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Hi everyone,
Here is a list of resources for anyone who needs them right now. More information is available in Dr. Majerus's email from this afternoon. Many of these options are non-Uni affiliated. Please stay safe.

Online Chat:

https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/

National Suicide Prevention Hotline:

1-800-273-8255

Suicide Text Line:

Text 741741 from anywhere in the USA to text with a trained Crisis Counselor.

Psychologytoday.com:
Find a local therapist

Resources specific to LGBTQ+, Asian-American, Muslim, and Spanish-speaking students: https://docs.google.com/presentation/d/1abSmYZxspMfKCc5LQntfKKms0sdy22NDeK8WgW5Og7s/edit#slide=id.p

Contact a school counselor— Kristi Deedrick (kbandy2@illinois.edu) or Amy Han (amyhan@illinois.edu)

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Be aware of some trigger warnings for some of the content below:

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Be aware of some trigger warnings for some of the content below:

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- Suicidal ideation/actions
- Self harm
- Parental abuse
- Depression and other mental health issues

Please do what you need to keep yourself safe.

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havent learned a single thing, just learned that school aint it

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havent learned a single thing, just learned that school aint it

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do i want to get good grades and make my parents proud? or do i want good mental health and my parents calling me a disappointment?

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do i want to get good grades and make my parents proud? or do i want good mental health and my parents calling me a disappointment?

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my depression? high.
my grades? low.
my anxiety? high.
the way my parents look at me? low.
self harm / suicide thoughts / actions? high.
my will to live? low.

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I want to cry and my grades aren't helping 

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I want to cry and my grades aren't helping 

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the teacher gave me a tardy and i wasn't even late >:| 

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the teacher gave me a tardy and i wasn't even late >:| 

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and i didnt even feel this way till online school started

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i want spring break but i dont want the week before it so i'd rather just not have anything at all

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i want spring break but i dont want the week before it so i'd rather just not have anything at all

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pass fail but mandatory because what student trying to get into college would take a pass fail out of choice for the whole world to see that decision??

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pass fail but mandatory because what student trying to get into college would take a pass fail out of choice for the whole world to see that decision??

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when my mental health is declining but i feel like im being a burden or calling for attention when i want help

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when my mental health is declining but i feel like im being a burden or calling for attention when i want help

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why is homework and mental sanity such a big tradeoff

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why is homework and mental sanity such a big tradeoff

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going to a new school is stressful enough. having to make new friends, get to know your classmates, understand the school dynamic, get to know your teachers. now picture all of this online. but on top of that, the school is really stressful. you don't want to tell your teachers how stressed you are because you're new, but you're under so much stress, it feels like you could break at any moment. this is my reality. i've been fortunate enough to have made some friends, but transferring during a pandemic is stressful itself. i'm not saying school shouldn't stress a person out, but school shouldn't shatter my mental health...

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going to a new school is stressful enough. having to make new friends, get to know your classmates, understand the school dynamic, get to know your teachers. now picture all of this online. but on top of that, the school is really stressful. you don't want to tell your teachers how stressed you are because you're new, but you're under so much stress, it feels like you could break at any moment. this is my reality. i've been fortunate enough to have made some friends, but transferring during a pandemic is stressful itself. i'm not saying school shouldn't stress a person out, but school shouldn't shatter my mental health...

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i know uni teachers and faculty and admin are trying very hard to help us through this hard time but i do not feel comfortable at all going to them. one of my friends went to them for something very concerning and they just brushed it aside and honestly practice what you preach - if

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i know uni teachers and faculty and admin are trying very hard to help us through this hard time but i do not feel comfortable at all going to them. one of my friends went to them for something very concerning and they just brushed it aside and honestly practice what you preach - if

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I feel like I never really get a break from academic work. Or it's just me feeling guilty for not being productive 24/7. Or it's because that's just what my parents expect from me.
Trying to meet these
expectations under this kind of pressure really makes my motivation 📉...

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It seems like most students don't really have a good opinion of the SSO. I haven't had a lot of experience getting help from them, but a most of the people I know avoid reaching out to them for help because they're worried about what will be reported to their parents or just feel like they won't be a useful resource. It really really seems like everyone there is passionate about helping students, and a lot of students need that help, but somehow there's a disconnect.

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It seems like most students don't really have a good opinion of the SSO. I haven't had a lot of experience getting help from them, but a most of the people I know avoid reaching out to them for help because they're worried about what will be reported to their parents or just feel like they won't be a useful resource. It really really seems like everyone there is passionate about helping students, and a lot of students need that help, but somehow there's a disconnect.

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In an environment where academic achievement is valued above a lot of other things, and there tends to be a really competitive atmosphere surrounding who's just generally doing the most things (especially activities that are seen as "good for college apps," etc.), it's really easy to tie my self worth to my productivity. Especially right now, where online work for school and extracurriculars is kind of the only part of life that's happening, the obvious conclusion is kind of that if I'm failing to be productive (and I often am), I'm useless. It's a really hard cycle to break, but I feel like having discussions about the competitive atmosphere surrounding academics (especially extracurriculars like U of I classes) is a good place to start, because it's hard not to feel like you're defined by your productivity and intelligence and the packed-ness of your schedule when it feels like everyone else is basing their judgement of you and them, and sometimes even that they're trying to one-up you.

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In an environment where academic achievement is valued above a lot of other things, and there tends to be a really competitive atmosphere surrounding who's just generally doing the most things (especially activities that are seen as "good for college apps," etc.), it's really easy to tie my self worth to my productivity. Especially right now, where online work for school and extracurriculars is kind of the only part of life that's happening, the obvious conclusion is kind of that if I'm failing to be productive (and I often am), I'm useless. It's a really hard cycle to break, but I feel like having discussions about the competitive atmosphere surrounding academics (especially extracurriculars like U of I classes) is a good place to start, because it's hard not to feel like you're defined by your productivity and intelligence and the packed-ness of your schedule when it feels like everyone else is basing their judgement of you and them, and sometimes even that they're trying to one-up you.

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my parents are extremely emtionally abusive and i've just been tormented and harassed and made feel like total 🤬 during quarantine and i can't even report it to the SSO because they'll make me talk to my parents or report something or just give me some stupid mindfulness exercise and not take me seriously. i'm tired of being told that i'm complete 🤬 - my grades have sufferred, i'm stressed about my future, and i have no free time to just relax because i'm so busy doing this stupid busy work and extra curriculars just to keep my parents happy

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my parents are extremely emtionally abusive and i've just been tormented and harassed and made feel like total 🤬 during quarantine and i can't even report it to the SSO because they'll make me talk to my parents or report something or just give me some stupid mindfulness exercise and not take me seriously. i'm tired of being told that i'm complete 🤬 - my grades have sufferred, i'm stressed about my future, and i have no free time to just relax because i'm so busy doing this stupid busy work and extra curriculars just to keep my parents happy

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most of what uni does it performative and surface level. when i was experiencing extreme depression and lots of negative  intrusive thoughts i felt like i couldn't reach out to the sso because a lot of what they do is so surface level. They clearly care, it was just really hard to connect and theres a clear disconnect.

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most of what uni does it performative and surface level. when i was experiencing extreme depression and lots of negative  intrusive thoughts i felt like i couldn't reach out to the sso because a lot of what they do is so surface level. They clearly care, it was just really hard to connect and theres a clear disconnect.

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I went to the sso to express concern that one of my friends was at risk for suicide and they didn't seem to take it seriously. Maybe they weren't able to tell me information about that student or they knew something i didn't, but the reaction they had seemed like they weren't very concerned. I genuinely think they care, it was just hard based on the response i got to gauge how they felt / would react

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I went to the sso to express concern that one of my friends was at risk for suicide and they didn't seem to take it seriously. Maybe they weren't able to tell me information about that student or they knew something i didn't, but the reaction they had seemed like they weren't very concerned. I genuinely think they care, it was just hard based on the response i got to gauge how they felt / would react

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If you're thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the 988 Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States.

Directory

The 988 Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See below for additional crisis services and hotlines.

What Happens When I Call The 988 Lifeline?

First, you'll hear a message telling you that you've reached the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.

To preview that message, click here.

We'll play you a little hold music while we connect you.

A skilled, trained crisis worker who works at the 988 Lifeline network crisis center closest to you will answer the phone.

This person will listen to you, understand how your problem is affecting you, provide support, and share any resources that may be helpful.

To read a more detailed explanation of what happens when you call the 988 Lifeline, and more, click here.

Remember, your call is confidential and free.

Should I Call The 988 Lifeline?

No matter what problems you're dealing with, whether or not you're thinking about suicide, if you need someone to lean on for emotional support, call the 988 Lifeline.

People call to talk about lots of things: substance abuse, economic worries, relationships, sexual identity, getting over abuse, depression, mental and physical illness, and loneliness, to name a few.

Talking with someone about your thoughts and feelings can save your life.

Get in touch

Call the Lifeline

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If you're thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the 988 Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States.

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i have so many friends who are depressed/suicidal and i don't know how to help them. in our experiences resources like the sso or therapy is hard to connect with. i just wish things would go back to how they were before.

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i have so many friends who are depressed/suicidal and i don't know how to help them. in our experiences resources like the sso or therapy is hard to connect with. i just wish things would go back to how they were before.

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i don’t have the time to think about anything else

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Hm. I'm not sure if my problems are as important as many people on this padlet, but i'll still share them. I guess, like so many people already, I really hate having to go to school virtually and I miss the days being able to spend time with my friends or just go outside and see people in a public area. I don't know if I'm the same as I used to be, and maybe covid quarantine has changed me a little bit, and it does scare me. Sometimes I wonder if I'm just pretending to be the person every thinks I am just to fufill some sort of idea that I am that person, when sometimes I dont even know who I am really. Can I call myself someone who likes to read if I barely do it now  a days? I just don't know. But the problem is that I can't complain, really, because I'm not sick, I'm not dying, I don't have anything super important to complain about when there are worse things going on in the world. So, honestly, that's all I have to add. I hope everyone on this padlet finds a solution to their stress, and have a wonderful day everyone. :)

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Hm. I'm not sure if my problems are as important as many people on this padlet, but i'll still share them. I guess, like so many people already, I really hate having to go to school virtually and I miss the days being able to spend time with my friends or just go outside and see people in a public area. I don't know if I'm the same as I used to be, and maybe covid quarantine has changed me a little bit, and it does scare me. Sometimes I wonder if I'm just pretending to be the person every thinks I am just to fufill some sort of idea that I am that person, when sometimes I dont even know who I am really. Can I call myself someone who likes to read if I barely do it now  a days? I just don't know. But the problem is that I can't complain, really, because I'm not sick, I'm not dying, I don't have anything super important to complain about when there are worse things going on in the world. So, honestly, that's all I have to add. I hope everyone on this padlet finds a solution to their stress, and have a wonderful day everyone. :)

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i cant concentrate on anything. before covid and the pandemic, yes i still had issues with focusing, but not as bad as this. it takes me hours to do an assignment, even if it's something i know how to do. if we do something during class that needs to be turned in at the end of the period, i have to work on it before class to try to ensure i turn it in on time. my pile of homework takes so much longer to finish because i mentally cannot work on it. i stay up late to finish it all or try to, but then the cycle of being too tired to focus also wears me down. i can hardly pay attention during class and i really wish some teachers would record their classes. this would let me at least rewatch the parts of class that i would (uncontrollably) zone out during.

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i cant concentrate on anything. before covid and the pandemic, yes i still had issues with focusing, but not as bad as this. it takes me hours to do an assignment, even if it's something i know how to do. if we do something during class that needs to be turned in at the end of the period, i have to work on it before class to try to ensure i turn it in on time. my pile of homework takes so much longer to finish because i mentally cannot work on it. i stay up late to finish it all or try to, but then the cycle of being too tired to focus also wears me down. i can hardly pay attention during class and i really wish some teachers would record their classes. this would let me at least rewatch the parts of class that i would (uncontrollably) zone out during.

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i wish i could get mental help.. it takes up all my energy to just get out of bed in time for classes. i hate this household. when you combine strict parents that constantly are screaming with stressful classes, it turns into a mess. i can't handle it anymore. i can't stay clean from harming myself for even a week. and even if i somehow managed to stay clean, that wouldn't stop my parents from harming me. i really wish i could tell them about my mental health, but they would just blame it on me...

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i wish i could get mental help.. it takes up all my energy to just get out of bed in time for classes. i hate this household. when you combine strict parents that constantly are screaming with stressful classes, it turns into a mess. i can't handle it anymore. i can't stay clean from harming myself for even a week. and even if i somehow managed to stay clean, that wouldn't stop my parents from harming me. i really wish i could tell them about my mental health, but they would just blame it on me...

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in my experience ive been here, there is such a toxic mentality about test scores and grades. after almost every test everyone is saying how they failed and they just start comparing their test scores. all of it just makes it seem like no one can really be happy for each other if they get a better score. multiple times I have seen people bring up their ssat score when it’s not even relevant right now?? i don’t know but there’s definitely competitiveness and tension at uni that I’ve never experienced at this level before.

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Honestly, I completely regret coming to Uni at this point. I used to hear such amazing things about it, but now everyone just seems to hate it. I want to get out, but I'm scared of being seen as weak or stupid or anything like that. Uni is supposed to be so "accepting" and "open" and "helpful", but if you're actually struggling, they basically run away. To anyone reading this, please know that you are amazing, loved, and worthy! You are not alone! You can get through this, and there are better things waiting for you!

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Honestly, I completely regret coming to Uni at this point. I used to hear such amazing things about it, but now everyone just seems to hate it. I want to get out, but I'm scared of being seen as weak or stupid or anything like that. Uni is supposed to be so "accepting" and "open" and "helpful", but if you're actually struggling, they basically run away. To anyone reading this, please know that you are amazing, loved, and worthy! You are not alone! You can get through this, and there are better things waiting for you!

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I just want my own, personal space. y is that so much to ask for in this house T^T

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I just want my own, personal space. y is that so much to ask for in this house T^T

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Staying at home with family all day every day has made it all the more easier for my parents to compare me with my siblings. It sucks. I also find myself comparing myself with my siblings much more often and it really brings my self esteem down lol

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Complaining- I honestly dont know at this point if i'm just plain dumb or if everyone else is struggling too. At times I feel SO overwhelmed by the work whilst my other classmates seem to be doing just fine- I want to email my teachers and ask them to please tone down some of the schoolwork but then I wonder if it's just me and if I'm the only one who feels so bombarded by this work, so i don't do it.

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Complaining- I honestly dont know at this point if i'm just plain dumb or if everyone else is struggling too. At times I feel SO overwhelmed by the work whilst my other classmates seem to be doing just fine- I want to email my teachers and ask them to please tone down some of the schoolwork but then I wonder if it's just me and if I'm the only one who feels so bombarded by this work, so i don't do it.

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idk i kinda wish my family all got along but i dont think we'll ever be truly happy and actually not fight all the time and it makes me sad because i really love all my family members and I hate for some to get so stressed out or angry that they want to "leave and never come back", or start screaming hystarically, or just cry. i just want everyone to be happy, and quarantine, ha, isn't really helping ig

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brain perpetually somewhere thats not where it needs to be

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mfw i dreaded spring break because it meant more time with parents 

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mfw i dreaded spring break because it meant more time with parents 

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then i heard that their workplace doesnt give time off for break and i was... happy?

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i love my parents so much but i wish i didnt coz thatd mean i'd cry less

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i love my parents so much but i wish i didnt coz thatd mean i'd cry less

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why cant i just... be what they want me to instead of whatever i am now

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I think I developed an eating disorder over quarantine, or maybe I always had one but it just got a lot worse. I just hate my body so much sometimes and I don't know how to stop.

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I think I developed an eating disorder over quarantine, or maybe I always had one but it just got a lot worse. I just hate my body so much sometimes and I don't know how to stop.

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I have never felt so alone and so sad. It feels like it's never going to end. School work is making me feel even more hopeless.

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I have never felt so alone and so sad. It feels like it's never going to end. School work is making me feel even more hopeless.

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i just have no motivation for anything. every day is the same. getting through it is a chore.

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i just have no motivation for anything. every day is the same. getting through it is a chore.

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i've never been more depressed in my entire life and i've had depression since the 5th grade

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i've never been more depressed in my entire life and i've had depression since the 5th grade

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I am so done with uni and the awful environment here. No one actually cares about real mental health problems. The sso can come in and give presentations where we do anxiety myth busters but that doesn't do anything. Not once in my several years here and countless talks about mental health have they ever talked about getting professional help. It's only "coping skills" and meditation, and just talk to the SSO, and you'll be fine. Not once have they talked about seeing an actual therapist. They talked about meds once but in a very negative way. Teachers, and admin, and sso people constantly talke about how much they care about mental health but they don't actually listen to their students or take any action to make our lives less of a hell. They only acknowledge mental illness as a tiny bit of stress or just being sad sometimes. It's an illness. And should be treated as such. It is debilitating and awful and there's so much stigma. meanwhile the sso is telling people that you can just fix it yourself by staring at a dorito chip for 5 minutes while taking deep breaths. Coping skills can be helpful, but only in certain situations, and they won't fix an actual mental health issue without therapy and or medications alongside that. I have emailed people at the school so many times this year telling them how tired and frustrated i am, and there is no change. Teachers keep assigning more and more and more work, and sso does nothing. I had a friend go to them for something really serious and they were incredibly dismissive and awful to them. I am so tired of this. I'm tired of hurting. I'm tired of my friends huting. I'm tired of the school not listening to us and i'm tired of nothing changing. this is unacceptable.

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uni needs to start listening to their students this is so bad

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uni needs to start listening to their students this is so bad

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i am so depressed right now. i have countless missing assignments, and i'm falling behind. i'm failing several classes but now i can't even repair the damage cause quarter is over. i have had all As before now but this past year has been so awful. i can't get myself to do anythign and i'm really slipping in school. none of my teachers are helping at all or concerned for me at all. I'm scared that i've screwed my chances for a future up because i'm so mentally ill. I agree with whoever said mandatory pass fail.

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i made an attempt last night and sadly im still alive lol. this hasnt been my first attempt and i doubt itll be my last lol. whoop dee doo school tmrw. fun.

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im just so tired. i dont know how much longer i can keep this up for. I just wish school could end right now and I could finally rest a bit. Its not like im learning anything anyway, I'm only wasting away at my desk in front of my computer at this point.