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When it comes down to the topic of gender and sexuality my initial thoughts always seems to derive from me. Considering the fact that growing up and watching everyone experience puberty, I always felt left out because my body wasn't developing at a constant rate, but rather one that felt as if it was fluctuating. At the age of 19 years old I'm finally starting to relish in the development of my body's transformation, as I didn't see the secondary sexual characteristics within myself for a long time. Like my hips beginning to broaden or my skin becoming clear. Now, this can be seen physically. However mentality I've overcome a lot of trauma and I'm still trying to reteach myself more positive techniques in order to fully love myself. The premise of my photo essay is to provide a timeline of my adolescent years, and what tribulations I faced when it came down to dissecting and dealing with my own gender and sexuality as a young Black woman.

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In the image presented it was the day of my high school graduation. It was the happiest day of my life. I felt as if I was free from all the cruelty, hurt, betrayal, long nights, and confusion that all co existed with being in high school. I was free from the cruelty that came from individuals who seemed to always wanted to tear me down for being skinny and tall when how I was shaped never defined who I was as a person. I was free from the hurt from individuals who I thought cared about me. I was free from betrayal and the inequalities I faced as a woman who just wanted to be loved. I was free to reinvent myself into someone better. Someone worthy of love and greatness that didn't let the social constructs of society tear her down.

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Growing up as a woman, you're told that the two most important days of your life is prom and your wedding day. In this case, in the photograph it happened to be my prom night, and in the picture I had finally put on my prom dress. I didn't feel as beautiful as I should've considering the fact that I looked amazing. The feeling of being ugly in this moment derived from my body shape to be specific. As I've always been skinny and tall with long arms. I never had the plumpest breasts or the biggest butt which did a lot to my self esteem as this particular shape was glamorized by pretty much everyone around me. In one of our readings, "Story of My Body" by J. Cofer on page 151 a portion of the text stuck with me which stated, "Wonder Woman was stacked. She had a cleavage framed by the spread wings of a golden eagle and a muscular body that has become fashionable with women only recently." If you're not familiar with Wonder Woman, just understand that the premise of her comparison is parallel to how I felt when it came to my bodily shape. I always wondered why I was blessed with the correct genetics in order to have a body just like hers. However, with time I finally came to the realization that everyone's body is uniquely beautiful in it's own way and comparing ourselves to others isn't healthy.

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In this photograph you can see that it's just me in a white dress, but off to the right you see a silhouette dressed in black with his arm around me. That would happen to be my homecoming date, and by some cruel fate a man I was hopelessly infatuated with. You see, when you click with someone and begin to become invested in them as a person it's difficult to see the signs of mistreat in front of your face. Looking back at what I went through after this night made me realize that gender inequality in regards to men mistreating women was heightened by a major degree. Gender inequality according to "The Social Construction of Gender" is, "The devaluation of women and the social domination of men has social functions and a social history." Now, everyone is familiar with men mistreating women and devaluing the importance of their feelings. However, it's another thing to experience the disrespect and mistreatment when all you've ever shown was genuine love.

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The photograph that was taken here seemed like the ending to a dream, and the awaking of a never ending nightmare that I like to call senior year of high school. As a girl, it's hard to decipher whether or not you're socially attractive to the opposite sex or if you're deemed as just a friend. In this photograph you see a group of friends posing without a care in the world, but from an outside perspective this might be perceive as a romantic friendship. According to lecture notes by Henry James it states that, "A novel involving a long-term co-habiting intimate relationship between two unmarried "New Women". This was a social construct that was created in order to understand why you would see a woman without the opposite sex as male and female relationships were the social norm. However, this construct can still be seen around today as individuals will self sexually identify you into a preference that doesn't even align with you.