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The engines roared to life, propellers increasing in speed as the plane began to move. Everyone there was slumped, eyes half closed, and worn out but relieved, they were all going home.

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Here we are at dinner with friends, and for some reason she wants to bring up stories. All of the sudden I'm consumed by a scorching stench of embarrassment as a hush flies across the table. 

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Here we are at dinner with friends, and for some reason she wants to bring up stories. All of the sudden I'm consumed by a scorching stench of embarrassment as a hush flies across the table. 

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My eyes searched the room for an excuse for my actions. My face heated by shame.

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I found myself sinking into the darkest place. Screaming muffled, panicking silenced, myself abandoned.

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Every time I wake up, every time I shut my eyes, every time I am lost in my thoughts, every time I am at practice. Every time. Gillian one of my friends, family.

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I can still picture that day very clearly when I trudged in the house very slowly.  Seeing his frigid body lie there froze me up, this had to be the worst day of my life.

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I can still picture that day very clearly when I trudged in the house very slowly.  Seeing his frigid body lie there froze me up, this had to be the worst day of my life.

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What was once a playful grin was instantaneously replaced with a face covered in red. Any person with an ounce of common sense would quickly realize that they have made a fatal mistake, they've underestimated the temper of an individual and even though they pray that they wish they hadn't made that fatal mistake, deep down inside they've already accepted their imminent fate.

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Love. One of the most hardest words to say. He said it like he was taking a breath. Although When He expects it back, I tend to laugh it off.

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A stain on my body that has been here for nine years now. The incident has been tattooed in my mind forever. 

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A stain on my body that has been here for nine years now. The incident has been tattooed in my mind forever. 

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	Boom! Boom!, Boom! Boom!, I can hear my heartbeat getting louder and louder, BOOM! BOOM!, BOOM! BOOM!. The lady was screaming at me as i was leaving.

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	Boom! Boom!, Boom! Boom!, I can hear my heartbeat getting louder and louder, BOOM! BOOM!, BOOM! BOOM!. The lady was screaming at me as i was leaving.

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I keep it hidden all the time because I hate to utter words. The words get lost on their way out of my mouth and I become mute. The long silence makes my blood turn cold.

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Like every breath being taken by a human being and every sip of water you need to stay hydrated I carry music like a virus attacking my body every single day. In 2012, a year after Tyler The Creator released Goblin, and wearing big pants with Vans were cool, and Instagram filters were like air. Everywhere.

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The light inside me died in middle school

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Tha-thump. Tha-thump. Tha-thump. The year was 2017. The white blood cells have been at war for just over a year now.

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Tha-thump. Tha-thump. Tha-thump. The year was 2017. The white blood cells have been at war for just over a year now.

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With my left leg leading, I skidded to the ground at a gradual incline. The first time, Ian was chasing me.

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With my left leg leading, I skidded to the ground at a gradual incline. The first time, Ian was chasing me.

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I draw everyday, whether it's little doodles or elaborate five foot paintings. I draw everyday.

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It was March 23rd, 2016 when I received the worst news of my life....

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It was March 23rd, 2016 when I received the worst news of my life....

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The gold glistening in the light on my neck. Beautiful. Just like her. 

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The gold glistening in the light on my neck. Beautiful. Just like her. 

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No one can see it. Even I can barely see it 

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No one can see it. Even I can barely see it 

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It has been with me since I could have things of my own. It has always given me a sense of order, I've always had a love for it.

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“Ivette your sister and your mother are here,” said my husband Tony in an eager voice. I hurriedly dressed my 3 year old son “Justin” in beige corduroys, a  yellow button up shirt, and black light up sketchers. He was kicking and screaming for his older brother’s old yellow stuffed bear from Build a Bear Workshop.

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My lies became too much. He didn't trust me anymore.

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My lies became too much. He didn't trust me anymore.

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I miss him, I miss every lesson and thing he taught me. Now he doesn't remember me

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I miss him, I miss every lesson and thing he taught me. Now he doesn't remember me

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Bam! The door slammed open admitting a sopping wet figure illuminated by the firelight. 

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Bam! The door slammed open admitting a sopping wet figure illuminated by the firelight. 

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It's always on me, in my pocket or hand wherever I go. Sometimes it changes but never strays from the base

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“Wow, what a place” I said as we were swallowed by the looming beast called The Forest. Before we knew it, we had arrived at the cabin.

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“Wow, what a place” I said as we were swallowed by the looming beast called The Forest. Before we knew it, we had arrived at the cabin.

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The nuns ruler-whipped an ideal of perfection into my Mother when she was eight. And so I, ever my Italian mother's first-born son, carry on for and with my mother what the Asheville, Kentucky sisters beat into her in 1956. 

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The nuns ruler-whipped an ideal of perfection into my Mother when she was eight. And so I, ever my Italian mother's first-born son, carry on for and with my mother what the Asheville, Kentucky sisters beat into her in 1956. 