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Hey cici! A strength of your informational presentation is in how in your slides you gave really good information to the readers and made the readers understand and make it better. In addition, I like how you used a good explanation. For instance, you wrote, “The iPhone allows you to do things like communicate with friends and play games mobily all in one place. it’s remarkable and nothing will ever compare to the iPhone creation the great importance of it to a lot of people had such a huge impact on millions.” Here, you really tried to give to the reader the importance an iPhone could allow the reader to do. However, a suggestion I would have liked for you to do is to add pictures to your slides but the rest was alright.

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Hi!Your presentation was really good.  I like how you mostly bullet pointed your work so it can be faster to read rather than putting it in a big paragraph. I also really liked your intro because I can relate to it in my life. Another thing that I liked about your work was how many sources you used in your research. Some wishes are that maybe but a little more pictures to your slide. Also maybe you can remove the Introduction and conclusion title because people will already know that,that is your intoductiona nd conclusion.

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hi, One thing that i liked about your piece was that you used good transition words, for example truly,according to,to explain...etc.Another thing that i liked about your piece was that you used good word choice, for example “the undeniable theme of the Pixar short”. Lastly, something that i would recommend would be to change up the word because there was some repetition.

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Hey Ciara! One star I think you did well in you essay was expanding a lot in some parts. I also think you did well in choosing a good word choice. But one thing I think you need to work on is choosing better themes for you Pixar short.

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Hi Ciara! A strength of your theme analysis paragraph, “People’s Differences” is all of the unique and creative transitions you used. In particular, I enjoyed reading your analysis paragraph on how you described the things that are important when you haven’t met someone and you are being mean and disrespectful to them. In addition, I like how you truly explained in your own words for both of the explanations. For instance, you said, “This is important to know that even if people are unlike it doesn’t matter because everyone is human and has feelings.” Here, you really tried to tell the reader the feelings a how humans feel. However, a suggestion that I can offer for improvement is to change your tittle because not only people have differences.

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Hi CC! The strength of your essay is in how you describe and tell your essay really well. As you explain the importance of schools starting later, you don’t repeat over and over again that schools should start later than the time they start right now. In addition, I liked how you tell the reader about what you think about schools starting later. However, I will use more “Show not Tell” so the readers can get more into what you are talking about. Overall, you did such a nice job with your essay, congratulations horse

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⭐️I liked the way you ended your story. The message was very clear but also wasn’t just stated word for word. I feel as if the message was very simple but at the same time very important.

⭐️I liked how your solution to get the shoes off was so unique. I don’t think any of the other stories had such a unique ending. I never saw that coming. This made such a great ending to your story. This solution was funny and very different from the others and I just loved everything about it.

🧞‍♂️ I wish you had more show not tell in your story. You could’ve described the setting more, like instead of saying I saw the playground near my best friend's house you could’ve said something more like as I walked down Main Street the sight of swings and slides caught my view. When I turned around and saw a familiar two story red brick house that belonged to my best friend and her family. Overall, your story was really good.

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Hello, cc! Something that I loved was when you tried to explain how you felt when the shoes brought you to the wrong side. For example, I liked how you used the description of how the girl helped you with your new shoes that you got. For instance, when the shoes made you go the wrong way I got so scared because I thought you were gonna get kidnapped by the shoes or someone else that controls the shoes and kidnap kids/adults. However, I was a bit off when I didn’t see that there was no title and an ending that was powerful. I think it would’ve helped if you could have added more details and figure language. Overall, I really enjoyed reading your story, it made me feel that I was in there.

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Hi Ciara, in your narrative pieceI really liked how you really showed what’s happening and not telling. Also I really liked how you added a lot of inner thoughts and dialogue to your piece to really show the main character’s feelings. I just thought that maybe you could have make the ending a little stronger so the reader can really be interested in your story.

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Wow loved it

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I like the way you described your moment and how it made you become more appreciated than how you were. One of my favorite parts of your memoir was when you tell the readers what you were touching while you got up from your bed and started to walk to the living room. In addition, I liked the way you told the people about your feelings and how it made you happy to have a dog. Because of your figurative language it makes me feel that I was in that moment and see how you were smiling after you knew you had a dog. However, a suggestion you should do in your memoir is to write more details and try to make more “show not tell” but it was really good.

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I loved how in Ciara’s memoir, she really described what she felt and what her emotions were. I also liked how she added the people that were with her during that time she experienced that time when she got a puppy. But I suggest that you add a little more talking in your memoir.