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Hand Gestures Around the World (Also in the Prezi)

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Hand Gestures Around the World (Also in the Prezi)

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This YouTube video highlights the different meanings of hand gestures around the world.

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Travelers are often concerned about language barriers in foreign countries, but often don't consider body language. Around the world, though, people use their bodies--especially their hands--to communicate as eloquently as with words. The Distant Lands Show demonstrates some hand gestures commonly used--and commonly misused--around the world.

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A quick guide for travelers.

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EVERY country has its cultural quirks. To avoid being the subject of tut tuts and disapproving looks while you're travelling, we take you through the top taboos from Japan to the Middle East.

JAPAN:

The most common greeting in Japan is the bow; the timing, posture and movement of which should reflect sincerity, respect and graciousness. A beautiful bow is often compared to a ripe rice stalk swaying in the wind: the more mature the person, the deeper the head is lowered. An improper bow hints at a lack of education and maturity. As a foreign visitor you are not expected to emulate this ritual faithfully - a gentle nod will do.
-Lonely Planet Japanese Phrasebook

LATIN AMERICA:

Personal space boundaries vary from country to country, but in Latin America they are set closer than in Anglo-Saxon countries. People stand closer when talking to one another, and casual touching of the arm or shoulder during conversation is not unusual. Good friends will typically greet each other with an abrazo (hug) or beso (kiss), and it's quite normal to see people of the same sex walking down the street arm in arm.
-Lonely Planet Latin American Spanish Phrasebook

MEXICO:

In Mexico, when paying for something, place your cash or credit card directly into the hand of the person you're dealing with. This applies in cafes and restaurants, as well as hotels and shops. Leaving payment on the counter can be interpreted as a sign that you don't respect the person enough to have contact with them.
-Lonely Planet Mexican Spanish Phrasebook

NEW ZEALAND:

The traditional greeting of New Zealand Maori is the simultaneous pressing of noses and forehead, known as the hongi. The word directly translates as smell or sniff, but is more evocatively described as an exchange of ha, the breath of life. Such greetings are commonplace on marae, the open space in front of a Maori meetinghouse where visitors are welcomed, nowadays with a handshake at the same time as the hongi.
-Hirini Moko Mead, Tikanga Maori (Huia, 2003) & Lonely Planet South Pacific Phrasebook

When 'no' gets mistaken for 'yes' there can be all sorts of trouble, but you can always rely on a shake of the head or a nod, can't you? Not in Bulgaria, where the nod means no and the shake means yes. To complicate matters further, polite Bulgarians will often try to compensate by reversing their normal habit. For absolute verification, familiarise yourself with the words da (yes) and ne (no).
-Lonely Planet Bulgarian Phrasebook

MIDDLE EAST:

Before you whip the big thumbs up out of your pocket to convey that 'all is well' or 'I'd like to hitch a ride', be warned that you may be about to make a boo-boo. In some parts of the Middle East you may as well be flipping the bird, and the gesture has a similarly negative meaning in Nigeria and parts of South America. In Germany, you will be indicating the numeral one, which will be fine unless you really want to order two.

Meanwhile, eating with your hand is acceptable in the Middle East, as long as it's the right one! The left hand is considered unclean. Practicing this custom is particularly important at communal dinners, where many hands may come into contact with shared food, but it's also important when shaking hands or giving and receiving gifts.
-Roger Axtel, Gestures: The do's and taboos of body language around the world

FRANCE:

As you would expect in a country that came up with the word etiquette, it is easy for foreigners to commit faux pas in France. At the dining table the odds increase dramatically. To avoid offence, keep your hands on the table, not in your lap. Break up your bread roll into nibbles, rather than shoving the whole thing in your gob, but beyond that try to avoid eating anything with your fingers. Peel fruit with a knife and eat it with a fork; avoid man-handling sandwiches if you can.
-Lonely Planet French Phrasebook

In India - as in much of Asia - it is the feet that are considered unclean. Do your utmost to avoid touching any part of someone else's body with your foot or shoes, and if you do so, apologise straight away. Pointing the soles of your feet at someone is also offensive, so don't prop your feet on chairs or tables while sitting, and take care how you arrange yourself when sitting on the floor.
-Lonely Planet Hindi, Urdu & Bengali Phrasebook

INTERNATIONAL:

The ultimate beau geste (gracious gesture) is one that is used in every country on earth. Although in some cultures in certain circumstances it can have negative connotations, it is seldom misunderstood and can be used in many situations. It conveys an array of positive emotions, and as such is the great bridge builder between peoples of the world. It involves only the eyes and the mouth, and so requires minimal effort. It is particularly useful in sticky situations. It is so powerful it is thought to release endorphins into the body that generate a feeling of euphoria. It is, of course, the smile.
Festivals: Weird and wonderful world festivals

Customs: World customs Australia should adopt

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A traveller's guide to avoiding faux pas

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EVERY country has its cultural quirks. To avoid being the subject of tut tuts and disapproving looks while you're travelling, we take you through the top taboos from Japan to the Middle East. JAPAN: The most common greeting in Japan is the bow; the timing, posture and movement of which should reflect sincerity, respect and graciousness.

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"Learn more about some of the things to look for when you are trying to interpret body language."

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Body language refers to the nonverbal signals that we use to communicate. According to experts, these nonverbal signals make up a huge part of daily communication. From our facial expressions to our body movements, the things we don't say can still convey volumes of information.

It has been suggested that body language may account for between 50 percent to 70 percent of all communication. Understanding body language is important, but it is also essential to pay attention to other cues such as context. In many cases, you should look at signals as a group rather than focusing on a single action.

Here's what to look for when you're trying to interpret body language.

Think for a moment about how much a person is able to convey with just a facial expression. A smile can indicate approval or happiness. A frown can signal disapproval or unhappiness. In some cases, our facial expressions may reveal our true feelings about a particular situation. While you say that you are feeling fine, the look on your face may tell people otherwise.

Just a few examples of emotions that can be expressed via facial expressions include:

The expression on a person's face can even help determine if we trust or believe what the individual is saying. One study found that the most trustworthy facial expression involved a slight raise of the eyebrows and a slight smile. This expression, the researchers suggested, conveys both friendliness and confidence.

Facial expressions are also among the most universal forms of body language. The expressions used to convey fear, anger, sadness, and happiness are similar throughout the world. Researcher Paul Ekman has found support for the universality of a variety of facial expressions tied to particular emotions including joy, anger, fear, surprise, and sadness.

Research even suggests that we make judgments about people's intelligence based upon their faces and expressions. One study found that individuals who had narrower faces and more prominent noses were more likely to be perceived as intelligent. People with smiling, joyful expression were also judged as being more intelligent than those with angry expressions.

The eyes are frequently referred to as the "windows to the soul" since they are capable of revealing a great deal about what a person is feeling or thinking. As you engage in conversation with another person, taking note of eye movements is a natural and important part of the communication process. Some common things you may notice include whether people are making direct eye contact or averting their gaze, how much they are blinking, or if their pupils are dilated.

When evaluating body language, pay attention to the following eye signals:

Eye gaze: When a person looks directly into your eyes while having a conversation, it indicates that they are interested and paying attention. However, prolonged eye contact can feel threatening. On the other hand, breaking eye contact and frequently looking away might indicate that the person is distracted, uncomfortable, or trying to conceal his or her real feelings.

Blinking: Blinking is natural, but you should also pay attention to whether a person is blinking too much or too little. People often blink more rapidly when they are feeling distressed or uncomfortable. Infrequent blinking may indicate that a person is intentionally trying to control his or her eye movements. For example, a poker player might blink less frequently because he is purposely trying to appear unexcited about the hand he was dealt.

Pupil size: Pupil size can be a very subtle nonverbal communication signal. While light levels in the environment control pupil dilation, sometimes emotions can also cause small changes in pupil size. For example, you may have heard the phrase "bedroom eyes" used to describe the look someone gives when they are attracted to another person. Highly dilated eyes, for example, can indicate that a person is interested or even aroused.

Mouth expressions and movements can also be essential in reading body language. For example, chewing on the bottom lip may indicate that the individual is experiencing feelings of worry, fear, or insecurity.

Covering the mouth may be an effort to be polite if the person is yawning or coughing, but it may also be an attempt to cover up a frown of disapproval. Smiling is perhaps one of the greatest body language signals, but smiles can also be interpreted in many ways. A smile may be genuine, or it may be used to express false happiness, sarcasm, or even cynicism.

When evaluating body language, pay attention to the following mouth and lip signals:

Pursed lips: Tightening the lips might be an indicator of distaste, disapproval, or distrust.

Lip biting: People sometimes bite their lips when they are worried, anxious, or stressed.

Covering the mouth: When people want to hide an emotional reaction, they might cover their mouths in order to avoid displaying smiles or smirks.

Turned up or down: Slight changes in the mouth can also be subtle indicators of what a person is feeling. When the mouth is slightly turned up, it might mean that the person is feeling happy or optimistic. On the other hand, a slightly down-turned mouth can be an indicator of sadness, disapproval, or even an outright grimace.

Gestures can be some of the most direct and obvious body language signals. Waving, pointing, and using the fingers to indicate numerical amounts are all very common and easy to understand gestures. Some gestures may be cultural, however, so giving a thumbs-up or a peace sign in another country might have a completely different meaning than it does in the United States.

The following examples are just a few common gestures and their possible meanings:

A clenched fist can indicate anger in some situations or solidarity in others.

A thumbs up and thumbs down are often used as gestures of approval and disapproval.

The "okay" gesture, made by touching together the thumb and index finger in a circle while extending the other three fingers can be used to mean "okay" or "all right." In some parts of Europe, however, the same signal is used to imply you are nothing. In some South American countries, the symbol is actually a vulgar gesture.

The V sign, created by lifting the index and middle finger and separating them to create a V-shape, means peace or victory in some countries. In the United Kingdom and Australia, the symbol takes on an offensive meaning when the back of the hand is facing outward.

The arms and legs can also be useful in conveying nonverbal information. Crossing the arms can indicate defensiveness. Crossing legs away from another person may indicate dislike or discomfort with that individual.

Other subtle signals such as expanding the arms widely may be an attempt to seem larger or more commanding while keeping the arms close to the body may be an effort to minimize oneself or withdraw from attention.

When you are evaluating body language, pay attention to some of the following signals that the arms and legs may convey:

Crossed arms might indicate that a person feels defensive, self-protective, or closed-off.

Standing with hands placed on the hips can be an indication that a person is ready and in control, or it can also possibly be a sign of aggressiveness.

Clasping the hands behind the back might indicate that a person is feeling bored, anxious, or even angry.

Rapidly tapping fingers or fidgeting can be a sign that a person is bored, impatient, or frustrated.

Crossed legs can indicate that a person is feeling closed off or in need of privacy.

How we hold our bodies can also serve as an important part of body language. The term posture refers to how we hold our bodies as well as the overall physical form of an individual. Posture can convey a wealth of information about how a person is feeling as well as hints about personality characteristics, such as whether a person is confident, open, or submissive.

Sitting up straight, for example, may indicate that a person is focused and paying attention to what's going on. Sitting with the body hunched forward, on the other hand, can imply that the person is bored or indifferent.

When you are trying to read body language, try to notice some of the signals that a person's posture can send.

Open posture involves keeping the trunk of the body open and exposed. This type of posture indicates friendliness, openness, and willingness.

Closed posture involves hiding the trunk of the body often by hunching forward and keeping the arms and legs crossed. This type of posture can be an indicator of hostility, unfriendliness, and anxiety.

Have you ever heard someone refer to their need for personal space? Have you ever started to feel uncomfortable when someone stands just a little too close to you?

The term proxemics, coined by anthropolgist Edward T. Hall, refers to the distance between people as they interact. Just as body movements and facial expressions can communicate a great deal of nonverbal information, so can this physical space between individuals.

Hall described four levels of social distance that occur in different situations:

Intimate distance- 6 to 18 inches: This level of physical distance often indicates a closer relationship or greater comfort between individuals. It usually occurs during intimate contact such as hugging, whispering, or touching.

Personal distance- 1.5 to 4 feet: Physical distance at this level usually occurs between people who are family members or close friends. The closer the people can comfortably stand while interacting can be an indicator of the level of intimacy in their relationship.

Social distance- 4 to 12 feet: This level of physical distance is often used with individuals who are acquaintances. With someone you know fairly well, such as a co-worker you see several times a week, you might feel more comfortable interacting at a closer distance. In cases where you do not know the other person well, such as a postal delivery driver you only see once a month, a distance of 10 to 12 feet may feel more comfortable.

Public distance- 12 to 25 feet: Physical distance at this level is often used in public speaking situations. Talking in front of a class full of students or giving a presentation at work are good examples of such situations.

It is also important to note that the level of personal distance that individuals need to feel comfortable can vary from culture to culture. One oft-cited example is the difference between people from Latin cultures and those from North America. People from Latin countries tend to feel more comfortable standing closer to one another as they interact while those from North America need more personal distance.

Understanding body language can go a long way toward helping you better communicate with others and interpreting what others might be trying to convey.

While it may be tempting to pick apart signals one by one, it's important to look at these nonverbal signals in relation to verbal communication, other nonverbal signals, and the situation. You can also focus on learning more about how to improve your nonverbal communication to become better at letting people know what you are feeling-without even saying a word.
Ekman P. Emotions Revealed: Recognizing Faces and Feelings to Improve Communication and Emotional Life. 2nd ed. New York: Holt; 2007. Hall ET. A System for the Notation of Proxemic Behavior. American Anthropologist. October 1963;65(5):1003-1026. doi:10.1525/aa.1963.65.5.02a00020. Hehman, E, Flake, JK and Freeman, JB. Static and Dynamic Facial Cues Differentially Affect the Consistency of Social Evaluations. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin. 2015; 41(8): 1123-34. doi:10.1177/0146167215591495. Pease A, Pease B. The Definitive Book of Body Language. Orion Publishing Group; 2017. Pillai D, Sheppard E, Mitchell P. Can People Guess What Happened to Others from Their Reactions? Gilbert S, ed. PLoS ONE. 2012;7(11):e49859. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0049859.

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How to Read Body Language and Facial Expressions

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Body language refers to the nonverbal signals that we use to communicate. According to experts, these nonverbal signals make up a huge part of daily communication. From our facial expressions to our body movements, the things we don't say can still convey volumes of information.

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This is a documentary from the History Channel. It is full length, so it is long, but it is worth a look.

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Body language basics, definitions, and history.

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course: free online self awareness training | businessballs.com

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Course: Free Online Self Awareness Training | businessballs.com

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Team Management Performance Management Building Relationships Communication Skills Strategy and Innovation Change Management Project Management Finance Self Awareness Self Management Problem Solving and Decision Making Coaching and Mentoring

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"Understanding body language & signals..."

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Body language is an important part of communication. We discuss unspoken communication and what it might mean.

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What do your hands say about you when you talk? Find out by following this link!

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Everyone "talks" with their hands at least sometimes. Some people's hand-talking or gesturing matches their message well. Other people have a tendency to make overly large gestures that can be distracting. And still others don't use their hands much at all. No matter which camp you fall into, it's important to pay attention to your hand gestures while you are communicating or making a presentation. You may be unconsciously communicating in ways you don't realize. Many gestures are universal across cultures and geographies. Here are some examples:

Using no hand gestures -- If you don't use your hands at all that may be perceived as indifference. Your audience may feel that you don't care about what you are talking about.

Hands hidden -- If your audience can't see your hands, it will be hard for them to trust you.

Hands open and your palms at a 45-degree angle -- communicates that you are being honest and open.

Hands open with palms down -- Communicates that you are certain about what you are talking about.

Palms facing each other with your fingers together -- Communicates that you have expertise about what you are talking about.

Hands grasped in front of you -- Communicates that you are nervous or tentative, as does touching your face, hair, or neck.

Hand gestures that are larger than the outlines of your body -- communicates a large idea or concept. But if all your hand gestures are large you will communicate that you are chaotic or out of control. (See the photo at the top of the post).

Hand gestures can have cultural meanings: A few years ago I was a speaker at a conference in Lisbon, Portugal. It was my first time in Portugal, and I became instantly enamored of the special custard pastries that Lisbon and Portugal are known for. One morning I went into a bakery and ordered two of the pastries. I did so by holding up two fingers, similar to the "victory" or "peace" gesture in the United States. The person behind the counter proceeded to put three pastries in a box. I later learned that the gesture for two would have been to raise my thumb and index finger. Even though my thumb wasn't showing, the person behind the counter thought I was signaling for three.

I was lucky that I didn't get into more trouble than an extra pastry. Many hand gestures are not universal. Before speaking in a country or to a culture that you are not familiar with, do some research to find out which gestures in your presentation might be misunderstood, not understood at all, or offensive.

What do you think? Have you experimented with using hand gestures to communicating confidence and expertise?

Here's my favorite book on body language:

The Silent Language of Leaders: How Body Language Can Help-or Hurt-How You Lead by Carol Kinsey Goman (2011).

And for more great tips for presenting and speaking see my latest book: 100 Things Every Presenter Needs To Know About People (2012).

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Everyone "talks" with their hands at least sometimes. Some people's hand-talking or gesturing matches their message well. Other people have a tendency to make overly large gestures that can be distracting. And still others don't use their hands much at all.

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Frequent communication problems and how to be a better communicator.

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Thoughts on acceptance, balance, and change

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Why body language is important and how to understand it.

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NACADA > Resources > Clearinghouse > View Articles

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Understanding non-verbal communication.

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Picking Up and Understanding Nonverbal Signals

Lauren sighed. She'd just received an email from her boss, Gus, saying that the product proposal she'd been working on wasn't going to be signed off after all.

It didn't make any sense. A week ago she'd been in a meeting with Gus and he'd seemed really positive about it all. Sure, he hadn't made much eye contact, and he kept looking out of the window at something. But she'd just put that down to him being busy. And, he'd said that "the project will probably get the go-ahead."

If Lauren had known a little bit more about body language, she'd have realized that Gus was trying to tell her that he wasn't "sold" on her idea. He just wasn't using words.

In this article, we'll define what is meant by body language, and how you can read and interpret it to understand people better and communicate with them more effectively.

What Is Body Language?

Put simply, body language is the unspoken element of communication that we use to reveal our true feelings and emotions. Our gestures, facial expressions and posture, for instance.

When we are able to "read" these signs, we can use it to our advantage. For example, it can help us to understand the complete message of what someone is trying to say to us, and to enhance our awareness of people's reactions to what we say and do.

We can also use it to adjust our own body language so that we appear more positive, engaging and approachable.

How to Read Negative Body Language

Being aware of negative body language in others can allow you to pick up on unspoken issues or bad feelings. So, in this section, we'll highlight some negative nonverbal signals that you should look out for.

Difficult Conversations and Defensiveness

Difficult or tense conversations are an uncomfortable fact of life at work. Perhaps you've had to deal with a difficult customer, or needed to talk to someone about his or her poor performance. Or maybe you've negotiated a major contract.

Ideally, these situations would be resolved calmly. But, often they are complicated by feelings of nervousness, stress, defensiveness, or even anger. And, though we may try to hide them, these emotions often show through in our body language.

For example, if someone is exhibiting one or more of the following behaviors, he will likely be disengaged, disinterested or unhappy (see figure 1):

Arms folded in front of the body.

Minimal or tense facial expression.

Body turned away from you.

Eyes downcast, maintaining little contact.

Figure 1.
Being aware of these signs can help you to adjust what you say and how you say it, so you can make him feel more at ease and receptive to your viewpoint (see figure 2).
Figure 2.
Avoiding Unengaged Audiences

When you need to deliver a presentation, or to collaborate in a group, you want the people around you to be 100 percent engaged.

Here are some "telltale" signs that people may be bored or disinterested in what you're saying (see figures 3-6):

Sitting slumped, with heads downcast.

Gazing at something else, or into space.

Fidgeting, picking at clothes, or fiddling with pens and phones.

Writing or doodling.

When you notice that someone is disengaged, you're in a better position to do something about it. For example, you can re-engage her by asking her a direct question, or by inviting her to contribute an idea of her own.

How to Project Positive Body Language

When you use positive body language, it can add strength to the verbal messages or ideas that you want to convey, and help you to avoid sending mixed or confusing signals.

In this section, we'll describe some basic postures that you can adopt to project self-confidence and openness.

Making a Confident First Impression

These tips can help you to adjust your body language so that you make a great first impression:

Have an open posture. Be relaxed, but don't slouch! Sit or stand upright and place your hands by your sides (see figure 7). Avoid standing with your hands on your hips, as this will make you appear larger, which can communicate aggression or a desire to dominate (see figure 8).

Use a firm handshake. But don't get carried away! You don't want it to become awkward or, worse, painful for the other person. If it does, you'll likely come across as rude or aggressive.

Maintain good eye contact. Try to hold the other person's gaze for a few seconds at a time. This will show her that you're sincere and engaged. But, avoid turning it into a staring match! (See figure 9.)

Avoid touching your face. There's a common perception that people who touch their faces while answering questions are being dishonest (see figure 10). While this isn't always true, it's best to avoid fiddling with your hair or touching your mouth or nose, particularly if your aim is to come across as trustworthy.

Public Speaking

Positive body language can also help you to engage people, to mask presentation nerves, and to project confidence when you speak in public. Here are a few tips that can help you to do this:

Have a positive posture. Sit or stand upright, with your shoulders back and your arms unfolded and at your sides or in front of you (see figure 11). Don't be tempted to put your hands in your pockets, or to slouch, as this will make you look disinterested.

Keep your head up. Your head should be upright and level (see figure 12). Leaning too far forward or backward can make you look aggressive or arrogant.

Practice and perfect your posture. You'd practice your presentation beforehand, so why not practice your body language, too? Stand in a relaxed manner, with your weight evenly distributed. Keep one foot slightly in front of the other - this will help you to maintain your posture (see figure 13).

Use open hand gestures. Spread your hands apart, in front of you, with your palms facing slightly toward your audience. This indicates a willingness to communicate and to share ideas (see figure 14). Keep your upper arms close to your body. Take care to avoid overexpression, or people may pay more attention to your hands than to what you're saying.

Tip:

If you notice that your audience's concentration is starting to slip, try to lean slightly forward while you speak. This suggests that you are taking them into your confidence and will help you to regain their attention.

Interviews, Negotiations and Reflection

Body language can also help you to stay calm in situations where emotions have the potential to run high - a negotiation, for example, or a performance review. Use the following tips to defuse tension and demonstrate openness:

Use mirroring. If you can, subtly mirror the body language of the person you're talking to. This will make him feel more at ease, and can build rapport. But don't copy every gesture that he makes, as this will likely make him feel uncomfortable, or that you're not taking him seriously.

Relax your body. It can be difficult to keep emotions at bay, particularly in nerve-wracking situations such as an interview or appraisal. But you can maintain the appearance of calm by keeping your hands still, and by avoiding fidgeting with your hair or touching your face.

Look interested. As we suggested above, touching your face or mouth can signal dishonesty. But, it can also demonstrate that you're thinking. So, if you are asked a complex question, it's OK to briefly touch your cheek or stroke your chin. This will show the other person that you're reflecting on your answer before you respond (see figure 15).

Figure 15.
Note:

While the tips covered in this article are a good general guide for intepreting body language, it's important to remember that they won't necessarily apply to everyone. This is particularly the case if someone has a different cultural background from you, for instance.

Avoid making generalized assumptions. If you're getting mixed signals, check that your interpretation of the person's body language is correct by asking him questions and getting to know him better. After all, the ability to interpret body language is a complementary skill, not a substitute for listening to and understanding people.

Key Points

Body language refers to the nonverbal signals that you use to communicate your feelings and intentions. It includes your posture, your facial expressions, and your hand gestures.

The ability to understand and to interpret body language can help you to pick up on unspoken issues, problems or negative feelings that other people might have. You can also use it in a positive way to add strength to your verbal messages.

Negative body language includes:

Folded arms.

Tense facial expression.

Body turned away from you.

Poor eye contact.

Positive body language includes:

Open body position (arms unfolded).

Upright posture.

Relaxed and open facial expression.

Arms hanging relaxed by the sides.

Regular eye contact.

Photographs in this article © Mind Tools/Gez Page.

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Body Language: Picking Up and Understanding Nonverbal Signals

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Picking Up and Understanding Nonverbal Signals Lauren sighed. She'd just received an email from her boss, Gus, saying that the product proposal she'd been working on wasn't going to be signed off after all. It didn't make any sense. A week ago she'd been in a meeting with Gus and he'd seemed really positive about it all.

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TED Talk on Body Language (Also in the Prezi)

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TED Talk on Body Language (Also in the Prezi)

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Amy Cuddy shares her research on how body language affects ourselves as much as it does others.

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TED Talks are influential videos from expert speakers on education, business, science, tech and creativity, with subtitles in 100+ languages. Ideas free to stream and download.

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This website: succeedsocially.com has many tips on overcoming shyness and awkwardness in social situations.

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Succeed Socially.com | Free Social Skills Guide For Adults

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A completely free guide on how to improve social skills for adults, written by a former shy, awkward guy