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YORK, England: What does loneliness sound like? I asked this question on Twitter recently. You might expect that people would say "silence", but they didn't. Their answers included:

The wind whistling in my chimney, because I only ever hear it when I'm alone.

The hubbub of a pub heard when the door opens to the street.

The sound of a clicking radiator as it comes on or off.

The terrible din of early morning birds in suburban trees.

I suspect everyone has a sound associated with loneliness and personal alienation. Mine is the honk of Canadian geese, which takes me back to life as a 20-year-old student, living in halls after a break-up.

These sounds highlight that the experience of loneliness varies from person to person - something that is not often recognised in our modern panic. We are in an "epidemic"; a mental health "crisis".

In 2018 the British government was so concerned that it created a "Minister for Loneliness". Countries like Germany and Switzerland may follow suit.

This language imagines that loneliness is a single, universal state - it is not. Loneliness is an emotion cluster - it can be made up of a number of feelings, such as anger, shame, sadness, jealousy and grief.

The loneliness of a single mother on the breadline, for example, is very different to that of an elderly man whose peers have died or a teenager who is connected online but lacks offline friendships. And rural loneliness is different from urban loneliness.

By talking about loneliness as a virus or an epidemic, we medicalise it and seek simple, even pharmacological treatments. In 2019, researchers announced that a "loneliness pill" is in the works.

This move is part of a broader treatment of emotions as mental health problems, with interventions focusing on symptoms not causes.

But loneliness is physical as well as psychological. Its language and experience also change over time.
LONELY AS A CLOUD
Before 1800, the word loneliness was not particularly emotional: It simply connoted the state of being alone. The lexicographer Thomas Blount's Glossographia (1656) defined loneliness as "one; a oneliness or loneliness, a single or singleness".

Loneliness usually denoted places rather than people: a lonely castle, a lonely tree, or wandering "lonely as a cloud" in Wordsworth's poem of 1802.

In this period, "oneliness" was seldom negative. It allowed communion with God. For many of the Romantics, nature served the same, quasi-religious or deistic function. Even without the presence of God, nature provided inspiration and health, themes that continue in some 21st-century environmentalism.

Critically, this interconnectedness between self and world was also found in medicine. There was no division of the mind and body, as exists today. Between the 2nd and the 18th centuries, medicine defined health depending on four humours: Blood, phlegm, black bile and yellow bile.

Emotions depended on the balance of those humours, which were influenced by age, gender and environment, including diet, exercise, sleep and the quality of the air.

Too much solitude, like too much hare meat, could be damaging. But that was a physical as well as a mental problem.

This holism between mental and physical health - by which one could target the body to treat the mind - was lost with the rise of 19th-century scientific medicine. The body and mind were separated into different systems and specialisms: psychology and psychiatry for the mind, cardiology for the heart.

This is why we view our emotions as situated in the brain. But in doing so, we often ignore the physical and lived experiences of emotion. This includes not only sound, but also touch, smell and taste.
WARM HEARTS
Studies of care homes suggest that lonely people get attached to material objects, even when they live with dementia and can't verbally express loneliness.

Lonely people also benefit from physical interactions with pets. The heartbeats of dogs have even been found to synchronise with human owners; anxious hearts are calmed and "happy hormones" produced.

Providing spaces for people to eat socially has, as well as music, dance and massage therapies, been found to reduce loneliness, even among people with PTSD. Working through the senses gives physical connectedness and belonging to people starved of social contact and companionable touch.

Terms like "warm-hearted" describe these social interactions. They come from historic ideas that connected a person's emotions and sociability to their physical organs.

These heat-based metaphors are still used to describe emotions. And lonely people seem to crave hot baths and drinks, as though this physical warmth stands in for social warmth.

Being conscious of language and material culture use, then, might help us assess if others - or we - are lonely.

Until we tend to the physical as well as the psychological causes and signs of loneliness, we are unlikely to find a "cure" for a modern epidemic. Because this separation between mind and body reflects a broader division that has emerged between the individual and society, self and world.
THE LIMITS OF THE INDIVIDUAL
Many of the processes of modernity are predicated on individualism; on the conviction that we are distinct, entirely separate beings.

As medical science parcelled up the body into different specialisms and divisions, the social and economic changes brought about by modernity - industrialisation, urbanisation, individualism - transformed patterns of work, life and leisure.

Little wonder then, that the language of loneliness has increased in the 21st century. Privatisation, deregulation and austerity have continued the forces of liberalisation.

And languages of loneliness thrive in the gaps created by the meaninglessness and powerlessness identified by Karl Marx and sociologist Emile Durkheim as features of the post-industrial age.

Of course loneliness is not only about material want. Billionaires are lonely too. Poverty might increase loneliness linked to social isolation, but wealth is no buffer against the absence of meaning in the modern age.

Nor is it useful in navigating the proliferation of 21st-century "communities" that exist (online and off) that lack the mutual obligation assured by earlier definitions of community as a source of "common good".

I am not suggesting a return to the humours, or some fictitious, pre-industrial Arcadia. But I do think that more attention needs to be paid to loneliness's complex history.

In the context of this history, knee-jerk claims of an "epidemic" are revealed to be unhelpful. Instead, we must address what "community" means in the present, and acknowledge the myriad kinds of loneliness (positive and negative) that exist under modern individualism.

To do this we must tend to the body, for that is how we connect to the world and each other - as sensory, physical beings.
Fay Bound Alberti is a Reader in History and UKRI Future Leaders Fellow at the University of York. This commentary first appeared on The Conversation.

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Commentary: Have we medicalised loneliness? It's society that's broken

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YORK, England: What does loneliness sound like? I asked this question on Twitter recently. You might expect that people would say "silence", but they didn't. Their answers included: The wind whistling in my chimney, because I only ever hear it when I'm alone. The hubbub of a pub heard when the door opens to the street.

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While technology has made it convenient for us to make new friends, it has also made us complacent about doing so, says one observer.

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SINGAPORE: If we had to point to one thing we are short of that is causing most of us to miss out on opportunities, most of us might think it is money - but that increasingly isn't the case.

Contrary to popular belief, it's also not motivation.

In this day and age where careers are prioritised and society moves at a fast pace, the one thing we're lacking is time - it's leading to most of us missing out on dinners with friends and families.

The lack of time is also making it hard for working adults to make new friends outside of their professional circles.

In fact, the National Population and Talent Division's marriage and parenthood survey results released last year found 39 per cent of singles choose to focus on their careers or studies rather than to seek out dates, much less form new friendships. By placing priority on matters other than making friends, their social circles and existing friendships are shrinking.
FRIEND FINDING
Much has also been said about the difficulties in sustaining long-term friendships in modern day society. It's so easy to get engrossed in technology, in social media and its bottomless feed and forget about those around us.

Can we still make meaningful connections in a competitive, technology-dominated world?

Compared to our parents' generation, technology has changed the texture of human relationships.

Since the emergence of social apps, more are reaching out online as the primary way to expand their social circles.

Singapore saw an increase in percentage of singles open to online dating from 19 per cent in 2012 to 43 per cent last year. While negative perceptions of friendship and dating apps will never fully go away, the long-term trend is that more individuals are connecting through online platforms.

This interaction however might be bursts of activity rather than the long-term sustained friendships. On social networking app Paktor, users send at least 60 messages per log-in - likely, multiple messages to several profiles at once and with multiple matches.
MAKING AND MAINTAINING CONNECTIONS
Perhaps convenience gives an illusion of choice. Some get complacent and believe if a friendship doesn't work out, they can always move on to the next option and "ghost" the other party.

Maybe this is the reason why friendships form fast but people run a high risk of drifting apart just as quickly.

Some may argue that friendships formed in school or in the army create deeper connections and last longer. People who experience hard times together are said to forge stronger bonds.

One study, led by researcher Brock Bastian of the University of New South Wales in Australia, found that shared pain can produce bonding and cooperation. It also found that shared pain can increase a sense of solidarity, and boost cooperation among those who share these experiences.

While this may be true, it does not mean that it is impossible to create meaningful connections with the people you meet online - whether you're trying to make a friend or trying to form a romantic relationship.

A study published in the MIT Technology review found that couples who met online had higher levels of compatibility. Another study published in the journal Sociological Science in 2017 found that couples who met online made a quicker transition to marriage compared to those who met offline.

JUST KEEP AT IT
READ: Why breaking up in the Facebook era is hard to do, a commentary

The lesson isn't that online dating will lead you to form meaningful friendships or find the one. But it is a way to meet others and try to see if there's enough common ground for a long-term friendship, when time is not on your side.

For those trying to make new friends online, my own advice is to be clear of what you hope to achieve when you meet someone and to just keep at it.

It's always nerve-wrecking meeting someone for the first time but what do you have to lose?

Think of it as meeting a friend's friend for the first time. Get to know people, have polite conversations, and don't put pressure on yourself.

The key to maintaining new friendships is to constantly communicate and make it a point to meet regularly. Showing that you are putting in effort highlights how keen you are in maintaining the friendship which will hopefully be met with reciprocity.
Ng Jing Shen is chief executive officer of Paktor Group.
It sounds hard but if there is genuine chemistry and common interests, putting in the effort should come naturally. If it doesn't, perhaps that also teaches you something about yourself, your interests and what matters to you in making a genuine connection with someone.

At the end of the day, forming long-lasting friendships or relationships isn't rocket science. It is up to you to put in the effort into maintaining them.

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Commentary: Slow down to make meaningful connections in a fast-paced world

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While technology has made it convenient for us to make new friends, it has also made us complacent about doing so, says one observer. (Updated: ) Share this content SINGAPORE: If we had to point to one thing we are short of that is causing most of us to miss out on opportunities, most of us might think it is money - but that increasingly isn't the case.

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COVID-19 has enhanced our need for social connection while making it more difficult to do so. Online dating and the formation of romantic relationships are changing in significant ways during this pandemic, say Michelle Tan Li Min and Jean Liu.

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SINGAPORE: Can you find love during a pandemic?

In March, as countries went into lockdown, one New York resident asked his neighbour out by sending a drone message.

The pair then "dated" through video calls, before meeting in person after one of them dressed in an inflatable plastic bubble.

KEEPING LOVE DURING A PANDEMIC

While this story may amuse us, it shows us how far people would go to pursue a romantic relationship. And, at the heart of it, it highlights how social connections are important to us all.

Earlier this year, when the Singapore Government implemented circuit breaker measures, residents were asked to stay home as much as possible.

Some everyday activities were deemed essential, while others were judged "non-essential". And within this latter category, amid a raging pandemic threatening to spread, social activities with anyone outside the household - including romantic partners - were classified as non-essential.

Although the situation called for these restrictions, this is not the natural order of things. Even the introverts among us seek out social connections - particularly in times of crises.

FINDING LOVE DURING A PANDEMIC

Worse, romantic partners who did not live with each other found themselves on opposite ends of safe distancing requirements. Couples in long-distance relationships were separated by border closures and flight restrictions.

Faced with distances, romantic relationships during COVID-19 were largely maintained through technology - using FaceTime calls, WhatsApp videos, or meals over Zoom.

MORE TIME SPENT CHATTING BEFORE MEETING

But people who wanted new relationships found love too. In 2020, romance was often found through technology.

During the circuit breaker, the dating app Paktor saw a surge in app usage. More singles joined, and Paktor saw a 10 per cent increase in new users. Singapore users also spent 10 times longer on the app than they did before the pandemic. Although usage has now decreased, it remains 70 per cent higher than it was pre-pandemic.

With potentially more Singaporeans turning to dating apps, it's timely to consider how COVID-19 may be changing the way that people fall in love.

First, if more Singaporeans are using dating apps, we should see a larger pool of potential partners. In theory, this could mean a higher chance of finding a match - perhaps among disparate groups who might not have met otherwise.

Next, once a match is made, users can then message each other through the app. Since COVID-19 has made it harder to meet in person, users would likely spend more time at this messaging stage.

NORMALISATION OF VIDEO DATES

Can more messaging promote love? Perhaps, since messages are devoid of non-verbal cues like eye-contact. This may encourage users to compensate by sharing more about their lives.

Psychologists have found that when people share about themselves, romance is more likely to occur. Whether people talk about their favourite laksa haunt or reveal more personal information, this form of disclosure can lead to a spark.

A famous study by Arthur Aron found that if two strangers discuss 36 questions that increasingly become more personal, the self disclosure leads to mutual vulnerability that fosters closeness.

In other words, if COVID-19 promotes disclosure on dating apps, we might see more serious relationships blossom after this year. This may be the catalyst that brings about change against a growing tide of casual hookups - particularly on dating apps.

On the other hand, psychologists have also warned that messages have their limits.

Through messages alone, it's hard to tell whether you'll "click" with someone once you actually meet.

Given ongoing restrictions for in-person meetings, dating apps have innovated to help users connect with each another.

Before 2020, the app Bumble was the only dating app with a video call function. The pandemic has pushed competitors like Tinder to develop similar features. Last month, Tinder launched the "Face to Face" function for users to video chat,

Closer to home, dating agencies such as Kopi Date and LunchActually now offer users "virtual dates". On these dates, customers have meals with their dates through video-conferencing platforms such as Zoom.

Video dates may be a boon for dating apps. For users who are shy, video dates offer a less-intimidating format to meet a new person. It also reduces catfishing - when a user with a deceptive profile looks vastly different in person.

Finally, video dates can help transition an online match into an offline relationship. Dating becomes a step-like process: From a swipe, to texting, to meeting through video-calls, before two people finally meet in person.

Jean Liu is an assistant professor of psychology at Yale-NUS College. Her research examines the impact of technology, and she teaches a module on online dating. Michelle Tan is a final year psychology student at Yale-NUS College who previously enrolled in the module.
This provides many low-stake opportunities for users to figure out whether the match can work, without having to gear up for an evening out.

As a result, COVID-19 may have lowered the entry barriers to dating and made it more likely for matches to translate to actual relationships.

Since Singapore lifted the circuit breaker, couples have been able to meet in person and usage of dating apps has decreased. Still, with safe distancing rules in place, online dating remains an attractive option.

While online dating was already popular before the pandemic, COVID-19 normalised its use, encouraged people to forge deeper relationships than a casual hookup, and promoted video dates through the platforms. Each of these trends encourage serious relationships, and may lead to marriages in years to come.

In short, online dating to find your long-term partner may have gotten an upgrade during COVID-19.

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Commentary: Rise in online dating during pandemic may see more serious relationships, marriages in next few years

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COVID-19 has enhanced our need for social connection while making it more difficult to do so. Online dating and the formation of romantic relationships are changing in significant ways during this pandemic, say Michelle Tan Li Min and Jean Liu. (Updated: ) Share this content SINGAPORE: Can you find love during a pandemic?

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Key points

Social media capitalizes on isolation by "separating" us from friends, then making us want to check on what these friends are doing.

Connecting on social media creates more disconnection.

Being on social media actually isolates us from our real-life networks.

Imagine you are sitting home alone (not so difficult to imagine these days, considering over 3 in 5 Americans were lonely even before the pandemic) and have some time on your hands. What will you do with your free time? Call a friend? Read a book? If you're like most people these days, you may be thinking, "I wish, but that's so passé, oh out-of-touch writer. Why don't you climb out from the rock you are under and greet the 2020s?"

Yes, it's true (sigh) that most of us are choosing Facebook, Instagram or gaming over playing the guitar, going for a walk with a friend or belting out some karaoke tunes. Alternatively, we are plopping down on the sofa, grabbing the remote and ...

Watching the People We Once Were

It is no coincidence that "reality shows" became popular after the advent of social media. Before the Internet, many would have responded to the concept of a reality TV show with "Why would I want to watch someone like me?" Now we watch because we are not viewing people like ourselves; rather, we are viewing people like who we once were.

There is now a huge demand to know what's transpiring in the lives of real, everyday people who interact with others in real time (which reality shows supply) because real everyday people are gradually removing themselves from our lives-lock, stock, and barrel, but not Facebook page.

Capitalizing on our social isolation, reality shows tend to feature highly social characters with extended families and friendship networks. We want to know what real people are doing, but unlike the characters we binge watch, craving what they have, we're not prepared to step away from our screen to walk or drive over to see them. Instead, we follow them virtually on social media and watch them on TV.

Your Worst Quenches Their Thirst
Social media has, strangely, created its own demand. By isolating you from your friends, your loneliness becomes greater and you feel more motivated by what the British psychologist Pamela Qualter calls the "reaffiliation motive" to check your social media and see what your friends are doing.

It doesn't work. In some ways, social media is like calling the delivery number of a pizza franchise in your neighborhood. The more frequently you order, the fatter and less capable of walking outside to a grocery store or restaurant you become.

So what do you do? You call the delivery number more often to save yourself from an increasingly challenging walk (to real, face-to-face connection). Perceptively summarizing this phenomenon, the Italian novelist Umberto Eco once wrote:

The Internet is one thing and its opposite. It could remedy the loneliness of many, but it turns out it has multiplied it; the Internet has allowed many to work from home, and that has increased their isolation. And it generates its own remedies to eliminate this isolation, Twitter, Facebook, which end up increasing it.

Immobilized Without Connection

By putting you in contact with the many who matter little to you (e.g., former classmates you didn't even speak with in real time back then, friends of friends who are not friends for a reason), social media diminishes your ability to connect in real time with the few who matter a lot. Again, research identified this paradoxical effect of the Internet. So we know what's happening, yet seem helpless to change our habits.

Even worse-and more chilling-a new study has found that the more time you spend on your phone, the less enjoyment you derive from real-time conversations with the people who have truly been there for you in your life. You begin to perceive them, with all of their time-consuming idiosyncrasies, as requiring too much effort.

Yet you still crave the intimate connection that only real-time interaction produces, which expands your demand for what seems the easiest, most effortless way to tap into it-ironically, the technology that's stamped it out of your life-social media.

So, like the pizza chain gleefully delivering delicious, non-nutritious food to your home, social media throws you overboard and then dangles a life preserver in front of your flailing, desperately lonely, sputtering body. You never quite make it back into the boat of human connection, but neither do you have the capability to swim away.

Make It Happen

Here is one strategy I can recommend from my new book Screened In: The Art of Living Free in the Digital Age to stop touching your phone, on average, over 2.600 times per day, and begin replacing screen time with people time.

Put the apps you open multiple times daily-including all social media apps-onto your last screen. Decide how many times you want to check these apps weekly and only right swipe to the final screen on those occasions. This single act will make you more conscious of the decisions you are making innumerable times every single day of your precious life to attempt to connect with others through your phone rather than in person.

What will happen when the existential angst sets in of not having your electronic comfort object to turn to at every potentially calm moment in your day? You may actually use your phone as ... get ready ... a phone. You might call some of the people who are or could become part of your social convoy that travels with you through your successes and challenges in life and keeps you in good social, physical and mental health.

Give this strategy a try. Once you become accustomed to regulating how often you check your most addictive apps, you will begin to answer the phone and no longer perceive the caller as an irritating obstacle to the pruning of your social media message queue. You will start to replace loneliness with real-time connection and derive more enjoyment from this vast, beautiful world out there.

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How Social Media Exploits Our Loneliness

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Social media capitalizes on isolation by "separating" us from friends, then making us want to check on what these friends are doing. Connecting on social media creates more disconnection. Being on social media actually isolates us from our real-life networks.

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Prudential Singapore launches social activation to encourage real connections and conversations

Singapore, 14 December, 2016 - Stop hiding behind the screen and start listening to what your friends and family have to say. This is because spending too much time on the computer or mobile devices can cause a real threat to relationships, according to the 2016 Prudential Relationship Index report which provides a snapshot of the health of relationships in Singapore.

The research found that 28 per cent of couples in Singapore argue because of time spent on phones and computers. In fact, spending too much time on the computer or phone is the fourth most likely source of arguments between couples, after children, money and housework.

Almost one third (32 per cent) of those who are married or in a relationship think their partners prefer their mobile phones to being intimate. Of these, 22 per cent admit to sometimes preferring their phones to being intimate.

Ms Angela Hunter, Chief Customer Officer at Prudential Singapore, said that social media and digital technology have brought us closer yet further away from each other at the same time.

"Technology has enabled us to communicate and to connect more effectively with people around the world and around the clock. However, technology can also create greater distance between people if it is not used with discipline. For instance, we may find ourselves constantly distracted by our phones and emails that we sometimes fail to be present in the company of family and friends. We need to be conscious of how we are using technology such that it becomes an enabler and not a disruptor of our relationships," said Ms Hunter.

The research also found that almost half of the people in Singapore (48 per cent) spend more time texting friends than talking to them face-to-face. For those under the age of 30, the figure is higher, with 58 per cent choosing virtual over real-life interactions. In fact, 10 per cent admitted to even sending text messages to people who live in the same household.
One in three people in Singapore see technology as a barrier to deep conversations
The good news is people in Singapore are aware that undesirable technological habits could potentially hurt their relationships. While 52 per cent of people in Singapore found that technology made meeting new friends easier, one in three (37 per cent) believed that technology made it more difficult to have deep conversations.

84 per cent say that they would consider having gadget-free days to improve their relationships. In fact, 28 per cent of those surveyed say they already do so. For those who are single and unattached, 79 per cent say they would consider reducing time spent on mobile phones in order to spend more time with the people they know.
Prudential Singapore creates opportunities for real connections and conversations
To help people in Singapore disconnect from technology and re-connect with their family, friends and colleagues, Prudential Singapore is partnering with local coffee chain Toast Box to encourage people in Singapore to replace their mobile devices with meaningful conversations.

From today until 22 December 2016, customers at selected Toast Box outlets will receive a S$5 Toast Box voucher when they keep their mobile phones in the Prudential phone holders displayed on the tables while having a meal or a drink.

Prudential Singapore had conducted a social experiment last month at a Toast Box outlet and found the results to be astounding. Without any devices in hand, participants were seen to be engaging more with their friends and family.
Video link to social experiment
This latest initiative of Prudential Singapore is part of the insurer's ongoing campaign to help strengthen relationships in Singapore. Earlier this year, Prudential carried out a social experiment that invited couples and family members to look quietly at each other for four minutes to help them evoke a deeper emotional connection. The social experiment generated strong community interest with more than 23 million views online and the work was recognised at the 2016 Sparks Awards for Media Excellence and Marketing Excellence Awards 2016.

For more information on the Prudential Relationship Index:

Visit
Prudential Relationship Index Microsite

Download the Report
The Prudential Relationship Index report

Watch
The Prudential Relationship Index video
ABOUT the 2016 Prudential Relationship Index
The Prudential Relationship Index was developed to understand the state of personal relationships in Asia. Given the vital importance of relationships to people's happiness, wellbeing and longevity, the Prudential Relationship Index offers deep understanding and insight into relationships: how to make them stronger, better and more rewarding. More than 5,000 interviews were conducted in 10 countries and territories in Asia. These included Cambodia, China, Hong Kong, Indonesia, Malaysia, the Philippines, Singapore, South Korea, Thailand and Vietnam. Interviews were conducted between 13 and 31 July 2016 with adults between 25 and 55 years of age. In Singapore, 500 interviews were conducted online with a representative sample of adults in the country. Respondents are residents representing approximately the top two-thirds of household incomes in Singapore.
ABOUT Prudential Assurance Company Singapore (Pte) Limited (Prudential Singapore)
Prudential Singapore, an indirect wholly-owned subsidiary of UK-based Prudential plc, is one of the top life insurance companies in Singapore. We have been serving the financial and protection needs of Singaporeans for 85 years. Our focus is to bring well rounded financial solutions to customers through our multi-channel distribution network, with product offerings in Protection, Savings and Investment. We are one of the market leaders in Protection, Savings and Investment-linked plans with S$29.4 billion funds under management as at 30 June 2016. In 2014, we were awarded an AA Financial Strength Rating by leading credit rating agency Standard & Poor's.

For the last 11 consecutive years, we have been awarded the Gold Award in Reader's Digest Trusted Brands. Since 2007, we have been conferred the People Developer Award by SPRING Singapore for our efforts in training and developing employees and in 2013 and 2014, we were presented with Asia's Employer of the Year Brand Award by the Branding Institute and the World HRD Congress. Prudential Singapore was also awarded the NTUC Plaque of Commendation (Gold) Award in 2014, and the Singapore Human Resource Institute presented the company with the Leading HR Practices in Quality Work-Life, Physical & Mental Well-Being Award in 2014 and the Leading HR Practices in Lifelong Learning Award in 2015.
For media enquiries, please contact:
Tan Ping Ping
Prudential Assurance Company Singapore
Tel:
Email: Tan.Ping.Ping@prudential.com.sg

1 The 2016 Prudential Relationship Index involved interviews with 5000 respondents in Cambodia, China, Hong Kong, Indonesia, Malaysia, the Philippines, Singapore, South Korea, Thailand and Vietnam between 13 and 31 July 2016. In Singapore, 500 respondents took part in the study. Ipsos, a leading research firm, conducted the survey.

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The 2016 Prudential Relationship Index reveals the impact of technology on relationships in Singapore

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Prudential Singapore launches social activation to encourage real connections and conversations Singapore, 14 December, 2016 - Stop hiding behind the screen and start listening to what your friends and family have to say.

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Seniors like Madam Koh, who has been living alone for more than a decade, are having fewer social interactions as the COVID-19 situation persists. Organisations are stepping in to help the elderly like her.

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SINGAPORE: Organisations that provide care and support for the elderly are stepping up outreach efforts to prevent loneliness and heightened isolation among old folks during tighter safe distancing measures put in place during the COVID-19 pandemic.

To protect seniors - a vulnerable group at a higher risk of getting a severe infection - activities for them were already suspended earlier in March.

With further distancing measures in place, the lack of social interaction and physical activity could have a negative impact on the mental and physical health of vulnerable elderly populations, said Dr Chris Tsoi a senior consultant from the department of psychological medicine at the National University Hospital (NUH).

Madam Koh lives alone and has already seen reduced social interactions over the past few weeks.

"No, no I don't go out. I buy vegetables and then I come home," the 82-year-old said of her current daily routine.

She has been living alone for more than a decade.

Speaking in Parliament on Monday (Apr 6), Minister for Social and Family Development Desmond Lee highlighted how the Silver Generation Office reaches out to vulnerable seniors such as those living alone or those who are frail.

"Since last month, Silver Generation Ambassadors have started visiting these seniors in their homes to communicate COVID-19 precautionary measures, such as hygiene tips and social distancing," Mr Lee said in response to a question on how vulnerable people are being helped during the pandemic.

"They also identify seniors who require additional assistance during this period, and link them up with the appropriate social service agencies and service providers to ensure that their needs are met," he said.

Home visits by non-governmental organisations (NGOs) or healthcare teams are also useful, Dr Tsoi suggested.

Organisations like Lions Befrienders, whose aim is to provide care and friendship for seniors like Madam Koh, have stepped in.

Lions Befrienders took measures to suspend social activities at its centres in February, affecting more than 6,000 seniors from their network.

Before the outbreak, Madam Koh used to visit the Lions Befrienders' branch near her home, where she would meet fellow seniors.

"Five days, sometimes six. I stay there between 9am and 5pm before I go home. Now that the centre is closed I sit at home, lah," she exclaimed.

But these safe distancing measures are necessary.

"Even though it may impact the seniors' social interaction, it is a necessary move to protect them," Lions Befrienders said.

With social interactions minimised, staff and volunteers at Lions Befrienders have adapted by calling to check in on seniors at risk of social isolation. Sometimes, these conversations go on longer than usual just to keep the elderly company.

Short home visits are now mainly done for medium or high-risk seniors, meaning those who are home-bound, senior caregivers and potential suicide or abuse cases.

The Singapore Red Cross will also be providing customised care packages and psycho-social support calls for seniors living alone.

"Volunteers are pressing on with fortnightly home visits and weekly befriending calls to the seniors, the Red Cross said in a news release, noting that safety measures for those helping out are in place too.

"These are extraordinarily trying times. It is critical that we intensify our efforts to uplift the most vulnerable in our community, who are amongst the hardest hit," said Mr Benjamin William, secretary general and CEO of the Singapore Red Cross.

There have been calls by Members of Parliament (MPs) to resume activities for seniors, but this will likely not take place any time soon.

"I am afraid it will be a while longer before we do that, to protect the seniors. Seniors are of particular concern to us," Health Minister Mr Gan Kim Yong said in Parliament in March.

Dr Tsoi also cautioned that it is important to take steps now before the potential consequences from isolation develop.

"Researchers have found that chronic loneliness is associated with a greater risk of heart disease, dementia, depression, and anxiety. It's also associated with a shorter life span. Being lonely raises mortality more than obesity or sedentary living does."

In the end, humans are social beings, Dr Tsoi pointed out.

"We should continue to let (isolated seniors) know they are loved and cared, so that they do not necessarily feel lonely even when they are staying alone."

He added new technologies like teleconferencing can help - a solution that Lions Befrienders agrees with.

Equipping the elderly at risk with basic tools like mobile phones and WiFi can help them be digitally-savvy and lead a more independent and empowered life, Lions Befrienders said.

Some elderly are also being roped in - with their safety in mind - to help with national efforts to tackle the coronavirus.

RSVP Singapore, a volunteer group comprising of seniors, said their volunteers were involved in a nationwide initiative to distribute hand sanitisers to the public and to pack essentials like masks for frontline transport workers.

"We have received much positive feedback from our volunteers, who have enjoyed their volunteering sessions," the chairman of RSVP Singapore, Mr Koh Juay Meng, PBM said.

Madam Koh too has learned other ways to cope with the heightened isolation by talking to her friends over the phone, singing and watching television.

"I watch the Chinese channel, the (Tamil) channel, the Malay channel. I watch them all now," she laughed.

When asked if she wanted to meet her friends, Madam Koh immediately exclaimed: " Tak mau, tak mau," a Malay phrase to express reluctance.

"Whether I like it or not, where can I go? If I go out, I might fall sick," she said. "Cannot. Tak mau."

It is not all bleak, however. Most seniors are understanding, Dr Tsoi said.

"For them, avoiding infection by the virus would be more important. They are usually more considerate and don't want to be burdening others.

"For the majority of the healthy group, their resilience in character has been well-built as they age."

Download our app or subscribe to our Telegram channel for the latest updates on the coronavirus outbreak: https://cna.asia/telegram

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COVID-19: Ensuring the elderly don't become isolated during the outbreak

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Seniors like Madam Koh, who has been living alone for more than a decade, are having fewer social interactions as the COVID-19 situation persists. Organisations are stepping in to help the elderly like her.

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SINGAPORE: Her one-room flat was a cluttered mess, and Madam Helen Fernandez herself never seemed to bathe, said her neighbours who always saw her in the same set of clothes.

When case workers first visited the unkempt and confused elderly widow, they had to rush her to hospital for very high blood pressure - which resulted because she hadn't been taking her medication and had been missing doctors' appointments.

Since her husband died 17 years ago, Mdm Fernandez had been living alone with no friends or family - and slowly falling prey to loneliness and dementia.

There were times when she'd even call up the police just to talk. It was how her case got referred to the Social Service Office, and then to case worker Ahmala Rajoo in 2015.

"She was receiving financial assistance, about S$500 a month," said Ms Ahmala, a care executive with NTUC Health Cluster Support in Bukit Merah. "But she wasn't managing it. She was always left with nothing, and she could never tell what happened to her money."

But the neatly-groomed Mdm Fernandez you meet today almost doesn't seem the same person. At 78, she is chatty, cheery and cheeky, and greets every visitor with a delighted "come in!"

"They want to put me in home, you know, old age home... I said, don't want! Put me there for what? I won't see anybody," she said.

The walls of her newly-repainted, now-clean flat are plastered with photos and cards from friends. She has blossomed under the care of Ms Ahmala, meal delivery services, befrienders from volunteer group Helping Joy, NTUC Health Care@home services, and the Senior Activity Centre in her block.

"Her memory has worsened. But thankfully with the community support, she's more active than before," said Ms Ahmala.

"I don't think she grasps that I am a social worker. To her, I'm probably like a friend that is helping her out."
WATCH: The transformation of a lonely widow's life (5:10) THE DANGERS OF ISOLATION
Singapore's elderly poor are not short of assistance schemes by the State to meet their material needs: From heavy medical subsidies and food vouchers, to long-term financial assistance, and even rental waivers for those on Public Assistance.

But the greater problem for many of them - especially those like Helen who are unable to work and homebound due to disability, failing health or mental illness - is social isolation.

Because of the stigma against mental illness especially, many of such elderly folks in Singapore are "forgotten by society" with people going out of the way to avoid them, said Mr Ng Koon Sing, head of COMNET Senior Services under AMKFSC Community Services.

This isolation from the outside world feeds depression and suicidal tendencies, aggravates mental conditions, and worsens their physical health.

In Singapore, elderly suicides have been creeping up, from 95 cases in 2010 to 126 cases in 2014. Said Ms Ahmala of her elderly clients:

Most of them will tell you that they're just waiting to die. And they will tell you that there's nothing else to look forward to.

And they can pass under the radar, until a neighbour, or a visit to hospital, or door-to-door outreach by social workers brings their plight to light.

Volunteers and community workers report finding some living in squalor, with cockroaches and bed-bugs, sleeping on the floor, and in poor physical or mental health because they have been neglecting their medication.
WATCH: The shocking condition of one elderly man's flat, before volunteers gave it a makeover
But thankfully for these whom the rest of society has forgotten, there is a growing community network striving to ensure they find some measure of well-being and companionship in their final years.

It's an extensive web made up of welfare groups, charities, hospitals, and operators (like NTUC Health) of Senior Cluster Networks initiated by the Ministry of Social and Family Development.
THE ONLY ONES AT HIS FUNERAL
Take Mr Jesmond Oh, a nurse who doesn't spend his days in the hospital, but visiting the homes of his elderly wards.

One of them was an underweight, 60-year-old former security guard who was frequently falling down because his toes had been amputated due to his poorly-managed diabetes.

When Mr Oh's care team at Tan Tock Seng Hospital's (TTSH) Department of Continuing and Community Care took up his case and began visiting him at home to monitor his condition, Mr Oh said: "Initially, he didn't listen to us. He kept taking his medicine his own way."

His house was a mess. When we cleared his mattress, we found three cockroaches, scissors, medication all over the place, insulin injections on the bed as well. He'd just lie down on these.

The man was also depressed. At one stage, he told them: "If I jump down, all of you don't need to come already." Alarmed, the doctors had him brought in for psychiatric evaluation. Mr Oh recalled: "He was traumatised and decided, 'I will not play this type of joke anymore.' After that, he was very good and compliant with us."

That rocky start evolved into a close friendship over six months.

One of the first things the team did was to arrange for meal deliveries, so that he would get the proper nutrition. His neighbours had been packing meals for him - but it was "all this unhealthy food that made his (diabetic) condition even worse," said Mr Oh. "And he'd had to pay them 'tips'. It was quite upsetting that they were making use of him."

The team also called in a housekeeping service, arranged for escorts to his medical appointments, got someone to help him daily with his wound dressings, and a community social worker who visited him daily.

One evening after work, Mr Oh's phone rang. It was the police. They told him that the man had been found dead at home; he'd fallen and hit his head. "They called me because my number was one of the last few that he'd dialed on his mobile phone," said the nurse.

The man had never spoken of any next of kin, so his body stayed in the mortuary for 21 days while notices were posted in the newspapers.

Apparently, no one responded. So the few of us - the medical team, social worker and myself - were the only ones at his funeral wake.

BRINGING THEM A REASON TO CARE ABOUT LIFE
Sadness and loss is a part of the job, but what keeps Mr Oh going is the hope that "towards the end, I've actually touched them and helped them to achieve a better quality of life at home".

Like Madam Ong Ah Hiong, 89, a widow who has survived the deaths of her husband, all three children and her siblings.

She had gone to TTSH's A&E department with very high blood pressure in January this year. The doctors there assessed that she was at high risk of falling, and since she was living alone and had a history of depression, referred her to Mr Oh's community care team.

Every visit, he banters with her while going through the basic health checks, where necessary calling up the doctor for a consultation.

Said Mdm Ong: "My heart tells me he cares for me. You can't imagine how happy I am with all of you visiting me."
WATCH: A special friendship (4:31)
If not for such services and home visits, many of the elderly poor would tend to neglect their health, to the point where they keep being hospitalised.

Ms Jess Ho, principal social worker for NTUC Health Cluster Support at Bukit Merah, said: "Some seniors refuse to take their medication, especially when there are more than five types. They find it so disheartening, sometimes they give up altogether. They feel that life is short, 'I don't want to go through this in my final years, taking all this medicine'."

And then there's the cost of transport just to keep a doctors' appointment, or of getting the proper nutrition. Said Mr Oh:

The elderly poor are prioritising their basic needs over their health. They will say that they can't even afford three meals a day.

"The worst case I met, he's surviving on S$2 chicken rice a day and S$1 mineral water. The rest of the day he will just eat biscuits."

This is why the TTSH team works with the Social Service Offices to get their patients any assistance they might need, including something as basic as a running water and electricity supply.

NTUC Health's cluster networks too work closely with hospitals, the various agencies and community groups, to "co-manage" their senior patients' well-being holistically. From 2013 to 2016, they have reached out to more than 4,800 seniors in the Taman Jurong and Bukit Merah regions alone.

Ms Ho said: "Some need to be motivated, they need meaning because they're all alone. We need to get them to know it's worthwhile taking care of themselves."
POVERTY ISN'T JUST THE LACK OF MONEY
Indeed, it is common to think of poverty as referring to material or financial resources. But researchers say that the lack of social contact can be just as impoverishing.

Assistant Professor Ng Kok Hoe of the Lee Kuan Yew School of Public Policy referred to a study done across four continents, where focus groups of the elderly were asked what they needed in life. Social participation was cited every time.

"It means not feeling like you are left out as a member of society," said Dr Ng. "A decent standard of living means that I want to be a part of society, having access to friends. It doesn't mean I stay home all day and eat to meet my bare nutritional needs."

Just ask hawker's assistant Mr Ong Hock Soon, who has lost touch with his children for years. His fault, he says, as he had a bad temper and he gambled.

The 69-year-old admits that in the emptiness of his flat sometimes, it all becomes too much.

When I go home at night, yes, I will feel lonely. I will cry.

"Then in the morning I wake up, go to work, and I'll be happier. I'm most happy going downstairs (to the Senior Activity Centre) because I've got many friends," he said.

"My greatest regret is my children. I want to say sorry to them. Dad was wrong last time. I hope you will forgive me."
WATCH: Mr Ong's biggest regret (6:08)
Elderly isolation happens for various reasons - apart from family estrangement, it happens when spouses die and the children are no longer around.

But there's also the stress of caring for a sick spouse. "I'm cooped up with my spouse for over 20 years, I don't have any life to myself, no resources and nowhere to turn," is one common scenario that Tsao Foundation senior social worker Wong Yock Leng describes. Such spouses often end up prone to depression.
EVERYONE CAN LEND A HAND
Alleviating the loneliness and stress is what volunteer group Happy People Helping People Foundation is all about. Apart from organising food vouchers and ration packs for their clients, who are elderly cardboard collectors, the group also holds get-togethers and outings to places like the zoo.

It might sound tacky, said volunteer Ms Nurasyikin Amir, but the outings are "what they look forward to the most. When we are distributing rations, they will ask us when is the next outing?".

When we first met them, they were very quiet and reserved. Now, they make friends more, and they look out for each other, which I think is very important.

Perhaps more importantly, what the vulnerable elderly need are for others - and not just the community groups - to keep an eye out for them.

NTUC Health's Ms Ahmala, for instance, is kept busy handling 28 active cases concurrently, which can run the gamut from hoarders to the suicidal to the terminally ill. So it helps when neighbours step up to report someone they think might need help - and some actually help to shoulder the burden of caring for their fellow residents.

Said Ms Jess Ho: "They do visits and they are like our eyes and ears. Today (this neighbour) is not doing well, he is not eating, then they would call my case worker to drop by."

As Ms Nurasykin put it, the hope is that more will replicate the Happy People model in their own neighbourhoods. "If everyone just helps their neighbour ... like what our tagline says, not everyone can do everything, but everyone can do something."
Read part 1: The faces and insecurities of Singapore's elderly working poor This is part of a CNA Insider series exploring the issues of elderly poverty in Vietnam, South Korea, Singapore and Myanmar. Watch and read the entire series here.

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Lonely and 'waiting to die', Singapore's elderly poor find hope in many helping hands

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SINGAPORE: Her one-room flat was a cluttered mess, and Madam Helen Fernandez herself never seemed to bathe, said her neighbours who always saw her in the same set of clothes. When case workers first visited the unkempt and confused elderly widow, they had to rush her to hospital for very high blood pressure - which resulted because she hadn't been taking her medication and had been missing doctors' appointments.

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Internet love scams have increased in the first three months this year compared to 2019

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SINGAPORE - The number of Internet love scams increased in the first three months of the year although the total amount of money stolen fell. Read more at straitstimes.com.

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Humans are more connected to each other than ever, thanks to smartphones, the web and social media. At the same time, loneliness is a huge and growing social problem.

Why is this so? Research shows social media use alone can't cure loneliness - but it can be a tool to build and strengthen our genuine connections with others, which are important for a happy life.

To understand why this is the case, we need to understand more about loneliness, its harmful impact, and what this has to do with social media.

The scale of loneliness

There is great concern about a loneliness epidemic in Australia. In the 2018 Australian Loneliness Report, more than one-quarter of survey participants reported feeling lonely three or more days a week.

Studies have linked loneliness to early mortality, increased cardio-vascular disease, poor mental health and depression, suicide, and increased social and health care costs.

But how does this relate to social media?
Read more: How to be a healthy user of social media
More and more Australians are becoming physically isolated. My previous research demonstrated that face-to-face contact in Australia is declining, and this is accompanied by a rise in technology-enabled communication.

Enter social media, which for many is serving as a replacement for physical connection. Social media influences nearly all relationships now.

Navigating the physical/digital interface

While there is evidence of more loneliness among heavy social media users, there is also evidence suggesting social media use decreases loneliness among highly social people.

How do we explain such apparent contradictions, wherein both the most and least lonely people are heavy social media users?

Research reveals social media is most effective in tackling loneliness when it is used to enhance existing relationships, or forge new meaningful connections. On the other hand, it is counterproductive if used as a substitute for real-life social interaction.

Thus, it is not social media itself, but the way we integrate it into our existing lives which impacts loneliness.

I wandered lonely in The Cloud

While social media's implications for loneliness can be positive, they can also be contradictory.

Tech-industry enthusiasts highlight social media's benefits, such as how it offers easy, algorithimically-enhanced connection to anyone, anywhere in the world, at any time. But this argument often ignores the quality of these connections.

Psychologist Robert Weiss makes a distinction between "social loneliness" - a lack of contact with others - and "emotional loneliness", which can persist regardless of how many "connections" you have, especially if they do not provide support, affirm identity and create feelings of belonging.
Read more: A month at sea with no technology taught me how to steal my life back from my phone
Without close, physical connections, shallow virtual friendships can do little to alleviate emotional loneliness. And there is reason to think many online connections are just that.

Evidence from past literature has associated heavy social media use with increased loneliness. This may be because online spaces are often oriented to performance, status, exaggerating favourable qualities (such as by posting only "happy" content and likes), and frowning on expressions of loneliness.

On the other hand, social media plays a vital role in helping us stay connected with friends over long distances, and organise catch-ups. Video conferencing can facilitate "meetings" when physically meeting is impractical.

Platforms like Facebook and Instagram can be used to engage with new people who may turn into real friends later on. Similarly, sites like Meetup can help us find local groups of people whose interests and activities align with our own.

And while face-to-face contact remains the best way to help reduce loneliness, help can sometimes be found through online support groups.

Why so lonely?

There are several likely reasons for our great physical disconnection and loneliness.

We've replaced the 20th century idea of stable, permanent careers spanning decades with flexible employment and gig work. This prompts regular relocation for work, which results in disconnection from family and friends.

The way we build McMansions (large, multi-room houses) and sprawl our suburbs is often antisocial, with little thought given to developing vibrant, walkable social centres.
Read more: Size does matter: Australia's addiction to big houses is blowing the energy budget
Single-person households are expected to increase from about 2.1 million in 2011 to almost 3.4 million in 2036.

All of the above means the way we manage loneliness is changing.

In our book, my co-authors and I argue people manage their feelings differently than in the past. Living far from friends and family, isolated individuals often deal with negative emotions alone, through therapy, or through connecting online with whoever may be available.

Social media use is pervasive, so the least we can do is bend it in a way that facilitates our real-life need to belong.

It is a tool that should work for us, not the other way around. Perhaps, once we achieve this, we can expect to live in a world that is a bit less lonely.

Roger Patulny, Associate Professor of Sociology, University of Wollongong

This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.

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2020: Does social media make us more or less lonely? Depends on how you use it - University of Wollongong - UOW

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Humans are more connected to each other than ever, thanks to smartphones, the web and social media. At the same time, loneliness is a huge and growing social problem. Why is this so? Research shows social media use alone can't cure loneliness - but it can be a tool to build and strengthen our genuine connections with others, which are important for a happy life.

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Along with the risk of coronavirus infection comes the risk of social isolation, says an observer.

(Updated: )

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CHARLOTTESVILLE, Virginia: As the numbers climb for those infected with the novel coronavirus, the dangers rise for vulnerable populations.

People who are older or with underlying medical conditions risk the severest consequences, including organ failure and death.

The latest data from China indicates the great majority of reported cases were in older people; elders also had the highest risk of respiratory illness and death.

Should the spread of COVID-19 continue - and every indication suggests it will - people must make sure they are protected.

I am a geriatrician, and so far, the disease is not present at my hospital or clinic. But our staff is already making preparations to minimise COVID-19's impact, particularly on the people imperiled the most.

Along with other hospitals across the country, we stay informed on local and national recommendations for screening, testing and protective equipment. We make sure staff and patients know about proper hand hygiene.
WAYS TO REDUCE EXPOSURE
We take extra steps to keep the facility clean, like removing magazines from the waiting rooms and implementing a "you-touch-it-you-take-it" policy for flyers and brochures. And we encourage all of our patients to call a doctor if they develop a fever or new respiratory symptoms.

Most of all, we are doing our best to get the right information out to the community, particularly the elderly.

For those most at risk for severe infection: Do everything you can to reduce exposure to the virus.

Keep space between you and anyone who is sick. Avoid crowds. Limit your time in public by consolidating trips to get supplies.

When out, try to keep a distance from others. Wash your hands often. And if a COVID-19 outbreak occurs in your community, stay home as much as possible.

1. LEARN THE TECHNOLOGY
As geriatricians, we promote the benefits of social engagement to our patients; we remind them of the poor health outcomes associated with social isolation.

Now, with COVID-19, the times have changed. But along with the risk of coronavirus infection comes the risk of social isolation. How should older people balance these competing recommendations? During a time of social distancing, here are four ways for elders to stay socially connected.

FaceTime, Zoom, Skype, Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat and lots more. All sorts of online options exist to talk with family and friends.
2. STAY ACTIVE IN YOUR COMMUNITY
And you don't have to be tech-savvy. Doing the basics is easy, and for most people, fun.

If setting up an account is daunting, ask a neighbor, niece or nephew for help and a quick tutorial.

It may sound counter-intuitive. How can you remain a part of the community if the goal is to separate from the community?
3. GO ON A NEWS DIET
But maybe there's a remote option. Many organisations - political parties, faith-based groups, nonprofits - rely on volunteers to make phone calls.

You can do that clearly community-based activity right at home.

Stay informed, know what's going on but don't get locked into endlessly watching "breaking news" on the 24-hour news channels.

4. REACH OUT TO FAMILY AND FRIENDS
Typically, not much changes hour to hour. But enduring the repetitious pummeling from TV all day long can bring needless anxiety.

My patients have found the following advice helpful: Watch a news update in the morning, then check in again at night. Don't stay with it all evening - 30 minutes or an hour is plenty.

Stay in touch with the people close to you, especially those who are social distancing too. The US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention is recommending that communities create "buddy systems" to make sure vulnerable and hard-to-reach people stay connected, particularly to news about COVID-19.

This can be done through your church, social group or daily neighborhood email blasts.

And for those of you who are not elderly - why not make it a point to check in on your older friends and relatives? Such thoughtfulness is always greatly appreciated.
Laurie Archbald-Pannone is a physician specialising in geriatric medicine and an associate professor of medicine at the University of Virginia. This commentary first appeared on The Conversation.
Social distancing does not mean social isolation, and even a potentially deadly virus should not force us to be alone. Now, more than ever, people need to find smart ways to stay connected.

Download our app or subscribe to our Telegram channel for the latest updates on the coronavirus outbreak: https://cna.asia/telegram

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Commentary: Four ways seniors can stay connected during COVID-19

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Along with the risk of coronavirus infection comes the risk of social isolation, says an observer. (Updated: ) Share this content CHARLOTTESVILLE, Virginia: As the numbers climb for those infected with the novel coronavirus, the dangers rise for vulnerable populations. People who are older or with underlying medical conditions risk the severest consequences, including organ failure and death.

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Romance scams have soared as more people turn to online dating but victims are ashamed to get help so banks and online dating platforms can help, says Claer Barret.

(Updated: )

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LONDON: Several years after her husband died, Tina felt ready to move on with her life. Encouraged by her friends, she joined an online dating site for the over-50s, and was approached by Andrew.

A handsome widower with silver hair and a broad smile, he said had lost his wife at around the same time. They formed a close bond and were soon exchanging phone messages every day, swapping photos of their families and making plans to meet when he returned from working overseas.

The connection felt real - but the photos were stolen, used to create a fake profile. Tina was not only heartbroken, but financially broken - over the course of their online relationship, she'd been persuaded to lend "Andrew" more than £80,000 (US$111,300).

The ugly truth is that romance scams have soared during the pandemic as millions of lonely people turn to online dating, perhaps for the first time.
A HEARTLESS CRIME
Romance fraud increased by 38 per cent in 2020, according to the latest data from banking trade body UK Finance, with nearly 3,000 reported cases. Over £21m was lost to scammers, a 17 per cent year-on-year increase, with the average loss per victim topping £7,000.

Experts believe this is the tip of the iceberg. Many scams go unreported as the shame of falling victim is so great, and the chances of getting your money back so low.

Criminals and their victims are often in different continents, but the ease of smartphone messaging using photos and videos lifted from unlocked social media accounts makes this easy to disguise.

Lockdown restrictions have been the perfect excuse for not meeting up IRL (in real life) - previously, working abroad, or being in the armed forces were common reasons.

However, awareness of this heartless crime is being boosted by a spate of documentaries, reality TV shows and films - and there are growing calls for legal reforms and tougher online checks to better protect vulnerable consumers.

Tina's story was featured on the BBC series this week. Over-55s clearly offer rich pickings for criminals as they're more likely to have pensions and property assets to be plundered.

However, the launch of , a spin-off of the hugely popular US film and reality series, shows people of any age, gender or sexual orientation can be targeted.

Catfishing - luring someone into an online relationship by creating a fake profile - is not in itself a crime. The MTV series (you can watch it via Now TV or Amazon Prime) shows countless examples of women who are tricked into sending intimate photos to seemingly attractive men they've met online.

When tracked down and confronted by the show's presenters, the perpetrators turn out to be nothing like their profile pictures, which have been harvested online.

The first episode of Catfish UK featured Emma, a single parent in Brighton, who had been ghosted by online boyfriend Harlan after she refused requests to lend him money.

A simple reverse image search of his profile picture found photos taken from the real life Facebook account of a naval officer had been used to set up fake profiles on dating sites across Europe, with plenty of victims persuaded into parting with thousands of euros.

As the sums at stake are large, scammers are prepared to invest a lot of time in getting to know their victims and establishing trust. They can exchange messages for months before asking for money, and use elaborate excuses to string them along - for years, in some cases.

UK Finance statistics show the average victim of a romance scam is tapped five times before they realise they've been conned. Distressingly, many of the victims who agree to appear on TV shows still desperately want to believe that their scam relationship is real.

The time elapsed makes it harder to reclaim this money, but more victims who challenge their banks over liability for the losses are now being refunded.

UK banks adopted a voluntary code in 2019 to refund those who fell victim to fraud through no fault of their own. Before this, just 6 per cent of sums lost to romance fraud were ever returned. The latest figure is 38 per cent - a considerable increase.
CAN ONLINE SITES OR BANKS DO MORE?
Unsurprisingly, banks are adamant that online platforms must do more to prevent this type of crime. "We are seeing a worrying rise in online and technology-enabled scams that use digital platforms to target victims directly," says Katy Worobec, head of economic crime at UK Finance, which is urging the government to use the upcoming online safety bill to ensure platforms do more to protect consumers.

"Taking down scam adverts on search engines, removing fake profiles on online dating websites and tackling fraudulent content on social media," are three urgently-needed actions, Worobec says.

As TV documentaries such as Catfish show, performing a "reverse image search" on a profile photo takes seconds, and often reveals multiple dating profiles in different names, and sometimes explicit scam warnings from other victims.

Why shouldn't the online dating sites be obliged to perform these searches to weed out rogue profiles?

Because criminals swiftly move conversations with victims offline, the dating websites say they're not responsible for what happens next - and even as online fraud skyrockets, there was a notable absence of scam warnings on the homepages of those I scrolled through this week.

By contrast, banks are ramping up warning messages (if you transfer payments via a banking app, you will no doubt have noticed). Nationwide requires customers to complete a "payment purpose" screen, with a tailored scam warning to suit.

After I stated that a transfer was for a friend or family member, the app asked: "Been asked to send money to someone you've never met? Talk it over with someone you trust first." Customers must then click "I'm happy to continue" or "stop now".

I am interested to see what impact these warnings will have on either preventing crime, or, sadly, more likely, on reducing banks' compensation payments.

Meanwhile, far greater sums are lost to investment fraud - £135m last year. I note that Nationwide's app now has a direct link to the FCA's "scam warning" list and urges customers to check it before proceeding with any investment transfer.

But will they? The Financial Conduct Authority launched a consultation on high-risk investments this week, stating that tick box risk warnings were "perceived as white noise to many investors and often do not convey the genuine possibility of an investment loss".

Heartless souls might think the victims of romance fraud are foolish, but I think baring their souls on TV is brave and a more effective deterrent than any warning message.

If you or anyone you know has recently started online dating, urge them to watch any of the shows mentioned - or the brilliant Netflix film , which conveys the same message in an artier format.

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Commentary: The pandemic has worsened the heartless crime of being conned for love

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Romance scams have soared as more people turn to online dating but victims are ashamed to get help so banks and online dating platforms can help, says Claer Barret. (Updated: ) Share this content LONDON: Several years after her husband died, Tina felt ready to move on with her life.

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Finding and maintaining love - how technology has brought these couples closer

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Staying connected to the love of your life doesn't have to be compromised by distance as these two couples show. In partnership with Singtel.

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Can Instagram ease the loneliness of being old in Singapore?

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At 79, she's got cancer and is all alone. He's 80 and can't connect with his granddaughters. Enter the Yusman twins of Instagram fame, to help them tell their stories to the world and feel less lonely. More on the series #DontForgetMe here, about helping the elderly bridge the digital divide.

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Concerns about from the past few years have highlighted myriad health risks associated with loneliness, even before COVID-19 turned the loneliness have been mounting for some time, with media reports detailing a 'loneliness epidemic' on the rise in wealthy countries. world upside down-and consequently, due to global lockdowns, loneliness has become a topical issue. So, how bad are things going to get? And, more importantly, what can we do to prevent it?

Social isolation and/or being alone are often conflated with loneliness, but the differences are important in understanding how and why we feel lonely. Julie Barnett, professor of health psychology at the University of Bath, UK, explains: "Social isolation means having few-or even no people around you. Sometimes social isolation can be positive." It can, however, contribute to loneliness, which Barnett describes as "a subjective and negative evaluation related to the lack or loss of the presence and companionship of other people. So it is possible to be with lots of other people, and be lonely." Ultimately, no one is immune to loneliness.

Often seen as a condition that mostly impacts the elderly, studies in various wealthy countries (which make up much of the research on loneliness) including , Japan , New Zealand , and the US , highlight that it's in fact young adults, generally between the ages of 16 to 24, who report feeling lonely the most.

"So it is possible to be with lots of other people, and be lonely"

Barnett suggests: "One possible explanation is that young people have higher expectations of social connection and might value it more. Also the social networks of younger people can be less stable-[youth] is a time of physical change as well as a time of transitions around school, employment, moving away from home. It can also be a time when it is difficult to find a balance between being an independent individual and having a need to belong."

The long-term risks of loneliness

Takahiro A Kato, an associate professor in the department of neuropsychiatry at Kyushu University Hospital in Fukuoka, Japan, studies , in which hikikomori-a phenomenon observed largely in Japan, although it has been documented in other east Asian countries, as well as Spain and Oman adolescents and young adults withdraw from society and become recluses in their parents' homes over a period of at least six months, unable to work, go to school or social events.

Kato believes that modern society has created an environment "in which people tend to withdraw easily." While the cause of withdrawal isn't always clear, Kato hypothesises it stems from psychological factors including shame (for example, from a public situation), OCD, social anxiety, PTSD and depression, which can all lead to social avoidance, physical isolation, loneliness, and ultimately suicide.

According to studies, loneliness has been found to be a predictor of suicide risk in young adults. The long-term risks of loneliness are equally concerning. A 2015 from Brigham Young University, London, warned of a possible loneliness epidemic by 2030. It found both social isolation and loneliness were associated with unhealthy habits such as smoking, poor sleep and physical inactivity, as well as poorer immune function, and concluded it carried a comparable risk to things such as obesity and substance abuse. Meanwhile, substantial evidence indicated those who lacked social connections were at risk of premature mortality. Loneliness as a significant risk factor for depressive symptoms was confirmed in a separate 2006 .

Amid pandemic lockdowns and experts' fears of a 'social recession', the press has been eager to highlight the topic. But where exactly do we stand with loneliness in the time of COVID-19? "We have known for a while that loneliness can lead to both physical and mental health problems. And we also know that for many, social isolation has led to loneliness-so in this way, we can expect that there will be long-term health impacts of these increased levels of loneliness," says Barnett. However, the long-term physical and psychological effects of isolation during lockdown are still not fully known.

Lessons from the lockdown

Madeleine, 32, is a writer from New Zealand who found her experience of loneliness during lockdown at odds with what the media projected. She explains: "I'm actually used to being more alone in regular times compared to lockdown because I work from home." She then found herself at home 24/7 with her housemate and remembers "feeling a little bit overstimulated and distracted during lockdown with [my housemate] Tess here, compared to usual." Unsure if she felt truly lonely or simply missed those closest to her, including her sisters, nephews, and niece, she discovered that she was actually more social with certain friends than before, thanks to video calling.

It's an observation that both Kato and Barnett acknowledge was true for some hikikomori (which describes both the phenomenon and the people who experience it) and chronically lonely people-that their symptoms eased during lockdown. Barnett considers if it was due to increased contact with aid workers, while Kato posits that hikikomori felt less guilt during lockdown, since instead of being sole recluses, everybody else was encouraged to self-isolate as well.

However, for others, the downsides of lockdown were as predicted. Caroline, 34, an Australian working as a communications consultant in London, describes how living in a different country means her support network locally wasn't big to start with. "I relied heavily on interaction with work friends and colleagues as one of my main forms of socialising. So when lockdown hit, I definitely had periods where I felt quite lonely. One of the positives is that it has strengthened existing friendships, but it has also made me realise how far away from home I am," she said. As a result, she's switched to FaceTiming her family instead of having voice calls, and has spoken a lot more with her two grandmothers in Australia, since experiencing loneliness herself has made her aware that they must be feeling quite lonely, too.

Heightened awareness brings hope

Despite bringing the world to a standstill, there are some silver linings to the pandemic. Notably, the heightened attention that loneliness is receiving has brought awareness and is helping to normalise its presence in society; it's even possible that we'll look back on the pandemic as a boon to the potential loneliness epidemic.

Likewise, the power of digital technology, particularly social apps, in fostering connections has been made abundantly clear. Barnett noted "how help, support, and compassion has been facilitated through digital connection" during the pandemic, specifying numerous mutual-aid groups on Facebook and WhatsApp as evidence. Although she does bring up the issue of digital exclusion-people described as 'internet non-users', who have never used the internet or not in the past three months. For this reason, she points out the necessity of considering other technologies that aren't digital, including landline telephones, TV and radio.

"Building meaningful connections between people, reducing the stigma around loneliness, and tailoring approaches to the particular needs of individuals or groups-it is not one size fits all"

The emphasis now is on prevention and treatment. At the onset of the pandemic, the World Health Organization issued a guideline on mental health considerations. Another global initiative with outposts in various countries is Mental Health First Aid , which aims to educate the public on how to help someone developing or experiencing mental illness. Further campaigns targeting loneliness specifically exist nationally, including the UK's Campaign to End Loneliness , and Ending Loneliness Together in Australia.

In terms of practical solutions, Kato suggests adopting a regular sleep rhythm, for example going to bed and rising at the same time each day, and taking up stress-relieving methods other than the internet, including walking, exercise or yoga. He believes that early intervention is a crucial step in ensuring loneliness does not escalate into other mental health conditions, including hikikomori , and that consulting a social worker or psychologist is advisable if one's condition worsens.

Alongside using technology to stay connected through periods of isolation, Barnett suggests: "Building meaningful connections between people, reducing the stigma around loneliness, and tailoring approaches to the particular needs of individuals or groups-it is not one size fits all."
You are not alone. For mental health support in Singapore, visit the Singapore Association for Mental Health. For mental health support in Malaysia, visit the Malaysian Mental Health Association.

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We urgently need to tackle the loneliness epidemic-here's why

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This global public health issue has been gaining traction over the past few years, well before the COVID-19 lockdowns ushered the world indoors. Here, Vogue examines how loneliness affects health, why we need to talk about it more and the positive steps to preventing it.

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Newcomers to the internet are often excluded in an overwhelmingly digital age. Now, Singapore has solution for bridging this divide: Intergenerational IT bootcamps.

The bootcamp program was developed as part of the Infocomm Development Authority of Singapore (IDA) Silver Infocomm Initiative, which promotes IT awareness and literacy among the elderly. But beyond learning, the program was also about encouraging seniors to foster bonds with the young, by being engaged digitally.

The simple idea behind these bootcamps was to tap into the natural skills of Singapore's young digital natives and pair them with those from the baby boom-generation who may not have been exposed to information technology.

So far, there have been 145 bootcamps with over 3,000 senior participants through the joint efforts of IDA, grassroots organizations and schools around the island nation.

The basics were taught to seniors, such as how to use a Windows 7 computer and a mouse, as well as type on a keyboard, but it did not end there. From online banking to accessing government portals, these senior students were shown how technology could easily enrich their lives.

'Certain things that were cutting-edge have become normal or even essential in a very short space of time," said Dr Janil Puthucheary, Minister of State at the Ministry of Communications and Information and the Ministry of Education, in a CNBC interview.

"Digital inclusion is about ensuring that everyone has access to things like online information, online entertainment and online services," said Puthucheary.

The benefits of going digital are numerous, but from a societal perspective, getting senior citizens online can also help them improve interpersonal communication and relationships with their family, according to IDA.

The North East Eldersurf Intergen Bootcamp was the latest exercise in this initiative and involved ten-year olds partnered with seniors in their 60s and 70s, guiding them through five three-hour IT workshops.

One of the senior participants, Tan Chew Seng, told CNBC that he had been looking for a way to learn how to use the computer. He was recently retrenched and recognized the need to improve his employability.

Tan shared that another motive for learning IT skills was to refer to government websites and "find out if my retrenchment package was fair and according to the government's regulations."

Some of the favorite lessons for the elderly students included learning how to access on-demand entertainment to stream their favorite television programs or compare grocery prices of supermarkets online, said 10-year-old students and cyberguides Sakinah Banu and Kytiqa Hariana.

The intergenerational bootcamps are not just about the old learning from the young, but vice versa as well.

"The young can learn that there are things that come very easily to them, which may be difficult for their seniors, and that it's not actually very hard to teach the elderly new skills," said Puthucheary.

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Singapore bridges digital divide with IT bootcamps

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Newcomers to the internet are often excluded in an overwhelmingly digital age. Now, Singapore has solution for bridging this divide: Intergenerational IT bootcamps. The bootcamp program was developed as part of the Infocomm Development Authority of Singapore (IDA) Silver Infocomm Initiative, which promotes IT awareness and literacy among the elderly.