# data[].attributes.body
Topic Sentence: good
Details/Facts: very light in details. Please add more.
Concluding Sentence: good

# data[].attributes.body
Topic Sentence: good
Details/Facts: good, but please pay close attention during our editing/revising lessons as we need to work on your sentence fluency and transitions.
Concluding Sentence: good

# data[].attributes.body
Topic Sentence: good
Details/Facts: good
Concluding Sentence: good

# data[].attributes.body
Topic Sentence: great!
Details/Facts: good
Concluding Sentence: good

# data[].attributes.body
Topic Sentence: good
Details/Facts: good
Concluding Sentence: good

# data[].attributes.body
See my notes in your writing notebook.
Topic Sentence: good
Details/Facts: good
Concluding Sentence: good

# data[].attributes.body
Topic Sentence: good

Details/Facts: run-on sentence: too many conjunctions.

Concluding Sentence: please revise. Use something other than "I think..."

# data[].attributes.body
Topic Sentence: good
Details/Facts: good
Concluding Sentence: good

# data[].attributes.body
Topic Sentence: good

Details/Facts: On November 1, 1603, Vizcaino returned to Spain where was rewarded with the title of mayor. Reports say that he made multiple maps of the California coastline. One of his maps recorded Monterey Bay incorrectly, which confused explorers forever. Vizcaino will also be remembered for giving very important names to places in California such as, San Diego, Monterey Bay, Point Reyes, Santa Barbara, and Small Port.

Concluding Sentence: good

# data[].attributes.body
Topic Sentence: good
Details/Facts: good
Concluding Sentence: good

# data[].attributes.body
Topic Sentence: good

Details/Facts: You need to add some information about this...
Drake claimed the land for England, naming it Nova Albion, or New England. (Albion is the Roman name for England.) He then sailed on across the Pacific, becoming the first captain to sail his ship around the world. The Golden Hind and her 59 remaining crewmen returned to England on September 26, 1580.

Concluding Sentence: good

# data[].attributes.body
Topic Sentence: good
Details/Facts: good
Concluding Sentence: good

# data[].attributes.body
Well done!!
Topic Sentence: good
Details/Facts: good
Concluding Sentence: good

# data[].attributes.body
Topic Sentence: Using a question as your topic sentence in a body paragraph isn't advised. Please rewrite into a statement.

Details/Facts: good

Concluding Sentence: good

# data[].attributes.body
Can you please try to find a different word for things?
Topic Sentence: good
Details/Facts: good
Concluding Sentence: good

# data[].attributes.body
Great work!
Topic Sentence: good
Details/Facts: good
Concluding Sentence: good

# data[].attributes.body
Super!
Topic Sentence: good
Details/Facts: good
Concluding Sentence: good

# data[].attributes.body
Topic Sentence: good
Details/Facts: good
Concluding Sentence: good, but please eliminate the ...glad I get to study him. We don't put ourselves ("I) into informative writing.

# data[].attributes.body
Well done!
Topic Sentence: good
Details/Facts: good
Concluding Sentence: good

# data[].attributes.body
Nicely done!
Topic Sentence: good
Details/Facts: good
Concluding Sentence: good

# data[].attributes.body
Be sure all verbs are in the past tense (ex. discovering should be discovered)
Topic Sentence: good
Details/Facts: good
Concluding Sentence: good

# data[].attributes.body
Topic Sentence: REVISE (see note below)
Details/Facts: Your topic sentence stated Portola had one important achievement, but in then you listed several important achievements.
Concluding Sentence: REVISION NEEDED. (too simple/plain)