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Healthy, functional relationships between children and their parents (or other caregivers) are characterized by the following. Increasing the presence of these characteristics in your relationships is a great way to improve commitment, communications, cooperation and consideration, and reduce stress and conflict as well!

Proactivity:

The ability to recognize and, whenever possible, accommodate the child's need for unconditional love and acceptance, safety, belonging, success, limits, fun, recognition and control (power), without allowing anyone else's needs to be violated. Anticipating; doing before (there is a problem); letting the child know limits or conditions ahead of time. Alternative to reactivity.

Win-win:

The ability to get one's needs met without violating anyone else, particularly with regard to empowering a child without disempowering oneself. The ability to resolve and prevent conflict by sharing power within an authority relationship. The ability to offer choices within limits to encourage cooperation instead of obedience and people-pleasing. Alternative to win-lose (powering or permissiveness).

Success Orientation:

The ability to help a child succeed by giving clear directions, setting boundaries, offering opportunities to choose and negotiate, requesting age-appropriate behaviors and responses, accommodating individual learning style needs, giving opportunities to self-manage and staying in present time. Alternative to unrealistic expectations, misunderstandings, instruction or environments poorly matched to child's needs, and 'set ups' for failure, passivity or rebelliousness.

Positivity:

The ability to differentiate the child's worth from his or her behavior. The ability to focus on what the child is doing right and building on strengths. The ability to create a reward-oriented environment in which consequences are positive outcomes and privileges that are received or experienced as a result of cooperation. The ability to communicate positively (using promises instead of threats, or reward instead of punishment, for example). The ability to maintain a sense of humor. Alternative to negativity and punitive orientation.

Eliminating
Double Standards:

The ability to interact and communicate with a child in ways that would be
acceptable to an adult. The willingness to maintain consistency between one's own behaviors and those expected of the child. The ability to respond to a child's behavior in similar ways as would be inspired by the same behavior if it were demonstrated by an adult. The willingness to accept the fact that child require meaningful, positive outcomes for their efforts, just as adults do.

Boundaries:

The ability to connect what you want with what the child wants in positive ways. The ability to motivate and reinforce cooperative behavior with outcomes other than adult approval or avoidance of negative adult reactions (shaming, criticism, abandonment). The willingness to withhold positive consequences until the child has held up his end of the bargain. The ability to immediately intervene when a child has violated the conditions or limits of a boundary, avoiding warnings, delayed consequences, punishment, or praise.

Supportiveness:

The ability to respond to a child's problems or feelings with acceptance, support and validation. The willingness to provide outlets for a child's feelings that will allow the child to externalize the feelings (get them out) without hurting himself or others. The ability to help the child seek solutions to problems without enabling, fixing, dismissing or judging the child's problems or feelings. The ability to resist adopting a child's feelings or take responsibility for the solutions to his problems, either directly solving the problems or giving advice or solutions ('shoulds').

Integrity:

The ability to maintain congruence between personal values and behavior. The ability to hear and respond according to inner guidance and personal values. The ability to act within personal value system despite potential or actual criticism from others. The willingness to make decisions based on what is best for a particular child or the family, rather than simply, automatically following tradition or doing what others expect you to do. The ability to withstand judgment, criticism and ridicule if necessary, without becoming defensive, apologetic or reactive.

Responsibility:

The ability to take responsibility for feelings, without attempting to make others responsible. The ability to express feelings in non-hurtful ways. The ability to depersonalize and resolve conflict. The ability to work with administrators, support staff and parents without projecting blame or expecting (or demanding) that they take responsibility for solving problems you may be having with a particular child
or group.

Self-Care:

The ability to identify personal needs and feelings, set boundaries, take time for self, self-validate and get help when necessary. The ability to distinguish between self-care and selfishness. The ability to feel deserving of self-caring behaviors and decisions. The ability to use mistakes and failures as opportunities for new goals, strategies or growth. The ability to utilize support resources while maintaining responsibility for solving one's own problems. The ability to self-forgive

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Healthy Parent-Child Relationships - The Whole Child

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Healthy, functional relationships between children and their parents (or other caregivers) are characterized by the following. Increasing the presence of these characteristics in your relationships is a great way to improve commitment, communications, cooperation and consideration, and reduce stress and conflict as well!

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CT.gov - Connecticut's Official State Website

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Healthy Friendships and Relationships
Different Kinds of Relationships
We see lots of different people every day. Some are closer to us than others. For example, we are usually very close to our family and friends. We talk with them and share our thoughts and feelings. We might not be as close to our neighbors. We might smile or say "hello," but not even know their names.
Here are some of the people we see every day:
Paid Supports: A paid support is someone you pay to provide you with a service (doctors or dentists, grocery clerks, barbers or beauticians, bank tellers, mechanics, etc.). You may know some of these people very well. Others, you may not know at all. As a direct support professional (DSP), you would fit into this category.

Acquaintances: Acquaintances are people that you recognize. You may wave or say "hello" when you see them. You might not know their names. They might be neighbors or people you see at the bus stop.

Group Members: Some people belong to the same clubs or groups as you. These may be people that you see at work or school. You may enjoy doing things with them in the group or at work but not see them otherwise.

Friend: A friend is someone that you like to be with. You enjoy talking to this person and doing things together.

Family: Family includes parents, sisters, brothers, cousins and other relatives. Some people are very close with their family. Some people do not see their family very much.

Close Friendships and Romantic Relationships: Some relationships are very close. Close relationships develop when two people love each other and like to spend time together. You can have close relationships with many people. Some close relationships involve romantic feelings.
Communication and Sharing
The most important part of any healthy friendship or relationship is the ability to talk and listen to one another. Talking and listening helps people to:

Share their common interests

Share their feelings

Learn to listen

Know they are an important part of someone else's life.

Healthy friendships and relationships also mean learning to respect and trust each other.

People respect each other for who they are.

People may disagree with each other. But with respect and trust, they can talk about how they feel and work things out.

People also should respect and trust themselves and their feelings so they can set boundaries and feel comfortable.

How does a person know that they have a healthy friendship with someone else?
Here are some signs that a person can use to know if they have an unhealthy friendship.

The person feels good about themselves when they are with their friend

The person doesn't feel good: their feelings are hurt or they feel sad or upset around their friend

There's an equal amount of "give and take" between the person and their friend

The person and their friend only talk about the friend

The person feels safe around their friend

The person is uncomfortable with what their friend says and does

The person trusts and respects their friend

The person's privacy is not respected

The person wants to spend time with their friend

The person feels like they have to spend time with their friend

The person can be themselves around their friend

The person acts differently around their friend

The person goes to places and does things both people like with their friend

The person only goes to places the friend wants to go

Friends: A Manual for Connecting Persons with Disabilities and Community Members

This manual suggests ways to help people with disabilities to develop friendships and relationships. Amado, A.N., Conklin, F., & Wells, J. (1990) Available from the Minnesota Governor's Planning Council on Developmental Disabilities, 300 Centennial Office Building, 658 Cedar Street, St. Paul, MN 55155, (612) 296-4018

Inclusion.com: A resource of books and videos about inclusion in school, work and comm unity

Healthy Relationships and Safe Sex:
Friendships and Community Connections between People with and without Developmental Disabilities Tips for Self-Advocates

Prepared by Joe Meadours, a self-advocate from Alabama and Executive Director of People First of California, with research and editorial help from Reena Wagle, Ph.D., Human Services Research Institute. 2006. For copies contact the Human Services Research Institute, 7420 S.W. Bridgeport Road, Suite #210, Portland, OR 97224; 503-924-3783; http://www.hsri.org/

Descriptions of successful experiences and principles that help others build relationships through social connections. Edited by Angela Novak Amado and available through Paul H. Brookes Publishing Co., P. O. Box 10624, Baltimore, MD 21285-0624.

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Different Kinds of Relationships We see lots of different people every day. Some are closer to us than others. For example, we are usually very close to our family and friends. We talk with them and share our thoughts and feelings. We might not be as close to our neighbors.

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trust is apart of a healthy friendship because it allows the bond to grow stronger without the worry the other person is going to hurt them or do something hurtful to them

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compromising instead of empowering.

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Respect each other for you who are

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treating your kid with the same respect and manner as you would another adult

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treating your kid with the same respect and manner as you would another adult

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You need to be able to recongnise your kids needs.

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share feelings and interests to have a closer bond with a person

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There has to be trust and respect for one and other to share feelings and thoughts

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supporting your kid in what best fits them, accommodating and focusing on there successes not their downfalls

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Learning to listen or be a better listener makes a relationship healthy because you can really find out what is in the other persons mind and if you are fighting you can know what their point of view is

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letting your kid have space and boundaries between the parent. not making your kid tell you everything and letting them have privacy

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letting your kid have space and boundaries between the parent. not making your kid tell you everything and letting them have privacy

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The willingness to withhold positive consequences until the child has held up his end of the bargain.