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Specific: My specific goal for this term is to get a final class standing of A+. Easy to say, enervating to accomplish.

Measurable: Using the percentages from the PRF, I calculate the deduction of my mistakes (from the final grade of 100), under the assumption that I will get full marks on every quiz to follow.

Attainable: I myself doubt this is attainable—but for the sake of this section—I will say that I have gotten close before. Steps I can take to achieve this are 1) staying ahead of the lecture, 2) exposing myself to different scenarios as to not be surprised when presented the test papers, and 3) remember to follow directions and adhere to punctuality.

Relevant: Starting from my 2nd year in the Junior High School, I have aimed to attain a perfect final term grade in Math. On multiple occasions have I come just shy of my goal, though I have yet to falter. Maybe, just maybe, can I attain this little aspiration of mine within my last 3 terms in the Ateneo Junior High School.

Time-bound: Ironic how I ended the Relevant section on that note. I have but 3 more chances to do what I have always done, do my very best in Math. The subject that I have loved, despised, and cherished. As of writing, I have just finished my periodicals—of which includes Math. A culmination: the timeframe I have left for this goal stretches from the first few weeks of my summer vacation to probably next Tuesday.

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I have to evaluate what has become of my little goal? Oh dear.

Remind me not, for indubitably naught but exacerbate own despair. I highly doubt I’ll achieve it. As last effort of optimism, I remain awaiting my periodical results. Trying to attain a 99-100 in a major subject is brutal. After calculating… I originally thought that there remained but a size-0-Victoria’s-Secret-model slim probability, and that catch is that it relies on whether or not I achieve a perfect periodical mark. But to my dismay, I didn’t submit a homework from the 2nd-3rd week spam which like all the others wasn’t mentioned in class.

😭😭 I never thought it was easy. I have studied thoroughly after every lecture until I could run circles around it. I could have adhered to punctuality much better, (deadlines are my bane, really) but I have ensured all my work was of quality effort. Close, perhaps the closest I have ever been, but Almost Is Never Enough. Sigh.

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At least for me, our Cerebry’s practice exercises came to be among the most arduous endeavors. It was no longer the fun pre-exam exercise I relied on during the previous school years, but became a battle of endurance—an overwhelming avalanche of ill-intented fractions. I toiled, to say the least. I kept cycling through the same minor mistakes—leaving out the negative sign, forgetting to divide by 2, and mistakenly emitting the exponent—which had inconveniently pushed back my progress. Though, similar to what I have learned in reading Florante and Laura, victories after much hardship turn out to be all the more rewarding.

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Due credit to Tonton Verzosa, a classmate, for this photo.

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Like him, I also struggled with this concept. It would have really helped if I got to know why these solutions were correct, and when and when not to use them as opposed to just accepting them as yet another thing to ‘isaulo.’

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It was here that I realized how much of a toxic mentality I have developed. I didn’t have any “best work,” all my perfect scores were simply what I expected of myself. Seeing full marks didn’t bring me joy anymore. Perhaps this whole thing is immature, it’s ruining the whole essence of the subject. It also just results me nothing but stress and disappointment. Perhaps this is my best work—realizing all this. I’ll give it some thought. Maybe I should stop clinging to this deranged fantasy and… help my classmates with Math instead. I’m letting go.