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Happy new year to meeee!!!
Wish my self more strong and more beautiful!!!😘
Kills your ego n be kind..people will love you more n more💞

First day new year with tears without any wish from him..being ignored all day..bila kita sayang kita akn usaha kasih free masa kita utk org yg kita sayang bkn tggu masa free bru layan dia.
#notedtomyself

Fight for your happiness💪

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susah untuk terima takdir. tp apakan daya. sedih. when one doesnt even respect you. maybe all she need was time. i was in despair when she said about another boys. totally crushed away. susah bila kau ada gf yang sangat2 ego. langsung didnt help when both have problems didalam relationship. all she wanna do was to win eventhough the solution is to solve.

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Bila rsa rindu itu hadir
Aku brkhayal & terus berkhayal
Mengharapkn dia ada d sisi
Memeluk diri ini
Aku rindu..rindu pelukkn hangatnya
Aku rindu hadir dirinya
Di sampingku dgn penuh kelatah
Kuat mengusikku hingga membuatku marah
Marahku x lama
Kerna hanya sekadar manja
Kadang aku geram dgnnya
Entah knpa aku x punya jwpn
Hnyalah persoalan brlegar d minda
Ketahui la
Kenakalan & kemanjaannya
Mustahil untuk ku lupa
Nasihatnya x pernah sirna
Bebelannya membawa makna
Andai dpt ku ungkapkn
Betapa beratnya hati ini menanggung rindu
Hingga lidah ini kelu bicara
Hanya mampu mengalirkn air mata
Saat hati berkata
Aku rindu dia
Sangat2 merinduinya
Hanya lah dia
Aku x mampu buat apa2
Hanya mampu berdoa
Semoga dia rsa rindu yg sma

#msego

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ndatau mau cakap apa. kecewa. luluh sangat2

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like what I said. I will never come back if kau xmau change for good. and if kau mau ego and xperasan semua yang kau suda buat aku suda buat. so then its up to you. kau mau pukul aku pukullah. tapi hati aku serius lagi rasa sakit. aku lagi rela berdarah dari hati aku rasa sakit. sakit dibuat macamni. this is not what I want. you love me because you seek comfort when I treat you but when its not what as you expected kau nlame aku and harap dapat lebih. thats not how we love someone. we love someone bukan sebab kita tunggu dapat kebaikan dari dia. but kita yang bagi dia kebaikan while dia balas. kau salah mentafsir cinta. goodbye

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29 September 2018. 1120 a.m.

I just woke up from a bad dreams and a really bad fever, but yeah, still smoking.

I dont know what ahead of us. Im totally confused. This is like the end of my words. Its started a few days ago where. Im blamed about half an hour spending my last time to buy my own food. Its totally pitying actually. Struck with different problems, money, girlfriend didnt understand me, housemates. I totally lost everything I try to make my grip on em but I failed. I dont even know what to do Im so down at that time. I know youre hurt but can I resolve my problem. Its not a really long time you should understand your husband. Bukannya lama, another 30 minutes would be fine. Then balik tu pujukla kan. I dont even eat, solat and mandi until 12 oclock I fall myself onto the bed crying. I failed at everything. I am so down. So confused with the world. What if we were married, what if that situation happen when were married, and our parents know about it. for sure they will angry at you ofc but. I cant blame you. Bcs you live to be an unblamed person. kau nda boleh dipersalahkan. so aku mengalah. but what happen. aku mengalah, minta maaf. pun kena blame malah ditinggalkan until today. im so down toto the earth I dont know what to do. I failed. Im totally useless. Im convince myself to make myself worth to you by doing other things that will make you stay whenever we fail. but nothing works if it were your ego. Ya Allah. banyaknya usaha, tapi satu pun nda dilihat, aku demam panas 4 hari suda. ada kau pandang. aku xmampu becakap. ada kau pandang. aku minta tolong buat kerja ku. sebab aku demam but,. siapa mau tolong. aku spend semuanya kearah kau. habis duit. habis tenaga. habis usaha. semuanya kearah kau but. dont you see that?

and kemarin. aku difitnah lagi. jujur ni semua ujian. instagram bisnes group aku. group aku. yang urus insta bukan aku. dia followback semua orang. aku post insta tu di semua tempat ig ws and idk how ex aku bole terselit disitu. its true im the only one who promote insta but im not the one whowho manage it. kami cancel promotion sebab kami buat insta lain. but. sudah ampuh dibuat begini.

beberapa hari aku ndadapat tidur malam. I just wanna spend time study buat hmework. I just want to forget about it. maafkan kau. carilah 1000 boyfriend pun kalau begini perangai kau. xakan berjaya. im sure of it. because ignorant, attitudes and ego. the only things that kills a relationship. thats all.

sedih actually but. if its true. kalau ego dia hilang and mampu ingat what ive done to her. and what she have done everyday to me. sakit act. I still remember how I hurt myself sebab sakit. hati aku sangat sakit dari haritu kau xmau berubah. aku cuba bediri, cuba ubah kau namun. usaha aku gagal sebab kau xpernah azam pun berubah demi, cinta kita. I lost respect cause you the one who didnt respect me everyday.

sakit. hurts. so much. how youre being ego. how you threaten me with your ego. how you make me feel when youre ego. and know ego kau memuncak. I cant do anything. masih lagi rasa sakit bila kau ndausuru aku ikut program. larang aku join aktiviti, marah akukau sebab subjek aku, marah sebab aku ada kereta, marah sebab aku ada dua sim, dua phone, marah sbb aku pg cafe sambil xkol kau and kau merajuk for 2 days even akuif mnta maaf, marah sbb tne aku kol kau aku becakap dengan kawan but act only once and kau, hundreds of times kau becakap dengan kawan aku xpernah marah. kau marah sebab akubalik rumah, kau marah parents aku, kau marah aku lambat sampai kk lawat kau. sampai kau mengamuk. aku lapar kau marah. sampai aku ndabuat test mandarin kita begaduh. aku xwhatsapp kau time di kelas. akupapa pernah ingat kau marah. but bila aku ws kau. kau tengok drama pula skrg. isnt that hurt. but aku tegur ja xmarah kau never scold you about that. aku duduk dengan kazen aku sarapan pagi kau marah. aku xwhatsapp kau first awal pagi kau marah. aku xcontact kau lepas jumpa kaupapa, eventho aku ada masalah dalam perjalanan, kau xmau faham, kau mengamuk and finally leave me alone for 3 days straight. padahal aku baru balik dari pujuk kau sbb aku program ja. aku prpgram pun bole ws kau. jam 11 malam baru kol. aku bayar ba time jumpa but balik ja dr jumpa kau blame aku itu ini. sakit. aku nda buat kalau xwajib. masalahnya mmg subjek aku. xboleh drop,. aku banyak bagiof excuse dengan kau. dirumah aku sabar ja lambat kol isokay aku mampu layan eventho aku sangat penat cari duit untuk kita. then still tiap malam aku kena marah. tiap malam aku dicari kesalahan until I cant sleep. kau xtahu dengan aku yang bz kerja. aku tefikir. xda ka rasa terimakasih langsung. swrius ive done this all for you. aku ndadilayan selama seminggu ba aku sabar jaja sbb kau diseberang. even siang pun aku ws kau kau lambat reply,. but what happen. kau sampai ja rumah kau mengamuk2 dengan aku xfaham kau. aku still maafkan and harap esok kau mnta maaf but guess what. nothing. kau tau. aku pernah ba temenangis depan staf sebab kau. you really do a great job at hurting someone with youra ego. aku puas suda dituduh. disalahkan. aku bole count sejuta benda yang kau pernah buat.

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Introduction
Hi. selamat hari jadi yang ke 21. This speech seems like a usual but quite straightforward. First of all, I would like to say congratulations on our first year anniversary, even it wasnt as we expected but we made it, and also to you, congratulations on surviving another year, enjoy your 21st trip around the sun. I started writing this on 11.20 and will not stop until 12.00. But wait i need 2 minutes to go toilet.

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Yeah ive done with the toilet.

Content
We fights almost everyday, we lost to each other almost everyday, we failed every day, but never lose faith in ourselves. The only thing that make us strong is us, always be positve even when we are at the lowest. Sometimes fail, lost, fights just meant to be us trying to find perfection in each other.

Im sure you remember when I said that I have 0.9999999 perfection. Let me tell you that, there is NO such thing in life. I just be positive at all times saying that everything's gonna be okay. It just my guts. If you are positive at all times then nothing can stop you.

Stop blaming in yourself and me. We are both to be blamed in everything. There is no wrong and right. Its just us.

To be honest and to recap, you've been doing well since we first meet in April 2017. You have successfully transform into a new you. Its just me forcing you into some kind of better person. Don't let that negativity tells you that you got nothing accomplished. But let that mind tells you that you have accomplished a lot of things. Congratulations on that. One advice is that you dont have to find some happy or sad or move on quotes and upload it as a status to make me feel bad. Like i told you. Be positive at all times. Even at the worst of the times.

And last of all, be mature, try to teach yourself how to control yourself, you are what you made of, we all have that weaknesses but it never meant that were bound to that weaknesses.

More speech coming if we have chance to speak. But this is the only thing that I can do.

Outro
Do not forget that i am always by your side even we are 3 hours 45 min (171.1 kilometer) via Jalan Papar -  Beaufort/Jalan Tun Hussein Onn/Route 3/A2 (Google, 2018). I also want to say thank you for a great year, wishing you a greater year ahead.

Conclusions
Im sorry for all that I did to you. Im not being myself at times. I'm really looking for your forgiveness but its just me dont know how to. Im afraid that ill be hurt your ego again. I really looking forward to see your smiles again in the future. Im so missing you, everyday i will just sit down and try to convince myself everything going to be okay in the future. I hope to see you in a good health this year. new age new you new vision. Always courage yourself to be better, atleast better than yesterday, always learn new things. Throw all that negative things away, be positive in all what we do. Happy birthday once again. Wish you a happy year. mmmmuahhhhh.

from the bottom of my heart

Best Regards,
Your loved one and only

Reference
Distance from Labuan to Kota Kinabalu. (n.d.). Retrieved April 11, 2018, from https://www.distancefromto.net/distance-from-labuan-to-kota-kinabalu-my

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ni baju tp utk kawin jaa. yang keramaian lain lagi.