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Hey fam, feel free to ask questions, I'm here for you! I don't know exactly how this will work yet, I'm just gonna go with the flow. This is `going to be advice, and stuff I think about my daily life, and a lot of "story time"s. It's also going to be me being honest about what really happened, and what I can improve on. Owning up, growing up. And if anyone ever has questions, or a story they want to share, feel free to comment it down bellow any of my posts. Welcome to dear diary.

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SO, story time. I made this padlet today, after one of my friends created one, then got mad and kicked me out. Here we go. So, my friend Ally, posted a padlet, in which I could post, so as kind of a joke on my other friends, and being serious, I post something. Now, this talks about toxic relationships with your friends, and as an example, sage I introduce Emerlyn. I don't say that I have a conflict with her, I just say basically that she was mean but in a kinder way. I was going to do a monthly update about "Emerlyn" and the situation with her friends. My other friends name is Elle. SO Ally gets mad, and says not to reveal this friends name, but technically I didn't. So we go back and forth for a while, and she ends up kicking me out. This is almost a way of making her sorry she did that, but I want it to be more than that.

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Hey fam. SO, ultimately, if I dont have something to rant about in my day, I will talk about something else that happens in my life. Today, I'm going to talk about this.
So, when I say drama tears, I dont mean from drama. I mean when you are being dramatic. I don't know what it is, but very little things make me cry. For instance, in class the other day, I was trying to get the kid next to me-Danny, to quiet down, and a teacher walked by and said "Tracy” quietly, but she was calling me out. I started crying. By crying, I dont mean sobbing loudly, I mean tears down your face and this wave of sadness that just overtakes you. I felt that, over I wouldn't even say getting scolded for talking! Am I the only one who seems to cry over really silly things, a lot? If you are comfortable, and you can relate, share an example in the comments. If you have advice, other than "dont be dramatic" then please share it with us! Bye for now!

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Some friends, like Elle, have mental issues that effect them greatly. Elle has anxiety and she believes she has depression, which she might. Those things can make a person feel bad about themselves, or others, can make them act in strange ways, and can make it hard to be around them sometimes because its hard for them to manage their responses. This, however, is no excuse to be unkind to you, you might just need to have a little more patience with your friend. Try to show empathy, even when it's hard, and if you think that your friend needs it, tell a trusted adult, even if they ask you not to. A true friend would. I need to be more supportive of Elle.

Now, Elle needs to work on how she manages her emotions. Elle is sometimes mean to me and Ally, or is mean, and then tells us to leave her alone, even if she was the one yelling at us, or just ignores us. She also says things sometimes, that aren't caused by anxiety, like she is scared of this girl named Miah, but Miah is smaller than Elle, and isn't normally mean to people who aren't mean to her, so she needs to realize that it is not ok to be scared of doing things, or talk badly about someone, then just blame it on your mental health. AT the end of the day, Elle and I both need to make sure we are being good friends.

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So, I have issues with acne, and I'm really self conscious about it, actually. You wouldn't know that my knowing me, but I am. I think half my zits are caused by when I cry and practically pull my skin off wiping my eyes. Knowing me, my acne probably isn't as bad as some people have it, but I'm still self conscious about it. I'm here to tell you that its OK to be self conscious about this stuff, but that it's really OK. If someone is dumb enough to judge you by you acne, hair, skin color, or anything like that, they don't deserve you in their lives. It doesn't matter that I have acne, because that doesn't define me.

Let me know if you can relate, or if you have insecurities you are comfortable anonymously sharing.

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If you know my true identity, don't tell anyone. Just, don't.
So, today I was playing uno with some of my friends. One of them was yelling at me to "stop making other people feel bad" while also yelling "I hate you!" Could have been a joke, but she wasn't laughing. I had Elle talking to me, and she layed down when she shouldn't have yet. I said "Oh, no don't lay down." In a COMPLETELY neutral tone, not men or anything and she says "Sorry, sorry, Jeez!" Like she was being defensive. I repeated what she said in the same tone, ish, as close as I could get, and then said "why would you respond like that? I didn't say it like I was mad!" But I was interrupted by Kristy, "STOP MAKING PEOPLE FEEL BAD!" I feel like I'm just falling, and the ground is crumbling beneath me   Fine. I'm just fine! Seriously though. They really, REALLY hurt my feelings. Be careful what you say, it might just be enough to break your friend.

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Kristy's real name is Crystal, but we are going to call her Kristy for the duration of this padlet.

I met Kristy the first year I moved here, and we weren't particularly close. We were on the same sports team. Then, in 4th grade, we became best friends. In 5th grade, when COVID19 was big, we were in the same class, and I dare say she was my only close friend in that class. She helped me with my guy crush, and got me through the hard times. But we went through these patches. SO, Kristy was friends with a girl named Mel. Mel was always on herside, but swore never to feed the drama. We got into fights a lot, and it was always two against 1.          Our teacher helped us a lot with that. But he knew I was mature, slightly more so than her. Kristy is even more stubborn than I am. Our teacher always told me to apologize, and let her play victim, eve though she would say mean things to me, even put her hands on me. I always apologized, stating the things I'd done wrong, but she never took responsibility for the things she had done wrong, even when I asked her about it. If you ask her about this stuff today, sh would deny ever putting her hands on me, or saying mean things. She always guilt tripped me, by saying I made her feel all these horrible ways, but in truth, thats how she made me feel. Her excuse for being mean, was always "you did it first."

If you have close friends that you have known for a long time, try to work it out, but also realize the damage you can do to someone. To this day, Kristy is still kind of immature when it comes to our friendship, and talking about me. Just, be sensitive, please.

Kristy hurts me (not physically) a lot. But we have been friends for so long, and I really don't want to let her go, because I know from past expirience that I'll miss her, and that she'll talk about me. What do I do? Leave your thoughts bellow, PLEASE!

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Sometimes you like somebody who doesn't like you back. That can be depressing. Especially if they like one of your friends and they tell you that to your face. Things like that can be hurtful. Sometimes you can be in a relationship with somebody mean to you or other friends. You need to end those right away. It can be hard to do so if you really like the person. I have a crush on a boy and I really want to go out with him, but he likes one of my friends. Maybe I can get him to like me.

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Jake is my older brother, by 6 years. If you have an older sibling, maybe you know. Or, maybe you get along with them. I am tired now, but in the future I have many stories to tell about Jake.

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So, I wouldn’t say I have a bad relationship with my parents, but it’s certainly not a great one. I don’t have the classic “oh, my moms my best friend” thing or anything like that. I don’t have the “oh, I tell my parents everything” relationship either. I don’t tell my parents a lot of things, like my mental well being, or things I feel, because I have in the past, and they kinda told me my feelings were wrong, so…

-deleted-But they don’t know that. They don’t know that I use to have lunch with my school counselor every week, or the texts I send to my friends after I fight with them, wishing I could just disappear. And that’s how I intend to keep it. A long time ago, we fought often. Like, all the time. We kinda do now,  but not as bad as we use to. M dad told me that my parents -deleted-

Sorry guys, I really don’t feel good. To be continued at a later date

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Hey. It’s Tracy. I know I haven’t really posted at all. Just, bleh. I’m struggling with Kristy not being my friend anymore, and constantly being hostile to me. Pretty much all of the girls on our sports team don’t like me because of her, and I’m having trouble letting go of the closest friend I’ve ever had, even if she was toxic. I can’t help but miss what we were. Other than that, nothing big going on in my life.