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My main goal for this year is to pass with an A or B. This might not seem like much but I know HND won’t be easy and my own issues won’t help as I’m currently getting therapy for PTSD which often gets in the way. To achieve a high grade I will have to work hard but I think that would only get a B at best so I’ll probably have to go the extra mile, I’m very hard on myself so anything below an A is a fail in my eyes. After  HND I would like to go into employment, I’m not sure what I want to do yet just that I’d like to create.

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We had a deadline for outcome 1, unfortunately I wasn’t able to meet this as I’ve been I’ll for the past few days. In my 1-1 I was told that I was missing my research methodology, this is something I will work on this weekend. I decided  I interview people today on their fears, I asked Lex, Stella and Austin about their fears then wrote them down. I added my own fears and started combining them. This resulted in weird hybrids of fears which I really enjoyed doing, my favourite is the one with compound eyes but I messed up the hooves so I should look at reference if I do it again.

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So far I’ve really been enjoying project 1, at first I really wasn’t sure about the theme ‘inside out’ but now that I have my concepts I’m finding it really fun to work with. My concepts are ‘dreams’, ‘reality’, ‘fear’ and ‘the body’. I feel like it will be difficult to gather research for some of these as they aren’t all physical things but I’m planning on keeping track of a dream diary throughout the project. I went to the Surgeons Hall Museum to gather primary research on the body, I wasn’t able to take photos but I did draw as much as I could.
I feel that I work better in class since I’m in a learning environment but I feel I work okay at home since I’ll dedicate time to working on my sketchbook or any other task where I can turn my brain off.

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I started making another creature today, this time inspired by a spider. I really like this one as it’s actually quite creepy, I have it the mouth of The Predator and it ended up looking like a skyrim troll. I’ve been focusing on my fear idea so I decided I should really look at my other concepts. I painted a cat based on my dream idea which turned out quite well, I think the composition and colours look really good as I’ve got blues and yellows so the cat isn’t a plain black.

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I had an informal 1-1 with Neil today where I briefly explained my ideas and he gave me a movie to look at for my reality and my fear concepts. In full honestly, it’s unlikely that I will because I hate watching new things. I started to paint a skull but I gave up at the last step because it looks weird. That’s when I realised the skull drawing I had as using as reference was actually deformed. This, along with the fact I didn’t do an under drawing, explains why the bottom jaw looked very strange. I do like the colours i used since I went with a purple and yellow, they look nice together combined with the visible brush strokes. I also started on a painting for my dream idea, it’s a sign and I used acrylic paint so that I could create texture.  I think It looks okay so far and I always enjoy texture in paintings.

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Over the weekend I’ve been doing sketchbook work which is going well as I feel it’s almost all in. I also started drawing some figures, one is me laying in my bed. I’ve not added much more to it because I want to copy it so I can add different parts of my dreams on top, I’m excited to continue with this on Monday. I’ve also been working on more cake signs with different paints, I like the gouache one I did as I think it’s quite pretty and the blocky colour works well with dreams since it’s less realistic.

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I had my 1-1 today which I think went okay. I was painting again today, continuing on my drawing from the weekend. I copied it a couple of times onto watercolour paper. I used gouache and I think it turned out very well, the colours go nicely together and it looks mismatched which is what I wanted. I also did a watercolour version which wasn’t as successful, I put blue all over it to give it an underwater feel but I’ll probably have to work on it again because it looks unfinished.

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Today we had a paper weaving workshop, I brought in some books to photocopy so I could combine words with my painting from yesterday. The process took a long time and it was quite frustrating but the end result looks cool. I did like the end result but it wasn’t worth the time it took and so I won’t be doing this again. I had a talk with Sandra after feeling quite stuck with my body concept to end thankfully she came up with a solution which was to go for another idea, she suggested ‘eyes’ since they seemed to appear throughout my sketchbook. This was a huge relief as I was really struggling to think of how to develop the old idea further.

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I started today by printing off reference and digital art so that I wouldn’t forget to do so. I then started on thumbnail sketches of how my finals might look as the deadline for outcome 2 is in less than a week. The sketches look okay but I feel I’ve still got a lot to do as being Ill has been affecting my efficiency. I’ve decided I’ll come in on Friday since we aren’t in on Monday and I was to make the most use out of the studio.

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I came into the studio and started working on some sketchbook work before setting up my oil paints. I worked on a painting for my dreams concept and I really like how this turned out, I enjoy using oil paints but they’re also quite annoying as the fumes are a bit much and properly disposing of the spirit isn’t always easy. I think the water in the background was easier to paint using oils and I only used neutrals and blues which look nice together. I started on some paintings for my fears concept but I took so long on the first one that they’re just backgrounds. I might continue working on these but I doubt I will since I’ll have to set everything up again.

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Throughout the weekend I’ve just been working digitally to play with the colour and composition of my thumbnails for each concept but I’m quite far behind and don’t think I’m meeting this deadline.

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Today was the deadline for outcome 2 and I didn’t meet the deadline. My mental and physical health have been very poor recently and I was embarrassed about my breakdown, I’ll be seeing the student advisor and so hopefully after that I’ll be able to keep it to myself and get on with my work. I spent the rest of the day getting my sketchbook up to date and printing it the work I did over the weekend. I’m not happy with how the digital drawings look but it was more for how quick it can be done rather than how it looks as I know my skills are severely lacking in that department.

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I worked on the feedback I got from yesterday by gathering research that I was missing. I found a few pictures that I could use as primary research on my phone which was nice. I then started working on some paintings of how my final might look. I’m happy with how the wedding dress painting looks, the colours are pretty and the brush marks are nice and fun. The other painting that I did for the cake dream wasn’t as successful and so I won’t waste time finishing it. The colours look sort of muddy and I was attempting to do a colour block style but I was too impatient and so the colours started mixing. I’ve decided I’ll work on composition and other comments over the weekend.

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Over the weekend I primed my canvases and made an under drawing for each painting. After getting just under halfway with two I ran out of paint. This wasn't great as it was around 6pm on the Sunday so there wasn't much I could do. I ordered paints from Amazon because I could get next day delivery, I did this because the shops would be closed on the Monday. They weren't the best quality which was expected but still frustrating as it took longer to work with. I'm not happy with how they look so far.

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The journal added extra stress and time I spent working on project 0 could have been spent developing more work for the other projects. I think the reflective journal didn’t benefit me as I feel I reflect on my art work and development in my sketchbooks and so I felt an extra project on it did nothing for me. I don’t think the journal helped or changed my thinking or creative process either.