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I always look back to that day. The last day when I had freedom. The last day when my mother didn’t control me. I can still hear my screams. “Mom, you can’t do this to me! Mom, I loved you. Mom…” That was the day I was locked in this room. I was 12.  I haven’t felt the sunlight on me since then. All because I was smart. I wish she never found out. I could be living my life how I wanted if she hadn’t. I’d tried everything. There was no escape. She had just recently locked me in here. About 6 months ago.  The room was practically empty. A bathroom and a bed laying on a cold concrete floor. White walls and a window. Boarded up. A heavy metal door with a big steel lock on it. She never let me out since that day. I have a small bit of clothes. She occasionally buys me new ones. I bathe normally. She gives me soap. She gives me everything I needed to stay tidy. I have 5 books. No more than 5. She doesn’t know about them though. I found them on a shelf in the closet. A dictionary, 3 textbooks, math, reading, and history, and an encyclopedia. I had read them over and over. Everything has happened over and over.. There is never a change. Never.

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Mom burst into my room. Screaming. Yelling. Like always. “Get over here NOW! Eat your damn food!” “Mom-“ I calmly replied. She cut me off “Don’t smart mouth me! Get over here and EAT YOUR FOOD!” I walked over to her and took my tray of food. It’s like a prison. She left as soon as she could. Slamming the door as well as she could. It was heavy. My mother was weak. But so was I. That’s why I couldn’t break out. An idea came to my head. How had i never thought of this before. I could do pushups and sit-ups to get stronger. I remember doing them at school in gym. Sometimes my mom would make me go without food. It would be hard to workout when that happened. But i could push through. I could figure it out. Today mom gave me cereal. It was always the same. Cereal, Sandwich, Corndog. Sometimes dinner was chicken nuggets. But it rarely happened. She sometimes gave me sweets on holidays or my birthday but not always. Never always.

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Mom was barely home.  She had work. I don’t get to talk to her very often and I’m glad about that. Every once in a while I would hear a mans voice outside the door. This time I had a plan. I would scream for him to help me. When I tried screaming mother got very angry. She tried to put off the man asking what was in there but he wouldn’t budge. He was threatening to call the police. I was scared. I heard mom fumbling around in the kitchen for something. She came back to near the door, where the man was standing, and then I heard a deep scream. She must have stabbed him I thought. I could only hear my moms breathing now. I peeked underneath the door. There was something big blocking my vision. At that moment I realized my mother was a sociopath. After she killed the man and took care of the body I didn’t know what was to come. I was even more scared than before. I regretted my decision. She burst into my room with a knife. She started screaming at me. My head was pounding. I don’t remember what she said. I couldn’t hear anything. She tackled me to the ground and stabbed me in the thigh. I screamed. She left the room. I just layed there on the floor. The cold, light grey concrete. She came into my room soon after and told me to clean up. She threw some bandage at me. I crawled to the bathroom and turned on the sink. I washed my leg off. The water was red. It hurt so bad. I got in the shower and did my best to clean it off. I put a wash cloth over it and let it soak up the blood. When I was sure it was almost done bleeding I put on the bandage. She came in later that night and “apologized.” She brought me chicken nuggets and a chocolate chip cookie for dinner. I was very light headed from all the blood loss. I ate it all and passed out.

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I woke up in the morning later than usual. I began to stand up when I felt a sharp, jabbing pain in my leg. That’s when I remembered what happened last night. I looked over at the desk on the other side of the room. My breakfast was already there. Along with some new clothes. She was trying to make up for the incident last night. I know she loved me. I didn’t love her. I started eating when I heard the door open quietly behind me. My mother came in. She asked me about my food and a little about how I felt. She gave me a new bandage and some ibuprofen. Once she left I did my workout, studied my textbooks, and took a short nap before lunch. My mom recommended rest for my leg to heal. The workout was hard with my leg. I couldn’t do as much as normal. Mom gave me art supplies so I could draw. I drew a lot. I was getting better. I drew myself and my room. I drew my mother once. She kept it. Sometimes I hear her crying. I feel bad but then I remember what she did to me. I wondered why no one was worried that I stopped going to school. They must have thought I moved. Or else they didn’t care..

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Mom hasn’t been herself lately. Guys have been over more often than before. She seems more upbeat. I keep wondering if she’ll ever let me out. I wonder if I could be happy again. I wonder if someone would take me away from her. I hate her. I wish she would appreciate me for who I was and not keep me locked in a room. I haven’t met anyone for such a long time. All I know is mother. Sometimes I think about my old friends. I miss them. I miss their voices and their touch. I hate this room. All I want to do is sleep.  I hear the mans voice outside the room. My mother is laughing. She seems like she’s having a good time. I’m not..

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I wish I could get out. I’m getting stronger and mother seems to be noticing. I have to think of another plan. She installed a security camera in my room. I have no privacy anymore. I’m going to start doing my workout in the bathroom. I’d like to see her try to get a camera in there. I want to go to school. I miss it. I want to learn. Mother told me my birthday is coming up soon. I wish she would give me a calendar. I need more blankets too. It’s very cold. I need to stop feeling sorry for myself and think of a plan. A plan to escape.

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Mother was sitting on my bed one morning when I woke up. She talked to me a little bit but I was too asleep to remember. She told my my breakfast was ready and got up to leave. Once she was gone I went to eat breakfast but I noticed something on my bed. There was a shiny device. I picked it up. It seemed like it was a phone. I turned it on. I had an amazing idea. I could call someone who could save me. Right as I was about to press the call button mother burst into my room. She started yelling and throwing stuff and she grabbed her