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I feel empathy and discomfort

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Uncomfortable with Becky's defensiveness and her inability to stop interrupting and listen to the others

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These videos show just how important it is to try to see other people's perspective. Becky's inability to try to listen and learn because she felt like she knew made me feel bad for her/uncomfortable.

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I remember watching this when it aired many years ago and having a very strong emotional reaction and really feeling Kevin's frustration.  Their new conversations about it left me with moments of hopefulness and awe that many other cast members supported Kevin and have really taken time to broaden themselves and think beyond themselves, but also frustration over the fact that Becky still won't listen and really hear what's being said. Her defensiveness is a true hinderance for her personal growth.

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Video 1: Becky's words are hard to watch. 1. Myth of the melting pot. 2. Becky's refusal to acknowledge that systemic racism is different from the personal struggles of individual people. 3. Becky's inability to hear the truth about living in this country as a Black person. She makes only one salient point albeit not well. White women DO have race privilege but not gender privilege, just as Kevin has gender privilege but not race privilege. Intersectionality is important.
Video 2:  Becky is the type of white person who associates racism only with people who use racial slurs and espouse white supremacy. Her refusal to acknowledge that the racism baked into every aspect of our society has benefitted her as a white woman is telling about how little she has grown in the intervening years. She is also clearly unaware of the dangerous weaponization of white women's tears throughout US history to the deadly outcome of Black men. Emmett Till is only one of these.
Video 3: Becky with the good hair displaying in one conversation many tired communication styles tied to white supremacy - tone policing, prioritization of white comfort in conversations about racism, and denial of personal culpability. Oh and the tried and true "I have Black friends."

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I'm uncomfortable with Becky saying "you don't know anything until you walk in someone else's shoes..." when she is also making assumptions about people.

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Watching these videos reminds me of the importance of being antiracist, and the flaws in passivity. As a white person, it is easy to pass the blame onto the system and just try to be kind to everyone you meet. Becky remarks many times that she is kind to everyone she knows, regardless of their skin color. However, kindness is not enough. Acceptance (of self and others), education and action are all needed to become antiracist and an ally. I was glad to see some of the other white cast members speaking up since it is not the job of people of color alone to educate about racism. It is clear that some of the cast have taken ownership of their racist remarks and continue to educate themselves on systemic issues in the country, the privileges they've been given, how to listen and how to support. This discussion also made me think about the importance of having an antiracist curriculum that spans/builds across grade levels.

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I agree with a lot of what others have stated.  Becky is unable to listen, and as Kevin says, you need to learn to listen and talk even if it's uncomfortable.  She is on the defensive and not willing to hear and accept the systematic racism that exists.  She keeps personalizing it and claiming she is not racist. I was heartened to hear that the others have reflected and grown since 1992, and have reached out to Kevin to discuss or apologize for past things said.  We need to challenge ourselves to have these conversations and learn how to be antiracist, not just "not racist".  

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I agree with a lot of what others have stated.  Becky is unable to listen, and as Kevin says, you need to learn to listen and talk even if it's uncomfortable.  She is on the defensive and not willing to hear and accept the systematic racism that exists.  She keeps personalizing it and claiming she is not racist. I was heartened to hear that the others have reflected and grown since 1992, and have reached out to Kevin to discuss or apologize for past things said.  We need to challenge ourselves to have these conversations and learn how to be antiracist, not just "not racist".  

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Video 1: Becky's defensiveness and inability to examine her own privilege are uncomfortable and disheartening to watch. It is frustrating to watch her equate personal experiences with prevalent systemic racial issues while using arguments showing that clearly she has not taken any time to educate herself or attempt to take on a perspective other than her own.
Video 2: Very uncomfortable to watch Becky "apologizing" while continuing to not listen and speak over Kevin. Again, she falls into so many ways of thinking that she could correct if she took the time to educate herself on the systems that she is talking about
Video 3: I was glad that people other than Kevin were speaking up so that he did not have to continuously point out Becky's mistakes/biases alone. I agree with the comments others posted about the importance of active anti-racism vs. passivity. Supporting students early with anti-racist curriculum is so important.

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It was uncomfortable to watch the tension grow within the group.  To see members actively listening, synthesizing what was being shared, connecting it to past experiences,  and even attempt to steer Becky towards absorbing what Kevin was saying without egocentrism - while Becky remained set that she wasn't the problem.

A cast member mentioned the importance of demonstrating anti-racism with their children.  Not only to saying to their kids what is important, but regularly doing something, be a part of action towards anti-racism.

It feels familiar, being in a school and showing in justices that happened in history,  educating our students on those who are being activists toward change, developing a group of children who are interested in doing more. It makes me wonder how we can take more action within our classrooms, use critical literacy's take action for social justice to do more.

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Many, many takeaways but I'll focus on one...
After listening to the back and forth between Julie & Kevin, I was reminded of the "Four Agreements of Courageous Conversation." Specifically, I thought about the power of expecting and accepting a lack of closure. It's one of the many uncomfortable aspects of tough conversations around race. We often engage in these conversations expecting a certain (immediate) outcome but that is rarely the case. We need to understand and accept that shifting mindsets take time which is why it is incredibly important to come back to these conversations frequently and continue to speak your truth and engage with others. Even if it doesn't feel like it's making a difference, it is.

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This was frustrating to watch. It was disappointing and frustrating that 29 years later Becky seems to have a similar perspective as she did previously. Despite the lack of listening and a repeat of a conversation 29 years later, it was incredibly powerful to watch this and tangibly feel the discomfort in the room and tension. Additionally, it was inspiring to see how many of the people have had time to reflect, learn, and grow.

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learning to stop talking and listen is a big takeaway from these video clips. I have a close friend who I spoke with about racial issues this summer and she shared something with me about raising children that stuck with me. she said, "help him understand his privileges".

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All of these videos were frustrating to watch, and really highlight the importance of the message to listen to others. Becky is unable to do this through her constant interrupting and defensive attitude. Instead of defaulting to defensiveness as a response, Becky needs to work on hearing the perspectives of others and validating their feelings.  She also needs to be able to recognize where she can grow and learn. She did not show openness to educating herself and learning more about how to actively be antiracist. It seems that Becky is closed off because these are uncomfortable conversations for her, but participating in these conversations, although they may be difficult, is part of becoming antiracist.

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So frustrating to watch Becky refuse to hear Kevin's experience and knowledge of racism and instead choose to put all of her energy into defending herself and making sure he understood that she isn't racist. It's sad and scary to see how the fear of facing racism and acknowledging the role that we as white people have all played in it stops us from moving forward.

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video 1: They are trying to be Real but defensiveness is preventing any real listening and deep processing from happening. There is a lot of anger and blame circling between them preventing reflection. The intention of the conversation is to go deep but it is filled with landmines.
video 2: Kevin has clearly spent A LOT of time integrating and enacting the personal development tools he learned in therapy
and his spirituality work.  He is fully listening and communicating.  Becky is enacting white fragility, she wants to be right and to be assured that she is not a racist. She refuses to  grasp the reality he is presenting to her. He reframes it many times yet she insists her reality is "correct". From her position of privilege she has not had to do the work and is light years behind.
video 3: at least they all hung in there as a group to support Kevin and persuade Becky that she might not be getting it. No one got up and left the room, so there is that...trying to be hopeful. Many in  the group have evolved and are supporting Kevin and doing actions that are positive, perhaps eventually Becky will  get over feeling hurt and think about what she can do to be anti-racist from her position of economic and cultural power. She really says so many insulting and racist comments so easily... and is unaware of it because there are no repercussions for her.

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Watching these videos was uncomfortable and made me feel uneasy.  I am sure that everyday there are many conversations that mimic this and I am wondering if there is a better approach to having discussions like this that would be more beneficial.  Even just the process of learning to listen seems to be a skill that needs to be developed in order to have fruitful conversations and learn.

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Speaking as a white person - I think these clips really demonstrate something that is such a hindrance to most white people's interactions with people of color: we center ourselves, our perspectives. We think: I know myself, I know the hardships that I've faced, and I know that I'm a good person, so I can't be "racist." This kind of thinking prevents us from truly listening to hear what a person of color is sharing about their experience. Instead, we listen to respond to them and defend the fact that we're a "good" person. When we're thinking like this, we're perpetuating those systems, as much as we might believe that we're not. As white people, we all have racist thinking to unlearn. Coming from a place of understanding where you fit into systems of power, of acknowledging how your perspective is limited because of your place in those same systems, is the only way to truly connect and move forward.

I think it's easy to feel frustrated with Becky in these video clips. It's harder to acknowledge to ourselves that we have all been Becky at some time or another, probably many times.