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There is a line in this song that says “toughen up I’ll stick it out to the end”. To me that’s is what I’ve been learning about toughness during this reading. Yes there is a stigma but there is also truth to some of it. If you are truly passionate about something or would like to see yourself better then you will push yourself and see it to the end. Of course you will need to find a balance of when you need to pull back a little and give yourself a break.

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In this song it’s said that “you can’t carry them with you if you want to survive”. Kind of a stretch but this encapsulates what Magness was getting at about if you are receiving or giving high standards and work ethic, it must be met with high praise and support in order for it to be the most productive for the parties involved. I think this idea of not carrying all of the weight alone and receiving support is the best way in order for you to reach your goals and keep your sanity intact.

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Along with finding my breath in class, I occasionally remind myself that if I don’t try, I will never know. It’s better to try and fail/succeed than to not try at all and completely miss out on the experience of it all. That in itself is more precious than any idea or concept of what you see in your mind. This does work for me most of the time especially when I’m tired and feel like I can’t explore any further in the moment.

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For me I truly resonated with the idea that hard work must be met with high praise and support. Not only from others who might ask of such challenging tasks from you, but also from yourself. Nothing is more important than the headspace you create in your own mind because that alone and take you further than any work out regiment or working plan.

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A skill that I am currently learning in contemporary is to engage in active learning and apply it to my movement. I am also working on being intentional and decisive with my movements. In ballet I am working on a similar skill, but with my ocular view. I have a bad tendency to look down especially while thinking through sequences.

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If I were to teach someone how to practice these skills... I would start off with asking them what specific body parts are actively moving. If they aren't moving certain ones, then tell them to see what happens when they do. I would also tell them to think of the body moving as a whole, not just individual limbs but every part moving with energy.

In order to teach someone to look up I would tell them to go through the phrase on the side and ask themselves where are you looking? Where can they look?

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FEEL

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INNER DEBATE

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URGE

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DECISION

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I personally resonate with the end of the chapter when reading of the process of choosing a difficult path. I tend to find it very challenging to be decisive. Even for simple things like deciding what to eat. I deal will some pretty serious anxiety and the feeling gets so intense that sometimes I simply won't choose anything. I avoid the conflict and focus on other things. I am working on allowing myself to decide things and trust that it is okay to do so.

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This dark green matches my feeling when I am in a situation that feels challenging but manageable.

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This is what I think of when I imagine a situation where I feel threatened.

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"ARROGANCE SITS ON INSECURITY; CONFIDENCE SITS ON EXPERIENCE"

This concept resonated with me because I struggle with confidence. I often try to exude confidence in situations where I feel under prepared. Thinking that if I force myself to exude confidence that it will help me through it. After reading this I realized that situations in which exuding confidence can only work when I have the preparations or experience to guide me through something uncomfortable. Without that the confidence I attempt to exude will only show my inexperience.

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If I were presented with a stress response such as not being able to turn the way I would like in ballet.

I first would set an achievable goal such as not turning and holding a passe in releve. If i am able to get there then I would then test my balance and add one turn.

If I am unable to hold the passe in releve then I would continue to strive for that goal first before adding turns.

I would feel the stress of speed in class. To help keep it in control and not let it get to me is I would make sure to take time that I need in class. Even if that means I move slower than everyone else.

I know that some days I have a good understanding of my weight in balances. Those are the days and experiences I need to hold in the forefront of my mind to help me achieve the harder days.

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Chapter 4 Reflection: Personal Inventory

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Chapter 4 Reflection: Personal Inventory

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Lower The Bar:

Comparing myself to others

Repetitive movement or disengagement in exploration

Looking down when in thought or think face

Raise The Floor:

Comparing myself to others has allowed me to quickly analyze details from others and apply them to my own movement. This also helps with inspiration as well as awareness of my own body during movement.

Repetition isn't a bad thing. Sometimes it is necessary and reinforces the feeling of movement being expressed. Especially during times of being lost in thought, it helps find new pathways. I'm learning to trust and listen to my body rather than attempt to think my way through things.

Think face is very hard to get rid of. Honestly I haven't gotten rid of it completely but constantly being reminded that I need to look up made me realize how different it feels to use my eyes to scan the room and acknowledge the space and people around me.

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1. I am not good at remembering sequence quickly

-I try my best to go over it many times or ask for it to be repeated

2. I am not the most comfortable at something new right away

-I just try my best even if i don't get it right away

3. I tend to have a RBF when I am thinking or low on energy.

-I look to my friends in class for support and try to keep laughing even when I feel like I can't

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I have grown much better at letting go of tension and being uncomfortable so that I can delve more into exploration.

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Raising the floor really resonated with me. I naturally tend to overthink so rewiring my brain to think in this manner helps me find the positive in a less forced way.

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My role model is the person that trained me in dance prior to coming to UT. His name is Curtis Uhleman. He showed me the potential I never knew I had and encouraged me to apply for the dance department at UT.

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Chapter 5: What's a behavior that he describes that feels familiar, either because you've seen someone else exhibit it, or because you've done it yourself?

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Chapter 5: What's a behavior that he describes that feels familiar, either because you've seen someone else exhibit it, or because you've done it yourself?

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One behavior that familiar for me personally is the section discussing learned helplessness. There are a lot of times where it can often feel like my brain is against me. Those distinct moments leave me with a choice of fight or flight. however sometimes it feels like things are pitted against me so I choose not to even try.

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Chapter 5: Choose one exercise that you have used successfully or that you use successfully.  List that exercise and, in 3-5 sentences, share a time you've used it recently.

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Chapter 5: Choose one exercise that you have used successfully or that you use successfully.  List that exercise and, in 3-5 sentences, share a time you've used it recently.

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I often fight moments of anxiousness taking over my brain. My body then responds physically and it begins to weigh too much. Sometimes it is manageable when I just focus on finding my breath. Then I just focus on completing small things. Like getting up and brushing my teeth. pick out something to wear and put my shoes on. Sometimes I even just focus on feeding myself before I do anything else.

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Chapter 5: Describe a class moment in which any of us used one of these approaches in our leadership of the class.

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Chapter 5: Describe a class moment in which any of us used one of these approaches in our leadership of the class.

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Allowing to fail, reflect, and improve.

Sometimes I feel the urge to have all the answer and fully comprehend something before doing it. During class (usually because of time) Leah, Bayleigh, and Rachel will teach a phrase and choose not to go into detail until after we have tried in in our bodies.

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Chapter 6: difference between naming an emotion and physical responses that might accompany it. Are there any emotions that you have a hard time distinguishing from a physical response? How might be you practice separating the two?

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Chapter 6: difference between naming an emotion and physical responses that might accompany it. Are there any emotions that you have a hard time distinguishing from a physical response? How might be you practice separating the two?

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One emotion I can think of is angst/anxiety. The physical response to accompany it might be freezing up, disassociation, or accelerated heart rate. I personally don't have trouble distinguishing what physical responses go with which emotions. I think the only trouble I have is deciphering the source of where the emotion stems from. I have been trying to ask myself is it something within my control?

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Chapter 6: Design two additional padlet prompts that address two elements of the chapter that resonate with you.  One of the prompts you design must have a non-writing element

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Chapter 6: Design two additional padlet prompts that address two elements of the chapter that resonate with you.  One of the prompts you design must have a non-writing element

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1. If you're a person who has a tight bond between what you feel and your subsequent behavioral response. What can you do to help loosen that response?

2. Could you draw/scribble randomly while thinking about a scenario where you feel one emotion. Then another separate scribble for the same emotion but with the knowledge of how you respond. Are the scribbles different?

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Chapter 7: Do you believe self talk is an effective tool? And what tone of self talk motivates you most? Are there some circumstances when positive self talk is the thing you need and other times when more stern, "negative" self talk is the thing that motivates you?

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Chapter 7: Do you believe self talk is an effective tool? And what tone of self talk motivates you most? Are there some circumstances when positive self talk is the thing you need and other times when more stern, "negative" self talk is the thing that motivates you?

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I think for me personally self talk has never benefitted me long term. It just hasn't proven to be reliable. I have tried positive self talk but the pessimistic parts of my brain attack it and I then go into telling myself it's "fake confidence" and psych myself out. Negative self talk is already happening 24/7. All kinds. That much just reassures my brain that "im not doing enough" or "even when i try" it blows up in my face. Not thinking has proven to be the best motivator for me.

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Chapter 7: During that time, alternate between your inner voice using I, you, and third person pronouns to talk to yourself. Notice how you feel when you talk to yourself using each of these. Does anything change in your response to it? Reflect on your experience here.

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Chapter 7: During that time, alternate between your inner voice using I, you, and third person pronouns to talk to yourself. Notice how you feel when you talk to yourself using each of these. Does anything change in your response to it? Reflect on your experience here.

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My inner voice tends to be far less harsh when i am distracted by something. I enjoy myself more and thats what I have been focusing on replicating during the course of the semester.

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Chapter 7: Describe TWO other selves listed there that could come forward, listen to your Helpless Child, and help you move from Helpless Child to agent of change.

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Chapter 7: Describe TWO other selves listed there that could come forward, listen to your Helpless Child, and help you move from Helpless Child to agent of change.

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I would love to see The Calm Optimist come foward for my helpless child. I tend to feel calm at times but never for myself or what the book refers to as my helpless child. I would also like to see The Proud Rival. Mostly to help my inner child focus on the future success and be more long-term oriented in my thinking/planning/feeling.

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Chapter 7: describe a typical moment when your Helpless Child appears when you are in a dance class/environment. 

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Chapter 7: describe a typical moment when your Helpless Child appears when you are in a dance class/environment. 

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One moment for sure is during ballet. While at the barre, in centre, or across the floor. There are so many moments where my brain goes into freak out mode. Mostly when we move fast and it doesn't trust that I can pick up on things fast enough. or trust that I have the basic technique and understanding to complete phrases.

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Chapter 8: Exercise: creating and amplifying using imagery

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Chapter 8: Exercise: creating and amplifying using imagery

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Sitting down and visualizing myself sitting at zilker park. I imagine myself walking down the dirt roads and seeing the water, other people, seeing the trees on the edge of land where it meets the water. I also try imagining the sounds I usually would hear coming from the city, other people talking as they workout or jog, even the people enjoying the lake. I focus on trying to imagine the tiniest of details in elaboration. Like which direction the branches are blowing, or what style of clothing people are wearing, maybe even what color kyaks are on the water. I then go into how i might fit in this scene. What I would be feeling/experiencing during this time, what music I would be listening too, tracking the path I feel I would take. I enjoyed this exercise cause it helps practice the creative process without the obvious pressure of HAVING to create something. I feel like I often get stuck in the creative process due to the pressure of wanting to make something "good".

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The discussion about finding equanimity was intriguing to me. I feel like this concept brought up by monk Bhikkhu Bodhi is something I as a person have always strived to accomplish. To have such an unshakable will would prepare me for what life has to offer. I have over time become very patient and understanding. That is still slightly different from the concept brought up. Finding that state of inner equipoise and not be upset or swayed by events that trigger feelings such as gain or loss. I would love at some point in my life to be able to not be put off balance internally by such events. Especially loss, I have a lot of heartache when it comes to loss. I tend to allow it to affect my in unhealthy ways or for longer periods of time. I know those sorts of things take time to recover and heal, but i tend to overanalyze and overthink each event where I experienced loss to the point to where it became unhealthy. I would like to learn more about this equanimity over time.

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Chapter 9: Physical zooming: mood follows action

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Chapter 9: Physical zooming: mood follows action

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This exercise of changing your physical position changing your approach/perspective to certain tasks is something I would find beneficial. I often sometimes will change the environment i'm in to think about certain things. Ill try to think about challenging concepts in my own head while out in nature rather than in my bedroom. That open perspective helps digest anything I might be struggling to understand with the help of being in an open space. I haven't attempted it yet, but I would also like to try my physical positioning like sitting up, laying down.

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I resonated with the part of the chapter discussing that you should change your behavior/environment rather than trying to change your mood. This is something I recently discovered on my own. I found my mood unable to be changed, it just sticks with me longer than I would like. Even when I try to change my perspective, I can feel myself acting in a false or "fake" manor which never feels right to me. I find it more true to myself to sit with my feelings as long as it takes to pass. If something is truly affecting the way I approach others in society, I try to do things like going for a walk, or going to the gym, I recently started learning how to play the keyboard/piano. It allows me to filter my thoughts and emotions through action. Rather than attempting to distract myself until it goes away.

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I chose to do my interview with my roommate. We are the same age and I look up to her for her logistical point of view on life and how hard working she is. We discussed the importance of being satisfied.

We currently have been dealing with some personal issues at home. We actually have been discussing this issue a lot recently. Both of us are people pleasers at heart, and we constantly battle what is it that we want for ourselves and what we want for others. Usually we choose the option more difficult for us as long as someone else doesn't have to receive the short end of the stick. We have been working on speaking on our feelings more to eachother and using that voice to help us choose the things that we personally would want for ourselves rather than doing something that benefits someone else.

We talked about how sacrificing our personal emotional/mental needs kept us from feeling fulfilled. Yes satisfying others fills us in a different way but it will always seem like the glass never fills. We are learning that we feel more fulfilled after choosing to satisfy our own needs first, then after doing what we can to assist others.

The concept is simple enough to understand. However, it's much harder to constantly apply this in our daily lives. Especially because we both have spent most of our childhood and early adulthood committed to the practice of satisfying others needs before our own out of out need to feel useful. That usefulness is how we measured our worth and our need to be accepted in this way.