# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
Picture the scene: your child comes out of school and the teacher says they've behaved like the perfect child all day, but the moment you get home they have a complete meltdown. Your child screams, shouts, lashes out, sulks or generally acts in an unruly manner.
If that scene is familiar to you, you're not alone. This type of behaviour is what some psychologists refer to as 'after-school restraint collapse' and it's not unusual. It happens because your child has been busy managing their emotions all day as they navigate the complexities of school life.

When they get home, that's their safe space to let it all out!

So, now you know what it is, what can you actually do about it? Parents' Toolkit has been speaking to educational and child psychologist Dr Anisa-Ree Moses, for some tips on how to handle these outburst of emotions after-school.

1. Understand how hard school can be for some children

Dr Anisa-Ree Moses says that children can feel emotional, physical and mental exhaustion at the end of the school day. They have been trying to manage a mix of things like learning, social expectations, their own growing social awareness and all the feedback they're getting from teachers and peers.

"When they come out of that environment a pressure valve is released. If kids feel safe to express themselves, they will do so!"

The transition from school to home can also be challenging for some children: "Some kids may have difficulty separating from their parents. It's a relief when they see them, because their parent or carer represents a level of safety, but they're frustrated at the same time - the child wants them but is finding connection difficult at that moment. It's a positive reunion but it's also really emotional and can be hard for some children to channel."

Dr Moses adds that it can be particularly difficult for neurodiverse children who are coping with sensory sensitivities and the effort of containing a lot of emotions. When they come out of school they often can't hold it all in any longer.

For older children, she also says the transition home can be tricky too. They need space and time after school - they might not want to talk to you about it or will go to their room for a bit first.

Dr Moses suggests having a think about what your child needs when they come out of school.
"Do they need to go and run around the school playground a few times and let go for a bit before they walk home? Do they need movement or do they need a healthy snack? Or quiet time alone with no music or no chatting on the way home in the car or bus?"
It will be different for different kids, but Dr Moses suggests trying to be quiet on the walk or ride home.
"Connect with your child. Not by asking 'how was your day?' but through genuine emotional connection. You could say 'I'm so happy to see you, I'm glad we get to go home together, it made me happy coming out of school this way'. Being calm and using supportive words is important for your children."

She adds: "Include some downtime rather than moving straight on to homework or out to a club, so that your child can decompress. They might enjoy their clubs but still feel anxious, so build in downtime first and make their routine clear, visual and written down if they need that. You can also ask them what will help, for example drawing, reading a book or even just relaxing for a bit. Do it with them and help them to see they can do things to support themselves."

"Be understanding of their emotions - help them feel listened to if they want to talk about what's gone on, or be angry."
"You could say 'I can see you're shouting. I can see you want to be really loud, maybe let's go to the park on the way home'. Validate how they feel rather than try and control it. If they are impolite in the moment, come back to that later - talking at that moment won't help."

"Help them feel listened to and respected and make a genuine connection."
Dr Moses says the after-school 'meltdown' is an expression of emotion that often comes out physically. As parents you can recognise and label it so your child can see if for what it is.
"For example, 'I can see you are kicking the bin, I can see you're clenched and red, I can hear you're shouting and that's making me think you're angry, so I want to help you. However, here's not the safest place to do that, let's go to the park, etc.'"

"Build their emotional vocabulary and link it to the emotion - then they can tell you what they're feeling. You can say things like 'I want to help you. I can't do that when you're screaming. Let's take a deep breath, both of us.' Acknowledging it helps children to not feel alone."
With older children, Dr Moses says it's often more about them not wanting to talk or engage in any discussion about school.
"Especially for those who see school and home as two completely separate things. Just encourage them to build their emotional vocabulary, and be interested in what's happening in general in their life."

She adds: "Questions like 'how was your day?' will get a grunt or 'it's fine'. Think about what you are trying to find out. Can you remember an assignment they had or what they were going to be talking about with their friends? And connect by saying 'I'm happy to see you and hope you've had a good day' until they feel ready to come and have a conversation. Then offer yourself as being there, offer yourself as someone who wants to help and is interested in what's going on.

"Help them feel listened to and respected and make a genuine connection."

Dr Moses says your child might also be upset when they come out of school if there were any difficulties that day that weren't addressed, or there's something unresolved that's happened.

If your child's behaviour after school changes or is different to what's usual for them, try and find out if there are things happening during the school day that are affecting them.

"Think about whether you need a home-school communication book, so that you know whether what's been happening in school could trigger what happens at home. Information from school can help parents know how to approach a situation and whether there's something that needs resolving."

Connection is a great way for your child to know they're loved and that you're there for them, no matter what.
It could be snuggling up in bed, reading a book together, playing a quick game, or just having a chat.

Dr Moses suggests thinking about what your morning routine is like: "Is there anything you can build in there that can help them feel connected to you? I know this can be hard, I know how frustrating and annoying school runs can be! Let them know you're looking forward to seeing them later, just for who they are, not for what they've achieved."

She adds: "If your child is finding separation difficult, can you give them a note or something of yours to have in school? For some children, knowing that Mum or Dad is a phone call away and it won't be withheld from them helps them more.

"Also think about whether you have conversations about emotion at home. It's about helping your children with emotional literacy, building resilience and problem-solving skills, as well as building in transitioning - learning how to make things more predictable so that transitions are not as big and scary. Children are better able to manage their emotions if they know what's going to happen."

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
Five tips on how to handle the after-school 'meltdown' or 'restraint collapse'

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
'After-school restraint collapse' isn't unusual. Your child has been busy managing their emotions all day and when they get home, it's time to let it all out! Here are some expert tips on how to cope as a parent.

# data[].attributes.body
NHS / Solihull Approach online learning environment developed by psychologists and health practitioners providing accessible learning about emotional health and wellbeing, proven to positively impact mental health, behaviour and relationships.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.provider_name
inourplace | Solihull Approach - Online courses for emotional health and wellbeing.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
inourplace | Solihull Approach | Online courses for parents

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
inourplace | Solihull Approach : Online courses dedicated to improving emotional health and wellbeing in parents, children, teenagers, adults and grandparents.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Parenting Smart offers practical advice for parents and carers of children aged 5-11. All of our content is created by Place2Be's parenting experts. It's based on evidence and their experiences working with children, young people and their families.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
A decent night's sleep will help children to learn more effectively and make them less susceptible to minor ailments,

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
Body image is the term used to describe the way that we see ourselves. It's how we think and feel about our appearance, and the relationship we have with our bodies. Most people from time to time feel unsure, or lack confidence in their image and appearance, such as having thoughts about wanting to be a bit taller, or worrying about what our hair or skin might look like. For a lot of people, they worry about the size and shape of their body. Boys and girls can worry about their body image and appearance, and these worries can have a really big impact on daily life.
What it might look like feel like if someone is struggling with poor body image:

Talking about body dissatisfaction/ worrying about appearance

Comparing themselves to other people

Spending excessive time getting ready; making them late for, or missing commitments

Preoccupation with weight and shape; weighing self regularly

Body checking behaviour, eg, pinching self and checking reflection in the mirror regularly

Wanting to, or trying to diet by 'eating healthily' or following food movements such as the 'clean eating', 'raw food' or wanting to become vegetarian or vegan without clear reason

Increase in activity/exercise with a purpose of changing their size and shape

Engaging in weight altering/ compensatory behaviour such as taking laxatives or diuretics, self-induced vomiting, use of weight loss/gain aids, use of steroids

Feeling anxious about being seen in front of others and eating in public/in front of others

May struggle to identify positive qualities or characteristics in themselves

May struggle to make friends or struggle at school

May refuse or find excuses to engage in PE lessons

Things that might help someone who experiences poor body image:

Remind your young person that they are more than the way they look

Notice, comment, encourage: individuality, personality, characteristics, morals, values, ethics, behaviour, skills, effort, passion, goals, ambition, friendships, hobbies, and interests

Keep your young person focused on how they feel, not how they look

Remember: your words have power; be aware of throwaway comments

Role model being kind to yourself

Lead by example; no diet/body shaming chat/ take a non-judgemental stance towards others

Set and work towards your own self-care goals

Practice safe-social; Limit their use of social media; Encourage them to think carefully about what they share online especially on social networks; review their internet usage

Encourage acceptance, kindness and compassion towards others and themselves

Watch a parent/carer workshop on how to boost body image and self-esteem (below)

Watch a parent/carer workshop on coping and resilience skills (below)

Watch a parent/carer workshop on how to support anxiety (below)

Watch a parent/ carer workshop on Getting good sleep (below)

Watch a video on Teenage Turmoil (understanding why being a teenager is so difficult) (below)

There is more information on the Dove Self-Esteem Project website for parents and carers here

Use coping techniques and strategies (see videos below)

Share concerns with your child's school/college and identify whether additional pastoral support is available

Seek advice, guidance and support from Young Minds Parent Helpline: 08088025544

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Body image is the term used to describe the way that we see ourselves. It's how we think and feel about our appearance, and the relationship we have with our bodies. Most people from time to time feel unsure, or lack confidence in their image and appearance, such as having thoughts about wanting to be a bit taller, or worrying about what our hair or skin might look like.

# data[].attributes.headline
NHS - Helping your child with anger issues

# data[].attributes.subject
NHS - Helping your child with anger issues

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
Anger is a normal and useful emotion. It can tell children when things are not fair or right.
But anger can become a problem if a child's angry behaviour becomes out of control or aggressive.

Why is your child so angry?

There are lots of reasons why your child may seem more angry than other children, including:

seeing other family members arguing or being angry with each other

friendship problems

being bullied - Anti-Bullying Alliance has information on bullying

struggling with schoolwork or exams

feeling very stressed, anxious or fearful about something

coping with hormone changes during puberty

It may not be obvious to you or your child why they're feeling angry. If that's the case, it's important to help them work out what might be causing their anger.

Read talking to your child about feelings.

Tackle anger together

Team up with your child to help them deal with their anger. This way, you let your child know that the anger is the problem, not them.

With younger children, this can be fun and creative. Give anger a name and try drawing it - for example, anger can be a volcano that eventually explodes.

How you respond to anger can influence how your child responds to anger. Making it something you tackle together can help you both.

Help your child spot the signs of anger

Being able to spot the signs of anger early can help your child make more positive decisions about how to handle it.

Talk about what your child feels when they start to get angry. For example, they may notice that:

their heart beats faster

their muscles tense

they clench their teeth

they make a fist

their stomach churns

Anger tips for your child

Work together to try to find out what triggers the anger. Talk about helpful strategies for managing anger.

You could encourage your child to:

count to 10

walk away from the situation

breathe slowly and deeply

clench and unclench their fists to ease tension

talk to a trusted person

go to a private place to calm down

If you see the early signs of anger in your child, say so. This gives them the chance to try their strategies.

Encourage regular active play and exercise

Staying active can be a way to reduce or stop feelings of anger. It can also be a way to improve feelings of stress, anxiety or depression.

For older children or young people, this could be simple activities, such as:

a short walk

jogging or running

cycling

Read more about physical activity for children and young people.

Be positive

Positive feedback is important. Praise your child's efforts and your own efforts, no matter how small.

This will build your child's confidence in their ability to manage their anger. It will also help them feel that you're both learning together.

When to get help for anger in children

If you're concerned your child's anger is harmful to them or people around them, you could talk to a:

If necessary, a GP may refer your child to a local children and young people's mental health services for specialist help.

CYPMHS is used as a term for all services that work with children and young people who have difficulties with their emotional or behavioural wellbeing.

You may also be able to refer your child yourself without seeing a GP.

Read more about where to get mental health support.

Further help and support for anger in children

For more support with anger in children, you could phone the YoungMinds parents' helpline free on 0808 802 5544 (9.30am to 4pm, Monday to Friday).

Other sources of help and support include:

If you have older children, find out more about talking to teenagers and coping with your teenager.
The Health for Teens website also has more about anger management

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Advice on how to help your child deal with anger in a positive way.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
Anxiety is a word we use to describe feelings of worry, fear and panic. As well as these emotional feelings, people with anxiety might also experience physical (body) sensations such as a racing heart, breathing fast, sweaty hands, dry mouth and feeling shaky. Many people also have "what if" or negative thoughts when they are anxious.

Anxiety is a normal human response to feeling threatened or in danger, even if that threat or danger is a thought, image or memory. We all experience anxiety from time to time. Anxiety can become a real problem if the thoughts, emotions (feelings) and physical sensations are very strong, happen even when there is no real danger or if it lasts for a long time.

Lots of people experience worry and anxiety although for some people it can impact on everyday life and get in the way of school/college, socialising and even home life. The types of anxiety that are most common but cause a lot of distress include:

Worries about what other people think of you or worries about being judged negatively and not feeling good enough

Worries about bad things happening to you or the people you love and care about

Uncontrollable constant worry about lots of things (like school, the future, health, world events)

Worries about your safety and health (including worries about germs and contamination)

Phobias (big fears) about specific things

Worries that you are responsible for bad things happening

Feeling the need to complete certain routines, rituals or behaviour to stop bad things from happening (commonly known as Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)

If anxiety has become a problem for you, there is lots you can do to manage and cope.

Check out the 'what to do' workbooks which young people and families can use and can be downloaded from this page. These provide information and practical strategies to help you manage. It's important to remember we can't get rid of anxiety (or any other emotion) but we can learn how to cope and manage with it.

Worries and anxiety are common; everyone worries so it's important to remember you are not alone. Some worries may seem very real and very scary. Tell someone how you are feeling no matter what your worries are, even if you are worried about doing so. There will be someone who will listen and try to support you.

Although anxiety feels horrible, remember these feelings will pass and the physical sensations cannot harm you. Remind yourself that you have been anxious before, that those feelings passed, that you coped and were ok. If you need to, use activities, such as watching TV, spending time with friends, reading, making things and listening to music, to help manage until you feel a bit better.

You cannot avoid all the things that make you feel anxious so face your FEARs with confidence following these four steps;

Focus - rather than worry about the past, future or the unknown, focus on the present moment, the here and now

Expose - the more you face your fears the easier it will become to manage

Approach - the fear of experiencing anxiety is often worse than the situation you are avoiding. Face your fear and see for yourself that the situation probably isn't as bad as you are predicting

Rehearse - practice anxiety management techniques.

You can find lots of these on the Youth Anxiety website.

Struggling with Anxiety? Try on a new perspective - credit AnxietyBC

What Not to Say to someone with Anxiety

Guided Mindfulness: Passing Clouds - Dr Natalie Roberts

Guided Mindfulness: Leaves on a Stream

Introduction to Mindfulness

Mindful Breathing

Mindfulness for Emotions

Mindfulness Values Exercise

Mindfulness Body Scan

Struggling with Anxiety? Try on a new perspective - credit AnxietyBC

What Not to Say to someone with Anxiety

Guided Mindfulness: Passing Clouds - Dr Natalie Roberts

Guided Mindfulness: Leaves on a Stream

Introduction to Mindfulness

Mindful Breathing

Mindfulness for Emotions

Mindfulness Values Exercise

Mindfulness Body Scan

# data[].attributes.headline
How to help a child with anxiety about school?

# data[].attributes.subject
How to help a child with anxiety about school?

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
How to help a child with anxiety about school? 10 strategies — Private GP London | Dr Daniel Gordon

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Here are 10 strategies to help children with anxiety about school. Learn “how can I help my child with anxiety” and ways you can get them through challenges. At our Private GP clinic in London, we have experience in helping children and teenagers struggling with stress and anxiety.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.authors[].name
Our Mental Health Space - Sussex Partnership NHS Foundation Trust

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
This post and its photos may contain affiliate links. If you make a purchase through these links, I may receive a small commission at no extra cost to you! Read my full disclosure policy here.
Inside: If you are wondering what to say to help your anxious child calm down, (or angry child) then pull from any one of these 17 powerful phrases to calm an anxious child. We will also discuss what NOT to say to an anxious or angry child.

If your child suffers from anxiety then you know how downright gut-wrenching it is to be unsure how to help them feel better.

It seems you can never find the right thing to say.

We often say things like, "it's okay you don't need to worry about this" or, "you're fine" or "it's no big deal."

But:

Do you know this can often make anxiety worse?

These words of encouragement are often well-intended but the problem is that they don't work and they aren't validating the child's fears or worries.

Even though you might not think your kiddos worries are a big deal, for the child, it is a BIG deal, and you haven't given them any information or strategies to actually solve the problem and begin the process of feeling better.

Did you know?

Anxiety is the most common mental health concern for kids and adults?[

So:

Instead of saying the wrong things that are actually making your child's anxiety worse, start saying the right things with these 17 phrases that will help your anxious child calm down.

Signs your Child is Suffering from Anxiety

Anxiety isn't always straight forward. If you are looking for your child to just confess, "hey I have anxiety, I'm really struggling here." Well, think again.

Anxiety will manifest in different behaviors.

Below are a few examples of how anxiety might present in your child:

Anger or agitation (behavioral issues)

Negative thinking

Sleep issues

Controlling behavior

Avoiding activities

Rude and/or defiant behavior

Anxiety often presents as anger, and this is because your child feels out of control. If you suspect this is happening in your household, please check out this ultimate guide to anger management in kids, it has a whopping 55 quick calm down strategies for you to use.

Phrases an Anxious Child Might Say

Now:

If your child is suffering from anxiety, there will be common phrases you might hear, such as:

I don't want to go

No one likes me

I don't want to go to school

I can't do it

What if you die

I feel sick, my stomach is upset

But what if...what if...what if...

I want to stay with you

Have you heard any of these phrases before?
I know right, me too! I've heard all of them.
We need to change the narrative running through our child's head. These phrases are unhelpful, counterproductive and just plain negative.

And here's the kicker:

These negative and anxious thoughts can actually start to manifest into real physical symptoms, like headaches, stomachaches, dizziness, panic attacks, etc.

That's why it's so important to develop coping strategies and do everything we can to help our kids navigate these overwhelming emotions.

Phrases You Shouldn't Say to an Anxious Child

Before we look at all the awesome and supportive things we can say to our anxious kiddo, let's quickly go over a few of the common things we might say, and explain quickly why saying these things doesn't help.

Don't worry

This is all in your head

Why is this upsetting you so much, it's no big deal

Calm down

It's going to be ok

There's nothing to be afraid of

What's wrong with you?

You better snap out of it, or else

You're just a worrywart

You have no reason to be worried

This is so silly, don't worry about this

You're fine

Don't cry

And while it's not our intention to harm our child with these phrases (we actually want to help) these phrases are all so unhelpful.

Saying "calm down" has actually never likely made anyone feel calm - ever! It typically has the reverse effect.

If you perceived something as a legitimate threat, would any of the above statements make you feel better?

Now just imagine:

You are a young child, you don't understand your confusing feelings, they feel big, you are overwhelmed with fear, no one seems to understand. You look around and wish you could be as carefree as your classmates and siblings and you wonder what's wrong with you. Your parents just say, "calm down," and instead of feeling better you just feel naughty, and lonely.

We aren't teaching our kid's life-long coping skills. We need to help them manage their anxiety and anger so that they can thrive as an adult because anxiety isn't going anywhere. It doesn't disappear, but we can learn to cope.

So now that we've talked about a few things you shouldn't say to an anxious child, what should you say?

Well below are 17 super helpful phrases to calm an anxious child.

17 Phrases to Calm an Anxious Child

1. Beat it, Mr. Worry Bully

One of the best anxiety squashing techniques we have used is to name our worry, draw our worry, and then talk to it.

Don't worry, we won't check you into the looney bin. This is totally effective.

Giving worry a name allows our child to feel like they have some control. It gives a face and a name to a powerful, invisible force within them.

Whenever my son starts worrying I'll often say, is your Anxiety Ninja Bully back? (That's the name my son gave his worry bully).

Then we get bossy and tell that Anxiety Ninja Bully where to go and to get out of our heads.
This is also a great technique to show your child that their worries are separate from them. They are actually in control, not the worry bully.
In our Anxiety Kit for Kids, we've got a worksheet that encourages kids to name and draw their anxiety bullies.

2. This feeling will pass

Like everything else, start teaching your kiddo mindfulness, and within that, they will learn that everything passes, bad feelings (and good feelings too).

"This too shall pass" is one of my absolute favorite phrases to calm an anxious child.

When your kiddo is caught up, replaying that movie reel of bad thoughts, they sometimes feel that the movie will never end. Instead of trying to force them to stuff the worry away, remind your kiddo that relief is coming.

Kids can take a deep breath and know that the feeling will pass.

Perhaps you've noticed that when you inhale a big, slow, deep breath that you feel calmer, more relaxed and less anxious?

Well, our kids need this big breath too.

When we are anxious we tense up and less oxygen gets to our brains, this makes it hard to think clearly.

And a breathing break will give back a sense of calmness and control.

Breathing is one of my A+ strategies for helping anxious kids (and anxious adults). See here for 10 of the best breathing exercises for kids.

Acknowledge and empathize with your child that what they are feeling is difficult and valid.

One of the best phrases to calm an anxious child is simply to say, "I understand."

Just being heard and understood can make all the difference in the world.

Have you ever had something bothering you...eating away at you, and then, after you talk about it you feel a sense of relief like a weight has been lifted off of you.

By talking about your child's feelings and acknowledging that you understand that it is hard, and that you are here to help, you are validating your child, and this is a great place to start to find solutions to these difficult feelings.

5. You are in a safe place, you are safe and you are loved

Being told you are safe by the person you love most is a super powerful phrase.

We need to remember that anxiety manifests as physical symptoms, your body actually wants to run and it prepares for battle. Your heart pounds, your palms get sweaty and you feel dizzy and panicked.

And this is scary, especially for a young child who doesn't understand what's happening.

Feeling safe can calm the nervous system.

6. Why do you think that?

Here's an example:

My son often worries that he can't make friends or that no one likes him.

Instead of telling him, "Oh don't be silly, everyone loves you," which doesn't validate the root of why he is feeling that way, I can say, "Why do you think no one likes you?"

He will then think about it, and say, "Because my best friend plays with Tommy more than me." Or, "Some kids are making fun of me."

Now we are talking! And we can now get to the root of the problem and you can talk about it (and find solutions from there).

7. Tell Me All About it and What Can I Do to Help

Let your child openly talk about their fears instead of trying to repress them. Like you, kids need time to process their feelings and thoughts.
Don't offer solutions, just listen.

We often schedule worry time.

So I will say, "let's calm down, and we will schedule a worry date for tonight after school, we can spend 15 uninterrupted minutes talking about this."

Carve out time in your schedule to worry. After you talk about your worries, you'll find it much easier to say good-bye to the worry and move on.

You can also just sit with your child until they calm down, maybe sing or give a hug. You are your child's safe place, remember that, and you need to be there for them.

8. How Big is This Worry on a Scale of 1 to 10?

Putting quantifiable numbers to worry can help a child realize their worry isn't the end of the world.

They can realize that in the big picture this worry isn't that big of a deal. Or, maybe it is the biggest worry of all and you'll need to employ some calm down strategies or problem-solving solutions.

9. What do we know about this?

Gather up all the facts you can about the worry.

So for example, if your child is worried about attending a birthday party, gather up the facts.

We know Simon your best friend will be there, so you don't feel alone

There will be fun games

There will be kids you don't know, but also kids you do know.

Life can seem insurmountable amidst anxious thoughts. Break down the thoughts into manageable parts. This helps your child define the actual anxiety and start to find solutions.

You can also ask, "What does Science say about this?" For instance, if your child is worried about a tornado, research the statistics on tornadoes, like how often a tornado strikes. This might help them find perspective.

10. You are not alone. I feel scared about that too.

Let your child know it's completely normal to worry. Anxiety can feel lonely. A lot like a lone star high in the sky looking down at a bustling world on a starless night.

No one wants to feel alone and like they are the only ones suffering from these intrusive thoughts. (and thinking something is wrong with them).

Telling your child about your own age-appropriate times of anxiety helps them feel less alone. (and secretly kids love to hear stories about your childhood).

Try telling them what happened, how it made you feel (physically and mentally), how you got through it and your super helpful calm down strategies.

Anxiety has a way of making kids feel stuck, their thoughts might play on repeat like an old broken record of the Beejee's.

Yikes!

Help your kiddo find and see different solutions, and retell their internal dialogue with a new ending.

Perhaps they might flunk that test, but, they also might ace it and get tons of recognition from the teacher.

Have them also face their fears, what would actually happen if x, y, or z occurred? Discuss what that looks like and how you could handle that. This helps your child develop a plan which will help them cope if something does go wrong.

12. Tell me when two minutes have gone by

This is a genius suggestion from GoZen. Time is a powerful tool when children are anxious. By watching a clock or a watch for movement, a child has a focus point other than what is happening.

Distraction, avert focus onto something else and off of the snowballing thought.

13. Let me Worry About This For You

Can you offer to take on the problem and tell your child you will brainstorm solutions?

Many children experience anxiety around school. I send a kindness rock with my son to school, he keeps it in his pocket. Every time he feels worried, he rubs the rock and it passes his worries on to me. (If you want to make your own kindness rocks, you can grab our free Kindness printables here)

It also keeps him connected to me. I honestly thought this was a little far-fetched but it's been so effective in helping my son feel connected to me at school it's a tradition I hope we can carry on for years to come.

I also put an inspirational lunch box note in my son's lunch. This is one of my favorite ways to connect with my kiddo when he's at school. You can grab this printable set of 100 notes right here.

14. This is called anxiety - and we can make it go away

For young kids, they don't even realize that what they are experiencing is anxiety.

Help them understand some technical information on anxiety. So that when these feelings arise they can go, ah, there it is this is the anxiety my mom or dad was talking about.

When kids learn what anxiety is, they can start to use feeling words, and pull out their coping strategies.

Our Anxiety Kit for Kids has a ton of worksheets to help your kiddo understand what anxiety is, and start to recognize the symptoms within their bodies.

15. Repeat this, I am brave and I can do this.

If your child isn't feeling very confident and is worrying about an upcoming sporting event, test or social gathering, pump them up. You can use any of these phrases from our list of 101 positive things to say to kids.

If you want a free PDF poster of this printable, grab it right here.

Try instilling a growth mindset into your child. Fill up their bucket with love, confidence, support, and empowerment.

16. Think of something happy

One of the best ways to redirect an anxious mind is to let it settle on a different thought.

Think of something happy, a toy, a person, a place...anything that creates happy feelings instead of negative ones.

Using guided imagery or relaxation can be very helpful in helping an anxious child calm down.

"Imagine a place where you feel totally comfortable and happy, a favorite place you have been, somewhere you have seen, or completely made up."

17. Let's look at one thing, hear one thing and think of one thing.

Play a game where you find one thing you hear, then move one to one thing you see, then one thing you smell, then one thing you can touch.

Playing the senses game gets kids out of their heads and into the present moment.

Kids may also move into the present moment by coloring or playing with a calm down jar or a glitter wand.

Using Mindfulness to Help Calm an Anxious Child

In addition to these phrases to calm an anxious child, kids can learn mindfulness, and mindfulness will go along way to helping our children develop life-long coping skills.

We've got a ton of resources here for you, including our best selling mindfulness exercise book Mightly Mindful Kids, our detailed articles on how to teach mindfulness to kids, and why mindfulness is so important for kids.

Anxiety, unfortunately, might be a part of your child's life, and you can't make it go away completely, that's why it's crucial we teach kids coping strategies.

Books to Help Calm An Anxious Child

Coping Skills for Kids Workbook: Over 75 Coping Strategies to Help Kids Deal with Stress, Anxiety and Anger

What to Do When You Worry Too Much: A Kid's Guide to Overcoming Anxiety (What-to-Do Guides for Kids)

Anxiety Relief for Kids: On-the-Spot Strategies to Help Your Child Overcome Worry, Panic, and Avoidance

These phrases can help your anxious child, but if you notice that your child's anxiety is interrupting their lives, seem excessive, frequent and more intense than other kids there age it's likely time to seek professional help.

Be patient, learn how you can help, and start to teach anxiety management techniques and coping strategies to your child. The good news is that anxiety is very treatable and you can help!

Check out these awesome phrases to help calm an anxious child!

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
17 Phrases to Calm an Anxious Child - How to Help Kids With Anxiety

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
If your child suffers from anxiety or anger then you know how downright gut-wrenching it is to be unsure how to help them calm down. Well, instead of saying the wrong things, start saying the right things with any of these 17 phrases to calm an anxious child.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Hampshire Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services (CAMHS) are an NHS service that aims to help young people up to the age of 18 who are finding it…

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
Just like adults, children and young people feel worried and anxious at times.
But if your child's anxiety is starting to affect their wellbeing, they may need some help.

What makes children anxious?

Children can feel anxious about different things at different ages. Many of these worries are a normal part of growing up.

From the age of around 6 months to 3 years it's very common for young children to have separation anxiety. They may become clingy and cry when separated from their parents or carers. This is a normal stage in a child's development and should stop at around age 2 to 3.

It's also common for preschool-age children to develop specific fears or phobias. Common fears in early childhood include animals, insects, storms, heights, water, blood and the dark. These fears usually go away gradually on their own.

There may also be other times in a child's life when they feel anxious. For example, many children feel anxious when going to a new school or before tests and exams. Some children feel shy in social situations and may need support with this.

When is anxiety a problem for children?

Anxiety becomes a problem for children when it starts to get in the way of their everyday life.

If you go into any school at exam time, all the children will be anxious, but some may be so anxious that they do not manage to get to school that morning.

Severe anxiety like this can harm children's mental and emotional wellbeing, affecting their self-esteem and confidence. They may become withdrawn and go to great lengths to avoid things or situations that make them feel anxious.

What are the signs of anxiety in children?

When young children feel anxious, they cannot always understand or express what they are feeling. You may notice that they:

become irritable, tearful or clingy

have difficulty sleeping

wake in the night

start wetting the bed

have bad dreams

In older children you may notice that they:

lack confidence to try new things or seem unable to face simple, everyday challenges

find it hard to concentrate

have problems with sleeping or eating

have angry outbursts

have a lot of negative thoughts, or keep thinking that bad things are going to happen

start avoiding everyday activities, such as seeing friends, going out in public or going to school

Find out more about the symptoms of anxiety on our page about anxiety disorders in children.

Why is my child anxious?

Some children are more likely to have worries and anxiety than others.

Children often find change difficult and may become anxious following a house move or when starting a new school.

Children who have had a distressing or traumatic experience, such as a car accident or house fire, may have anxiety afterwards.

Family arguments and conflict can also make children feel insecure and anxious.

Teenagers are more likely to have social anxiety than other age groups, avoiding social gatherings or making excuses to get out of them.

Find out more about social anxiety.

How to help an anxious child

If a child is experiencing anxiety, there are things that parents and carers can do to help.

First and foremost, it's important to talk to your child about their anxiety or worries. Reassure them and show them you understand how they feel.

If your child is old enough, it may help to explain what anxiety is and the physical effects it has on our bodies. It may be helpful to describe anxiety as being like a wave that builds up and then ebbs away again.

As well as talking to your child about their worries and anxiety, it's important to help them find solutions.

For example, if your child is worried about going to a sleepover, it is natural to want to tell them not to go. However, this could mean your child feels that their anxiety will stop them from doing things.

It's better to recognise their anxiety and suggest solutions to help them, so they can go to the sleepover with a plan in place.

Other ways to ease anxiety in children

teach your child to recognise signs of anxiety in themselves

encourage your child to manage their anxiety and ask for help when they need it

children of all ages find routines reassuring, so try to stick to regular daily routines where possible

if your child is anxious because of distressing events, such as a bereavement or separation, look for books or films that will help them to understand their feelings

if you know a change, such as a house move, is coming up, prepare your child by talking to them about what is going to happen and why

try not to become overprotective or anxious yourself

practise simple relaxation techniques with your child, such as taking 3 deep, slow breaths, breathing in for a count of 3 and out for 3.

distraction can be helpful for young children. For example, if they are anxious about going to nursery, play games on the way there, such as seeing who can spot the most red cars

turn an empty tissue box into a "worry" box. Get your child to write about or draw their worries and "post" them into the box. Then you can sort through the box together at the end of the day or week

Find out more

When should we get help?

If your child's anxiety is severe, persists and interferes with their everyday life, it's a good idea to get some help.

A visit to a GP is a good place to start. If your child's anxiety is affecting their school life, it's a good idea to talk to their school as well.

Parents and carers can get help and advice about children's mental health from Young Minds' free parent helpline on 0808 802 5544, from Monday to Friday, 9.30am to 4pm.

Find out more about treatments on our page about anxiety disorders in children.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
How to help your child deal with anxiety about things such as going to school or socialising with friends. Also, how to tell when it's time to get medical help.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
What is anxiety?

Anxiety is a feeling of worry, fear or unease. It is often experienced as a combination of thoughts, feelings and physical sensations in our body.

All children and young people feel worried sometimes. This is a normal, human reaction to things that feel stressful. For example, before an exam a young person may feel more worried than usual. But they will soon feel calmer after the stressful event has passed.

Anxiety becomes a problem when a child or young person feels stuck in it. When this happens, it can become an overwhelming experience. It can also affect their daily life and limit the things they feel able to do.

If your child or young person is struggling with anxiety, there are things you can do to help them. We've got advice to help you provide reassuring support, work on strategies together and find professional help if they need it.

What makes young people anxious?

A child or young person may be anxious for different reasons. Feeling a bit more worried sometimes is normal and there is not always a clear reason for this. But if your child is feeling unmanageable amounts of anxiety, this is often a sign that something in their life isn't quite right. They may need support to work out what the problem is.

This video by St Catherine's College is a useful way of understanding how stress and anxiety might build up in a person's life.

The following kinds of things can make some children and young people feel anxious:

finding school difficult or experiencing school anxiety

being around someone else who is very anxious, such as a parent

going through a significant change, such as moving house, parents separating or changing school

the death or illness of a close family member or friend

having lots of responsibility, for example caring for other people in their family

experiencing family stress around things like housing, money and debt

going through experiences in which they do not feel safe, such as being bullied, witnessing or experiencing abuse, or experiencing discrimination such as racism, homophobia or transphobia

not getting the right support or having their needs recognised if they have a neurodiverse condition such as autism or ADHD

Signs of anxiety in children and young people

Anxiety often affects our body, thoughts, feelings and behaviour. A child or young person who is struggling with anxiety may also behave differently or start using coping mechanisms to try to manage or avoid the anxiety. Below are some of the signs to look out for in children and young people.

Young people share their experience of anxiety.

How to help your child or young person when they feel panicky

In a very anxious moment, your child or young person may feel frightened or worried about having a panic attack. If this happens, focus on helping them to calm down and feel safe. The strategies below can help.

Breathe slowly and deeply together

Show/hide caption

A hand with five fingers spread. A pointed finger shows instructions for moving around each finger with the words 'Breathe in' as you move upwards, and 'Breathe out' as you move downwards.

Together, hold your hands out in front of you. Trace the outline of each of your fingers slowly with your other hand. Breathe in as you go up each finger, and out as you come down. Move and breathe as slowly as feels comfortable. Over time, encourage your child or young person to breathe out for one or two counts longer than they breathe in. This can help their body to relax.

If you would like to have a copy of this technique with you, you can download and print our resource.

Try using all five senses together

Show/hide caption

A picture of eyes, an ear, a hand, a nose and a mouth. Text reads next to each one: "5 things you can see. 4 things you can hear. 3 things you can touch. 2 things you can smell. 1 thing you can taste."

Connecting with what we can see, touch, hear, smell and taste is sometimes called 'grounding'. Doing grounding techniques can make us feel more present and bring us back into our body. This can reduce the intensity of our anxiety. Think together about what they can see, touch, hear, smell and taste.

For example, they might notice: five different colours; four soft things in the room; three sounds like cars going past the window or the noise of the washing machine; two things they can smell, like a scented candle or a piece of fruit; and one thing they find soothing to eat.

If you would like to have a copy of this technique with you, you can download and print our resource.

Remember, you don't need to do all of these things each time. Everyone is different, and it's about figuring out which of these strategies suits them best.

After they have calmed down, it can help to remind them that the panicky feeling did not last forever. They were able to do things that helped and the feeling stopped.

How to help your child or young person manage their anxiety

As well as managing panicky moments, your child or young person can also learn how to deal with their anxiety over the longer-term.

Many of these strategies are about helping them to understand how their anxiety works and what helps them. The more confident they feel about this, the more they will believe in their ability to cope. This can make anxiety feel more manageable.

As you think about strategies you might try, always remind yourself you're doing your best. It's natural to feel a bit overwhelmed sometimes. But remember, you do not need to try five different things at once. Have a look through these suggestions and pick one or two things you think might help.

There are some daily activities that are really important for our mental health. These are:

physical exercise, or some movement

sleeping well

eating healthily

drinking water

connecting and spending quality time with loved ones

They might sound simple, but they can have a big effect on our mood. Regular exercise can be particularly important because it can help to reduce feelings of anxiety in the body. It doesn't have to be much - walking or gentle yoga can help.

If you have a teenager or young adult, reducing alcohol and caffeinated drinks such as coffee can help. This is because they can trigger the physical symptoms of anxiety.

Some children and young people will need support from a mental health professional. They may benefit from a specific diagnosis or a treatment such as talking therapy. You can find more information about this below.

Young people tell us it also helps to...

think about something you're looking forward to

imagine your thoughts leaving your brain and floating off into the sky

keep yourself occupied

have time out

reflect on how you're feeling

talk to other people you trust

remind yourself you're not alone - odds are someone in your friendship circle has anxiety or depression too

Finding professional help

You might also find helpful...

Useful helplines and websites

While we take care to ensure that the organisations we signpost to provide high quality information and advice, we cannot take responsibility for any specific pieces of advice they may offer. We encourage parents and carers to always explore the website of a linked service or organisation to understand who they are and what support they offer before engaging with them.

Whether you love the page or think something is missing, we appreciate your feedback. It all helps us to support more young people with their mental health.

Please be aware that this form isn't a mental health support service. If your child is in crisis right now and you want to talk to someone urgently, find out who to contact on our urgent help page.

At YoungMinds we take your privacy seriously. If you'd like to read more about how we keep the information we collect safe, take a look at our privacy policy.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
Supporting A Child With Anxiety | Tips and Advice

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
If your child or teenager is struggling with anxiety, we've got information about signs and treatment, and practical strategies you can do together.

# data[].attributes.headline
What to do (and not do) when children are anxious

# data[].attributes.subject
What to do (and not do) when children are anxious

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
When children are chronically anxious, even the most well-meaning parents, not wanting a child to suffer, can actually make the youngster's anxiety worse. It happens when parents try to protect kids from their fears. Here are pointers for helping children escape the cycle of anxiety.

None of us wants to see a child unhappy, but the best way to help kids overcome anxiety isn't to try to remove stressors that trigger it. It's to help them learn to tolerate their anxiety and function as well as they can, even when they're anxious. And as a byproduct of that, the anxiety will decrease over time.

Helping children avoid the things they are afraid of will make them feel better in the short term, but it reinforces the anxiety over the long run. Let's say a child in an uncomfortable situation gets upset and starts to cry - not to be manipulative, but just because that's how they feel. If their parents whisk them out of there, or remove the thing they're afraid of, the child has learned that coping mechanism. And that cycle has the potential to repeat itself.

You can't promise a child that their fears are unrealistic-that they won't fail a test, that they'll have fun ice skating, or that another child won't laugh at them during show & tell. But you can express confidence that they're going to be okay, that they will be able to manage it. And you can let them know that as they face those fears, the anxiety level will drop over time. This gives them confidence that your expectations are realistic, and that you're not going to ask them to do something they can't handle.

It's important to understand that validation doesn't always mean agreement. So if a child is terrified about going to the doctor because they're due for a shot, you don't want to belittle those fears, but you also don't want to amplify them. You want to listen and be empathetic, help them understand what they're anxious about, and encourage them to feel that they can face their fears. The message you want to send is, "I know you're scared, and that's okay, and I'm here, and I'm going to help you get through this."

Encourage your child to talk about their feelings, but try not to ask leading questions- "Are you anxious about the big test? Are you worried about the science fair?" To avoid feeding the cycle of anxiety, just ask open-ended questions: "How are you feeling about the science fair?"

What you don't want to do is be saying, with your tone of voice or body language: "Maybe this is something that you should be afraid of." Let's say a child has had a negative experience with a dog. Next time they're around a dog, you might be anxious about how they will respond, and you might unintentionally send a message that they should, indeed, be worried.

Let your child know that you appreciate the work it takes to tolerate anxiety in order to do what they want or need to do. It's really encouraging them to engage in life and to let the anxiety take its natural curve. We call it the "habituation curve." That means that it will drop over time as he continues to have contact with the stressor. It might not drop to zero, it might not drop as quickly as you would like, but that's how we get over our fears.

When we're afraid of something, the hardest time is really before we do it. So another rule of thumb for parents is to really try to eliminate or reduce the anticipatory period. If a child is nervous about going to a doctor's appointment, you don't want to launch into a discussion about it two hours before you go; that's likely to get your child more keyed up. So just try to shorten that period to a minimum.

Sometimes it helps to talk through what would happen if a child's fear came true-how would they handle it? A child who's anxious about separating from their parents might worry about what would happen if a parent didn't come to pick them up. So we talk about that. If your mom doesn't come at the end of soccer practice, what would you do? "Well I would tell the coach my mom's not here." And what do you think the coach would do? "Well he would call my mom. Or he would wait with me." A child who's afraid that a stranger might be sent to pick them up can have a code word from their parents that anyone they sent would know. For some kids, having a plan can reduce the uncertainty in a healthy, effective way.

There are multiple ways you can help kids handle anxiety by letting them see how you cope with anxiety yourself. Kids are perceptive, and they're going to take it in if you keep complaining on the phone to a friend that you can't handle the stress or the anxiety. I'm not saying to pretend that you don't have stress and anxiety, but let kids hear or see you managing it calmly, tolerating it, feeling good about getting through it.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
What to Do (and Not Do) When Children Are Anxious - Child Mind Institute

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
How to help a child with anxiety? We bring expert parenting advice on assisting children to escape the cycle of anxiety. Learn what to do and not to do, anxiety treatments, and behavioral modification techniques.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
Are you or your child struggling with anxious thoughts? Psychologist Dr Anna Colton explains seven quick, easy and simple techniques that you can try at home, with your child or by yourself, to manage these thoughts and tackle day-to-day anxiety.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
How to tackle anxiety with Dr Anna Colton

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Are you or your child struggling with anxious thoughts? Psychologist Dr Anna Colton explains seven quick, easy and simple techniques that you can try at home, with your child or by yourself, to manage these thoughts and tackle day-to-day anxiety.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
Parenting and Family Support - Family Lives (Parentline Plus) | Family Lives

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Parenting and family support from Family Lives (formerly Parentline Plus) through our website, helpline 0808 800 2222, email service at askus@familylives.org.uk, live chat and local services.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.provider_name
Support for Parents from Action For Children

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
Parent Talk - down-to-earth parenting advice you can trust

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
We're on hand to support parents, when they need us. Find answers to your questions in our advice articles, or speak to one of our parenting coaches.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.authors[].name
Our Mental Health Space - Sussex Partnership NHS Foundation Trust

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.authors[].name
Our Mental Health Space - Sussex Partnership NHS Foundation Trust

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.authors[].name
Our Mental Health Space - Sussex Partnership NHS Foundation Trust

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.authors[].name
Our Mental Health Space - Sussex Partnership NHS Foundation Trust

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.authors[].name
Our Mental Health Space - Sussex Partnership NHS Foundation Trust

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.authors[].name
Our Mental Health Space - Sussex Partnership NHS Foundation Trust

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.authors[].name
Our Mental Health Space - Sussex Partnership NHS Foundation Trust

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.authors[].name
Our Mental Health Space - Sussex Partnership NHS Foundation Trust

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.authors[].name
Our Mental Health Space - Sussex Partnership NHS Foundation Trust

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.authors[].name
Our Mental Health Space - Sussex Partnership NHS Foundation Trust

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.authors[].name
Our Mental Health Space - Sussex Partnership NHS Foundation Trust

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.authors[].name
Our Mental Health Space - Sussex Partnership NHS Foundation Trust

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.authors[].name
Our Mental Health Space - Sussex Partnership NHS Foundation Trust

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.authors[].name
Our Mental Health Space - Sussex Partnership NHS Foundation Trust

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.authors[].name
Our Mental Health Space - Sussex Partnership NHS Foundation Trust

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.authors[].name
Our Mental Health Space - Sussex Partnership NHS Foundation Trust

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.provider_name
Support for Parents from Action For Children

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
Sleep - Support for Parents from Action For Children

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Bedtime, naps, and the questions that keep us awake at night. Get sleep advice from our parenting coaches.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.authors[].name
Our Mental Health Space - Sussex Partnership NHS Foundation Trust

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.authors[].name
Our Mental Health Space - Sussex Partnership NHS Foundation Trust

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.authors[].name
Our Mental Health Space - Sussex Partnership NHS Foundation Trust

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.authors[].name
Our Mental Health Space - Sussex Partnership NHS Foundation Trust

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.authors[].name
Our Mental Health Space - Sussex Partnership NHS Foundation Trust

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.authors[].name
Our Mental Health Space - Sussex Partnership NHS Foundation Trust

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.authors[].name
Our Mental Health Space - Sussex Partnership NHS Foundation Trust

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
The following information could help if your child has lost or is about to lose someone, such as a family member or friend.

If your child is about to lose someone

If a child has a loved one, such as a friend or family member who's going to die, they can benefit from special support.

A child's stress level is often at its highest before bereavement because of fear and the unknown.

Pre-bereavement counselling gives a child a chance to think and talk about their feelings and share their worries.
The YoungMinds website has more information on counselling services for children and young people
Making a memory box

If you're a parent and you know you're going to die, you could make a memory box to give to your child, or make one together.

A memory box contains things that remind you both of your time together. It can provide an important link between you and your child once you've gone.
Macmillan Cancer Support has information about making a memory box

If a child has lost someone

Talk about the person who has died

During bereavement, it can help a child to talk about the person who's died, whether it was a grandparent, parent, brother, sister or friend.

Direct, honest and open communication is more helpful than trying to protect your child by hiding the truth. If you exclude them from family ceremonies and services after someone has died it could make them feel excluded.

This can also help your child be open about their own feelings and avoid confusion about what has happened. It may be helpful to talk as a family, perhaps with your child, about how to include them in any events that celebrate or say goodbye to the person who has died.

It's important for them to have someone with whom they can talk about that person and share their emotions. This could be through photos, games, memory boxes or stories.

Over time, children may start to talk more about their loss at different times and in different ways. Young children may start talking about death or including it in their play, but this is normal and is a way for them to make sense of what has happened.

Further support for your child

There are also bereavement charities that offer helplines, email support, and online communities and message boards for children.

These include:

Child Bereavement UK - call 0800 028 8840 Monday to Friday, 9am to 5pm, or email helpline@childbereavementuk.org

Cruse Bereavement Care - call 0808 808 1677 Monday and Friday, 9.30am to 5pm; Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday 9.30am to 8pm; Saturday and Sunday 10am to 2pm

Grief Encounter - call 0808 802 0111 Monday to Friday, 9am to 9pm, or email contact@griefencounter.org.uk

Hope Again - call 0808 808 1677 Monday to Friday, 9.30am to 5pm, or email hopeagain@cruse.org.uk

Winston's Wish - call 0808 802 0021 Monday to Friday, 8am to 8pm, or email ask@winstonswish.org

You can also find out more about children and bereavement from the Childhood Bereavement Network
Make a memory box

If the person who's died did not leave a memory box, you could make one with your child.

It can include:

gifts

shells collected on the beach

memories written on a card

anything that makes the child feel connected to that person

Don't forget to look after yourself

It's important to make sure you're also getting the support you need after a loss. This can also help you to better support your child.
Read more about getting help with grief after bereavement or loss

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Find out what to do and where to find bereavement support if your child has lost a loved one or has a loved one who's dying.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Home page for Simon Says Child Bereavement Support charity showing support activities and ways you can support the charity.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
On this page, you'll find information to help you support your child or young person with grief and loss. We've also got advice about where you can find grief support services.

Get advice and updates directly to your inbox

Join our fight for children and young people's mental health. Sign up to the YoungMinds mailing list to receive our monthly e-newsletter, campaign updates, information about events and fundraising and other opportunities to get involved in our work.

Sign up to emails

Guide Menu for Grief and loss

What is grief?

Losing someone we love and feel close to, or going through a bereavement, can be extremely painful. Grief is our natural response to this loss, and it is a process rather than an event.

Your child or young person, as well as you and other family members, may be grieving because:

someone in the family has died, like a parent, grandparent or sibling

their friend or someone at school has died

they have lost someone by suicide

someone they are close to has become ill

a pet has died or been lost

What does grief feel like?

Grief feels different to every individual child or young person. Our feelings around grief also change over time.

It's important to remember that there is no right or wrong way to grieve. It's okay to feel whatever emotion we do, and to process it in our own way. It's a time for being kind and patient with ourselves.

You might sometimes hear people talk about the 'stages of grief' or the 'grief cycle'. These describe some of the common feelings that people who are grieving can experience.

What are the 'stages of grief'?

1. Denial - for example, feeling confused, numb or in shock.

2. Anger - this might be towards the person who has died, or with the world in general.

3. Bargaining - for example, going over things from the past, or feeling guilty or anxious.

4. Depression - this might feel like intense sadness or loneliness about living without the person.

5. Acceptance - this might be feeling more able to live with our grief, rather than feeling we have 'got over it'.

It's important to understand that not everyone experiences all these things, and that we do not move through these stages one-by-one.

We might move forwards or backwards between them, or experience them in any order. Or we might feel different emotions.

Your child or young person might also experience some of the physical signs of grief. These can include:

waves of crying, which can sometimes feel like they come out of the blue

feeling unwell or sick

eating more or less than before

being extremely tired

finding it difficult to get to sleep

finding it difficult to concentrate, including at school

It's helpful to remember that it is normal for your child or young person to feel and experience these things after a loss.

Tips for talking about grief and loss

If your child doesn't want to talk

If your child or young person feels uncomfortable about talking, you could try starting a conversation while doing an activity. This can help them to relax by making it feel less like a 'big chat'. Have a look at our activity suggestions to get some ideas.

It's also okay to give them some space, especially with older children and teenagers. Sometimes it helps to just sit together quietly, or to offer a hand squeeze or hug. Reassure them that it's okay to talk to someone else they trust too.

You can find more tips about talking in our guide.

Helping your child or young person to cope with grief

Supporting your child or young person with a sudden death

When someone they're close to dies suddenly or unexpectedly, children and young people are likely to feel extremely shocked. They may find it impossible to believe that it's happened, or feel numb and empty. They might find it difficult to talk, or to eat or drink. They may experience physical symptoms like tummy aches, headaches and being extremely tired. These reactions are a normal way of coping with huge shock.

In the days and weeks after a sudden death, the most important thing you can do is provide safety and support.

Grief and loss support services

There are lots of organisations who provide counselling and other types of support to families, children and young people after a bereavement.

Sometimes, the grieving process starts before someone dies. For example, when we know they are ill and they are going to die soon. This is sometimes called 'anticipatory grief'. In pre-bereavement counselling, your child or young person can talk through their feelings and worries. Some hospices and other organisations offer this service. Speak to the professionals supporting your family to see what's available.

In bereavement or grief counselling, your child or young person will have a space to talk. They can also start to process some of their feelings around what's happened. You may be able to access this service through:

Let your child or young person know about the grief support services that are available to them via phone, text or online chat. You can find a list of support services below.

Over the longer-term, a counsellor or therapist can listen, provide emotional support and help your child or young person to make sense of their feelings. They can also support them to find ways of coping. You can find out how your child or young person can access counselling and therapy in our guide for parents.

If you have wider concerns about your child's mental health, it's a good idea to speak to the GP about next steps. They can find out more about what's going on and refer your child for more specialist help.

Looking after yourself

Supporting a young person who is grieving can be a very emotional experience. Take time to look after yourself and top up your own batteries when you can. If you are also grieving, things may feel overwhelming at times. Allow space for your own grief too. Remember that it's okay to ask for help from family and friends when you need it.

If you need support with your own grief, or you're struggling to cope, it's really important that you get the help you need. This will make you more able to be there for your child. You can access counselling, helpline support and support groups via the grief services listed below.

Useful helplines and websites

While we take care to ensure that the organisations we signpost to provide high quality information and advice, we cannot take responsibility for any specific pieces of advice they may offer. We encourage parents and carers to always explore the website of a linked service or organisation to understand who they are and what support they offer before engaging with them.

Help us improve our content

Whether you love the page or think something is missing, we appreciate your feedback. It all helps us to support more young people with their mental health.

Please be aware that this form isn't a mental health support service. If your child is in crisis right now and you want to talk to someone urgently, find out who to contact on our urgent help page.

At YoungMinds we take your privacy seriously. If you'd like to read more about how we keep the information we collect safe, take a look at our privacy policy.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
A guide to supporting a child or young person with grief, bereavement or loss, including information about finding grief counselling and other help.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
Advice on supporting bereaved children and young people

Our blog is packed with advice and information from our Bereavement support Workers on supporting grieving children and young people. Below are some key articles, or click the button below to browse our blog.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
Information and advice on supporting a bereaved child

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Supporting a bereaved child can be tough. At Winston's Wish we provide information and guidance about our bereavement service, support for grief and loss.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
Children and young people grieve just as much as adults but they show it in different ways. They learn how to grieve by copying the responses of the adults around them, and rely on adults to provide them with the support they need in their grief.
Further guidance that may be helpful:
How might bereaved children react and what may help?

Children and young people have a limited ability to put feelings and thoughts into words and tend to show feelings with behaviours rather than words. Reactions will vary greatly as children absorb and process information in different ways at different ages.

The following reactions are common, and are likely to settle over time with reassurance, acknowledging what has happened and their feelings, giving them clear and age-appropriate information, and keeping to normal routines.

Picking up on tension and distress

Children pick up on tension, distress or anxiety in adults, and may mirror this in their own behaviour. Even babies sense that something important is missing, and may cry more than usual. Children of all ages may be clingy or unsettled.

Appearing not to react

Children under 6 years old do not understand that death is permanent. Children cannot handle strong emotions for long periods, and may jump quickly in and out of grief ('puddle jumping'). When told that someone important has died, some children may look blank and ask 'can I play' or 'what's for tea?' They may have heard, but they are not able to process what that means yet. They may react later with sudden crying, outbursts, changes in behaviour or asking questions.

Asking questions and exploring what death means

Children may ask repeatedly: "When's Nanny coming back?" or "Where has she gone?" even though they've been told clearly what has happened. They may hunt everywhere for a 'lost' person, and so a clear explanation of what 'died' means may help. Children may play games where the person dies, or is still alive. They may seem fascinated with death, play-act about death or ask repeatedly about it. All of these are ways that children show that they are processing their understanding of what has happened.

Feeling anxious or insecure

When someone dies, a child's sense of safety is rocked. They may not want to leave you, and may cling to you or follow you everywhere. They may behave as if they are younger: being very quiet or tearful, having temper flare-ups, sucking their thumb, being reluctant to do things they used to do with confidence, or wetting the bed.

Try to keep to normal routines which will help them feel safe, and keep them informed about plans for the days ahead. Tell them who will take them to school or activities. If you need to leave them, tell them when you will be home, or who will be looking after them.
Include them in simple decision-making that affects them. If the person who died was ill, address any fears about the illness (for example that it is not catching), and reassure them that you are not ill and not leaving them.

Anger

Anger and other strong emotions are natural reactions to sad or shocking news, and some children and young people may not be able to understand or manage their own feelings. They may feel angry at the person who died, at family, at themselves or at the world in general.

It can help to tell them it is understandable for them to be angry, as long as they don't hurt themselves or anyone else. Safe ways to release anger include hitting cushions, vigorous physical exercise, messy painting sessions, or going outside to shout very loudly.

Another idea is a 'safe zone' where they can go to calm down. This could be a quiet corner with familiar items that help them to feel safe.

Looking after adults or feeling responsible

As children realise that death is permanent, they also become aware that it happens to other people including themselves. They may be protective and try to look after their important adults and siblings. They may feel that they were somehow responsible for the death.

Primary aged children may show 'magical thinking' where they think 'if I do this, Dad will come back'. They may behave very well to compensate for what's happened, or be less well-behaved because they feel angry or guilty.

Denying what has happened or taking risks

Bereavement can be overwhelming, and can bring huge changes, alongside other challenges that young people face as they grow up. They may want to forget or deny the death or how strongly they feel. They may feel 'what's the point?' with school or social activities. Some young people may be impulsive or take risks, in an attempt to get back some control in a life that for them currently feels very out of control.

What helps grieving children and young people

Every child is unique and will cope with the death of someone important in their own way. There is no magic formula but things that help include:

Clear, honest and age-appropriate information

Reassurance that they are not to blame and that different feelings are OK

Normal routines and a clear demonstration that important adults are there for them

Time to talk about what has happened, ask questions and build memories

Being listened to and given time to grieve in their own way

Further information

More about how children and young people grieve, and what helps:

Finding support

For many bereaved children and young people, they may get all the support they need from those already around them that they know and trust. However, some children and young people may need additional support depending on their situation.

Latest

Most read

Tag cloud

Short films delivered by our support practitioners giving guidance on a range of bereavement topics. Read more

A list of books and resources relating to grief and bereavement and what may help. Read more

Watch short films and read experiences of bereaved families and how support has helped them. Read more

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.keywords[]
charity bereavement child death grief loss baby stillbirth miscarriage suicide young people

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
Supporting bereaved children and young people

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Children and young people grieve just as much as adults but they show it in different ways. Find out how you can help them and more about child grieving.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
Children, young people and grief - Cruse Bereavement Support

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Children & young people experience the same sorts of feelings as adults when someone dies. But they may express them differently.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
Coping with a change in routine

Families living with a faddy eater often find themselves under additional stress when there's a change in routine. Holidays abroad can be difficult and as your child gets older they may avoid sleepovers or friends' birthday parties because of food concerns. Food is one of the few things that a child has control over and refusing to eat or rejecting foods are common 'assertive' behaviours.

"If the child is thriving and there are no problems with growth and development, it is better to leave well alone. More than likely they will grow out of it," adds Claudine. Anita Bean, registered nutritionist and author of Healthy Eating for Kids agrees. "Children do not voluntarily starve themselves. They are programmed for survival - as long as there is food available, children will make sure they get enough."

"Some children are very good at using food to wind up their parents. They know that food refusal results in attention, even unfavourable, and so a vicious cycle sets up." Vivien Wigg, Senior Paediatric Dietician at Great Ormond Street Hospital, sees many children who are afraid or suspicious of new foods (called neophobia). She says it may take months or even years before they are ready to try new things.

Parents of fussy eaters worry that if it carries on long-term, it could stunt development. However, children with selective eating have a very good long-term outlook, adds Claudine. Their diets usually contain enough protein, carbohydrates, fat, vitamins and minerals so they will be healthy and grow normally, she says. "If your child is not upset or worried about eating, then there is little that you need to do. You should try to accept the narrow diet, expecting that it will become wider in time."

By the time they become teenagers, almost all will have grown out of it. Even the approximate 1% who carry on to be selective eaters as adults don't appear to have any long-term consequences.

What can help your young child

Do have structured meal-times. Don't rush. Avoid talking about food and try not to put pressure on the situation.

Do let your children see that you enjoy eating healthy meals. "They are more likely to eat foods that they have seen you eat," explains Anita.

Do praise your child when they try something new - but don't overdo it.

Do get your children involved in cooking, advises Anita. "This will increase their interest in the food, and they're more likely to eat a meal they've helped prepare."

Do think of different ways to present foods, says Vivien: "Your child may refuse fresh tomato but accept a tomato based pizza, for example. Some parents disguise fruit and vegetables, pureeing vegetables into a mince-based dish, or using fruit purees in jellies and in cooking."

Do set a time limit of, say 20-30 minutes for the meal. If the food isn't eaten, take it away.

What to avoid

"Don't ever bribe children," warns Vivien. "It's a very common mistake to make but avoid it at all costs, particularly rewarding children with a pudding."

Don't get cross: Refusing food loses its appeal if you don't react, explains Anita.

Don't provide an alternative meal. "Just remove the meal and make no comment," says Vivien. "Offer bread and butter and perhaps a glass of milk but never cook multiple meals as your child could misconstrue it as a game."

Don't let your child fill up between meals on snacks, juice and fizzy drinks.

Don't let your child hear you talking about how fussy they are," warns Vivien. "This will only make an issue of their eating habits and make them feel isolated and singled out."

Things you can try

Make sure your child is hungry before mealtimes.

Let them serve themselves. Put the food in dishes so they can choose how much to take.

Think small: A big pile of food on the plate can be off-putting for children. Try tiny broccoli florets, small squares of toast, super-thin apple slices.

Serve a new food with a food they like: mix an unfamiliar food, like peppers, into pasta sauce, soup, or curry - but don't try and hide them under other foods otherwise you risk the whole meal being rejected.

Keep trying! If a food is rejected, it doesn't mean they will never eat it. Children's tastes do change over time. It can take up to eight to 10 attempts to get a child to eat a new food.

Invite other children round who you know eat heartily! Experiments have shown that children often copy their peers at meal times.

Further resources

It may help to chat to other parents on our forums to find out how they are dealing with this issue within their family life. You can also talk to us online via our live chat service, email us at askus@familylives.org.uk or call us on our helpline on 0808 800 2222 to speak to trained family support worker. Alternatively, you can speak to your Health Visitor for some guidance. The NHS website has lots of helpful information too on healthy eating for young children.

Other organisations that may be useful:
Henry has lots of helpful advice on helping your young child Watch our video below on top tips for healthy eating

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Families living with a faddy eater often find themselves under additional stress when there's a change in routine. Holidays abroad can be difficult and as your child gets older they may avoid sleepovers or friends' birthday parties because of food concerns.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
If your child has been diagnosed with an eating disorder, here's what you can do to help.

Talk to them about it

If your child becomes withdrawn, touchy or moody, it might make it difficult to talk to them. It may be even more difficult if they cannot accept they have a problem.

But talking about their condition is needed for their recovery, so keep trying.

They might come across as angry, even if they're really feeling scared or insecure.

It might be difficult for them to talk about their feelings, so be patient and listen to what they're trying to say.

It can help if you:

stay calm and prepare what you're going to say to them - do not blame or judge them, just focus on how they're feeling

avoid talking about their appearance, even if you're trying to say something nice

try to use sentences starting with "I", like, "I'm worried because you do not seem happy", rather than sentences beginning with "you"

avoid discussing people's diets or weight problems

try not to feel hurt if they do not open up straight away

do not be upset if they are being secretive, because this is part of their illness, not their relationship with you

Get advice on how to talk to your teenager

Try these mealtime tips

Mealtimes can be particularly difficult. You may find the following advice helpful:

if your child is in treatment, ask their treatment team for advice on how to cope with mealtimes

try to make meal plans with your child that you both agree to

agree with the family that none of you will talk about portion sizes, calories or anything else about the meal

avoid eating low-calorie or diet foods in front of them or having them in the house

try to keep things lighthearted and positive throughout the meal, even if you do not feel that way on the inside

if your child tries to get too involved in cooking the meal as a way of controlling it, gently ask them to set the table or wash up instead

try not to focus too much on them during mealtimes - enjoy your own meal and try to make conversation

a family activity after the meal, such as a game or watching TV, can help distract them from wanting to purge or overexercise

do not worry if a meal goes badly, and just move on

Support for your child

If your child is being treated for an eating disorder, their treatment team will play a big part in their recovery.

But do not underestimate the importance of your love and support.

It may help to:

learn as much as possible about eating disorders, so you understand what you're dealing with

keep telling them that you love them and will always be there for them

make them aware of the professional help available

suggest activities they could do that do not involve food, such as hobbies and spending time with friends

ask them what you can do to help

try to be honest about your own feelings, as this will encourage them to do the same

be a good role model by eating a balanced diet and doing a healthy amount of exercise

try to build their confidence, for example, praise them for being thoughtful or congratulate them on something they've done

Get support for yourself

Ask a GP or a health professional in your child's treatment team for advice on how to help at home.

It's important the whole family understands the situation and has support.

The following organisations offer advice online:

You can also ask your GP about support groups for parents caring for someone with an eating disorder.
Find services for people with eating disorders

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Find out what you can do to help if your child has been diagnosed with an eating disorder.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
An eating disorder is a serious mental illness that involves a person developing thoughts, feelings and eating behaviour which can take over a person's life and make them very unwell. Eating disorders can involve eating too much or too little and becoming really unhappy, worried and preoccupied with things such as weight and shape. It's important to remember that lots of people worry about what they look like and from time to time and might be unhappy with their weight or shape, but for someone with an eating disorder these thoughts and feelings can have a serious impact on their life. It can impact on physical health, education and general daily living, such as hanging out with friends, spending time with family, going out and taking part in activities.

There is no one cause of an eating disorder. Young people who develop eating difficulties and disorders often tell us that eating or not eating can be a way of coping with feelings of sadness, worry and stress. Sometimes life stressors such as exams, bullying, friendship or family relationship difficulties and bereavement or loss may play a part in how someone copes or feels about themselves. There are also some personal factors such as having low self-esteem, experiencing anxiety or depression, setting high standards and being perfectionistic and identifying as LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual or Transsexual) are sometimes associated with people who develop eating disorders. However, experiencing any one of these things does not necessarily mean that someone will develop an eating disorder or difficulty.

There are many different types of eating disorders and all of them are serious. All eating disorders are treatable and a full recovery is possible. It is important to notice that you might be having a difficulty and ask for help and advice as soon as possible.

Here are some signs that there might be a problem and it's time to get help;

Constant thinking or worrying about food, calories, weight gain or your shape. You might notice that it is hard to concentrate on other things.

Reducing your food in order to lose weight and setting yourself strict rules about what you can or cannot eat.

Trying to do other things to lose weight, such as lots of exercise, vomiting taking laxatives (medication to help you go to the toilet) or slimming pills.

You might become tired and more emotional (tearful, irritable).

If you're a girl, your periods might stop.

Other people might start noticing and commenting that they are worried about you

Not everyone who has an eating disorder will experience all the signs and symptoms. Also, if you are experiencing some of these signs and symptoms this does necessarily mean that you have an eating disorder, but it is important to get help and advice.

There are a number of downloadable workbooks and self-help materials you might find useful.

* What's eating you? A Workbook for Teens with Anorexia, Bulimia, and Other Eating Disorders by Tammy Nelson

* Getting Over Overeating for Teens: A Workbook to Transform Your Relationship with Food Using CBT, Mindfulness, and Intuitive Eating by Andrea Watcher

* Body Image Workbook for Teens: Activities to Help Girls Develop a Healthy Body Image in an Image-Obsessed World by Julia Taylor

* Self-Esteem Workbook for Teens: Activities to Help You Build Confidence and Achieve Your Goals by Lisa Scab

Skills Based Learning for Caring for a loved one with an eating disorder; The New Maudsley Method by Janet Treasure, Grainne Smith and Anna Crane

Anorexia and other eating disorders; how to help your child eat well and be well by Eva Musby

Food Refusal and Avoidant Eating in Children (including those with Autism Spectrum Conditions); A practical guide for parents and professionals

Self-Harm and Eating Disorders in Schools; A guide to whole school strategies and practical support by Pooky Knightsmit

CAMHS Eating Difficulties and Disorders Referral Guidance
What we do, what we don't do and what you can do if you are worried about your child
Many young people go through phases of dieting and not eating enough. Sometimes this can tip into developing an eating disorder. Here's a guide to help you know how best to support your young person if they are experiencing eating difficulties. This is not an exhaustive list; young people may experience symptoms which may not be included on this guide.

Green

Coping/ needs for support; These are experiences that most young people will have from time to time
Type and nature of distress
It is common for children and young people to experience eating difficulties during childhood and adolescence. These tend to be short term, have no impact on physical health or daily functioning (e.g., going to school, seeing friends, taking part in hobbies or activities) and can be managed with clear boundaries combined with the love and support of parents/ carers.
What you might see or a young person might report

Faddy or fussy eating; only eating a limited repertoire of foods (certain colours, textures, temperatures)

Wanting to or trying to diet by 'eating healthily' or following food movements such as the 'clean eating', 'raw food', 'vegan'

Taking a more active interest in food, meal preparation, e.g. checking food labels or packaging

Taking a more active interest in fitness/ health or wellbeing

Increase in activity/ exercise

Talk about body dissatisfaction/ worrying about appearance

Comparing themselves to other people

Feeling anxious about eating in public/ in front of others

Young people with Type 1 diabetes may become more inconsistent with insulin and diabetes less well managed (this should be checked with a medical team as a matter of priority)

No longer eating foods they previously enjoyed

Things to try, support and next steps

Important that all young people eat regularly so insisting upon breakfast, lunch and dinner plus snacks

Encourage balanced life style; need all food groups (carbohydrates, protein, fats, vegetables and fruits, dairy/ dairy alternatives ) plus it's ok to have snacks and treats

Ensure young people are well hydrated; aim for 6-8 glasses per day (water, milk) and large quantities of avoid sugary drinks

Be active with your young person so that you can monitor and ensure they are exercising in a way that is appropriate

If you are concerned about your child's eating:

See your GP (ask for physical health observations to be done- height, weight, blood pressure, pulse)

Inform your child's school to share concerns and ask if they have noticed any other concerns

Monitor and restrict use of apps/ gadgets that track exercise and food e.g., My Fitness Pal and Fitbit watches

Encourage team sports and activities rather than solitary activities such as sport. Ensure food and fluids are had before and after exercise.

Monitor use of social media and ensure only positive accounts are being followed/ accessed

Discourage talking about body concerns, weight or food/ eating habits with others

Useful resources:

For fussy/ faddy eating : Food Refusal and Avoidant Eating in Children; A Practical Guide for Parents and Professionals

The Self-Esteem Workbook by Lisa Schab

Banish Your Self-Esteem Thief by Kate Collins-Donnelly

Banish Your Body-Image Thief by Kate Collins- Donnelly

Beat (eating disorder charity): https://www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/

Amber

Needs for help; These are challenges that some young people experience and may need some support with
Type and nature of distress
The degree to which a young person experiences eating difficulties may cause the young person distress or might have some mild impact on their ability to cope with everyday life such as going to or coping at school, seeing friends or taking part in leisure activities. The family may also be experiencing a degree of stress characterised by more arguments or disagreements around food/ mealtimes, exercise levels/known or suspected vomiting. Other people may be commenting or noticing there is a difficulty or noticing change in weight. These difficulties may have been going on for a few weeks.
What you might see or a young person might report

A committed and persistent effort to lose weight or control weight or shape through:

Dieting/ restricting food intake

Exercising/ increased activity

Purging (self-induced vomiting)

Taking laxatives

Or

Eating excessive amounts/ bingeing/ constantly seeking food; gaining weight

Experiencing upset or distress/ feeling of guilt or shame after eating

Dissatisfaction about body image

More emotionally labile/ more sensitive (upset, irritable, withdrawn) especially when boundaries are put in around food or exercise

More argumentative (especially around food or mealtimes)

More controlling or rigid around food/ mealtimes and other areas of life

Preoccupied/ overly concerned/ interested by food (e.g., counting calories)

May show some signs of physical compromise e.g., gradual weight loss, tired/ lethargic, difficulties concentrating, not seeming usual self, feeling cold

Other areas of life might be a struggle e.g., academic work, friendships, engaging in family life

Things to try, support and next steps

Seek advice and consultation from our Specialist Eating Disorder Team: 03003040062 or email: HANTSCAMHSEDT@nhs.net

Important that all young people eat regularly so insisting upon breakfast, lunch and dinner plus snacks

Encourage balanced life style; need all food groups (carbohydrates, protein, vegetables and fruits, dairy/ dairy alternatives ) plus it's ok to have snacks

Ensure young people are well hydrated; aim for 6-8 glasses per day (water, milk, avoid sugary drinks)

Support during mealtimes

Support your young person to access self-help resources including:

YP section- eating difficulties, anxiety, depression (see downloads)

Podcasts and Videos Section on our website

Watch our parent/ carer workshop on:

How to support a young person with an eating difficulty here: https://youtu.be/-ApfAzKOy60

How to support a young person with anxiety: https://youtu.be/LMFQHABnH1M

How to support a young person with depression/ in crisis/ who engages in self-harm: https://youtu.be/qBAZQVjSmQU

Share concerns with your child's school/ college

See your child's GP; ask for physical observations to be taken (including; height, weight, temperature, blood pressure, pulse and request a blood test)

Inform and access pastoral support from school

Monitor and restrict use of apps or gadgets that track exercise and food e.g., My Fitness Pal and Fitbit watches

Monitor use of social media and ensure only positive accounts are being followed/ accessed

Other Useful resources:

For fussy/ faddy eating : Food Refusal and Avoidant Eating in Children; A Practical Guide for Parents and Professionals

What's Eating you? A Workbook for Teens with Eating Disorders by Tammy Nelson

The Self-Esteem Workbook by Lisa Schab

Banish Your Self-Esteem Thief by Kate Collins-Donnelly

Banish Your Body-Image Thief by Kate Collins- Donnelly

Beat (eating disorder charity): https://www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/

Red

Needs Specialist Treatment or a Crisis Response; These are difficulties that cause a significant impact and a young person may need specialist support.
Type and nature of distress
The degree to which a young person experiences eating difficulties may cause the young person distress or might have an impact on their ability to cope with everyday life such as going to or coping at school, seeing friends or taking part in leisure activities. The family may also be experiencing a degree of stress characterised by; more arguments or disagreements around food/ mealtimes or exercise levels/known or suspected vomiting. Other people may be commenting or noticing there is a difficulty or noticing change in weight.

The difficulties may have had a sudden onset at a significant level of concern or may have been deteriorating gradually over a long period of time.
What you might see or a young person might report Emergency symptoms - seek immediate medical advice

Sudden or rapid weight loss

Fainting/ collapse

Drowsiness

Refusing food or drink for more than 24 hours

Chest pains

Concerns about daily vomiting

Significant restriction of food (and fluid) leading to rapid weight loss. This is a concern for both young people that lose weight and become underweight as well as young people who perhaps are overweight then lose weight and appear a healthy weight. It is the speed of weight loss not necessarily just their weight that is a concern.

Young person may avoid eating; excuses such as 'have already eaten', 'not hungry', 'don't feel well'

Distress prior to, during or after meals. You might notice your young person may want to prepare their own food or eat alone

Preoccupation with food/ eating/ weight or shape or having rituals around eating/ preparing food such as weighing food, eating with certain crockery/ cutlery

Unusual eating behaviour such as unusual combinations of food or cutting up food into very small pieces/ eating very slowly

Hiding or throwing food away

Weight control behaviour including; exercise/ increased activity, laxative/ diuretic misuse, self-induced vomiting

Young people with Type 1 diabetes may become more inconsistent with insulin and diabetes less well managed

Reluctance, avoidance or secrecy of the young person to talk about eating; lack of recognition of concern that others may have or minimising the extent of difficulties

More withdrawn/ lethargic or tired

Feeling physical unwell; dizzy, light-headed, chest pains, fainting, stomach pains, constipation, coldness

Symptoms of vomiting including bad breath and swollen or puffy face; poor dental health

More emotionally labile/ more sensitive (upset, irritable, withdrawn) especially when boundaries are put in around food or exercise

More argumentative (especially around food or mealtimes), may become aggressive and violent#

May hide under baggy clothing

Either becomes preoccupied by checking themselves in the mirror and weighing or avoids mirrors altogether

Frequent trips to the bathroom especially after meals

For girls: periods stop (they make stop asking for feminine hygiene products)

Things to try, support and next steps
Seek advice and consultation from our Specialist Eating Disorders Team: 03003040062 or email: SPNT.HANTSCAMHSEDT@nhs.net

Share concerns with your child's school/ college

See your child's GP; ask for physical observations to be taken (including; height, weight, temperature, blood pressure, pulse and request a blood test)

Important that all young people eat regularly so insisting upon breakfast, lunch and dinner plus snacks. Support and supervise meals and snacks. If a young person has severely restricted their food and fluid, you must seek advice from a medical professional about restarting eating and drinking as this needs to be done with careful monitoring of physical health.

Encourage balanced life style; need all food groups (carbohydrates, protein, vegetables and fruits, dairy/ dairy alternatives ) plus it's ok to have snacks

Ensure young people are well hydrated; aim for 6-8 glasses per day (water, milk, avoid sugary drinks)

Support your young person to access self-help resources including:

YP section- eating difficulties, anxiety, depression (see downloads)

Podcasts and Videos Section on our website

Watch our parent/ carer workshop on:

how to support a young person with an eating difficulty here: TO BE ADDED

how to support a young person with anxiety: TO BE ADDED

how to support a young person with depression: TO BE ADDED

Inform and access pastoral support from school

Monitor and restrict use of apps/ gadgets that track exercise and food e.g., My Fitness Pal or Fitbit watches

Monitor use of social media and ensure only positive accounts are being followed/ accessed

Other Useful resources:

For fussy/ faddy eating : Food Refusal and Avoidant Eating in Children; A Practical Guide for Parents and Professionals

Skills based Learning for caring for a Loved One with an Eating Disorder by Janet Treasure, Grainne Smith and Anna Crane

Anorexia and Other Eating Disorders; How to help Your Child Eat Well and Be Well by Eva Musby

When your teen has an eating disorder by Lauren Muheim

The Self-Esteem Workbook by Lisa Schab

Banish Your Self-Esteem Thief by Kate Collins-Donnelly

Banish Your Body-Image Thief by Kate Collins- Donnelly

Beat (eating disorder charity): https://www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/

Practical tips for families caring for a child with an eating disorder

What are eating disorders and their impact on the body

The treatment approach for an eating disorder

How eating disorders impact family life and what causes them

What is an eating disorder?

Meet the team at Hampshire Specialist Eating Disorder Service

Hampshire CAMHS - boosting body image and self-esteem

Hampshire CAMHS - how to support a young person with an eating difficulty

Beat eating disorders: Sufferers - credit Beat

Is there a link between social media and eating difficulties?

Eating Disorders in Children and Young People - E-Learning part 1

Eating Disorders in Children and Young People - E-Learning part 2

Eating Disorders in Children and Young People - E-Learning part 3

Eating Disorders in Children and Young People - E-Learning part 4

Eating Disorders in Children and Young People - E-Learning part 5

Eating Disorders in Children and Young People - E-Learning part 6

Practical tips for families caring for a child with an eating disorder

What are eating disorders and their impact on the body

The treatment approach for an eating disorder

How eating disorders impact family life and what causes them

What is an eating disorder?

Meet the team at Hampshire Specialist Eating Disorder Service

Hampshire CAMHS - boosting body image and self-esteem

Hampshire CAMHS - how to support a young person with an eating difficulty

Beat eating disorders: Sufferers - credit Beat

Is there a link between social media and eating difficulties?

Eating Disorders in Children and Young People - E-Learning part 1

Eating Disorders in Children and Young People - E-Learning part 2

Eating Disorders in Children and Young People - E-Learning part 3

Eating Disorders in Children and Young People - E-Learning part 4

Eating Disorders in Children and Young People - E-Learning part 5

Eating Disorders in Children and Young People - E-Learning part 6

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
An eating disorder is a serious mental illness that involves a person developing thoughts, feelings and eating behaviour which can take over a person's life and make them very unwell. Eating disorders can involve eating too much or too little and becoming really unhappy, worried and preoccupied with things such as weight and shape.

# data[].attributes.headline
CAMHS - How to Support with an Eating Difficulty

# data[].attributes.subject
CAMHS - How to Support with an Eating Difficulty

# data[].attributes.headline
Young Minds - Eating problems and disorders

# data[].attributes.subject
Young Minds - Eating problems and disorders

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
Children's attitudes to eating are affected by a range of factors including the attitudes and behaviours of parents and peers towards food, nutrition and body image, trauma, stress, and bullying. Appetites may change at different ages and this is normal; some eat a lot or eat anything, others are more particular. Younger children often refuse to eat certain foods and teenagers may try 'fad diets'. Most of us have tried out different eating habits or diets at some time in our lives, whether to lose or put on weight or to improve our health, and this is not necessarily a cause for concern.

Problems can start to emerge when a child or young person feels under pressure. They may lose their appetite; or they may turn to food for comfort and eat even when they are not hungry; their worries about food may be related to their size or body shape, or can be more about their emotions and self-esteem.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
Eating Disorders & Problems | Guide For Parents

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Children's attitudes to eating are affected by a range of factors including the attitudes and behaviours of parents and peers towards food, nutrition and body image, trauma, stress, and bullying. Appetites may change at different ages and this is normal; some eat a lot or eat anything, others are more particular.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
All behaviour has meaning. Children and young people communicate through their behaviour, especially those who have not acquired language and vocabulary skills to tell the adult what the problem is. The behaviour used to communicate can be made stronger and more likely by how it is responded to. For…

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
Parenting and Family Support - Family Lives (Parentline Plus) | Family Lives

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Parenting and family support from Family Lives (formerly Parentline Plus) through our website, helpline 0808 800 2222, email service at askus@familylives.org.uk, live chat and local services.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
Who's in Charge? Facilitator Training

The training runs over three days and will cover the following aspects of the WIC? programme.

Who should attend?

This training is aimed primarily at those intending to facilitate the Who's in Charge? group programme, although it has practical application to those working working 1:1 and with parents generally. Practitioners who have attended training come from a broad range of agencies, both statutory, voluntary and private sector including: youth offending, domestic abuse agencies, social workers children & young people's practitioners, psychologists, therapists, third sector agencies, schools, youth workers, parenting practitioners, early help teams, SENCO's, service managers, mental health workers, school nurses, troubled families, family carers and family group conference co-ordinators.

What does the training involve?

Pre-training information

Prior to attendance at the WIC? training participants will be sent a programme rationale with notes. It is expected that participants will have spent two hours minimum reading this document prior to attending the WIC? training.

The 3 day training is largely experiential, based around the exercises and discussions of a Who's in Charge? group programme. Practitioners will have the opportunity to explore the programme in full, discuss the referral process, and setting up the programme.

Day One

An insight into understanding the context of child to parent violence and experiential journey through programme weeks 1 - 2, beginning with uncovering family patterns and encouraging parents to identify goals for change; what are the causes or influences of child to parent violence and abuse, understanding the difference between entitlement versus responsibility and exploring what influence parents have over their children.

Day Two

Experiential exploration of Weeks 3 - 6 including looking at abuse, parental influence & control and power over their children and equally how do children have influence, power and control over their parents. We move at this point from the therapeutic element of the programme towards the second part, the knowledge base and applying consequences to children who are uncooperative (sometimes in the extreme) and who may not appear to care very much about anything. Focus on the anger held by all family members involved.

Day Three

Weeks 7 - 9 includes supporting parents to be assertive in the face of CPVA and make changes and continuing to restore a positive relationship with their children, exploration of the ethos, philosophy and rationale of the WIC? programme, a group assessment via a multiple-choice questionnaire and a short group presentation, supporting practitioners to facilitate the Who's in Charge? programme with confidence in their own settings and encouraging facilitators to continue the parents journey through future goal setting and programme evaluation and data collection.

Finally on completion

On successful completion of the three-day facilitator training participants will be eligible to run the Who's in Charge? programme and will have access to a Private Area on the Who's in Charge? website. Here they can download all the materials needed to run the nine week programme. There are no further license fees, enabling practitioners to run programmes immediately. It is expected that where possible newly trained facilitators take the opportunity to co-facilitate with an experienced WIC? facilitator prior to leading their own group.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
Whos In Charge - Working with : Child to Parent Violence & Abuse

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
The training runs over three days and will cover the following aspects of the WIC? programme. This training is aimed primarily at those intending to facilitate the Who's in Charge? group programme, although it has practical application to those working working 1:1 and with parents generally.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Anger is normal. But it can get out of hand. Here are some tips for calming down and taking control of your anger.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
Provides evidenced based parenting programmes for parents and carers who have children aged 5-17 who:
1. Have a diagnosed Autistic Spectrum Condition (ASC)
2. Have a diagnosis of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)
3. Are experiencing mild-moderate conduct disorder
4. Have behaviour that challenges
5. Are teenagers displaying anti-social behaviour including child to parent violence

We offer the following programmes with wrap-around support:
Cygnet (for ASC) Core programme, with additional supporting siblings and puberty, sexual health and relationships modules
The Parent Factor for ADHD
Family Links The Nurture Programme
Teen Positive Parenting Programme
Talking Teens

Parents and carers can self enrol on to a parenting programme or can be referred by a health, education or early help professional.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
Hampshire Specialist Parenting Support Service

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Provides evidenced based parenting programmes for parents and carers who have children aged 5-17 who: 1. Have a diagnosed Autistic Spectrum Condition (ASC) 2. Have a diagnosis of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) 3. Are experiencing mild-moderate conduct disorder 4. Have behaviour that challenges 5.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Families Together works with parents and young people to support those affected by child to parent violence. Our programme is unique in that it offers support to the whole family. This includes:

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
Essential support for under 25s

The Mix. Registered charity number: 1048995

Welcome to The Mix, a support service for young people. There are loads of ways you can get support from us, including our articles, videos, helpline, counselling, forums, apps and more. To find which service suits your needs use the drop down menu below.

Log in

Welcome to The Mix, offering essential support for under 25s.

Log in to submit your own content on our platform Your Voices.

If you do not have an account with us you can sign up here.
I don't have a login

Forgotten password?

Sign up

Welcome to The Mix, the online guide to life for young people in the UK.

Your Voices is a community-focused section of The Mix where you can share stories about your experiences on a specific issue. Upload your own videos, images, blog posts, and playlists to Your Voices and share them with your friends.

Don't have a Your Voices account? Sign up here to submit your own content.

Already have log in, log in here.
I already have a login

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Essential support for under 25s The Mix. Registered charity number: 1048995 Welcome to The Mix, a support service for young people. There are loads of ways you can get support from us, including our articles, videos, helpline, counselling, forums, apps and more. To find which service suits your needs use the drop down menu below.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.authors[].name
Our Mental Health Space - Sussex Partnership NHS Foundation Trust

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
As parents and carers, we cannot prevent our children and young people from going through some hard times. But we can be a big part of supporting them to develop the self-esteem that makes them more able to cope.

Having good self-esteem is an important part of having good mental health. This is because it helps us to feel good about ourselves and our life, as well being one of the things that can get us through tough times.

Feeling loved, supported and valued by a parent or trusted adult is an essential part of having good self-esteem. So remember how much you're doing every time you hug your child or young person, tell them you love them, spend quality time together or ask if they're okay.

On this page, you can find information and advice to help you feel more confident about supporting your child or young person when they're struggling with their self-esteem.

Building self-esteem takes time, there's no magic wand. But there's always hope. It might not feel like it sometimes, but there's always hope that things will get better.

Self-esteem means the way we think and feel about ourselves. When we have good or high self-esteem, we:

feel good about who we are most of the time

believe in ourselves, and our qualities and strengths

believe we are worthy and deserving of all the good things in life, including love, kind friends and fun experiences

Having good self-esteem is not about being happy all the time, or always feeling confident. We all have bad days and negative thoughts sometimes. But when we have good self-esteem, we're more able to move on from these feelings by being kind to ourselves and asking for support.

having a generally positive image of yourself

believing you matter

feeling confident about your strengths

feeling proud of your achievements

not feeling too worried or upset about things you cannot do so well

believing you have good things to offer other people - for example believing you are a kind, good or interesting friend

believing your opinions and views matter, and are worth hearing

feeling able to try new things or give something a go

having a kind and understanding inner voice when things go wrong

being kind to yourself when you're having a hard time, including doing self-care and giving yourself a break

feeling positive or comfortable most of the time about your body and how it looks

having a more negative image of yourself - you might sometimes feel bad, ugly, unlikeable or stupid

having a lack of confidence in your qualities and strengths, or feeling you're not good enough

finding it difficult to feel proud of things, or often feeling you should have done better

having a more negative inner voice when things are hard - for example telling yourself you 'should not' have made a mistake

feeling more cautious about doing new things or giving something a go

putting yourself down, for example by saying 'I'm stupid' or 'I can't do that'

comparing yourself to others in a negative way

feeling negative or uncomfortable about your body and how it looks

doubting whether you are worthy and deserving of being valued, listened to, loved or cared for

What causes low self-esteem?

Your child or young person's self-esteem will naturally go through ups and downs at different points. Going through big changes like starting a new school or moving to a new area can affect a child's confidence. But with support, they can usually get through this and feel okay again.

Sometimes, however, a child or young person can experience low self-esteem over a longer period of time. This can make it harder for them to look after their mental health. It may leave them struggling with things like low mood or anxiety.

This can happen when a young person hears negative messages about themselves from other people. These could come from a parent, relative, peer, teacher, sibling or through social media. These messages can have a big impact because a young person develops their opinion of themselves through the way they are treated in their relationships. This is especially true while they're still growing up.

The types of messages that damage self-esteem include:

being called labels or names like 'naughty', 'stupid', 'ugly', 'bad' or 'weird'

being criticised when you make mistakes

being put under too much pressure to succeed or do everything well, or only being noticed when you achieve something

seeing lots of images about what a 'beautiful' or 'attractive' person looks like, when this person looks different to you

being told off when you struggle with schoolwork

Low self-esteem can also develop after going through a stressful or upsetting experience.

This can include:

being bullied

experiencing discrimination such as racism, homophobia, sexism or transphobia

experiencing abuse or neglect

having difficult relationships in the family or at home

having mental or physical health problems

Being made to feel 'different' because of a part of your identity can have a negative effect on self-esteem too.

This can include:

children and young people with a neurodiverse condition or additional need such as autism, ADHD or dyslexia

Black and minoritised children and young people, who may be made to feel bad about their cultural identity, or like the way they look is 'wrong'

LGBTQIA+ children and young people

Signs your child or young person is struggling with their self-esteem

If your child or young person is feeling low about themselves, these are some of the signs you might notice:

saying negative things about themselves

making negative comments about their appearance

making negative comments about things they've done, for example at school

comparing themselves negatively to other people

withdrawing - for example avoiding social situations and activities

seeming low in their mood - for example, showing less interest in things

avoiding trying new things, or worrying a lot about doing something new

seeming very anxious when they make a mistake, or not being able to move on from it

giving themselves a hard time when things don't go as planned

turning to coping mechanisms like self-harm

Talking to your child or young person about what's going on

As a parent or carer, starting a conversation with your child or young person can sometimes feel like the hardest bit. But it can also be a bit of a turning point. Talking things through can help them to feel less alone. And once you know what's going on, you're in a better position to help. So even though it can feel difficult, it is important to try gently checking in with your child or young person when you see that they're struggling.

Here are some tips for starting a conversation:

For example you could say:

'I've noticed that you're staying in your room a lot at the moment. Is everything okay?'

'I thought you seemed kind of upset the other day. Is there anything going on?'

'I've been thinking about how upset you were last night about your homework. Can we have a chat about it?'

When your child or young person does talk, try to:

Helping your child or young person to build their self-esteem

Alongside talking and providing emotional support, there are things you can do to help your child or young person improve their self-esteem.

As you think about strategies you might want to try, always remind yourself you're doing your best. It's natural to feel a bit overwhelmed sometimes, or to feel guilty as parents or carers about what we're not doing. Remember that modelling good self-esteem is really important. That means not expecting yourself to be perfect or giving yourself a hard time either.

Have a look through these suggestions and pick one or two things you think might help. Trust yourself to know what suits your child or young person best in terms of their individual needs and where they're at.

Talk about how great it is to give things a go and to enjoy the process of doing something, rather than focusing on success. Encourage them to pursue their interests without worrying about whether the outcome will be 'good'. If they are struggling at the moment, you can start with something small like going for a walk somewhere new or cooking a new meal together.

Show them that you know they will be okay if something does not turn out the way they planned. Things not going perfectly is just part of life, and it's never the end of the world. If they do something they find challenging, notice and celebrate them for it.

What this might look like in real life: 'Oh! I don't know if that turned out how you were expecting. Well done for giving it a go though, I'm so proud of you. It was really hard but you did it!'.

Being part of a group, or finding an interest they enjoy, can give them confidence and purpose, which can improve their self-esteem.

What this might look like in real life: If they'd like to do something alone, support them to try out an activity they're interested in, and help them find the resources they need to get started.

Or if they'd like to, look for local groups or clubs where they can meet like-minded people. They might be interested in art, drama, writing, singing, music, chess, lego, video games or something else. They might also enjoy getting involved with a voluntary or community project that makes a difference in the world. This can help them to develop a more positive opinion of themselves.

If your child is feeling isolated around an aspect of their identity, they might benefit from meeting other young people, as well as older role models, who share this identity.

Autistic children and young people might be able to join a local group through one of the National Autistic Society's local branches, or by searching the NAS directory.

There may be a local LGBTQIA+ group run by your child's school or a local charity.

You can search the Bayo website for local groups run for and by the Black community.

If something you're going through feels like a huge mountain to climb or it feels overwhelming, try not to focus on the whole task or end result. Try instead to think about the best first step, and take it from there, one day at a time. Then ask yourself, has it helped? Has it helped your young person, or do you need to change direction and try something new?

Looking after yourself and modelling good self-esteem

Children and young people learn about how to be in the world from the people around them. So it's really important that we model good self-esteem as parents and carers. For example, you can show your child that it's okay to try new things by doing it yourself. Or, when things are hard, you can show them you have a kind, accepting attitude towards yourself.

This may feel difficult if things are tough or overwhelming at the moment. It's harder to do these things when our batteries are running low. Remember to keep finding ways to re-charge and take care of yourself, as well as your child. Make time, however small, for the things that work for you. Remember that it's okay to ask for help when you need it and to share your worries with someone you trust.

If self-esteem is an issue you find particularly difficult, it might be helpful to reflect on your own experience. What messages have you been given by others, and how has this affected your attitude towards yourself?

Take care of yourself. Model good self-care and mind your own language. Avoid phrases like 'I've been good so I can have this' or 'I've been bad so I can't have that'. Just be and don't base it on rewards and denying yourself. You can treat yourself for no reason at all. And so can your child. You are worthy.

Our children are picking up, absorbing and often copying our behaviours - even if subconsciously! So we have to be mindful about our modelling. Building our own self-esteem will ultimately help build our children's.

Finding help and support for your child or young person

If your child or young person is struggling with their self-esteem, a good first step is speaking to their school. The school may be able to:

Link them with a mentor or buddy, which can help them feel there is someone at school who really cares about them.

Encourage and support them to join a club, or to take on a new responsibility such as library monitor or peer learning mentor.

Link them with support groups, which lots of schools run around issues like making friends.

If they are feeling anxious about school at the moment, have a look at our guide to find information and advice about what to do next.

A counsellor or therapist can work with your child or young person to improve their self-esteem. They can explore where their feelings have come from, and gently challenge some of their beliefs about themselves. They can also support them to find ways of coping when things are tough.

Read our guide to find out how they can access counselling and therapy.

Sometimes, issues with self-esteem can lead to feelings of depression or anxiety. They can also lead to a young person turning to coping mechanisms such as self-harm. If this is the case, it's a good idea to speak to a GP about what support is available.

Read our guide to getting help from the GP for more information about this.

You are the expert in your child. You can work alongside doctors and other people supporting your young person, but ultimately you know your child best. Attending parenting classes, and getting support in a peer space where other parents and carers understand, can boost your confidence and self-esteem, which will ultimately help your child too.

Useful helplines and websites

While we take care to ensure that the organisations we signpost to provide high quality information and advice, we cannot take responsibility for any specific pieces of advice they may offer. We encourage parents and carers to always explore the website of a linked service or organisation to understand who they are and what support they offer before engaging with them.
This page was reviewed in September 2023. It was created with parents and carers with lived experience of supporting their child or young person with self-esteem. We will next review the page in 2026. YoungMinds is a proud member of PIF TICK - the UK's quality mark for trusted health information.
Whether you love the page or think something is missing, we appreciate your feedback. It all helps us to support more young people with their mental health.

Please be aware that this form isn't a mental health support service. If your child is in crisis right now and you want to talk to someone urgently, find out who to contact on our urgent help page.

At YoungMinds we take your privacy seriously. If you'd like to read more about how we keep the information we collect safe, take a look at our privacy policy.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
Self-Esteem and Mental Health | Guide For Parents

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
There are many pressures and obstacles that can affect your child's self-esteem. Read our guide for information and advice on how you can provide support.

# data[].attributes.headline
Action for Children - Self-esteem and Body image

# data[].attributes.subject
Action for Children - Self-esteem and Body image

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.provider_name
Support for Parents from Action For Children

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
Mental health and wellbeing - Support for Parents from Action For Children

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Advice and activities to support your child's mental health and emotional wellbeing. From self-esteem and loneliness to anxiety and anxious feelings.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
What is body image?

Body image is how we think and feel about ourselves physically, and how we believe others see us.

When we talk about body image, there are lots of ways we can think about our body and the way we look. You might find that there are times when you like your body, or parts of your body, and times when you struggle with how you look.

Instagram artwork by @allbodiesart. On top of a light green square it reads in capitals: 'My body is good', with a list in lower case describing how your body is good regardless of your doubts.

Body image is not just about our weight, it can also be things like:

comparing how you look with friends or people you follow on social media

struggling to love and accept your body

feeling as though your body shape is not represented in the media

hiding your body because you feel ashamed by it

struggling to find clothes for your body, particularly if you have a physical disability

feeling misunderstood about your body when people make assumptions about things like why you might need a wheelchair

feeling like you are not attractive enough

birthmarks, surgery scars or acne affecting how you feel about how you look

feeling as though your body does not match your gender. For information on this, have a look at our page on gender and mental health

Artwork credit: @jen.s. The artwork depicts text in red, yellow, green and blue which reads: 'we are all born beautiful'. The word 'beautiful' has lines around it to emphasise the word.

These thoughts about how we look are often influenced by things going on around us. It can be what we see every day on social media, what the characters we see on TV look like, or seeing adverts about 'improving how you look'. All of this can contribute to how we feel about our body.

Other influences might be:

the media promoting one type of body as 'fit and healthy' with little to no representation of different bodies

comments from friends or family about your body

social media promoting what should be the 'perfect body' image

clothes limited to fit certain body types

adverts, health campaigns or lessons at school on what is a ' healthy body'

If you feel that you are comparing your body with things you see every day, you are not alone. Lots of us are influenced by the things around us, which can impact our mental health.

The world is full of a spectrum of shapes and sizes. And we should all be represented in the media because unless we see this, it's almost like it doesn't exist.

Jada Sezer, YoungMinds ambassador

How can body image affect my mental health?

Text on a yellow background with the words 'struggle' and 'body image' highlighted in blue, the whole text reads: 'Men struggle with body image too'.

If you are having these thoughts and feelings about how you look, you might be struggling with your body image. You may find everyday tasks like eating, getting dressed or going out with friends becoming more difficult.

This can be at any point in your life or continuously throughout your life, but it is common to have these thoughts when you are going through puberty. During puberty, your body releases hormones which makes you more aware of how you look, and more aware of other people's bodies. These changes happen to everyone, and can sometimes make you feel out of control or anxious.

It can lead to feelings of:

Body dysmorphic disorder is when you constantly worry about flaws in your appearance, focus on specific areas of your body and compare yourself a lot to others.

Sometimes when you're struggling with your body image, you might change your eating habits as this can make you feel like you are in more control of how you look. This can be things like changing what you eat, how much and how often you are eating. If you are finding that your eating habits or relationship with food is taking over your life, you might be struggling with an eating problem.

We all worry about how we look at times during our lives and that's completely normal. If you are experiencing any of the above, know that there are people who can help you get through this. Things can get better.

Show/hide caption

Instagram artwork by @teabag.cartoon. There are cartoon people of all different shapes, sizes and colours holding hands and standing next to each other. Text above them reads, 'we need to learn to respect every body.'

It is completely normal to feel insecure about your body, and the majority of us will experience this at some point in our lives.

What to do if you're worried about how you look

It's important to remember that there isn't a single type of beauty - everyone sees it differently. And there simply isn't a right or a wrong way to look. But if you're struggling, here are some things you can do:

Our Activists share their experiences

If you feel unable to cope, or particularly worried about one part of your body, talk to your GP about how you're feeling. They can listen, tell you about local services and support groups, or they may suggest specific treatment for the way you're feeling.

Growing up, I was bullied a lot. I always stood out from the crowd and I hated that element about myself because I thought that if no one could accept and love me for who I am, then I couldn't either.

I hated the way I looked. I hated everything about myself, and because of this, I know exactly what it's like to hate the body you were born in. And this was the darkest time of my life.

Body positivity

Body positivity is a movement to accept all bodies no matter what type, shape or size. It promotes seeing different bodies on things like social media to encourage us to accept our body and the way we look. If you are struggling with your body image, body positivity can help you feel better about yourself. By thinking positively about how you look, you can feel more comfortable and confident.

Changing the way we think about our body and how we look can take time. It can feel difficult on some days more than others. That's okay. Accepting your body is a process. Our Activists share how a positive body image can help you feel better about yourself:

How you can support a friend struggling with body image

A hand-drawn person in a blue top and blue trousers stands in front of a mirror smiling. To the right of the person there are four speech bubbles. They read: 'thank you eyes for helping me see, thank you lips for helping me talk, thank you hips for helping me move, thank you legs for helping me walk.'

If you have a friend or family member who is struggling with their body image, here are some ways that your support can help.

Talk to them and encourage them to focus on what they like about themselves and what they can do - not just how they look. Help them to see all their good points and the things you like about them - these can be simple things, like being a good sport, a caring friend or making people laugh.

If you're finding it difficult to know what to say, writing their good points as a list together can be another way to help them. They can keep the list for the days they are struggling as a reminder of all the good things they like about themselves.

Sit with your friend in front of a mirror. Together, thank your body for all the positive things it does. You and your friend might find this strange at first, but by doing this together, you can encourage your friend and show them how to see positives in their body. It can help them to learn to love themselves.

Support your friend to have a positive online space. If you know that your friend is struggling, you could send them a message to let them know they matter and remind your friend how brilliant they are.

If you think they're feeling overwhelmed, encourage them to see their GP for professional help.

Your body is enough, and you are enough, always.

Get help now

If you're struggling with how you feel about the way you look, you're not alone. Here are some services that can really help.

You might also find this helpful

More tips, advice and real stories on what to do if you're struggling with your body image.

Whether you love the page or think something is missing, we appreciate your feedback. It all helps us to support more young people with their mental health.

Please be aware that this form isn't a mental health support service. If you are in crisis right now and want to talk to someone urgently, find out who to contact on our urgent help page.

At YoungMinds we take your privacy seriously. If you'd like to read more about how we keep the information we collect safe, take a look at our privacy policy.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Sometimes, we worry about how we look or what our friends think about our body. If you're struggling with body image, here's some advice that can help you.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
The evidenced-based resources on this site have been specifically designed to encourage young people to develop and maintain a healthy body image during the transition to adulthood.

In a world that constantly tells young people how they should look and has a narrow definition of 'beautiful', how can we help them value their unique beauty and stay true to themselves?

Working with experts from the fields of psychology, health and media, the Dove Self-Esteem Project has developed a range of resources - including videos, activities, case studies and professional advice - to help guide parents and teenagers.

As well as helping you understand how your daughter or son is feeling, our materials will help you counter the negative influence of the media and bullying on young people's body image.

Research shows that spending just 30 minutes engaging with the resources on this site will empower you to boost the self-esteem and mood of the young person you love - and improve your own body image, too. So what are you waiting for?

Discover more

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
Parenting teens: Dove Self-Esteem Project resources

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Materials to help parents discuss body image issues with teenagers, supporting them to help with self-esteem and the negative effects of media and bullying

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
Going through different emotions is part of life. While it can feel worrying as a parent, it is normal for young people to feel low sometimes, and this can be a natural response to what's happening around them. Often, the passing of time and support from people they're close to can help things feel better again.

When a young person is feeling depressed, however, sadness and low feelings become more overwhelming, persisting over a longer period of time and making day-to-day life difficult.

Knowing that your child is feeling depressed can be incredibly worrying as a parent. But remember that lots of young people go through depression and come out the other side and feel okay again, and that there are things you can do to help them - including providing emotional support, working on practical strategies together and finding the right professional support if they need it.

Symptoms of low mood and depression

As a parent, it can be useful to understand the difference between having a generally low mood and feeling depressed. This can help you to think through what your child is experiencing and the type of support they need.

If your child is experiencing a low mood, they may feel more sad, tearful, worried, tired or angry than usual, or feel low and less confident about themselves - but then feel better after a few days or weeks. They may also start to feel better quite quickly after making small changes in their life or routine - for example after resolving a disagreement with a friend, getting to the end of a stressful time at school or starting a more regular sleeping pattern.

When a young person is depressed, sadness and low feelings do not change or go away with time. These feelings can become overwhelming and stop them from doing or enjoying things they normally would. When a young person is experiencing this, it's very difficult to shift the situation without extra help and support.

While every young person is different, and these feelings are often expressed differently at different ages, some signs that your child may be feeling depressed include:

withdrawing, or avoiding friends or social situations

finding it hard to concentrate, and/or losing interest in schoolwork

not wanting to do things they previously enjoyed

feeling irritable, angry or frustrated

feeling tearful, miserable, lonely or hopeless

feeling empty or numb

being very self-critical, or feeling less confident

sleeping more or less than normal

eating more or less than normal

feeling tired or not having any energy

showing less or no interest in self-care activities like washing

wanting to self-harm

experiencing suicidal thoughts

If your child is experiencing one or two of these things, it does not necessarily mean that they are experiencing depression. But it's important to speak to your GP as a first step so that you can explore what's going on together.

How to help your child with depression and low mood

If you are concerned that your child may be experiencing depression, there are lots of things you can do to help.

We have a list of services and helplines they can use on our reaching out for help page, which you can point them towards.

Top tips for supporting your child with depression.

When to seek professional help

If the situation isn't getting better with time and you're feeling worried about your child's mental health, seek professional support and advice.

Many children and young people will need professional and specialist help to feel better if they are experiencing depression. They may benefit from a specific diagnosis or a treatment such as talking therapy.

You can find more information about how to access professional help below.

Where to find professional help

If your child is experiencing depression and needs ongoing support, it can be helpful to create a support plan together with the professionals around your child - so that you know exactly what help is available and how your child can access it. This could include things like:

agreements with their GP, or their key worker if they are being treated by CAMHS, about when they will next check-in

whether any referrals can be made to other services, and a list of the services available locally that might be able to support them

what your child's school can offer - including a staff member who they can speak to when they're struggling.

people your child trusts and can talk to when they need to, including family and friends.

You can find out more about speaking to GPs, finding a counsellor or therapist, accessing Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services (CAMHS), getting help from your child's school and finding local services on our guide to getting help.

Young people's advice for others experiencing depression

Speak to your doctor or a trusted adult about how you're feeling.

Don't be afraid to cry, especially if you're male - it helps to release emotions and you'll feel better afterwards.

I've found that identifying behaviours that are not beneficial to you - like endlessly scrolling through Instagram before bed and sleeping late - can be really helpful. It's hard to force good habits, but it can do wonders for your overall mood.

Try to keep going outside, even if it's just a short walk, it can really help your mood to lift.

Find a distraction technique - we all have different ones; it could be jogging, music, art, reading etc.

Realise that how you're feeling won't last forever and there's always something to look forward to.

If your child is having suicidal thoughts

Young people who are struggling with depression can experience feelings of not being able to go on, or no longer wanting to be alive. This can lead them to think about, speak of, or attempt suicide.

A young person can struggle with thoughts of suicide without acting on them. But these thoughts can also develop into stronger feelings, and a plan or intention to attempt suicide. All suicidal thoughts should be taken seriously, and young people going through this need help and support.

If your child is experiencing suicidal thoughts, or you're worried they might be, we have information and advice that can help. Have a look at our page on suicidal thoughts for advice on how to support them and where you can find help - including how to access urgent help.

For advice on supporting and responding to your child when they're experiencing suicidal thoughts, have a look at the Prevention of Young Suicide (PAPYRUS) website. You can also contact their HOPELINE to speak to an advisor via phone or email.

Looking after yourself as a parent

Supporting a young person who is struggling with depression can be incredibly worrying and exhausting - and it's entirely understandable if you're struggling with anxiety or other difficult feelings yourself at the moment.

It's so important to recognise the impact the situation is having on you, and to think about ways you can take care of yourself - including getting support from other people so that you can take some time off. Remember that it's okay to ask for help when you need it, and to share your worries with someone you trust.

Many parents find it helpful to reach out to other parents so they can talk through how they have handled difficult situations with their children and get support. You may also be able to find a local parent support group using the Charlie Waller Trust directory.

If you need more help, you can find services such as counselling or therapy through your GP and other local organisations, or privately if this is an affordable option for you. Sometimes it helps just having someone there who can listen to what you're going through - and if you need someone to talk to, you can call the Samaritans anytime on 116 123.

You might also find helpful...

Where to get further support

Useful helplines and websites

While we take care to ensure that the organisations we signpost to provide high quality information and advice, we cannot take responsibility for any specific pieces of advice they may offer. We encourage parents and carers to always explore the website of a linked service or organisation to understand who they are and what support they offer before engaging with them.

This page was reviewed in March 2023. It was created with parents and carers with lived experience of supporting their child or young person with depression or low-mood. We will next review the page in 2024. YoungMinds is a proud member of PIF TICK - the UK's quality mark for trusted health information.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
Depression & Low Mood | Signs, Symptoms & Treatment

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Depression is a mood disorder where low mood persists for a long time. Read about the symptoms, what support is available and how you can help your child.

# data[].attributes.headline
NHS - Depression in children and young people

# data[].attributes.subject
NHS - Depression in children and young people

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
Depression does not only affect adults. Children and young people can get depressed too.
It's important to get help early if you think your child may be depressed. The longer it goes on, the more likely it is to disrupt your child's life and turn into a long-term problem.

Signs of depression in children

Symptoms of depression in children often include:

sadness, or a low mood that does not go away

being irritable or grumpy all the time

not being interested in things they used to enjoy

feeling tired and exhausted a lot of the time

Your child may also:

have trouble sleeping or sleep more than usual

not be able to concentrate

interact less with friends and family

be indecisive

not have much confidence

eat less than usual or overeat

have big changes in weight

seem unable to relax or be more lethargic than usual

talk about feeling guilty or worthless

feel empty or unable to feel emotions (numb)

have thoughts about suicide or self-harming

actually self-harm, for example, cutting their skin or taking an overdose

Some children have problems with anxiety as well as depression. Some also have physical symptoms, such as headaches and stomach aches.

Problems at school and problem behaviour can be a sign of depression in children and young people.

Older children who are depressed may misuse drugs or alcohol.

Why is my child depressed?

Things that increase the risk of depression in children include:

family difficulties

bullying

physical, emotional or sexual abuse

a family history of depression or other mental health problems

Sometimes depression is triggered by a difficult event, such as parents separating, a bereavement or problems with school or other children.

Often it's caused by a mixture of things. For example, your child may have a tendency to get depression and also have experienced some difficult life events.

If you think your child is depressed

If you think your child may be depressed, it's important to talk to them. Try to find out what's troubling them and how they're feeling.

See some tips on talking to younger children about their feelings and talking to teenagers.

Whatever is causing the problem, take it seriously. It may not seem like a big deal to you, but it could be a major problem for your child.

If your child does not want to talk to you, let them know you're concerned about them and you're there if they need you.

Encourage them to talk to someone else they trust, such as another family member, a friend or someone at school.

It may be helpful for you to talk to other people who know your child, including their other parent.

You could also contact their school to ask if the staff have any concerns.

When to get medical help

If you think your child is depressed, or you're concerned about their general wellbeing, make an appointment with them to see a GP.

If necessary, the GP can refer your child to a local children and young people's mental health services for specialist help.

CYPMHS is used as a term for all services that work with children and young people who have difficulties with their mental health or wellbeing.

You may also be able to refer your child without seeing a GP.

Read more about where to get mental health support.

Further support

If you need support during a mental health crisis or emergency, read about where to get urgent help for mental health.

If you're worried about any aspect of your child's mental health, you can call the charity YoungMinds' free parents' helpline for advice on 0808 802 5544 from Monday to Friday, 9.30am to 4pm.
The YoungMinds website also has mental health support and advice for your child

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Find out about the warning signs of depression in children and young people, and the help available if you suspect your child or teen is depressed.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
How do you know when you're depressed? Discover the signs of depression and what to do if you're low in mood.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
How to Make A Calm Down Box in 5 Minutes (for Kids and Adults) -

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Calm down boxes can help anyone regulate their bodies and minds. Here's what to put in a calm box for kids or adults.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
Our use of cookies

We use necessary cookies to make our site work. We'd also like to set optional analytics to help us improve it. We won't set optional cookies unless you enable them. Using this tool will set a cookie on your device to remember your preferences.

For more detailed information about the cookies we use, see our Cookies page

Necessary cookies

Necessary cookies enable core functionality such as security, network management, and accessibility. You may disable these by changing your browser settings, but this may affect how the website functions.

Analytics cookies

We'd like to set non-essential cookies, such as Google Analytics, to help us to improve our website by collecting and reporting information on how you use it. The cookies collect information in a way that does not directly identify anyone. For more information on how these cookies work, please see our Cookies page. If you are 16 or under, please ask a parent or carer for consent before accepting.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
Parents and Carers | Advice and Guidance | Anna Freud Centre

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Advice and guidance for parents and carers to help them support a child or a young person experiencing poor mental health or wellbeing.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
24/7

You can text us any time, day or night.

Confidential

Your messages with us are confidential and anonymous.

Free

It is free to text Shout from all major mobile networks in the UK.

Get involved

Donations doubled in the Big Give Christmas Challenge

Simply support Shout's Big Give campaign by midday on 5 December, and your donation will be doubled!

Can you help us hit our match funding target of £50,000 and support a further 5,000 people this winter?

Find out more

Get help

Ways to cope with upsetting events in the news

If you're feeling overwhelmed, anxious or sad about what's going on in the news, know that you're definitely not alone. Here are some actions we can take to help us cope better through times like this.

Find out more

I think Shout saved my life tonight... no one has ever made me feel so safe, listened to and understood

Shout texter

GET HELP

Online resources and support

However you're feeling right now, you don't have to face it alone. We're here to support you with your mental health.

Take a look at our resources, information and support, find further help or reach out to one of our volunteers.

Resources for you

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
Shout - UK's 24/7 Crisis Text Service for Mental Health Support

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Shout 85258 is the UK's first 24/7 text service for anyone in crisis. Get free, confidential mental health support anytime, anywhere. Text 'SHOUT' to 85258.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
YoungMinds | Mental Health Charity For Children And Young People

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
YoungMinds are a mental health charity for children, young people and their parents, making sure all young people can get the mental health support they need.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
Parents and Carers support - The Charlie Waller Trust

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Content, support and resources for parents and carers from the Charlie Waller Trust

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.provider_name
Hampshire and Isle of Wight NHS Foundation Trust

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.authors[].name
Hampshire and Isle of Wight NHS Foundation Trust

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
Hampshire :: Hampshire and Isle of Wight NHS Foundation Trust

# data[].attributes.body
This lovely story offers reassurance for children suffering from loss, separation or loneliness.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
Skip to content

-PARENTS MAGAZINE

" The Invisible String by Patrice Karst is a heartwarming story that reassures children that even though they can't always be with a loved one, they're always in each other's hearts."

-TONY ROBBINS

THE INVISIBLE STRING book is "a beautiful way to begin to try, as parents, to instill in children the impenetrable power of the heart, the energy of love, and the flow that can be felt from the grace in every moment."

―United Way (Life Lessons for Little Ones)

"If I could only have one book to use for counseling purposes, this would be it. This book is extremely versatile. It can be used for any type of separation, loss."

―The American Academy of Pediatrics

"Delivers a particularly compelling message in today's uncertain times that though we may be separated from the ones we care for, love is the unending connection that binds us all."

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
The Invisible String Book - Patrice Karst | Loneliness | Loss

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Skip to content -PARENTS MAGAZINE " The Invisible String by Patrice Karst is a heartwarming story that reassures children that even though they can't always be with a loved one, they're always in each other's hearts."

# data[].attributes.headline
ERIC - The Children's Bowel & Bladder Charity

# data[].attributes.subject
ERIC - The Children's Bowel & Bladder Charity

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
With your help, we can keep offering free support to those who need us.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
Advice on Bladder and Bowel Problems in Children and Young People

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Children and young people Bladder and bowel health Issues affecting the bladder and bowel are very common in children and young people. Here you can find specialist advice to help. varied issues The problems can include difficulties with toilet training, wetting and/or soiling.