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In season two, episode 13 of Living Single, Kyle Barker goes through 'A Hair-Raizing Experience.' Kyle gives his bosses a stellar presentation on a new project and also persuades them to make him funds manager. Later, one of his colleagues, Lawrence insinuates that the promotion may not happen all because of one thing: Kyle's hair.

"It's not corporate enough," Lawrence blatantly says referring to Kyle's finger-coil like twists. He ends the conversation by saying, "change the hair." Throughout the entire episode, Kyle tries on a variety of toupees and wigs and then comes to the realization that he won't change his hair to get a promotion.

According to New York City-based therapist Tamara Thompson, Lawrence's action in Living Single is a prime example being marginalized in the workplace, which often leads to code-switching.

"It becomes problematic when you're in an environment, where you feel like the only way you can survive is by code-switching. If you show any sign of individuality, that's going to be frowned upon, penalized or even exclusion if you don't do it. You feel like you're being forced to change your personality or you're not allowed to wear your hair in a certain hairstyle," Thompson said. "When they're marginalized in the workplace, sometimes you are punished and penalized in a really subtle way."

The definition of code-switching per Dictionary.com means, "the modifying of one's behavior, appearance, etc., to adapt to different sociocultural norms." A few more examples of code-switching can be a woman who works at a predominantly male company and feel they have to change their language or jargon to adapt and join the boy's club, when a person of color has a work voice, which sounds completely different from their regular voice or when they have to change their hairstyle, the style of clothing just to fit into a company's culture.

In a previous interview with ESSENCE, CNN political commentator Symone Sanders spoke about how she's against code-switching and why she no longer has a work voice. She went on to talk about a discussion she had with a few student leaders where she was asked, "how can I effectively code-switch at my internship?" Her response: "You're basically asking me, how can I be more palatable for my coworkers that don't look like me?"

Therapist and certified yoga instructor, Katiuscia Gray believes the reason why people of color code-switch is to make their white colleagues feel comfortable.

"They don't want to show their 'Black side.' I don't even know what a Black side is, but that's what I've heard. They code-switch to make white people feel more comfortable and I feel no matter how comfortable you make them feel, at the end of the day, we're still Black," Gray said.

Gray says many people of color talk in a different tone of voice to not only conceal their blackness, but also don't want to be deemed as the 'angry Black woman' or the fear of 'getting in trouble' when it's time to voice their opinion. There is a sweet spot where one can be their authentic self at work in regards to style and tone of voice, while still maintaining a sense of respectability, professionalism, and assertiveness.

However, is all code-switching bad? Thompson says we all tend to subconsciously code-switch without even noticing it. Sometimes the person we are changes depending on who we are with. The person we may be with our friends may not be the same person we'll be with our parents, siblings, or even colleagues.

"All of us have different things we'd like to be and there are some people that bring that out of who we are. Some of us can go out, be 100 percent authentic and then come home and behave completely different. That's who we are as well," Thompson said. "As long as you feel like you can be yourself, without fear of being penalized, without fear of not getting a promotion you're qualified for. In that form, it's unhealthy when you can't be yourself."

So what should one do when they feel like they're being compromised at work. Both Thompson and Gray believe to use that as a moment to teach their colleagues.

"You want to take the steps to change the views and perspective of other people. When you have upper management support, you're able to do that sometimes," Thompson said. It's important to not write people off right away, but instead elaborate and convey its significance.

Notable companies like Google, Twitter and more have created employee resource groups like Black Googler Network and BlackBirds, to help foster inclusion and diversity in the workplace. Employee Resource Groups (ERGs) are employee-led groups made up of individuals who join together based on common interests, backgrounds or demographic factors such as gender, race or ethnicity, according to Society to Human Resource Management (SHRM).

Per SHRM, when companies have ERGs, they help foster safe places for their employees to be heard and seen, creates inclusions and builds diversity within the company, help get a better understanding of the customers they're servicing, and more.

If there's any indication where the company isn't willing to compromise or meet you halfway, it's best to leave the job. Understand that the company culture is not for you and a better opportunity is coming.

In the meantime, it's vital for you to understand what makes you, you and find your authentic self. So, how does one reach that point? Gray emphasizes by starting with therapy. "Seek therapy, a life coach or go to an assertive class. Journal writing is great," Gray said. "Don't be afraid to be who you are and don't be afraid to have a voice. You will not get fired. I constantly hear young professionals say 'I don't want to get in trouble.' You won't get in trouble. You're a professional, be who you are. Show up as who you are. You never know what friendships you could ascertain from being your true self."

Kyle responds to Lawrence along with his two bosses, "My hair is not just for fashion, it's part of my heritage. It is a statement of pride. A statement, by the way, which could show our clients that this firm is not only progressive when investing its money, but also progressive when investing in its people... Whether you decide to promote me or not - I will not change my hair."

In the end, Kyle's project not only was approved, but he was promoted to funds manager. We all can take a note or two from Kyle's book about not compromising oneself to fit the mold.

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What It Means If You're Code-Switching in the Workplace

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In season two, episode 13 of Living Single, Kyle Barker goes through 'A Hair-Raizing Experience.' Kyle gives his bosses a stellar presentation on a new project and also persuades them to make him funds manager. Later, one of his colleagues, Lawrence insinuates that the promotion may not happen all because of one thing: Kyle's hair.

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Implicit Bias -- how it effects us and how we push through | Melanie Funchess | TEDxFlourCity

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Intersectionality takes it to the streets

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This essay was first published on Forge, Medium's new channel on personal development.

I sometimes introduce myself as a "professional African American" when I travel the country to give ally skills workshops - often while looking out at a sea of white faces.

It's a joke, of course, but the point is serious. I'm using humor to disarm my audience, and to make some difficult and personal topics more accessible.

I recognize that every person walks into the room with a different set of experiences and point of view. Many folks have had uncomfortable and even traumatizing experiences talking about race, gender, sexuality, and other forms of marginalization. And many of the companies I work with have had conversations about bias go sideways. So a part of the learning experience in my workshops is making it safe for people to be present, both physically and emotionally.

Of course, most of the people who sign up for an ally skills workshop already consider themselves an "ally." Which is what exactly? An ally, in this context, is simply someone who isn't part of a marginalized group but who supports that group actively.

Given the pervasive experiences of bias that many numerically underrepresented minorities report at work, the impulse toward allyship by majority group folks is encouraging. But putting this impulse into action can get tricky. As I caution folks, the very notion of allyship is rejected on its face by some folks who have been harmed by the ham-fisted efforts of well-intentioned, self-proclaimed "allies."

The ally skills framework that I developed in partnership with Dr. Kim Tran, and I teach as a consultant at the diversity strategy firm ReadySet, asks a provocative question: It's great that you see yourself as an ally, but what does putting that into action look like?

Be an accomplice, not an ally

It comes as a surprise to some of my ally skills workshop attendees, but I encourage folks to move from the frame of "ally" to "accomplice." Here's why I prefer this term.

Without context, most folks would consider "ally" to be positive and "accomplice" to be negative. But bringing history into focus means recognizing that many of the liberties we now enjoy - civil rights for black folks and gay marriage, for example - were but a dream not long ago, and required major disruption of the status quo to happen. Disruption isn't easy or polite.

What I'm hoping to impress upon folks is that this work - the work of being an accomplice - might cost you something. Perhaps your comfort or social standing, or maybe even your safety. Real advocacy and comfort rarely go hand in hand.

Accomplices try to "care more"

For some people, the growth opportunity might involve slowing down, taking up less space in conversations across difference, and becoming a more active listener. For others, it might mean admitting when they've made a mistake and offering a genuine apology to the person harmed. For others still, growth might look like having the courage to speak up and communicate the impact of an unfortunate altercation.

I once had a boss advise me, "It's okay to care more." I didn't fully appreciate it at the time, but the phrase and invitation has stuck with me over the years. In my experience, many audiences exist on a continuum of caring, from withdrawn skepticism to card-carrying social justice warrior.

But caring is personal, and doesn't need to conform to accepted tropes. Some of the most committed agents of institutional change decline to publicly advertise their commitment. They just do the work. I often cite as an example the actress Jessica Chastain, whose pledge to her fellow movie star, Octavia Spencer, to negotiate for pay as a unit leveraged her privilege as a successful white Hollywood star to demand equity.

I can't tell you what to care about or how to express it, but I'm confident that everyone - regardless of identity - can put their caring into action a bit more.

Accomplices understand that marginalization isn't always obvious or visible

My way of being in the world and my anchor in this work is deeply grounded in my identity as an African American man: the descendant of enslaved folks and the grandson of sharecroppers. I'm not shy about bringing this identity into the room and naming it. But this stance doesn't require anyone to make themselves smaller in my presence. In fact, I invite others to bring more of themselves into the room as well.

One of the greatest shortcomings of our cultural discourse is the refusal to explore our complicated shared history in America. I don't mean simply dwelling on the brutality inflicted on indigenous and enslaved folks, although we shouldn't be shy to acknowledge historical truths. What I mean is that our shared history is more complicated and interdependent than we tend to discuss.

That sea of white faces I encounter in a workshop might well include more diversity and marginalized identities than it appears to at first: Many attendees have told me that while they pass for white, they identify ethnically in a multiplicity of ways. Many white-passing folks find themselves in conversations that "other" them or make them feel conflicted, invisible, and resentful. Many people of Italian, Irish, and Jewish heritage have ancestors who suffered from and fled persecution. And of course there are other less obvious identities in these rooms: LGBTQ+, differently abled, and neuroatypical folks, to name just a few.

In rooms of visible ethnic and racial minorities, expression of those experiences is often muted. It can be seen as insensitive and disingenuous for white and white-passing folks to claim a marginalized historical identity.

As a black-white binary pushes important nuance into the shadows, I'm passionate about creating spaces where all this can be discussed more expansively. I don't think it serves us to expect people we think of as white to take up less space, and for the people we think of as black to take up more space, based solely on our perception of their proximity to oppression.

Similarly, it's important to acknowledge privilege that may coexist with marginalization. Despite my historically and systemically marginalized racial identity, for example, the privileges afforded me by dint of being an educated, straight, able-bodied male are significant.

We all contain multitudes, and the space to bear witness to someone else's story can be sacred and affirming.

Accomplices don't have all the answers

Admitting (and, frankly, learning) what we don't know is a crucial starting point. I haven't always had the analysis I now hold around race and identity in the United States. In fact, the whitewashed formal education I received was woefully deficient in preparing me for the realities of moving through the world with the identity I have. I learned my history - and in many ways what it means to be a black man in America - as an adult.

Despite our best intentions, our liberal enclaves, our high-minded ideals, we all have more learning to do. There's something comforting in this universal growth opportunity: None of us have it all figured out.

As an accomplice, the goal isn't to avoid stressful conversations or situations where we risk saying or doing the wrong thing; we actually need to spend more time in them, and learn to lean into our values when we feel emotionally triggered. That's not easy:The physiological impact of conflict and stress prompts the brain to release cortisol and adrenaline into the bloodstream, putting the body into a fight, flight, or freeze response. In this state, we are biologically primed to respond to imminent danger - not to do complex thinking or bring our social graces to bear.

Put another way: We don't rise to the level of our hopes and values, and we sink to the level of our basest instincts and our training. This is why it's vital to train ourselves - to practice how we'll intervene where necessary, and how we'll respond when we're embarrassed, ashamed, or called out.

And it's why we need to breathe and reflect as we do the work of preparation - and when we can, maybe even laugh.

Willie Jackson is a Diversity, Equity, & Inclusion (DEI) speaker, consultant and facilitator who makes waves at the intersection of event production, behavior change, and leadership development. He's the founder of an online magazine for black men called Abernathy, and an advisor to authors, startups, and executives across a range of industries.

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To Promote True Advocacy, Don't Be an Ally: Be an Accomplice - From Day One

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This essay was first published on Forge, Medium's new channel on personal development. I sometimes introduce myself as a "professional African American" when I travel the country to give ally skills workshops - often while looking out at a sea of white faces. It's a joke, of course, but the point is serious.

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White privilege doesn't mean you're rich. White privilege doesn't mean you engage in overt racism. White privilege is a status granted to those who inherit physical traits that don't appear threatening to other white people. If you're a white person, or a person who's often identified as being white based on outward appearances, you immediately qualify as one who benefits from this particular privilege. Recognize it. Admit it.

Now, this isn't to shame you about your privilege. You had no choice in the matter of what body you were born into. Black and brown people have that in common with you; none of us had a say about what body we'd be born into, yet we all inherited the histories of our ancestors anyway.

In America, history tells black and brown people that their bodies are always in danger. From slavery to lynchings to medical mistreatment to police brutality to being shot for walking or jogging in a certain neighborhood, violence against black bodies by white hands has become normalized. Educate yourself on the history of the African American experience.

While white parents have the privilege of expecting police officers to protect their kids, black parents harness constant anxiety about how law enforcement may perceive their children. Too many parents of color have to remind their school-aged children not to speak, dress, or move in a way that may threaten white people, including the police.

For instance, in Minneapolis, Minnesota, where George Floyd was killed in May by a cop who kneeled on his neck for almost nine minutes, the New York Times reported that police are seven times more likely to use force on black people in that city than they are on white people. On the subject of law enforcement, if you're one to quickly argue that there's potential for danger "on both sides," check your biases. All lives can't matter until black lives matter just as much as yours does.

Acknowledging your privilege, becoming informed about the disparities that separate people by color, and ceasing to defend a system that hasn't worked for a disproportionate amount of black people are the first steps you should take in becoming an ally. But this checklist is an internal one. In order to aid change, you must act externally as well, or else your complacency contributes to the failure of the system.

In order to aid change, you must act externally as well, or else your complacency contributes to the failure of the system.

Speak up when you witness an injustice or hear a friend or family member continue to deny the flaws of systemic racial inequality.

Through white privilege, you have an audience that many black people will never have access to; you are a part of a community that has the option of ignoring racism while claiming "colorblindness." For those with the privilege of denying racial inequality, there is a reality they ignore, which includes never having to interact with the oppressed they claim has the same rights as they do. Be the voice that demands change, even when people of color are absent.

You must first listen to our stories in order to empathize with our struggle. Then, once you are informed, it is your duty as an active ally to share information. Backlash should be expected, but when you're armed with information, you're able to engage thoughtfully. Consider the violent backlash that generations of black people have faced while asking to be treated as human beings. The more our stories are heard, the more the majority is forced to empathize with us as fellow humans deserving of equality in all aspects of life.

Document injustice whenever possible.

Arrests made on behalf of slain black people like George Floyd and Ahmaud Arbery happened because of video evidence. With the advancement of technology, witnesses and bystanders to acts of malice, aggression, and violence can record footage that might ultimately make or break decisions in the justice system. White privilege seems to present itself even in these instances, as illustrated by the live arrest of Omar Jimenez, a black correspondent for CNN. His white peers, documenting the same protest nearby, was allowed to continue reporting.

Vote for officials who support change.

Though this is an election year, it's not just the presidential vote that matters. An overwhelming amount of the country has voted for prosecutors and public officials who don't accurately reflect the diversity of the country we live in, leading to a narrative that villainizes non-white people and champions jails and prisons overrun with nonviolent people of color. Change is necessary.

The social system founded in America was one based on slavery and violence against black people. We have never been in a position to oppress white people, nor has that ever been the message. All we ask is to be treated fairly, as your privilege has afforded you. As James Baldwin said in a speech addressing the 1968 riots, "I want exactly what you want. And you know what you want. I want to be left alone."

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How to Use White Privilege to Defend Black Bodies

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White privilege doesn't mean you're rich. White privilege doesn't mean you engage in overt racism. White privilege is a status granted to those who inherit physical traits that don't appear threatening to other white people. If you're a white person, or a person who's often identified as being white based on outward appearances, you immediately qualify as one who benefits from this particular privilege.

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On the next page you'll be asked to select an Implicit Association Test (IAT) from a list of possible topics . We will also ask you (optionally) to report your attitudes or beliefs about these topics and provide some information about yourself.