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The book I read is called “Dead Inside” by Cyndy Etler. I chose this book because I don’t like history books. When searching for a book, I came across this one. I thought it was about child abuse and escaping being trapped, however I was wrong. This book was about doing drugs and alcohol, being raped, and having to go to Straight.The story is focused on a girl named Cindy Etler. She lived in an abusive home, and started to experiment with new things like drugs. After running away from her abusive home, she was put into a drug rehabilitation center. Straight is where Candy went and they used horrible methods to try and help their patients.

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Throughout this book, Cyndy lived a traumatizing life.

1. Cyndy lived in an abusive house that traumatized her for years. Her life was changed because she was being abused and unheard.

2. When she became a teenager she started experimenting with drugs and alcohol. This was normal for kids her age, and it continues to be normalized.

3. When Cyndy was sent to Straight, this was one of the biggest events in her life. Straight had a different way of helping people who are struggling with drugs. She was beaten at Straight and had no one.

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This story took place around 1985-1987. The book started when she was a freshman in high school, learning the new teen activities, and ended 2 years later after going to a rehabilitation center. She was in Straight for about a year and a half. Doing drugs and alcohol at the time was normal. Straight was like a concentration camp holding hostages there. During this time period, the parents were usually always right and people never listened to their kids. I think that because of these things Straight was able to get away with a lot. The main action of this story took place at Straight. Cyndy grew up in Monroe, but when her mother sent her to Straight, her whole life was in this one building. Moving to Monroe meant Cyndy being at a new school. At her school, she met Joanna who became her best friend. Joanna did drugs and alcohol with older guys and influenced Cyndy. Because she was starting to find interest in drugs and alcohol her mom sent her to Straight.

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I think the author wanted to help educate others about what she went through. This also helped to get the word out about what being at Straight was like. Talking about Straight and other places like it, can help prevent them in the future. Cyndy’s goal was to try and help others who went or are going through the same thing. I know this because she talked about how her dream was to help kids like her. After being at Straight she was very closed off and started believing the things they told her. Her mental health was not good coming out of Straight, and she needed help. She later got many scholarships and a degree to pursue her dreams. I think she wrote this book because we still have families who abuse their children. I feel like she is trying to show that you aren’t alone when going through these situations. I also believe that she wrote this so we can help prevent places like Straight from happening again.

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While reading this book, it was hard to know if I could trust the author or not. It seemed like everyone around her was gaslighting her and I couldn’t ever really tell who I should believe until the end. At the end, she explained what Straight did to people and it made me understand that her feelings were all right this whole time. She had a lot of detail when explaining what someone at Straight or her guy friends would do to her. She helped us visualize what was going on, and how she was feeling. When she was at Straight she talked a lot about how she was talking in her head a lot, and what she was saying sounded desperate for help. This book did not give any logos and most of the time flipped the truth. The author was gaslit while at Straight, and she confused us readers while writing the book. I think because she did that it helped us relate to what she felt. She knew the stuff she did or didn’t do, and other people made her seem way worse than what she was.

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”It’s like no time has passed. Nothing has changed. I’m trapped”, (Etler). I found this quote on page 259.

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“Growing Up Raising You” by Gabby Barrett related to the book because it is about being scared as a child. The song relates to Cyndy because she tried running away and was scared when you shouldn’t be.

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Gabby Barrett - Growin’ Up Raising You (Lyrics)

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https://youtu.be/r1L3lwla-A0?si=MJjhh8q9UvF5hBOc

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Etler, Cyndy. Dead Inside. Sourcebooks Fire, Naperville, 2012.

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Sad woman. (Online Image) iStock, 4

June 2019

Drugs. (Online Image) Sanctuary, 27 April 2023

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“Episode 101 Cyndy Etler.” Your 12 Year Old Self.YouTube. 16 May. 2024

“Gabby Barrett - Growin’ Up Raising You (Lyrics).” Country Vibes. YouTube. 10 November. 2023