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This is a PDF kindly provided by the Xavier Trust's Educational Psychologist, Dr Ali D'Amario.
We held a coffee morning for our school community during the Spring term 2023 where Dr D'Amario talked about children's emotional well-being.

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This is a PDF kindly provided by Outreach Teacher Vanessa Clark from Freemantle's school.
We held a coffee morning for our school community during the Spring term 2023 and Vanessa shared her top tips for helping children manage their autism.

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A direct link to Surrey's advice sheets for:
communication
everyday living skills
feeding, eating and drinking
motor development
Each category has a drop down of advice sheets which may help you and your child.

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Advice sheets :: Children and Family Health Surrey

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Asda launches school wear for children with additional needs 

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Asda launches school wear for children with additional needs 

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George at Asda has become the first supermarket in the UK to sell school clothing designed for children with specific or sensory-sensitive needs, such as autism.

The new range is called Easy On Easy Wear and it's available to buy now.

In designing these garments, Asda says they've 'undertaken extensive research with customers and charities to ensure our clothing is suitable.'

Their new range is designed to help those with specific needs and their parents, as Asda found that nine in 10 parents say they get 'distressed or upset' when trying to either dress their children or watch them do so themselves.

With traditional clothing, Asda's research revealed that it takes nearly twice as long for children with specific needs to get dressed.

This is largely due to the fact that most school clothing is designed with neuro-typical children in mind, so there will often be design elements that include tight necklines, hard to-do-up buttons, itchy labels, irritating seams, uncomfortable fabrics, and non-elasticated cuffs.

These aspects aren't always going to work for children with conditions such as autism.

So this new range will have features to make getting dressed quicker and easier, such as buttons with easy close fastenings, softer thread on seams, elasticated waistbands, and care instructions printed on fabric instead of labels.

Even with all of these changes, the uniform items look the same as what's sold in Asda's regular schoolwear line.

The supermarket retailer also found that parents of children with specific needs generally buy twice as many clothes while looking for suitable items, and six in 10 believe regular clothing just doesn't work for their children.

Though there are other options in this area, they can be more costly and harder to find.

The inclusive move aims to make these types of clothes more widely accessible and affordable, given that around 2.5% of children in the UK are believed to have a learning disability.

Caroline Hicks, head of schoolwear at George says the brand 'received a few letters from customers asking us how we could support their needs, focused around independence and easy to wear clothing.

'These customers supported us as we developed the range, and have given us incredibly valuable feedback along the way.'

She added: '71% of children with autism attend mainstream schools. We know that these children want to look the same as their peers, so we have designed the range to look just like the rest of the school clothing we offer.'
Do you have a story to share? Get in touch by emailing MetroLifestyleTeam@Metro.co.uk
MORE : Asda launches Biscoff style caramelised biscuit birthday cake

MORE : Autism is not a mental health issue, yet I was sectioned

MORE : Asda to be first supermarket to offer in-store Covid vaccines this month

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George at Asda launches schoolwear for children with specific needs

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George at Asda has become the first supermarket in the UK to sell school clothing designed for children with specific or sensory-sensitive needs, such as autism. The new range is called Easy On Easy Wear and it's available to buy now.

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Tying shoelaces

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This is a 27 minute webinar on understanding children's responses to different emotions by the Xavier MAT Educational Psychologist, Dr D'Amario

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Winston's Wish is the UK's childhood bereavement charity. We support children and their families after the death of someone important.

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Guidance on the special educational needs and disability (SEND) system for children and young people aged 0 to 25, from 1 September 2014.

Applies to England

Documents

Details

This statutory code contains:

details of legal requirements that you must follow without exception

statutory guidance that you must follow by law unless there's a good reason not to

It explains the duties of local authorities, health bodies, schools and colleges to provide for those with special educational needs under part 3 of the Children and Families Act 2014.

The code, which applies to England, is for:

headteachers and principals

governing bodies

school and college staff

special educational needs (SEN) co-ordinators

early years providers

other education settings

local authorities

health and social services staff

Other SEND guides are also available.

Thank you for your feedback

Report a problem with this page

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Guidance on the special educational needs and disability (SEND) system for children and young people aged 0 to 25, from 1 September 2014.

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Surrey's Local Offer for pupils with SEND

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Surrey's Local Offer for pupils with SEND

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Information and services for young people in Surrey with special educational needs and disabilities (SEND), their families and professionals.

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ColorVeil: Reduce eye strain, help with Dyslexia and Visual Stress

A screen color filter over any application you are using

Helps users with Dyslexia and Scotopic Sensitivity Syndrome

Reduce eye strain along with screen brightness

Easily customize the color and opacity of the filter

Match the prescription from the optometrist

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Dim screen brightness, reduce eye strain, and save energy. It helps with eye strain, Dyslexia, Scotopic Sensitivity Syndrome, or Visual Stress.

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Improve Your Spelling, the latest book written by Nessy founder Mike Jones, explains the rules of reading and spelling. It will help teachers teach, and parents to understand how to help their children.

By the end, you'll be a master speller!

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You've found Nessy; World leader in helping children who learn differently. Founded and run by educators and dyslexia specialists, our award-winning programs are guided by the Science of Reading.

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Help for parents /carers with children who have additional needs

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Use BBC Bitesize to help with your homework, revision and learning from KS1 to GCSE. Find free videos, step-by-step guides, activities and quizzes.

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While parents and carers may find the lessons and resources a useful part of supporting their child's learning, they should follow the advice of their child's school.

Where appropriate parents may want to use Oak's resources to help their children recap, revise or catch up on learning from their school.

Each lesson takes around an hour for a pupil to complete. There is a pre-recorded video from a teacher, with slides, as well as quizzes, worksheets and creative activities.

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Oak for Parents and Carers | Oak National Academy

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While parents and carers may find the lessons and resources a useful part of supporting their child's learning, they should follow the advice of their child's school. Where appropriate parents may want to use Oak's resources to help their children recap, revise or catch up on learning from their school.

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Learn how to touch type with the BBC Dance Mat Typing game. It’s a fun introduction to touch typing game for kids and covers levels 1, 2, 3, 4.

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Young minds advice for supporting a child with ADHD

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Young minds advice for supporting a child with ADHD

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What is ADHD?

Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is a neurodevelopmental condition that affects behaviour and concentration.

Children and young people with ADHD often seem unusually restless, impulsive or distracted. They may speak or act without thinking, struggle with organisation, find it hard to focus or appear to be always on the go. Some people with ADHD do not experience hyperactivity though, and this is sometimes called attention deficit disorder (ADD).

ADHD is not a mental illness or a learning disability, though children and young people with ADHD may also have other conditions or experience mental health problems.

Living with ADHD can be very challenging, for children and young people as well as for their parents and carers. But the right diagnosis, treatment and support can make a big difference to a child's learning, life skills and relationships, as well as making family life easier. There is also lots you can do as a parent/carer to help your child manage the things they find difficult.

What are the most common symptoms of ADHD?

A child with ADHD may be:

easily distracted, finding it difficult to start or finish tasks

often unable to concentrate

often restless or fidgety

very talkative, often interrupting or blurting things out

impulsive, acting before considering consequences, prone to taking risks

easily angry or frustrated, struggling to deal with emotions

finding making or maintaining friendships difficult

disorganised, for instance often losing things or being late

lacking awareness of time

Every child or young person with ADHD is individual and they may not display all of these behaviours. And many of these traits and behaviours are typical in younger children, or can follow a traumatic experience - they don't necessarily mean your child has ADHD.

Age and gender can also affect how someone with ADHD behaves. This can make it harder to spot signs of ADHD, particularly in girls, who are more likely to be undiagnosed or wrongly diagnosed with other conditions(i).

Typically the symptoms of ADHD develop in early childhood and they may become particularly noticeable at times of significant change, such as starting or changing school.

What to do if you think your child might have ADHD

If your child frequently experiences some of these symptoms; this is affecting their day- to- day life; and it's happening in more than one setting (for instance at home and school), discuss your concerns with your child's GP. Before doing this, talk to your child's teacher and the school special educational needs co-ordinator (SENCO) about what they have noticed.

The GP may want to refer your child for assessment, as ADHD can only be diagnosed by a specialist such as a child and adolescent psychiatrist or paediatrician.

Sometimes parents are reluctant to pursue assessment. They may be worried about 'labelling' their child or about stigma, or they may prefer to watch and wait. These feelings are normal. But parents and young people who do seek diagnosis can find it helps them access the right support; understand and manage challenges; and identify individual strengths.

We have more information about getting support from the GP, CAMHS or school in our guide.

ADHD diagnosis, support and treatment

ADHD assessment is usually done through the specialist Children and Young People's Mental Health Services, commonly referred to as CAMHS.

Diagnosis is most commonly made in childhood, and in the majority of cases, symptoms affecting daily life continue into adulthood(ii).

There is no single, definitive test for ADHD. Specialists will base clinical diagnosis on a combination of observations of your child; discussions and questionnaires (with you and your child); and information from your child's school.

They will consider how long the symptoms have been present; their impact on your child's daily life; and whether they might be due to another condition. Approximately 60-80% of children with ADHD have at least one other condition,(iii) (such as autistic spectrum disorder, dyslexia, dyspraxia, anxiety or behaviour problems) and your child may be given more than one diagnosis.

Support and treatment options

You and your child should be offered support and advice to help manage ADHD in their day-to-day life.

ADHD can also be treated with medication and/or therapies. These should be discussed with you when your child is diagnosed, and are set out in the National Institute for Health and Care Excellence (NICE) guidelines on ADHD.

ADHD can be treated with therapies such as cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT). For more information about therapy, see our parent guide to counselling and therapy.

There are a number of types of medication. These are not a cure for ADHD, and many children do not take them, but they can help manage some of the symptoms. Medication must be prescribed and overseen by a specialist.

You may also be offered ADHD -focussed parent training. This does not mean your parenting is somehow wrong. It is designed to provide support and specific strategies and skills to help you and your child thrive.

Jack is still perennially late, disorganised and impulsive; but he's also energetic, original and creative. The medication is helping him make the most of all of that.

How can I help my child with ADHD?

Be explicit and consistent about unacceptable behaviour, such as violence. Set appropriate consequences and follow them through, but try to stay calm in the moment to avoid escalation. Dealing with challenging behaviour can be very hard, and our parent guide has helpful advice.

Plan the day so your child knows what to expect. Maintaining regular sleep patterns, physical activity and mealtimes can help your child. Some people find dietary change and/or certain supplements helpful, but there is no clinical evidence for this and medical advice should be sought first(iv). Our young person's guide has helpful advice on sleep problems.

ADHD and your child's mental health

Any child or young person can struggle with their mental health and wellbeing, whether or not they have ADHD. This might be caused by things like family change, bullying, exam stress or a traumatic event.

But having ADHD may also mean your child has extra challenges - such as social difficulties, struggling to manage their emotions or getting into trouble at school - that leave them more vulnerable to low self-esteem, anxiety or depression.

Children and young people with ADHD frequently have other developmental or mental health conditions and it is important to ensure they have the appropriate support for these.

As a parent there is a lot you can do to support your child with their wellbeing and mental health:

encourage your child to talk about how they are feeling with you. Our starting a conversation guide has ideas for keeping communication open

if you feel your child may have a mental health problem or another condition alongside ADHD, discuss your concerns with their GP or ADHD specialist.

Working with school if your child has ADHD

ADHD is a special education need (SEN), and it may be referred to as a specific learning difference (SpLD). Your child is entitled to appropriate support to help them thrive socially and educationally. This could include potential adjustments in certain situations, such as extra time or rest breaks for exams, movement breaks in lessons, written instructions for tasks and a seating plan that minimises distractions.

Discuss the diagnosis and needs with the school's SENCO, taking a list of your concerns and background information to the meeting.

Your child may be entitled to an education, health and care plan (EHC plan) which details the support they need and how it will be provided. (The National Autistic Society has helpful information about EHC plans.)

Good communication between you and school can be really helpful in ensuring your child thrives in education and meets their potential. Our parent guide to support has more advice on talking to school or college.

ADHD in teenagers and beyond

If your child is a teenager or young person, their needs and the support you give may well be different from when they were younger. They may like to read our young person's guide to ADHD and mental health. But there are still many ways you can help.

Looking after your own wellbeing

Parenting a child with ADHD can sometimes be isolating, upsetting or exhausting. Sometimes parents feel judged or blamed by others (unjustifiably as parenting does not cause ADHD). It is entirely understandable if you are finding things difficult.

It's important to recognise the impact the situation is having on you, and think about ways you can take care of yourself - including getting support from other people so that you can take some time off. It's okay to ask for help when you need it, and to share your worries with someone you trust. We have advice on looking after yourself as well as your child.

Our son's challenging behaviour with ADHD had an enormous impact on the whole family, as we and his brothers bore the brunt of his anger.

Where to get further support

If you would to speak to a professional adviser or find out more about how you can support your child, these organisations can help.

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Help Your Child With ADHD | Parents Guide to Support

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What is ADHD? Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is a neurodevelopmental condition that affects behaviour and concentration. Children and young people with ADHD often seem unusually restless, impulsive or distracted. They may speak or act without thinking, struggle with organisation, find it hard to focus or appear to be always on the go.

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The team at Helen Arkell provide specialist support, advice and information to people with dyslexia, and parents, teachers and employers. Find out more about our resources, courses and other projects here.

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Free eBook library | Oxford Owl from Oxford University Press

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Browse our library of free children’s eBooks to read with your child including Oxford Reading Tree adventures with Biff, Chip and Kipper.

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Help

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Hear posts, chat messages, and assignments read aloud using Immersive Reader in Microsoft Teams for Education. Immersive Reader also includes grammar tools such as Parts of Speech and Picture Dictionary.

Launch Immersive Reader from a message

1. Hover over a message with your cursor or tap with your finger on a touch screen device.

2. Select More options , and then Immersive Reader .

Immersive Reader will launch as a full-screen experience.

Launch Immersive Reader from an assignment

If you're a student, open an assignment and select Immersive Reader .

If you're an educator, open an assignment and select Student view, then Immersive Reader .

Immersive Reader will launch as a full-screen experience.

Immersive Reader features

You can do one or more of the following in Immersive Reader, depending on how you'd like to focus on the message or assignment text.

Select Play to hear your document read aloud and to see the text highlighted simultaneously. The narrator starts reading from the top of your page by default, unless you have selected a word, in which case it will start reading from the selected word. Select Pause to stop narration.

Select Voice Options on the top right of the document to change the speed of narration.

Text Options

You can change the appearance of your document by using Text Options. Text options can help you focus on your content and remove visual distraction.

Set Text Size, Spacing, Font, and Themes that suit your learning needs. You can increase or decrease text size and the amount of spacing between letters and words. The Theme color you select becomes the background color of the document.

Switch on Show Source Formatting to retain formatting from the original text, such as bolding or underlining.

Parts of Speech in Grammar Options

Select one or more of the following options:

Syllables to break words into syllables.

Nouns to highlight nouns in your document in purple.

Verbs to highlight verbs in your document in red.

Adjectives to highlight adjectives in your document in green.

Adverbs to highlight adverbs in your document in yellow.

Switch on Show labels to see the label underneath the highlighted parts of speech.

Reading Preferences

Line Focus enables readers to narrow the focus of their reading experience by highlighting sets of one, three, or five lines within their chosen material in Immersive Reader. Use the toggle to turn it on or off.

Picture Dictionary gives you the ability to click on any single word to hear it read aloud and see a picture that helps define the word.

Translate lets you translate your text into other languages by word or document.

Select Close to exit Immersive Reader.

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Hear posts, chat messages, and assignments read aloud using Immersive Reader in Microsoft Teams for Education. Immersive Reader also includes grammar tools such as Parts of Speech and Picture Dictionary. Hover over a message with your cursor or tap with your finger on a touch screen device.

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Apps

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A meditation app that acts as a personal guide to health and happiness

An online cognitive behaviour therapy program for depression and anxiety

​

A free app designed to help teens and young adults cope with anxiety.

Helps build resilience - the ability to stay strong, motivated and optimistic even in the face of difficult obstacles

Turns the latest innovations in the science of happiness into activities and games that help you lead a more fulfilling life.

A meditation program developed by psychologists and educators to help bring mindfulness into your life

Chill Panda helps children better understand their stress and shows them ways to feel better using breathing techniques, yoga, exercise and calming games.

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A meditation app that acts as a personal guide to health and happiness An online cognitive behaviour therapy program for depression and anxiety ​ A free app designed to help teens and young adults cope with anxiety.

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Confidentiality & Information sharing

We have a legal duty to keep information about you if you use our services. We may need to share information about people who access our services with relevant Mindsight Surrey CAMHS partners in order to provide care and advice. This will only take place if we have received permission and it is considered necessary.

All Mindsight Surrey CAMHS partners who receive information about you are also under a legal duty to keep it confidential.

Your rights

You have a right to see all the records we hold about you both on paper or by by computer, except for information that:

Has been provided about you by someone else if they haven't given permission for you to see it

Relates to criminal offences

Is being used to detect or prevent crime

Could cause physical or mental harm to you or someone else

Feedback

At Surrey and Borders Partnership NHS Foundation Trust, we are committed to providing the best possible experience for the people who use our services, their carers and families, our staff and our other stakeholders (e.g. GPs, Commissioners etc).

Your views matter and the feedback you provide about your experience with us is a really important way of helping us to improve our services.

Please complete one of the short surveys below. Select the survey that applies to your most recent contact with us.

We are not able to identify you from your survey responses - they are completed on an anonymous basis. Please don't add any personal information that could identify you or a member of our staff in any of the free text boxes.

If you would prefer to speak to someone directly about your experience with us, please contact our PALS team:

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We have a legal duty to keep information about you if you use our services. We may need to share information about people who access our services with relevant Mindsight Surrey CAMHS partners in order to provide care and advice. This will only take place if we have received permission and it is considered necessary.

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Living with worry and anxiety amid global uncertainty

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We are the UKs leading charity for autistic people and their families. Since 1962, we have been providing support, guidance and advice, as well as campaigning for improved rights, services and opportunities to help create a society that works for autistic people.

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CAMHS Back to school second edition for parents / carers

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CAMHS Back to school second edition for parents / carers

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CAMHS Back to school Resource pack for Parents - second edition 2021

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Activities to build your child's confidence

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Service with links to various agencies for support

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We offer a free impartial information and signposting service on all aspects of family life for parents.

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supporting children through anxious times

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Supporting our children through anxious times can tug at all of the heartstrings and flood our minds with worries such as 'am I doing enough's'. Though we often wish we could, we can't wave a magic wand and 'fix' it for them. But we can support them to cope.

What Does Anxiety Look Like In Children?

Children, especially younger children, aren't always able to name their emotions. Often, anxiety comes out in their behaviours or physical symptoms.

A child might talk about tummy aches or headaches. They might regularly feel sick, be tearful, struggle to sleep, have bad dreams, wet the bed, have no appetite, or always be hungry.

We might notice that they're unusually irritable or angry. There could be a daily battle about going to school (or nursery). Some children experience selective mutism. Our child's behaviour at school or nursery can deteriorate. They may isolate themselves from friends or family and avoid certain situations. In older children, their grades might go downhill.

If our child's behaviour has suddenly changed, then it's usually due to something. Behaviour is a way of communicating when we don't have the language or emotional capacity to explain what's going on.

Is My Child Anxious Or Do They Have Anxiety?

When our child is finding life tough, whether they're 3 or 53, we worry and we want to help.

Mental health is talked about more now than it used to be This is good in many ways but does mean that we sometimes medicalise 'normal' experiences. If our child is feeling anxious about something, we don't necessarily need to panic and rush them to the GP.

Anxiety as an emotion is a 'normal' feeling. We all feel anxious sometimes. It's important for our survival, helping us through difficult or dangerous situations. Feeling anxious before the first day of school, for example, is normal.

Anxiety Disorder is a diagnosable condition. It applies to people who's anxiety levels far exceed those 'expected'.

For some children, the amount of anxiety they feel goes far beyond what's 'expected'. They might start refusing to go to school and try to escape once there. We might notice that they stop eating much, complain about feeling sick regularly, and begin to lose a lot of weight. They could begin to lash out over things like their routine being disrupted.

If our child's anxiety is reaching a point when it's interfering in their life, then we might need some more help.

Explaining Anxiety

One metaphor we can use is the bucket metaphor. The 'water' coming into our bucket represents the things that we're finding difficult. For example 'maths lessons', 'falling out with friends', or 'going to the supermarket'. At the bottom of the bucket are some holes. The holes represent the things we do to cope such as 'talking to my Dad', 'going for bike rides' or 'colouring'.

If too much is coming in, and there aren't enough holes to let it all out, then our bucket overflows and we feel really anxious or upset. We either need to reduce how much is coming in or make more holes to let it out.

Although we might be able to resolve some worries and anxieties, it's also vital to add some coping mechanisms. We can't control the world around us, but we can control how we respond to it.

Supporting Our Children To Talk About Feelings

Children without the emotional literacy to name anxiety might be able to draw or describe the physical symptoms they have or use colours and shapes to describe their feelings. For example, they might say that they feel 'wobbly', 'hot', 'red' or 'spikey'. Having conversations around these feelings can help children to identify and put words to their anxiety.

Listening

Listening is such an important part of supporting our children. There is a difference between listening and hearing. Kids are smart and if we're not listening properly, they tend to work it out fairly quickly.

If we're forever rushing around and never sit down or spend downtime with our child then there may never be a time when they feel comfortable talking to us. For them to feel comfortable talking to us, we need to be available. Bedtime can be a good time to sit down and chat about the day.

When our child does speak to us, we need to try and be careful not to force things out of them or push them too far. They will speak to us about things when they're ready to. This can be really, really hard sometimes, especially if we're worried. But our child needs to feel safe, not pressured.

It's also really important that we validate the things they're sharing with us. If we respond to 'I'm worried about my GCSEs' with 'oh you'll be fine don't worry about it', then it immediately ends the conversation, and our child is left feeling like their (very valid) worry is 'stupid". A validating response would be something like: 'exams can be really tough, it's totally understandable that you'd feel anxious, shall we chat about it a bit more?'.

Having A Code

Some children find it helpful to have a 'code' or 'name' for their anxiety. Younger children might call it something like 'the worry monster' or give it a name. Older children and young people might use things like emojis. For example, we could agree that a particular emoji means 'I'm anxious and I need a hug but I don't know how to ask for one'.

Be Honest

Honesty is so important. Trust is so hard to build and so easy to break.

If our child is worried about something, and we can't absolutely 100% guarantee that it won't happen, then we shouldn't promise that it won't happen. For example, if our child is worrying that there will be a storm, we say there won't be, and then there is, then that can break our child's trust.

It might reach the point where we need more support with our child's anxiety. If possible, asking or telling them before we speak to someone can help them to feel in control and maintain trust. Finding out that we've spoken to someone about their anxiety without telling them can feel like a betrayal.

Our child deserves respect, however old they are, and whatever their level of understanding. Before we speak to our work colleague (who our teenager babysits for) it's worth stopping and thinking about whether our child would be comfortable with that.

Supporting Our Children Using Growth Mindset

Often our children and young people feel anxious around the idea of failure or getting things wrong.

Our society and school system are geared towards achievement, and ranking our children according to their grades.

Growth mindset is the idea that rather than thinking 'I can't do it', we think 'I can't do it yet'. This helps us to stop viewing achievement and ability as things that are fixed and to start viewing them as things that we have some control over and can work on.

When we support our children, focusing on things that our children and young people can do, have worked hard on and can build on can help to increase their self-esteem. It also shows that if we work hard at things then we're often able to upskill ourselves.

Empower Don't Rescue

When our child is struggling, it's so tempting to swoop in and 'fix' the situation.

Our children and young people will have times when they feel anxious throughout their life. If we support our children by 'taking away' their anxiety when they're in a safe, supportive environment, then later on in life, when an anxiety-provoking situation crops up, they won't have any idea how to cope with it.

Rather than 'rescuing' our children, we need to try and empower them. Instead of doing things for them, it's far better to do it alongside them.

We could learn coping skills alongside our child. Children and young people can be really resourceful and sometimes develop their own ways to cope with things. They might like to teach us one of their coping skills.

Encouraging our children to recognise when they're anxious, use their skills, tweak, and flex can help them (and us!) to feel more confident when managing difficult situations.

Supporting Our Children To Create Healthy Boundaries

Respecting our child's boundaries and encouraging them to create healthy boundaries can help them to feel increasingly self-assured and in control, reducing anxiety.

Respecting their boundaries looks like asking them if they'd like a hug, not just bundling them into one. Asking them if they'd like to go somewhere, not just expecting them to go. Knocking before going into their bedroom or safe space. Respecting their 'no' if you ask them if they'd like to come and talk to your work friends who have come over for a meal.

Our Child Speaking To Others

Sometimes, our child chooses to speak to someone other than us about their anxiety. Knowing that our child is happy to speak to someone else and not us, can hurt.

However, it's important to remember that the fact our child or young person is talking to someone, is a good thing. It's much better than them keeping all their anxieties to themselves and reaching a point where they just can't cope.

Preparation

If our child's worried about a specific situation, it can help to talk, or walk, through in preparation.

We could talk through their worries at each stage and see if there are any of their 'usual' anxiety coping mechanisms that they could employ.

Thinking things through before they happen can help us to mutually problem-solve and think about things that might help in advance. This can also help our child to remember to take anything they might need, such as rollerballs or fiddles.

Being prepared can feel empowering. Our child knows what to do if anxiety strikes. That in itself can reduce our child's anxiety levels.

Distraction

Distraction is a tool that we need to be a little bit careful with. If we constantly distract from the things that are worrying us, then we often just delay the problem rather than solving or coping with it. It can act as a 'sticking plaster'.

There are some instances where distraction can be useful. For example, if our child has an exam the next day, we've talked it through, packed their bag, have a plan, and it's an hour until bedtime, then it might be helpful to spend that hour distracting and winding down.

Supporting Our Children To Self-Care

Self-care is the foundation of our wellbeing. If we don't look after our basic needs then we're unlikely to feel good.

Children and young people might have some different self-care needs to adults. For example, keeping on top of the mail probably isn't even on their radar. But there are lots of different 'self-care' things we could do together. For example, cooking healthy meals, getting some fresh air, or going to bed on time.

Supporting Our Children Using Breathing Techniques

There are various breathing techniques we can learn to help us support our children to slow their breathing down and cope with anxious times.

To start with, we could focus on breathing from our stomach rather than our chest. It can be helpful to breathe in for longer than we breathe out. So we might breathe in for seven and out for five.

Another technique is 'square breathing'. This is where we breathe in for four, hold for four, breathe out for four, and hold for four, then repeat it until we feel calmer. Some people find it helpful to trace the square on their hand or leg, too.

We could try yoga. Either through a class or there are lots of resources online ranging from minibeast yoga to YouTube classes. Though our child might not want to do a 'downward dog' in the middle of the school playground, the breathing techniques learned through yoga can be transferred anywhere.

Using Our Senses

We can use our senses to support our children to self-soothe, and ground themselves.

We all have different sensory preferences. It can take some exploration and a bit of trial and error to work it out the things that work for us. We could try things like lavender pouches, using fabric conditioner, blankets, coloured lights, things to fiddle with, headphones, or lava lamps.

Once we've learned the things that work for our child, we help them to self-soothe and ground themselves during anxious times. Have a think about how to make it as easy as possible for our child to use these sensory tools both when at home and when out of the house.

Worry Boxes

The idea of worry boxes is that we write our worry down and then pop it in the box. Worry monsters are similar in that they eat our worries. The idea is that this takes our child's worry out of their head so they stop ruminating on it.

Coping Boxes

Coping boxes, happy boxes, or 'distress tolerance' boxes are all different names for a similar thing. These boxes contain things that can help us to cope with anxiety.

They might include things like stress balls, sand timers, colouring pencils, a playlist, photos, teddies, fiddley things, affirmation cards, slime, rollerballs, lavender bags and spikey balls.

Although we can support our children to create the box, it's important that they have complete ownership of it. We can then encourage them to use it at times when their anxiety rises.

Supporting Our Children To Create A Safe Space

When we're anxious, having space to 'de-stress' in can be valuable. This might not be possible for everyone. But if there is a corner of a room that we can turn into a 'breathe out' space with our child, it can make a big difference

Involve your child in making this space. Discuss how closed-off they'd like it to be, the kind sensory items they might like in there. What else should go in there? Do they want things to do? Would they like audiobooks in there?

As well as being a safe space for our child to retreat to, it's also a good communication tool. It tells us that our child is feeling anxious at that point and might want to chat a bit later on.

Supporting Our Children To Use Creativity

Being creative can help us to express our feelings and cope when times are tough.

Younger children often naturally gravitate towards creative things, be it colouring, drawing, making up a play or creating a story with their toys. If we notice that they're anxious and want to talk to them about it, then asking permission to join their play or to draw with them can help us to talk through their anxieties with them in an accessible way.

As we grow up, we often start to get embarrassed or worried about things being 'good' and stop doing so many creative activities.

We don't have to be 'good' at things for them to be helpful. If our child has previously enjoyed creative things then gently encouraging them to be creative can help them to have a means of expression. This could be via drawing, colouring, scrapbooking, writing, creative writing, theatre, singing, or the way they do their hair or make-up.

Supporting Our Children To Use Sport

Sport and exercise can be an amazing way to release the build-up of anxiety that we often feel.

As children grow up, they tend to become more self-conscious which can affect how much they participate in sport. School PE lessons can be difficult environments (especially the changing rooms) and sometimes put them off sport altogether.

Helping our children and young people to find a sport or exercise that works for them (if they want to and if it's appropriate), can give them another coping mechanism for when stuff gets tough. We could even do it with them!

Who To Reach Out To

There are people we can reach out to if we, or our child, need further support. Schools can be a good place to start because our young people already know the staff. Our GP should be able to help, too, but our child might not feel quite as comfortable with them because they might never have met them before. Friends, family, youth workers, childminders, after school clubs, breakfast clubs, religious centres and community centres are all likely to have people would be happy to talk to us. Some charities such as YoungMinds, Childline and Action For Children offer specific support around young people's mental health and may be able to signpost to further services.

In the UK, the children's mental health service is called CAMHS (Child Adolescent Mental Health Services). Different areas have different referral processes, criteria and waiting lists, but our child's school or our local GP should have information on that.

Self-Help

There are various self-help resources online. We have some free downloads such as our Sensory Self- Care Toolkit and Self-Care Starter Kit. The Anna Freud Centre has some fantastic resources for young people on a whole range of topics.

The NHS has a list of useful apps, including some that are specifically designed to help young people who are struggling with their mental health.

A Final Note

Whether our child is anxious or has anxiety, it's important to remember that it's probably not a reflection on us as a parent or caregiver. It can be really hard when our child is going through a tough time and all we want to do is shield them from it but we can't.

It's important to look after ourselves, too. To keep up with our own self-care, and reach out for support from places like our local carers centre if we need to.

Having a child who is struggling can be an isolating experience. But you're absolutely not alone, you matter, and things won't always be like this.
Please help us to help others and share this post, you never know who might need it.

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Supporting Our Children Through Anxious Times | The Blurt Foundation

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Supporting our children through anxious times can tug at all of the heartstrings and flood our minds with worries such as 'am I doing enough's'. Though we often wish we could, we can't wave a magic wand and 'fix' it for them. But we can support them to cope.

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Website for girls (and women) with autism or who are neurodiverse

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Appeer. Connecting autistic girls and women.

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inourplace | Solihull Approach - Online courses for emotional health and wellbeing.

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inourplace | Solihull Approach | Online courses for parents

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inourplace | Solihull Approach : Online courses dedicated to improving emotional health and wellbeing in parents, children, teenagers, adults and grandparents.

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Alis Rowe: The Girl with the Curly Hair project 

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Alis Rowe: The Girl with the Curly Hair project 

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Posted by: alisrowe, October 5, 2020

I hope you are keeping safe and doing as well as you can during the pandemic.

4 Golden Rules for Surviving the Covid-19 Pandemic
Keep to a routine.
Autistic people tend to be most productive and happiest when they are following a routine. This might be a lot easier when you are at work or at school because you must wake up at a certain time and be somewhere at a certain time. You know what you are meant to be doing at any given moment. When at home (especially when you're not used to being at home so much), it can be hard to find things to do. My advice is to make a schedule and stick to it. Get up at the same time you did when you had to go to work, for example. If you used to walk to school, still go out and do the same (or a similar) walk.
Keep things predictable.
The world feels very uncertain at the moment. Every day changes. When factors are uncertain, they can cause autistic people to feel a high level of anxiety. I find it helpful to keep as many factors in my life as predictable as I can, such as I know with certainty what I am going to have for dinner, I know what work I'm going to do tomorrow, I know what exercise I'm going to do in the morning... etc. We can't have control over every factor in life, but we can control some factors, and it's helpful to focus on these things.
Be kind to yourself.
Understand that it's OK to feel worried and that lots of other people are also feeling anxious and isolated. Give yourself lots of self-care, such as by making an extra effort to relax and do the activities you enjoy.
Eat well and exercise regularly.
Eating healthily and taking regular exercise are absolutely fundamental to physical and mental health. Make sure you have a balanced diet and are getting all the nutrients you need. The world might feel scary outside but getting some fresh air and observing nature have lots of benefits. Aim to take a short walk every day if you can. If you don't want to go outside, there are lots of exercises you can do indoors (such as press ups and squats) to keep you fit.

Helpful articles

Would you like to know 2 "secret" ways to cope better with change? Read my article to find out about 2 rarely emphasised ways of managing change.

Are you now having to learn online as opposed to face to face? My article 10 tips for learning online might give you some suggestions on how to get the most from online learning.

Worried about going back to school or work? You might find the concept of " de-sensitation " useful to know about.

Would you like to create better habits? Here are some things to consider.

Would you like to reduce your anxiety? Find out how to live in the moment, which can help you to feel less anxious.

Do you want to get better at changing the things you can change and accepting the things you can't change? This article might help.

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4 Golden Rules for Surviving the Covid-19 Pandemic - The Girl with the Curly Hair

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I hope you are keeping safe and doing as well as you can during the pandemic. 4 Golden Rules for Surviving the Covid-19 Pandemic Keep to a routine. Autistic people tend to be most productive and happiest when they are following a routine. This might be a lot easier when you are at work or [...]

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We help children, young people, parents, and families to rebuild their lives when a child grieves or when a child dies.

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Parent page

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ADHD and mental health

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Some may be pertinent to upper KS2

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How to support a bereaved child

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Just like adults, children go through a process of grief. And just as there's no rulebook for being a parent, there's no rulebook for how they will grieve, or how you can best support them. Sometimes they may be very sad and upset, sometimes they may be naughty or angry, and at other times they may seem to have forgotten all about it. But they will not have forgotten, they will still want and need to talk, share memories and explore their feelings.

The key is to tell and show them that it's all right to feel and express emotions - and to support them to make sense of what's going on. Some of the things you can do are:

Reassure them that it's not their fault:

When someone dies, children can blame themselves. This can happen particularly if the death is quite sudden, or the child has had a difficult relationship with them, or an argument - even if the argument was quite a long time ago. It's important to reassure them that nothing they have said or done has made this happen and they couldn't have done anything to change it.

Understand that they haven't forgotten about it:

Parents quite often say that their children don't seem to have acknowledged the loss and seem to be carrying on their lives as normal. Sometimes people tell us their children are very upset one minute, but two minutes later they start talking about normal everyday things, such as who will be taking them to football.

This can be very upsetting as an adult, as it can feel as if your child doesn't care. But it is not because they have forgotten or are not upset - it is normally because children can't deal with strong emotions for long periods of time. It's almost as if they have an 'automatic shut-off' which kicks in when they are unable to cope with the intensity of their emotion any longer.

Show them it's ok to be upset:

Children model their behaviour on how those around them are behaving. If you are telling them that it is ok to grieve, but are trying to hide your own grief from them, they may feel that they also need to 'be strong'. The best thing is to grieve as fully as you can, so that they can see you grieve - and understand that it's ok to be sad, angry or cry. In the same way, the more you can talk about it with them, the more they will feel able to talk about it.

Often children take on a 'protector' role and don't talk to adults about their own feelings because they think that the adult will get upset. You need to tell them that it's ok for them to talk to you or to another friend or relative if they prefer to - and that it's ok to feel sad because someone special has died.

Let them know that it's ok to have fun:

You also need to let the child know that it's ok to play and to have fun. Children often make sense of difficult events through play. Playing is therapeutic, as it gives children a break from grieving and a chance to express their feelings in their own way. It allows them to relieve anxiety and stress through movement.

If it is a parent who has died, children can understandably become worried about their surviving parent dying too. Children need to be cared for and to know who will care for them. It gives them a sense of security to know that lots of things will stay the same. It helps to continue with some of their existing routines, such as going to football on a Saturday or to a particular friend's for a play date.

Sometimes they can become clingy, as losing someone they love and changes to their routine can make them anxious. You can help by letting them know what's going to be happening - 'Aunty Jo will be picking you up from school tonight.'

Don't be surprised if they do things they had grown out of:

Grieving children may start to behave in the way they did in an earlier period of their lives when they felt safe - this is called regression and is a normal reaction following a significant bereavement. They may start wetting the bed again, or having temper tantrums, sucking their thumb, or not wanting to go to school. You can help by cuddling, nurturing and understanding their need to grieve in this way.

Let them share their feelings and fears:

Children can experience all sorts of fears following the death of someone they love. They may worry that they or other people they are close to will leave them or will die too. They can also become very angry, especially at times when the person they love would normally be there - such as Mother's Day, a football match or school play - and anniversaries can also be particularly hard. Wherever possible you need to give children lots of opportunities to express their feelings. This could be through talking, through play, or through drawing and painting.

Be ready for their grief to re-surface at key times:

It is not unusual for children to re-visit their grief at key stages or points of change in their life, such as when they start primary school, secondary school or university and at significant events or dates such as birthdays, anniversaries, Father's Day and Christmas. If a day or event is coming up that their special person would normally be at, talk to them beforehand about what they would like to do. You can then decide together what you will do on the day. For example, you might say 'It's Mother's Day on Sunday, what you would like to do on that day?'

Create traditions and ways of remembering:

Rituals and ways of remembering can be really important for children. This might be creating a memory box, regularly looking at photographs or having special ways or places where you remember and talk about the person you have lost. These special times can become part of your family routine.

Let your child take the time they need to grieve:

There are no rules for adults or children about how long it is 'normal' to grieve for and everyone is different. How often they saw the person may make no difference to how long they grieve.

For example, sometimes children may adapt more quickly to the loss of someone they used to see frequently - as the change to their routine makes it clear that the person is not coming back.

They may take longer to accept the loss of someone they see more rarely because a lot of the time things seem the same. In these cases, children may ask when the person is coming back, even if they went to the funeral. As difficult as it may be for you, retelling the story can be really important to help children process what has happened.

Watch for signs of depression:

Children can experience similar signs of depression to adults: they feel low in mood, become withdrawn, are less interested in seeing their friends, and don't want to do anything. This can be a normal part of the grief process. But if it goes on for a long time, or if you are worried, speak to your GP about getting support.

Don't feel you have to cope on your own:

It can be particularly hard to help your child when you are also dealing with your own grief.

You may also worry that you are not 'doing it right' or are somehow making things worse. Remember that this is not something you have to do on your own. Your family and friends, healthcare professionals and your child's school can all help.

There may also be a specialist bereavement service locally that you can use. Make sure you have lots of support around you and other family members and friends who can support you.

If you feel you would like more specialist bereavement support, good places to start looking are your GP, Cruse Bereavement Care and your local hospice - if they can't provide support they should be able to signpost you.

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We all find it hard to cope when someone we love dies. Helping a child to cope with the loss of someone they love can be particularly difficult when you are dealing with your own grief. But there are things that you can do to support children through this difficult time.

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Losing someone or something we love and feel close to is extremely difficult and painful. Grief is our natural emotional response to this loss, and it is a process rather than an event.

Your child, as well as you and other family members, may be grieving because of:

the death of someone in the family, like a parent, grandparent or sibling

the death of a friend, or someone they knew at school

the death of someone by suicide

an illness, such as cancer or dementia, of someone they are close to

the loss of a relationship, like someone moving away or no longer being a regular part of their life

the loss or death of a pet

How do young people respond to loss?
Every child and young person will react to, feel and express loss differently, and this will change over time. There is no right or wrong way for a young person to grieve.

Children and young people who have gone through a significant loss can feel:

It's helpful to remember that it is normal for your child to feel and experience these things after a loss, particularly if they have lost someone they were close to.

How can I help my child?

Talking to your child about loss

Explain to your child in an age-appropriate way what's happened, using clear language. We can find it difficult to say 'died' or 'dead' and might want to use softer expressions such as 'gone to sleep' or 'passed on'. But these expressions can be confusing.

Let them know that it's okay to feel however they feel, whether that's sad, overwhelmed, angry, worried or something else - and that there's no right or wrong way to grieve.

Be curious, empathetic and non-judgmental about how they're feeling, focusing on listening and providing emotional support.

Reassure them that you love them, they're not alone and they can talk to you whenever they need to.

If you're worried your child may be blaming themselves, reassure them that guilt is a common thing to feel - but that it is in no way their fault or responsibility.

If your child finds it difficult to talk, it might help to start a conversation while doing an activity. You can find our ideas here.

Especially with older children and teenagers, it's also okay to give them some space when they need it. Sometimes it helps to just sit together quietly, or to offer a hand squeeze or gentle hug.

Here are some other things that can really help:

1. Try to keep normal routines going as much as possible to provide a sense of security.

2. Reach out to your child's school to let them know what has happened and ask them what support they can provide.

3. Support your child to say goodbye. This could be attending gatherings such as the funeral, or other things like lighting a candle, letting off balloons, saying a prayer or poem or planting a flower or tree.

4. Spend quality time with your child to help them feel safe and relaxed. This can give them a break from the grief, even if just for a little while.

5. Encourage them to keep doing activities they enjoy. Reassure them that it's okay to feel happy, and that this does not take away from how much they care about the person they've lost.

6. Talk about the person who has died or been lost and share your memories together. You might want to create a memory box full of pictures and items that remind them of the person.

7. Encourage your child to express how they're feeling, by writing a letter to you, or to the person they have lost telling them all the things they want to say. They could also keep a diary, draw pictures or write songs or poems.

Young people's advice for other young people who are grieving

Take the next step, the next minute, the next day, one at a time

There is no one way to grieve

It's okay to be angry and to express your anger

There's no shame in having a big reaction

It's okay to feel nothing

It's okay not to be okay

It's okay to reach out for help

Don't feel guilty for having fun

You're not alone

Finding professional help

Grief has no set timescale, and it is normal to feel a whole range of emotions after a loss. Sometimes, however, a young person may feel they are struggling to cope over a much longer period of time.

Your child may need professional support if, over a prolonged period, they are:

feeling depressed or anxious

withdrawing from family, friends and activities

struggling to sleep

refusing to go to school

turning to less healthy coping mechanisms such as self-harming

talking regularly about wanting to join the person who has died

experiencing suicidal thoughts

acting like a much younger child

not believing that the person has died

Here are some ways you can find help for you and your child:
Pre-bereavement counselling
If you know that someone close to your child is going to die, pre-bereavement counselling can help them to think and talk about their feelings and worries. Some hospices and other charities offer this service, so speak to the professionals supporting your family to see what's available.
Emotional support services
Let your child know about the helplines, textlines and online chat services that are available to them, which are listed at the bottom of this page. Speak to your child's school about what they can provide, such as a teacher they can speak to or a buddying service.
Counselling and therapy
A counsellor or therapist can provide emotional support and help your child to make sense of their feelings. You can access free or subsidised counselling or therapy for your child through a bereavement charity (suggestions at the end of this page), your GP, your child's school and other local services you might be able to find online. If it's an affordable option for you, you can also find a private counsellor or therapist using the directories listed at the end of this guide.

Speaking to your GP
If you're worried about your child's mental health or wellbeing, you can speak to your GP (with or without your child) about next steps. Together you can discuss whether referral to Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services (CAMHS) and/or an assessment by a mental health specialist is needed.

If you need support with your own grief, or you feel you're struggling to cope, it's really important that you get the help you need so you can be there for your child. You can speak to your GP about accessing free counselling or mental health support, or you can find counsellors, bereavement services and support groups listed below.

Where can I find support?

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Parents Guide To Support - Grief and Loss

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Losing someone or something we love and feel close to is extremely difficult and painful. Grief is our natural emotional response to this loss, and it is a process rather than an event.

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A little background information.

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Social Stories are a social learning tool that supports the safe and meaningful exchange of information between parents, professionals, and people with autism of all ages. The people who develop Social Stories are referred to as Authors, and they work on behalf of a child, adolescent, or adult with autism, the Audience.

Authors follow a defined process that begins with gathering information, discovering a topic that 'fits' the Audience, and the development of personalized text and illustration. Most frequently associated with short, simple Stories, there are also Social Articles for use with older or more advanced individuals. The Social Story Definition and ten defining characteristics (The Social Story Criteria) guide the development of every Story and result a patient, respectful, and unassuming quality that is the hallmark of the approach. It is that quality that distinguishes genuine Social Stories from social scripts, skill checklists, or 'social stories' that do not meet the current the definition.

What is a Social Story? presentation

There is only one definition for the term 'Social Story':

A Social Story accurately describes a context, skill, achievement, or concept according to 10 defining criteria. These criteria guide Story research, development, and implementation to ensure an overall patient and supportive quality, and a format, "voice", content, and learning experience that is descriptive, meaningful, and physically, socially, and emotionally safe for the child, adolescent, or adult with autism.
Additional Social Story Information:
Where did Social Stories come from?
The History of Social Stories

Check your knowledge of Social Stories
The Social Story Quiz and Answers to The Social Story Quiz

Is THIS a Social Story?
It is NOT a Social Story if... An initial screening instrument

How the Social Story Criteria keep pace with experience and research
Social Stories 10.0 - 10.2 Comparison Chart

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What Is A Social Story? - Carol Gray - Social Stories

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Social Stories are a social learning tool that supports the safe and meaningful exchange of information between parents, professionals, and people with autism of all ages. The people who develop Social Stories are referred to as Authors, and they work on behalf of a child, adolescent, or adult with autism, the Audience.

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Information on social stories and comic strip conversations

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Social stories and comic strip conversations

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Find out more about social stories and comic strip conversations, and how they can help autistic people communicate.

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This has been forwarded to us from our link CAMHs worker. Lots of good resources and tips.

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Try these simple tricks and tips, formulated by Professor Edmund Sonuga-Barke and the POP-UP team, which are backed by science and proven to work with families.

These videos focus on emotions and are formulated by Professor Andrea Danese and colleagues at the Maudsley CAMHS Trauma, Anxiety and Depression clinic. They are drawn from Cognitive Behavioural-Therapy (CBT) principles used to help young people who experience anxiety or depression.

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Families Under Pressure - Maudsley Charity

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Try these simple tricks and tips, formulated by Professor Edmund Sonuga-Barke and the POP-UP team, which are backed by science and proven to work with families. These videos focus on emotions and are formulated by Professor Andrea Danese and colleagues at the Maudsley CAMHS Trauma, Anxiety and Depression clinic.

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Social Emotional & Mental Health Intervention List for Padlet

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Speech and Language Intervention List for Padlet