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It hurts. They yell and scream. They all speak, they whisper secrets, they tell lies and truths I wish not to know.. I get on my knees and pray..pray for deliverance, for salvation, for a spider web to descend from on high. I claw at my face trying to remember who I used to be.

“No-o for who I am. Who I am? But who am I?” Before today, before yesterday, before the years and conformity took its toll. Back to when the wind still smelled of the sea and of a garden. Back to when I was free.

“WHO AM I! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME!” I shout to the voices. The jacket speaks of apathy and preaches self-destruction, the hats from the hatter tells me to embrace madness, the mask adorn with music and ears of a cat speaks of letting go and ignoring loss to change. Then there is the crow, or perhaps a raven. It speaks to me of transformation, it offers the future where I accept my pain and move with it…But why should I adapt, but not by forgetting the loss but by remembering it.

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“You are not alone in this, we are to everyone what we are to you. We are what all will come too, and what most will walk from.” Oh how they drive me to madness. Then peculiarly a hand with a ghostly visage is offered to me. There it was, a counter to almost all of them, a reason to not give into madness, a love counter to rage, apathy, and self-destruction. A reason to move from these demons of mine, to not forget. It is my spider web. I try my hardest to reach the hand as a knife appears in its hand. The jacket then engulfs me as I grab ahold of the knife they held. They then began to shake and vanish before my eyes. My love, the reason I was here in this place at a party of madness, was gone. THEY WERE THE SOLUTION HOW COULD THEY HAVE LEFT ME SO. OH I BEG I PLEAD I SHOUT FOR THEIR RETURN. I’d deal with the devil, deliver 1,000 evil souls. Please oh please let me see them again. Oh how I layed there crying, yelling into the void. The days of my life with them still in my head. I look to the knife now in my hands. The knife offers a solution to it. To silence the voices, to join who I long for on the other side.  All but the Crowraven or Ravencrow and cat speak of staying in the past, to become disillusioned, to let my madness and grief consume me. The Crowraven or Ravencrow spoke again.

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“DO NOT WIELD THE KNIFE. IT WILL NOT END YOUR SUFFERING.” It commanded in a booming voice. Was then I knew what I must do. To move on from loss. But can I? I decided to place the crow as if it were a crown on my head and to move on. “We will wait for you to come back.” The voices will always be there, waiting for me to drown in a sea of anxiety, madness, and grief. With the mask as my face I'll keep walking, not afraid to keep living,  not afraid to walk this world alone. Oh but I'm so tired. I leave the knife where the Crowraven or Ravencrow once was. As the Hatters hats multiple I knew that while I may walk away today as I’ve done before. Will I tomorrow? The day after? How long will I be coming back here? How long until the knife is in my throat and cutting my wrist? Or until the madness has seeped into my mind. Time will tell. Now I sleep.

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Inspirations

Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge by My Chemical Romance

The Black Parade by My Chemical Romance

The Crow by James O’Barr

American Idiot by Green Day

Doctor Who

The Strange Case of Doctor Jekyll and Mr. Hyde