on. Its also ok to ask again but after that you are just being rude and you aren't respecting the person.

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This is a difficult scenario to watch as I have worked in a bar previously. It is sometimes difficult to decipher if someone is innebriated, and that can be scary as the consequences for someone being hurt or causing an accident are serious, and we want to keep others safe. In addition to this mindset I do think they acted out of a desire to be helpful, but it seems to be rooted in ignorance. This was clearly a complete disregard of boundaries, and I believe disrespect for Matthew's personhood. I think about if this happened to me, I would feel the opposite of helped, I would feel stressed and unsafe at the idea of being forced to ride in a strangers car.

After reading others responses, I want to say I was also surprised Matthew didn't take the opportunity to educate them. But I also understand that this isn't his responsibility. Such a frustrating situation for Matthew but hoping that they learned from this experience and realized they made them  feel uncomfortable.

The first thing I learned as an employment specialist is to ask people if they would like help, before providing assistance. Everyone is the expert in their own life, listening to others is extremely important. We should go out of our way to empower others and foster independence

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My thoughts in response to this video are regarding the final questions posed by the speaker when he was concluding his story. Oftentimes, I think that people are afraid of the unknown and thus have the tendency to want to take control of situations with people who have disabilities by jumping in and taking control of the situation, even when the person doesn't really need or want the assistance. When working with this population, it is important that a person is focusing on facilitating active and full communication.

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This video was frustrating to listen to because of how many times the storyteller declined their offers. I think that the world creates problematic theories when we leave out the voices that need to be listened to the most. I believe we have the best intent at heart when most of us offer to assist another human, but we need to make sure our assistance is not a hindrance.

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My first takeaway from this video is yikes! That seems like such a frustrating position Matthew was put in and in his shoes I absolutely would feel like my boundaries weren't being respected. It makes me think of different times in my life when someone wasn't listening to me/ respecting my wishes and how de-humanizing that feels. I'm also a little creeped out about the thought of someone pulling up next to me in a van asking me to get in, especially after already telling them no! I would not feel safe.
I understand that the bartenders probably did have good intentions - and it makes sense to me that they would be concerned about someone who looked visibly intoxicated. I think they crossed the line though when after asking Matthew clearly told them no and that he was okay. Also the fact that he told them he was happy to walk. I could see the concern if he said he was about to hop in a car and drive.
This also makes me reflect on the dignity of risks. It reminds me of working with a client with a seizure disorder who constantly had to advocate for her right to be allowed to do the all the activities she wanted. One of her favorite things to do was to go horseback riding and she would often get pushback that it wasn't safe for her to do so. She would say "if I fall, I fall, so what." It was much more important for her to be able to do things she enjoys than to spend all day at home in a bubble never getting inured. She would also deal with people out in the community seeing her have a seizure and them trying to help her in ways that were actually harmful. Having multiple seizures a day was a normal, predictable part of her life and she would struggle with well intentioned people wanting to call 911 for her despite her saying no she was fine.
I think this video is a good reminder to check in with yourself and make sure that you're actually doing the right thing even when your intentions are good. Listening to people and respecting their wishes is so important. It's important in our work to realize that everyone is an individual and to not let our own biases cloud our judgement. It can be easy to think "this is how I like doing X" or "this is how I would want to be treated" but this isn't always the same for everyone.

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People sometimes just want to help, their hearts are in the right place but just going about it the wrong way. Once upon a time, i was a bartender. Serving alcohol has a lot of regulations and restrictions. If i seen someone wobbly, I have to make quick judgment if this person been drinking or not. Really taking in non verbal and verbal cues so that i don't over serve them. Asking if the person wants a ride and persistently asking is just to much. Some people don't have knowledge or the disability etiquette of working or being around someone that does have disability. Some people just want to go out of they way to help and not necessarily that person wants the help. I was working with a client that was mobile by a wheelchair and his backpack that was hanging on the wheelchair was coming off. He was trying to put the loops back on and was no doing what he wanted. I asked if wanted my help and he said no. Everyone that seen him that didn't know that i asked was looking at me like i was the devil.

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Nolan Hill

The first thing that comes to mind with from the conclusions made by Matthew at the end of the video come from my experience with job coaching. He mentions people with disabilities not necessarily needing or wanting help despite it appearing as though they do. A major component of job coaching is fostering independence with work tasks. While it may be easier for a job coach to intervene or directly assist with tasks, often times this only appeases the frustration or natural instinct of a coach when it is not actually beneficial to the employee being supported.

Another perspective could be that Matthew should have informed them of his disability in order for them to understand why his demeanor was unusual. However, this is contrary to a person first approach to life, as he would be forced to define himself to strangers based on his disability and he may prefer not to do so.

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After watching the video my first reaction was on the topic of "victimising" an individual. It was obvious that Matthew knew the "strength" and "capability" of his own body. The bar employees were so quick to react in a way that made them feel heroic, and Matthew as someone who needed their help. The truth was that these were all false feelings. Matthew did not need help, and in the end he was left with unsettled feelings and being forced to entertain a conversation he did not want to have.
I was frustrated for Matthew in the end of this video. He continued to remain calm and polite to these bar employees who were slowly harassing him through this unwanted help. The resolution questions that Matthew asked were important to ask whether you are speaking to a person with a disability or not. Our culture is becoming more self-aware and "person first" with each year, and the tools I am learning through videos like Matthew's are allowing me to build conversation skills for everyday life.
A question I will now ask myself before engaging in new interactions: "what are my intentions?"

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I think Matthew would have understood if the bartenders asked him once - maybe twice- if he was ok to get home. Especially knowing he would not be driving. He is an adult enjoying an adult activity, he wasn't driving and he assured them he was capable of getting home. Bar staff have a responsibility to try and make sure customers leave their establishments safely, but unless they were chasing down all the patrons, their behavior toward Matthew was over the top and he felt that.
In the context of my work as an employment specialist, dignity of risk is very important for my clients - I do my best to always defer to their needs and wants.

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I am sure that there are a litany of different ways to look at this situation. This viewpoint is coming from someone who is able-bodied and that is important for me to note. The bartenders and servers clearly believe that Matthew is drunk, that is why they keep checking on him. They are also hyper aware, that depending on the state, if someone is over served at a restaurant/bar and ends up causing any injury that night while drunk driving, said Bar/Restaurant/Server/Bartender could be legally liable. This is all important to point out as far as what was going on in their heads. For Matthew, this idea that he needs to explain to everyone about his Cerebral Palsy, must be a frustrating one, also within his HIPPA rights to not have to disclose.
I ultimately would have liked to see Matthew ask for the bartender to come over, speak in an-side/private conversation that he is not drunk, and that its a medical condition he cannot control, and that would have been the end of it.  Again, I have no idea the constant frustration that goes with having to explain his disability, but Matthew was in a private establishment, that was worried about the possibility of Matthew being over served and then potentially driving and they could be at fault.  It all could have been squashed if he had said a quick thing about it, and it would have been dropped.
This is just my opinion, I am always open to others thoughts/ and opinions.

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This certainly would be a bizarre interaction. I can see both sides of the coin on this one. On the bartender side, If Matthew is wobbling then it is not at all uncommon for them to make sure he is good to go home and offer to call for a ride. However it is extremely weird how far they attempted to assist him after him repeatedly declining their offers. On Matthew's side i'm sure it was extremely annoying as more often than not people try to be aggressively helpful to those with disabilities and it can get annoying. I think that in an ideal scenario they should have checked to see if he was good to go home and when he confirmed offer to get him a cab and if he declined they should have left it at that.

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This was frustrating even just to watch, therefore, I cannot even imagine what Matthew felt personally. I feel the workers had good intentions to start, but once they ignored Matthew's responses, the "good" began to dissipate. It's usually okay, and even polite, to ask any individual if they would like assistance or not, but believing that you know another person's needs more than they do themselves, is rude and ignorant. I can understand why Matthew didn't elaborate- It isn't his responsibility to constantly educate abled individuals to correctly respond to people with disabilities. I appreciate these videos, as it spreads awareness on the topic.

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As an empath and watching this video I can understand and see both sides of this situation.  For the bartenders, they see thousands of people coming in and out of the bar and hold a certain sense of responsibility to their patrons.  Speaking from experience as a bar tender, I definitely understand where their intentions were in wanting to help get Matthew home.  Over-serving was always on my mind and potentially being the reason someone might not make it home safe was always a worry.
I believe a level of awareness could have helped the bartenders in this situation.  Maybe they have never interacted with a person like Matthew and don't understand what cerebral palsy is and just mistakenly thought he was drunk.  In this case, the word awareness keeps circling in my mind.  How do we bring more awareness of all disabilities into a population of people that don't understand or have any experience interacting with a person who has a disability?

For Matthew I'm sure situations like this are more frequent than he would like, it must be so frustrating advocating for yourself and not being heard or understood. He should have been able to say no once and that be the end of this situation. He holds every right to be blunt and doesn't owe the bartenders any explanations. Again, awareness need to be brought to the public on how to be helpful.

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Kari Monreal

I can definitely feel his frustrations and this is an excellent reminder to never assume. - Ask ... but not over and over again. - Also, I think that it is strange the employees of the bar offered a ride more then once then showed up with a van?? That just isn't right and a little scary. - that being said, the employees may have been genuine and concerned he was intoxicated. They could have asked clearer questions and maybe Mathew would have understood as well that they did not realize that he has cerebral palsy. Either way though, no means no.

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I do not feel that the bartenders actions were justified. I feel that it's very important to listen to people. While I understand the good intentions, Matthew is a grown adult that can make decisions for himself. If he can decide to order a drink, then he can decide to walk himself home without help. It would have been far more appropriate for the staff to offer once, then let Matthew know they're available if he changes his mind.

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Hearing the story, I can't even imagine the frustration he felt during the interaction. He is right in saying their intentions were in the right place, but the continual questioning on whether or not he needs help can be so demeaning. It is so important to learn how to be helpful, instead of just assuming what is helpful. As an employment specialist this is just another reminder, that we don't know what our client's needs are unless we ask. Clients are well aware of their needs, and although we can offer support and additional resources, we should rely on the client to help us understand how we can assist them.

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I enjoyed the video that Matthew Hall posted, what it shows is that while people mean well, what is needed is education on proper etiquette when addressing PWD. Unless you are invested in learning how to make sure all feel inclusive you can very easily error in you efforts to communicate with someone that my be different from you.

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I believe we make assumptions about other people in general. We don't take time to really think about them before we want to help them. In doing this we are not only taking away their dignity and respect they deserve, we may also be taking away their independence. Not everyone will speak up for themselves and after being asked once or multiple times if they would like help the person may give in. If they do give in then we have taken their independence away from them.

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Sarah Davis reactions to Matthew Hall's video

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Sarah Davis reactions to Matthew Hall's video

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My heart is upset with the over the top help they offered. However, I do see the desire to help Matthew.
As we become more inclusive (hopefully), I would hope the bartender and server will understand and honor his decision to not have help.
Listening is the biggest issues I have been struggling with, from family member not listening to each other to friends not wanting to fully listening to other friends. We have become an impatient group of people these days.
If we listen to people and hear their words and intentions, this would help greatly with inclusion.
I worked as a job coach for 6 years and raised an individual with disabilities (who identifies as Proudly Autistic). The only way I can be and have been successful is listening the person in front of me. Hearing their intention and not my thoughts. I have countless stories to prove this statement.

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Almost harassed by the bar staff because they thought he was intoxicated. It is important to ask people if they need help and how you can help if you’re going to offer it. Don’t just give it them without their consent.

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My question in this scenario is how are strangers supposed to know that this individual is different and that his needs may be different? I agree that he has the right to privacy and does not need to disclose his diagnosis and the reason for appearing to be (or maybe actually being) more affected by what he has had to drink but how then are the well meaning staff members to know that he doesn't need their help? The assumption seems to be that they are going overboard in insisting to offer help because he is visibly disabled but what if they are only noticing his impairment? I think as a society we are taught that helping is a good thing and that there may even be punitive action for not helping (for example: being mandated reporters and not calling attention to abuse or mistreatment) and yet we are supposed to be able to stop on a dime and turn a blind eye because it might cross a line and cause offense? Some of my hesitation may be because I live in the south and the culture is different here but I am not sure that just because the staff member's misguided offers of help made Matthew uncomfortable that they were wrong to make the offers. I think, on the whole, we as a society needs to see more people with different abilities so we can normalize helpful interactions with them.

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I think that we feel the need to try to continue to help even after the person has declined is, we think they really do need help. We tend to think the person turned it down because they want to prove they do not need help. Sometimes we just can't accept that the person wants to try for themselves. We just have to step back, and wait to be asked for help. I know I don't want someone trying to jump in front of me to do everything for me, because they don't think I can do it for myself.

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I can’t imagine who frustrated Matthew must have felt at being treated like his voice didn’t matter.  The people at the bar were likely coming from a place of genuine caring, but once he said no a couple of times they needed to back off.  He wasn’t hesitating or giving any reason for them to think he was just being shy about needing help.  I think it’s important to remember how everyone, no matter their circumstance, wants to feel independent and capable.   I have been dealing with joint issues that limit what my hands can do.  For a while I had lost the ability to do all kinds of daily tasks and needed help from my partner.  I hated asking for help but did when I needed it.  I also took great pride in being able to do things for myself again as I improved.  My take away from Matthew’s story is just to think about how you would want to be treated when dealing with others. With my clients, that means taking the time to get to know them, really listening to them, and not making assumptions.

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Holly Hartman's reaction to the video...

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Holly Hartman's reaction to the video...

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I am surprised that the opportunity was not taken to self-advocate for himself when the employees went after him, concerned about his ability to get home safely. As a person with a disability myself, I have experienced the good intentions of misunderstood people. It should not be our job to educate or self-advocate all of the time, but we end up doing it anyway both on the job and off the job for ourselves. I admit sometimes I'm just too tired and burned out like Matthew, to really self-advocate and I just let it go and move on.

I think if people took more time to observe some situational awareness, a lot of situations like this would not happen as often. Fortunately, self-advocacy is not as widely needed with the use of social media, and other platforms for some disabilities to become more widely visible and socially aware through many tv shows, podcasts, and other means of information distribution and that can be beneficial in various rural areas where there are little to no available services/support, but the population is familiar with (insert person/show/platform here) because they heard about it. (Example: Lauren Ridloff as Connie on the Walking Dead, now she is Makkari on the Eternals, and ASL/subtitles/closed captioning is becoming more widely seen).

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Completely understand his frustrations at the staff virtually ignoring his responses regarding the need for help. It is almost understandable where the staff is coming from, they see an individual who they think is in need of assistance and they want to continuously push the need to help. Especially given their environment; a bar. They want to make sure that this individual is safe and able to take care of themselves as they've been continuously exposed to people who have not been. What they failed to do was actively listen to Matthew who repeatedly denied requests for assistance and showed his competency/autonomy, they didn't provide the respect he was due and as such took away his autonomy and left him frustrated.

It's an unfortunately common situation where people do too much to try and help when it is not at all necessary.

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Most people judge their peers by their actions. We often think that if someone is saying no to help, they are saying no because they don't want to be a burden on others. It's hard for some (or most) to take no for an answer but we need to retrain our minds to understand that when someone says no, accept it and that they will reach out for help if it is needed. Just be sure to let them know that you are there if they do need anything.

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"Actions speak louder than words" Most people judge us by our actions. Its harder to do than it sounds. If we are not always striving for awareness, we will not get them.
We are not always right. As we are work to become more emotionally intelligent, we must realize that our culture shaped a lot of our thoughts. Sometimes, we need to change those thoughts to get better results

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Matthew's feelings are valid for feeling frustrated, pushed, or/and oppressed. They wouldn't take no for an answer and they didn't respect his boundaries.

As a deaf individual myself, I experience this type of behavior from others often so I take the opportunity to educate others to treat me just the same as hearing people. I empower my clients to stand up for themselves and not to let others treat them like this gentleman on the video. There are many people who haven't been educated on how to deal with diversity of people. My reflection on this is I need to continue to empower my clients to be able to speak up for themselves not just for their place of employment but for their own personal lives as well. This will help them grow as an individual and thrive in life.

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Walker M - Reflections on Matthew Hall video

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Walker M - Reflections on Matthew Hall video

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Matthew's description of the dignity of autonomy reminded me of the importance of "planning to fade."

As an employment support specialist, I need to plan from day one to work myself out of my clients' way - providing just enough support to help clients achieve their goals independently as quickly as possible.  We all want to have as much independence and autonomy in our lives as we can, and in some of my clients I see the frustration they feel at not being afforded the degree of autonomy that they deserve, whether it's from family, caregivers, case workers, etc.  I don't want to add to that frustration!  I want to help my clients enjoy the dignity of autonomy that we sometimes take for granted.

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Michiko Christiansen

First of all I am deaf.  I work as job coach with deaf clients. This video is the most common situation that happens to every disabled individual. This happened to me as well.

Two things:
1. people can be ignorant or don't know what to do or get very impatient
2. people do try their best to be helpful which it is no fault on their own

This is where the empowerment comes in. I often empowered myself to educate them. However by educating them repeatedly and they sometimes get it or not which it can be taxing. I encourage the interested or curiosity individual to go to school and study in culture and disability sensitivity.
As for my job is to empower my clients to do the same. Have them to teach their peers about the deaf culture.
In this video I am surprised to see that Matthew did not educate them or empowered himself.

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Don't forget to put your name at the top of your post so that you will get credit for completing the homework.

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Some Reflections on the Matthew Hall Video

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Some Reflections on the Matthew Hall Video

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Watch the video and post your reactions and reflections.

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Respect and Dignity, Intentions vs. Action