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Body image has been a controversial topic here in America and in Pakistan. At one point, not so long ago, the ideal body type in America was skinny, ironically at the same time, an hourglass shape. The female body had to be curvy yet appear thin. In recent years, America has put that standard aside and is allowing us to be comfortable the way we are. Your size and weight do not matter, as long as you are respectful to each other. We are blessed to have a plus-size section and not have to worry about clothes not fitting. However, this is not the case most of the time in Pakistani culture. There is this ideology that a woman must be skinny. She can have no fat whatsoever on her body. This becomes such pressure because as we are getting older and should not be worried about how we look, we are told, and I quote “if you gain weight, no one will marry you.” Alongside that, the men there are taught that your wife must be skinny too, which causes discrimination for women with heavier weight and risks their chances of having a successful or happy marriage, or marriage at all.

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Feminine products are provided to us out in the open. We can go into any drug store or pharmacy and openly ask which aisle they are in. Feminine hygiene products are also provided to us publicly. All these products, we learn about them. We learn about the reproductive system, we learn how babies are born, and we learn how to use these feminine products. There is no need to hide that you’re on your period. To us, we understand that this is something a female body goes through and so do the rest of the people around us. However, the idea of menstruation and feminine products is taboo in our culture. A man should not have any idea that you are on your period. We are told to just hide the pain and go about our daily routine. Even talking to the opposite sex about it is seen as something that should not be talked about at all costs. This makes us carry our own pain and struggles within us and not be able to confide in the men that should be there for us such as our brothers, fathers, and husbands. This also leads to another point that since this topic is taboo, Pakistani men don’t know what a period or a pad is until they get married. This is a concept that they have to get used to at such a mature age that it may be difficult for them to absorb this reality.

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In Pakistani culture, there are many wedding events. We have the dholkis, nikkah, mehndi, baraat and walimah. In all these events, the bride dresses up in bright and colorful clothes. For the baraat, that is not the case. The baraat is the event in which the bride’s family gives her to the groom’s family. On the day of the baraat, the bride wears red. It does not matter what shade of red it is, it must be red. The embroidery on the clothes as well does not matter, but it is recommended to be gold. The significance of red is for good luck and happiness. A wedding is seen as a day of happiness and on that day we like to wear something that will bring us joy for the event. Red is also seen as a color married women wear. I remember growing up, whenever I would explore with makeup and try a bright red lip, my mother will tell me to take it off because it is seen as a color women of mature age wear. If you look closer, you can see that my mother in the picture has her gaze lowered. Women are not supposed to show any sort of happiness on their faces that day, which contraindicates to how it is a day of happiness. It is frowned upon if a woman is smiling and is seen as happy.  At American weddings, the bride’s dress is white. White symbolizes purity and displays the transition of being a single woman to a married woman. The veil worn symbolizes modesty which is similar to the dupatta shown in the picture. A dupatta is a long piece of cloth that comes with the bride’s dress and is put around her head to show modesty.

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Complexion and skin tone are also controversial topics in Pakistani culture. The idea of being a fair complexion is very put into the minds of a female living there. The idea is that being a fair complexion makes you pretty. Now, what do we mean by fair complexion? Fair complexion means being white. Women do whatever they can to their faces to make sure they present as white. From bleaching their faces to putting on complexion creams that advertise making them much fairer, yet not knowing the consequences and how badly the chemicals will react to their face. Besides these ways of trying to make their skin become fair, makeup plays a big part as well. In this picture, which the title roughly translates to “bride ready in 30 minutes, you can’t believe your eyes” you can see the huge difference in the before and after picture. In the before picture, you can see that the woman is dark-skinned, whereas in the after picture, she is much fairer skin and you can see the difference on her face and hand. This video went viral and has over 1 million views. Seeing that and realizing the effect it has on other dark skin females is distressing. Young girls watching this video and realizing that they are different and need to have a fair complexion in society is not something they should be worrying about. As for the men, they are taught that their wife should have a fair complexion as well, REGARDLESS of what their complexion is. This comes back to the quote I mentioned earlier, “if you aren’t white enough, no one will marry you.”

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Here is a semi-decent picture of me (I’m not very photogenic). Growing up as a Muslim Pakistani female in a western country has had its ups and downs. Growing up, I was bullied for being a hijabi at such a young age and many people thought my parents had forced me which was not the case. Little me wanted to embrace my religion at a young age and it was and will always be something I am proud of. Growing up in a Pakistani household was slightly difficult because the many concepts that were publicly talked about here were not concepts you can discuss openly in a Pakistani household. So it was tough learning these concepts by either ourselves or building the courage to bring them up to my mother. However, there was also sunshine in the household. I am thankful for my parents because although they were taught to not discuss many of these things when we would come to them with questions, they happily provided us with the answers. It was not something they would talk about, but they did not bash us for wanting to understand. When it comes to my weight, I am on the heavier side. I’ve always been a chubby child and growing up, I’ve always had relatives complain about my weight. All my relatives are in Pakistan, so every time we went and go to visit they say things such as “you should help your mom around the house so you can lose weight”, and “you’re pretty, but if you lose a little more weight, you’ll be prettier”, and “no one will marry if you look like this”, and much more uncalled for things. For a long time, it did affect me, and I cannot lie, at points it still does. Acne also played a big role in my life, which correlates to the concept of complexion. I had very bad acne growing up and it was always a conversation starter whenever I went to Pakistan, and it made me insecure. I love being Pakistani and I love my culture and religion as well, but I believe that our people are toxic. They do not point out the good in people, they point out the bad. There’s this toxicity that no one will be good enough for each other and I pray that future generations coming will change this and accept that these differences do not make one superior to the other. Growing up in America has taught me to respect people and not bash someone because they are of a different race, ethnicity, skin color, etc. I may not have the same morals and values as you, but as a human, I will respect them. I have come across many people throughout my life and I have respected them regardless if they have done the same to me or not, and I believe my religion has helped with that because we are taught to respect everyone even if they are not Muslim. The media portrays Islam as the religion of the terrorists, but Islam is a religion of peace. Islam teaches us to respect other religions, and other people, and to be there for the ones in need. Overall, these concepts have made me into the person I am today, although it has a combination of toxicity and ease, I would not change a single thing, because I would not be where I am now, a 20-year-old student, pursuing psychology, whose goal is to be there for people who wish they had someone to confide in.