# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
» Children’s Speech and Language Therapy

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
We provide an assessment only service for children and young people who are showing possible signs of autism and/or Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). We also support children and young people who are on ADHD medication reviews. Our service covers Bath and North East Somerset (B&NES) and Wiltshire.

# data[].attributes.headline
BANES ND Support with sleep, emotions and anxiety

# data[].attributes.subject
BANES ND Support with sleep, emotions and anxiety

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
» Webinars: The Pathway, Sleep, Emotions and behaviour, Anxiety

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Our services are provided by HCRG Care Services Limited on behalf of Bath and North East Somerset Council and NHS Bath and North East Somerset, Swindon and Wiltshire (BSW) Integrated Care Board (ICB). HCRG Care Group is a limited company registered in England and Wales, number 5466033. Registered office: HCRG Care Group , The Heath Business and Technical Park, Runcorn, Cheshire, WA7 4QX.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
Connecting Families - Leaflet for Families 

# data[].attributes.headline
Specialist Autism Support Service - BANES

# data[].attributes.subject
Specialist Autism Support Service - BANES

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Talking about problems can be hard for children. A child may not have the words to describe how they are feeling, or why they are behaving as they do. A child may not be able to recognise what they find difficult, or explain it to someone if asked.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
The first step for a parent or teacher to help a child, is to learn the basics of dyslexia and the most common signs.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
Why Autism is a Difference, not a Deficit

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
Mentoring services for Young People | Mentoring Plus

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
We offer a range of mentoring services for young people age 5-25. Explore our services and see if we could help a young person today

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
Special Educational Need or Disability (SEND) Rainbow Resource

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Rainbow Resource is Bath and North East Somerset's SEND Local Offer. It provides children and young people (aged up to 25) with special educational needs and disabilities (SEND) and their families with information to help them find the right help and support. To find out more, please watch our short video below.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
Use this page to learn about and download our Inclusion and SEND Commitment - B&NES' Ordinarily Available Provision. It offers guidance on expectations and provisions for every child and young person, including those with special educational needs or disabilities (SEND). It provides a shared framework for education settings and was developed collaboratively with multiple partnerships from health, education, parents and carers.

The Inclusion and SEND Commitment: B&NES' Ordinarily Available Provision (OAP) aims to:

enable professionals to deliver equitable, consistent practice and provision for all children and young people (CYP), including those with special educational needs or disabilities (SEND), across all schools in B&NES (primary and secondary)

offer clear expectations of what can reasonably be expected from education settings supporting CYP with SEND: helping professionals, CYP, and parent/carers to determine whether sufficient, relevant, and purposeful action has been taken

support settings to implement robust systems and processes, including a wider Graduated Response and a personalised Graduated Approach

help the Local Authority and settings meet their statutory duties in identifying and supporting CYP with SEND

provide clarity and transparency for monitoring and reviewing provision, both at whole‑setting level and for individual CYP

Overview

Section A: Expectations for all Settings: overarching expectations and responsibilities for all settings

Section B: Information on the wider Graduated Response and the personalised Graduated Approach: Assess, Plan, Do, Review cycle

Section C: Universal and SEND Support strategies, advice, recommendations and resources across all four areas of need (Communication & Interaction; Cognition & Learning; Social, Emotional, Mental Health. Sensory and/or Physical)

Section D: Appendices, Forms and Additional Resources

View or download the whole guide by clicking the image below.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
Inclusion and SEND Commitment: Ordinarily Available Provision | Bath and North East Somerset Council

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Learn about our Inclusion and SEND Commitment for B&NES’ Ordinarily Available Provision

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
Supporting children and young people with special educational needs and disabilities (SEND) | sendbathnes.gov.uk

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
We offer free, impartial and confidential information, advice and support to children and young people between the ages of 0 to 25 with special educational needs and disabilities (SEND) and their parents/carers.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
What is an Education, Health and Care plan?

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
Request an EHC needs assessment | Live Well in Bath & North East Somerset

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Use this page to find out how to ask for an EHC needs assessment, how we make a decision and what happens next.If your child is getting help in education through SEND support and isn’t making progress, you can ask us to carry out an Education, Health and Care (EHC) needs assessment.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
You can appeal to the SEND Tribunal against certain decisions made by the local authority (LA) about a child’s or young person’s EHC needs assessment or EHC plan.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
Definition & Diagnosis

The definition commonly relied on is set out by the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. These criteria are presented in shortened form and are for information only. Diagnosis can only be done by a medical professional.

Inattention

Six or more symptoms of inattention for children up to age 16 years, or five or more for adolescents age 17 years and older and adults; symptoms of inattention have been present for at least 6 months, and they are inappropriate for developmental level:

Often fails to give close attention to details or makes careless mistakes in schoolwork, at work, or with other activities.

Often has trouble holding attention on tasks or play activities.

Often does not seem to listen when spoken to directly.

Often does not follow through on instructions and fails to finish schoolwork, chores, or duties in the workplace (e.g., loses focus, side-tracked).

Often has trouble organising tasks and activities.

Often avoids, dislikes, or is reluctant to do tasks that require mental effort over a long period of time (such as schoolwork or homework).

Often loses things necessary for tasks and activities (e.g. school materials, pencils, books, tools, wallets, keys, paperwork, eyeglasses, mobile telephones).

Is often easily distracted

Is often forgetful in daily activities.

Hyperactivity and Impulsivity

Six or more symptoms of hyperactivity-impulsivity for children up to age 16 years, or five or more for adolescents age 17 years and older and adults; symptoms of hyperactivity-impulsivity have been present for at least 6 months to an extent that is disruptive and inappropriate for the person's developmental level:

Often fidgets with or taps hands or feet, or squirms in seat.

Often leaves seat in situations when remaining seated is expected.

Often runs about or climbs in situations where it is not appropriate (adolescents or adults may be limited to feeling restless).

Often unable to play or take part in leisure activities quietly.

Is often "on the go" acting as if "driven by a motor".

Often talks excessively.

Often blurts out an answer before a question has been completed.

Often has trouble waiting their turn.

Often interrupts or intrudes on others (e.g. butts into conversations or game)

In addition, the following conditions must be met:

Several inattentive or hyperactive-impulsive symptoms were present before age 12 years.

Several symptoms are present in two or more settings, (such as at home, school or work; with friends or relatives; in other activities).

There is clear evidence that the symptoms interfere with, or reduce the quality of, social, school, or work functioning.

The symptoms are not better explained by another mental disorder (such as a mood disorder, anxiety disorder, dissociative disorder, or a personality disorder). The symptoms do not happen only during the course of schizophrenia or another psychotic disorder.

Diagnosing ADHD in Adults

ADHD often lasts into adulthood. To diagnose ADHD in adults and adolescents age 17 years or older, only 5 symptoms are needed instead of the 6 needed for younger children. Symptoms might look different at older ages. For example, in adults, hyperactivity may appear as extreme restlessness or wearing others out with their activity. If you are an adult looking for indications that you might have ADHD you can take the WHO screener survey here.

Presentation:

There is a persistent thought from some parts of the general population that ADHD requires some form of hyper-activity. This is not the case. Based on the above criteria there are three kinds (presentations) of ADHD that can occur. Because symptoms can change over time, the presentation may change over time as well

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
What is ADHD? It is a disorder that is defined through analysis of behaviour. People with ADHD show a persistent pattern of inattention and/or hyperactivity-impulsivity that interferes with day-to-day functioning and/or development.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
What is ADHD?

Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is a neurodevelopmental condition that affects behaviour and concentration.

Children and young people with ADHD often seem unusually restless, impulsive or distracted. They may speak or act without thinking, struggle with organisation, find it hard to focus or appear to be always on the go. Some people with ADHD do not experience hyperactivity; this used to be called attention deficit disorder (ADD), though the term in no longer used officially.

ADHD is not a mental illness or a learning disability, though children and young people with ADHD may also have other conditions or experience mental health problems.

Living with ADHD can be very challenging, for children and young people as well as for their parents and carers. But the right diagnosis, treatment and support can make a big difference to a child's learning, life skills and relationships, as well as making family life easier. There is also lots you can do as a parent/carer to help your child manage the things they find difficult.

What are the most common symptoms of ADHD?

A child with ADHD may be:

easily distracted, finding it difficult to start or finish tasks

often unable to concentrate

often restless or fidgety

very talkative, often interrupting or blurting things out

impulsive, acting before considering consequences, prone to taking risks

easily angry or frustrated, struggling to deal with emotions

finding making or maintaining friendships difficult

disorganised, for instance often losing things or being late

lacking awareness of time

Every child or young person with ADHD is individual and they may not display all of these behaviours. And many of these traits and behaviours are typical in younger children, or can follow a traumatic experience - they don't necessarily mean your child has ADHD.

Age and gender can also affect how someone with ADHD behaves. This can make it harder to spot signs of ADHD, particularly in girls, who are more likely to be undiagnosed or wrongly diagnosed with other conditions.

Typically the symptoms of ADHD develop in early childhood and they may become particularly noticeable at times of significant change, such as starting or changing school.

What to do if you think your child might have ADHD

If your child frequently experiences some of these symptoms and it's affecting their day-to-day life, discuss your concerns with your child's GP. Before doing this, talk to your child's teacher and the school special educational needs co-ordinator (SENCO) about what they have noticed.

The GP may want to refer your child for assessment, as ADHD can only be diagnosed by a specialist such as a child and adolescent psychiatrist or paediatrician.

Sometimes parents are reluctant to pursue assessment. They may be worried about 'labelling' their child or about stigma, or they may prefer to watch and wait. These feelings are normal. But parents and young people who do seek diagnosis can find it helps them access the right support; understand and manage challenges; and identify individual strengths.

We have more information about getting support from the GP, CAMHS or school in our guide.

ADHD diagnosis, support and treatment

ADHD assessment is usually done through the specialist Children and Young People's Mental Health Services, commonly referred to as CAMHS.

Diagnosis is most commonly made in childhood, and in the majority of cases, symptoms affecting daily life continue into adulthood.

There is no single, definitive test for ADHD. Specialists will base clinical diagnosis on a combination of observations of your child; discussions and questionnaires (with you and your child); and information from your child's school.

They will consider how long the symptoms have been present; their impact on your child's daily life; and whether they might be due to another condition. The NHS states that approximately 60-80% of children with ADHD have at least one other condition (such as autism, dyslexia, dyspraxia, anxiety or behaviour problems), and your child may be given more than one diagnosis.

Support and treatment options

You and your child should be offered support and advice to help manage ADHD in their day-to-day life.

ADHD can also be treated with medication and/or therapies. These should be discussed with you when your child is diagnosed, and are set out in the National Institute for Health and Care Excellence (NICE) guidelines on ADHD.

ADHD can be treated with therapies such as cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT). For more information about therapy, see our parent guide to counselling and therapy.

There are a number of types of medication. These are not a cure for ADHD, and many children do not take them, but they can help manage some of the symptoms. Medication must be prescribed and overseen by a specialist.

You may also be offered ADHD -focussed parent training. This does not mean your parenting is somehow wrong. It is designed to provide support and specific strategies and skills to help you and your child thrive.

Jack is still perennially late, disorganised and impulsive; but he's also energetic, original and creative. The medication is helping him make the most of all of that.

What you can do to support your child with ADHD

Be explicit and consistent about unacceptable behaviour, such as violence. Set appropriate consequences and follow them through, but try to stay calm in the moment to avoid escalation. Dealing with challenging behaviour can be very hard, and our parent guide has helpful advice.

Plan the day so your child knows what to expect. Maintaining regular sleep patterns, physical activity and mealtimes can help your child. Some people find dietary change and/or certain supplements helpful. But the NHS states that there is no clinical evidence for this, and medical advice should be sought first. Our young person's guide has helpful advice on sleep problems.

The impact of ADHD on your child's mental health

Any child or young person can struggle with their mental health and wellbeing, whether or not they have ADHD. This might be caused by things like family change, bullying, exam stress or a traumatic event.

But having ADHD may also mean your child has extra challenges - such as social difficulties, struggling to manage their emotions or getting into trouble at school - that leave them more vulnerable to low self-esteem, anxiety or depression.

Children and young people with ADHD frequently have other developmental or mental health conditions and it is important to ensure they have the appropriate support for these.

As a parent there is a lot you can do to support your child with their wellbeing and mental health:

encourage your child to talk about how they are feeling with you. Our starting a conversation guide has ideas for keeping communication open

if you feel your child may have a mental health problem or another condition alongside ADHD, discuss your concerns with their GP or ADHD specialist.

Working with school if your child has ADHD

ADHD is a special education need (SEN), and it may be referred to as a specific learning difference (SpLD). Your child is entitled to appropriate support to help them thrive socially and educationally. This could include potential adjustments in certain situations, such as extra time or rest breaks for exams, movement breaks in lessons, written instructions for tasks and a seating plan that minimises distractions.

Discuss the diagnosis and needs with the school's SENCO, taking a list of your concerns and background information to the meeting.

Your child may be entitled to an education, health and care plan (EHC plan) which details the support they need and how it will be provided. (The National Autistic Society has helpful information about EHC plans.)

Good communication between you and school can be really helpful in ensuring your child thrives in education and meets their potential. Our parent guide to support has more advice on talking to school or college.

ADHD in teenagers and beyond

If your child is a teenager or young person, their needs and the support you give may well be different from when they were younger. They may like to read our young person's guide to ADHD and mental health. But there are still many ways you can help.

Looking after your own wellbeing

Parenting a child with ADHD can sometimes be isolating, upsetting or exhausting. Sometimes parents feel judged or blamed by others (unjustifiably as parenting does not cause ADHD). It is entirely understandable if you are finding things difficult.

It's important to recognise the impact the situation is having on you, and think about ways you can take care of yourself - including getting support from other people so that you can take some time off. It's okay to ask for help when you need it, and to share your worries with someone you trust. We have advice on looking after yourself as well as your child.

Our son's challenging behaviour with ADHD had an enormous impact on the whole family, as we and his brothers bore the brunt of his anger.

Where to get further support

If you would to speak to a professional adviser or find out more about how you can support your child, these organisations can help.
While we take care to ensure that the organisations we signpost to provide high quality information and advice, we cannot take responsibility for any specific pieces of advice they may offer. We encourage parents and carers to always explore the website of a linked service or organisation to understand who they are and what support they offer before engaging with them.

This page was reviewed in March 2022. It was created with parents and carers with lived experience of supporting their child or young person with ADHD. We will next review the page in 2025. YoungMinds is a proud member of PIF TICK - the UK's quality mark for trusted health information.
Whether you love the page or think something is missing, we appreciate your feedback. It all helps us to support more young people with their mental health.

Please be aware that this form isn't a mental health support service. If your child is in crisis right now and you want to talk to someone urgently, find out who to contact on our urgent help page.

At YoungMinds we take your privacy seriously. If you'd like to read more about how we keep the information we collect safe, take a look at our privacy policy.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
ADHD Support For Your Child | Parents Advice Guide

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
If your child is struggling to manage their ADHD, read our tips on what you can do to support them, how to get a diagnosis and where to find help.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
Sensory Support Service | Live Well in Bath & North East Somerset

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
The Service provides support to children and young people (CYP) from birth to 25, with hearing loss and/or vision impairment, their families and educational setting. This includes deaf CYP, CYP who are blind or vision impaired and those with multi-sensory impairment (both vision and hearing loss). The service does not provide support to CYP with other sensory needs which are not related to vision or hearing loss. The service is based in Bristol but is provided across Bristol, South Gloucester, BaNES and North Somerset.

# data[].attributes.body
A free hotline to support with sleep issues

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Supporting people across all ages to improve sleep, and provides sleep training to professionals in the health, social and corporate sectors.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
These resources have been produced as part of Thrive Online and are designed to empower young people with Special Educational Needs and Disabilities (SEND) to build happy and healthy online relationships.

These resources for parents and carers are designed to help spark conversations and help you support your child around the topics of online pornography, healthy relationships and digital wellbeing.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
Supporting young people with SEND | Childnet

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
These resources have been produced as part of Thrive Online and are designed to empower young people with Special Educational Needs and Disabilities (SEND) to build happy and healthy online relationships. These resources for parents and carers are designed to help spark conversations and help you support your child around the topics of online pornography, healthy relationships and digital wellbeing.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
If your child is, or may be, dyslexic then we have information, resources and training available to help you to ensure that your child is able to reach their full potential.

You can also find information in our Supporting a Child or Young Person: A Guide for Parents booklet on how to support your child at home, working with your school to secure a diagnosis and support, and what support the law entitles a young person with dyslexia to and how to access it.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Information, resources and training to help parents ensure their child can reach full potential.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
The Dyscalculia Information Centre - What is dyscalculia?

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Supporting individuals and families affected by dyspraxia/DCD

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
Supports Families Affected By Autism | Butterflies Haven | Keynsham

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Supports Families Affected By Autism | Butterflies Haven | Keynsham

# data[].attributes.headline
Resilience Development - support for parents

# data[].attributes.subject
Resilience Development - support for parents

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
If you think that your child may be autistic, or are going through the diagnosis process, or have just or recently received a diagnosis of Autism Spectrum Condition for your child, you are in safe hands with us.

Bristol Autism Support is a registered charity that has been supporting parents and carers of autistic children, diagnosed or undiagnosed, living in BS postcodes, since 2012. You can read more about us here.
We are here to help you, to support you, to answer your questions and guide you every step of the way.
For now, let's get you started with the most important information you need to know.

First things first:

If you are concerned about your child, these posts may be helpful:

If you are looking for ways to help you child, see:

Struggling with school? Have a look at these:

Other important information:

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
We are here for you every step of the way of your autism journey with your child. This page is your quick start guide to the help and support available.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
With your help, we can keep offering free support to those who need us.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
Be your child's superhero and help them to stop bedwetting

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
This message is only visible to admins: Problem displaying Facebook posts. Backup cache in use. Error: Error validating access token: Session has expired on Friday, 07-May-21 04:00:00 PDT. The current time is Thursday, 15-Jul-21 05:02:38 PDT. Type: OAuthException Bedwetting can be caused by? Visit stopbedwetting.org to find out more.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Grief can be overwhelming - you don’t have to deal with it alone. Cruse Bereavement Support is here. Call our helpline or chat online.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Winston's Wish is the UK's childhood bereavement charity. We support children and their families after the death of someone important.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
How to not need a holiday after the holidays

The holidays can be a stressful time for single parents, Natalie is a volunteer in our Wellbeing Digital Group and recently held an online workshop where she shared her 'go to' tools for managing the...

Read more

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
We are Gingerbread, the charity for single parent families. We provide expert advice and practical support for single mums and dads in England and Wales.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
A national voluntary organisation and charity dedicated to supporting parents and their lesbian, gay, bisexual and Trans sons and daughters

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Struggling with an eating disorder? Caring for someone who is? Beat is here to support you.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Find out everything you need to know about drugs, their effects and the law. Talk to Frank for facts, support and advice on drugs and alcohol today. | FRANK

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
One of the most important things to consider is how your child's sensory issues may affect toilet training. We have on this and also ways to lots more information and tips reduce toilet anxiety, and other stresses.

Help your child to understand toileting and become used to going to the toilet in different places such as nursery, friend's houses, and public toilets. Remember signs can be different in public toilets and other settings outside your home.

Try to use the same words and language to talk about wee and poo and going to the toilet.

Use our Toileting Social Script and Toileting Visual Schedule as part of the programme.

You can also download this social story created by one of ERIC's Trustees, Dr Eve Fleming, about understanding how children can learn to use the toilet.

If you are a professional working with a child and their family, remember that families and education settings often need regular and ongoing support. It is always helpful to have a clear plan and explanation, with regular reviews of progress.

Try to see toileting experiences from your child's perspective. Help your child to become comfortable in bathrooms and sitting on toilets.

Think about anxiety and how to reduce this. Children often need a great deal of reassurance, games and songs.

Keep the toilet experience fun and relaxed. Consider using special fiddle toys, or books to practice sitting on the toilet.

Check your child's position on the toilet. Let them use a footstool so their knees are raised, and often leaning forwards. This makes sure the large bowel is at a good angle for emptying.

Some children may like a toilet seat with padding, or a different shaped toilet seat to feel secure.

Help your child understand about weeing and pooing in the toilet. Pictures stories and picture cards will help your child to understand how their body works, and where wee and poo comes from.

Break up the toileting programme into small steps.

Withholding
Lots of children withhold their poo, by tightening their abdominal and bottom muscles. The triggers for this are constipation and anxiety, and both very common in autistic children.

Look out for signs of straining while your child is sat on the toilet or standing up. Usually, they are not trying to pass their poo, but trying to stop it from coming out. They may cross their legs and lean backwards, making all their muscles become tight to hold the poo in.

Children don't do this on purpose or to be naughty. Withholding is a learned reaction which usually happens after a child passes a poo which they found uncomfortable or painful.

Get more information about withholding poo and how to support your child so the cycle of holding on can be broken.

For autistic children, it is essential to treat the physical causes of constipation in combination with strategies to help their anxiety. Once their poo is helped to be soft, it is easier to help them relax and let it go. Read more about supporting austistic children with constipation.

Sensory differences/needs are very common in autistic children and may be linked to distress if your child is upset by too much sensory stimulation.

Anxiety is often a cause of avoidance of toileting, bathrooms and toilets. It's important to try to find out what makes your child uncomfortable in bathrooms and make adjustments to make the environment feel safer and more comfortable.

Lack of sensation often leads to the child seeking additional sensations to help give adequate feelings and awareness, which are needed to develop toileting skills.

Think about the different sensations and profile of your child. A detailed sensory assessment by an Occupational Therapist may be very helpful for creating a programme that meets your child's need.
Read more about sensory issues and toileting.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
Toileting support for autistic children - ERIC

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Though it is sometimes difficult, nearly all autistic children do become toilet trained. Read our advice about strategies and tips for supporting toileting challenges.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
Resources | Neurodiversity Celebration Week

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
Dyslexia Awareness Part 1: Module 1 - About Dyslexia

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
SAY WHAT YOU SEE For Parents and Teachers: More hugs. More respect. Elegantly simple.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Buy SAY WHAT YOU SEE For Parents and Teachers: More hugs. More respect. Elegantly simple. by Blackard, Sandra R. (ISBN: 9780980001525) from Amazon’s Book Store. Everyday low prices and free delivery on eligible orders.

# data[].attributes.headline
The PACE approach to supporting your child's behaviour

# data[].attributes.subject
The PACE approach to supporting your child's behaviour

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Buy Siblings Without Rivalry: How to Help Your Children Live Together So You Can Live Too (How to Help Your Child) 1st. New Edition : 1st. Printing by Faber, Adele, Mazlish, Elaine (ISBN: 9781853406300) from Amazon’s Book Store. Everyday low prices and free delivery on eligible orders.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
Sibling conflict can really leech the fun out of family time. A day of constant mediation between bickering children sends the best of us running for the wine feeling like a battered referee after an ill-tempered football match rather than the nurturing and wise moral guide we aspire to be. We tie ourselves in knots trying to be even-handed (how do you know who started it?!), desperately garnering wellbeing for all sides, with usually only guilt or despair to show for it.

So what can we do to survive and minimise sibling conflict? Here are my top tips for staying sane and reducing the bickering.

Have realistic expectations

Some squabbling between children is inevitable. Siblings compete for their parents' attention (it's what Darwinians call the evolutionary struggle for the milk supply!). Sibling conflict is also used by some children as a way of defining their own identity and unique niche within the family (" Whatever she likes, I don't! "). No matter what the cause, no child is born with a full set of social skills intact. All children have to develop the social strategies needed to co-operate and negotiate and the emotional regulation to cope gracefully when they don't get their own way. Siblings need to learn to resolve their disagreements peacefully, it's a process - it's just that some of them learn it quicker than others!

Look after yourself

It's hard to be a calm, consistent parent when you are tired or stressed. Constant sibling conflict can tip the most saintly of us over the edge. Find time to recharge regularly. Do one thing each day that is just for you and prioritise your own wellbeing. Spending some time away from children (preferably with people who speak nicely to each other) is essential.

Teach turn taking

Parents can encourage sharing and co-operation through simple games such as Snap or board games. Start by playing these games with your children to show them how to take turns - your turn, my turn, your turn, my turn. Praise them for playing co-operatively and give them words to use when things go wrong (" It's my turn now. Please can I have a go."). See Teaching children to share FAQs for more on this.

Coach them in problem-solving

Parents are brilliant problem-solvers. The trouble is, we solve problems so quickly that we don't always allow our children to do it for themselves or teach them how to do it. Family meetings are a great way to introduce to children the skills needed for joint problem-solving and decision-making. And next time your children are bickering over a toy (or anything else), don't solve the problem for them, coach them to come up with their own solution. (See Teaching children problem-solving skills for more on this.)

Pay attention when they get it right

It's tempting to slope off and put the dinner on when the kids are playing nicely. But if we do that all the time, then children can learn to use sibling conflict to get attention. There is nothing more guaranteed to make Mum come running (full attention blazing) than whacking your younger brother over the head with a heavy object! Remember to pay attention and praise them when they are playing nicely (before you sneak off to start dinner) - it might mean you get a few more minutes to get something done. If praise alone doesn't work, try a reward chart!

Be consistent when sibling conflict occurs

If your children start to fight over an activity, don't shout or get into a debate or join in the argument, just tell them to stop. And if they don't, apply a suitable consequence immediately. Take the activity away for five minutes, or use Quiet Time or Time Out for more aggressive behaviour. Children are quick learners and if you are consistent, they will reduce behaviour that doesn't have a good pay-off. (See The secret of calm parenting.)

Help children learn to manage their feelings

Sibling conflict can escalate when children don't know the right ways to express their big feelings. Teach children to manage their emotions by saying what you see and encouraging them to express their emotions in appropriate ways: " I can see you are angry. But it is not okay to hit your brother. Use words to tell him how you feel and what you want." Notice and praise them when they get it right and teach them coping and calming strategies such as counting to ten, slow breaths or just walking away: " Well done for walking away when your sister was teasing you." (For specific ideas on dealing with tweens and teens, see How do I cope with Teenage Tantrums?)

It's not a magic wand, and there will definitely still be some of 'those moments'. But, hopefully, you'll stay sane. Let me know how you get on!

(You might also find these Children's books about sibling rivalry handy for talking about the topic with your child.)

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
Sibling Conflict: A Survival Guide For Parents | Anita Cleare

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Sibling conflict can really leech the fun out of family time. A day of constant mediation between bickering children sends the best of us running for the wine feeling like a battered referee after an ill-tempered football match rather than the nurturing and wise moral guide we aspire to be.

# data[].attributes.headline
Define Fine - Support for School Attendance Issues

# data[].attributes.subject
Define Fine - Support for School Attendance Issues

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
Define Fine is a parent/carer-led organisation set up in response to the growing number of children and young people who experience school attendance difficulties.

This is sometimes referred to as 'school refusal', or emotionally based school avoidance however these phrases may not explain the full picture of the barriers to attendance which may be due to any number of complex reasons such unmet Special Educational Needs & Disabilities including physical or mental illness, either suspected or diagnosed, bullying or issues relating to academic pressure, or even the school environment.

School attendance difficulties are complex but all too often these children are described as being "fine" when they are in school. Define Fine has produced resources based on relevant government policies and guidance, to help parents and their families to work with professionals to assess and then plan appropriate and timely support.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
To help us keep this website secure, please wait while we verify you’re not a robot! It will only take a few seconds…

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Not Fine in School is a parent-led organisation empowering families & raising awareness of school attendance barriers (school refusal/ anxiety/ SEND/ bullying)

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
Beacon House is passionate about developing freely available resources so that knowledge about the repair of trauma and adversity is in the hands of those who need it. Please feel free to use our resources in your home or work setting.
All we ask is that you credit our team for the information and design using this credit: Image or information courtesy of Beacon House Therapeutic Services & Trauma Team | 2022 | www.beaconhouse.org.uk
As a specialist trauma service, our resources are written using a 'trauma lens' and offer information, ideas and strategies from this perspective. We know that there are other perspectives and overlapping experiences, meaning that 'one size doesn't fit all'. We are working to be as inclusive as possible and alongside this acknowledge that not everything we produce will be relevant for everyone.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Beacon House is passionate about developing freely available resources so that knowledge about the repair of trauma and adversity is in the hands of those who need it. Please feel free to use our resources in your home or work setting.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
Question: Our daughter has ADHD but doesn't know it. She's 10-years-old and doing alright in school. Should we tell her she was diagnosed two years ago? How should we tell her about her diagnosis at this point?

Answer: When and how to explain to your child about a medical diagnosis, especially ADHD, is a question every parent of a child with a special need has to contend with at some point. The first piece of advice is always that you know your child best when it comes to her needs; next, a child at 10 years old knows she is struggling with something and has questions that need to be answered.
What the experts suggest
"It's never too early to start talking with your child about his ADHD," Patricia Collins, PhD, tells WebMD. She is the director of the Psychoeducational Clinic at North Carolina State University. She suggests parents pick a time when they can talk without distraction and not feel rushed.

"It should be a time when you are unlikely to be interrupted," Dr. Collins says.

Kara Tamanini, MS, LMHC, a therapist who works with children, says parents should keep the conversation reassuring and constructive.

"Tell the truth, but do not sugarcoat things," Ms. Tamanini writes in How To Talk to Your Kids About ADHD. "The reality is that your child will have to work at this just as much as you and his or her teachers will. When you tell your child that they have ADHD, let them know that they are not alone. Every person is different in many different ways and we should celebrate these differences. If you keep your child's diagnosis from him or her, it implies that ADHD is shameful and something to be embarrassed about."

And while the conversation will include many of the challenges your daughter faces because of ADHD symptoms, it's important to also focus on your daughter's positive qualities and capabilities, says Andrew Adesman, MD, the chief of developmental and behavioral pediatrics at Steven and Alexandra Cohen Children's Medical Center of New York.

"Everyone has strengths and weaknesses, and when talking about ADHD with kids, it has to be within the context that there are things a child does well and things he or she does less well," Dr. Adesman says in Not Broken, Just Different: Explaining ADHD to a Young Child for Everyday Health.
Be ready to talk about ADHD
Make sure you're up to date about ADHD. You can learn more about the condition before talking with your child at About ADHD or schedule a meeting with your child's doctor.

Pick up a few books that you can use during the conversation and later on as your daughter has additional questions. A few books you might want to look into are:

You can find additional book suggestions from CHADD's online bookstore. Many of these books can be found through your local library or your own favorite bookstore.

Keep the information appropriate for your child's age. A 10-year-old can understand more about how her brain functions than a younger child. For the younger child, you might talk more about behaviors. For both children, the goal is to offer reassurance that ADHD is not who they are, it is something they have. The good news is that her parents love her and have a plan to help her.
Tips for talking about ADHD with your child
It can be difficult to know what to say when discussing ADHD with your child. Remember your child's age and experience. An older child might be interested in the science of how her brain works, a younger child just wants to know that what she's going through is okay and her parents are going to help her.

Some recommendations from Ms. Tamanini:

Don't say, "You are ADHD." Your child is not a medical diagnosis. Try saying, "ADHD is just something you have, but it doesn't define who you are today or who you will grow up to be."

Likewise, avoid "You have a disorder." This can sound scary to a child. Instead, try saying, "Your brain works differently, just as some people's eyes work differently."

Avoid saying, "You need medication to behave or to learn." This sends the wrong message about medication and its role. Explain that the medication is part of what can help your child be successful. It is one of many tools in her treatment plan that will help her filter out distractions so she can learn or listen the way she wants to.

Try this framework, and adapt for your conversation:

What you are experiencing or struggling with is very normal for a child who has ADHD. You are a regular child, you just have something else that makes it a little harder for you than for your friends.

We are working together to help make things better at home and school.

Part of having ADHD is having many new or exciting ideas, sometimes all at once. You can be full of energy that you just don't know what to do with sometimes.

ADHD won't go away, but we are a team - you, me, your teachers, your doctors - and we can handle this together.

ADHD is not an excuse for bad behavior, but we will work together to fix the problem when it causes you to get in trouble.

Empowering your child
ADHD is a lifespan condition, one that children generally do not outgrow. Part of your role as your child grows up is to teach her to find solutions that work for her and to advocate for herself. Teaching your daughter about ADHD and encouraging her to find answers to her questions empowers her to more successfully navigate her life as she enters her teen years and approaches adulthood. Including your daughter in discussions with her teachers and modeling how to ask for what she needs are other ways you prepare her for self-advocacy.

You can learn more about teaching self-advocacy at Self-Advocacy: Strategies for All Ages.
How did the conversation go when you told your child about an ADHD diagnosis? What advice would you offer this parent?

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
Talking with Your Child About ADHD - CHADD

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Join the discussion. Question: Our daughter has ADHD but doesn't know it. She's 10-years-old and doing alright in school. Should we tell her she was diagnosed two years ago? How should we tell her about her diagnosis at this point? Answer: When and how to explain to your child about a medical diagnosis, especially ADHD,...

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.authors[].name
Dawn Huebner PhD (Author), Bonnie Matthews (Illustrator)

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
What to Do When Your Brain Gets Stuck: A Kid’s Guide to Overcoming OCD (What-to-Do Guides for Kids) (What-to-Do Guides for Kids Series)

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Buy What to Do When Your Brain Gets Stuck: A Kid’s Guide to Overcoming OCD (What-to-Do Guides for Kids) (What-to-Do Guides for Kids Series) by Huebner PhD, Dawn, Matthews, Bonnie (ISBN: 8601200646610) from Amazon’s Book Store. Everyday low prices and free delivery on eligible orders.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
What to Do When You Worry Too Much, 2nd Edition: A Kid’s Guide to Overcoming Anxiety (What-to-Do Guides for Kids): Amazon.co.uk: Dawn Huebner, PhD, Bonnie Matthews: 9781433844881: Books

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Buy What to Do When You Worry Too Much, 2nd Edition: A Kid’s Guide to Overcoming Anxiety (What-to-Do Guides for Kids) Second by Dawn Huebner, PhD, Bonnie Matthews (ISBN: 9781433844881) from Amazon’s Book Store. Everyday low prices and free delivery on eligible orders.