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This is my mother. She is a mom of 6 children. She’s a person who I look up to the most. She is very hardworking. She wakes up in the morning and go to work after a tiring day she cooks for the family and afterwards she will do the remaining of the house chores. In my almost 15 years of living I haven’t even heard my mom complain about anything. She isn’t the type of person that show her feeling so if she is sad or tired she will keep it to herself and she is an understanding mother. She is the best mother that I could ever wish for.

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How I Finally Set Boundaries With My Abusive Dad

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Abusing someone is not a way to express your anger. It is traumatising and can lead to mental health issues to the victim. When we are mad at someone we can just walk away and discuss about it when we are calm.

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The last time my father hit me was seven years ago. I was in my late twenties, living in Vancouver and visiting my family in Alberta. My dad was drinking a little bit, and my sister and I got into a pretty big fight about our extended family. I was upstairs and I could hear my dad telling my mom that he was annoyed with me. My sister ran out of the house after our fight-and then, I heard my dad coming upstairs so I hid in a closet. Eventually, he found me. When my dad was mad at me, he'd often tell me to go kill myself. That day, he told me that when I got back to Vancouver I should jump off a bridge because I'm someone who just causes problems. After repeating that for a good 15 minutes, he took a knife and put it in my hands.

That was it. I started screaming at the top of my lungs because I just couldn't handle repeatedly being told to kill myself. When I start yelling, he hit me because he thought I was going to get him in trouble with his neighbours. After he punched me in the face three times, I stopped screaming. Then he sat next to me on the bed, petting my head. It was fucking uncomfortable. I wanted to get away from him but after he hit me, I wasn't about to move. My mom was there too, sitting on the other side of me. She had tried to intervene, tried to pull him off of me when he was hitting me, but it didn't make a difference.

Growing up, my dad was the person I was closest to in my family

After that episode, my dad didn't talk to me for three months. I think it's because he felt shame and guilt. I don't think my dad's a bad person. He just hasn't been taught how to handle his anger.

My dad came from India to Canada when he was in his 20s, and then re-educated himself in computer science. Growing up, he was the person that I was closest to in my family. When I was a kid, he would drive me to school every day, listening to my opinions on what I was being taught or what was happening in the news. When I was older, I didn't hide much from him. He'd be the one to pick me up at 1 a.m. from a party so I would have a safe ride home.

He didn't abuse my mom or my younger sister physically (or emotionally, that I'm aware of). It was just me. My sister wasn't any more obedient than me-she was just a better liar. She would tell my parents she was studying at school for hours instead of saying she was out with friends. She never understood why I told them the truth, especially since that's what often landed me in trouble.

My parents were pretty liberal compared to my extended family and some of the larger Punjabi community in my hometown. But I still struggled to conform to their expectations of being Indian-being accomplished at school, things like that. And when I didn't conform, it caused problems.

When I was in grade five, I showed up crying at school one day and said, "I got in trouble with my dad." My teacher brought me to the school counselor and I really underplayed what had happened. I don't even remember what the root of the conflict was on that particular day, it was just that the kinds of questions my teacher was asking me made it seem like my dad was bad. I didn't think my dad was bad. In fact, I thought I was the bad one and blamed myself for the abuse.

I'm just not a good kid. I'm the one that challenged him. I knew that would make him mad. I would never think, He was wrong.

The abuse would happen when I questioned him, asking things like "Why can't I take band?" or, "Why can't I go hang out with my friends at the mall?" I was never a rebellious kid by Western standards-I didn't drink, smoke or do drugs. I just wasn't willing to listen to someone telling me what to do. I wanted to know why I couldn't do that thing, because if there was no reasonable explanation, well, then I was going to do what I wanted to do. But questions like these sent my dad into a rage-his violence was an immediate reaction to them.

I only started thinking he was the one who was wrong as a teenager, but I still didn't seek help, until that very last time he beat me up. I've gone to counsellors over the years, but I felt like I was just being talked to as a diagnosis, not a person. Then I tried a life coach and her approach was very different. She helped me discover answers on my own and make me reflect on my life and circumstances in a way that felt transformative. I work with one now who specializes in childhood trauma.

I've always kept in touch with my dad no matter what

I've been living away from home for ten years, but I've always kept in touch with my dad no matter what was going on in our relationship. I could cut myself off from him, but that would also mean cutting myself off from the rest of my family, my mom and my sister, because they are all so close. My mother has never really acknowledged the abuse, other than advising me that I have just move on and let it go. She never let me process it. It's impacted our relationship-there's no depth to it. And I never even thought about talking to my sister about what was going on. She's four and half years younger, and growing up she just seemed like a baby to me. But two years ago, when she was pregnant with her first child, she told me she talked to my dad about it. She told him that if he had ever done what he did to me, they wouldn't have a relationship. I was shocked. That night, I cried in bed because it was the first time someone in my family had even acknowledged what I had been through.

Even though my parents have hurt me, I don't feel like their intention is to hurt me. I have a deep respect for them regardless of the shit that I've been through. It's my responsibility to work on my shit, not for me to change them. And while the physical abuse has stopped, the emotional abuse hasn't.

But my perspective has shifted. My work with my life coach has helped me realize I was living for my dad's approval all the time. Now, if I don't get it, I realize it doesn't mean anything about me. I do my best and if I don't receive his approval or acceptance, I can't do anything about that. This has helped set a boundary with my father for the first time in my life.

I finally realized, No, this isn't okay anymore

A few months ago, my dad and I were talking on the phone, and he was demeaning me about where my life is at-that I wasn't far enough professionally, that I'm well into my thirties and not married. My initial reaction to that was to apologize, to say, "Yes, you're right." When we talked later that week, he blew up again. He said the problem with me is that I'm not the type of person who lets things go. Something clicked in me that day. Something that was just like, No, this is not okay. So I got off the phone, and I didn't call him back right away to smooth things over as I would usually do.

Exactly a month later, he called me. After we talked for a while, I asked, "Hey, Dad. Did you want to talk about why I haven't talked to you in a month?" He apprehensively agreed. Then I said, "I appreciate your concern for me, but maybe you could consider a different approach." He told me to shut up and that he'll never be sorry for being a concerned parent, but that he is sorry I'm unsuccessful in life, and then he hung up on me.

We didn't speak for nearly four months-the longest I've gone not talking to my father. I didn't really have the desire to call him. Before this, I would have just picked up the phone. This was the first time I ever called him out on his behaviour, and I was willing and open to talk about it. But he wasn't. There wasn't much else for me to do. Something changed in me during that conversation. Finally setting a boundary with my dad meant not actually standing up to him as much as it was standing up for myself. The decision to do this was a culmination of everything else that was going on in my life-my work stress was reaching a breaking point and I took a sick leave shortly after, and I was also having trouble with some key friendships. It was me finally realizing, No, this isn't okay anymore. A parent can be worried about you, but they don't have the right to verbally abuse you.

When he finally called me months later, he apologized. He acknowledged his behaviour, but still hasn't acknowledged the physical abuse. He said, "I'm getting older and what will I do if I don't have a relationship with my family?" I responded that that can't be the only reason we have a relationship. We had a good conversation, but this time away has helped me reset how I interact with him. I'm being more cautious now-I don't think someone changes after one conversation. I talked to him significantly less that I used to. Before this fight, I would call him out of habit. Now, I call him once every two or three weeks.

Looking back, my relationship with my dad has always been about trying to prove to him that I was valuable, that the warmth I bring to the world is meaningful even if I'm not achieving all the milestones he wants for me. I've done a lot of work on myself to know my worth-and now I know it doesn't come from his approval.
Call 911 if you're in immediate danger from abuse. If you're in a abusive relationship-or want to help a friend who is-call the Assaulted Women's Helpline at 1-866-863-0511 for support; crisis counselling is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. For additional, cross-Canada resources, check out this directory from the Ending Violence Association of Canada. Related: How to Support a Friend in an Abusive Relationship
"My Ex Stalked Me For 11 Years"
Why Ghosting Is a Form of Self Protection for Women

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How I Finally Set Boundaries With My Abusive Dad

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The last time my father hit me was seven years ago. I was in my late twenties, living in Vancouver and visiting my family in Alberta. My dad was drinking a little bit, and my sister and I got into a pretty big fight about our extended family.

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I know this case from the Netflix documentary “ American Murder : The Family Next Door “. One of things that jumps out at me is how perfect this family seemed on social media . We put so much pressure on ourselves to have what we see on social media not realizing what actually happens behind doors . Besides that , nobody has a right to kill other person . If you are not happy , just walk away . Those kids did nothing bad to this man yet he killed them .

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Last year, Chris Watts, a 33-year-old Colorado man, murdered his pregnant wife Shannan and two daughters, 4-year-old Bella and 3-year-old Celeste, and buried their bodies in an oil work site. Although Watts initially denied having any involvement with his wife's and daughters' deaths, he later confessed to strangling Shannan and suffocating his two daughters, which, prosecutors argued, he did because he was having an affair with another woman and wanted to leave his family. In November 2018, Watts pleaded guilty to first-degree murder and was sentenced to five life sentences - three consecutive and two concurrent - without the possibility of parole.

Now, new details have emerged regarding the Watts case. First, Watts gave an interview to police from a Wisconsin prison on Feb. 18, reportedly after finding religion while incarcerated. Then, Steven Lambert, the attorney for Shannan Watts' family, went on Dr. Phil to talk about what Watts had said. During the televised interview, Lambert said that Watts strangled his wife after revealing to her that he was having an affair with a coworker and wanted a divorce. (The coworker, Nichol Kessinger, 30, has claimed that Watts told her he was in the process of divorcing his wife and that they were separated.) "And she had said something to the effect of, 'Well, you're not gonna see the kids again.' As a consequence of that conversation, he strangled her to death," Lambert said on the show.

Lambert also revealed that Watts' 4-year-old daughter, Bella, saw Watts preparing to move Shannan's body "and what he said was that, 'Mommy is sick, we need to take her to the hospital to make her better.'" Watts then took the girls into his truck and smothered them before burying them in an oil drum.

Although the case horrified people across the country, Watts' acts are not unprecedented. In many ways, he fits squarely in the pattern of family annihilators, a term for men ( mostly white males in their 30s) who murder their entire families. Here's an overview of the psychology behind family annihilation, and what drives the men who commit such heinous acts.

What is family annihilation?
Family annihilators is a term used to describe men ( mostly white males in their 30s) who murder their entire families. The technical term is "familicide, which basically refers to the killing of one's partner or spouse and one or the more of the children, [often] followed by the suicide of the perpetrator," explains Dr. Neil Websdale, director of the Family Violence Institute at Northern Arizona, who published a 2010 book on the subject.

Often, family annihilation cases are prompted by an inciting incident, such as a job loss, says Dr. N.G. Berrill, forensic psychologist and director of New York Forensics, a private consulting group in New York City. (Neither Websdale nor Berrill have any connection to the Watts case.) There are "several different scenarios: one is that there's long-term chaos or strife in the house, or if there's concerns about [a wife's] infidelity, or there's a history of domestic violence," he says.

Regardless, it is usually "the culmination of a very bad situation that's festered," Berrill says.

What are some of the defining characteristics of family annihilators?
Broadly speaking, family annihilation cases tend to fall on something of a "continuum," says Websdale. "Some cases involve very violent, controlling batterers who are misogynistic, who engage in lots of acts of domestic violence up to the time of the killing," he says. "At the other end of the continuum - which is really about the ability to regulate or repress anger - you're looking at more controlled, repressed, depressed individuals who may be on the edge of a psychotic break."

Occasionally, family annihilators will struggle with drug or alcohol abuse, which will reduce their ability to control their impulses; sometimes, they will exhibit signs of psychotic behavior, such as delusions or paranoia. "I've seen a number of occasions where the psychotic response or the delusions that run the psychotic behavior have this individual convinced that something evil is afloat, maybe possession. People in the family are out to kill them," says Berrill. "It's kind of done in a retaliatory manner, but acting out of psychotic belief."

Perhaps most terrifyingly, Webdale says that "roughly about a third" of men who kill their families "involve the more repressed, depressed offenders, where we don't have any known history of domestic violence." While he's careful to note that that doesn't mean there was not a history of domestic violence (and for what it's worth, there is no indication that Watts was violent toward his wife and daughters), it's clear that the phenomenon is not limited to men who fit the profile for domestic abusers.

More often, family annihilators are characterized by an overwhelming sense of rage, whether it's repressed or not. "There had to be one final stressor in those kind of scenarios, where someone just determines they were so angry or enraged they are just going to kill their family," says Berrill.

How does the Watts case fit in with all this?
In the larger context of family annihilation cases, Watts's case is somewhat unique. For starters, there is no evidence that he tried to take his own life after killing his family, as most family annihilators do. "The person who does it feels like they're sparing their family from eminent financial harm or ruin or embarrassment, so they kill their family and themselves," Berrill says. In fact, mere hours after their disappearance was reported, Watts appeared on local TV to plead for their safe return, and his web history reveals that he was happily planning a relationship with his new girlfriend, Googling jewelry and secluded weekend getaways.

Websdale believes this behavior may have stemmed from Watts' belief that he could get away with the murders. "I think the fact that he didn't commit suicide...may speak to this aggressive, narcissistic kind of personality, which says that he thinks he may be able to get away with this," he says. "It speaks to the fact that he's very very much self-centered and [felt] entitled to do these things."

Additionally, unlike many family annihilators, Watts didn't have a history of domestic violence or controlling, abusive behavior; nor was he motivated by an impending catastrophic event, such as an impending job loss or financial disaster. While he hasn't revealed his motive, judging by the prosecutor's report that he had argued with Shannan about wanting a divorce shortly before the murders, it seems that he was simply driven by a desire to start a new relationship with another woman, without being burdened by his family. "He [likely wanted to] preserve his right to pursue a relationship he wanted to pursue, and ideally without being incarcerated," Berrill says.

Lambert's revelation that Shannan threatened to take the kids away from Watts could also have played into his motive for the murders. "If he was being confronted by his spouse and she was threatening to take the kids away and he'd never see them again because of his affair, it might have provoked a level of rage that resulted in his inability to control himself," Berrill says. "Rather than 'you'll take the kids away from me,' it's 'I'll take the kids away by murdering them.'" For this reason, Websdale believes that Watts "fits the profile for some sort of antisocial personality disorder," which he says describes about one-fifth of family annihilators.

How common are family annihilation cases?
All told, family annihilation cases are not common at all: Webdale estimates that there are only "between 10 and 20 cases a year," which, contrasted with the rate of intimate partner homicide cases (1,500 per year), makes it an extremely rare phenomenon.

But when they do occur, the horrific nature of the crime, as well as the wider implications of such cases, usually results in a great deal of media coverage. "There is a lesson here for a lot of people, and...it's that you can never know what's in someone's heart and soul completely, especially when they're as vulnerable and psychically flawed as some of these folks are," Webdale says.

While somewhat of an exception in the context of family annihilation cases, the Watts case reveals not just the horrific depths to which humanity can sink, but also just how little we can do to anticipate such events or prevent them from occurring. The truth of the Watts case - that we can never truly know what goes on inside someone's heart - is so bleak that knowing how rare such cases are is little comfort.

"To be quite blunt with you, I get asked this question all the time with regards to intimate partner homicide. You can't predict [it] at all," Websdale states flatly when asked if there are any signs that a man may be capable of murdering his family. "[We] see folks who end up being killed and are not aware of someone's potential for that, thinking, 'Oh, no, he could never do this to me,' or, 'He could never do this to the kids.' The research is clear: these guys have secret lives, to be candid. They fantasize. They plan. They strategize, sometimes. They keep it to themselves. Bearing that in mind is important."

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What Drives a Man to Kill His Own Family? Inside the Psychology of Family Annihilators

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Last year, Chris Watts, a 33-year-old Colorado man, murdered his pregnant wife Shannan and two daughters, 4-year-old Bella and 3-year-old Celeste, and buried their bodies in an oil work site.

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Yes, I agree with the speaker. I know that parents want their kids to be their best but that does mean that you can just make our childhood yours. There’s no reason to force your kids to do everything to the parents liking such as hobbies. Sometimes parents just need to give them space and trust to make them happy. The statement that the speaker said is nor surprising or new to me because nowadays parent wants their children to be perfect. They want their children to learn everything and make no mistakes such as in exams. They don’t care about the children need or even mental health. I see many kids express their feelings and thoughts through social media and not with their family. It makes me wonder and worry about the new generation.

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Based on the presentation of the talk, I am strongly agree with her that as parents, happiness is truly a number one priority. For example, it is useless that although we have a lot of wealth and property, but do not a single time to spend with family. We must focus on maintaining the current relationship at present rather than chasing the unknown future.

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Dad: I can take care of the kids while you are travelling.
Mom: No, let me take them with me so you can focus on your work.

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Parenting is hard. You need to prepare yourself  physically and mentally if you want to have kid. Because its gonna be a long way with them. From baby,kid,teen and adult.

Every child is different in their own way,so are the parents way to educate them. Dont be too strict with them,it will bound their true potential,trust the process.

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The man is suspecting his wife fidelity, but he shouldn’t have poison the kids. They don’t even know anything. They should’ve a talk about their relationship and settled it in peace.

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Suspecting wife’s extramarital relations, man poisons 2 kids, self.
#HusbandSuicide It’s Daily dosage of news now. This suicide will be registered as death due 2 family issues. No provision in our #GenderBiasedLaws that the wife or her family would charged of abetment to suicide.

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Suspecting wife’s extramarital relations, man poisons 2 kids, self.
#HusbandSuicide It’s Daily dosage of news now. This suicide will be registered as death due 2 family issues. No provision in our #GenderBiasedLaws that the wife or her family would charged of abetment to suicide. https://t.co/12tT15AxVf

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Suspecting wife’s extramarital relations, man poisons 2 kids, self.#HusbandSuicide It’s Daily dosage of news now. This suicide will be registered as death due 2 family issues. No provision in our #GenderBiasedLaws that the wife or her family would charged of abetment to suicide. pic.twitter.com/12tT15AxVf
— SIF Chandigarh (@sifchandigarh) August 21, 2019

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Suspecting wife’s extramarital relations, man poisons 2 kids, self.
#HusbandSuicide It’s Daily dosage of news now. This suicide will be registered as death due 2 family issues. No provision in our #GenderBiasedLaws that the wife or her family would charged of abetment to suicide. https://t.co/12tT15AxVf

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.metadata.attachment_props.original_text
Suspecting wife’s extramarital relations, man poisons 2 kids, self.
#HusbandSuicide It’s Daily dosage of news now. This suicide will be registered as death due 2 family issues. No provision in our #GenderBiasedLaws that the wife or her family would charged of abetment to suicide. https://t.co/12tT15AxVf

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Suspecting wife’s extramarital relations, man poisons 2 kids, self.
#HusbandSuicide It’s Daily dosage of news now. This suicide will be registered as death due 2 family issues. No provision in our #GenderBiasedLaws that the wife or her family would charged of abetment to suicide.

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[ENG SUB] J-Hope (호석)  - MAMA Live Performance

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this song is by bts' j-hope which tells about how her mother played a big role in his journey to become a world star. his lyrics are about his gratefulness to his mother's supportiveness and to tell her that she can rest assured and lean on him just as how he did.
there's a line i relate to, "today more than usual, i want to be held in your arms", especially when we're at school. this song motivates me everyday to work hard so i can repay my parents.

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[ENG SUB] J-Hope (호석)  - MAMA Live Performance

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dad: love, please come back. our children miss you. i miss you.
mom: im not going back for anyone, anything. certainly not you.

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this is my mom: a loving mother of 3 daughters whom works as a primary school math teacher. she's very great at his job, i'm pretty sure my whole town knows how effective her classes are. me and my former classmates are living proof! she's very caring and supportive. she gives advices to me and my sisters, guide us through things we're not used to.

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there's a lot to love about my family; they're fun, always listening, supportive on what i like, always relying on each other and respectful to one another.

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I agree with the speaker. She totally speaks the realistic things that happened in parenting. I also get to understand why some parents are exhausted and anxious. I really love what she said to her son’s when he is born, which is “I will try so hard not to hurt you”. As she said, this hippocratic oath is a much more realistic aim than happiness. After all, her speech’s is totally great and wholesome.

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NUR FATIN HUMAIRAH BINTI MOHAMAD FIVEROS

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NUR FATIN HUMAIRAH BINTI MOHAMAD FIVEROS

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NUR FATIN HUMAIRAH BINTI MOHAMAD FIVEROS 

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NUR FATIN HUMAIRAH BINTI MOHAMAD FIVEROS 

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https://www.nytimes.com/2020/04/06/world/coronavirus-domestic-violence.html

based on this article, numbers of domestic abuse worldwide rising since the early pandemic. the number increasing rapidly on specific event such as Christmas and summer vacations as those times people tends to spend more time with their loved ones.

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NUR FATIN HUMAIRAH BINTI MOHAMAD FIVEROS

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NUR FATIN HUMAIRAH BINTI MOHAMAD FIVEROS

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https://youtu.be/ma4sO59mcC4

“Di mana pun kalian berada, ku kirimkan terima kasih.”

This song is about love in general, and thanking good people that come into life and making memorable moments. you can express your thankfulness and love towards anyone, family, friends, siblings, relatives or even strangers that made changes towards your life through this song.

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NUR FATIN HUMAIRAH BINTI MOHAMAD FIVEROS 

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NUR FATIN HUMAIRAH BINTI MOHAMAD FIVEROS 

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I do agree with the speaker because parenting become more and more challenging these days, but why make it hard when we have simpler ways? i know parents need parenting skills to raise their children but those book publishers dont need to be to specific about those type of “how to raise a … kid”. people have their own ways to raise their kid after all.

Second, the speaker also speak about high demanding parents that expect their children to be perfect in their eyes. Most of those children got forced to do extra curricular activities such as piano class, foreign language class, sports class and art class. Little do they know that their child didn’t enjoy the activities at all. I didn’t say that extra curricular activities are bad for the children, but parents should know their limits and listen to their child. If they’re okay and enjoying the activities, then parents can proceed, if the child didn’t enjoy or feel fun, then stop enrolling them.

Parents should understand that communication is the key of healthy relationship, therefore they can try to listen to their children if they have anything to ask or wanna have a talk. how can parents understand their child without communicating with each other? The children would have an unfair feeling when parents refuse to hear their thoughts, which can lead into many negative effects such as rebellious children behaviour and afraid to speak up upon themselves.

In my conclusion, parental crisis can be decreased by both parents and children being cooperative in order to have a harmonious relationship with each other.

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NUR FATIN HUMAIRAH BINTI MOHAMAD FIVEROS 

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NUR FATIN HUMAIRAH BINTI MOHAMAD FIVEROS 

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this is my mom, Norhadizah binti Abd. Rahim. She’s a math enthusiast, like she really love maths. She’s also a hardworking wife and mom. Not to mention that i like her cooking so much. She worked as a chemical engineer years ago. I really inspired by her occupation and studies in chemical engineering.

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Dad : I’m sorry for not picking up the kids. I had an urgent meeting.

Mom : You should have at least texted me. The kids waited for hours.

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I actually really agree with the speaker that parenting is very hard. Parents tried hard to support us and raise us. But, they didn’t need to make it too hard like making books on how to make your children eco friendly etc. It brings burden to new parents and make them overthink that parenting is really hard and thus leaving their child or abandoning their child.

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My family is what you called unique. Most people like to think our family members look terrifying for some reason but trust me we actually are hahahahaha. I’m just kidding, we can be the nicest people once you get to know us.

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I love my family because I can always rely on them during my rises and falls for comfort and support. 💗💗

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I love my family because they support me whatever I do,whenever I needed help they would be the first person comes into my mind.They’re fun to be with and i just love being with them.

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Abused by our grown-up children: mothers open up about this little-understood form of domestic violence

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This issue usually happen when the parents are sick and old and their grown up children don’t want to take care of them. We as their children should know that when we grow up and is financially stable,we should be the one to take care of our parents like when they take care of us when we were little. Even  if you can’t take care of your parents because you don’t have time to just send them to the nursing home for elderly and visited them once a week. They did so much for us and it’s time for us to payback their care and support.

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Broken arms ... I had a badly damaged jaw, strangled ...

Lizzy* picked me up at her local train station and drove me to the lounge of her favourite hotel, where for more than four hours we sat in a discreet corner while she told me her story. Andy, the person responsible for her broken arms and badly damaged jaw, was her 28-year-old son.

When we met in 2018, Andy had recently been given a suspended sentence after pleading guilty to serious assault. He had returned to live with Lizzy following his conviction and "nothing had changed". The abuse carried on. But despite this Lizzie, now in her late 60s, refused to give up on him.

I'm not giving up. And it's not just because of Andy, it's actually because I feel I've been let down. I really, really do.

Lizzy was the first interview participant in my doctoral research project, which started in September 2018. It was the first study of its kind in England and Wales which specifically investigated the abuse of parents - particularly mothers - by adult children. This is known as filial abuse.

I was interested in how mothers articulated the experiences of such abuse in its various forms and manifestations. I wanted to understand their journeys, how they sought help, and what barriers they faced in doing so.

This story is part of Conversation Insights
The Insights team generates long-form journalism and is working with academics from different backgrounds who have been engaged in projects to tackle societal and scientific challenges.

Since my research started, there have been some high-profile cases in the media, drawing attention to the problem in its most extreme form: adult children (often sons) killing their parents (often mothers). This was the case in Plymouth in August 2021 when gunman Jake Davison shot and killed his mother and four other people before going on to take his own life. Had Davison not gone on to kill more people, his mother's death would probably not have attracted the attention it did.

Away from these terrible headlines, the problem itself remains hidden and little-understood, with scant data to help us figure out just how bad it is.

Crisis intervention

I began my career in London as an Independent Domestic Violence Advisor in 2009. I supported victims of domestic abuse who were deemed to be at "high risk" of harm. Mary was one of the few people I talked to who had experienced abuse from their adult children - and was one of my longest running "cases" (I always disliked that word). I kept her file open for as long as I was able to, at times against advice from managers. The service I worked for focused on crisis intervention and risk reduction, aiming not to keep cases any longer than six months, unless there were ongoing criminal proceedings.

One of my most vivid memories of Mary was when she turned up at my office unannounced one day. Her son, who was in his early 20s, had taken all her money and left her with no food. Mary was struggling with a chronic illness. My colleagues and I raided our office fridge and gave her some fruit and yogurt. I helped her apply for a crisis loan and accompanied her to the appointment.

I wanted to keep Mary's file open as long as possible because I felt that crisis intervention and risk reduction did not work in the same way for Mary and other mothers like her. The relationship she had with her son and her sense of maternal responsibility made it much harder for Mary to take action against him. She needed time, but time was what a service like that did not have.

I became increasingly uneasy about the lack of research into the abuse of parents by their adult children. Most of what we know about domestic abuse in England and Wales in terms of its prevalence is based on what we have learned about intimate partner violence and abuse. In fact, when the term " domestic violence " first emerged in the US and UK, it actually described violence and abuse in intimate relationships. Under the influence of second-wave feminist activists, who helped make domestic violence a social issue, it ceased to be a private problem, kept behind closed doors. Before this, intimate partner violence had remained, as its name suggested, private and "domestic" - a problem to be solved in the home.

The domestic abuse and refuge movement was instrumental in spearheading change. Over time, different multi-agency structures and risk assessment tools have been developed in England and Wales to respond more effectively to domestic abuse. Yet, they all had their origins in an understanding of domestic abuse as something that is committed against a woman by their male partner.

Read more: 'You couldn't leave your husband. It wasn't done' - the story of the women behind the first domestic violence refuges

And while, recently, there has been more attention on the problem of abuse against parents carried out by children - especially during lockdown - this focus has been on adolescents and younger children. As a result, the experiences of parents of adult children have remained largely unexplored. That's why I decided to research the problem myself.

'Everyday misery'

I spoke to 11 mothers living in different parts of England. All of them had self-identified as having experienced, or were still experiencing, some form of abusive behaviour from their now adult children.

As I listened to the mothers who took part in the research, the stories they told carried familiar echoes of Mary's experience. The ongoing caring burden was inseparable from their children's abusive behaviour, which often started in late childhood or early adolescence.

For instance, Mercy, who was in her 50s, said that her teenage son Tom had "always been difficult" and that "from the womb he ... has been problematic". She described her life with him as "a catalogue of everyday misery", filled with what she considered to be low-level acts of aggression. Indeed, Mercy explained that Tom "operates at a level where it's very much under a line that you call the police". She told me:

He'll be expecting me to drive him to work whilst calling me a stupid fucking cunt and shouting and threatening, and he has hit me whilst I've been driving before on the motorway.

Mercy described how Tom would repeatedly attack her by throwing food at her or throwing orange juice in her face. Yet, the culmination of the acts of aggression she described were far from low-level.

As we sat discussing this, Mercy bleakly anticipated her future with some dark humour, saying, "Well, got elder abuse to look forward to, you know! I mean, I'm confidently expecting that one."

Mercy's stark statement highlighted a crucial fact: although my research project set out to focus on "adult children", for most mothers the lines separating the child, the adolescent and the adult were blurred - as were the lines separating their care-giving and their suffering.

Indeed, quite often mothers' stories embodied this overwhelming sense of weary endlessness. Clara, 53, is one such example. Our talk was marked by halting speech, long stretches of silence and conversational dead ends. Clara herself often remarked that she could not remember specific details and that "it all melts into one". Her daughter, Frida, who was in her 20s, was regularly verbally abusive and physically aggressive. At times, this played out as "terrible meltdowns" and wanton destruction of the home. Clara said she would be "breaking stuff, slamming doors, pulling doors off hinges ... just smashing mirrors, anything, anything at all ... I've sort of given up because she smashes and breaks everything".

And yet, while they were on the receiving end of these appalling acts of aggression, Clara and other mothers continued to be called on to care for their children due to their financial dependency, mental health difficulties or substance use issues. I was reminded of Mary's experience of providing ongoing financial support to her son, who abused her support by stealing from her and even starving her.

'Stuck in that impossible place'

These accounts of "everyday misery", exacerbated by their maternal caring burden, were suffused with a strong sense of impasse.

Kate, 48, fled from her violent partner into a refuge with her children. Her daughter, Ivy, had "always been ... quite unpleasant and aggressive to her sister ... in a kid's way", but became "unmanageable and overtly aggressive" just before she became a teenager.

So began a "nightmare" that would last for over a decade. When we met for the interview, Ivy had recently left home following an incident where she had attacked Kate in the presence of terrified elderly relatives, and the police had been called. Living with Ivy's abusive behaviour since her early adolescence meant that Kate had experienced abuse "all her adult life". Yet, for Kate, there was a clear difference between the type of abuse she suffered from her daughter and at the hands of her ex-partner:

I drew a line under it with him. I walked away and I, you know, moved on. But she's my child, so what do I do?

Kate powerfully articulated this untenable impasse and the neverending, inconclusive nature of her experience when she said: "She's my child". Like Lizzy, Kate had been let down by a system which offered no viable support and left her to carry the burden alone.

'I've got to think that he's dead'

Separation from their children was a last resort, a point of no return when all else had failed. Kate felt she had no other choice but to ask Ivy to leave because of the risk she posed to her elderly and vulnerable relatives. When we met for the interview, Ivy was only in contact with Kate's other child, and Kate tried not to be drawn back into having contact with Ivy, although she was unsure how long she could keep up her resolve. Since our interview, I have often wondered how Kate's situation might have changed.

When a point of no return is reached, some mothers are left with an intense experience of bereavement and loss. This was the case with a woman I met who I'm calling Joan. Following an incident during which she was seriously assaulted by her 39-year-old son, Michael, Joan made a statement to the police and obtained a non-molestation order against him.

When we met for the interview, Joan had been estranged from Michael for two years. Joan, now in her late 60s, told me when she last saw him by chance in the street a year later, she was "literally shaking" and "absolutely terrified". She was barely able to contain her emotions as she described her coping process:

I can't go into his bedroom. I can't ... it's, it's just too much for me. At the moment I've got to [voice breaking], I've got to think that he's ... dead rather than he's alive. I know that he's alive, but there's nothing I can do about it [crying] ... I said to my [youngest] just before Christmas ... I have to think, um, Michael's not with me anymore ... like Michael's dead ... so that I won't start worrying about him ... It's an awful thing to say ... but it's the only way I can do it, you know, to, to survive.

Joan expressed how the ambiguity of her loss had complicated her mourning. She avoided going into Michael's room, like a mother keeping the room of her deceased child intact - except that Michael was, of course, still alive.

I remember feeling an intense sadness listening to Joan. Objectively, she was one of the few "success" stories: she had called the police, had gone to court, had obtained an order preventing her son from contacting her or coming back to the home. She was now safe and had not heard from him. She was doing nice things for herself, at last.

But her success had come at a tremendous cost. She had to consider her son dead. She had to resign herself to the fact that she could not see him again, at least not for the foreseeable future, and that by thinking of him as dead rather than alive she could stop worrying about him as his mother. It was the only way for her to survive.

I know it sounds awful to say that he's dead but he can't come near me because I ... I'm too scared of him ... absolutely terrified of him. I think if it was another person, I wouldn't be as frightened.

Joan was my eighth interview participant. If Lizzy had helped trigger a key lightbulb moment of my research with her image of the mother-fighter who would never give up, Joan triggered another one. Like a puzzle coming together, the final picture that emerged was one of permanent loss, of a no-win situation: either the mother gets on with her "everyday misery" or she cuts the cord - that unique, physical, visceral bond between mother and child.

Root causes

All these stories stressed the importance of long-term support. This was perhaps best expressed by Alexandra, 52, whose teenage daughters Nina and Layla were both violent and abusive. She spoke with real affection of her domestic abuse support worker, who had recently left her post. This worker had a similar role to mine when I first met Mary.

A decade on from my time as a Domestic Violence Advisor, I found key similarities in the limitations of our service model. Alexandra's worker kept her file open for as long as possible, supporting her with a myriad of issues beyond domestic abuse. This was, however, highly unusual, and even more so in the current climate of resource constraints. Alexandra understood that her new worker could only help her with "serious things". Yet, it was in her everyday misery that Alexandra experienced crisis. The lines separating crisis intervention and long-term support for mothers experiencing filial abuse cannot be neatly defined.

Long-term support means something else, too. Something even more wide-ranging and fundamental. Kate described her abusive partner's actions and their effect on her life and the lives of her children:

I never prosecuted him, I've never asked for anything, I never wanted anything; what I wanted was a fresh start for us to be safe. But I paid for therapy for my daughter, I paid for five years, we've done all this stuff, he's done nothing, he just walked away, just threw a grenade into the life of all these people and walked away.

To make matters worse, Kate often felt dismissed as a "silly middle-aged woman" by health professionals from whom she sought help repeatedly in relation to Ivy. Once, when she tried calling children's social care for advice, but was told by the person on the phone: "You're a mother, do your job".

Kate spoke passionately about the need for "society to deal with the root cause". Indeed, the collective story of all these mothers is filled with echoes of male violence against women and other manifestations of male privilege, gendered inequalities and institutionalised sexism and misogyny.

In other words, although Kate's story revolves around her daughter's abusive behaviour towards her, this abuse did not take place in a vacuum, but within a wider context of male violence against women and children. The mothers' burden is exacerbated by gendered expectations around caring and parenting and by a systemic response which treats them as a default safety net for their children.

Until this wider context is fully acknowledged, the response to the abuse will remain disconnected from the root cause and the abuse itself will continue to be hidden and poorly understood.

* All names have been changed to protect the anonymity of the participants.
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Abused by our grown-up children: mothers open up about this little-understood form of domestic violence

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Broken arms ... I had a badly damaged jaw, strangled ... Lizzy* picked me up at her local train station and drove me to the lounge of her favourite hotel, where for more than four hours we sat in a discreet corner while she told me her story.

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Yes, I agree with the speaker. Parenting is hard even I can see that. But they don’t need to complicate things. Parents don’t have to buy so many books for parenting,just treat your children how you want to be treated when you were a kid. Give them freedom,allow them to do things that they like. They don’t have to accomplish things by doing what you ask them to do,they can accomplish things by doing what they like. But parents don’t really trust their children with it. So I think parents need to put more trust on their children so they know that they can be trusted by their parents and can make them proud even if you’re not someone that your parents want you to be.

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Taylor Swift - The Best Day (Taylor's Version) (Official Music Video)

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“Don't know how long it's gonna take to feel okay
But I know I had the best day with you today”

Even when I am at my lowest I know that my family has my back and I can confide in them. They are my source of happiness . 🫶🏻🫶🏻

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Taylor Swift - The Best Day (Taylor's Version) (Official Music Video)

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This case is highly disturbing but someone need to say something about it. Firstly, child marriage is normalised these days and it is very worrying that even some Malaysian are allowing it. The fact that the victim was only 12 when she married her husband is so sickening. The criminal or the husband is clearly an adult that should have known better than grooming a child and even killing her. Furthermore, the victim’s family does not take any action when he married her. They don’t even try to communicate with each other about the marriage because I assume she was forced to marry her husband. Plus, why would a 12 years old kid wants to take responsibility in marriage? I hope she is in the better place now and the criminal will get what he deserves.

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Grinning Iranian husband carries the severed head of his 17-year-old wife through the streets after decapitating her in 'honour killing': Girl murdered after her father and brother dragged her back from Turkey where she'd fled

WARNING: GRAPHIC CONTENT

Iranian man beheaded his 17-year-old wife Mona Heydari in the city of Ahvaz

He carried her severed head around streets on Saturday, local media reported

Young wife was understood to have fled to Turkey before being brought back

Gruesome video footage showed the husband holding her head and a knife

An Iranian man this week carried the severed head of his wife through the streets after decapitating her in an 'honour killing' after she tried to flee the country.

The unnamed man beheaded his wife Mona Heydari, 17, in the southwestern city of Ahvaz on Saturday before carrying her severed head around the streets.

The young wife is understood to have fled to Turkey after her family discovered that she had an affair.

But she was tracked to the country and brought back to Iran by her father and her husband this week, according to local media reports.

The victim was just 12 when she was married to the man - who is also her cousin - and had a three-year-old son by the time she was killed.

Authorities have arrested the husband and his brother on charges of killing Mona in revenge for adultery and leaving him. Police did not release the men's names.

Gruesome footage showed the husband grinning as he held a knife in one hand and carrying what was said to be his wife's decapitated head in the another.

The incident has shocked many people in Iran where the legal age for marriage are 13 and women are compelled to wear a head covering in accordance with Islam.

Iranian newspapers and social media saw an outpouring of shock and rage over the killing, with many demanding social and legal reforms.

'A human being was decapitated, her head was displayed on the streets and the killer was proud,' said the reformist daily Sazandegi.

'How can we accept such a tragedy? We must act so that femicide does not happen again.'

Lawyer Ali Mojtahedzadeh, in the reformist paper Shargh, blamed 'legal loopholes' for 'paving the way for honour killings'.

Fellow member of parliament Elham Nadaf told the ILNA news agency: 'Unfortunately, we are witnessing such incidents because there are no concrete measures to ensure the implementation of laws to prevent violence against women.'

Semi-official news agency ILNA quoted police officer Col. Sohrab Hosseinnejad as saying the two 'defendants confessed to the murder during the police investigation and were introduced to the judicial authority'.

Local media said police did not elaborate further on the killing or who filmed the gruesome video of the husband carrying his wife's head.

Iran's media watchdog shut down news website Rokna for publishing the video footage, the state-run IRAN newspaper reported on Monday.

According to the report, a media supervisory board on Sunday closed the website because of its continuing to 'publish images and issues that violate public decency'.

Iran has a long history of closures of media outlets, with authorities shutting down Jahan-e Sanat newspaper in 2020 after it quoted a former member of the national Covid taskforce as saying the country's death toll from the pandemic could be 20 times higher than official figures.

Mona's killing was believed to have been an 'honour killing', according to local media, which refers to the killing of a relative who is perceived to have brought dishonour on the family.

Sharia law says that only 'blood owners' - immediate family members - are allowed to demand execution for the murder of a relative.

It means most honour killings go unpunished since families tend not to demand the death sentence for another family member.

In April 2021, a 50-year-old man shot to death his nine-year-old son and seven of his in-laws in the city of Ahvaz.

In June 2020, Reyhaneh Ameri, from Kerman in south central Iran, was bludgeoned to death after being attacked with an iron bar by her father.

Local media reported that the 22-year-old survived for nearly 24 hours after the attack but bled to death from her injuries.

During the same week, 19-year-old Fatemeh Barahi was beheaded by her husband after running away just two days into their forced marriage.

The 23-year-old man, who was also his wife's cousin, handed himself into the Valiasr police station in Abadan, southwestern Iran, while holding a bloody knife.

He told officers that he had beheaded his wife due to her 'infidelity' and had left her decapitated body by the Bahar 56 area next to the Bahmanshir River, reported Iran International TV at the time.

At the end of May 2020, a 13-year-old Iranian girl was beheaded in an honour killing by her father while she was sleeping, local media claimed.

Iranian laws mean girls can marry after the age of 13, though the average age of marriage for Iranian women is 23.

While the exact number of honour killings in Iran is not known, a Tehran police official has previously said they account for around 20 per cent of Iran's murders.

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Iranian husband carries severed head of his wife in 'honour killing'

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WARNING: GRAPHIC CONTENT Iranian man beheaded his 17-year-old wife Mona Heydari in the city of Ahvaz He carried her severed head around streets on Saturday, local media reported Young wife was understood to have fled to Turkey before being brought back Gruesome video footage showed the husband holding her head and a knife An Iranian man this week carried the severed head of his wife through the streets after decapitating her in an 'honour killing' after she tried to flee the country.

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4:11 - 4:28 “Banyak yang tak ku ahli, begitu pula menyambutmu tak kembali” There are a lot of things that I’m not good at doing it including seeing my mom leaving me forever. Don’t get me wrong, my mom is still alive and healthy. This line is just relatable and it also able to make me a 15 years old teenager cry like a baby hahahaha

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Nadin Amizah - Rumpang (Official Music Video)

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dad:  Darling please think about this again. How dare you leave us just like that? Don't think about me, but please think about the kids and if I did something wrong, please tell me. I'll try to fix it. I'll do everything for us to be happy again, darling.

mom:  I'm sorry, but I've made up my mind. I'm letting you guys go now, please be happy without me.

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In all honesty, I agree with the speaker. She is trying to put some sense in people’s heads who expect their children to be so good in specific things while most of them don’t even participate on any of those things that they forced their children to do. I also agree with her statement about how anxious parents can be in parenting their kids to the point where they started to call it a crisis. We should realise that in order to have a a family we need to understand each other. In my opinion, most families that are having family issues lack communication among themselves. This problem is neither a new nor a shocking info to any of us. In conclusion, if parents are able to convince their children to cooperate with them by solving their problems together, I don’t think parenting crisis should be an issue anymore.

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“i have found it, where my heart feels at ease, my home my own” 1.55-2.01

A quote by Jane Austen, “There is nothing like staying at home for real comfort”. I guess we all have to agree that home is the best place. All the good moments with my family makes the house 10 times more comfortable.

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This is my mom! Faridah binti Ramli. My mother is a woman like no other. She's the one who gave birth to me, showering me with her love and watching me grow until now. She's always by my side to give me support, confidence, and help. She's always been someone who I looked up to. She's my role model. My mother is such a strong, caring, kind, and beautiful woman. I really admire her so much. She's such a hard-working person. The way she always gives all of her best to me, my family, her family and other things around her. I can see why she has many friends. I love to listen to all of her stories, and she's good at cooking too! I really love all the foods that are made by her. Her patience level is one of the things that I really adore about her. She rarely gets mad at a very simple thing and manages to smile and giggle to make everyone around her feel happy. She's really the one that I can call Sunshine. She's also talented in the arts! She even received a diploma for majoring in the arts during her college years. The way she's so talented in everything she does She is such an amazing woman, as she always is. She's always hoping and praying for the best for us. So do I. I really hope that her days will be filled with happiness and blessings. There are not enough words that I can say to describe how important my mother is to me and what a powerful influence she continues to be. I wish she knew how much I love her and how scared I am of losing her.

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Staying Together for the Kids Could Hurt Your Child's Mental Health

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As the article stated no matter how healthy a couple is,there would always be a fight and sometimes the fight could be big. Does this affect the children? Yes it does physically and mentally. Based on this article, I reflected that as a parent we should talk out the argument instead of yelling at each other or hitting physically. Children who faced this frequently could be affected by it such as having eating disorder (ed) or ptsd bcs of the fight that’s happening in the house.  Depression could occur to making them thinking that their parents would not fought if they weren’t alive and eventually tried to self harm or kill themselves. For me if the parent really care for their children, they should talk themselves out and settles things on good terms and assuring the children that it was nothing instead letting your anger from your partner to your child or not coming home for 3 days. This too could actually cause a distance in relationship between the child and their parent. Parents should take more note on this kind of problems and try to improve themselves.

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No matter how healthy a couple's relationship is, there's bound to be a few squabbles here and there. And a few occasional disagreements usually aren't a big deal. Mature conversations, keeping it generally out of the kids' view, and refusing to name-call all show a child how to deal with disagreements in a healthy manner. But more serious conflict definitely takes a toll on kids.

Physical altercations, insults, and tactics such as "the silent treatment," are just a few of the toxic interactions parents can have that are likely to create some emotional damage to a child in the long run.

Why Parents Fighting Is a Problem

There's research to suggest that a child as young as 6 months old can be negatively affected by parents who fight. But it's not just young kids who are affected by parents fighting. Other studies show that young adults up to age 19 can be sensitive to conflicts in their parents' marriage.

It goes to show that children of all ages, from near infancy through early adulthood, are impacted by how their parents choose to handle their differences. Researchers believe high-conflict marriages take a toll on a child's mental health. Here are some of the ways kids are impacted.

It can cause insecurity. Fighting undermines kids' sense of security about the stability of the family. Children exposed to a lot of fighting may worry about divorce or wonder when one parent's silent treatment is going to end. It can make it difficult for them to have a sense of normalcy in the family since fights may be unpredictable.

It can affect the parent-child relationship. High-conflict situations are stressful for parents too. And a stressed-out parent might not spend a lot of time with kids. In addition, the quality of the relationship may be affected as it may be difficult for parents to show warmth and affection when they're angry and upset with the other parent.

It can create a stressful environment. Overhearing frequent or intense fighting is stressful for kids. Stress can take a toll on their physical and psychological well-being and interfere with normal, healthy development.

Long-Term Mental Health Effects

In 2012, a study was published in the journal Child Development that looked at the effect of parental conflict on children from kindergarten through seventh grade.﻿﻿ Participants were part of 235 middle-class families in the midwest and northeast United States with an average income between $40,000 and $60,000.

When their children were in kindergarten, the parents were asked about how much conflict they experienced in their marriage. They were also asked to talk about a difficult topic, such as finances, and researchers looked at how critical the partners were of one another.

Seven years later, researchers followed up with the families. Both the kids and the parents were asked about fighting in the parents' marriage and the emotional and behavioral health of the kids.

Those aren't the only issues kids are likely to face when their parents fight often. Here are some things researchers have found when examining the effects parental fighting can have on kids.

Decreased Cognitive Performance

A 2013 study published in Child Development found that the stress associated with living in a high-conflict home may impair a child's cognitive performance.﻿﻿ Researchers found that when parents fought often, kids had more difficulty regulating their attention and emotions.

Their ability to rapidly solve problems and quickly see patterns in new information was also compromised. Meanwhile, other studies have found that living in a high conflict family increases the odds of dropping out of high school and getting poor grades.

Relationship Issues

Being exposed to parents fighting increases the chances that kids will treat others with hostility. It's common for kids to begin solving sibling squabbles with the same tactics they've witnessed you using.

Children may also struggle to maintain healthy relationships when they're older if they've grown accustomed to family discord or they may struggle to identify who they can really trust in life.

Behavior Problems

Parental conflict has been linked to increased aggression, delinquency, and conduct problems in children. Additionally, children are more likely to have social problems and increased difficulty in adjusting to school.

Eating Disorders and Physical Issues

Several studies have linked eating disorders, such as anorexia and bulimia, to high parental discord. A child might also have physical effects from the fighting, such as sleep problems, stomachaches, or headaches.

Substance Use

Researchers have found that living in a home with high levels of conflict increases the odds of smoking, binge drinking, and marijuana use, relative to a low conflict married-parent family.

Negative Outlook on Life

Children who are raised in high-conflict homes are more likely to have negative views of their family relationships. They are also more likely to view themselves in a negative way. A 2012 study published in the Journal of Youth and Adolescence found that children exposed to parental fighting are also more likely to have low self-esteem.

When Fighting Becomes Problematic

No matter the age of your children or whether you're seeing effects of marital strife, take a close look at how you argue. Just because your fights don't get physical doesn't mean they aren't harmful to your kids. There are a number of tactics parents use that are destructive to children.

Destructive Disagreement Tactics

So, while you might think walking away from an argument and giving your partner the silent treatment for three days isn't a big deal-it's a big deal to your kids. Your kids see how you handle disagreements and they learn problem-solving skills, emotion regulation skills, and conflict resolution skills from you.

It's also important to think about the message that you're sending to your kids about loving relationships. If you and your partner treat each other with disrespect, your kids will grow up thinking that it's OK to do the same-and perhaps they'll believe it's OK to let others treat them poorly, too.

Diminishing the Effects

Sometimes, a disagreement gets out of hand. One person says something they don't mean, another parent doesn't realize that their children are listening on the other side of the wall.

A spat or two doesn't mean you've irreparably harmed your child. However, you might want to take a few steps to lessen the effects of what they saw and heard. If your disagreement grows disrespectful, you might take these steps to address the situation with your kids:

Discuss the fight: Although you don't have to get into specifics about what you and your partner were disagreeing about, hold a family meeting to say something like, "Daddy and I had an argument the other night that got out of hand. We didn't have the same opinion on something that was important to both of us, but it was wrong for us to fight like that."

Reassure the kids:Remind them that this was just an argument and not indicative of bigger problems. Reassure them that you still love each other and that you're not going to get divorced (assuming, of course, that it's a true statement).

Bring closure:Make sure your children understand that you're still a strong family. Explain that arguments happen sometimes and people can lose their tempers. However, you all love each other, despite your disagreements.

A therapist can determine whether one of you could benefit from individual therapy to learn skills, like anger management or emotion regulation, or whether you should attend couples counseling to work on your relationship together.

Are Kids Better Off in Two-Parent Families?

Kids usually do best in two-parent families. But, it's important for parents to get along. If there's a lot of fighting, kids may fare better if their parents separated. Many parents wonder whether they are better off staying together for the sake of the kids or just getting divorced. It's clear that divorce can take a psychological toll on kids.

In addition, kids who grow up with single parents often experience other problems-like economic issues-and they may not do as well as kids who grow up in two-parent families. And clearly, remarriage and living in a blended family can be complicated for kids, too.

But, living in a high-conflict home is likely to be equally as stressful-or perhaps even more stressful for kids-than if their parents got divorced. When parents get along during and after a divorce, kids usually don't experience long-lasting emotional scars.﻿﻿

So if you find yourself in a high-conflict relationship, staying together for the kids might not do your children any favors. It's important to seek help to reduce the conflict or make changes to the relationship so that your kids can grow up happier and healthier.

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How Staying Together for the Kids Could Hurt Your Child's Mental Health

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The way parents work out their differences can impact kids for life. Here's how parents fighting affects a child and their mental health.

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SITI NURSAHIDATUL BALQISH BINTI MOHD SAHRUL

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SITI NURSAHIDATUL BALQISH BINTI MOHD SAHRUL

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SITI NURSAHIDATUL BALQISH BINTI MOHD SAHRUL

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SITI NURSAHIDATUL BALQISH BINTI MOHD SAHRUL

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"There's no place that I'd rather be

Than travelin' with my family"

This might be my most favourite part in the song. It's true that even though travelling with friends is fun but travelling with family is much more fun. Based on true eperience

// yes I know it's a mlp song

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Apples to the Core (w/ reprise) - MLP FiM - Apple Family + Pinkie Pie (song+mp3)[HD]

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Maisarah binti Shahri, a lovely kindhearted soul if I were to describe her. She is more than a mother to me. She is my best friend, my gossip partner, my biggest fan, my therapist and my personal chef. She is everything to me. I feel like I don’t need anyone else’s presence as long as she is by my side. I don’t care about where she came from, what kind of family she’s from or what she did in the past. I’m a type of person who’s not really attached to anything or anyone because I feel like I can replace it with something else but not with her. Nobody in this world can replace my mom. She always thought she is watching me growing up over the years. However, not with me. I watched her getting old every day. I realised it a long time ago that one day one of us is going to leave and the thought of it makes me scared. I will cherish her presence while I still can.

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1. Estrange

2. Nurture

3. Matriarchal

4. Patriarchal

5. Aristocratic

6. Reserved

7. Devoted

8. Doting

9. Sentimental

10. Intertwined

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SITI NURSAHIDATUL BALQISH BINTI MOHD SAHRUL

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SITI NURSAHIDATUL BALQISH BINTI MOHD SAHRUL

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I do agree with the speaker. Parenting is hard. Even though it might look easy in the first glance, but when you experience yourself, you can see the harsh truth. Not every problem can be solve with research. Most of them are from experience. It's true that there are a lot of books about how to raise this type of child or that type of child but in all honesty, they are pretty useless.

People nowadays tend to overcomplicate things. Even the simplest thing like buying a carton of milk can turn into an issue. The point is, raise your child like how you always wanted to be raised as a kid. Be the better version of your own parents and do not repeat the same mistake. This way, I am sure the kid will have a better childhood.

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I love my family. They always got my back and help me in any way possibles. No matter how far i’ll go they will always be there for me.They’re my home.

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TWICE - 'THANK YOU, FAMILY' Lyrics [Color Coded_Kan_Rom_Eng]

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I think from the title itself you can already guess what is this song about. Yes, it’s about thanking my family for all the things they did for me,for protecting me, for giving me energy everyday, they’re my miracle and without them I would most probably be lost by now and losing my mind hahahaha😂😂. I dont have any specific favourite part from this song because they all are my favourites . It makes me believe my family would still support me even when I’m at my lowest and still love and care for who I am.

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TWICE - 'THANK YOU, FAMILY' Lyrics [Color Coded_Kan_Rom_Eng]

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Dad: Melissa, don’t you feel sorry for them? They’re still kids. They should enjoy their youth outside instead of studying all day at home.

Mom: It’s not like I’m doing all of this for myself. It’s for their own good. They can do whatever they want as long as they’re on top of everyone at school.

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Okay so this is my mom! Her name is Norfaiza and people usually call her ija. I never really know where my mom studies at actually before this until I entered highschool she told me that she went study in the United States. Isn’t that so cool like for me it’s really cool considering that’s one of my dreams to study abroad. She actually met my dad there and married him there to and gave birth to my sister there. I think she’s really cool and she has so many smart friends. When I was growing up, I usually follow her to her workplace because we didn’t have a nanny and I was amaze of how dedicated she is to being a teacher and guess what? She worked so hard and right now she’s a principle! that’s really awesome and recently it’s her birthday and I know it’s late but Happy belated birthday mother! I love you so much

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I am not a parent myself but even I can see how confusing parenting is. Every child in the world is different which is why not even thousands of books can help you understand how your child works. In my opinion, every parenting style is unique and it doesn’t hurt to stay that way. Though of course I must emphasise that the way the parenting is conducted must be right. There are lines which cannot be crossed. Follow this and you will never regret being a parent.

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Dad : Honey, I’m really sorry for not forgetting about Ahmad
Mom : You should have been more aware about when is Ahmad coming home from school and not being so indulged with your video games.

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As you guys can see, this is my family photo. Usually when all of us are at house including my brother in law and niece, we would go on a holiday for example like Penang and visit cool places. My family are really cool and I love them so much because they never leave my side and always helps me with everything i needed

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Children who have lost a parent to family violence need to be listened to

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From this article, I have learned that conflict can lead to hatred and in some cases, even the death of a human. Unfortunately, some children will have to experience the feeling of losing not just any person but their own parent forever. That is not everything that occupies their mind either as they must think about how they want to live their lives after. Whether they wish to have contact with the perpetrator or not, we must listen to them and respect their decisions. We should also never let conflict ruin our lives or even worse, ruin the lives of others.

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Around the world, at least one in seven homicides are committed by a current or former intimate partner. In the United States, estimates suggest that, each year, a child may be more likely to lose a parent (the mother, in most cases) to intimate partner homicide than to be diagnosed with leukaemia.

Many of these children witness the killing or its direct aftermath, often involving graphic scenes. Some try to intervene in whatever way they can. A young boy I worked with yelled as loudly as he could to alert the neighbours, without success.

Children of those involved in intimate partner homicide experience an extreme lack of control in the situation. That's why - to restore control as much as possible - it's important to take their opinion seriously in later decisions about their future. This isn't only crucial for mental health - it's a child's right, as acknowledged by the Convention on the Rights of the Child, to participate in decisions about their life.

Our most recent study, conducted in the Netherlands, sought to describe the background, circumstances, mental health and well-being of children bereaved by intimate partner homicide. We did so by cross-examining eight different data sources and conducting in-depth interviews with young people and their caregivers.

Life-changing decisions

For many children, the homicide happens at an age when the concept of death is hard to grasp: two-thirds of the children bereaved between 2003 and 2012 were younger than ten years old at the time. Yet, on top of the direct grief and distress, these children are suddenly thrown into the confusing situation of being the child of a murderer and a victim.

And there are many decisions to be made about their future. The most pressing question is often where he or she should live. If with the family of the victim, there's concern about whether these caregivers are emotionally available enough while grieving themselves.

On the other hand, the family of the perpetrator may be going through their own emotional turmoil, plus the family of the victim may resent a child living there. And in the case of a neutral foster care family, there are questions about whether it wouldn't be easier for the child to live with people they know.

We know little about what young people think of these issues themselves. Only a handful of empirical studies in the past decade have explored the issue - almost none outside the US or the UK. Our Dutch study included interviews with 23 children and young people whose parent had been killed by an intimate partner.

Giving children a voice

Our young participants were eager to talk; we often didn't have sufficient time to discuss all their views in depth. Our key finding was that, while there were some trends, there was no single common perspective.

For example, some children were glad they had been placed with people they knew and trusted. But one girl felt that her unrelated foster family had probably given her more opportunities than she would have had with family members.

Most children appreciated being asked for their own opinion about their living arrangements by child protection professionals. As one said:

I think they [child protection] asked me every year what I wanted. And every year, I could give my opinion... I like that they do that. You hear so many strange stories these days, I think I have been lucky, stayed with family and had a good home. I think it's good that you can give your opinion about that as a 12-year-old. That you already know, say, what is normal and what is not normal.

And many children knew what they wanted or did not want:

If my dad expects me to go live with him after he's released from prison, I'm definitely not going to do it.

Children also had varying opinions on whether they wanted to have contact with the perpetrator-parent in prison. For example, some children wanted to get answers to questions about their deceased parent, while others did not want to have any interaction. One child wondered whether she had contact just for the sake of the parent, not for herself.

The fact that children want to participate in these decisions about their life and don't always share the same viewpoints (even between siblings) is important information for decision-makers. It means standardised solutions or pathways aren't the most effective method of supporting these children.

Supporting children

Many children experience strong grief symptoms and post-traumatic stress after parental intimate partner homicide. Considering their level of exposure and already heightened vulnerability - the case files in our larger study suggested more than 80% of children had experienced previous domestic violence - this is not surprising.

When asked, young people had various tips for others bereaved by homicide. Several talked about feeling supported by therapy and by their caregivers. For example, one girl said, when asked about her recommendations for others:

Therapy actually. Yes. Telling your caregivers what you're struggling with... There was a time that I thought about suicide, and I found it very hard to say it so I've written it down for my caregivers. I came out of that [period] together with them, and with the help of my therapist. They also knew about it, that has really helped me.

Finding out that they were not alone was helpful for a number of the children. But again, not everyone shared the same view. For example, some children wanted to meet peers who had been experienced something similar, while others said they were not interested.

Taking the time to ask what children and young people need gives them an opportunity to influence their own lives. And, as an Australian young person outside the study commented, to keep checking in over time is important too. She said she initially didn't want to connect with peers but recently changed her mind.

Several scholars have talked about the risk of no, or only tokenistic, participation of children in child protection decisions, leading to children not receiving adequate support, protection and mental health care. Our findings suggest young people are both able and willing to talk about these fundamental aspects of their lives.

Acknowledgements

This article was originally published on The Conversation. Read the original article.

Featured image: © GettyImages/Xavier_S

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Children who have lost a parent to family violence need to be listened to

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Around the world, at least one in seven homicides are committed by a current or former intimate partner. In the United States, estimates suggest that, each year, a child may be more likely to lose a parent (the mother, in most cases) to intimate partner homicide than to be diagnosed with leukaemia.

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SITI NURSAHIDATUL BALQISH BINTI MOHD SAHRUL

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SITI NURSAHIDATUL BALQISH BINTI MOHD SAHRUL

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Parents exploiting their children for fame and money is not a new type of thing. This type of cases has been happening a lot recently. With this new era, by just uploading a video of your child being cute can already gain a lot of views thanks to the youtube algorithm. But from fame, came consequences. The parents may not realized this but by just showing your kid's face, on youtube without their consent in very dangerous. Sure, there are some who asks them first but how about the ones who doesn't? In this news, it talks about a certain channel named ; Fantastic Adventures. The mother, which is the person who runs the channel, allegedly abuse her children if they forgot their line. The abuse consist of pepper spraying their kid and put hem in a box. In the video, it may seem they are happy but in reality they are not. There are also another family who endangered their own children. As you can see, this thing has to stop. They are taking away their kids freedom in my opinion. In conclusion, if you want to make a channel about your children, please asks for their consent. It may seem it's necessary but it is. It's for their own safety. That will be all from me. Thank you for joining my tedtalk.

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When my twins were babies, I caught a short episode of them on video in which one leaned over and snatched the pacifier from the other one's mouth and, for a second, I dreamed of putting it on YouTube and scoring one of those baby-does-hilarious-thing hits, in which the ad revenue rolls in while you sleep and you are rewarded simply for being alive.
YouTube child stars allegedly abused and forced to perform by adoptive mother
I didn't upload the video in the end, for the same reason I didn't do anything much in that period beyond running round my apartment in concentric circles, picking things up and then putting them down again. But the memory of that temptation - the gold-rush sense that there was easy money to be made if one could only capture a moment of "spontaneous" fun involving one's children - remained, and like most gold rushes, its pull is a vortex.

This week in the US a mother was arrested for allegedly abusing her seven children in the process of making "hilarious" madcap videos of them for her popular YouTube channel, Fantastic Adventures. It is the most extreme case to date of a spectrum that includes adults feeding their toddlers age-inappropriate lines and generally manipulating them for online ad revenue.

In 2017, a family was investigated over the making of YouTube videos on its channel DaddyOFive (175m views), in which the parents "pranked" their kids by screaming in their faces and making them cry hysterically. And another family was charged with child endangerment for putting their eight-year-old and his nanny in the bed of a pickup truck and haring around a small town in southern California (1 million people watched the video).

This week, when welfare officers in Arizona visited the house of the woman who runs Fantastic Adventures, a channel that has racked up more than 250m views, they found a household of traumatised children who alleged they had been pepper-sprayed and locked in cupboards for forgetting their lines. Online, meanwhile, they were shown doing endlessly jolly things and performing like ponies.

The mystery is why so many people watch this stuff. Even the benign child videos have a vague Baby June sense of snuff about them, or the desperate air of They Shoot Horses, Don't They?. In the case of the most popular and successful channels, these kids are in essence child actors unprotected by labour laws, making their parents sizeable incomes.

There are more pressing regulatory issues around YouTube, and the child exploitation racket, unless there is provable abuse, is probably impossible to curtail, not least because it is the natural end point to the universal dynamic that we are all content providers now. The lie, of course, is that it is easy money or that these productions are just slightly massaged versions of Candid Camera home videos. As scripted content, the cost to the child is one of time and effort, but more than that, perhaps, one of perception. Most of these children are young - barely out of toddlerhood - when to perform an idea of cuteness and be made aware of its currency is to usher in early a plague of the age: self-consciousness.

* Emma Brockes is a Guardian columnist
Topics

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Parents are exploiting their children on YouTube for fame and easy money | Emma Brockes

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When my twins were babies, I caught a short episode of them on video in which one leaned over and snatched the pacifier from the other one's mouth and, for a second, I dreamed of putting it on YouTube and scoring one of those baby-does-hilarious-thing hits, in which the ad revenue rolls in while you sleep and you are rewarded simply for being alive.

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The Chainsmokers with Kygo - Family || Fast and Furious 9 Music Video

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“When I get up, they’re gonna be high with me”

This is my favourite lyric because it represents my family who is always there to support me so that when I succeed, they’ll succeed with me.

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The Chainsmokers with Kygo - Family || Fast and Furious 9 Music Video

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I love my family because they’re the reason I’m where I am now and will always be. No matter what happens, I will find a way to repay what they’ve done for me.

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This is my family. My siblings would fight a lot, but we would always make up again. Everyone is pretty much egoistic but sometimes, it really does show in the way they treat us. Action does speak louder than words

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SITI NURSAHIDATUL BALQISH BINTI MOHD SAHRUL

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SITI NURSAHIDATUL BALQISH BINTI MOHD SAHRUL

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Father accused of whipping 5-year-old son to death: Report

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From the first time I saw this headline, I knew this problem has been a lot in family issues. Abuse. Some parents might think this method is the best way to teach their children, just like Gerald Oglesby. I don’t and will never wanted to understand how abuse will improves someone discipline. Based on my research on internet, children abuse will increase fear, guilt and self-blame. Children will have distrust with adults or difficulty in forming relationships with others. This conclude that children abuse will effects on children’s mental health.

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Father accused of whipping 5-year-old son to death: Report

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A Las Vegas-area man was arrested Thursday and charged with murder for allegedly whipping his 5-year-old son to death with a cable box cord.

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0:37 - 1:23

The lyrics in this part express how would i behave in front of my family and grateful for having them in my life.

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This is my lovely family. Even though I always bickering with my siblings, I still love them.

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This is my mom and me. People often says that we looks alike and I kind of agree with that. One thing that I really admires about her is she never complains about her responsibilities. My mom is a worker, a mother of 4 children, a daughter, a wife and yet she never lacked in being four of them in one time. I really want to be like her in the future.

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This is my mom.She’s the most beautiful,caring and the sweetest person i’ve ever met.Honestly it’s more than that,no words could describe how amazing and wonderful she is. She gives out the best advice and being supportive of me. Even though she doesn’t always get my jokes but she will ask me to explain it to her so she could understand the jokes. She is also the best chef i’ve ever met.Her cooking never fail to amaze me. She would encourage me to try cooking and teaches me how to cook simple dishes so I can cook for the family if she can’t cook on that day. She is the best mom i could’ve ever ask for.

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Dad : Please, let the kids have fun at the waterpark.

Mom : No way! It is too dangerous.

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1.32 - 1.52
This part of the song just reminded me how simple things used to be when i was just a kid because my family will always help me whenever i needed them. But now i’m getting older and need to learn to do things by myself without my family’s help especially i’m in a boarding school make me feel very grateful to have them as my family.

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SITI NURSAHIDATUL BALQISH BINTI MOHD SAHRUL

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SITI NURSAHIDATUL BALQISH BINTI MOHD SAHRUL

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This is my mum, Norakhidah binti Ishak. She is a mother of one child which is me. She’s very kind and sometimes strict too. She cares about my academic like all mother would. She likes to watch drama and every time she finishes it, she will tell me about it for a week but I don’t mind.

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SITI NURSAHIDATUL BALQISH BINTI MOHD SAHRUL 

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SITI NURSAHIDATUL BALQISH BINTI MOHD SAHRUL 

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This is my family pic. They are such a supporting family and never failed to make me happy. They are really fun to be with together. I will never trade them for something else.

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0:27-1:03

i really like this part especially when it says “used to be so afraid, afraid of all the games we play” idk for me it really potray my memories when i was younger. my family is my magic. i can’t be where i am today without them 🫂🫂

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so .. this is my mom! the one and only person that i trusted so much in my family aside from my dad and my siblings. if i would describe her in one word, i would say it’s pure love. she’s one of the most hardworking person i’ve ever seen, always do her best at her workplace. super caring too like of course she’s a mom after all! super duper friendly i assure u that. i really can see why she have a lot of friends. to mama i know u wouldn’t see this but i just want to say that i love you so so so much to the moon and back and i appreciate everything u did for me and our family 💗💗 i’ll treasure you forever and i’ll try my best to do well in life !! i love you my heroine and life saver <3

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dad: Please think of this carefully honey, are you really sure about that?

mom: Yes I Am. Don’t make me repeat myself fullstop

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My mum is one of the most caring people I’ve met. All the terrible things my siblings and I have done such as throwing tantrums, breaking things, causing her trouble and she still goes through them with outstanding patience. A very hardworking housewife, she wakes her family on time, prepares their meals, washes their clothes, cleans the house but never shows her tiredness in front of us. My mum desires to become a businesswoman with her undeniably delicious cakes and I’m sure she can achieve that dream of hers. I’m the luckiest person in the world to have her as a mother. :D

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Using Mentimeter, I let my own family decide what words describes us best.

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SITI NURSAHIDATUL BALQISH BINTI MOHD SAHRUL

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SITI NURSAHIDATUL BALQISH BINTI MOHD SAHRUL

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Dad : Honey, we’ve talked about this before.
Mom : My answer is final. Do not make me repeat myself.

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Dad: I’m sorry but I can’t take them to Legoland this week because I have to finish my work.

Mom: You promised them, you can’t break a promise especially one you made to your children.

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From the left: my older sister, my dad, my younger brother, my mom and me

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My family is very fun to be with when we’re on a vacation, enjoying ourselves together with the small opportunity that we rarely get on our daily life.

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This is my mom. She’s a very good cook and I really love to eat whatever she cooks because all of them are so tasty. I also adore how smart she is. She can teach me any subjects especially maths and science. Sometimes she’ll explain to me about different diseases like cancer and how they work. She loves biology so much and I enjoy learning something new from her. She resigned long ago and now she’s just a housewife. She loves to go shopping every week. It’s very fun to go spend time with her together at the shopping mall. She’s also very creative and artistic. She can draw realism and decorates the house with the flowers that she composed.

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Migos, KAROL G, Snoop Dogg & Rock Mafia – My Family ("The Addams Family" OST) (Lyrics, Letra)

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0:43 - 0:58

I love this part because its express how family always got each other back. How you dont mess with someone knowing they have a family that will always got their back covered.

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Migos, KAROL G, Snoop Dogg & Rock Mafia – My Family ("The Addams Family" OST) (Lyrics, Letra)

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Dad: But I have appoiment with my friends tonight.
Mom: No mean no. You’ve already meet them yesterday.

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This is my mom. She’s a teacher and has been teaching for 27 years now. She always find a way to solve a problem with all her might,its awesome. She’s is an introvert and chill in any situation that i can’t even argue with her. Always been a good listener to anybody. Want to share secret? Go to my mom. She wont tell anybody,trust me.😆 She just..like to mine her own business.

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My mom is a mother of 5 children. She is a really hardworking mom. She is always busy preparing us breakfast and dinner, go to work, do chores, take care of my younger siblings, and etc. She never failed to remind us our homework and our responsibilities at home. Everytime we got some problems, she give us advices in the best way possible. She always show her affections through kind words and actions. Not to forget that she is very caring too. Despite how busy she is, she still ask us if we eat already.

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This is my mom, Mimi Syazleen. My mom is very bubbly and funny. She would always sing Disney’s song in a weird way that it’s engraved in my brain until now. She is also very caring and patient like most of the moms in the world. It hurts to see how she’s trying to hold back whenever she’s sad. In my opinion, my siblings are very stubborn. Even though we always fighting, causing problems, she would still care for us. “Makan la jom”. We would fight at the dinner table and she still care about wether we ate or not. It seems like a small thing, but I would always be touched by it.

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Dad : Why did you do that?
Mom : I do what’s the best for them. You won’t understand.

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https://youtu.be/cPyovQwFmhE

1:06 - 1:12

Honestly, this is song leaning more towards friendship but I just love this part of the lyrics. If you ask teenagers to pick between family and friends, i think majority would choose friends. Friends sure does make you happy and enjoy life but one day, you might part ways for studies, their own family and more. But, your family always been with your side, ever since you were born. Maybe some family doesn’t but at some point, they will 💗

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Wiz Khalifa - See You Again (Lyrics) ft. Charlie Puth

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Afrah Nasuha Binti Annuar Deen 3F

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Dad : I’m sorry. It’s my fault.
Mom : You better not repeat the same mistake again.